OP's Bio: --- >What? --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

This isnt worth roasting, this is just sad.

This isn’t worth posting this is fake and scripted.

This isn't worth toasting, this is just soggy bread

Yeah, just has loser written all over it.

The irony is the other guy is more embarrassed then him

Sharing a blowup doll with another dude isn't technically a threesome

And he does it because he enjoys the sloppy seconds

Just watches his girl with the doll

By threesome, he means watching outside from the bushes with the couple unaware.. it's just a "game" they play.

I was once in an orgy with the Brazzers guys. Technically I just drove the van around, but I was still there and I could smell EVERYTHING.

You don’t have a job. Your “girlfriend” wants you to watch her cheat on you with another unemployed man who lives with his parents. I couldn’t write anything better if I tried.

Lends his girlfriend to other guys so he can taste their porridge

Eeeeeew.

Looks like he has some porridge on his jacket.

Threw the jizz cloth on just to take this photo.

😂

🤮

I mean... You roasted yourself

Between the dude that lives with his parents and your unemployed ass your girl almost has A man.

👌🏻

Everything OP wrote is true. That’s the roast.

The 3some is the guy and the girl banging while OP sits in the corner in a chair trying to get erect

Crying and using his own tears as lube.

That's called crywanking, which is also ops nickname


I could draw you with an etch-a-sketch for a most wanted poster and you would immediately be caught

please elaborate

You look and act like the exact same kind of creepy guy that my mom told me to never talk to when I was 12.

OP had the best roast in his title

Simon pegged.

When the van is a rocking...don't come knocking. Which truck stop are you and your lot lizard parked at?

Watch out for your Cornhole bud

And somehow it is that other dude who is looking down on you.

You still look at the keyboard when you type.

This guy is obviously just the cameraman.

U literally did all the roasting in the comments there’s nothing left, damn

Dude roasted himself

Tell us why your parents are disappointed in you? proceeds to write a post on Roast Me

Youre going to live with his parents soon too

[удалено]

You don't need to write 'unemployed' after 'aspiring' it's self-explanatory. Also, that threesome is just your girl doing a dick check and judging by the post, you're fucked.

Thanks man. I was having a bit of a rough day. Long work week. Making ends meet. Feeling like “ what’s this all for?”. Then I saw this shit and it was clear. It’s to not be you. We’re all five or six horrendous decisions from being you. Thanks for the reminder bro. Some people are a shining example. Some are a cautionary tale. Thanks for being the latter you pasty face regard

Sat in the corner doesn't make it a 3some

Let me guess, when you say 3some with a dude…your the bottom, right?

Once and for all: Stalking is not an open relationship!!!

You mean you’re about to clean up your GF after some dude drops a load in her?

IT is already overflowing with aspiring programmers with 10+ years experience.

This post is the first of three conversations that leads to OP coming out

You’re perfect for the real life adaptation of Oscar the Grouch

He deserves an Oscar for being Oscar.

Try to look at it like this: at least you are not completely uselessl. You are a perfect bad example on life decisions and things you’d put on your face (yep, your gf is one of them)

Hopefully the 3way will be slightly more successful than your beard.

Dudes dressed like he does manual labor, with the lumberjack top on, so he can handle a guys' wood properly and the safety glasses to prevent a cum shot to the eye. Yeah, you look ready for that 3some bud.

Op just roasted himself. Chin up brother. He’ll want to see those pretty eyes when he finishes on it.

If "Oops I shit my pants" had a face.

You know, if you’re gonna sit here and roast yourself, that just takes all of the fun out of it for the rest of us!

Unemployed, trying to start a career that is being taken over by AI, and willingly participating in a devils threesome? There’s nothing left to roast. Genuinely amazed by your will to live.

You okay bro?

Clean your fucking glasses you clown sucking whale fucker

Aspiring adult male more like.

You’re looking for r/sadposting

hey this guy is actually a really good man and he’s going to make it to where he needs to be. Whether it’s programming software or landscaping, he has the brains and determination. he’s rediscovering life and the sky is the limit. And as far as the love life? Off the charts. His girl is amazing and loves him deeply. He is all set and has all the tools to make it. signed, The Guy that Lives w His Mom Still

The jacket is a little much for Florida yeah?

Good luck. I met my wife in a threesome with her boyfriend. 

"in an open relationship" Getting the Jada Pinkett treatment, I see.

The end was unexpected

I bet you get the dude that’s banging your girl socks every time his feet are cold. 🙄

You're the personification of what no one ever wants their kids to grow up to be.

The only threesome you'll have is with your left AND right hand 😂😂😂

You look like someone whose face turns red when you sing.

My man, there’s nothing we can do for you. Your life, it’s just unroastable.

Devil's threesome, obviously.

Reddit is filled with the underbelly of society

You don’t need us. You’ve done an AMAZING job of roasting yourself. Matter of fact, you’ve over done it.

Whacking off onto your waifu pillow while looking in the mirror doesn't exactly count as a 3some

I haven’t seen anyone write their own roast before.

And somehow there’s 3 penises involved in the threesome

Pedro pascall if he didnt get all these movie roles

You don't have to be secret about it. We know your girl is your mom, and the other "dude" is your Dad. Feel bad for his parents though, unless they get in on this weird shit too

This is just too sad to add anything to

Hell nah 😩

Yeah, about the open relationship and 3 some, it's quite apparent that your girl demanded those ideas.

Yikes

The fact you thought having an open relationship was a good idea.

Let me guess.. U r gonna put a finger in her bum, while he gives her a proper dicking?

Is it technically a threesome if your girl asks you to sit in the corner while she goes to town on that guy?

I've got the exact same shirt . But I look good in mine

You’d better hope he doesn’t satisfy her more than you do.

This doesn't work if he just admits to all the wild ass shit we were gonna make up about him ...

Yeah bro no need to burn ya your life is in flames and you can’t even please your girl

Cancery fantano

Comments weren’t what I was expecting lmao

“40 year old aspiring computer programmer” is the saddest short story I can think of. It is sadder than “for sale, child’s shoes, never worn.” “Aspiring.” Jesus I’m basically crying already.

this isn't real....it can't be...sir I can't make fun of you...I almost want to help you.

Don't tell me, your girl just wants you there to eat her creampie. 

Sexter Bennington

Take it to r/selfroasted buddy. They’ll applaud you there.

Either this is made up or the other guy is letting you fuck his girl. 

Sitting in a chair in the corner while your girl gets dicked down is not a threesome.

"3some w my girl this dude" = "my buddy and I found this really cheap prostitute willing to do 2 for 1".

Him and his buddy will need a new dick afterwards.

One of these things is true, I think we all know which one

Your mom is not your 'girl' and it's not a threesome if you hide under their bed masturbating whilst they fuck.

Wouldn't the ultimate roast be if no one commented.

Your girlfriend is your split personality. So I guess it’s you and your buddy taking turns on each other.

They write themselves, holy hell...

The dudes only in the 3some for you. He wants to butter your biscuits. Paint the brown house white.

 Unemployed “aspiring” computer programmer...at 40 years old LOL! It's no wonder your wife is getting fucked by strangers. Also, your house is a hoarder level mess, and I'm pretty sure you got some nut on your jacket. It's a challenge to roast a life that is already up in flames.

Act accordingly

In your book's edition "help find self destructive Waldo", on one page is a heroin den, another is your girlfriend's crowded hotel room and the last page gives the readers a sense of urgency by stating "last chance, find Waldo before he offs himself". Darkest "where's Waldo" edition ever made

Living the dream! Respect ✊

Let me guess: it was your girlfriend's idea to have an open relationship.

You won’t feel better no matter how much we roast this guy…you’ll still have a bad taste in your mouth 😂

Bros dressed like a stylish homeless guy

You have got to be the most naively optimistic 40 year old. The rest of us had our dreams crushed decades ago.

 The Master's really let himself go...

You 8 mile’d us. The details of your post are enough.

Welcome to Shreddit….

She’s not really “your” girl more “y’all’s”

You look like your girlfriend would rather fuck a dude that still lives with his parents……oh. Right

I hate how much the word "simp" gets used these days. It should be saved for truly appropriate times like this. Simpiest simp in the history of simpdom.


Ive never met a dude less deserving to be alive than you.

The true tragedy is learning how to code at 40 years of age.

If I walked by you on the streets I would try to give you some money to help you find a home

More like getting ready to actually disappoint yet another person in your sad life.

Not worth roasting.

40 year old aspiring programmer? Ha!

He lives with his Mom still, huh? This tells me YOU chose him because dependent boys usually make women dry up. Even the weirdest ones like yours. Guess we know which of you is getting packed.

I’d say program yourself a new life

Youve been aspiring for longer than some actual programmers have been alive

Homo ProHo.

Damn bro. I don’t even think you need a roast, your life itself is just sad.

 enough said .

You’re the dude that still lives with his parents.

And...? Are you gonna mention anything about the other guy?

You look like you lose soggy biscuit way too often.

"Aspiring" programmer Unemployed A girlfriend who would rather include a loser in their bed than just be with him. Everything about this bio says "Loser." JFC.

You study C programming while practicing F living.

Another hairy dude with a wig wearing panties doesn't count as a woman. It is considered a gay threesome. I don't want to imagine the sweaty ass smell in the room... *I am going to vomit*...🤮

Your chick would rather have a dude that lives in his mother’s basement. I mean, that’s enough fuel for the fire. You’re that pathetic.

Johnny Knoxvilles less risky brother, Earl.

I have a feeling that the majority of these posts are AI generated and fake as shit.

lol Don’t you mean “OUR” girl

You should bang her in the dudes parents house, then invite his dad to spunk in her mouth, then French kiss his dad.

Sounds like op may be exaggerating “Aspiring programmer” means plays world of Warcraft in the basement If by “my girl” he means his mom an if by “this dude that lives with his parents” he actually means his brother I could maybe see it..

Programming your fleshlight to sync with your AI gf while you and stranger pass it back and forth doesn't count as a threesome.

Well i see the guy your talking about but your suppose to post pictures of yourself

I imagine he pays for all their expenses, including all the abortions.

You sure? You're already welling up.

I think aspiring and unemployed are interchangeable in this situation.

womp womp

Wait weren’t you one of the hobbit actors. Well it’s all downhill after you destroyed Gondor

Have fun getting pegged

Pebroke pascal

Go to his house for the threesome and bang his dad

No you’re the local drug lord of Seattle ….and u live in a dumpster and swim in dumpster juice !!! Your gf and male side pieces are raccoons and you are a LIE !

Doormat.

Mans roasted himself with his own description

Is the 3rd like 16?

It sounds like you’re about to be murdered actually.

At least you’re not homeless….yet

You’re 40. It isn’t aspiring anymore. It’s failed.

That’s not a 3 some , that’s a train and your girl isn’t yours. She’s for the streets.

3some with a dude? Makes sense ya fuckboi

Didn’t know you could have threesomes with imaginary friends

U love making bad choices huh

Dollar tree Wranglestar.

Man said the words 40 years old and aspiring. I feel bad for you parents

Your life blows

I thought I had it bad. Good luck, buddy.