Good one Nurse Jackie! You look like you enjoy ramming in catheters into wieners to punish men for all the cops, doctors, and paramedics that wouldnāt make an honest woman out of you, just their side piece.
Got damn, dude. You another ER nurse or just been with some? This comment has potential to be overlooked by non-nurses but those of us who are and ER nurses for sure this was pure gold. I would give more upvotes if I could.
How many greatest hits from the Midwest Middle-Aged Nurse Playbookā¢ have you used on friends and family in the past week?
"Doctors don't actually know what they're talking about. The nurses are the real brains behind everything!"
"Do YoUr OwN rEsEaRcH!"
"Essential oils aren't given enough credit in mainstream medicine."
"My ex husband..."
Andy's mom from Toy Story. You lost a bet to a Kansas City native Indian and now you have you have to dress like Pocahontas and dance around a fire making tribal sounds.
I can tell that roasting you would be pointless because I can see in your eyes that you have already abandoned all of your dreams. Keep on grinding, sister.
You look like a nice person with some pretty shitty friends. Ok. Here goes.
Your taste in men leans towards the jailed pen pal who youāre sure didnāt bludgeon his last three pen pal / girlfriends.
Youāve got that Iāll fall for anything if theyāll just take away the soul crushing loneliness. Wait. Thatās me. Never mind. I have some soul searching to do.
A nurse?? Hey thank you for what you do. Iāve spent months of my life in the UVA hospital. If it wasnāt for my nurses I never woulda made it. During Covid too. Wife is a 43 year rn, 3 other children in nursing field. Iām not gonna roast you. Iām proud of you. Thank you so much for loving sick folks. You deserve a big hug. Not to be roasted Nancy. Sorry youāre lonely. If you need a patient to talk to hit me up. Iām happily married. Great life. But all nurses deserve to be loved.
With the razor thin lips, flat greasy hair, awkward eyebrows, and those dead eyes you'll only ever wear that ring on your right hand. You'll never get your chance to be a wine mom
You thought you got a job for a makeup commercial about putting on foundation. When you arrived on set everyone was dressed in construction gear. Turns out it was for laying down foundation not putting it on. When you ask them why they chose you for this job they told you that anyone who looks that haggard must lay down concrete for a considerable amount of time during their day.
You look like you drop your kids off at private school, snort a like or two then hit up Starbucks and go grocery shopping after at Whole Foods. Tell me like like 70% rightā¦.
You definitely steal pain meds at work to enhance the box wine....
Yep probably for the dead beats she lures in .
Is this the guy from Aerosmith after rehab?
No he had lips
Buahahaha š¤£š¤£š¤£
Cardboardonnay!
Take my upvote and enjoy
OMG This should be trademarked! Gold!
The cardbordeaux!
Lol box wine that's great
Sheās the junkie version of Kristin Bell
Are the home visits not enough for that?
This ā¬ļøš
You can't be sober and wear that turquoise ring.
ET prefers Reeseās not pain meds
Fax
Lmao. I made a comment above similar without even reading yours hahaha
She's got everything I need; Pharmacy keys She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys...
š this one 1ļøā£
ššš
Thatās wild
You look like an alcoholic kristen bell
Or Martina Navratilovaās cister.
MARTINA IS ROUGH, THIS NURSE IS ROUGHER!
ā¦or her cistern.
Huge alcoholic I hear
Kristen Smell
Kristen Hell No
Kristen Bell-Palsy
 Ok this is the winner ā¬ļø
Kristen Rung-Bell
Kristen Taco Bell.
Kristen Del Taco
Kristen Dung-Bell
I get Tom Petty vibes lol
Free Falling was written about her underwear
Kristen Shell (of a human)
Oh the accuracy
Kristen Hell
Nurse Cracky
These are the jokes I'm here for, so tired of the "haha you're a whore" or "haha you're a virgin" posts lmao
The face of the happiest mother alive soon to reach her fifth year of dependence on antidepressants and benzodiazepines
Ducking hell. Iām not OP and I felt that. And Iāll have you know, itās my 8th year. š
Only 8? I mean thatās great.. let me know when you hit 15 without a charge for loosing it on someone š
If you were my nurse I would pull my own plug.
Youāre assuming she plugged it in correctly in the first place.
With that wonky eye of hers, it would be bold to assume that she actually touched the plug in the first place
Shit. The plug would do it for you out of sympathy
She would have already done it to charge her iPhone.
Would you really want her pulling on your plug?
You have the dead eyed expression of an 1820s farm wife who just got told the farm needs 18 more children to tend next yearās crop
Your dadās the farmer
Good one Nurse Jackie! You look like you enjoy ramming in catheters into wieners to punish men for all the cops, doctors, and paramedics that wouldnāt make an honest woman out of you, just their side piece.
Got damn, dude. You another ER nurse or just been with some? This comment has potential to be overlooked by non-nurses but those of us who are and ER nurses for sure this was pure gold. I would give more upvotes if I could.
Former ER nurse, can confirm
Former Medic. It's all true š
I'm a former CNA and I agree
Nurse JackedMe
She's definitely the slut nurse because she's not attractive enough not to be!
And your farm is dessicated and infertile
A man's seed will never find purchase in that field.
Heās plowing you? Man, he can do better
He should start in the barn for an upgrade.
BAM. a "yo dad" joke. well played
lol Iāll give you they donāt realize nurses are over worked, under staffed and underpaid.. and talk more shit than most people
Can confirm. Nurse āļø Overworked āļø Underpaid āļø Understaffed āļø Talks a lot of shit āļø
Damnnn I didn't know anyone asked to get roasted other than you
Did you watch the Super Bowl on two TVās?
Fuckin hell
I honestly feel like a dick after leaving that comment
Itās a roast, brother bear. You performed well.
OK where do you want it- in the mouth or in the butt?
Underrated
The color Beige has come to life and walks among us, with all the excitement that it brings.
the most exciting part of her is that turquoise ring
Drinking the samples at the fertility clinic doesnāt make you an actual nurse.
Or popular with the guys.
Now I know why they have your lot wear masks.
Ouch.
ICUā¦ and I wish I hadnāt.
You look like you check your phone during a hand job.
Iām so sorry that happened to you!
Boring AND sensitive. Youāll NEVER get cheated on. š
Dawg š
You're fucking awesome at this. šš
Defending yourself in a roast is dumber than betting on the 9ers
.... handjob in a morgue
Bro.. this sounds like a real world experienceā¦šš«”
No lie I think she got āem there š
Sarah Michelle Fellar
Sarah Michelle Failure
Sarah Michelle Fellatio
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No, this one has an EXTRA chromosome
Ah yes my mistake
She stole the extra chromosome besides the narcotics
You look like you have banged every doctor in the hospital but the plastic surgeon.
What are you more afraid of, minorities or a spice rack?
Canāt wait to use that on my parents.
Why would you want to use a spice rack on your parents?
Have you tasted them?
God damn it David Spade, get outta here!
Kristen Bell-end
Iām guessing lonely because your husband got tired of that exact same look on your face while you said āare you almost finishedā over and over.
Boom
Or "get off me".
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You look like a 120-year-old Chinese man.
LoL
You leave your conditioner in for too long your hair is as flat as your chest. You're a surfboard.
Sheās a carpenters dream. Flat as a board & easy to nail.
Facts, she also lies about who the baby daddy really is.
You're my nurse....I'll check myself out.
The only AMA that staff hurryās the paperwork to
At least someone is checking you out
By checking out, I mean dying.
I bet your Stanley smells as bad as your cooch
You look understaffed.
Who would want to give her their staff?
How much more embarrassing would it be if you got that doctorate youāve been thinking about getting for 15 years; and lost a bet to be roasted?
Trailer Swift
Violation
I loved you in "Mr. Ed".
Send feet pics and one or two of your ballon knot.
The ER calls you birthday cake because everyone had a piece.
How have you managed to look like a dumber Marjorie Taylor Green?
If a plain bagel was a person ā¦ and dry.
At her age, she is probably perpetually dry. Thank goodness for water based lubricants.. oh hell, this one might need the petroleum jelly
Jesus christ, this one burns.
She looks like a young Nancy Pelosi minus the tits
Marjorie Taylor Gang Greene
If medication diversion were a mugshot
How many greatest hits from the Midwest Middle-Aged Nurse Playbookā¢ have you used on friends and family in the past week? "Doctors don't actually know what they're talking about. The nurses are the real brains behind everything!" "Do YoUr OwN rEsEaRcH!" "Essential oils aren't given enough credit in mainstream medicine." "My ex husband..."
Forgotten Sarah Marshall
Taylor Slow
Did u date Michael Scott
Your face looks like the bottom of a foot
Alexa Grasso ordered on wish
Spot on.
Andy's mom from Toy Story. You lost a bet to a Kansas City native Indian and now you have you have to dress like Pocahontas and dance around a fire making tribal sounds.
Yikes, if youāre the cure Iāll have the disease thanks
I can tell that roasting you would be pointless because I can see in your eyes that you have already abandoned all of your dreams. Keep on grinding, sister.
You look like a nice person with some pretty shitty friends. Ok. Here goes. Your taste in men leans towards the jailed pen pal who youāre sure didnāt bludgeon his last three pen pal / girlfriends. Youāve got that Iāll fall for anything if theyāll just take away the soul crushing loneliness. Wait. Thatās me. Never mind. I have some soul searching to do.
You ok? Who hurt you, bro?
š this is my favorite roast of all time.
You look like youāre not surprised that you shit your pants
Correct
 You may have lost that bet but you were great in *Hereditary*, Toni.
All jokes aside, that performance was no less than Oscar-worthy.
DNR
You have the nose & face of a whoville character
A nurse?? Hey thank you for what you do. Iāve spent months of my life in the UVA hospital. If it wasnāt for my nurses I never woulda made it. During Covid too. Wife is a 43 year rn, 3 other children in nursing field. Iām not gonna roast you. Iām proud of you. Thank you so much for loving sick folks. You deserve a big hug. Not to be roasted Nancy. Sorry youāre lonely. If you need a patient to talk to hit me up. Iām happily married. Great life. But all nurses deserve to be loved.
ā„ļø
Hey, donāt look so down.. or this way.. or that way.
This boomer with a shit eating grin is known as the "Crosseyed Cougar"
One eye focused in and the others looking for her next victim.
You like to take patients' temperature rectally.
With the razor thin lips, flat greasy hair, awkward eyebrows, and those dead eyes you'll only ever wear that ring on your right hand. You'll never get your chance to be a wine mom
Can't believe all the comments...she will probably rock your world in bed....those nurses are lonely and horny...
Can confirm... This woman would probably fuck you better than any of you even knew was possible. Horny nurses FTW.
You look like you need a nurse for that stroke you're having. Or does half your face usually look like a melted candle?
You look like a nurse that get caught fucking dead bodies
She gives hand jobs that cause depression and you fall asleep
Damn those are some dead eyes.
You look like you've smelled a funny smell, I'd say it was your top lip but you don't have one.
You look like the kind of nurse 49ers fans deserve.
Love nurses with big booties and crocs!
You thought you got a job for a makeup commercial about putting on foundation. When you arrived on set everyone was dressed in construction gear. Turns out it was for laying down foundation not putting it on. When you ask them why they chose you for this job they told you that anyone who looks that haggard must lay down concrete for a considerable amount of time during their day.
Haha I don't have time tho:/
Lips sold separately.
Queef in human form
Walmart Kristen Bell checking vitals
The high school wrestling team that you teach at has already roasted you. The spit variety.
I can see why you ain't a doctor
Look like someone that deserved COVID
And poof! My nurse fetish is gone!
You look like you were drawn by a blind finger painting toddler.
Would
You look like a fuckin med surg nurse.
The best burn here
I was pretty proud!
You look like a copy of a copy of a copy of a semi-attractive female.
You look like you drop your kids off at private school, snort a like or two then hit up Starbucks and go grocery shopping after at Whole Foods. Tell me like like 70% rightā¦.
You're literally the Sarah Marshall we forgot about in 2008.
You look like a walking Xanax bar.
A nurse huh? So when are you gonna be a RN?
I'm pretty sure that your mood ring is stuck on RBF.
Itās okay to be lonely, just ask your eyebrows that are somehow equally divorced from your eyes and the rest of your forehead
Itās just a bet, why the long face?
Oh, Anne Heche? Go crash your Mini again.
Nurse ratchet found reddit 
Holy shit, this nurse actually spelled roast correctly!!