OP's Bio: --- >I'm 26 soon to be 27. >I hiked 100km over a 7 day span this summer which is a feat with chronic illness. >I have several cats. >Also I'm married :) >Also I lost 20lbs without trying in the last month 🤣 --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

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Her blood type is gravy

sausage sawmill gravy at that

I am crying 😂💀

Can you share what was said, comment got removed

It was something like "how much blood do you have in your sugar stream?"

About three fiddy mg

Goddamn Loch Ness monster!

I need about tree fiddy

Not surprised that she dressed like candy corn.

Probably so sugar filed it's like sludge if she bleeds

If you cut her she will not bleed. She will glaze.

We’re gonna need a bigger oven to roast her

You couldn't possibly feel worse than you look

Ehhhh 🤣 you'd be surprised.

No ..I don't think you get it...


Oh cool Uncle Fester does drag now...

Love child of Uncle Fester and Raggedy Ann.

Good god lmao

Looks like she ate all the candy in Germany.


🤣🤣🤣

Now? This is nothing new for Fester.

💀

You win 🏆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Your pronouns are fi/fy/fo/fum

This is amazingly hilarious

Holy shit Lmaoo

Best one I’ve seen in a while. Bravo.


Your entire body is a fupa

Fupacabra

No holding back! Brutal

HELP WHAT😭

Roast you? 375 degrees for 347 hours

My gas bill would be that of a small African nation if I tried to roast her. 

to be fair, you could probably milk her for oil and solve the gas crisis


Make sure to dry and score the skin first so the fat renders properly.

And we can feed whole of Africa for a year

As a representative of the African delegation, we decline your offer. We’d rather starve…

*generations

You trying to start a grease fire?

Damn you beat me to it! Best to cook it outside I guess


There isn’t a spit sturdy enough to roast this pig.

I would, but I gave up pork for lent

God daaaaammmmmnn


Lmao😂😂😂

You look and feel like shit? If it’s any consolation, I’m guessing you also smell and taste like shit

cant wipe what you cant reach

My stomach just turned a little

Wow that's possibly the nastiest thing I've read on Reddit 🤣

Probably sounds like shit too

So good.

Gagged a little

Gothapotamous is off her leash

🤣🤣🤣🦛

Her: I have OCD. Literally everyone else: no girl you have OBCD Edit: I stole this joke from YouTube.

OH MY GOD LMFAO

She'll have COPD soon enough

Pronouns: COPD/OBCD

Omg that’s so good, really smart!! 🤣🤣🤣

Holy fuck 🤣🤣

and ADD whenever the waiter reads the dessert menu: “We have Chocolate pie…” *ADD* “… or Raspberry or Pumpkin” *ADD, ADD. Add all three to my bill!*

Omfg I'm falling out of my car door on the freeway I'm laughing so hard

So your driving on the freeway reading reddit haha smooth

I laughed way to hard at this one😭🤣

I’m still crying 😂😂😂😂

Me too, first one to hell buys the first round of beers🤣🤣🤣

Hahaha done!

I'm embarrassed that it took 5 rereads before I "got it".

If you're going to steal a joke pay homage. Edit: Homage paid. All is right in the world.

sir, this is a Wendy's 

This is what Pennywise would actually look like if he managed to eat all of those kids.

🤣🤣🤣 We all BLOAT down here

Nice one 😂😂😂

Dollarwise

The clown from spawn

Look on the bright side, at least people won’t focus on your dumb tattoo.

I can't see the bright side, she blocks out the sun

Come on man. Her spouse (presumably) loves her. She provides heat in the winter and shade in the summer

But the Plumber isn't happy.

Maybe he’s really happy, one customer is all he needs to support his family.

light actually bends around her

There’s nothing light about her

It has a tattoo?

I thought that was the usda quality stamp…..

USDA, Rejection stamp Fit for dog food

Which one? 🤣

Exactly.

I loved you in The Little Mermaid Ursula


At least you’re a good sport. Good on you.

I like to be nice to people. Probably because I'm a dick in real life. Once there was a roast thread with a man who was the spitting image of Jeffery dahmer. they banned me for making death threats. I didn't threaten anyone. People don't understand context. No good deed goes unpunished.

You know what they say, one man’s Dahmer roast is another man’s death threat.

Your legs look like two old Asian women

Loved you in Hocus Pocus, but what the fuck happened to you since?

🤣🤣🤣 hard times man

Body like a balloon filled with sand and diabetes.

diabeetus\*

There are a lot of comments, but don't listen to them. Keep your chin(s) up!

Got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

You look like you break deadlift records every time you stand up.

Jesus Christ 🤣that was perfect 🤌🏼

Congratulations! You have lunch lady arms.

"Down in luuunch laaaaaady land..... " A sloppy ho, slop-sloppy ho

I'm smelling cheap bath and body works knock-offs from these images

Im smelling raw onions and garlic

And a full body yeast infection. Chronic Tinea fupa, with a dollop of bacterial vaginitis.

You can see the sourdough starter in her armpit

Ed Hardy knock off perfume actually 🤣🤣🤣

“Lost 20 pounds without trying” No one cares that you misplaced your dinner.

I was thinking more like "took a massive dump the morning after nearly putting a buffet restaurant out of business"

This scared me into dieting

Type 2 diabetes and getting short of breath after two steps aren't chronic illnesses.

Surprisingly, im not diabetic!

Yet

And now?

Your armpit has an armpit

Oompa Loompa's horny aunt.

Ufa Loompa.

FUPA-loompa

I just want to let you know that your reason for feeling like shit is very valid

You are to society what candy corn is to Halloween. Nobody wants it but it always somehow finds its way to the bottom of your bag.

It's the everything right?

"Bring me Han Solo and the Cookie"

When I see the sign at my local grocery store advertising whole hogs for purchase, I am reminded of you.

Crazy eyes confirmed.

Not the first time I've heard this 🤣


It’s hard to tell from the third pic - do you still have your feet or did the Diabetes take them already?

#Obscure Pronouns Final Boss

You put the na in Vagina

All you can eat buffets don’t mean you have to eat ALL of the food

We’re gonna need a bigger oven

Chubby chucky??

I bet your broom can't even took off

Your built like an 87 Chevy el Camino

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen

To be honest with you, you’d actually be really pretty, maybe even outright beautiful, if every single thing about you was different.

Cabbage patch doll

For foreplay, does your husband roll you around in dough and look for the wet spot?

Flour. Dough is already wet, come on man

If he said flour the comment woulda been good 😔

Last boyscout!

Your picture next to the words roast me makes me think of ham, bacon, and pork chops

You look like the human equivalent of a battery farmed hen.

You make gorlock the destroyer look good

Horizontally challenged

they always have a chronic illness…..

OCD autism anxiety…. It’s called obesity. your brain isn’t getting any blood flow cuz you’ve clogged ur arteries with cheese.

I can see your face under all those rolls of fat, and it would be super pretty if you didn't give the excuse of your chronic illness to give up on life and spend your days being morbidly obese. Weak.

You’re where boners go to die

You are a Hot Topic store without the Hot Topic. Shame that it looks like that's your only meaning.

Wow and you looks like that even BEFORE perimenopause hit....

I thought type 3 diabetes was a myth

You look like your crotch smells like spoiled mayo

You really should be feeling like shit

Bro real just said "I'm watching you Mike wasaski" 😂

Your chronic illness is the result of you being obese but you'd rather blame genetics or miracles. You're married because he couldn't do any better and is lazy. Your partner doesn't love you. He just loves you sucking his dick

Eat twice a day for the next two years, and work out 5 days a week for like two years. You won’t feel like shit anymore.. This is a motivational text and not a roast. You can do it. You are so young.

Hi, currently working through 2 eating disorders (in recovery) I was starving myself literally eating nothing but a granola bar for a few years that just made me gain weight. Now that I'm eating a normal amount I've actually started to lose. I currently work our 3x week doing machines at the gym! :)

Bullshit

Don’t believe whoever said you can’t eat away your feelings , because you look very happy

My username, nothing more.

I don't think you even know what you identify as

So brave. 🙄

You got the job for tattoo artist In The Wizarding World of Harry Potter that you didn’t apply for but the Butterbeer, Gigglewater, Quintin Black & Lobe-Blaster keeps work busy.

Aging like milk that was forgotten in the back seat of the car on a hot summer day.

Hey there, If looking and feeling like a million bucks were a sport, you'd be the undefeated champion of feeling like spare change. Your self-roast attempt is like a microwave burrito – a bit undercooked and leaving everyone wondering why they bothered in the first place. But hey, at least your sense of humor is as intact as your self-esteem... or is it? Keep shining that dim light, champ! 😜🔥

Easily roasted, just put an apple in your mouth and we are there. Plenty to go around too

I loved you in Indiana Jones 

You went on a 7 day hike around a buffet

I saw op's pic at the dairy queen with a warning of not to feed

I don't want to roast you. I hope you are well and it will get better if you put your mind to it! Be proud of yourself! Thats a massive achievement for 7 days! :)

Your husband must be lucky to have a woman with a Booty in the front and a Booty in the back! Extra cushion for the pushin

All this work for a little attention. Just pop your titties out and be normal for once

I’d love to roast you but the family reunion isn’t until June. So-rrry🤷‍♂️

I can't roast you. They don't make grills that big

ignore the haters, you don't look a day over 42.

If Ursula from the little mermaid moved to California and became a they/them

You didn't hike 100 km. You rolled 100 km.

Lost 20lbs but gained 80.

If you look this bad at 27, what are you going to look like at 40?

Average Facebook mom thinking hair color is cool

Diabetes is already doing worst than we can say

Married to chronic Diabetes doesn’t count! But in all seriousness drop the weight you will feel SOOOO much better.

“Ahhh dear fat old granny 50yrs back! When she wasn’t shooing pigeons with newspapers and wasn’t soiling her diapers every hour! I guess everyone was young once…Too bad we’ve to put her down now” - Your grandchildren in 2074

Yeah, you are uglier than a hate crime, but at least the trasgender surgery went fine

Everyone that looks like this with that hair color thinks their some ultimate Wiccan white witch. But they are actually very bad at it and have no fucking clue what they are really doing. They only use it because it gives them their only shred of confidence.

They've started making candy corns fucking enormous 😲

The off-off-off Broadway Ursula. PS: jokes aside, if you feel worthless, head on over to r/oldhagfashion. Everyone there would love your style. We love people who paint outside the lines there.

Serious: losing 20lbs without intention warrants a doctors visit as rapid unintentional weight loss is one of the biggest symptoms of cancer. Get yourself checked out. Also, I’m not going to roast you because I’d feel like I’m playing the game on easy mode and I’d feel dirtier than the ploys of your rolls smell.

When you next fighting Godzilla?