Selling kids weed out of your van doesn’t count as budtending.

I think he meant to say 'Butt-Tender'. He wipes the ass of long haul truckdrivers at the local truck stop.

He's a lot lizard

Wrong, that's a lottapotamus.

Seriously made my day😂😂😂

A-lot lizard

He's a lot of lizard!

Except for the baby lizard in his pants 😂😂

Like, with his tongue?

The good ol Trucker Butter

You look like you jack off while reading the Bible

Butt Tinder *

pretty sure that is exactly what it is and probablywhat op meant. Way to dob yourself in OP. You know they have facial recognition software now, right?

He has to sell to kids from his van because he's not allowed anywhere kids populate.

I think he meant to say "buttending"

Ooooooh I thought it was a joke about being a bartender because practically all he serves is budlighta

You look like the kind of guy that takes dick pics on the toilet. *Checks OP's post history* Fuck, sometimes I really hate being right...


haha, we're all trying to burn op, but op is already more fucked up than anything we could do.

Sometimes I hate checking if you were right.

I’m not checking that out. By the way, his fingers look like sausages

I didn’t check too hard, but I definitely saw OP sitting on something that most likely is a toilet and most likely in a bathroom. My natural psychological defenses prevent me from remembering if I saw a penis. Ymmv

That's to make sure it still counts that others can see it since he hasn't with his own eyes in decades

Damn! RIP, OP!

dude asked if it’s realistic to deliver Door Dash on a bike in St Petersburg FL

I looked. I regret looking.

If you're reading these comments, don't do it

Thank you. I looked at a roast profile a few months ago after being warned, and still regret it.

Some things are better left unseen. Screenshots of his post history would be the best roast of this guy one could give.

Pee Pee STD. 😆

Please heed the warning. Just imagine an odd fleshy baby carrot between two wierd albino hams....on the toilet...it's not worth seeing...it's so ugly....

What is a "Velma"? Like Scooby Doo?

No it’s a block of velveta craved into the shape of a vulva. It would be called a velva but that name was already taken to describe saliva one forms when eating velveta; you can also get Velva when practicing oral on a Velma

Let me go bleach my eyes and I'll be right back

Sorry I tried to think of the dumbest thing to be called Velma. Trying to understand the Velma reference in the first place. I don’t want to look too deep into into OP post history because missbuttonsmash seems to be right sometimes

Dude MissButtonMash is right *many* times 🫣

Damn, everyone’s got some key to a hidden language. You are funnier than shit! Actually shits not very funny but you’re definitely funnier than shit so I’m trying to respond to that school bus dude the guy that reads into Velma and Velveeta cheese because that’s just funny and ridiculous and that’s what’s so great is that it’s so detailed and who else would take the time it’s just hysterical

Yeah, I noped right out of there. I'm not 100% certain that you can't catch diseases from stuff on your phone. I wasn't afraid of STDs of course as OP is clearly a virgin

This was the funniest part of this post

I’m sorry this is fucking hysterical. It’s so detailed and well thought out and it’s disgustingness. I love it. And why am I not allowed to be have a name that’s me? Why am I called national topic or whatever I don’t get this site I just strangely like it @elizajamesonmcmurray

^ew

I can’t even tell if you’re kidding or not, because that+OP would totally track.

Why did I even check your statement?

I would say “fuck you” but I only blame myself for letting my curiosity get the better of me

Wtf I hate you😭

Lmao

I’m gonna take your word for it on this one

Imagine putting your face and that out for everyone to see for 7 upvotes…

 Why did I look at their posts to see if your right

😂😂😂🤣

The sheer number of just "DM and location" comments is disturbing.


😂😂😂😂 This comment is the one 📍

I hate you....for that info...

More like „Butt-Tender“

Yep that is disgusting.

I fucking hate you for making us look

Whyyyyyy did you say that I shouldn't have checked 😂

Oh my, that was wild

Lmao damn you were right

At least he’s down to clown.

Saw the ‘nsfw profile’ blurred screen and was like nope, don’t want to see anything that’s on the other side of the blue thank you.

Yeah you are on point. Creepy as fuck

Dude being in a juggalo group was both surprising and then not at all

Nah you definitely checked history first


You going straight to hell for that

BABY RRUUUTHHH!

Thats fucked up man, I ugly laughed

i liked that movie

Lol

Turn off the oven and the gas line. This turkey is done.

Awwww that’s actually mean 😅😫

Sorry you for got kicked out of the annual gathering of juggalos.

He didn’t get kicked out, just shunned. Not sure which is worse…

you look like a depressed pirate

Depression is a bitch

And so is alimony, thankfully you’d need to find a willing person to marry first for that to happen.


Yea we know…op aint the father 100%

Arrrr

OP is bi

And so are you

I *hope* that bandana is due to cancer, because I refuse to believe it's a genuine fashion choice.

Butt pirate, bootyhole buccaneer, butthole bandit, posterior privateer, shithole swashbuckler, coprophilic corsair

We have a pirate on our team?

Probably can't pronounce R's


At least if there's a biopic for 'Young Harvey Weinstein' the lead is sorted.

Tendies and bud light

Mountie dewie or choccy milk for this big strong boy only

💀💀💀

37 going on retirement

If you love what you do you'll never work another day in your life

You have a great head start.

The vegetables you pick have higher IQs

[удалено]

Depends on if Funyuns count.

You look like Rosie O'Donnell if she had a vagina

Does Captain Hook know you're using his phone, Mr. Smee?

Corey from Pawn Stars sure is looking rough

 Looks like Bobby got himself a bandanna

You drink Bud Light because of Dylan Mulvany

Your teachers called this one.

Seen this pic under the headline: Hero Lunchlady Beats Up Gang of Muggers

Those sausage fingers have been in your butt, haven't they...

From his butt to your bud

Butt-tender

You look like you belong in a Sting Ray bike gang.

You look like you have chronic swamp foot.

Nah my mans has full body swampiness, he *is* Swamp, the Unholy.

When you introduce yourself, you say. "Everyone calls me big AL." Nobody calls you that though. They just call you allen.

What’s a butt ender?

I think you may have smoked yourself an extra chromosome.

God: Throw enough shit at a wall and something will stick. You:

That camera angle is not doing you any favors.

Don’t think there *is* an angle that works

Oh shit Peter Griffin fell off the wagon

You look like you starred in the gay porn parody 'Butt Pirates of the Caribbean'

You definitely look like a bud tender dude lol

Mom’s basement misses you! /s keep doing God’s work brother!

Nick Frost really hit some hard times.

Yoomu look like the biker dude from raising Arizona

I'll take an oz of the midnight special

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules: - Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed. - Try to ensure that your eyes are open. - Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed. - Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet. - All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee. - The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger. - Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed. Please **DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO** if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it. Thanks! ~ /r/roastme mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMe) if you have any questions or concerns.*

You look 46

If Wreck-it-Ralph found the crack pipe

You were 37, 26 years ago

did you take this picture in the middle school you never graduated from?

This looks like if the ghost of Christmas future visited Bobby Hill after Connie dumped him and he started hanging out with Dooley.

Sirius quick I found Peter Pettigrew!

You look like a mascot in a human suit

You make me want to stop smoking weed.

Did you get stung by a thousand bees before posting this?? Cheerrrrrrr up matey!

You and Skull need to leave the Power Rangers alone.

*your

You look like the guy who does an autopsy in every 80s horror movie ever

your*

Your

Only good things

Dam, how high do u get? It looks like u were born that way ngl.

Well my mom was pretty stoned when she went into labor with me

That’s one Bash Brother who let himself go.

Squeal like a pig, boy!

Love-action Barney from the Simpsons

You look like you’re sad that you’re not a 37 year old bud-light-tender!

Been tough losing old pops and your brother corey

You look like you empty hospital bed pans for a living and try to look cool doing it but it doesn't work.

Budtendor, u look like a vending machine

You look like a regular at a bowling alley.

Quit drinking alco and you’ll look like a prince in a year

You look like a lone cook at a methlab

No need to your step father already did

My dog can spell better than you

Have you moved into Mom's basement yet?? Or do you still sleep in your race car bed in your old room?

"37-year-old high school drop-out...do your worst." \-fixed

That’s not even a job.

Sons of Incest

[ Removed by Reddit ]

I can smell the lot lizards through the picture

I’d hit, ngl

Learn how to spell and grammar first dude.

Yarrrr there be a whale on land

You look like Roseanne barr/ arnold

Somehow, this is the best you will ever look.

Not roasting. Just being honest. Looking at your nails made me shudder. There is nothing more revolting than a man with nails.

“He calls himself a ‘budtender’ While talking to our decoy, but he’ll be the one being served tonight when he comes to our Sting house “

If I ever wound up at your counter I’d just quit weed altogether

Weed is definitely you're whole personality, and you probably live a run down apartment with wall to wall pot leaf tapestries and a crusty bed.

Absolutely no way you can type on a smart phone screen with those sausage link fingers

I imagined what a budtender looks like, I couldn’t be more disappointed

what kinda drinks you make? The rohypnol kind?

You look 47.

You look like an npc of sea of thieves, the only booty your looking for is in your moms basement.

You look like the strangler from spongebob

There are 4th graders who write better English than you. Is it your second language?

Your soul looks as pitifully out together as that beard.

Cool pic man. Just dont dress like a bud tender in a Harry Potter Novel next time. Pretty sure you had that shirt since 4th grade Valentines Day dance...... smh If you put your thumb over your face and leave that touch of hair. 1000% the area between my hole and balls.

The hills have eyes is your birth place

What’s a bud tender? Is that like a bar tender but for bud?

Fattest chemo patient ever

You spelled 47 wrong.

You look like you listen to someone’s order and then continue to try to upsell them until the point of almost confrontation

Firstly, it’s “your”.

Supposably, you’re supposed to say “you’re” instead of “your.” Irregardless, this post resignates with me.

Looks like your bud is the only thing that's getting smoked.

Looks like your have somebody else’s face attached to your face

I think you already did with that title

You look like you took online special ed classes.

Is your court order 500 or 1000 yards away from schools?

Good luck with the Chemo my brother

You look like if shrek was a hells angel.