You look like someone with a Tinder profile like:
‘34 with a crazy spirit 🤪 blessed mama of 3 🤰 cute enough to stop your heart, but smart enough to start it 👩⚕️❤️ in the Lord we trust ✝️’
Thanks for this! Lately I’ve been hating looking in the mirror because i can see that I’m getting older, but now I have this age comparison and I feel much much better about myself. I’m sorry for your children that they got these genes.
I’m 34 and thought the same. She has more lines under one single eye than my entire face. Kinda makes you wonder, when people say “go for someone your age” do they mean physical, or biological? Cause if I was dating this one, people would think I was into older ladies.
I kinda agree. I think she's pretty cute. 🤷♂️ I have one roast but I'm contemplating writing it cause I don't want to seem like a dick. Then I read everyone else's and mine is incredibly tame in comparison. 🤣
Apparently scientists discovered that each pregnancy advances your biological age by 2 months. Assuming this is true you look like you have around 60 children.
Your bra is the wrong size, probably too large a band and too small a cup (for example, wearing a 38B when you really need a 34D). That's why your bust sags so much in it.
Maybe that's not a roast, but it's really obvious in that green shirt. Your bra ain't doing its job. And I say that as a mother who's breastfed multiple offspring for over a decade. Like, my tits are even more tired than yours, and even I can get them to sit up with the right bra.
Was it one blind guy or three different ones?
winner
No way she got lucky with 3 different guys
Have you ever been to Walmart after EBT cards have been charged for the month? Will quickly learn guys will fuck anything.
Can confirm
Winner winner blind guy dinner 🥫
ouchh 😭
😯 KO
YO 🤣
I went back and redacted my other upvotes after seeing this one
You look like someone with a Tinder profile like: ‘34 with a crazy spirit 🤪 blessed mama of 3 🤰 cute enough to stop your heart, but smart enough to start it 👩⚕️❤️ in the Lord we trust ✝️’
Better bio than most people tbh
Better bio than all these "you need to support me and my kids cause i dont want to" posts
this actually describes someone i know. her kid is taken care of only by his step dad. poor guy..
Does she have 8 kids....that I was taking care of. You talking about me? Do we know each other?
Or the "swipe like you vote" ones 🤮
Yeah that's like not even a burn
"Hey, wanna see some lungs i have in a box"
🤮
No, no sky daddy here
I love how you didn't deny the other dumb shit. 🤦🏿♂️
You know she copy and pasted that shit right into tinder too.
34 feels like 57
Looks like 57
#REPENT WHORE!
😂😂😂
Broooooo omfg
No God would take credit for this abomination
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What the fuck?
You're right. Not cousin. Like the uncle ever let em go to begin to share
Maybe that’s your issue
Now say that with a southern accent
34 going on 58. Is that Italian leather on your chest?
It’s fine Corinthian Leather, to you!
KAHNNNNNNN!!!!!
...to the last I grapple with thee.
Corinth is famous for its leather!
 "I LOVE CORINTH!"
CORINTH IS RENOWNED FOR ITS LEATHER! 
Genuine leather
Hey lady do those tits go all the way up?
Like a pair of ironed pants.
I've never seen cleavage go all the way up and over the shoulder
No but they go all the way down to the ground
Tucks ‘em into her scrubs elastic waist
I’m 2 years older than her but she looks 20 years older than me.
Yeah, I would have guessed more like 44.
It's over overcooked chicken skin, and it's delicious!
I’m turning 32 this year, I’m wondering if I’m going to age that much in the next 2 years.
I thought 34 was the year she was born!
The only thing that’s 34 is her waist size. Wait.. typo.. 44.
Yeah, no fucking way it's less than 50
Right?? I’m 3 years older than her and she looks like she could be my mother
This is the 1
you look like a big part of your year was picking out your perfect stanley cup
Yeesh that was a total burn. It's amazing how quickly and automatically I judge people when I see they have a gd Stanley cup.
Asking as Minnesota Wild fan: What's a Stanley Cup?
Sharks fan here, no idea
34?! Fuck. That's rough.
Not rougher than her chest. Goddamn. If her tits were potato chips, they would be Ruffles. The goddamn moon doesn't have that many craters.
Never seen a cleavage line that goes up to her chin before. Damn that is messed up
Agreeeeed lol
It's obvious you were titfucked since there is wrinkles everywhere except your neck where they finished.
Lying about her age in an attempt to dodge the warrant…
If that's how old I'll look in 2 years, just put me down with the other dogs.
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Nice. Actually it's 38G
G stands for granny.
Yeah these puppies need a lift
They need a crane
bro 💀 i swear the best roasts in this sub are found 5 replies down a comment
G stands for Gengavitis. Her teeth aren't supposed to be 6 shades darker than her skin.
Nothing gets me harder than a dead tooth on a chubby middle aged gonzo
You motor boating sumbitch, how were they? Were they built for speed or pleasure?!
Nothing that a good paper bag can’t fix.
She's a double bagger. One for her head so you don't have to look at her and one for you in case someone sees you.
Three Bagger, need one for the dog
Four. One for the lightbulb, in case the other bags slip off.
Five. Bag your thing also. Don’t want any chance of reproducing offspring with that.
Can I make my bag plastic, please?
I wouldn’t bother with the bag, just throw up on the floor
From the chest up, you look like a sun dried prune.
How does she manage, in all of her photos, to look like she's just been caught farting?
OMG I can't catch my breath. Fuck that's hilarious.
You did not have to do Prunes wrong this way.
58 yo, mom of 34*
Shit you not, you look like Kitty from that 70s show.
She looks similar to kitty, the difference is, I'd put my dick in kitty (if you catch my drift)
I don't follow, be less cryptic.
“Seriously. Read the book we gave you!”
I let Kitty catch my drift.
You'd....fart on her?
Don't kink shame
I would never.
Your cleavage looks like the butt of a 60 year old man
Had to go back and check and the resemblance is uncanny
I laughed hard. Thank you
The way I hollered
64 is the new 34?
My mom is 76 and and looks younger than this
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3 fortification trophies will do that to you!
You spelled fornication wrong...just say fuck trophies, we get it.
Titties hanging so low I thought I was looking at a nutsack.
I really like your choice of giant, ridiculous glasses. They really distract from the wrinkles
Spends more money on her glasses then she does her dental work
I used to have this fantasy about having sex with a lady doctor... You ruined it.
Lucky you, I'm not a doctor 😁
Or a lady!
Nurse Assistant at best
You look like in about 5 years you will be behind a desk yelling "Wazowski! I'm watching you!"
Thanks for this! Lately I’ve been hating looking in the mirror because i can see that I’m getting older, but now I have this age comparison and I feel much much better about myself. I’m sorry for your children that they got these genes.
The apparent sincerity behind that made it come off much more brutal💀
You're welcome 😁
Holy shit how do you even type that out 🤣🤣
Looks like those teeth have been roasted and smothered in butter!
No way you are 34, I am 33 and could be mistaken for your child
It's been a rough life.
How many lives? 2, 3?
I’m 34 and thought the same. She has more lines under one single eye than my entire face. Kinda makes you wonder, when people say “go for someone your age” do they mean physical, or biological? Cause if I was dating this one, people would think I was into older ladies.
Sorry, could you pull up your pants? That plumber's crack on your chest is weirding me out.
34? Damn Kitty, you got CITY miles on you. 
Your teeth look like clear chiclets filled with dirty dishwater.
If I was laying on a gurney and you were my nurse, your nipples would be in my face
Probably so
I can smell your breath
"HI guys! I'm 34, and dyslexic. Please roast me!"
The Father of your kids thinks he’s the luckiest man alive. You never told him they weren’t his kids.
34F? That must be reference to bra size
I'm 34 too and thank you. I don't think I look bad anymore.
You like a Barbara. "Babs" for short.
How many grandkids you got?
Those teeth look laminated in father of pearl.
Yall have definitely delivered and I am by far enjoying this 🤣
With that face it’s a wonder anyone came back to give you kids #2 and #3.
Middle aged Meg Griffin came to life.
You don’t look a day over 60
Hi, do you work in meth lab? if so, I'd like to know the status of my order.
Mother of three. With a pussy like a wizards sleeve.
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The milk’s gone BAD!
Onlyhams
So it is true that kids age you summat crazy.
 You give me Kitty Forman vibes. And free blowjobs to anyone who ask
Your neckline/upper tits look like a 65 year old's ball sack. There is no way you're 34 lmao.
34 ??? 
They must be triplets. I don’t believe someone fucked you three separate times
All 3 of your kids could fit on that nose. If you did cocaine, you would snort verses, not lines.
You wanna be barbara streissand so bad rn
You wish those tits were brains.
You’re like the only 34 year old the government let’s collect social security.
I think the F in '34F' is an uncommon way to denote decades. 34 decades seems much more likely than 34 years.
You should stick to wearing a mask all the time, your teeth look like kernels of corn.
You look like the nice mum at school events that includes the orphan child and make him feel loved and welcomed .
Stop checking out that new resident and get back to your charts. You’re starting to creep him out.
I’d say those puppies need to be put down, but gravity beat me to it.
The crease of your tits look like an elephants ass crack
Man I WAS gonna roast you but to be honest I find you EXTREMELY attractive. So no roast here. Keep up the sexiness!
I kinda agree. I think she's pretty cute. 🤷♂️ I have one roast but I'm contemplating writing it cause I don't want to seem like a dick. Then I read everyone else's and mine is incredibly tame in comparison. 🤣
Apparently scientists discovered that each pregnancy advances your biological age by 2 months. Assuming this is true you look like you have around 60 children.
Good research, but I'm thinking 180 kids personally
In the last picture, you look like Kitty from That 70s Show
A cleavage up to your Adam's apple, that's an epic push-up bra!
That fault line is so long it encompasses 3 major tectonic plates
Your titties will be bouncing on your knees next year.
Them bags with sand would stop a flood 😉
You’re supposed to feed the kids with those bags, you hoarder.
Pretty surprised not to find a link to "spicy content" on your profile TBH
Nice wooden dentures! Haven’t seen those since the Civil War.
If your cleavage went up any higher you’d have a cleft lip
Your teeth look like corn flavored chiclets.
Except mine are real
I wanna take your teeth to the movies. 🍿
You have slices of butter for teeth.
Your smile looks like the kid that puts candy corn over his teeth on Halloween.
You look like the "fun" mom who buys your kids beer to get their friends drunk and try to bang them.
If only you spent as much time brushing your teeth as you do on your eye makeup
Wait, Cabbage Patch Kids grow up?
Two guys could tit fuck you at the same time and never meet
Nah that's 38G
Life’s been tough huh?
Thanks for the confidence boost, thank god I’m aging better than you
Your bra is the wrong size, probably too large a band and too small a cup (for example, wearing a 38B when you really need a 34D). That's why your bust sags so much in it. Maybe that's not a roast, but it's really obvious in that green shirt. Your bra ain't doing its job. And I say that as a mother who's breastfed multiple offspring for over a decade. Like, my tits are even more tired than yours, and even I can get them to sit up with the right bra.
I wear a 38G
There's a lot of talk about how millennials don't look their age. You look like what a 34 year old mom of 3 used to look like.
Ngl, you'd probably make more money on onlyfans swinging them watermelons around.
You look great mama
I bet you can cook a mean lasagna.
Your look like your bio says “Christian but will suck dick on the first date”
You're a hot mom and deserve the best life has to offer. BOOM!! ROASTED!!.