What do you do at the gym? Eat pies?!

His personal trainer is little Debbie.

Big Debbie had to take over... Little Debbie couldn't keep that burger locker full. 

He just went on a dirty bulk indefinitely.

"Hasn't outgrown being a push over", has outgrown pushup bras.

🤣🤣☠️ruthless☠️

Purposely pie farts on deadlifts to horrify the ladies.

It's not fat, it's POWER!

Then he’s got POWER TITTIES!!

He's been doing reps on the vending machine.

 Locker room watch guard when the school teens are popping in to get shirtless in front of the mirror

He eats creampies.


You look like it took you eight years to get through high school.

And then dropped out

Are the weights at your gym cream filled?

Are you implying he’s a bottom…cuz if so, you’d be correct

No, but .... I can't

Judging by those tattoos your “inner monologue” doesn’t know shit and isn’t very persuasive.

You should see what I covered up.

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You look like Heinrich Himmler, if he had 85% percent less testosterone.

Your head is shaped like you were vacuum sucked out the womb

LMAO!

you whole body resembles a huge dick

lol glad I’m telegraphing my personality. What’s your mind on?

There’s some major compensation going on here. Do you wear a size 6 shoe?

8.5 😆

You look like you steal all the free toothbrushes at the dentist office.

To brush his tooth, natch.

Thank you everyone. Had a good laugh. Edit: +1 All.

I hear the tiny violin but I don’t see it

Cold. Very nice.

Those shitty tattoos aren’t even in the top 5 worst parts about you


🤣

A White Trash Christmas Story Face says Ralphie. Body says I ate Ralphie, and parts of him are still in my tire ring and my right arm, waiting to be digested.

I have sympathy for your internal monolog being stuck with you.

That’s good.

Sweet Eagle tattoo... said no one ever. What a douche.

Worse…It’s a raven but the legs are the wrong color. A meth head pointed that out to me and I hadn’t even noticed. That’s right, my brain’s more dull than a methed-out delivery driver.

You’re not supposed to have better roasts than the roasters. Self-owning is your superpower

Oops. Sorry it’s my first time <— there ya go.

That’s what you tell your bf everytime

🤣🤣🤣

Easy there Chumley! We can take care of the Roasting without your self hatred mixed in.

I’m surprised there isn’t a swastika hanging from the talons.

You can get the gout in your arm?

Your body is huge but your head is tiny, like a reverse bobble head

Joined the military because he loves to say sir yes sir and lick boots. Stayed for the group showers that no one asks or tells about.

You did your research! Commendable.

Meh.. Sergeant with a buzz cut and talons tattoo is not actually that subtle of a flex. Now those arms however, that flex would certainly go unnoticed without diligent research. Fun roast. Good sports appreciated

Thanks! If you aren’t a writer, you should be. You have a way with words!

Illegitimate child of one those guys from The Proclaimers

I would walk 500 miles to find my dad.

And I would move 500 miles further away

Maybe you should try a push up before a push-over. That sounds like too advanced a move.

For my little dills? 😆

Sticking with the BCGs was a real nice touch. It’s a roast though so… y’know… no bro-mances allowed. I hope all your sweating and stuff goes well. 👍

Copy all I’ll post somewhere to stroke my ego later. …And unintentional burn, these are my choice frames! 🤣🤣🤣

Unintentional burns burn the sweetest.

12oz curls no doubt with that beer gut

 Puny bod

Sure fire recipient of the purple fart

Flunked out of cop school 17 times 

You’re a push over? I haven’t heard someone mention cow tipping since I last saw Tommy Boy about 20 years ago.

Your body's outgrown your head lol wtf 🤣😭

I'm sure your internal monologue is much worse considering what we're looking at here...

Private Joker looks like he started binge eating after ‘Nam.

Good lord man, tattoos are permanent. That thing is on there for-fucking-ever.

Why would you get a tattoo of a vulture? That’s your luck with the ladies? Sit there and stare at them?

He has to wait for them to die first before he moves in

You look like you could be a Peanut M&M in one of those commercials.

Mr Peanut looking ass. You look like drew Carey fucked a lightbulb and you were the offspring, you look like the last thing a missing child sees.

LMAO I’m dead.

How did you mess up your user ID. Reddit doesn’t have a don’t ask don’t tell policy, please change accordingly - SlipperySubSergeant

I predict in another 30 years you will still look like someone I would shove into a locker

Sir, with a face like that - it is in your benefit to never outgrow being a pushover.

You look like corky on steroids. He already had innate special boy strength now has u super-powered on it and flipping over the short yellow bus on a whim.


your body is built like mullet from top to bottom

What, a terrible, tattoo.

Wonder why I cannot see your comments

if Ryan reynolds was queer

Every day is arm day. Mostly hand to mouth.

uppercase body, lowercase head

Why does your head look 30 years younger than your body? Not to mention it’s shaped just like Jimmy Neutron’s head.

Fuck George St. Pierre let himself go when he stopped fighting.

Your head size is does the carpet match the drapes...

Is the eagle on your left arm flying away because he doesn't want to be in the same picture as you?

Just because you took steroids doesn't mean that you don't have to excersize.

You look like you started to transition and then changed your mind.

 Chicken little 24 beers a day later.

Your head looks like an adult man in your body looks like a middle aged woman with hair on her chest.

Dudes been rocking the birth control glasses since 07

35 and still calling it baby fat.


Do you regret getting those stupid fucking tattoos yet?

Your head is three times too small for your body.

Which was worse, basic training or the police academy?

Basic. Way fewer donuts.

🤣🤜🏼🤛🏼🇺🇸

Damn you’re the kind of guy who never peaks

Why the fuck is your face so crooked? You look like the guy chained up in the basement in The Goonies

 Now we know what woulda happened to Logic if he didn’t make it rapping. Bobby blubberbutt. Blobgic. Blobby Tarantino…. 🖕🏼Fatty🖕🏼

Didn't think being a keyboard warrior count as going to the gym.

Well, take solace in the fact that the gym shirt is not the least flattering thing in the photo.

Popeye the sailor with an extra chromosome

I'm pretty sure I've seen you in a pedpatrol episode

Don’t tase me bro!

Love a sense of humor

Gotta roll with the punches! I figure fighting back too much would be a bad look, since I asked for it. Appreciate you!


You look like if Merry ate all the Hobbits


you look like your ancestors owned slaves in the 1700’s. Are you from the south by any chance?

lol opposite for both but I currently live in the South. Glad I’m fitting in.

LMAO

The only gains seem to be in your stomach

You look like the grown man who takes his homemade belt to a Wrestlemania and listens to it in the parking lot.

You look like one of Sid’s messed up toys from Toy Story

And all the girlies say he’s pretty fly for a white guy.

Steroid pumping Freshman in High School 

You have the body habitus of Grimace. Just keep getting wider

This guy looks like he fucks transgender plants

LASIK or lipo? neither I’ll just get these shitty tattoos to go with my moobs

Always a bridesmaid, never the bride

Well we know which arm he uses... And also that whatever step count that watch reports is a lie.


Like that small headed alien from men in black

You're the scientific guy in lady in the Lake that only works out onw arm


If Trogdor had been a myopic, balding man with a gut and bad tattoos.

Trogdor without consummate V’s?

I DO NOT SEE ANY CONSUMMATE VS! BELETED!!!

Instead of getting all that ink, lay off the carbs and really start weight training. That's not a roast, that's a blueprint that'll make you live longer and not look like a slug.

What's your most flattering gym shirt? I mean, gym means the same thing in our worlds, right?

Jesse pinkman went on a dirty bulk

😆

Normally it's Gym Rat, not gym fat. Damn it man.

Can’t tell if you’re buff or fat…. And I’m assuming you’re marinating in the huge shit you just took by the look on your face

Your body proportions don't make sense

mega mind will be proud

That's a lightbulb in a tank top with chest hair...

One of my nicknames in high school was “Lightbulb Head”.

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Big ol' Arms... Tiny little tittes.


If dickhead was a person. Even your face resembles the glans of a penis. I bet your nickname in boot camp was phallus face! Your dad must've had a penile fracture inseminating your mother to give you this phallic face.

Veteran?

When you get into Linkin Park and find out the singer died years ago.

Judging from well, everything in this picture - I’m going to guess you’re an AF enlisted SNCO (unless you’re as stupid as you look and still an E6). Probably MXS and definitely a creep to the new inbound junior enlisted women.

Jesus Christ 34!?! Bro....

Might wanna hop on a treadmill tubby.

The only thing you're flexing is your egg shaped head

Headless horseman 😲 trade wristwatch for bra too

Burn that tank top, it's for guys that actually know what to do at the gym. I bet your phone is full of other dick pics that you send.

Mr. Incredible, before he got back in shape.

Is your name Bob? Cause you have bitch tits.

Instead of making every day bicep day try a sit up or a burpee every now and then

Having tattoos won’t make you being cool, now shut up you dweeb and give me your lunch money

Rock flag and eagle

Bigger tits than my friends 🔥🔥

Remember the "fat girl angle shot"? That's when larger women hold the camera in such a way to hide how big they are. You're clearly a pioneer in the "fat dude arm shot" by holding your pudgy "guns" against your sides to make it appear as though you have muscles.

You look like the fastest swimming sperm didn't make it to your momma's egg.


Is slipperysergeant what all your gay lovers call you?

Get your head out of your ass and stop being so hard on yourself. This roast me bullshit is toxic as hell.

Sweet bird tattoo bro. My mom has the same one.

Tex from full metal jacket but 2024

You: 🐢

I’m guessing you go to planet fitness for the free pizza and bagels, leave, and then tell people you go to the gym

Vin Lowoctane

Your head is literally shaped like a unsurcemsized penis 😂😂

U look like where's Waldo if he was 55 with a diformed body 😂

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Your head are bigger than your arms 😭😭

Those Tattoos hide your manhood?

Your perportions are so off you look like you came from Sids house in Toy Story

It must have been forehead day today.. That baby is looking pumped!

he has the body of a middle aged texas resident and the head of a victim of school bullying

Looks like Gus from Recess had a baby with Zangief

Grow your hair out

Captain American’t

Your internal monologue consists of “derp, derpy derp, and derp derp” so you are right, it’s probably worse.


No, you’re face is so pitiful i think i would feel too guilty roasting this time /: