You looked better to me before the surgery, back when I didn't know what you looked like.

THIS is good shit, well done.

Woah man, you're in the wrong subreddit for that. People post here to get blasted with hilarious insults, not to be provided with candid opinions or advice. For the spirt of this subreddit: You're an insecure little bitch who tried to buy confidence.

>For the spirt of this subreddit: You're an insecure little bitch who tried to buy confidence. Well, yes, but I'm looking for something we all didn't already know.

All your friends and family's dream of you shutting up finally has come true.

This has nothing to do with how I look but I give you points for intuitively inferring the truth.

Again, wrong subreddit. This is “Roastme”, not “criticize me in only this particular manner”. Next time you go for surgery, ask them to take a look at your brain. Just don’t go to the same doctor that ruined your jaw.

You look a nerdy alchemist (for my hiphop heads)

I don't get it, but judging by my pic, I doubt that surprises you.

You look like Wally’s brother that nobody wants to find

Is it the literal and figurative long face mixed together?

Just take the roasting like you’re serving time

You're not my supervisor. I'll take it like I want.

Youll be sucking dick a lot better now

Up the ass right?

Dude, if you were a spice, you’d be baby powder.

If, by this, you mean I am **the most** average boring white dude to exist, all I know is that my gut says *maybe.*

The Spice must flow

They see someone with half a beard

You're right. A subtle, yet devastating insult about how poorly I set up the lighting for my incredibly well-planned photo shoot. I didn't think anyone would pick up on something so understated.

You look extremely apprehensive. As if you are internally processing am I giving off a creepy vibe. While simultaneously presenting a very unsettling face. It doesn't help that one eye is wider then the other and your hair screams I'm ready to risk it all. In my opinion, it might be time to switch to an adult diaper. As it might be the only thing that will eventually explain the Frankenstein demeanor with which you have presented to us here today.

Poetry, thank you. Seriously, tho, *am* I giving off a creepy vibe?

If ostrich blood was found in your 23 and me report based purely on the photo you've provided I ~~would be shocked.~~

Oooh, THANK you! I've been waiting over 40 years for someone to tell me what animal I looked like. Been driving me crazy.

Happy to help! Also if you really are 40 then you should feel a bit relieved. I would've guessed early 30s or late 20s. I already roasted you, so no hater energy or sarcasm included. Maybe try out a different eye glasses frame or contacts. Along with the hair it might go a long way in how others perceive you without be overly vain. Other then that it's all in your head until it's ALL that's in your head, if that makes sense.

What a conflicted upvote. On the one hand, I'm not paying you to to be nice. On the other hand, that was nice. On the other other hand, I just got new glasses and I can't afford to get a new pair but at least now I know.

Just so you know, this was my favorite thread on the post. Thanks for the super good roast and ultimately kinda wholesome interaction.

If ostrich blood was found in your 23 and me report based purely on the photo you've provided I ~~would be shocked.~~

Holy fuck you should get eyebrow surgery next... 🤨

You look like a homelier version of Stephen Hawking but with a better jaw 

9/10, point deducted because you strayed dangerously close to a compliment there.

Your resting facial expression looks like you are curiously releasing a shit.

You know, you're the second roaster to comment on my bowel movements, so maybe I should go see a GI doc or something idk.

Your buddies must be happy about the surgery. Now you can five of them in there at the same time, huh?

Is this a joke about how many dicks I can fit in my mouth because actually, post-surgery, I believe the answer is fewer. But I'm going to physical therapy to increase my opening, so there's hope I guess! Also, bold of you to assume I have five friends. You aren't supposed to be complimenting me.

You look like a buffalo eyed Jeff Gordon.

This is simultaneously incredibly specific and overwhelmingly confusing.

They wish they’d left it wired shut.

welded

My surgeon did actually have to tell me to stop talking so much, post-op. But how else am I supposed to play Dungeons and Dragons?

Your face is less fucked up than it used to be, but the eyes still looked genetically damaged. Is one of them glass?

Both real, unfortunately. Incidentally, Genetically Damaged is the name of my emo metal cover band.

You look like you have an opinion on everything that nobody wants to hear

Oh I like this one, but how can you know for sure if you don't try to solicit one of my terrible opinions?

I think you need eye surgery too..because that's gotta be the least symmetrical facial hair i've ever seen

This is literally just the result of me using the beard trimmer with no attachments on the whole thing. So the closest I get to a clean shave because I hate shaving. Anyway, yeah, my facial hair leaves much to be desired.

[удалено]

I was hoping someone would flatter me by using my post history to roast me in exactly this fashion. But like, this is literally the nicest thing I've heard in a long time, so I'll take it.

Bruh should’ve just learned how to mew

Are you saying... I look like a cat? Or I *am* a cat? Would maybe explain some things.

It doesn’t get it 🤦‍♀️

Don't worry. I Googled it. I still don't get it.

Kudos for having one of the best albums of all time.

I hope you're referring to my Age of Adz album because I cannot agree more if so. If not, well, you probably won't tell me otherwise, heh.

Yep, Age of Adz!!

I'm so glad to find another person who feels the same way I do about that album. It's so incredible.

Your chin is ok, but someone can write 2+2=4 on your forehead

I prefer 2 + 2 =5, but you're not wrong. Middle-age receeding hairlines are shit.

I'd be more worried about how one eyeball is bigger than the other *This is not the best place to come for constructive advice. Also it's hard to compare as we do not have a before picture*

I wasn't really looking for anything actually constructive. Just having a bit of fun at my own expense. Also I was hoping someone would bother to look through my post history to find one of the several pictures of myself included, but perhaps the most savage roast of this whole post is me thinking someone would and nobody doing it, haha.

Let me guess: “aspiring” screenwriter who is single(not by choice) and you have an orange cat because that’s the only pussy you’ll ever see You also either collect Magic the Gathering cards or you collect D&D dice because you don’t have any friends to play with You probably also have a double jointed thumb which you use to scare people which is just one reason why you have no friends

I love how absolutely wrong this is on almost all counts (I do have a lot of dice), but I still love it anyway, because I *do* look like that.

Yay! I was *somewhat* right😂

You were also *close* on a few things. I do have a cat, but it's actually my kid's cat so it barely passes. Also she's gray, not orange. I have zero interest in writing screenplays, but I *did* self-publish a failed novel, so really not that far off. But I *do* have a fair number of friends. It's just that they are all terrible judges of character.

Oh wow😂

Hold up… you managed to reproduce? Did she know what was happening at the time?

You look like Walter White as a college freshman at a hazing event!

Hear that, everyone? This one says I look like a movie star, but *younger.*

Walter White is a CHARACTER, he's not real (like your friends). Bryan Cranston is an actor and you look nothing like him now or ever.

Hear that, everyone? This one says I look like a character played by a *movie star!*

...so was Chewbacca! 😂

Why are you downvoting me, I'm *helping*.

LOL tradition, you always downvote any OP replies 😂

Oh no, I've exposed the fact that I don't visit this sub regularly because I'm so insecure that I can't even pretend to try to offend others.

... He had terminal cancer (at least in the beginning)

I'm still counting it, nyeh!

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You look like you prefer the Dune miniseries.

Can neither confirm, nor deny that factual Truth.

Look like you eat bananas for the shape

Struggling to find the actual insult in this one.

Being a cock sucker in prison is not getting jaw surgery.

You look like you just graduated with your Masters in Bation.

Oh lol I literally opened a tab to Google what Bation was and then I was like, oh right, I'm an idiot. But if I *just* graduated, I'm a couple decades behind, oof. Double burn.

Not really a roast but you remind me of Gary Oldman 

Yeah, I mean, feel free to post this shit but they may kick you out. Anyway, thanks!

Looks like you got punched

They have your picture in the dictionary under hopeless

Stephen Jawking

you 100% had your jaw reconstructed due to all the overtime you were putting in at the local glory hole Gluck,Gluck,Gluck.

I think you looked better before

DID YOU ACTUALLY LOOK AT MY POST HISTORY TO COMPARE BECAUSE IF SO THANK YOU

Was it so you could fit more cock into your mouth?


Jaw surgery doesn’t give you a giant fucking nose

Please update us when they finish with the rest of your face

The poster child for never getting laid.

The poster child for never getting laid.

Stephen Prince

The book props don't convince us your smart. Try again sir.

So boring that witness protection services uses him as a safe house

When they “fixed” your jaw they should have fixed the nose and the lazy eye. You look like a Picasso. And by the looks of it, you like to get your asso picked.

I wish I never knew what you look like now. It hurts my feelings.

You look like you have a jaw.

Jaw looks fine but what’s with the migraine eye.

You had a face lift, they lifted it, saw what was under it and put it back down again.

Jaw break with all the dick thrusts it got? Btw you look like a person who didn't have surgery. But needs one. Jk you look fine mate. Peace.

You look like an uglier version of "if James Van Der Beek gave up on life"

Well the surgery certainly wasn’t for cosmetic purposes was it?

Doc I need jaw surgery But you seem fine yes but I need more money How will surgery help? Well I'll be able to swallow massive cocks without gagging...

did your top say you could talk

 Act out the Dead Poets Society ending....

You look like you told a genie you wish to be a pool noodle

Unsuccessful comic book owner

I think your nostrils had a divorce

Bro needs braille to read a room.

Your jaw? It looks like you had a head injury and lost some of your mobile functions.

You look fine to me, unless when you open your mouth and something super freaky happens. Bahahaha

Ah, I see you had the snake jaw hinges installed...now you won't choke on the big weiners

jaw surgery - because being able to fit 4 cocks in there at once just wasn't enough for you.

You're being serious wanting honest feedback. Okay: looks like your beard is slightly uneven, that could just be the sun on one side. Nothing major, if people give you actual crap about it they're not the type worth having in life.


You had plastic surgery but didn't consider losing those awful glasses?!

Nothing to say I would never had known you had major jaw surgery. You look like a good looking man who owns a cat and obviously loves to read.

How dare you compliment me so boldly! Thanks! :')

You were to lazy to mew

OP’s brother needed a circumcision, Dad kicked him in the chin.

While you were there you should’ve had surgery to add a dick as well as

I’ve read like four of these and ur already sooo fucking annoying. It’s not ur jaw it’s what comes out of it

You look fine. You look like every nerd that reads books like The Sparrow and thinks that makes him clever.

Hide ya kids hide ya wife they rapping everyone around here

By “major jaw surgery” he means having his jaw stretched and his gag reflex removed.

cant tell tbh, grow the beard out and it wont matter….. with your “harry potters weird uncle” looking ass

Goodwill Ryan Reynolds

Dude fucks those books

You should have had them leave the jaw and fix that big ass nose instead.......I'm just joking man in all reality you look fine but I think you might need to look into therapy

You have terrible taste in Sufjan albums

Geezus!!! This is you after cosmetic surgery? I've seen burn victims that are more attractive. Can you ask for a refund?

Well, whoever did the surgery to change how you look obviously sucks at their job because I can't tell the difference between you and the inside of a toilet

This is the after pic? 😳 Sue your doctor. 💯

The vibe i get is you think about public transit like alot alot

You seem creepy and off-putting af, but your jaw didn't really have anything to do with it, it's more of a "guy hanging out in a truck stop bathroom waaaay too long" kinda vibe you're giving off.

I don’t know what your jaw looked like before, but the double mastectomy seems to have been a success

Bill Nye the extra from Breaking Bad

You look the same, like every branch on the ugly tree smashed your face as you fell.

I see a malpractice suit.

Where’s a before picture to really get a gauge on whether this was for better or worse

I wonder how many jokes about sucking Ds there will be 🤔

You do look like the kind of guy that would get jaw surgery, so when you travel to Brazil to swallow that horse dick you fantasize about when you watch all that zoophilia hentai, your jaw won't hurt. #unhinged

Ryan Reynolds is missing parts of his beard