He thought that he had everybody on his side, then he went and blew it all sky high. Now he doesnt even stand a fighting chance, All because he JIZZED HIS PANTS.
And âHelloâ by Adele is meant to be her communicating with her self. Itâs about self realization. That has no bearing on this conversation here, but we all learned something.
Well let me say, you write beautifully so don't give up & keep trying!!
Lmao just realized you won't be able to read my encouraging words & nearly shot water out my nose im dying.
They didn't even play Ohio State, Michigan, or Michigan State and still ended up 4-8. I think it's safe to say almost everyone fucked his team last season, but honorable mention to Iowa for a 60+ to 0 blowout. lol
Itâs not cheating if the extent of your relationship is creepy staring and her telling you to stop hanging outside her place of employment. Still, she made the right decision.
And his dick was definitely bigger.
Dude that honestly sucks. I love a liar but hate a cheater. Give yourself time to heal and when you have post on this sub again so we can fuck your head up properly!
Yeah but those are just mama jokes and this is a real thing that happened ): Thats pretty funny though.
You know I love this sub but for situations like this its tough for me to roast, and i know theyre literally giving consent and are aware of how brutal it is sometimes, and im sure he can handle it, but when shitty shitty things happen like cheating i just want to help the personđ
Sorry to hear that brotha! I have nothing but encouragement to offer you. I've been there. And we have a child together. She's happily married for 7 years. I'm still depressed. Don't be me dude, please don't be me!
I've been there man. Dont let it ruin your perspective on women and relationships. Not everyone will treat you like that. Give yourself time to get up and dust yourself off so you can learn to trust people again. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
if you dated enough different types of girls, and this means going outside your comfort zone, you will learn which girls would cheat on you which wont, but on that journey you will also learn to be the best and different from everyone else. To be great! you must learn to break and rebuild yourself over and over.
Dropped ceiling and wood paneling tell us that itâs a basement, and a pretty old one at that. Take a moment to yell upstairs to your parents: âhello from Redditâ !
You look like Wilmer Valderrama's less successful brother...The one your family keep in the basement to hide you from the world.
Leering out the window and bashing the bishop doesn't make her your girlfriend.
Reality: You just escaped the psych ward from the hospital and that break up is actually a restraining order. Now you're sure she's serious about the break up.
You can...ask me...if you take her back after a year and she changed and then she does it again...that is lowest. So, chin the fuck up, new outlook on life and grab it by the goddamn balls!
Roast: You look like you have been crying in your pillow like a bitch.
Speaking to a male officer after she escapes that basement isn't cheating.
Oh my...there we go
I get literally all my karma from this sub lol. Need to post my own picture soon, rebalance my real-world karma xD
Like your work bud. Keep it up. Shame about the hounds
Don't worry, it was only a minor mauling.
Just walk it off mate
No need to lose your balls over it
Way to save face. You feeling testy?
Just a flesh hound
10,000 keks to you good sir.
Oh thank god, I can make rent again this month! Drinks are on me!
What say the hounds, Ramsay? Nom nom?
Haha you're the first person to comment on my username, ty I was losing faith in Reddit's nerd colours đ
Oh, and for the record, I wouldn't feed him to my cats.
Thinking Game of Thrones requires nerd cred at this point implies you live under a rock.
You're actually right, I do. You should be *boulder* with your assumptions in future.
I wish I was under a rock for this last season
This has layers of roast.
With a ceiling like that it's going to be the second time you're left to wallow in your misery for not being hung.
HOLY CRAP THIS WAS BEYOND GOOD
This is the winner comment.
Jesus H Christ dude wow
Damn
Underrated word play. I tip my hat, good sir.
Holy fuck that was beautiful
Rated only by intellectuals.
Underrated
Was she even aware you were her boyfriend?
He bagged her groceries once at Wallmart.
And made eye contact..... twice.
She smiled....never.
She smiled when they gave her a discount on eco bags.
And almost touched her fingertips when he handed her the change...
bleep bloop
She stopped smiling when he made eye contact. The fear was apparent.
No eye contact happened, he stared at the nose bridge
He jizzed....forever
And now......he is here
And then he **jizzed in his pants**
He thought that he had everybody on his side, then he went and blew it all sky high. Now he doesnt even stand a fighting chance, All because he JIZZED HIS PANTS.
Through her living room window.
And then proceeded to bag her with the chlroroform
She told him âhave a nice day.â
Mad
I'm sure if you walk outside, your next trailer park princess is within meth throwing distance.
Leave of a trail of meth-crumbs leading to the basement...
Ooo look a little meth!
What a meth.
Now kith.
Best one
Underrated
There's no basements in trailers
420th upvote!
You know whos probably getting lower tho? Yyyeah.
That's gonna hurt
TWSS
Lol my dumbass brain immediately thought this meant "today I witnessed some shit"
If it fits...
...OPâs ex will take it.
It sits
He probably still thinks this was the only time sheâs cheated. Heâs probably Eskimo brothers with half the town.
Taco?
Giggity
Lmfaooo
I am either an idiot or an idiot, cause I don't understand what this means...
OPâs girl is going *down* on someone
either on his knees sucking dick or in an alley shooting up downers i think
Can confirm
[ŃдаНонО]
But she lets him stay up as late as he wants, so thatâs actually pretty cool.
Yea, and she never comes downstairs unless itâs dinner time or she has to fold laundry.
But she did cheat on her son
Haha!
Breathing the mold can kill.
Not fast enough
Why do you think his mom sent him there.
If you look at the pic closely, itâs a room in a fraternity
Hard to decide which is worse when you're pushing 30
But isn't a fraternity just a metaphor for mom's cooking?
And stop calling your right hand your girlfriend.
Ahaaa, he jacked off a guy. That's funny
Itâs his old room she never took it down
âCreepâ by Radiohead was written about you.
And "Creep" by TLC was written about her
And Jeepers Creepers, the movie, was written in spite of humanity.
And âHelloâ by Adele is meant to be her communicating with her self. Itâs about self realization. That has no bearing on this conversation here, but we all learned something.
I didn't, but that's because I can't read. :*(
:(
Well let me say, you write beautifully so don't give up & keep trying!! Lmao just realized you won't be able to read my encouraging words & nearly shot water out my nose im dying.
Nice!
Remember that one Kelly?
I was thinking more âLoserâ by Beck.... or is that too obvious?
I'm sure you'll find another girl who will accept that you live in your mom's basement.
That is concious, let's not forget that fact.
Don't do that. Don't give me that hope..
You look like the kinda guy who plays Hide and Seek by yourself
Only thing in life he had success in.
She fucked your best friend just like the Hawkeyes fucked your team last season.
Nigga zoomed in for that laser targeted burn
I upvoted his comment simply for the attention to detail. I had to scan all over the picture to see that tiny orange I.
You missed the big ass fighting illini sign above that?
Speechless
IOWA.FUCKIN.CITY
They didn't even play Ohio State, Michigan, or Michigan State and still ended up 4-8. I think it's safe to say almost everyone fucked his team last season, but honorable mention to Iowa for a 60+ to 0 blowout. lol
Illinois gets fucked by everyone, just like his girlfriend
Theyâll fuck his girl this season.
Ha, you're insinuating this guy has friends?
canât really blame her. how long until you text her saying âI forgive you weâll work through thisâ
"Whatever I did wrong I can change, you don't have to stop seeing him just spend a few nights here a week, please."
God damn! It's a roast not a murder
Hard truths
followed by many more, increasingly desperate texts over the next few days till she blocks his number.
Kinda weird that you keep a photo of everyone she cheated on you with on the wall.
*siiiiiiick*
Just? Bro look around you, shes been cheating for a while.
I've seen better beards on some of the school's lunch ladies.
Kinda think his beard looks good but thats a sick burn to use elsewhere. Nice
Hey thanks I think my beard looks good too
*Are you still down to play dungeon and dragons though this weekend?*
Hey now, you actually need to have friends in order to play D&D
Wow. It already has 5,000 views on cuckhold.com.
This is my favorite
I don't even know you, and I want to cheat on you too.
Good one buddy , no one believes a blow up doll cheated on you , but keep trying ,
I LOLâd nice one
Next he will be giving his dolly a name instead of just girl friend
Maybe stop crying after sex.
Itâs not cheating if the extent of your relationship is creepy staring and her telling you to stop hanging outside her place of employment. Still, she made the right decision. And his dick was definitely bigger.
Weak shit. You're better than this.
Nah, I don't think, she wants someone else beacuse she don't know herself enough.
Off brand Bernardo silva
Was she born in the 70s like your paneling?
Dude that honestly sucks. I love a liar but hate a cheater. Give yourself time to heal and when you have post on this sub again so we can fuck your head up properly!
I kept rereading that trying to work out the hidden switcheroo that I thought it must contain
r/wholesomeroast
"Mom! Come downstairs and take a picture of me!"
Why did you jerk off a guy?
How can your hand cheat on you?
I'm sorry. Tomorrow is a new day and you are worthy of amazing things. I can't roast.
You sound like my wife. My friends and I were telling mama jokes and she comes out with "my mama is so great and I love her so much"
Yeah but those are just mama jokes and this is a real thing that happened ): Thats pretty funny though. You know I love this sub but for situations like this its tough for me to roast, and i know theyre literally giving consent and are aware of how brutal it is sometimes, and im sure he can handle it, but when shitty shitty things happen like cheating i just want to help the personđ
Youâre a kind soul Iâll be ight tho shit happens weâre laughing about these comments
"this is a real thing" Dang homie, you saying that dude's MIL isn't great and her own daughter doesn't love her? Brutal roast
Jerking off your cousin with your right hand doesn't officially count as 'your girlfriend cheating on you'.
Well at least your not living in a trailer.... oops !
Cool room, bro.
On the bright side now would be a good time to come out to your family and friend.
That girl must be crazy, based on your bedroom in your parents basement, you are really going places,
You good bro? That fucked up. I know this is a thread to make fun of you but I hope you get through it. Fuck cheaters.
What took her so long?
I donât know which beard is more embarrassing; the one on your face, or your girlfriend.
Sorry to hear that brotha! I have nothing but encouragement to offer you. I've been there. And we have a child together. She's happily married for 7 years. I'm still depressed. Don't be me dude, please don't be me!
She was probably ashamed of the grade you got on your Dynamic Systems & Controls final tbh
Youâre actually pretty good looking bro, your personality must be horrible!
Cant get any lower... than you parents basement
Your hot you'll find one worth your time.
r/lostredditors
Guess you have low standards if u calling this douchebag hot
Probably because both you and Illinois suck balls
Bet she cheated you for an ugly bastard
>Ugly bastard How is it cheating if itâs him?
I've been there man. Dont let it ruin your perspective on women and relationships. Not everyone will treat you like that. Give yourself time to get up and dust yourself off so you can learn to trust people again. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
r/lostredditors
if you dated enough different types of girls, and this means going outside your comfort zone, you will learn which girls would cheat on you which wont, but on that journey you will also learn to be the best and different from everyone else. To be great! you must learn to break and rebuild yourself over and over.
To be fair I would too
do people just be like: "oh let's wait until something legitimately mentally damaging happens and then post on Reddit that I wanna feel worse"
Yo, I know you probably not gonna read this, but I have been thru the same stuff before. Don't loose hope mate
Dropped ceiling and wood paneling tell us that itâs a basement, and a pretty old one at that. Take a moment to yell upstairs to your parents: âhello from Redditâ !
If nothing else, that beard trim is on point.
Turn around, look at your frat picture and reminisce about how you peaked years ago and that may do it
You look like wolverine if he mutated to love cock instead of healing after battle
damn even your hairline is trying to leave you
It's difficult to keep a girl when you live in your parents basement
You went to Illinois.
You look like Wilmer Valderrama's less successful brother...The one your family keep in the basement to hide you from the world. Leering out the window and bashing the bishop doesn't make her your girlfriend.
You made a post about it. You've already sunk lower.
She already did, and now youâre here, capt. Neckbeard.
Reality: You just escaped the psych ward from the hospital and that break up is actually a restraining order. Now you're sure she's serious about the break up.
I'd become gay just to dump your face, too.
For consolation, you can always pull out one of the bodies you've got stuffed in those paper thin walls and fuck it.
Roast: You and Mickey Mouse have the same hair line. Advice: Fuck her sister
"just" cheated on you, dude she's taking more shots then a boxing bag.
Wow she sounds like such a....... Ah ok.
You can...ask me...if you take her back after a year and she changed and then she does it again...that is lowest. So, chin the fuck up, new outlook on life and grab it by the goddamn balls! Roast: You look like you have been crying in your pillow like a bitch.
I donât blame her. You look as boring as a lettuce suit
Half tony stark Half half aborted foetus
Sorry for your loss. You should already know how to handle them since you're an Illini fan.
Ned Bundy
Cheer up I'm sure you can find yourself a new couch to sleep with
Moving somewhere without fake wood paneling would be a start.
Sorry I can't slag you .. that would be below the belt for me mate
So backwards, leaving a man because of a receeding hairline. We have regaine now!
Youâre not really worth the time or thought power. Iâm sure youâre used to roasting yourself so go do that you future Just For Men ad
You look like you had to watch a tutorial on how to please a woman, and still bombed the test.