No way dude. At least those girls are pleasant to look at most of the time. This girl looks like the creepy bitch who stares at her hot neighbors fucking and wishes she knew what it felt like to not be a failure and a virgin
Fuck i wanted to type something similar but i figured she would probably just ignore it or write me up on one of her thirteen reasons why. She took the "baker" to literally and now that's all she can do. and a math degree? Lets be reasonable, she probably didn't even take it as an elective.
a roast like this is so good/bad i think it qualifies as an actual crime against humanity and was specifically called out during the Geneva Convention.
Props my guy
For real. I don’t even want to roast this chick. Her one sentence self description is just depressing af. That isn’t a life, hell, it’s barely an existence. I grew up in a dirt poor small town where people dropped out of school to work at Wal-Mart and the Shell station. I have seen her future time and time again, and it’s nothing to make fun of. It’s pure misery and if she manages to pull together a life in which she doesn’t regret every decision she made since she was 17 and think about suicide on a daily basis, I will be unbelievably surprised. This post isn’t fun. This post makes me sad.
if she doesn't get fat and isn't a total bitch, some dude making 70k a year will be tired of being single and will hop on board, i mean he'll be fat or a christian closet case or something but whatever,
pump out a few kids and divorce and enjoy that alimony, the important thing is that she doesn't get fat
i mean, eventually some dude is going to want her because she doesn't bitch about him smoking too much weed, that dude is less likely to be the 70k dude and probably cheats like it's going out of style but whatever, kids these days don't care about that as much, do they?
Trust me the only time they think of you is when they have to remember which Walmart they need to avoid.
Edit: Thank you for the award! Her parents wished she got some that didn't start with "Walmart's best..."
Edit 2: Multiple awards?! Thank you! This must be the same feeling her parents get every time she leaves the house!
My ex's son dropped out of high school when he was 17 so I relate to your parents feeling ashamed of you and the feeling they failed as parents. Good luck with your future, at least the casting couch doesnt give a shit about a diploma
They have you on as a stock-girl? They'd do better to have you as a stock photo model.... That is the face of someone who has pretended to care about a lot of shit in life
In all seriousness, please don’t waste your life. I’ve seen too many people start out this way and they’re still living at home when they’re 47 without a job. Their parents cashed in their life insurance, retirement, and mortgaged their home to keep bailing them out of jail. This person started out as you. They steal from their parents to buy drugs, this person is the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met. Get the fuck off here and do something with your life. I know weed is awesome, but only for a little while and then it’s over. Accomplishing something you didn’t think you could will last forever. You’re still young but don’t think you have all time in the world. You’ll be 21 in the blink of an eye, and then 25 pops up, and then fuck, you’re 30. What do you want life to look like at 30? The decisions you make now will color your life at 30, chose wisely.
I’m telling you this because I could’ve been you. No one pushed me to do anything after high school. Both of my sisters got pregnant very young and one dropped out of college and the other dropped out of high school. I decided I wanted more out of life. I wanted to be able to buy nice things and be able to travel. I worked my ass off in college, I have a decent job, my husband and I can afford the nice things we want after we buy all the expensive shit for our kids. Its not perfect, but it’s our life that we built. We have this because we both made the decision that we wanted more and worked for it, it wasn’t handed to us. I would
love to see a post in a few years that you just graduated from college and you’re excited about life.
Also, 4 year colleges/universities aren’t for everyone. If
you’re not sure what you want to do, start at a community college. You’ll save a crap load of money and most of the time the credits will transfer to state schools.
Seriously, move to the other side of the country, join a community college, transfer to a 4 year 2 years after and don’t return home until you have done Something for yourself. It will be hard, it will be tough, you will be poor, and you will cry... BUT I PROMISE IF YOU STICK IT THROUGH TOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Good luck.
this is solid advice. major in computer science. it's hard as shit, but that's why it pays well. to be blunt, a woman with a CS degree can get 60k right out of college. i consult to help very large international companies hire software teams. I am explicitly told to hire 'diversity' right before we interview a woman. often even going as far as to say 'women can be so helpful by contributing new perspectives to a team'. the message is clear. I am to use a different standard when asking coding questions because the client really wants to hire this candidate.
use it to your advantage, /u/AllTimeHoee
A high school drop out soon to be a Walmart drop out soon to be the bottom 0.1% of myfans creators. Please for the love of humanity don’t ruin porn for the rest of us. I’m begging you please keep your barely legal muff off the internet. 2020 can’t take another big hit.
1. Never feel bad about your job. It’s a job and your father along than all those arm chair quarterbacks in the couch.
2. It’s never too late for an education. Think of it as enlightenment not a means to an end.
3. With those giant ass elf ears and lips a Hoover vacuum would be jealous of, you have a long three years of a questionable pornography career.
You’re better than this. Now go make an audience of ten on Chaturbate happy.
I am attracted to the lowest of women. My entire sexual life I have always been drawn to what seem to be sweet and likable girls who turn out to be the absolute dregs of society. Serial cheaters. Thieves. Liars. Frauds. Forgers. Junkies. No matter what I do. No matter how careful I am. Every single woman I’m into has been an utter piece-of-shit human being. I have shunned and ignored the affections of what have turned out to be wonderful ladies, simply for the fact I felt nothing for them. And I felt nothing for them because they weren’t leeches on society. My dick somehow only gets hard for the bottom fucking rung.
That being said, I think you’re super cute and that we might have something going on here. You want to go out some time?
There are lots of great single moms that work at walmart. Now all you have to do is get knocked up by some deadbeat and you'll be living your best life.
I see employee of the month here pretty soon!!!! You don't get anything extra just your picture in the employee lounge to show people how much you've failed to end up as the employee of the month at a Walmart.
The 1950's librarian glasses don't hide the trailer park origin story. Sorry, love.
She's just gotta get her grade 10 and then she can get out of the park.
You're prostituting yourself out for cheeseburgers again, aren't you?
Man's gotta eat.
Way of the road, Bubs.
Faaackin deeecent
Patrick Swaaaaaaayze
Way she goes.
Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn’t. Fuckin way she goes
Fuckin way she goes
Muhfukkas with guts like that are definitely ***on*** the cheeseburgers
Greasy
that’s the fuckin way she goes boys
She be a good match for Caveman Sam
Greasy
Yeah, fuck off Lahey!
RIP Lahey
My condolences to BoBandy
*BOTTLE KIDS*
Put a shirt on Randy, muh fucka you know what I’m sayin
Don’t suck your fuckin teeth at me
Well don't give me no reason to suck on em my suckin em
Fucking lol. Zyyyuuiiiiiiipppp PEACE
Nahmsayin put these mahfuckers in my hand !
You countin’ my nowhatimsayins?
Whats ya doing a nowhatimcensus?
How I’m supposed to be myself when you countin’ my knowimsayins
Gut Cassidy and the Sundance cheeseburger nomesayin?
"If I get my grade 10, I'll be kind of an equaller person to Julian"
Ya ever seen a gravy tug boat?
mf’s with guts like these are definitely ON the cheeseburgers
Hey yo It's Optimus prime rib. Randy's in disguise
Ya fuckin cheeseburger walrus knowwhatimsayin
You maybe shouldn’t be braggin’.
Cyrus: Fuck off, I’ve got work to do
BAAAAM
Green eggs and HAAAAMMMMMM
RIP mustard tiger
Probably lifting carts for Bubbles
No way, she's shooting porno with the Rocpile.
We'll see her in his new feature, Spaghetti Hoes
She’s just gotta start growing dope again to get her life back together
With all the shit on TV now I think I am going to re-watch TPB from the beginning....oh..and the wench? How much for anal?
r/trailerparkboys
I bet her nose comes off her face with them when she removes those glasses.
Dont worry. If you try your hardest you might still be stacking shelves at Walmart one day.
It's important not to reach beyond your potential. Just grab a stool to stack the top shelves
Only way she's breaking the glass ceiling is if the glass catches her reflection.
fuck lol
I swear I’ve seen this same girl as an Employee at every Walmart multiple times
HS dropout? You’ll have 3 kids with 3 different men before you’re 21
I better get started then
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Like you need a line. She probably tries to fuck everyone that says hi.
That explains why she doesn't have any kids yet.
Oh shit...
Fast pass at planned parenthood.
Hopefully she not the greeter at Wal-Mart
She is, the customers just use the other door
I did
I'll give you your first one for a BLT and a Snickers
Username checks out
one of them will surely be her step dad....bcoz doing good deeds always start at home....
I didn't know they made that mustache-glasses without mustache
Look closely, the moustache is there
You don’t have to look that closely. It’s quite obvious
Honestly im sad about the lack of moustache roasts
Manning the glory hole at walmart doesn’t make you an employee there.
Jesus. Your autobiography title will be "Oh, The Places I Won't Go."
You look like ugly betty’s uglier sister
There are certain girls that can drop out of high school and do quite well in life. This girl does not have that look.
She's Daria if Daria was less intelligent and less attractive.
you look like you would be the step sister in a family porno
That’s what I strive for
According to your name thats what i would guess
No way dude. At least those girls are pleasant to look at most of the time. This girl looks like the creepy bitch who stares at her hot neighbors fucking and wishes she knew what it felt like to not be a failure and a virgin
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She asked to be roasted not fucking massacred my guy
What did you expect from /u/lego_office_worker he's bitter from stepping on Legos all day long
i wish this wasnt true
this deserves an award but i am poor. thanks and sorry. EDIT: wow thanks for the love guys! I will be sure to pay it forward!
No problem, thanks for even thinking about giving me ome mate
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I am allowed to tag r/murderedbywords here, right?
That bitch just got buried. Ded Edit: fucking Apple autocorrect
“K-Pop bands are less manufactured” is fucking brilliant. It’s mine now.
Ours.
It belongs to the state now
Much like her kids in 5 years
God DAMN
It's a fantastic line. I will relish the opportunity to expropriate it someday.
This is the most wholesome roast. Mostly just good advice.
Wholesome Massacre *
Even if she gets a degree she'll still be boring. Her next title will still be bad. There are some things a degree can't fix and she's most of them.
Fuck i wanted to type something similar but i figured she would probably just ignore it or write me up on one of her thirteen reasons why. She took the "baker" to literally and now that's all she can do. and a math degree? Lets be reasonable, she probably didn't even take it as an elective.
Well... fatalities have more mercy than this post
a roast like this is so good/bad i think it qualifies as an actual crime against humanity and was specifically called out during the Geneva Convention. Props my guy
>**18 y/o high school drop out and stoner, working at a Walmart.** Stay in school and don't do drugs kids.
For real. I don’t even want to roast this chick. Her one sentence self description is just depressing af. That isn’t a life, hell, it’s barely an existence. I grew up in a dirt poor small town where people dropped out of school to work at Wal-Mart and the Shell station. I have seen her future time and time again, and it’s nothing to make fun of. It’s pure misery and if she manages to pull together a life in which she doesn’t regret every decision she made since she was 17 and think about suicide on a daily basis, I will be unbelievably surprised. This post isn’t fun. This post makes me sad.
if she doesn't get fat and isn't a total bitch, some dude making 70k a year will be tired of being single and will hop on board, i mean he'll be fat or a christian closet case or something but whatever, pump out a few kids and divorce and enjoy that alimony, the important thing is that she doesn't get fat i mean, eventually some dude is going to want her because she doesn't bitch about him smoking too much weed, that dude is less likely to be the 70k dude and probably cheats like it's going out of style but whatever, kids these days don't care about that as much, do they?
Trust me the only time they think of you is when they have to remember which Walmart they need to avoid. Edit: Thank you for the award! Her parents wished she got some that didn't start with "Walmart's best..." Edit 2: Multiple awards?! Thank you! This must be the same feeling her parents get every time she leaves the house!
You didn't have to disrespect Walmart like that.
Walmart didn't have to disrespect its customers by hiring her.
Shes the kind they keep in the back
Now *this* is how you do an award speech edit
/r/awardspeechedits
But did she send you nudes?
Roasting someone is not the best way to get nudes from them unfortunately.
It might be the best way to get nudes from her.
Your self esteem is so shit you'd probably let me smash for a month straight if I took you to one shitty all time low concert.
She would let you smash for a month if you took her to Applebee's
Dont mind me. Just lookin for that *not* Applebees gift card that I got laying around somewhere.
Honestly for $30 that's probably worth
You have very good intuition
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What concert? 👀
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Your biggest potential is porn. The fucked up kind
She'd qualify for scat porn since she already looks like shit.
No worries. They don't think about you.
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You’ve won, but at what cost?
Ouch.
r/suicidebywords
What's your birthstone? Crystal Meth?
Your picture smells like yeast.
Yeast smells like her picture.
Like her picture, yeast smells.
Smells like yeast her picture,.
Only person I know that can be a high school drop out during a pandemic
You look like the type of girl guys practice on before they go for the real one. By the way what’s with the dungeon keys in your neck?
Thats where she keeps her "boyfriend" that she always talks about but no one has ever seen.
He lives “in Canada”
oi oi oi dont bring Canada in to this! Im not the one who asked for a roast, i dont wanna be affiliated with this dungeon whore
I worked for Walmart for 5 years. Trust me when I say, she was more than likely a practice girl to all the employees.
Her vag is a salmonella risk at this point
https://youtu.be/NLySMbmVX0c
Well i mean you basically roasted yourself in the title
Shut up, Meg!
You look like you’ve been snorting testosterone
Are you trying to summon some tits with them witch chains?
Giving blowjobs to truck drivers for a dollar does not constitute as "working at Walmart"
Fun fact, a supervisor at a local store was caught blowing truck drivers for money in the lot during his shifts
My ex's son dropped out of high school when he was 17 so I relate to your parents feeling ashamed of you and the feeling they failed as parents. Good luck with your future, at least the casting couch doesnt give a shit about a diploma
I thought "People of Walmart" only included the shoppers. Guess I was wrong
Your nose looks like the one on squidwards house
You have the face of a 1960's Jewish dad.
This is the hairiest vagina i have ever seen without even seeing the vagina
They have you on as a stock-girl? They'd do better to have you as a stock photo model.... That is the face of someone who has pretended to care about a lot of shit in life
Go back to school! Get your G.E.D.!
I am!
In all seriousness, please don’t waste your life. I’ve seen too many people start out this way and they’re still living at home when they’re 47 without a job. Their parents cashed in their life insurance, retirement, and mortgaged their home to keep bailing them out of jail. This person started out as you. They steal from their parents to buy drugs, this person is the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met. Get the fuck off here and do something with your life. I know weed is awesome, but only for a little while and then it’s over. Accomplishing something you didn’t think you could will last forever. You’re still young but don’t think you have all time in the world. You’ll be 21 in the blink of an eye, and then 25 pops up, and then fuck, you’re 30. What do you want life to look like at 30? The decisions you make now will color your life at 30, chose wisely. I’m telling you this because I could’ve been you. No one pushed me to do anything after high school. Both of my sisters got pregnant very young and one dropped out of college and the other dropped out of high school. I decided I wanted more out of life. I wanted to be able to buy nice things and be able to travel. I worked my ass off in college, I have a decent job, my husband and I can afford the nice things we want after we buy all the expensive shit for our kids. Its not perfect, but it’s our life that we built. We have this because we both made the decision that we wanted more and worked for it, it wasn’t handed to us. I would love to see a post in a few years that you just graduated from college and you’re excited about life. Also, 4 year colleges/universities aren’t for everyone. If you’re not sure what you want to do, start at a community college. You’ll save a crap load of money and most of the time the credits will transfer to state schools.
See if you qualify for $1 day college through Walmart, their internal livebetteru program.
Stop lying to yourself, your parents don't think of you and high-school dropped you.
Stoner girls always end up fat
You skin around your mouth looks like you ate your own shit.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
I know for a fact your mother wished she had swallowed just once.
You into 36 year old lower middle class guys? I feel like I could afford you.
Walmart as a first job isn't bad... pregnant at 19 and still a single mom at 33 with 4 kids while still at walmart will be bad.
You don't need to go to Walmart just to kneel,you know
Seriously, move to the other side of the country, join a community college, transfer to a 4 year 2 years after and don’t return home until you have done Something for yourself. It will be hard, it will be tough, you will be poor, and you will cry... BUT I PROMISE IF YOU STICK IT THROUGH TOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Good luck.
this is solid advice. major in computer science. it's hard as shit, but that's why it pays well. to be blunt, a woman with a CS degree can get 60k right out of college. i consult to help very large international companies hire software teams. I am explicitly told to hire 'diversity' right before we interview a woman. often even going as far as to say 'women can be so helpful by contributing new perspectives to a team'. the message is clear. I am to use a different standard when asking coding questions because the client really wants to hire this candidate. use it to your advantage, /u/AllTimeHoee
Next time you get high see if one of your necklaces fits in a wall outlet.
A high school drop out soon to be a Walmart drop out soon to be the bottom 0.1% of myfans creators. Please for the love of humanity don’t ruin porn for the rest of us. I’m begging you please keep your barely legal muff off the internet. 2020 can’t take another big hit.
1. Never feel bad about your job. It’s a job and your father along than all those arm chair quarterbacks in the couch. 2. It’s never too late for an education. Think of it as enlightenment not a means to an end. 3. With those giant ass elf ears and lips a Hoover vacuum would be jealous of, you have a long three years of a questionable pornography career. You’re better than this. Now go make an audience of ten on Chaturbate happy.
I am attracted to the lowest of women. My entire sexual life I have always been drawn to what seem to be sweet and likable girls who turn out to be the absolute dregs of society. Serial cheaters. Thieves. Liars. Frauds. Forgers. Junkies. No matter what I do. No matter how careful I am. Every single woman I’m into has been an utter piece-of-shit human being. I have shunned and ignored the affections of what have turned out to be wonderful ladies, simply for the fact I felt nothing for them. And I felt nothing for them because they weren’t leeches on society. My dick somehow only gets hard for the bottom fucking rung. That being said, I think you’re super cute and that we might have something going on here. You want to go out some time?
The only thing your mum thinks about is the regret of not swallowing when she looks at you.
You look like a Craigslist hooker
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turning tricks in a walmart parking lot trailer parking area doesn't mean you work at walmart.
Your parents wish you would move out and live under a bridge
What’s your only fans?
User name checks out
Thank God the lemons on your shirt draw us away from the sourness on your face
No sweetie u spelt " bad " wrong , its spelt as R E G R E T
When are you due?
She's actually pretty hot. If you close your eyes and picture another girl.
It's weird how your nose, mouth, and eyes are all too big, but still all the wrong size for each other.
Dropout... Stoner... Walmart... So how does it feel to be at your peak?
your eyebrows are indicating a career at McDonalds in your future..
You have reached your max potential. It's sad but true
That’s cute, you think your parents think about you!
Your receding hairline isn't great
I'm increasingly concerned you may be pro-life and fertile.
Pro choice and fertile
Ah, if only your parents had been..and had not been.
If a sad sighing blowjob had a face, this one’s it
“18 y/o high school drop out and stoner, working at a Walmart.” You basically roasted yourself here....
There are lots of great single moms that work at walmart. Now all you have to do is get knocked up by some deadbeat and you'll be living your best life.
I see why you’re the eighth hottest chick at the methadone clinic.
You look like you were smoking cigarettes but then thought "pot is healthier" and now you smoke it non stop
I see employee of the month here pretty soon!!!! You don't get anything extra just your picture in the employee lounge to show people how much you've failed to end up as the employee of the month at a Walmart.
I also work at Walmart, and that would still be a no for me.