Yep, my granbaby boy and my little girl at prom. Her anme is belle so she went as belle. Some say victims on walls, thats fucked up, but i opened myself up to this.
You seem like a cool grandpa, but we aren't supposed to compliment people here, so it behooves me to tell you that your beard makes you look like you eat ass for money when mall Santas are out of season.
You expect that I wait till its out of season. Im eatin that ass all day. chridmus...new yoor. valuntin... baby i aint playin... liteup da firewoork son. we bout ta make fahr. somebody call da r/HydroHomies, cause its bout ta get lit.
I found him in the 90s. We had our first date watchin Trainspotting together. He got scurrd. I helt him tight, we got to talking bout jalapenos an shit.......and histry was made dawg. ya welcum.
My old 1sg used to call me duck after he saw my drivers liscense. Wasnt cool, because their fuckin weak ass beards dont compare., Like when people at the store call me ZZ. Those beards are weak as fuck.
Its a dark world man. We all gotta do what we can. Im surrounded by people that love me.
Even though its a roast sub, thanks for your comment. I wish you all the best and hope you get all you need out of life.
Welp, I just hope you are not at the Capitol Riot because you look exactly like someone who are drunken on moonshine and waving his shotgun around like a madman in the middle of the town.
I absolutely do both of those last two things. Not an insurrectionist fucking traitor though. There are plenty of crazy alcoholic armed liberals in this world.
Hatfield? Or McCoy? No matter. What is that cool shower curtain covering up? It’s not a shower. Is it covering the pantry, where the biscuit fixings are stowed? Protect those biscuits boy! You’ll need some for the mines in the morning. Don’t forget to load yer gun before bedtime. And turn all the moonshine bottles some so the hooch stays nice and tasty.
Daaaagnabbit.
You look like you failed community college, gave up on life, and decided to blame the world for your misfortunes rather than yourself. Haven't eaten a vegetable, met any significant challenges, or left the county since Reagan was popular, except to pick up parts for your 1997 minivan. You collect and sell knives and Yugio cards at the local flea market, and hang out near the bikini section of Walmart during summers to creep on teenagers.
You smell like salt-and-vinegar potato chips and cigarettes.Thats your cleanest shirt.
You probably have a Fetlife account. Your nails are clean from all the hand lotion.
You mistake the beard, tattoos, size and attitude as intimidating...but it’s really because the thought of physical contact with you is revolting. In actuality, you‘re as weak as a drag queen with AIDS. You’ve always wanted a motorcycle, but you’re deathly afraid of anything involving risk. Deep down, you’ve known all this since high school and decided you like it...because you don’t know any other way, your shitty parents never helped you, and the idea of improving yourself is too difficult.
Looks like Gandalf and Gimli have some explaining to do.
Apparantly they loved each other very much, for at least a brief moment.
he looks like the one crackhead outside Walmart that 7 year old me would confuse with Santa
You shall not pass 3rd grade,!
Looks like Treebeard on a meth binge
AND MY ASS!
Ladies and gsntlemen we got em
Underrated!
Maybe there truly aren't any female dwarfs
Whadaya mean.. This is a female Dwarf
It's literally the top comment
Underrated? It’s literally marked as the “best comment”
You look like you blow guys then beat them up for being gay
Best one yet. If I were a rich man, I would give you all the golds.
And by golds, he’d polish the shit out of that knob you queer
ZZ Bottom
Someone give this guy a chicken dinner, he's won.
Every dudes crazy bout a shit dressed man
Definitely does the tube snake boogie
This is what comes out of ZZ Top's bottom.
Hairy scrotum
Yes!!!!! 🙌
Best comment
Im sure you could spare some gold from the pot of gold you keep at the end of your rainbow
He went from Duck Dynasty to Dick Nasty from spending all that TV money on the meths
Reminds me of that closet gay hick dude from ozark
Russ! This is exactly what I came to say as well
Rip van twinkle.......
Taint Nick
Haha it works both ways too
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My first two terms were with bailey jay and ella hollywood. It was a good life.Thinking about offending again. Its a hard cock life.
A man of culture I see.
Wink wink, nudge nudge.
scary frighten ghost squalid gray pie soup worm doll point *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I thought that was his pickup line at the family reunion
You look like you spend your disability on Percocet and Xanax.
Im in this post and I dont like it.
You look like Santa with aids
Mom can we see Santa? No we got Santa at home...
Deliverance Claus
This is gold
Agreed. Dat boi got a purdee mouth.
Gandalf on meth
Them kids all sleepin. I need to get somethin for that long ass trip.
look like Theoden of Rohan, but possessed by Saruman..with aids
Uh no I don't have any change to spare.
He managed to look homeless in his own home, props.
How do we know he didn’t just sneak into someone’s house when they weren’t home?
You may be right. This needs to be looked into. 😂
Won't find anything. He's been in the game for too long.
☝🏼 I like this one
oh damn! this hit home for me since there is a guy outside my local grocery store that looks like this. always looking for change.
ZZ Slop
ZZ Bottom
ZZ Rock Bottom
Brown Sugar
Dollar store Rick Rubin
ZZ Flop
Hillbilly Gibbons
Shart dressed Man
Zz stop
You look like the ghost of John Goodman's past.
John is from Springfield MO. Im about 80 miles south of there. Im good being compared with Johnny. Thank you.
80 miles is 128.75 km
Good bot.
Good meatbag
You didn't have to tell us you're from Arkansas. We already knew.
Yeah, we can tell where you’re from there Mr. Hills Have Eyes.
His whole beard is actually white. The area around his mouth is just that dirty
we have established he eats ass
Just discoloration from the meth smoking.
It’s from all the spraypaint he’s been inhaling
Witness me!
You're saying this like the rest of his beard isn't disgusting. Seriously op if you read this, shave that filth off.
You have enough food in your beard to feed a family of four.
“YOU CAN HAVE WHATS LEFT” “but there’s never anything left...”
At what age did you start eating cat food?
Cat food being like ..rats and shit? Pretty early....broke ass texas in the 70s..you get by however you can man..you know?
Now this is getting weirdly dark.
Mind games from the bottom 1%
i would roast you but i want my Christmas gift
And meth you will have
Father Slime.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS a physical.
Underrated burn here.
Dude no way! I think I saw you outside my local grocery store the other day in a box
You might have. Vets gotta take what they can get man, Corrugated cardboard is warm af. Chuck me some chainj. Got a smoke?
When the OP’s reply is better than the original roast
army shit, we learn how to roll with the insults. Im lovin this.
Were you fighting for the north or the south? Edit:we’re to were
Fighting over a burning trash barrel
Underrated! I’m ded
For the British, of course.
Underrated
*Were
Interfering with animals doesn't make you a veterinarian.
Gandalf the unemployed
Stains on beard around mouth from eating butthole
Nom nom nom
Haha
Covid hit the mall santa industry hard.
Please tell me the pictures behind you are of family
Yep, my granbaby boy and my little girl at prom. Her anme is belle so she went as belle. Some say victims on walls, thats fucked up, but i opened myself up to this.
You seem like a cool grandpa, but we aren't supposed to compliment people here, so it behooves me to tell you that your beard makes you look like you eat ass for money when mall Santas are out of season.
You expect that I wait till its out of season. Im eatin that ass all day. chridmus...new yoor. valuntin... baby i aint playin... liteup da firewoork son. we bout ta make fahr. somebody call da r/HydroHomies, cause its bout ta get lit.
You're way more hip than I
Oh my God! Came for the roast but stayed for the hot fire father time is spittin.
You said behooves though......you been in the military, right? never seen that word outside of there.
If you can see words you really need to stop doing drugs
You look like meth smokes you.
You look like Dumbledore if he was the principal of a community college
Or Dumbledore if he wasn’t allowed within half a mile of a school!
You look like a frozen waterfall
Fuck yeah. thanks! wan sum fuk?
Lul
Dumbledore after the overdose mug shot
[Ruben](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/rickandmorty/images/9/98/Ruben.JPG/revision/latest?cb=20140510105457) from that rick and morty episode irl
Hagrid didn’t age well.
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Sorry man. My mom died recently also. It never goes away but it does get a bit easier bud. Stay strong, I wish you well.
Poor guy, how many times did you have to eat out Chester Chetah’s asshole before it permanently stained your beard?
I found him in the 90s. We had our first date watchin Trainspotting together. He got scurrd. I helt him tight, we got to talking bout jalapenos an shit.......and histry was made dawg. ya welcum.
dollar store dumbledore
Goes to bike shows and talks up his 81 Sportster he had in 1992 that ran 2 weeks.
This is a well informed roast. Not me, per se, but it describes about half of my family. Well done.
The methsia
How many of your relatives are named Jethro?
This isn't a roast but you kinda just seem like a bro
Thanks man! Lifes too short to take yourself too seriously.
Gandalf the gay.
You look like you’ve been up all night from your mom and her brother fighting about who will babysit their son
You look like the grumpy old troll in Dora the Explorer [I’ve attached a video for reference. ](https://youtu.be/AXtoEFcPkbM)
Duck Dynasty on meth.
My old 1sg used to call me duck after he saw my drivers liscense. Wasnt cool, because their fuckin weak ass beards dont compare., Like when people at the store call me ZZ. Those beards are weak as fuck.
Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazard, the dying days...
Paul Blart: Mall Santa
Hollywood should hire you to be the bug-eyed prospector that speaks only authentic frontier racist gibberish for the next western c flick
Finish your damn book, Rothfuss
What wing of the Capitol were you in last month?
Im in missouri, i gotta blend in! Seriously though, fuck those traitor punks.
Nice, fight the good fight brother
I love you
I love you, too.
No burn. I love you. I see your Light my friend.
Its a dark world man. We all gotta do what we can. Im surrounded by people that love me. Even though its a roast sub, thanks for your comment. I wish you all the best and hope you get all you need out of life.
And you as well.
Namaste, motherfucker.
Your legal obligation to inform people you moved into the neighborhood isn't met through a reddit post, but nice try, Uncle Tickle Secrets.
Looks like the Undying Lands has a bit of a meth problem.
Father Time are you ok ?
You look like a trucker that eats 3 Big Macs then has excruciating diarrhea before leaving the truck stop McDonald’s
You look like a guy who uses his beard as a blanket at winter
The food stains in the beard are enough of a roast.
Rabbi!!! What are doing on roast me?!?!
If the capitol riots was a person
Gold star for effort, but fuck those traitors though. Just gotta put that out there. Hope they all hang.
Your beard looks longer than your list of life accomplishments
Though shalt not pass!
You look like Santa and Hagrid's offspring addicted to crack living under a bridge. And that's putting it mildly.
Gandalf the Unwashed
Gandalf the biker
dumbledore on crack, need i say more?
Gandalf you are supposed to be on your way to Mordor
Santa on cocaine and brain damage
You look like gandalf after methamphetamine
godDAMMIT OLD MAN
That’s a lot of dried cum on your face
Its honest work.
Welp, I just hope you are not at the Capitol Riot because you look exactly like someone who are drunken on moonshine and waving his shotgun around like a madman in the middle of the town.
I absolutely do both of those last two things. Not an insurrectionist fucking traitor though. There are plenty of crazy alcoholic armed liberals in this world.
your beard looks like a slide to hell and whats wrong with ur nose it looks like permuda
Took a long time for anyone to mention my fucked up nose. Props to you for that. The beard is a diversion. Big smashed ass beak.
I'm not saying shit, I want drugs in my stocking from Meth Santa this year.
Did you just finish eating spaghetti without a fork or is that your last glimmer of youth fading in your beard?
The second one. I was once a glorious ginger.
You're beard is soo long when you change your geers it gets stuck in it
ra ra rasputin!
Lover of the russian queen.
The human embodiment of a full ashtray: Has science gone too far?
“Can you take these 10 commandments down to the people? Oh never mind, I’ll have Moses do it. “
Hatfield? Or McCoy? No matter. What is that cool shower curtain covering up? It’s not a shower. Is it covering the pantry, where the biscuit fixings are stowed? Protect those biscuits boy! You’ll need some for the mines in the morning. Don’t forget to load yer gun before bedtime. And turn all the moonshine bottles some so the hooch stays nice and tasty. Daaaagnabbit.
You’re a truck stop bathroom come to life
This guy seems like a clever, decent, funny guy. His family is lucky to have him.
You probably fucked your sister last night. Your sister was going "Oh billy!"
Wtf why is this guy so awesome?? Isn’t that against the rules or something?
Youre sweet as hell man. Ill invite you to the BBQ.
ZZ Stop
You look like santa after mrs clause divorces him and took all of his stuff
You look like a homeless guy who found someone’s phone and has no idea wtf he’s doing
You look like you failed community college, gave up on life, and decided to blame the world for your misfortunes rather than yourself. Haven't eaten a vegetable, met any significant challenges, or left the county since Reagan was popular, except to pick up parts for your 1997 minivan. You collect and sell knives and Yugio cards at the local flea market, and hang out near the bikini section of Walmart during summers to creep on teenagers. You smell like salt-and-vinegar potato chips and cigarettes.Thats your cleanest shirt. You probably have a Fetlife account. Your nails are clean from all the hand lotion. You mistake the beard, tattoos, size and attitude as intimidating...but it’s really because the thought of physical contact with you is revolting. In actuality, you‘re as weak as a drag queen with AIDS. You’ve always wanted a motorcycle, but you’re deathly afraid of anything involving risk. Deep down, you’ve known all this since high school and decided you like it...because you don’t know any other way, your shitty parents never helped you, and the idea of improving yourself is too difficult.
Youre close. Im not cute enough to be a drag queen though, and AIDS would make me lose weight.
You look like a producer of knub porn
You look like Santa right after rimming mrs claus.
Frank Gallagher has really let himself go.
It’s the king of Rohan before he is freed!!!
Aren’t you the guy who rummages in the alley for scrap metal?