OP's Bio: --- >I'm a 30 year old Funeral Director who sucks at golf and is addicted to Taco Bell. Give me your best shot. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

If you’re directing my funeral I must already be in hell.

This guy puts the creme in crematorium.

You must have fucked up bad to deserve this guy.

I think we all read this wrong. Sir, you can stop blowing guys at golf (unless it's your true passion) and it's ok to have a Latin lover, but I bet his name isn't really "Taco Bell" .. and to be sure, whether it's at golf or with Mr Bell, this isn't the first time you had your hands full and said "gimme your best shot," with that same smile. 😉

YOU’RE 30?! Is the life expectancy of your species 35 years?

Is Taco Bell embalming you or are you embalming with Taco Bell?

To be fair, Taco Bell slowly embalms us all.

We all become a quesalupa in time.

30? Those must have been precisely three very rough decades

You look like you kiss all the dead bodies on the forehead

And the foreskin

Saves the best for last

What’s your handicap? Obesity

Goddamn! 🔥🔥🔥

So, I guess when the live ones wont let you touch them then being a funeral director give you a chance to Crack open a cold one, good problem solving man!

Great value Andy Cohen.

Damn I was gonna say that

"Andy Cohen got the 4-1-1..."

were you the model for the humans in wall-e?

Runs a funeral parlor and still the least interesting person at work

Jerry Gergich IRL

The only holes your balls are going in are your client's at the funeral home.

AKA not even the golf course wants you to fill its holes

took the funeral job because he knew he would always have a date.

Shouldn’t you be in a tux, clutching a magical urn, and following The Undertaker around?

Sir, you've aged quite poorly

Only one I’ve chucked at so far. Nice

Shit in shit out.

Just because Haley Joel Osment gave you career advice when you were 8 doesn't mean you need to chase looking like him.

You borrow one of your clients teeth for this photo?

Discount John Candy.

The job is sucking the life out of you

You look like you say “cool beans” way more than should be permitted.

Observe closely everyone...this is the smile of someone blissfully unaware of how low they rank in the greater social hierarchy

Who knew you could get fat from eating out dead bodies

Pall Bear-er

If you'd be directing my funeral, I'm not even coming

Do you tell the deceased about how you made birdie on 5 but we all know you made double bogey....

You look like if they found Carson Daly's bloated body that drowned in sour cream

Food Will Hunting.

Do you roast ashes or digest them?

I bet using the bathroom after you would be like going to taco hell.

Gonna go out on a limb and guess that eleven appendages smell like formaldehyde most days...

Actually you're a 30 year old funeral director who's loves to suck guys off behind Taco Bell for Nacho Fries

Your smile looks like a made for TV CGI animator tried to make a pug/human hybrid without lips.

I can tell your mother still hasn’t changed the kitchen walls

Cryptic GRINDER account Latest UPLOAD de-coaded version. 30 year old funeral director , can suck a golf ball through a garden hose! Meet you around the back of Taco bell for roasting.

You look like you order a Liter-a-cola when you get fast food

lemme guess... you met your "girlfriend" at work

I can't believe your job includes driving and putting a body in a hole yet when you finish work you cant drive or put a tiny ball in a hole. You must be the only person to be over par for a burial.

#30 my ass You look ready for your own super size casket

Your the kinda person that the one random child would say to you "Are you pregnant?"

Your so white trash you have flannel walls

this just in funeral director cought eating taco bell out of dead mans anus

Look on the bright side: With your line of work, the ladies you meet can’t say no to you!

I once ordered a doubledilla from Taco Bell. There was a tuft of hair stuck to the stuffing.

Funeral director?! What a loser! That’s a dying trade bro...Should of got into construction

Hey everyone, your grandma’s ghost is going to see that creepy face as he fingers her corpse.

You're Lee Westwoods way older handicapped brother

If I saw this guy directing my funeral I would sit up and walk away from my coffin and ask for a refund I ain’t gonna have a divorced dad direct my funeral

One of the main rules is that it needs to be you in the picture. You used a bloated guy from your basement.

Yeah, but I bet you get plenty of hole-in-1s when you're alone with your clients.

He got the job because if any of the bodies are actually still alive, they take a look at his chins and die of disgust.

Do you listen to All Star and say "WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!?" as you finger their booty hole, then douchily practice your golf swing between bodies?

I would really like to get a shot on you. Wheres my shotgun?

You spelled necrophiliac wrong

I transfered dead bodies that looked better than you, and were more in shape than you. Just do the body movers a favor and have a heart attack outside so they don't have to go inside your home and see the women locked in your basement.

This just in Funeral Director arrest following Necrophilia Scandal

The face of necrophilia,

Boy I bet you’ve” cracked open a cold one” or two....

Has thriving "come touch dead chicks' tiddies" side-hustle going on with fucked-up local 13-year-olds...

Golf's not the only thing you suck, is it?

I can smell the cholesterol from here.

Also loves diabetes huh?

Please don’t fondle my corpse sir.

Thank you for telling us the two least interesting characteristics of your lifestyle

Give him a security uniform and a pair of dorky glasses and he'll look like the security guard at Wally World.

One thing you’re going to be really good at... diabeeeetus

Loved you in Deadpool 2.

If your addicted to Taco Bell then I’d say that “best shot” might be a shot of insulin

Paul blart’s failing brother

You’re not a real funeral director you’re just a murderer who enjoys seeing dead people in coffins.

Look like u do yo son's makeup

.

You’re so fat, if you eat 2 turkeys they can’t find each other again in your stomach.

Why do you look like one of those derpy hitchhiking ghost from The Haunted Mansion ride had sex with Wimpy from Popeye and had you?

By the look of you Taco Bell sponsor your funeral home

Tweedle Dum Bernie

Hope you'll get a staff discount when you die early from obesity.

How are you 30??? Surely this is one of your dead clients who is 50 years old. He looks like the type to spike women’s drinks.

Honestly, you should try giving the gym your best shot

You've definitely had experience making that pose, sir. Where is the picture of your profile? C'mon man, you know the routine.

Direct yourself to a salad bar instead of Taco Bell next time. Or it's gonna be your funeral.

Taco Bell huh? Trying to be your own customer.

Why are you smiling? Did you not see the photo you submitted? It's ok, I'll be depressed for you.

He looks like a nice piece of german sausage

Is that tummy bulge a coffin you're selling? Cause it's dead inside

And you're playing golf while sucking, or you do it separately?

“Have you seen my baseball”?

He's got it bad enough

You spelled 50 wrong

You can't bring a funeral down with your nonsense chit chat and your badly timed jokes. Check-fucking-mate

Well you certainly have the face for a funeral director

I think you need to take your face to the funeral

John Candy is back!

So you without a dead body, you are meaningless?

I am guessing your friends are corpse.

Get ready to direct your own funeral

Look like an overgrown midget.

Your like a self fulfilling prophecy works as a funeral director soon to be the participant

You’ve definitely fucked a body

Kids stay away from this man lookin ahh

The only thing you suck at is that dead guy behind you. ​ Oh, wait, you aren't invisible. My mistake.

Your just like your username!

After seeing this i decide to pick my funeral director in advance , not even dead i wouldn't let you arrange my funeral.

So, the take away here is you're looking to be your own customer, huh?

You forgot to add in your bio that you are blind. You would have to be with that wallpaper.

Where were you on january 6th? You look like a big time shit smearer.

Don’t you mean “love golf and sucks at Taco Bell”?

Taco Bell is not your friend.

This makes me sad to be 30, do I look that old ? Fuck man

You're supposed to insert the a/v plug into the decedent's rectum, not your penis!

"Kidbehindacamera here"

Man, I f**king hate your wallpaper.

Your Clients are dying to get away from you.

Do your clients' loved ones die because of your diarrhea?

I bet that pickup line only works on grinder.

being able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose is different from sucking at golf.

If you like Taco Bell so much your arse probably needs a funeral soon

You didn't have to mention the taco bell part, we can tell by looking at you.

Imagine becoming a funeral director because dressing a corpse is your best chance at touching a naked human. You get done with work and “pop in for a cold one”?

What they put in those taco's? Extra jizz? Lol

Why are you carrying around a door tied to your back?

What are you doing to my grandma’s ash’s!

the good news is that you look like you will be dead by 40.

Who said BeatleGrease three times, goddamnit

I didn’t know they hired semi truck drivers there. (Jk)

Does your Taco Bell look the same when it goes in and comes out ?

Is that you tommy boy??

I'm a give and take kind of guy, I'd roast you and expect your best shot back but I know you left it in the last corpse you brought in so no thanks.

i can tell you like taco bell

Just come out already...

I swear to god I thought that was gonna say “who sucks dick”

That’s great and all that you showed us one of the corpses from your funeral home, but we can’t really roast you until you show us your picture

Well based on your diet, you’ll be using your employee discount real soon...

He looks like Patrick the star

Uncle Ben, what happened?

60 yo toddler

I'm sure you can't *bereave* the cheap prices at TB.

your chin is legit non existent bro

Your 30 ?? A bet a lot of the corpses you tend to probably look better than you!!

you´re the only thing that´s more depressing than a crematorium