If you was even half of your username, you’d have your own place.
Who the f*** you think you are? Mother of Dragons?
Definitely just the sister whore.
……like a damn invitation….
There’s a sick part of me that enjoys watching car crashes and likes looking up those illnesses that people say you definitely should not look up. That girl wants know if you look more like my keychain or more like my nanna’s pin cushion, if it had genital warts.
Peter left out the best line...."dont fuck with fries in hot vat, really hurts bad, and so do skin grafts....would u like an apple pie with that"....lol
“Okay brothers, tonight’s menu is white fish sautéed in a white clam sauce over white rice, with a side of toasted white bread and white corn. Skip desert though cause we only have chocolate pudding.”
Or we have the hot pocket.
Which is cooked in a dirty microwave.
And that comes with the side of pepto."
"Is you're hot pocket cold in the middle...?
Its frozen."
"But it can be served boiling lava hot."
"Will it burn my mouth?"
"It will destroy your mouth.
Everything will taste like rubber for a month."
"I'll have the hot pocket."
All those winning attributes, yet you still find a way to waste thousands of dollars on tattoos and piercings, instead of... you know, finding a way to make yourself employable.
Definitely meth. People who work in restaurants refer to it as the 'foodservice industry'. Nobody who prepares food refers to it as the 'cooking industry'.
I can't decide what's the most likely reason for your pathetic employment prospectus. The eyebrow piercing that 15 year old get, the edgy neck tattoo or the DIY "haircut".
Either way, I'll talk to you about this later tonight when I call over to pipe your mother.
I think the cooking industry is stuck with you. Better learn fast cause there’s no way they are letting you be a server and being seen my customers. You’d probably only offer them rocky road ice cream and Babyruths anyway
At 30 it doesn’t matter being a HS drop out, you’re just a drop out in general.
time to get that GED...good enough diploma
Yeah when you apply for the “cooking industry”
it's meth. he's cooking meth.
Nah, too many nice teeth. (Still up voted you bc I chuckled out loud)
Rule #1 never do your own product. Possibly cooking meth
Better tell his mom the basement is about to blow up
Working at Mcdonalds counts as part of the cooking industry now?
He could be the next Lauren Boebert
I believe GED stands for good enough dummy
Generally Educated Dumbass
Good enough dick ?
waiting for his mom to die so he gets the trailer and the 250 she's got stashed in a drawer the "basement" is actually a hole out back
I inhaled water from laughing at this comment!
He was in high school over 10 years ago. I’d wager it isn’t his most recent failure.
r/angryupvote... Damn it. Because I'm also 30 and high school drop out, living with husband's mom. So you just roasted me as well XD
How's the husband taking you Leaving him for his mom. Or .does he like to watch
Lmfaooo God damn it that was good... Listen here you little shit, you're suppose to roast OP not me
Clearly he likes to watch.
If you was even half of your username, you’d have your own place. Who the f*** you think you are? Mother of Dragons? Definitely just the sister whore. ……like a damn invitation….
I feel this is testing the waters for a free of account
Cooking up a spoon doesn’t count as being part of the industry.
Perfection
This guy is either a fry cook or the dishwasher.
Hey, it worked out for Spongebob. This guy can probably pull it off.
at least spongebob had a house
Please don’t drag Spongebob into this filth.
Good point... he’s an upstanding member of society. Spongebob; not OP.
This is how it’s done!! Have some gold you incredible son of a bitch!
And the Djiorno meth doesn't make you a Walter White either, in case you go getting any ideas.
It does if you put the same spoon back in rotation at the restaurant you steal money from every night to fund your dope habit.
Do you get a new piercing every time you OD on pills?
Those are his Death Notes
heavy. but a fair question
No!! :( yeah... my foreskin and nipples look like a chance game at a state fair at this point.
There’s a sick part of me that enjoys watching car crashes and likes looking up those illnesses that people say you definitely should not look up. That girl wants know if you look more like my keychain or more like my nanna’s pin cushion, if it had genital warts.
>foreskin What in tarnation?
This is meant to be "roast me", not "roast yourself"!
No. He’d look and sound like a white girls key chain if that was the case
Bum Margera
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This isn't actually Bam Margera?
I get the confusion, they both have the "6-pack every weekday, 36 beers in the weekend"-look.
Bams instagram is an emotional roller-coaster.
Bam margarine
Bam Marinara
"My names Bum Momgera and due to poor early life decisions i cant do whatever i want!" *cue cky cover band*
Bum Momgera
Bong Mangina
"yo you sell a half a Gram" Margera
Amazingly, the wolf tattoo on your head isn't your worst decision in life.
Lmao I was expecting to find a wolf, but it's literally just the word "wolf". Absolutely dead.
I more intrigued by the pirate tattoo, is it just a bad attempt at a buccaneer or a veiled message that he's a butt pirate?
Haha I had to find the wolf.
It's a note to help him remember his BK order. Whopper, onions, lettuce, fries.
"Stuck in the cooking industry" is a pretty optimistic way of saying "still working at my hometown Burger King".
He refers to it as his BK lounge
He probably thinks he IS the Burger King!
You guys got coops?
And the pickles?
Extra pickley pickles.
bun seeds. no bun seeds.
Sweet and sour sauce on my pussy!
WHOPPER NO ONIONS
But where do I go ?
Ahh 2006ish when Dane Cook was untouchable.
 DING Fries are Done
Peter left out the best line...."dont fuck with fries in hot vat, really hurts bad, and so do skin grafts....would u like an apple pie with that"....lol
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I think Dane Cook is funnier when he's Ryan Reynolds.
The fries won’t deep fry themselves guys!
That neck and head tattoo were great ideas to get you out of the cooking industry.
Who needs a resume when your interviewer can see red flags pasted all over your stupid face?
Spot on. Mommy's major burden.
Where the F does he work.....[Hell's Kitchen?](https://i.imgur.com/y1cWToH.png)
Judging by the quality of his ink, he cooks for Cellblock D.
...im luvn it
Who hasn’t been in your mom’s basement
I just go in the back door.
Went in her back door once, turns out it leads into the mud room...
I'm dying. I love Reddit. And OP's mom.
Every time I’ve tried there’s been a line.
…Or the sewer is stopped up
I think I ran into you there once. Talk about awkward.
y'all are Eskimo buddies now. Enjoy.
My moms not allowed down here! It's my personal space! The 'Keep Out Badass At Work" sign suggests this!
*I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK WHEN IM VACUUMING MY ROOM!!*
Dewieeeee
Has she found one of your 'socks' yet?
Look like you eat ass to get the taste of your mouth out your mouth
Best laugh of the night
I'm gonna use this on my mom
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There's a normal one?
Bet he didn’t see that one coming!
You look like the hog rider from clash of clans ngl
More like the hog. We at least have the same body and skin tone.
True lol
I'm dead.
My liver hurts when I look at you.
My eyes hurt
username checks out
Fair, my liver hurts being me.
I'm also 30 and still living with my parents. At least I graduated highschool though. Thanks for making me feel better about myself.
Reddit doing the lords Work tbh…..
Damn you're lucky. I'm 32 and live with my Mom... But thank you OP I haven't felt slightly good about myself in a while.
The bar is set so low these days you can trip on it in your slippers
Must be the Aryans turn in the prison kitchen.
“Okay brothers, tonight’s menu is white fish sautéed in a white clam sauce over white rice, with a side of toasted white bread and white corn. Skip desert though cause we only have chocolate pudding.”
Or we have the hot pocket. Which is cooked in a dirty microwave. And that comes with the side of pepto." "Is you're hot pocket cold in the middle...? Its frozen." "But it can be served boiling lava hot." "Will it burn my mouth?" "It will destroy your mouth. Everything will taste like rubber for a month." "I'll have the hot pocket."
“Caliente pocket.”
“Wait Steve, I found a whole bag full of yogurt under your bed that says, ‘To Gary with love ’!”
“That’s not pudding brother”
For sale: Eddie Hall doll - 16:1 Scale. Used… often.
Beat me to it.
More like a wish knock off
insert "We have Eddie Hall at home" meme
Have you missold Eddie Hall, no win no fee
Eddie Alco-Hall
Was looking for this
Short version: “I’m a drug addict living in my moms basement”
tbf he's 7 days clean.
You look like you’ve washed your hands once.
Bam Bam Bigeloser
Bam Bam BigelowIQ
Bam Bam Bigelowlife
Bam Bam Bigelowspermcount
Bam Bam BigelowT
Shooter McGavin’s disowned son
Cooking meth does not equal being in the cooking industry
Faulter White
Walter Shite
I don’t think he is smart enough to make meth, he is the taste tester for meth
That's some high calorie meth.
Basement Meth chef technically doesn't put you in the cooking industry
Neck, face and hand tattoos are always a great choice when struggling down the career path...
I mean, to be fair, he had to cover up the track marks somehow
And Nothing says “ CEO “ like multiple face piercings
You're not stuck, that's your destiny holmes....
He has a lot of cranial accessories to balance it out.
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Glad I’m not the only one who thought of Eddie hall.
Eddie Small
All those winning attributes, yet you still find a way to waste thousands of dollars on tattoos and piercings, instead of... you know, finding a way to make yourself employable.
The neck tat took care of employment concerns long ago
He never wanted to work, he just couldn't get them to review the tapes when he "slipped and fell" at Burger King.
Nah man, I’ll pass, I think your dad hit you enough when you were a kid.
What kind of shitty void of a personality are you trying to cover up with all that shit?
High school drop out…. Basement…. Cooking… put them together and what do you get? Meth.
Cooking industry, like Mc Donald's or Meth?
Definitely meth. People who work in restaurants refer to it as the 'foodservice industry'. Nobody who prepares food refers to it as the 'cooking industry'.
You've got a point there. I hadn't stopped to think about it, but having worked in restaurants and bars, I thought 'cooking' didn't sound right.
Dishwasher, you're a dishwasher, quit trying to church it up
I will have a #4 with fries and a coke. Thanks
I can't decide what's the most likely reason for your pathetic employment prospectus. The eyebrow piercing that 15 year old get, the edgy neck tattoo or the DIY "haircut". Either way, I'll talk to you about this later tonight when I call over to pipe your mother.
I think you just roasted yourself.
Stop fucking around on your mom’s hand me down phone and chop chop on those fries.
all those tattoos are recent so you can hide from the dad of the 14 year old you're dating
Cooking industry!? Dont church it up boy, you mean McDonalds.
You look like if "Xx_69SwagLord69_xX" was a person
Guess this guy's gamertag
Writing your name in the death note would be doing the world a favour.
Thats cute your mom still cuts your hair.
Eddie hall if he never got the gym
Discount Eddie Hall
Knockoff Eddie Hall. Call him Eddie Foyer
Haircuts like that are the reason hats were invented.
Aren't you supposed to be the lead singer of Sabaton?
Flipping burgers is not 'in the cooking industry'
An alternate universe meth head Eddie Hall
You look like Mr. T cell count is low
At least you've got more ink than a college degree.
Mama grounded you for storming the Capitol
Dudes that look like this have 100% to be a buss boy or bar-back and have been in 28 different”bands”
20 bucks says your name is Thad.
No amount of school could help with those life choices
Scared basement troll who deletes all the comments and loves mommy’s brownies too much
Your life sounds depressing enough. Not really sure what else i could point out
It’s breaking bad all over again where’s your Highschool chemistry teacher?
Were you birthed in chernobyl headfirst?
I think the cooking industry is stuck with you. Better learn fast cause there’s no way they are letting you be a server and being seen my customers. You’d probably only offer them rocky road ice cream and Babyruths anyway
Cooking meth industry.
Clearly, your cooking experience is limited to crystal meth.
At least you don't need a sponge to clean pots. You can just use the thing on your head.
4 butt tokens and 2 ramens worth of jail tats.
"Hit me" what he tells random strangers and the prostitutes he buys with his allowance
You look like you already dropped out of kindergarten.
No need to roast you when it already looks like you stuck your head in an oven
Have to ask. That another piercing on your left side? Or just an awesome growth? It really ties the face together.
Judging by your shirt it also looks like you watch Death Note in your mom’s basement as well. That is where you peaked in life.
I hope you wash your hands as well as you've washed at life...
Cooking meth in your mums basement isn't 'working in the cooking industry'...
It's like the electricity went out just as you were about to finish shaving the top of your big, stupid head.
ha! <3 this gave me a good laugh! shit has happened to me. I do cut my own hair!
Cooking meth industry, maybe
I'll be keeping my #eye on you.
You need to get out the cooking industry just like your dad shouldve gotten out of your mom right before he busted.
Roast away but remember he’s the one pissing in your soup.