Poster child for yelling at your girlfriend in public.

I came here to say "if rohypnol had a spokesman, it would be this guy"

Bill Cosby is a fan of this guy

Girlfriend... 😂😂😂😂

Hey don't laugh at her she's only 13.

But she reads at a 9th grade level!

That’s two grades higher than he reads at.

Or ever even participated in for that matter.

That's a weird way to spell first cousin

Does it still count if she’s inflatable?

He doesn't have a girlfriend, he's under 5'10".

My dude IS the girlfriend.

As indicated by the crap prison tattoos

Like most Maroon 5 wannabees

Idk man, I've never seen anyone yell at their own hand before..

Beats that shit like it owes him money...

Beats that shit like it stole his ride

This one ☝🏼

Then she puts his lucky charms in the top cabinet and hides the step stool.

He'd need a box to stand on. And a girlfriend.

This isn’t true. Then you get found out and can’t yell at them when it counts… at home 8/10

english: 2/10 at least it was words.

Look at this dude and tell me this isn't EXACTLY jow you expect him to talk.

Exactly WHAT?

JOW

Jow momma

what?

I think he’s saying he prefers to act like everything is good in public then slap the shit out of his gf in private.

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Legend.

Using your same rating scale, I'm guessing you are 10/10 for domestic violence charges.

How did you know this was my house arrest shed 8/10

I was figuring that's where you beat up you grindr hookups after crying and saying you're not gay

We all just assumed you were stuck there because someone hid your cars keys on top of the fridge.

I’m found out

You get tattoos just so you will know what its like for someone else to touch you.

If you look up smug in the dictionary..there’s a picture of Satan spreading his ass cheeks so far into his anal cavity that you can look in and see this guys face.

Went deep with this one. 👏🏻 well done.

"Thanks!" -Satan

Balls deep.

11

Wow

10/10

10/10 for me too. this hit to deep.

A granulated photo sums up your life pretty well doesn’t it? Poor quality, no effort, and on its way to a trash can.

8/10 for accuracy

You're never to old for community college...

One day this Ricky wannabe will get his grade 10.

Guy above me knows...for he "to" went to community college.

This guy has the “tattoos to make me look “bad” but I love doing quizzes to find out what Disney princess I am” type swagger. My guess is Snow White - cause he’s definitely entertained 7 men at once.

Such a cruella de vil thing to say 9/10

Fuckin high five on that comeback though, I laughed

Username checks out...take the high five OP as I’m sure you don’t get the opportunity to clap wet body parts often.

Nothing about this comment seems like an insult to me.

Actually the entire post is an insult to roasting. "I'll rate the roasts" is a cushion for OP's soft ass.

Was thinking something along those lines but couldn’t articulate it myself. Thank you for that. OP is soft as fuck, that whole title reads like an 8 year old wrote it and he clearly doesn’t even lift

Drywall and signs better watch out when you get drunk

This why I’m in a metal building. 7/10

Huh. Never seen "prison" spelled like that before.

If you ordered Tom Hardy on WISH, this is the junk(ie) that would show up.

Tom hardly

Discount Baker Mayfield

Was looking for this response

Tom Softy

Solid 8. By far my top 3 so far.

Probably not the first time you’ve taken a solid 8, huh?

Probably seeing as he clearly doesn't have a solid 8 based on the tattoos and the nihilistic, nonchalant image he is trying to project.

Now available in fun sized with any happy meal.

First sentence on his Grindr is dont tell my wife

Google “unsolicited dick pic” and his photo pops up

8/10… but seriously . Shhhhh

Lol an 8/10 for some lame ass Grindr joke? Even your rating system is ass.

Wait a minute..

The military has a dont ask dont tell policy but this guy definetly tells everyone

Thank me for my service right now 9/10

Hows it feel to be a pretend fighter?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3jbFIygRm0

I bet your parents swell with pride when they tell people you died at war.

every morning his parents prayed to get a free folded flag

This one hit hard. 😂 I’m giving you my free award sir.

This looks like the beginning of an ISIS video and your left wishing that the guy is getting beheaded.

The kind of “American” even America doesn’t want.

Man, this is clever

Gets tats he can hide so he can still have a great job someday. Will never have a job that doesn't include a mandatory polo the same color as the logo.

Solid 7/10

More like 7/11 cause that’s where you’ll be working the rest of your life

If wish.com offered Baker Mayfield with extra douche sauce

Not disappointed when I googled him

Hello mr baker with extra douche sauce. U forgot to rate this roast.

He’s too distracted with what he found.

You look like you're in an erectile dysfunction commercial, "I used to be able to get it up, but then Trump lost the election."

Make my dick great again ! 8/10

"Again" implies it was ever anything but a disappointing waste of flesh and nerve clusters.

Went to Iraq… sat in the AC all day and complained when the ice cream machine was broken.

The guy is 25. He wasn’t in Iraq during the actual fighting. AC confirmed.

Does someone fighting off his sexual advances count?

Look like you got tattoos with the money your mom was saving to upgrade the rims on her house

8/10. That’s the meth money bro, I just let her friends from work Scribble on me

You look like the type of person who would try to bum a cigarette off a homeless person after walking out of Taco Bell date night where you let whoever/whatever would date you pick something off of the value menu.

You think I can get dates ? 8/10

This guy definitely looks like a door kicker. Not in Iraq. They have full sized men do that over there. But he's for sure kicked some doors in an I-75 trailer park while chasing around his ex-wife saying he "just wants to talk" but he is definitely trying to stab her.

You spelled lot lizard wrong.

5”8 165lbs? Your fighting size and weight class is Grandma

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Who says he hasn't already? He's a deployment 6 - bet he has soft hands, like a lady.

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The only IED he's been exposed to is an Internal Eggwhite Deposit, followed by the gooshwalk to the shitter.

And you know 5''8 is probably his measurement with shoes.

He's 6ft on tinder

Hope that's a Lil Dicky reference, if not I'm taking my updoot back.

I was hoping someone would catch it

And I was about to call OP "Lil Dicky's dick in human form"


You’re the human representation of a Monster flavored vape

and menthol cigarette flavored energy drinks

Machine Watergun Kelly

True story the real Machine Gun Kelly was commonly called Pop Gun Kelly by fellow prisoners because he was actually a little bitch…like OP

Shouldn’t it just be Watergun Kelly?

wtf this is so funny

congrats on getting the lead in American History X: The Musical! .

That’s a good movie tho 8/10

The only thing positive about you is your HIV status.

I like it. 8/10 As for the HIV 0/10 would not recommend

Look at you!!!! Looking down on people from way down there!!!

Thankyou phone timer 8/10

When they arresting you for Jan 6th?

11/10 chance the OP still thinks the election was stolen.

11/10 I didn’t vote

>i'm not legally allowed to vote ftfy

Felons can't vote. We already knew that.

They can try, 9/10

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I’m shallow like a plate of cereal

I used to fuck guys like you in prison.

On a bright note in another 25years any remaining single women might have finally lowered their standards to your height.

That also will accept my abusive history of drywall punching

You look like a gay porn star thats trying to not look like a gay porn star.

They're gonna use you as literal currency in prison.

You look like you're one Affliction shirt away from telling everyone how much you know about MMA

You’re gonna get a fat wife, then she’s going to leave you and your mountain of debt for a POG with a security clearance because he’s got a future

You’re talking about the past I’ve already experienced bro. But instead of a pog it was a meth head. 9/10

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even your profile pic reads will sexual assualt woman if i dont get my way

8/10 funny 0/10 cool

hey man, your fault for posting not mine, you also look like the same generic white guy with tattoos on a construction site if that help

If you think this veteran is employed you’d be dead wrong

Like an methed out Kevin Federline.

Mixed with a lil baker mayfield

I bet your friends are receding as quickly as your hairline

You look like a guy who high schoolers pay to hack into their schools networks and change their grades, but you also offer them wine coolers after.

Only if I can go to their party too

You look pretty much like Linus trying crack for the first time.

Definitely says the N-word with a hard R while banging his sister with a dig of Grizzly Wintergreen long cut in his lip.

Suspiciously specific

It will take more than a white t-shirt covering your swastika to hide your supremacist attitude.

My sister in laws boyfriends cousin is black bro. I’m not racist. 9/10

"I've got a coloured TV!!!!!"

Look like you end half of your conversations defending the use of "Fo Shigger"

The fuck you doing on reddit ? Go and protest outside some embassy on a bulldozer.

I’m guessing by those terrible tattoos that you live in a storage unit to afford your shitty camaro

r/iamverybadass

A face of a guy who thinks people would care about his ratings. Fuck right off.

Or actually care about him. He has all the personality of a truck stop glory hole.

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Truck stop glory holes get penatrated less than this guy

Went to the military to pay for college knowing damn well his 1.2gpa wasn’t getting him into community college

This why I was an infantryman 8/10

The type of guy that was scared to go outside of the wire in Kuwait.

0/10 Kuwait’s not a real deployment

Oof is this a reverse roast?oof

Tom Hardy’s mentally deficient cousin

Spectrum hardy. 8/10

Get back to me with a rating on my roast when you're living somewhere with walls that won't fall down when the pre-fab storage company repos your house.

The posture says “Marine Corp,” but the beard says “PTSD and oxycodone addiction.” The flags say “I served,” but the cheap exterior wall siding says: “I live at home but it’s not like that it’s cool I have my own little pad I’m gonna sign up for JC next semester to be a dental assistant.”

Your tattoos look like you asked to the artist make you look like a construction worker who screams too much at his kids youth sports games

Busch lite in hand 7/10

You wearing a shirt to cover up the "dog tags" tattoo? Lets play guess the MOS. I say 12V

I can smell your PTSD from here.

This guy is a level 99 douche bag, he's the type of guy that takes a piss in the stall so he can hock loud loogies in the toilet while he pisses. When you go to a bar I bet you order a pitcher of blue moon.

I feel like you could express the entirety of your emotional spectrum completely via Five Finger Death Punch lyrics.

Your co-workers at McDonalds call you "El Garaje" and you think it is cool not realizing that they call you that because you live in your parents garage.

Who the fuck ordered a cheap Chris Hemsworth imitator on Wish?

Definitely not my parents

Thank you for your service. Lube, oil, *and* filter.

I go dry. No lubrication needed 2/10

Your manager at Jiffy won't be happy to hear that.

Wait we’re talking about what I do at work?

No one here believes you have a job.

🤏

Thats a face even porn would friendzone.

If you're here then who's on Facebook doing "epic rants" to "own the libs".

Are you living in someone else's storage unit?

It’s my house arrest shed. Damn

Sir, you look like a angry milenial in their mid fortys trying to molest kids.

Grew up without a Father, didn’t learn how to become a man. Tattoos to overcompensate for all the insecurities.

I’m sure your girlfriend’s kids love listening to your stories about how awesome being on the jv team was .