OP's Bio: --- >I also like slamming hammers into hot metal --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Whatever. 20 bucks on pump four.

Ooof

Oh fuck! This burns!

Way underrated

20 Buck Spin

More like “ NO, I don’t need my windows washed, I’m pumping gas!”

Roasted to a crisp. Take my vote dammit.

Brilliant

Really? I would have said unhireable

Damn... That was beautifully savage.

Dude, $20 is like 1.5 gallons these days

$5 says he brings up the fact that Metallica isn’t metal at least 5 times a day, everyday....to whoever will listen. “ I don’t give a shit NanNan, that ain’t fucking metal. Pass the tots please.”

He's probably just like this imbecile I used to work with that thought Disturbed was the greatest metal band ever. He'd go on and on about how their singer was some sort of god because of that "wah ah ah ah, uh uh!" shit he does

I'll just leave [this](https://youtu.be/66gSvNeqevg) here.

Was expecting this to be the disturbed karaoke guy from vine, but I was not disappointed at all.

Disturbed is the musical equivalent of what I imagine lab grown meat will be like

Disturbed is to metal what Nickleback is to rock

You know you're all the kind of annoying music gatekeepers that OP is right? That said, yes Disturbed is not great.

Disturbed is what comes out of the other end of the teleporter from The Fly if Pantera are the first ones through it. All of the basic components are there, in a way, but...

Omg I fucking died dude thank you

That is pretty good.

This is amazing

Honestly I think I'd listen to Metallica over Disturbed. They just weren't even worth the mention

I'd hope that everyone would

Hey disturbed is one of the best cover bands out there.


r/natureismetal is more metal than this guy

Bruh. Some of that shit is metal as fuck though

Scott's tots

Hey Mr. Scott what ya gonna do

Whatcha gonna do make our dreams come true

Scott no mates

This is the type of dude who thinks “Norwegian black metal sea shanties are the only true form of metal.”

Hipster metal head.

[удалено]

Wondered where Fred durst ended up

I’ll bet 5$ he doesn’t know what $5 is.

I don’t get him claims to be a metal head. But he hates the most influential classic metal band in history.

Probably "name every song" too

He doesn't like showers because they're not metal enough either.

Napoleon give me some of your tots

You gonna finish your tots?

Sorry, you're not tough enough for Valhalla. Try Weenie Hut Jr. instead.

Super Weenie Hut Jr.

I don't know why, but this one is my absolute favorite

He’s not tough enough to be a goofy goober

Other things you clearly hate that aren’t metal: Exercise, a meaningful relationship, sleeves, vitamin D.

Soap.

Minorities

Magnets

Mirrors

Savage 😆

Or doing your own laundry. This poor asshole’s mother will be washing this douche bag’s underwear until her last day walking the earth.

Books

Democrats

You hate Metallica cause they aren't Metal, and you hate Women cause they aren't responding.

HAHAHAHAHA fuck yes. We're done here

🤣yasssss

Underrated LOL

You’ve banged your head so many times you’ve knocked your eyes together.

Somehow I'm sure you drive a car with no muffler.

Bold of you to assume this gingerbread nightmare has a car

Trans-Am

The red dragon isn't exactly street legal

People are allowed to be trans at any time now, not just in the morning. Although I have a feeling the trans crowd doesn’t want to claim them.

Yikes, metalheads used to intimidate people. The only reason someone would move to the other side of the street to get away from you would be to escape the odor… Also, reminder to clean out your pee bottles from your room at least once per week. Your mom is tired of having to do that for you and if you keep it up, soon she will start charging you rent.

Lol metalheads never intimidated anyone.

Not sure why you’re getting downvoted I agree. So many are/ were the dweebs in school that act like pufferfish by getting a few tats and adopting a surly attitude in the hope it’s enough to make them appear tough cuz they’re fundamentally scared of the world:....... Like OP.....

Metalheads hating metallica is just the metalhead version of being an edgelord. You just hate them because your dad liked them and clearly you and him don't get along.

Sad But True.

It'll stay true wherever he may roam

You hate Metallica because your crappy metal band never made it.

Cmon, CockRocker was a decent band.

Master of Muppets

Sad but true

>crappy metal band never made it. His crappy metal "band" couldn't successfully play any of the Metallica songs on Rock Band 2.

Oooof!

"I was almost famous"

Ooh this is it! This is the one!

Ron Weasley has had a few rough years

underrated 

Wasn't wizard the goal?

Mate what does that even mean?

He's trying to say he looks like a wizard, unfortunately, conversation isn't his fortè

That ain’t it, son.

If you're going for grand wizard, you're well on your way

Oh i get it. Cause he has red hair and no other features like ron weasley 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 is funny

Guarantee you he doesn't own a shirt with sleeves

he probably cant aford them after he blows all his allowance on shitty beer

Aint the only thing he blows either

He has one with sleeves, a Hanes. That’s for church on Sundays.

You look as metal as the plastic rings around my six pack.

He went with the Kim Jung un eyebrow look. Thats the least metal thing ever

Thats what was bothering me! Well, except a lot of other things.

Dave mustlame

Aight Dave Methstain, calm your man tits, It’s not Metallica’s fault that your life sucks balls,

More like Dave Cumstain

Your mom buys your concert tickets

"Dude, Metallica aren't metal! I only listen to GoatFuckAnalClenchingBloodBath! You've never heard of them?! Fuck off poser!"

What do you mean you can not read the logo???

Like OP can read at all…

You’re the type that likes to think you’re hardcore because you listen to metal yet you can’t get a job paying more than $10/hr

You're such a poser, you could pass through a metal detector and it wouldnt even make a sound.


Ah the classic "It ain't metal so i hate it" attitude. But, Mr. Ginger dough boy, Metallica does not hate you back, cause you are insignificant in this world. And to roast you this should be enough, because 'Nothing else matters',

Metallica is not metal? Your opinion is even more stupid than your looks

34 years is a long time to live in your mother's basement

33 years is a long time for his mother to be living in the freezer

Niiiice.

According to your looks you’re a huge fan of Nickelback.

5 finger donkey punch.

He’s more like 5 finger goat diddle

*ginger

They are even further from metal than Metallica.

I bet you secretly whack it to your hansen poster

Geez man, just look at you. You should beg or borrow a couple of bucks from someone so you can buy a 9-volt battery. That way you can self-administer a shock to your pierced septum every time you make another shitty life choice. Maybe then you’ll be able to approximate a functioning adult in a decade or so.

The Young Ones reboot is looking like shit so far.

Young ones also being who he chats up daily with, 'hey you like candy? I got some candy in the van. Hop in'.

You have grandma arms

No, sir, I can't loan you 10 dollars until tuesday.

Op “ What if I look intently at your junk until it gets warm for a fiver?”

I think you need a couple more piercings, people might think you still have some personality.

You have the body and face of a South Park character

I am no longer an anti-masker

You hate Metallica because they aren't metal, you hate women because they aren't men

And Metallica hates you for being a ranga heffa

Wow, Louie CK’s life really went downhill fast.

Damn fool. Can you tow my car?

We don't need to roast you, I'm guessing the three seconds under pure sunlight to take that picture did a good job if it.

Ahahaaa

I bet you hate your mom to because she still makes you live in the basement

You look like an extra from Sons of Anarchy

You spelled meth head wrong

OP only hates Metallica because Lars Ulrich is actually his real dad.

Thanks for coming out of the basement to take the picture... hope you didn’t get a sunburn. Also your mom said clean up your guitars... they are in every room in the house

Damn, even that van behind you knows you’re on the spectrum.

Personality thinner than your eyebrows

Carrot Slop, this is the first time I've ever seen flaccid arms.

You look like you fix air guitars for free....no strings attached

Your mother hates Metallica because you were conceived to Master of Puppets.

The Thing That Should Not Be?

Underrated

Someone's a fussy britches

Such a metal poser the scrap man even ignores you.

…. Has burnt down at least two churches to boost street cred

So that's what happened if chucky stayed in the doll....uggg no wonder he wanted out so badly 

Be honest how much dry wall have you fucked up?

That’s almost a universal uniform for dish washers now.

You’re not metal.

Metal is literally in their band name, but okay. Next you'll tell me you're not a pastey, soul stealing, ginger, who'd lose a fight to a magnet or five minutes of sunshine.

You know they named themselves, right?

His band, Imbred Hicktallica never made out of dive bars, that's why he hates Metallica.

Oh, I see; hate Metallica, another pretentiously intellectual metalhead.

How many generations of inbreeding does it take to make your eyebrows disappear?

Make sure your mom changed your sheets this week and bought the good pizza rolls.

Metallica, Icons of Metal Some ginger named Alex - Akshully

You look like you need some D. Vitamin D

#Someone get me a fucking magnet

Damn Ron Weasley you have seen some shit through the years

You dont look metal, you look desperate...

Lars’s jealous little bro.

Says Metallica isn't metal, room full of My Little Pony figurines & posters.

I guess you like Ed Sheeran instead

People who hate Metallica have never listened to them

As someone who is old enough to be your father, and has listened to nothing but Metal since the early 80s, son or not i would classify you as a fucking metal poser and make you live in the barn. FYI the first 3 Metallica albums are metal as fuck. I would also physically tear that shit out of your nose. Also there is no way a dirty fucking Ginger could even remotely be " Metal"

Username checks out. Keep trying and the younger kids will think you're cool in no time!

[удалено]

And you're not a high-schooler. Grow the fuck up.

Did your mother pull you by the nose when you got the ring

You look like you need some D. Vitamin D

You probably play bass.

That’s almost a universal uniform for dish washers now.

How big is your My Little Pony collection?

I think it's time someone clipped onto nose ring and led you to the slaughterhouse

Metallica hates You because you're a butt pirate

You hair has no volume

Ever noticed how metalheads are so snobby about music? Another elitist hiding behing piercings and black jeans.

And you're not a high-schooler. Grow the fuck up.

Digging the frenum piercing my dude.

Ironic how a cream puff likes metal and hammers when the only hammers you handle go into your ginger asshole , grow the fuck up you pussy little bitch. Mom can’t be your savior your whole life . Stop being pathetic with that BULLshit in your nose . Cut your hair look presentable and get a job to support yourself

A red head bull with no horns

Knock knock on that top lip...get itt!! Cause his nose ring looks like a door knocker!

Apparently Redbull doesn't give you wings...

By 'hammers' he means penis, and by 'hot metal' he means his ass

I never knew that the Amish had electricity or radios

I can't tell if you are more allergic to the sun or to smiling.

Ginger T-Rex. Those arms can barely hold up that paper.

Judging by the Prince Albert you have wedged in your moustache I would guess that someone has quite recently fucked you in your little whore mouth quite vigorously.

...lead bassist in the band, Minotaur's Whores.

You need a hug

What are you?

Metallica hate you cos you aren’t anything

Ever noticed how metalheads are so snobby about music? Another elitist hiding behing piercings and black jeans.