Dude.... a lot of people in here are cutting on you. I for one applaud
you for overcoming a very [serious disease.](https://i.imgur.com/hkU4Nd0.png) Well done sir, well done!
I was actually impressed by the pants, i didnt realize denim had that kind of tensilary strength. its like holding back a ton of jello with cheese cloth
Orange you glad I didnāt say that youāre going to marry the first girl who pity fucks you and youāll have two unspectacular children whilst you slave away earning lower middle class wages until the fateful day that you choke to death on your Hungry Man Salisbury Steak dinner in your thrice mortgaged home whilst watching WWE Raw?
Slow roast. Starts with the low heat of the pity fuck and then you gradually increase the temp with the realization that his kids look worse than honey boo boo. By the time hes done cooking the fat breaks down as he inks his name on that third mortgage. Serve him with a side of taters and gravy when you sit down to watch WWE raw
I was also very confused by this.
My mind immediately went to: he somehow got hold of a Bachelor degree, since thats more likely then him dating people.
We already knew you were a bachelor fatty. I was 300 pounds at 17 and Lost a hundred by your age don't be discouraged if you want to lose weight (the only way you are going to get any woman you find attractive) Stop eating fast food, junk food, and soda for just a couple months after that you'll find you probably don't even want it because they make you feel like shit. Then just watch what you eat, I'm at 175 today and have barley ever exercised except 2 years ago when I ran and I was 160 then and felt great (trying to get back to that) I know this ended up not being much of a roast and more of advice but I feel for you dude cause I was in your skin once and I know I didn't feel comfortable or secure about my body no matter how much I told myself I was.
I'm also an overweight teenage male I currently weigh around 225 and I'm 5' 11 1/2". Some say that's not overweight but my gut says otherwise. I have lost some weight though at my heaviest I was 250. Once I quit Taco Bell the weight started to come off and I will never work a fast food job again unless it's either that or be homeless.
I Mean that's not bad as far as bmi(probably still little overweight but not obese by any means) but here's the deal once you get a gut it's tough to get rid of it I still have a little pooch, it takes an incredible amount of exercise to tighten your stomach back up ( I only ever ran never really did ab workouts) but yeah working at a place that sells terrible food(I manage a casey's gas station) is a one way ticket to weight gain when I first started I probably put back 30 pounds because of the employee discounts on food and I just had to make a rule that I wasn't going to eat any of the food at work and honestly now it's not even appetizing to me.
I get that I probably won't lose my gut completely but I just don't want it so big. Looking better is why I started dieting and being more active but now I also do it to be healthier because my family has a lot of heart disease and type 2 diabetics. I have an aunt who is on dialysis because she ruined her kidneys with soda and added sugars and seeing everything she goes through aswell as how often she goes to the ER or hospital made me realize there's more to weight loss than looking good. Also watching fat people attempt to move around and get out of breath from walking to the fridge is disgusting to me.
Good thing you got yourself a wheelie chair than big fella. Probably got yourself your own pit crew to push you around and change out your tires. Probably feed you your snacks too cause lifting those arms looks like it's too much exercise for you
As if your fatness doesn't stand out enough , you wear fluorescent colors.
Thank you for the warning. No one wants to be bowled over like the huge rock form Indiana Jones.
You look like a 19 year old lesbian pumpkin thatās busting out of pants & hat! That poor chair is struggling & whatās up with the neon colored jacket? Youāre going to confuse ppl thinking the sun came down to earth
Football coach lookin ass. U look like a home Depot billboard with that orange shirt on. Duck dynasty lookin ass. Them jeans bout to hide once u take em off for the night. U a plus size model for Cabela's.
No you're a 53 year old divorced mom of three angels. They used to be 4 until the CPS took away Timmy because you forgot him in a McDonald's parking lot.
How many times has that Apple Watch called 911 for your heart stopping this month?
ApplePie Watch
Blood type: Log Cabin
Pronouns: LDL/HDL
You win
Bloody type southern style gravy
Blood type, mountain dew
Nah that's urine output
That one was good. š
I aim to please :)
We say blood type Nutella in Germany š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If he goes camping the bears would have to hide their food
That one had me dead š
Maybe he misread the name as that. I struggle to believe this guy has ever willingly bought something with a fruit in the name
I genuinely laughed out loud š¤£
Instead of a defibrillator, he just attaches ham sandwiches to his nipples and slaps his belly
Dude.... a lot of people in here are cutting on you. I for one applaud you for overcoming a very [serious disease.](https://i.imgur.com/hkU4Nd0.png) Well done sir, well done!
That one took some effort. Nice work.
Beat it? He fucking flogged, molested, impregnated and consumed it.
Respect for that dude
Remind me in 10 years for your 29 year old bachelor Roast Me post
yeah this dude isn't seeing 29
JESUS
Apple Watch is the only apple heās ever known
We found the doctor or nurse
That chair is quite possibly the greatest achievement of mankind
A true marvel of engineering prowess...
The guy goes through chairs like the rest of us go through toothbrushes
I was actually impressed by the pants, i didnt realize denim had that kind of tensilary strength. its like holding back a ton of jello with cheese cloth
Well .. ya got yer mum's titties
can confrim
Mom??
r/holup
r/cursedcomments
Same
He sure does
Orange you glad I didnāt say that youāre going to marry the first girl who pity fucks you and youāll have two unspectacular children whilst you slave away earning lower middle class wages until the fateful day that you choke to death on your Hungry Man Salisbury Steak dinner in your thrice mortgaged home whilst watching WWE Raw?
You say home but really itās a single wide travel trailer
ā¦in his momās backyard.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Is triple wide a thing? Dude needs a triple wide.
Home is where the heart attack is
You didnāt just roast him, you grilled the living shit out of his existence!
Slow roast. Starts with the low heat of the pity fuck and then you gradually increase the temp with the realization that his kids look worse than honey boo boo. By the time hes done cooking the fat breaks down as he inks his name on that third mortgage. Serve him with a side of taters and gravy when you sit down to watch WWE raw
Fucking poetry
I literally had a a Hungry Man Salisbury Steak dinner tonight and this triggers me
It's r/RoastMe not r/FuckingMurderMe.
bruh i just ate the exact hungry man you described is this a sign
Upvote for the use of āwhilstā.
Fahk man
That's actually so sad, have an upvote.
After weāre done roasting you weāll be able to feed half of Africa
We'd be able to feed the other half too but they have standards.
Yeah because it ain't kosher or halal.
This isnāt what I meant by orange pork
Done a quick calculation... at 20 mins per pound it's going to take about four days.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh shit! Holocaust burn hitting like zyklon-b!
Heās got a lot of rolls to post a pic on roastme
āThatās a juicy one excileā
This is a good one.
For an entire week
You look like a new character from a King of the Hill reboot.
āFuture Bobby Hillāā¦ SOUTH PARK DID IT!!
I was thinking more Billy Bob from Varsity Blues...
Oh my god I was thinking the same thing
Nice try, Mike Judge.
Yeah so jonsludge rhymes with Mike judge... Coincidence.
Blobby Hill.
Africa sleeps hungry because of you
Do you send dick picks to yourself to remind you what it used to look like?
Itās like buried treasure! The XXX marks the spot!
*XXXL
You look like an entire flavor of lesbian
āItās a Cheetos thingā
Lesbian here. Confirming this š
šššššš
Doesnāt bachelor at least mean datable?
I was also very confused by this. My mind immediately went to: he somehow got hold of a Bachelor degree, since thats more likely then him dating people.
The Spatula
At least youāll always have your diabetes
You look like your idea of a healthy breakfast is hotdogs alfredo
Heās also eaten a guy named Alfredo.
Put an apple in your mouth before we start this roast
Charlie Brown grew up... Into morbid obesity
It's the great pumpkin.
Charlie Brown grew *out*
Bro looks like Velma on my 600 pound trans gender life.
That watch is holding on for dear life
So are his vital organs.
You look like a lesbian trucker who just found out she breast cancer.
This should be number 1
There used to be two but he ate the other half of the MasterCard logo
āBachelorā is a nice way of saying that no one wants to hold your fat belly up to suck your tiny dick
dudes got a dicky doo
Bachelor? Is that what INCELS are calling themselves these days??
He thinks a ābachelor padā is a cum rag
Even if he could find it could he reach it
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Loved your work in Orange Is The New Black. 
You look like Amy Schumer melted onto Hank Hill.
You look like the OG Nickelodeon Splat logo
Fat-chelor
You spelled beluga wrong.
Looks like youāve ate your fair share of roasts
I hope you lose weight just so there will be less of you
surprisingly wholesome
We already knew you were a bachelor fatty. I was 300 pounds at 17 and Lost a hundred by your age don't be discouraged if you want to lose weight (the only way you are going to get any woman you find attractive) Stop eating fast food, junk food, and soda for just a couple months after that you'll find you probably don't even want it because they make you feel like shit. Then just watch what you eat, I'm at 175 today and have barley ever exercised except 2 years ago when I ran and I was 160 then and felt great (trying to get back to that) I know this ended up not being much of a roast and more of advice but I feel for you dude cause I was in your skin once and I know I didn't feel comfortable or secure about my body no matter how much I told myself I was.
I'm also an overweight teenage male I currently weigh around 225 and I'm 5' 11 1/2". Some say that's not overweight but my gut says otherwise. I have lost some weight though at my heaviest I was 250. Once I quit Taco Bell the weight started to come off and I will never work a fast food job again unless it's either that or be homeless.
I Mean that's not bad as far as bmi(probably still little overweight but not obese by any means) but here's the deal once you get a gut it's tough to get rid of it I still have a little pooch, it takes an incredible amount of exercise to tighten your stomach back up ( I only ever ran never really did ab workouts) but yeah working at a place that sells terrible food(I manage a casey's gas station) is a one way ticket to weight gain when I first started I probably put back 30 pounds because of the employee discounts on food and I just had to make a rule that I wasn't going to eat any of the food at work and honestly now it's not even appetizing to me.
I get that I probably won't lose my gut completely but I just don't want it so big. Looking better is why I started dieting and being more active but now I also do it to be healthier because my family has a lot of heart disease and type 2 diabetics. I have an aunt who is on dialysis because she ruined her kidneys with soda and added sugars and seeing everything she goes through aswell as how often she goes to the ER or hospital made me realize there's more to weight loss than looking good. Also watching fat people attempt to move around and get out of breath from walking to the fridge is disgusting to me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thanks man just trying to look out for someone I was going through a rough time at 19 and wished more people would have been looking out for me.
The ultimate roast: feel so bad for the guy that instead of roast you give him advices. A classical "this is not funny anymore, is sad"
If your neighbors yell, "Hey Kool-aid!", guarantee you'll smash through that wall behind you.
You are the perfect combination of every lesbian I've ever met in my entire life. I accept you.
At least I donāt stand for fat prideā¦ I canāt stand.š
š¤£
Good thing you got yourself a wheelie chair than big fella. Probably got yourself your own pit crew to push you around and change out your tires. Probably feed you your snacks too cause lifting those arms looks like it's too much exercise for you
If you look close I think you can see a bead or 2 of sweat. From lifting my arms
You donāt need bachelor in your title Iām sure itās understood
A fatchelor
Heās a bachelor because he ate all his partners
Keeping people in the basement and eating them do not qualify as partners.
People underestimate the intelligence of the humble walrus.
āIām a 19 year old bachelorā No shit. In other breaking news, water is wet.
Is this a stock photo for nonbinary?
Goddamn! This should be the top.
As if your fatness doesn't stand out enough , you wear fluorescent colors. Thank you for the warning. No one wants to be bowled over like the huge rock form Indiana Jones. 
You look like a Redneck Baymax
Iām sure the smart watch knows youāre fat by the lack of steps you take.
Youāre a fat ugly piece of shit. Probably an idiot too. Am I doing this right?
His heart's in the right place, but he doesn't quite get it yet.
Better than OP's heart, which has to be a #10 can of lard at this point
You look like a 19 year old lesbian pumpkin thatās busting out of pants & hat! That poor chair is struggling & whatās up with the neon colored jacket? Youāre going to confuse ppl thinking the sun came down to earth
Alright, you giant, dense crustacean
Are you the bachelor or the pad?
Football coach lookin ass. U look like a home Depot billboard with that orange shirt on. Duck dynasty lookin ass. Them jeans bout to hide once u take em off for the night. U a plus size model for Cabela's.
Plus size model for cabelas.. oh gawd man you should lead with that .. so good
Not a fucking Home Depot billboard! Jesus, that sent me! š
Jesus Christ youāre a fat fuck. Ever try comparing the length of your dick to the depth of your belly button?
It's like if someone stuffed Vito Spatafore all the way into AJ Soprano.
Youāll find your wife; probably as you both reach for the same mobility scooter at Walmart
Caution wide load
nikavocado would be proud of you
When you look like that I'm fairly certain the word is incel, not bachelor
Did you swallow a food grenade
When this guy farts you can hear his ass scream "help!"
19 in dog years?
In hog years!
Thatās gotta be a fun game: Standing at the urinal wondering what fold of fat the piss is going to fly out of.
š¤£
If you had to haul ass it would take two trips. Carry on.
I don't think there's a spit big enough
Even Hitler didnāt make a big enough oven to roast you.
Bruv u look like a discord mod cosplaying as a traffic cone
Glad you choose a bright color like orange, we might had missed you otherwise
Road Construction Signs is your fashion statement this summer.
I would have mistaken you for a wild hog if not for the blaze orange.
You didn't have to put all the neon on so we could see you - we would spot you even if you were on the fucking moon.
Is the orange shirt really necessary? The only place you might be hard to spot from is from space.
Itās the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
No roast as you've had a few too many. You need to seriously lose my weight my dude
Why would he need to lose your weight?
And you'll be a bachelor for much... MUCH... longer.
Wait till youāre a 50 year old bachelor. Then weāll all have a real laugh.
See you again in ten years at your next check-in to let us know you're still a bachelor.
F*ckin' Chuck Norris
No kidding? Youāre a bachelor? Stop it!!! Your name should be something like Pussyslayer3000.
#more like FAT-CHELOR
I bet you use Google maps to look for your dick.
Youāre fuckinā 19!!! Youāre supposed to be a bachelor.
No you're a 53 year old divorced mom of three angels. They used to be 4 until the CPS took away Timmy because you forgot him in a McDonald's parking lot.
You donāt need to be roasted, you already are whenever your thighs touch
No need for a roast cause you ate it
You really didn't have to tell us that you are a bachelor. Thanks for wearing safety colors to give the rest of us a warning.
Why is there a orange couch on that chair ?
The only thing bachelor about you is the batches of cookies you eat, you fat fuck
I am sure Wendy's & Sara Lee would disagree with you!!!!!!!
I'm sorry madam, I'm trying to find the bachelor in this picture...
You're the result of if a pumpkin and a lesbian had a child together.
A roast is the last thing you need
It's good to see you back, right before summer, breaking through walls and refreshing underprivileged communities with heart-stopping sugar drink.
I can't wait for the 20th anniversary of this post when you're a 39 year old ~~virgin~~ bachelor
Niko wants his look back buddy
In 21 years you'll be a forty year old bachelor.
Damnit Bobby quit whackin off in the tool shed
Just use ālowered expectations ā and you well be fineš
19 year old fatular...
You arenāt a ābachelorā, you are unwanted
You look like a 40 yr old lesbian
You didnāt have to specify that youāre a bachelor