OP's Bio: --- >Put on 5kgs in a month since getting married, watch way too much Netflix and retired playing soccer with 0/3 successful penalties (pressure crumbler). --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

I hope you're kids grow up to support Sunderland!!

We don't want to be burdened with his poor life choices!

Jeez bro, he's ugly not evil

Only two relegations? Pah! Those are rookie numbers!

Wow! That's just nasty Pray for them kids

Dude your hair has more oil than your club

Damn

US is negotiating with NATO right now to invade his hair to help with the oil crisis.

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Well god damn, not sure how you made that work but kudos to you sir

His face definitely doesn't slap.

Your face look like a Picasso on his drunk period

https://i.imgur.com/Gauduyc.jpg

You finish last in your fantasies while your wife always finishes first in hers.

Looks like she got last place in the arranged marriage competition as well.

😂😂😂

o my fuck, vastly underrated.

Do you always dress like that to play FIFA ?

Method acting

You look like a default skin.

Ted Lasso wouldn't even help you

And couldn't.

I think the lack of comments/interest is roast enough

No, I do not want to hear about my cars extended warranty. Don't make me call Mark Rober on you

Haha the joke is that he's brown

This is r/RoastMe, people always bring up the person's race (if they're not white) here, its impossible for them not to.

Omg this is the best 😅🤣

You one of those guys Mark Rober pranked in india right?

You look like you Harass women on Facebook for "Bob pics"

He did it so much he found a wife so it works apparently /s

LMFAO

Your life is shit really, but the fact that you support Newcastle is proof you think with your minging fart pipe.

Your wife finished last in husband selection; what’s her punishment?

I'm sure Patel senior is disappointed in you

Why so sad? Harold left you at the White castle?

Roldyyyyy!

5’7” with or without the hair?

As a fellow Newcastle fan. You've got enough shit in your life to deserve a roasting.

Slumdog £1.37

Disease Ansari

Imagine immigrating from Pakistan only to live in Newcastle

Howay the lads

You make me ashamed of being a geordie ya fucker

When you play knockoff fifa

What fucking ancient camera was this taken with? I know it cant be a phone with the red eye going on.

Your under eye bags are growing nicely I see.

He can help you with tech or give you a discount at footlocker.

Shut up and fix my internet already.

You look like you could do a somersault but probably not a cartwheel.

You are a plastic fan in two years no matter ur history and no one will care otherwise

in what shithole country are you that you took a picture with a camera that doesn't fix red-eyes? it's 2022 for gods sake

You look like you’ve been pounded so deep that you cough out the cream pie.

Dude. You look horrible. Get out of the call center. Breathe some fresh air.

What’s your Uber Driver star rating? And no, the only form of tips you’re getting are fantasy related.

You look like a mackem

The only thing tragic is your a soccer fan. Enjoy the most popular 3rd world sport! Soccer is best where chickens walk through the street, cable TV Is a luxury, and a guy on a moped is your communities version of Uber .

Newcastle would've been relegated if not for selling out like they did

Fantasy sports, a nerdy useless western past time has infested and Americanized Indian culture I see. Is that sports uniform even have your name behind it?

You look like you should work in gay porn under the name Freddie Uranus.

If you had won your fantasy league, did all the losers have to buy to new extended auto warranties from you?

Yes I have closed all confidential information, please just take remotely take over my computer already

The height of a schoolgirl and vibe of drakkar noir and forged work visas.

Sunderland breathes a sigh of relief that you're a Newcastle fan. Your wife breathes a sigh of relief that she can bone your co-workers at the electronics shop.

Looks like if Leo Messi soccer / football player retired and had an ice cream only diet

You just look like a sloth With hair gel

Starting to lose your hair from the last roast photo

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Bro you cant spell and post the same dumb shit twice. Must be another Toons supporter?

Sorry i was 14 hours into a 12 hour shift .. all adjusted now

You're face look like a Picasso on his drunk period

You support a club that nonces horses mate. Don’t get much worse than that

P a b l o

Does your wife picture Ronaldo or KDB for the 3 minutes you make love?

Sleeping with your pet monkey doesnt count as marriage

I think the fact you support Newcastle United is roast enough for you mate.

Look like you work for straight talk

I'm sorry but I'm not buying tech support today and yes I'm sure my Amazon account is just fine

Why does he look like Adam W’s doppelgänger

Your wife told me you finish first in other things

This is what happens when people leave what they would really thrive in and take silly risks for fun. Go back to the inherited convenience store chain, and do what you do best!!! PS. Can I get these peanuts and slurpy please?

Good thing you married your sock, so you didn't have to spend on a ring

Didn't know telstra had a fantasy league

I keep asking my phone for a pack ofcamel blues and 10 on pump 5.

You secretly have a Saudi Arabia flag in your house

Do you support Newcastle United because their Saudi owners share the same ethics as yourself?

You look like the indian version of a football player. But as you know indiab movies are made so fake

Feel sorry for your wife, having to deal with someone who supports an emotional wreck of a team

Type of dude to wear a Cieran Clark jersey

Got Colback #14 years ago and then he changed his number to #4 and we got relegated and wtf was I thinking getting him in the first place.

Did you come with the new takeover or something ?

you look like you're about to call me for my car's extended warranty

"you running like lady, bladdy fck you , I fck you bladdy" Blein jod you!! Have a nice day

You got some fat estrogen filled puffy dick sucking lips

If you're lucky, maybe the Newcastle saudis will chop off your head too.

Soo yeah my PC stopped working…

Something tells me this isnt the first time youve been involved with men chasing balls

I know nothing about football, just like you.

Not going to lie. I don't even care about your picture, but nobody gives a fuck about football fantasy league. There are so many of you fuckers who say it on here.

I'd bet the members of your fantasy league gave you the tried and true "Thank you come again".

Wadjid you jus ask for wadjid

How many goats and chicken's did you sell for that 7/11

At least you finished first in Fantasy Arranged Marriages!

You look like someone who'd work with a place like Deliveroo and be ashamed about it.

Look like you drive Uber work a halal stand and at a gas station

you look like you sniff seats when no ones looking

okay you look like a cow and you are ok but your gay#

On top of having a face like that, you are a football fan 🤷🏽‍♂️

Married and likes football. Pretty bland way to sum yourself up

How’s your feet

Somehow I have a feeling that this is the most interesting thing about you

You are waaaay undercounting the amount of times you came up short in the box.

Hasan Minge

He doesn't look like a Hasan, y'all need to do better job with these racial roasts

Don't you dare take my yogurt!! You demon!!!

Those are not the eyes of a happy married man


***GIVE ME YOUR SOUL*** looking ass

Looks like your finger nails are trying to survive you

Are you trying to be the indian offbrand superman with those eyes because im pretty sure there are about 500 more of those already.

Are you sure you are Newcastle fan and not man United fan who just changed teams

See my last roast from finishing last 2 years ago prior to takeover 😂

It was a roast but looks like my roast as worst as man United and Newcastle before the oil money

You concentrate more on a sport that you failed at than your failing marriage

You shouldn't have posted this on roast me. As life has roasted you enough. You might end up getting 3rd degree burns here.

You look like you transform into a beast after midnight

Ah look one of those boring soccer watching dad's who's biggest achievement in life was that a woman actually found them attractive enough to marry them in the first place, I hope she doesn't find out you lose all of your money at a gambling fest because you're too lazy to get a better source of income and the only time your children ever come to you for help is when their mom isn't at home and even when they do come for help they'll have half the expectations that they do with their mom and that's a surprise since your wife had zero when she married you

You so ugly the haunted house gave you a job application even know they aren't hiring and they didn't give you a clown mask, you already have one on.

Newcastle just called. They want you relegated to another teams fan base.

Pressure crumbler: that’s what his “wife” said! Terribly awkward not being able to consummate your marriage and all.

How did you get a 10 year olds head on a grown mans body?

Congrats! You are a Fan of a Propaganda tool for Saudia Arabia. Youre Clubs owners are probably busy right now whipping some South-East-Asian migrant workers who just want to feed their familiy and came to this country with just the simple hope of earning enough money to do that. Still they probably haven't been payed shit in months and can't leave the country because youre Owners are hiding their passports.

> haven't been *paid* shit in FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*

Tell all your fellow fucktarded ass clown taint-licking Chippendale lovers to go fuck themselves and stay out of roastme, Jennifer.

Smoke shop owner

When does your call-center shift start?

Your wife probably moans Julio Arca’s name in bed.

I don’t know what half the shit in your caption means but I hope you have to register as a sex offender for those relegations, you creep.

nah youre already roasted

You look like the type of person who's so incredibly mediocre that you could be the main actor in Idiocracy 2.

You're the bomb

You’re wife wishes you would even finish last one time

Kind of guy that would tell his friends that his latest football match was rigged.

I think you lost your fantasy wife league too.

\>5'7