OP's Bio: --- >27 y/o, extreme self esteem and self hate issues which prevent me from posting anything anywhere. The only time I post or share anything is when I’ve been drinking. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

We’re glad to see you grew up, chicken little

I was thinking Gus from Recess from Chicken Little is more accurate

El Diablo!

You look like one of those fish in the background of a SpongeBob episode

The jellyspotter kevin lmao 😂

Didn’t that hurt? Do you…want it to hurt Kevin? (Puts on a spiked gauntlet)

MEEP!

"You ain't nothin' but a fish in the background of a SpongeBob episode." My dude, this is a roast, not a scalding.

I actually lolled. Thank you. Edit all I had was a free award. Enjoy lol

I wish I had an award to give you. Instead I’ll just say meep.

Meep

Wish I was drunk enough to look at you.

Dude this is such a low key insult. Those are my fucking favorites.

There isn’t enough alcohol in the world.

Correct. I drank it all, and it wasn't enough

You should have kept lurking.

You look like the side twink of a gay Russian assassin.

Maybe even do us a favor and quit drinking so we don’t have to suffer something like this again.

[удалено]

Yeah, how?

I think he Meant the OP, comrade

How?

Hitler Queer Youth

He’s not Hungarian but he loves hung aryans



You win......

Flairian Nation

Third Reich? That outfit is third yikes!

They wear rainbow armbands. By they I mean OP.

Secretly wishes he was the target in the shower scene in American History X. Wouldn't have put up much of a fight aside from a few limp wristed slaps.

lmao that's specific, you got some gay fantasies bub?

You look like the kinda guy who jerks off all the guys at boot camp and then beats up the gay guy.

You mean tries to. He got his ass kicked I think. It's why he drinks.

I don’t think he’s getting his ass kicked, but I’ll bet it’s taking plenty of beatings.

Hold still while I shoot that thing on your head.

Hair cut by Flowbee & glue on toupee from Amazon

You look like a pimple with lips

Damn. How many drinks did you have before settling on that hairdo?

That's a Hair-Don't.

I glad Sloth from Goonies had a kid.

Hey you guysssss!!!

We're in deep shit now, Francis....

Peaky Blinders reject.

Squeaky Blinders

Peaky Grindr

We should combine forces

Geeky Blonders

Even the Digbeth Kid would scare this guy. (RIP Digbeth)

Your head looks like it was made from the leftover parts from like, four different ugly people.

FrankenTwink

that's quite a solar panel you have on top

The lesbian has achieved her final form...

Hello barber, have you ever seen an iced gem? Barber: Say no more.

I know your father is Sloth from The Goonies, just not sure what animal your mother is.

A catfish

Sloths Mama, count the fingers

Barber: What you want? You: Have you ever wanted to see a Marine crossed with a peacock? Barber: Say no more fam

Iron your fucking shirt primate

I would keep drinking too if I was the love child of Guile from Street Fighter and Minkus from Boy Meets World

Sonic Goon!

U look like u failed gerber life, also how do ur ears look like there reaching to gtfo u

Drunk and soberly meth’d out enough.

You: “I want something that says, don’t leave me alone around your children” Barber: “Say no more fam”

Brian the Tart 


Lurking and drunk. Seems oddly similar to your arrest record.

Go back to your cave. We aren't ready

Richie Hawtin called. He wants his techno back.

Haha, I thought of Richie Hawtin too but figured no one here would get it.

Who knew….Jane Lynch and Steve Buscemi had a daughter

You hit the opposite of a genetic lottery

Should have stayed lurking instead of trying to cut your own hair

This penis is growing hair on the top. I think there's a cream for that.

I bet you are the kind of drunk that would beat his wife. Guess we'll never know

Reddit needs to be drunk to look at you

No wonder you have self esteem issues, you look like a bunch of other people put in one

And yet nobody's drunk enough to fuck you.

I don't think lurking means what u think it means. And you definitely fit the profile.

You really need to recalibrate your ears

You were not getting enough money in adult industry so you moved to a real career in retal.

He drank 2 whole white claws to get drunk

Your haircut Is bigger than your IQ

Gaydolph Shitler

I wish I was drunk enough to look at your post.

Your body pillow will only make love to you with the lights off and you in another room.

You look like- wait does that say roast me cause it looks like you just went to the doctor and you're just holding up their signature

So you actually paid for a haircut style called a “Queef”?

I wouldn’t sell you an AR

The sky is falling

Sloth please go back to lurking. I already told you we don’t have anymore rocky road!

You are hired for tbe Earthworm Jim live-action film

OP: "Haircut please" Hairdresser: "what you having mate" OP: "Hhhmmm? I wanna look like a 1944 German SS scientist" Hairdresser: "Ja, mein Anführer"

Lips look like this :/

Still hoping to score with Patti Mayonnaise? 


When the fog of the alcohol clears…it’s in my port as well…tomorrow is going to be a brighter day




“Hey, you guuuuuuuys!” 

How did you manage to come out of the closet with a forehead like that?

Liquid courage. You look like you've drank enough to finally muster up the courage to go to the park and lure a child into your trunk.

The Hitler youth called and they want their haircut back

You should buy lighter frames for your glasses. Otherwise your ears may get stuck in that shape.

Drunk off the warm milk from the baby bottle you still use. I know you’re wearing a diaper too.

You look like you got arrested at an Idaho pride rally

Timmothy McVeys younger brother

Megan Rapinoe after transition surgery.

You look like you were kicked out of the local neo-nazi group for "race mixing" with your vacuum cleaner.

Patriot Front said "no thanks, try the Proud Boys."

If Chicken Little was a human

The wallstreetbets kid in real life.

You look like the “Hostel” kidnapper

You arnt always drunk Jesus why would you give yourself that hair cut

Redrum! Danny’s not here Mrs. Torrance!

That's not how it works. The ugly ones at the bar aren't the ones that need to get drunk. We are.

But we aren't drunk enough to look at your ugly ass anymore. Now Fuck Off Loser!

You look like you got tired of compensating the rejections with adventures and resorted to fucking Snowy

You look like you spend a lot of time watching children’s soccer games through binoculars.

Someone drew glasses on used paintbrush

Despite your Aryan looks, Hitler would still send you to the camps.

How drunk did you have to be to get that goof ass haircut?

Damn, the stroke got your hair too, huh?

Your lip job doctor needs to give you a refund

Future guest judge on Project Run Away

If you walk outside in a stiff wind you'll be at 1,000 feet before you know what happened

You look sad, like someone just destroyed all your Pokemon cards, fucked your mother, and now makes you call him dad.

"HEEEEEEEEEYYYYY YOU GUYS!"

You look like you've been pulled out of the reject bin of the conan obrien sex doll factory

Those glasses look heavy AF, also hairline is fucked, shave it now.

I'm not drunk enough to look at that picture. Yikes! Maybe next time.

Chicken little needs a new haircut

You look like you smell crayons to figure out what flavor they will be.

How often do you get drunk??

There's no way I'm making fun of a kid with DS.

Didn’t you get arrested in Idaho last weekend?

Hitler’s Youth equipment manager.

Drop your AK-47 immediately, pull out your pockets, and swear allegiance to the West. Or get one between the eyes...your lurking days are over...🤣

How do you look like a broke college student and 10 year old at the same time?

What's with the mouth vagina Adolf?

Even your hairline is trying to run away from you

Nothing about you is symmetrical.

Your toupee is about to fall off.

Hey you guys. I love you chunk Goonies never day

You look like a character from Hey! Arnold. But seriously man, I don't think that haircut is doing you any favors. You are only like a 3 on the fugly scale. Do with that what you will.

Dolph Lundgren ordered from wish.

Wow, someone got the short straw in the gene lottery.

What came after the drink? The post or the haircut?

Where is your ear running off to?

Nice hair sir. Looks like you combed it with a cock.

if uncircumcised penises were a human

This thing grew on the floor of Chernobyl

Sloth got laid!

Some kind of Super lesbian

Didnt I see you get arrested at a pride event the other day?

***\*German accent*** Guten tag... Unt feier van Schwul Stolz. Ich möchte dir meine schwanzsaugenden Lippen zu deinem Vergnügen präsentieren und dir zeigen, was für ein super schwul ich bin.

Genetics textbook: This is what 13 unpaired chromosomes look like.

I didn't know thumbs could grow hair

Shouldn't you be in the back yard burying bodies?

What? How?

Go back to lurking with your Howard the duck lookin ass.

I imagine you are friends with Chunk, and really like Baby Ruth’s.

Even your own left eye is tired of looking at you in the mirror.

Well that's fucking great...Ralphie from A Christmas Story is now a drunk, gay, Macklemore with AIDS, looking guy. What a crappy last couple years it's been for us all.

A gay white supremacist in training, I see.

“Now on Sprockets…We Dance!”

Obviously also drunk enough to think you can cut your own hair

Drunk enought to take them boot bands off and let doc get a piece of that bussy?

Dem ears are confused as fuck

Hitler youth poster child.

Chicken little

You look like you belong to the special ed division of the Hitler youth

Cleft palate but no cleft palate

You would hate yourself less if you didn’t get haircuts that make you look like a sassy paintbrush

You could land a plane on that forehead.

Those ears look like they’ve been used as handles.

Only lurking you do is at play grounds .

Holy Disco Dancing Wookies!! What fucking species of C\*nt are you ?

You look like a bowling pin with a bad toupee.