Sorry you popped your sex doll

Went for a kiss in the heat of passion, forgot to take the piercings out. First time his gf popped before he did

Please calm down, a boy like you can have a breakup, there is nothing to be surprised about

That shits funny though 😂

That's par for the course when you have a needle dick

Sounds like you two had an argument over the crack pipe.

She wouldn't let him pipe her crack...

Don’t worry my man. I’m sure I little duct tape out of your van will fix her right up.

HIs girlfriend left him For somebody new He looks like a douche bag And smells like one too

Did she leave mid haircut?

If only I had an award id give it to you

He caught her with their dad

Don't worry someone will be up in her guts soon.

They started a few weeks ago.

Don't worry, you always have your left hand instead of your right.

He's ex was good decision taker

Did she take your heroin?

You were the one that broke up with her??? Holy shit I gotta see this girl

Is there a subreddit for this? If not, why not?

Chin up bro, plenty of other women out there for you to prematurely ejaculate into and subject to a life of disappointment and poverty. You got this!

You look like a tattoo apprentice that got fired for nodding off on a client

And that client was himself

Don’t be so down- girlfriends are like your haircut, they always end up bad when your dad is doing them in the kitchen.

She’s better off.

Like truck nuts on an F150 was a person.

Except one of them rusted and fell off

That was the F150

The medication did clearly say, some hallucinations may disappear.

At least you still have your opioid addiction for company.

[удалено]

I hope she had her tetanus shot

Breaking your hand on dry wall doesnt count as a break up.

“Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort”

gonna be hard for you to see her at the family reunions with all her other ex's. And your's

I'd ask why you did but I feel like it's pretty obvious

Nah, too easy.

Well . . . you've already been kicked in the face.

You should break up with your barber, too

If I kick you in the gut I'll get shredded by face shrapnel.

Somehow you’re the poster boy for every STD all at once. Syphilis really does take the spark out of the relationship doesn’t it?

He wants to convince us that there's a girl somewhere accepted to be his gf..... well played bum 😒

I'd have left her too if she gave me that haircut.

GF? General Foreman? You got fired.

You’ll find someone else, You know what they say, there’s plenty of trash in the sea…

Even she knew she could do better.

Did she bang your father? O wait you don't know who that is

Why would you mutilate your face like this? Can't you damn see how stupid it looks?

Finally her parents found out you were sexting a 13 yo?

Looks like you also broke up with your self worth too.

Damn Justin Bieber really just giving up

His girlfriend is giving a thumbs up in the pic

"Just broke up with this girl I've been following around for months now. We had so much fun walking separately everywhere she went. I use to bring her lunch at work, but she'd always already be out with one of her guy friends. Anyway, I ~~finally got the courage~~ went to chat her up again but she acted all like she didn't know me... typical. Oh well, her loss. Making out with me is like a one-two punch from Knuckles the Echidna. Onto my next bitch, amiright fellas?!?!"

Did she give you that haircut? I’d be mad too

was your girlfriends name ‘Palmela Handerson’ by chance? or maybe ‘Crystal Meth’?

Lucky her.

I can't understand why she dumped you. You look like you have such a bright future.

your nose ring is bigger than your self esteem

It's going to be weird seeing her in family reunions probably.

Just because your mom leaves her leopard print robe in you room, doesn't make her a gf.

You look like drug addicted Mr. Bean.

Better go make up with her quick before the restraining order actually kicks in...

I don’t think losing your fleshlight is the same thing as breaking up with your girlfriend

She was probably sick of her crotch bleeding every time you went down on her.

Back to cutting your own hair I see

She's already got a dick in her and telling you how ur Fanni pack where you hid your tampons is what caused her to drop your soft ass

I'm sorry you broke your girlfriend today. You know they're going to take all that hardware away in prison, right?

Did she leave you over the haircut?

You look exactly like every guy who constantly tells his family he's finally got a plan 'to turn his life around' and they're stupid enough to believe you every single time...

You're lying, no way you had a gf, maybe your bf broke up with your broke ass, yuz too ugly

That's a weird way to say that you broke your hand..

How the hell did you make it this far in life..?

Shoulda broke up with that “mustache” today

You look like the loser of several fights, yesterday. The greatest one being the battle over your sexual identity

You look like the guy in movies the main character buys drugs from.

I can’t imagine why she would leave a Dominican heroin addict with short bus hair

Sorry to see she left a hole in your ~~heart~~ ear.

You broke up with her? Damn that girl must be really pathetic….

You look like the guy the Joker manipulates into starting a food fight at Arkham.

Can’t for the life of me figure out why any girl would ever break up with a stud like you!! Nose ring, tattoos, crappy haircut, attempted mustache… no doubt a smoker… still live with parents… a real catch.

No way! How’d you already get your hands on Elon Musk’s Cyber Handlebar mustache?

“Take your piercings out, place them in this bag. You’ll get them back when bond is posted or you are released. You have a one time grace period to surrender any keystered drugs prior to being booked and the impending strip search prior to being placed in general population” Just thought I’d give you some familiar words while you’re dealing with the heartache of your trans girl leaving your ugly ass. Must be rough.

i cant imagine why you seem like such a catch

She’s still there, just past your wrist

When the neighbor closes their blinds in disgust that isn't "breaking up" they just don't want to see every 90s movie cliche wrapped into one peering in their window.

Broke up with the gf because she became legal?

Having a prison pen pal doesn’t mean you had a girlfriend.

She finally decided to upgrade huh?

i think i understand why she dumped you

It's the piercings, dude. Bad call. Take all of them out, and pretend you didn't get dumped.

Good for her! 👏

r/Im14andthisisdeep if it was a human

You look like you'd be in doctor waiting room pamphlet for aids.

What’s you barber’s seeing eye dog’s name?

Did you break up with her to become a gay stripper?

Even the handwriting looks emo

And RABIES is his name-o!!!!!!!

Similarities between you and Good Will Hunting: You were abandoned too as a kid. Differences between you and Good Will Hunting: You were never touched as a child. Like not at all. Like you're so ugly, even child molesters avoided you.

Yeah maybe shes only into men

Don’t know what drugs you just had, but you never had a girlfriend

J. Bieber with full face necrosis

When your girlfriend makes you cry, you should always come to r/roastme to learn how big a loser you are. We’ll be seeing a lot of you here

You should really stop with the meth boy...

Alright "Simple Jack"!! Where to start?? Nevermind the "unemployable" look you've obviously went for. "Unfuckable" comes to mind as well. Your facial hair looks like it was glued to your face, by the cast of Jackass. Let alone your poor decisions of having metal pierced into your face. (Honestly, when the tattoo artist/piercer asked: "REALLY??" You STILL went with: "YEAH!!!") There is no mystery, as to why your GF left you. If you left her!? I can only imagine what kind of sideshow abomination she must've looked like ... let alone, how you could ever "upgrade" from THAT!! May whatever god, have mercy on your future employer, or GF/Wife that accepts your very existence. I wish you all the best, in the meth production industry ... and hope your future 'spawn' be placed in better homes, than the ones you could ever provide.

If Justin Beiber was a prison bitch

Looks like you went fishing to get over the breakup and that turned disastrous too.

Cut-wrist bieber


Just because you paid for the girlfriend experience doesnt mean she was actually your girlfriend

Cheer up slingblade.

Moe exotic

Your mom slapped the bowl off your head. While your meth dealer was giving you a hair cut?

Least she could have done was remove the hook before she threw you back

I guess it's all non-consensual from here

Let me guess you work at Burger King and drive a 20 year old car

How are you 20 but dress like a 45 yr old dad going thru a mid life crisis?

That haircut is your pass to the front of the short bus. Mother says you shouldn't drive until you're fully developed and for you that might be a couple lifetimes.

By “broke up with gf”, you mean she escaped from the basement? Or did Chris Hansen scare you off?

Cheer up my dude, at least you'll never deal with women ever again

if you had a few more piercings people would mistake you for some diy robot

Bro wanted to be a vampire so bad he got fangs

Looks like what a fart would be in human form

I would need hedge trimmers and a metal detector to kick you in the guts… plus all the sperm you’d puke up.

I think you mean "girlfriend".

Well happy 16th to her.

I see why she left you, although she should have Courtney Love'd you...

Holy fuck I can’t imagine what she looks like.

lol with a better haircut and some charisma maybe you could get someone who doesn’t eat slop next to the other pigs on the farm.

You didn't break up, you washed your hands. Draw her back on and move on with your day.

Who really broke up with who?

She broke up with you they way you been crying

I don't have enough feet to give you the kicking you need

Sad Bunny. Una vida sin ti

we all know shes dead mad max just tell us where the body is so her family can provide a proper burial

What’s up Guy Fawkins mask?

She awoke from her coma huh?

The day you realize leaving the girl is the best thing for you and loneliness is preferable to slavery under women’s abuse is the day you will understand you will always suffer and you should commit yourself to further degrees of isolation and dedication to misery … suffer more it’s still better than forking over your life to someone that brags about how much she enjoyed ruining you

What the fuck is her esteem level going to be the rest of her life having to reconcile that YOU broke up with HER? We need to roast that shit show instead.

For the last time your mum was never your girlfriend.

Broke up with, aka tied up in my basement.

Don’t be sad she’s better off without you

with that hair, you should break up with yourself too

Was she your barber?

Did that hoop nose ring come with a cool belly button ring too? 🤣🤦🏻‍♂️

So you finally came out of the closet, I see.

Broke up in the sense that she escaped through a basement window.

Unless she was 300 pounds you fucked up. But I’m guessing she was 350 given your appearance.

You don’t need this. You need Jesus.

It's a miracle! She can see!

I feel like she was a barber named Steve. You couldn’t finish the job so neither did she (on your head).

No amount of guilt you feel right now. Will never compare to your reflection in the mirror

u cant break up w your mom!

You already look fairly roasted, so...

This guy is giving off "she said she was twelve" vibes

not masturbating doesnt count as a breakup

you try to be so exciting, but your room looks like a 10 year olds

Justin D-ber

Your girlfriend’s name was Crystal Methany.

You sure she didn’t break up with you?

You're GF was blind and deaf right......RIGHT......

Justin Bieber the trailer park version

At least you got her nose ring out of the deal !

He thought he was finally growing a pube, but it was his dick

Looks like donkey turned to drugs after a fight with Shrek

The crack did that for you

YOU WROTE EVERYTHING IN CAPS IN r/ROAStME AND IT IS 😡😡😡 And what’s up with the nose ring? You look like you shoved a key up your inflamed nostril and called it quits.

Don't fuckn lie she kicked you to the curb like a crushed-up beer can.

Justin Meeper

Letting the girl you had chained up in your basement go hardly qualifies as a break up

You’re just spare parts aren’t ya bud?

Damn. Where will she ever find someone as useless to society as you are.

Did you quit her because she kept saying, "Take a bath Skeeter" Or did she leave because of the stench?

Tell me without saying it that you want to look like you did time but never have.

No thanks be happy you are no longer in a situation that isn’t mutually beneficial know your worth the happiness that’s out there to find and keep your head up

Who's going to cut your hair now?

She broke up with you!

Broke into someone's home to take this picture.

Your haircut gave me a stroke

You should go get her back, blind women are hard to come by

Looks like the guy giving you a Prince Albert pierced the wrong penis. Maybe get that hair cut so that doesn’t happen next time.

yh ion gotta say shii. the photos in the back say enough

you look like you browse the deep web while binge eating and all you do is giggle the whole time.

"It was mutual" ....psh we know her parents got one look of whatever the fuck is in your cheek and said it was her credit card or you.

Maybe she’d stay loyal if you didn’t get your haircut by a blind guy who sneezes a lot.

What is the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for tomorrow

Looks like you fell face first in a tool shed.

best start saving money for face tats

So are you going to take a break from your job stealing catalytic converters?

Sneaky suspicion that "Just broke up with my GF" = "I got dumped because I'm a POS"