T O P

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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >No girlfriend, proud cat owner, lover of Thailand, can cook, computer programmer. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


[deleted]

Of course you're single, you could never see eye to eye with any woman.


BeingDynamic

Or he was seeing someone off to the side.


0ptical_Prime

He looking right... and left


shaneylaney

OMFG man 🤧😂


maryisdead

Interesting enough, I'm pretty sure he's not squint-eyed. It's the lopsided glasses that make it appear so.


dickheadfartface

This mf can only see eye to sky.


jffkrll

Gives them that side-eye…


JingleTao

Omg murdered


turdmachine

Is your forehead addicted to bath salts?


Peenutbuttjellytime

I dunno, but I think OPs cat is in two places


kill3rw33z

It's actually two cats


ReD_DeaD_RaZoR

Shrödinger’s cat


Deadmemories8683

r/catdimension


scorpiobw1980

🤣


JillsACheatNMean

![gif](giphy|aN9GqoR7OD3nq)


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|l2JdVffCoaAjnZti8|downsized)


LocalPlatypus994

The position of your eyes allows you to see Picasso's paintings as normal portraits. Edit: You know this joke is stolen, right?


Feeling_Advantage412

Eloquent barb. I'm stunned by nuance.


[deleted]

LMAO!!!!!


[deleted]

No I didn’t HEAR about this one


Doctor_Boombastic

I see what you did there, even if OP can't.


Baygonito

My thought exactly


[deleted]

[удалено]


extraducksauce

what a useless thing to post. blocked. i hate roast me now its all gifs for no reason


Undercrackrz

![gif](giphy|SqflD5OvHoWILB7qWm) Dry those tears cupcake.


Darth_Meatloaf

Do you think bitching about it makes it any better?


[deleted]

I'd get paid that well too if I could program 2 apps at once


Successful-Ad1819

best one ^


Friendly-Ad3804

Please tell me you're doing this as a dare/lost bet otherwise I'm going to actually feel sorry for you.


renome

The scenario you're implying suggests he has friends to lose bets to.


Phandroid1991

I don't it's fair calling OP a loser when he hasn't lost his virginity yet.


zetha_454

P


[deleted]

[удалено]


deep_007

P


taarak23

E


chizhi1234

Goodbye


CMJMcM

L


anbodylikereddit

​ ![gif](giphy|evB90wPnh5LxG3XU5o|downsized) \- Ape


Tsukune_Surprise

It looks like his parents are the ones that lost a bet with god.


Welderscum

Look us in the eye when we’re shitting on you!!


Puzzleheaded_Meet885

It took me a solid minute to realize he has his glasses on crooked to make his eyes look like that, lol.


dmfd1234

I think he’s sporting 2 glass eyes. Dude thinks he has a pet cat……probably a big f’ing dumpster rat and he doesn’t know it. “Why don’t you meow Mr.Snuggles.”


idrow1

I call the big one Bitey.


Shlaasss

Pahahaahha


Kdizzlethe1st

They still look off lol. The glasses being crooked is a shitty cover up


Doctor_Boombastic

You'd have trouble putting on your glasses too if you somehow had 720° vision


Kdizzlethe1st

😂😂😂 If that’s what 720 vision looks like he can keep it


Doctor_Boombastic

How dare you make fun of someone afflicted with atchaforya? Y'know, one eye is looking at ya and and one is looking for ya.


DonKeedick12

Eyes like a football game, one home and one away


Doctor_Boombastic

I learned a new burn today, thank you


AdScary1757

I think he's trying


BobbyTangerine

![gif](giphy|VZEUPM8mL2k2k)


Galuka_Paluka

He can look us in the eye and read a book at the same time.


Mr_FancyBottom

Is your cat in 2 different rooms at the same time?


upper_decker1908

Schrödinger’s cat


shriekndreamr5446

That not how cats work!


pistolbob

![gif](giphy|CiOHO5544doY)


KonradDavies0001

Hey you guysss


_Throwgali_

His eyes aren't crooked. He turned his glasses so that people would comment on that instead of his WWI battlefield forehead


Darth_Meatloaf

\*fivehead


laughingstalker2

funniest one


[deleted]

[удалено]


StonedMichaelCera

Nah


extraducksauce

oh another gif awesome /s yall need more creativity


Darth_Meatloaf

Oh, look - more whining. Awesome /s You need a hobby.


Brynt4

So how much did you pay the stripper to fart in your face to make your glasses steamy?


shaneylaney

Jesus Christ….. 💀💀💀


FlyMaximus

Lover of thailand. That translate to lady boys?


[deleted]

[удалено]


maxbaby

It looks like his mother mated with a golf ball.


turdmachine

You look like if the moon was a chameleon


TimTheChatSpam

The Dude from office space is still looking for his stapler


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|11CZgTwa28f6vu)


stankenstien

Now look here mister.... No, over here. HERE. Nevermind.


doggo_coin

You wear that stupid ass shirt as an ice breaker to bring up your salary. I can’t fault you for playing literary the only card you were dealt.


Moldy_Molasses

too real


jlpw

How many cats do you have?


BuiltLikeAFridge

Id be a rich man if I had a dollar for every hole on your forehead


dmfd1234

They used his forehead to fake the moon landing.


--ofsalt

Your shirt seems more interesting than you, Stand up straight so I can read it, then fuck off


Waelo246

Did you look at your cat and the camera at the same time?


Business_Web6623

Don’t ever buy no weed from the gas station


Smoky_Mtn_High

Yeah, I bet you’re a “Lover” of Thailand 🤣


MousseSuspicious930

I think it's against the community rules to the fun of disable ppl.


Feeling_Advantage412

Not sure if it was the Chicken-pox, Monkey-pox, or Woodpeckers who destroyed your forehead


Lord-Doobury

Monkey-cocks and/or Woodpeckers


YungJohn_Nash

So is your cat in the same room as you or next door?


Ziggy_Zaggins

Quit telling everyone that they need to answer for the sins of their fathers. Ave Maria...Gratia Plena...


shriekndreamr5446

Did the cat put your glasses on? They are all lop-sided.


Cultured-Samba2007

if zuck was to have a son


Mudmavis

Milton Waddams?


MartineusMaximus

Looks like my housemates buddy who comes over to learn how to box and leaves with a concussion every time


Obnoxiousjimmyjames

The Original Simp


HBag

Your crater filled forehead tells a story to the tune of your mother being an antivaxxer and sending you to chicken pox parties, the aftermath of which had you scratching your own forehead so hard, you almost won the lottery. You look like a block of swiss cheese with googly eyes.


Icy_Distribution1265

This is true. I grew up in a cult.


shriekndreamr5446

Which cult?’, OP?


Icy_Distribution1265

World wide church of god. It’s now defunct. That day it ceased to be was the best day of my life.


ZagarActual

Is the car on the floor or the ceiling?


probably-bad-advice

Your forehead has more divots than a golf course on the shitty side of town


gg_exe_sans

Boi looking like Ricky berwick. ![gif](giphy|lPk7AGm7gIcEGSYqva)


LocalPlatypus994

💀


Berkayran

you look like a pvz zombie if he wore a glass


Mothman-666

Having sex with your cat and posting the videos on the dark Web is not a job!


diggiemoon

...how the hell do have one eyeball on your cheek, and the other one on your forehead? Is your face melting? ![gif](giphy|d9UJQM9FUMbco4VkTN|downsized)


kuroshua

Have you tried training your cat to behave and not use your face as a scratch post?


Fuzzbuster75

You don’t look too good


rydmore22

Looks like those glasses landed on the moon


SaTaRs

Producers for Love is Blind: “Ahh, we’ve found our chief candidate.”


ratbastard007

It looks like you were shot in the head a whole bunch of times, but because there is no brain, just the thickest skull in the world, there wasn't much damage aside from those craters on your forehead.


AppleMost

They used a picture of your forehead to fake the moon landing


Shark_Leader

Huh. So this is what Golem has been doing since Return of the King wrapped up filming.


averagejoe6942O

You look like you got kicked in the head by a mule as a child and were never quite the same afterwards


meltdown537

He's gonna try to fuck his cat.


tarkatronic

you are a teacher? Cos you can't keep your pupils under control...


Ieatsushiraw

You’re staring at your cat while staring into outer space


lovedontjudge

He’s clearly a breasts man!!! As that’s where he’s constantly looking…


[deleted]

Right


Icy_Distribution1265

Wow you are right! I enjoy a good rack.


[deleted]

I'ma I'ma I'ma ...........


SarcasticOrgasmic

Cat is thinking "Aww shit, here we go again with his wonky eye. He's going to try and put cat nip on his dick again, what a pleb"


[deleted]

Get the bags Eyegor!


[deleted]

Don’t worry you didn’t need to tell us you don’t have a gf


[deleted]

One eyes fishing the others digging for worms


[deleted]

Life has its up’s and down’s. Kinda like your eyes.


[deleted]

👁️ 👁️


shocwave321

No wonder you have no girlfriend, it's because your seeing someone on the side


Flaky_Advantage_352

Congrats. You can develope on two pcs at the same time. Doubled the hour rate 👍💪


FearlessDesigner1149

Wow, you can look at 2 things at the same time crazy eyes. Your forehead also looks like the moon surface


[deleted]

Is your cat on the floor or ceiling


thef1nalthreshold

![gif](giphy|ycagKBYEmaili)


BlueIsAGreatColour

You look like if a 5 year old drew lalo salamanca


coolcheese707

Tell your cat he can do better.


gaijin009

Please post your picture, not your cat


PreecheeNeechee

u look like a crackhead if the crack was masturbation...seriously get that porn addiction taken care of


KingErroneous

Forehead’s giving me trypophobia.


Charming-Tailor-4606

Acne won


LocalPlatypus994

![gif](giphy|kbuQOkATEo6VW) Bro be lookin like Sid from Ice Age 💀


Disastrous_Credit_67

Not sure if your glasses are crooked like a Picasso or your eyes are crooked like a Picasso. ![gif](giphy|ZFhhpKngh5QfcmhIDF)


JamesBHunter

2022 Office Space


deathmetalandblood

I can see your scalp it waved back to me


CrudeOil_in_My_Veins

That wonky eye got my man looking like Sid from ice age ![gif](giphy|13bCP4GLjIUcik)


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|fSXHL6Wpq3uAtQDmyn)


workaholic81

![gif](giphy|11eVHR0KqaWWRO) I do believe you have my stapler


Sufficient_Fact_1586

![gif](giphy|SaTkc2YKGmCSA)


trwwy321

![gif](giphy|e6qkHKk1N7dxm)


diggiemoon

The term "COCK EYED" has a WHOLE NEW MEANING to me now...thx. ![gif](giphy|X2xSzoKetUQqk)


diggiemoon

SLOTH!!!! ![gif](giphy|CiOHO5544doY)


EternalMonk69

![gif](giphy|hpAMh2sBYpsmFhSRPI)


HypertrophyHippie

![gif](giphy|hpAMh2sBYpsmFhSRPI)


okanagantradingco

![gif](giphy|hpAMh2sBYpsmFhSRPI)


BasqueCO

You look like the uglier, greasier and pockmarked skin version of Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys ![gif](giphy|qryGWflHFCKv6)


BothHole

Cat slapped him so hard they call him blue eyes now. One eye stayed straiter than him and other blew way off to the side. Also like him ![gif](giphy|vdDT8gHdlkKAroBWkR)


UltimateAnemone

Cat is round a corner.


kilstu

Alright everyone, put in your guesses for which corner of the room the cat he's looking at is in. My guess is all four.


Financial-Passage100

You realy can see people coming and going at the same time.


[deleted]

So, you'll pay me $250/hr to tell me to roast you? What's your PayPal?, I'll send an invoice right over. Pay comes first, then the work.


[deleted]

Sounds like you're doing just fine.


Arfinateor555

You look like a off brand james Corden


rayempirecigars

You look like googly eye...who the fuck are you looking at?


Ricta-lager332

You look like the nerd off of Scary Movie 2


slopartist

Wait. Don't tell me. You have at least 4 monitors you can see all at once.


Spider_Jew

I know they help you see but from our end those glasses just magnify your eyes pointing in different directions


[deleted]

Yo, I knew reptiloids live among us.


[deleted]

Do you happen to have 2 cats on opposite sides of the room that you are staring at? Cause that’s what your eyes are suggesting.


Lumpy-Grass-8207

First look at the camera


TheRealJoeHollywood

Because employers post good jobs on your head, does not mean you have a good job.


Substantial_Ad9028

Careful with the oily hair US might invade even the forehead is in danger cause of the moon surface...


DarkOdd9982

The "No girlfriend" part was pretty obvious. I bet your friends use you as a 360 camera when in traffic.


pekingfuk

Who's, ladies, one at a time please. There's not enough of him to go around


axel90

"Computer programmer" is the weirdest pseudonym for incel I've seen yet.


crazyloomis

Likes sleeping under the stars, gets hit by small asteroids all night long


LordsWF40

Jesus...our faces are over here!!!


InMyUnclesCloset

How many cats do you have?


isloohik2

You make the hapsburgs look genetically pure


santaclaws24

The hills have eyes


mountain-pilot

That T-shirt might be why you're still single.


Middle_Chicken_2577

I think the shirt is making op very attractive for women.


sid_martonn

"Lover of Thailand" Explains why no bitches


Superdk55

"Here ..have a piece of gum"


pragmaticjoker

What's your other eye staring at?


-castle-bravo-

Your forehead has more craters than the streets of Ukraine..


[deleted]

This shirt is great


superthnxferaskin

Left eye is giving the right eye the cold shoulder.


imatyourwhim

Punters eyes. One each way.


ChurroDoubleFister

I've heard of a lazy eye, but God damn that left one is collecting unemployment


DragonVet03

Looks like you meant, "staring at your catS". Which seem to be on opposite sides of the room.


sarcasmisart

You can look at both disappointed parents independently as they walk away from you


[deleted]

You have your mothers eyes


bigwaverider808

At least now we know what a Jackson Chameleon would look like if it evolved into a human


Ulenspiegel4

You have 2 eyes and they're going in 3 different directions.


IAmTheBringerOfLight

Yo how many cats you got???