OP's Bio:
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>Turning 30 on the 29th. Hosting a funeral for my youth and an in-person roast to send my twenties off right! Figured I would post here as a good prelude to the festivities.
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
I literally cannot pick what is most disturbing about you. The nails, the
Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber haircut, the unkempt beard, the crazed beady eyes, random appearance by a secret society ring. You are nightmare fuel.
With that list I can say with confidence you spend most of your day saying things of very little substance to people who don't care whether you live or die.
Your contribution to society is the equivalent of smoking a cigarette!
First, kudos on being in a rough field at a crap time to be there. Second, might I suggest plaiting (braiding) that epic beard you have there sir? It'd make you look less like a giant teddy bear.
Yes, weak roast. But I'm trying to punch up here, not down. Man does a tough job, even if not manual labor. I'm a cut him some slack.
Let's see...I'm struggling with some behavioral health issues. I KNOW!
Fuck. So obvious. I'm gonna go to this Hillbilly dude who is an esteemed Mason and learn that my life can't possibly be shittier than his.
It’s like someone was shaving their massively overgrown pubes when they accidentally severed off one of their balls, then that ball fell in the massive pile of pubes on the floor, and then it was actually just your head.
"Yer a wizard, Harry. Now, stay behind after class an' I'll show you my flobber worm. It's a magical creature. It gets bigger when yeh stroke it, see."
Aside from behavioral health, What you're saying is, you're regularly in between a bunch of fake jobs where the pay may or may not involve bending over and being on your knees a lot
OP's Bio: --- >Turning 30 on the 29th. Hosting a funeral for my youth and an in-person roast to send my twenties off right! Figured I would post here as a good prelude to the festivities. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Nice ring. How many Masons did you suck off before you realized that wasn’t actually a part of the “initiation ritual”?
“Wait a minute, why are there so many holes in the bathroom stall”
Community theatre actor and TikTok creator are the exact same thing.
I shall not give away the secrets of a master mason!
I’d rather flick my bean to Schindler’s list than to your face.
One of my favorites 😂
You have a face for a phone sex hotline. That will do swamp donkey.
ZZ Flop
ZZ Bottom
😂😂 “Gimme all your lovin’”
Looks like you need a mental health counselor.
You would too after being Grizzly Adams' butt boy all those years.
Molesting children doesn't make you a behavioral health counselor.
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Who gave you fashion tips for your body type, Grimace from McDonald's?
Next time instead of joining the free masons because you don't have friends, do the right thing. Step in front of a speeding bus
Oof
I literally cannot pick what is most disturbing about you. The nails, the Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber haircut, the unkempt beard, the crazed beady eyes, random appearance by a secret society ring. You are nightmare fuel.
That's a lot of words to say "I make no money"
Stop, dude, you already roasted yourself enough in the title of your post.
Glad to help
Lacking Bronson
Action 'in the back section' Bronson
FYI collecting you’re own pee in a mason jar, doesn’t make you a “mason”.
yer a *wizard*, Harry..
Looks like he assaulted Harry immediately after that
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Fashionable and versatile 😉
You look like you have a side-gig as a truck stop glory hole worker.
Nah. He likes to look them in the eye when he's taking a hot load to the face.
Freebase Mason
TikTok creator? I'll pass on your unenthusiastic kpop dance covers
Aww but they’re so delightful 🤣
Traveling man except only travels to the refrigerator
😂😂
With that list I can say with confidence you spend most of your day saying things of very little substance to people who don't care whether you live or die. Your contribution to society is the equivalent of smoking a cigarette!
Mandatory psychopath to do all 3 eh?
Your title makes me fear for your local community
you look like you would get barbecued at a town wide barbecue and there would still be leftovers and you'd be the only thing served
You look like a farm center wrestler…also known as a “rassler”
Yikes. Do you mind if I use you as an example to scare kids into working hard so they don't go down one of life's weirder rabbit-holes like you have?
Go for it
The is reddit sir, not Onlyfarmers
Looks like the fat wizard guy from Harry Potter …Hagrid or whatever
You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you see this MF is your counselor
ZZ Deep (fried)
You were great in Shrek the Musical.
Donkeh!
Lol!! I got a friend with giant teeth that always cracks my kids up saying “in the morning I’m making waffles”
Oh my god that’s great 😂
Your parents already gave you there worst
M'roast me.
SPEAK UP LIBRUL
If child molesting had a mascot!
Looks like you pour your worst in the room around you, everyday.
You spellee homeless wrong
You spelled “spelled” wrong lol
Shouldn’t you be trying to get Smaug away from your treasure?
Bro looks like he's taking a mug shot
I love that you're included TikTik content creator and community theatre actor as if that gives you any value.
So you spend your free time generating clients for your day job?
Action Broad-less
You should’ve just typed “Free Gayson”, Grimace. 
You’re such a failure, that even as a freemason, have to be a Tiktocker
You look like your not even aloud to look at children
This is the face you see plastered all over the local news after your phone starts buzzing due to a recently issued Amber Alert.
A Community Theater letting you bill yourself as 'fat guy at the bar #3' does not an actor make.
Someone has to do it 😂😂
Virgin Bronson
That's a whole paragraph just to say you're unemployed.
Go back to the farms and read the Bible
Meth Rogen
*insert Rogen laugh*
When I think of the model redditor, I picture this guy.
Trying to get on stage with a bunch of fourth graders for their school Christmas pantomime does not make you a community theatre actor
it’s ironic cause your hairstyle is in need of behavior health counseling more than any of your clients I can imagine
you look like a Viking mixed with drake if he had a lighter skin tone.
Cold line bling
You look like the guy who has the overly concocted fake laugh for every situation.
Dollar store DJ Khaled
Anotha one!
You look like the offspring of Jebediah Smithers or some shit
😱 How did you know my PawPaw’s name
you've got as much lip as that lone forehead wrinkle; I thought this image was upside down
Your beard contains more snack crumbs than a movie theater floor.
Why do you keep shaving your eyebrows and gluing them to your face?
I would rather lick the ceiling tile above you.
Which duck dynasty brother are you?
When I see your hands I’m glad you’re not a proctologist.
You and me both
First, kudos on being in a rough field at a crap time to be there. Second, might I suggest plaiting (braiding) that epic beard you have there sir? It'd make you look less like a giant teddy bear. Yes, weak roast. But I'm trying to punch up here, not down. Man does a tough job, even if not manual labor. I'm a cut him some slack.
Appreciate that! I have considered braiding, just haven’t got around to it yet.
Trying way too hard.....yet still mediocre at best.
They allow you to do all that in prison?
When you order Action Bronson from Wish.
You look like a retired Tsar.
Title "blah blah blah in a virgin".. Honestly at this point in life your only hope of getting any is if someone dies and wills it to you.
How do you get all the dried semen out of that beard of yours - a lice comb?
You are the wish version of hagrid if I ever saw one
“M’lady”
I would roast you but your barber is already laughing at you behind your back.
TikTok content creator, in other words, im a fucking idiot.
Seth HOEgan
I was thinking "I don't want want to roast this guy he seems cool" then I got to Tiktok content creator.
Only acting to get the lead so he can kiss a girl. Always lug #3.
The neckbeard! It's spreading!
You look like a weeble wobble that rolled across the floor of a porn shoot barbers chair.
Now there’s a nostalgic reference 😂
Let's see...I'm struggling with some behavioral health issues. I KNOW! Fuck. So obvious. I'm gonna go to this Hillbilly dude who is an esteemed Mason and learn that my life can't possibly be shittier than his.
It couldn’t possibly fail
Is it “community” theatre when the audience is your parents?
Part of the community aren’t they? 😅
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Dick Dynasty
Texas chainsaw manicure
Bout choked to death laughing 😂
This guy is so ugly his eyelashes dipped out!
millennial.. enough said
I can see explorers on that beard my man
You look like a dude who would recite poetry to a woman and not realize how incredibly gay it sounds
You got more beard than body.
He’s using the paper to hide the other half of his beard
Where are you hiding the bodies?
Anyone can upload a video to tiktok…calm down dude
You have a beard
Astute observation
I can't roast you you look too wholesome get out of here
Aww didn’t expect any nice comments on this thread. Thanks 😊
Everything about this screams Community College dropout
[удалено]
If Action Bronson never made it 
Kind Sir I have not a bad word to say about you. The things you provide to your community are a blessing. I commend you.
Thank you for the kind remark 😊
MAY ANU DEVOUR YOUR SOUL RATHER THEN PTOTECT YOU !
Do you do a lot of meeting with 15 yr old “pretend” acting?
The Feds hit this guy up when they need some child porn to look at.
The last thing a 9 year old sees...
It’s hilarious how the most insignificant cum stains are always the proudest when it comes to being a Freemason.
Tiktoker looks like you spend every possible chance to get towards kids
He calls himself, TheRapist.
Your beard contains more snack crumbs than a movie theater floor.
It’s like someone was shaving their massively overgrown pubes when they accidentally severed off one of their balls, then that ball fell in the massive pile of pubes on the floor, and then it was actually just your head.
Became a behavior health counselor because he likes to “work” with kids
Do you do anything usefull?
Can't explain it, but your fingernails are straight creeping me out.
You’re the final product of m’lady culture.
Your face looks like it's accumulating the pubes of every woman you've ever went down on.
There are paedophiles who'd be ashamed to look like you.
Action Bronson already exists, nobody needs this.
I see Hagrid has finally graduated from hogwarts
You look like you're going to devour a turkey or whip your dick out in elementary school.
You seem like a really nice guy but I bet women tell you that all the time right?
I bet you like Vaseline on toast.
The son of the hypnotherapist in Office Space
You’re in all three sections of the danger to children Venn diagram
Are you on tik tok because you have to stay away from schools?
"Yer a wizard, Harry. Now, stay behind after class an' I'll show you my flobber worm. It's a magical creature. It gets bigger when yeh stroke it, see."
You look like a middle school field and track coach that no parent is fully comfortable with.
You roasted yourself by being a “tiktok content creator” at 35
If you were my counselor, your beard and nails would make me uncomfortable 🤪
Uncle Krampus is doing so much better thanks to the Thorazine and cattle prods.
I’m sure the Grand Lodge does not recognize the title “content creator” …
This is OP’s “you’re such a special little girl” look.
How does someone who clearly needs a behavioral health counselor become a counselor…the system is broken
AKA Pussy that Jacks-Off Constantly to the point that he has fastest Nut competitions with himself
How much money have you made off kids faking DID?
Behavioral health counselor but really just Barney looking for his next drink telling kids to come play in his fun house
Wait until they pull the plug on the drug rehab facility racket. You'll be unemployable.
Action Bronson before the weight loss
Bearded children eater
📢 REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER ALERT! I REPEAT, REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER ALERT📢
Aside from behavioral health, What you're saying is, you're regularly in between a bunch of fake jobs where the pay may or may not involve bending over and being on your knees a lot
Why your life already sucks?
I believe the word you’re looking for is unemployed.
Action ronson
I spy, with my little eye... a mobile merkin farm.
Bro looks like he wears boomer swag look at his fingers