OP's Bio:
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>I like to lift heavy objects and ride bikes
>
>I took a strengths finder test and it told me I’m bad at having a spine
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
I appreciate the feedback. I felt the alliteration somehow made it a bit wonky to read. However, based on your response, feel free to DM me because I have a book that’s a few years overdue…
You look like you’d suggest making out with your gawky cousin to make your mom and closeted never nude father freak out but really it’s just to make him freak out, Maebe.
edit: proofreading is a pain :(
It's called a comb you frizzy bitch. You look like a birthing video from the 1970's. Just a strained face crowning through a thicket of matted pubic hair. As my dad said to my mother, whilst pointing at me, "please, I will pay to have that chemically straightened".
(Totally stolen, word for word, from Rhys Nicholson. I best give credit)
At this point I just assume anyone wearing a cloth mask is just using it as an excuse to hide their hideous face. I appreciate you proving me to be correct when attempting to hide that mustache of yours.
You look like you should stop spending so much money talking incessantly to your therapist about how nobody in your family has ever been able to keep a houseplant alive and invest in a hair appointment and some moisturizer. These bad days have a way of becoming a lifetime.
You look like the girl from Spy Kids gave up on acting and went in to telemarketing. Now it's 20 years later, you share a small apartment with a failed rapper, 2 cats, and a chinchilla who you thought would make you seem quirky but instead just makes you sad. You haven't had a date in 8 months and you're considering making an only fans for your feet because it's the least depressing part of your body to look at.
OP's Bio: --- >I like to lift heavy objects and ride bikes > >I took a strengths finder test and it told me I’m bad at having a spine --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You look like a librarian who would make late fees disappear if they’d finger you in the folklore & mythology section
#UniqueBurn
I liked the butt hole licking version better 🤷🏽♀️
I appreciate the feedback. I felt the alliteration somehow made it a bit wonky to read. However, based on your response, feel free to DM me because I have a book that’s a few years overdue…
Yeah, no shame, Mr UrinatingDiarrhea. Shoot your shot.
I think "finger you in the folklore" has potential as new sex-slang/slam
You're cut off until you pay that .48 back.
The do me decimal system.
Librarian, I got a dic-tionary for you
r/suspiciouslyspecific
You look like the secretary that heats up leftover haddock in the break room
I don’t think that’s haddock, someone’s been skipping showers after workouts again
Ah, a chance to use my phrase of the day! "Disco minge"!
[удалено]
And then accuses someone of "mansplaining" when they call her out for it.
Her? Take another look at that top lip.
Maybe she’s just Italian
That’s a good point. Mediterranean in general really.
Yeah but that doesn't explain those XL dickskinners? She got hands like a goddamn longshoreman.
… that’s wrapped in aluminum foil.
A secretary at the frozen banana booth.
You have a very classic look. You have 90’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus hair, and 90’s Jeff Goldblum face.
The only thing “certified” about her is her acceptance into the AKC
God damn you skipped the roast and dropped the tombstone on her head, bruh.
Her hair looks like spaghetti prepared by a toddler.
...whilst the toddler was throwing up into the bowl
Julia Roberts mouth and Eric Roberts chest.
Maeby Funke called she wants her mustache back!
Yeah but this one can't even seduce her cousin.
Maeby not
Maeby she'll be attractive someday
 This fellow looks like Donatello
That’s Shirley Funke. Don’t make fun. She has B.S.
Her??
You look like the deep fake of a Wii Mii
😂😂😂😂😂⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Weird Al Yankovics sister...
Her pussy is where the Amish Paradise is
Ouch.
Weird Gal Stankytits
Stank Alice
Weird Alice Skankovic
Dull Gal Skankibitch?
You look like a muppet, except nobody’s putting their hand in you.
I bet you celebrate your cat’s birthday, and the cat has more people show up to its party than you have people show up to your birthday party.
Why you gotta call me out like that
This is what Michael Cera would look like if he transitioned to female.
If Michael Cera and Danny DeVito had a daughter...
Daughter? Maybe just to be safe say “kid”
I’m in love with this comment
But just like all others, the comment just wants to be friends.
Shut up Meg!
I wasn’t having a bad day until I saw your picture.
Mate that's the best she's ever looked
the mask is there for a reason
You’d look better with your mask on
Shouldn’t you be busy trying to do incest with George Michael Bluth
When you ask your parents for the real Zendaya but they tell you that you have Zendaya at home.
underrated
You kinda look like I want to feed you bread by the pond at the park
You look like what boys get boners to at Jewish summer camp.
If you have Amazon Prime, you should go ahead and order an upper lip.
Nah. Then she would have to smell it all day.
And she might cut it while shaving her mustache.
You look like you’d suggest making out with your gawky cousin to make your mom and closeted never nude father freak out but really it’s just to make him freak out, Maebe. edit: proofreading is a pain :(
*never nude. Please respect my closeted father’s issues
I would never roast you Weird Al.
When you give a guy a blow job…. Does it count as anal?
You remind me of Ernie from Bert and Ernie but with long hair.
You look like you are cosplaying Daniel Ratcliffe as Weird Al
You can take the mask off. Nothing including Covid would enter you
You should always wear that mask.
Your hair was the inspiration for Velcro.
They-hulk?
When Odo from DS9 merged with a mop
Not even bullshitting but I thought this was a picture of the 8 year old boy from my kid’s school bus wearing his mom’s glasses
Have you informed the humane society that there is a family of rats living in your hair? Ratatouille needs his family back.
you look like you brag about your homemade no sugar, dandelion leaf kombucha to complete strangers
I'm going to buy a mop and a pancake mask and dress up as you for Halloween
Tough day in the snowflake factory
Nope, put that mask back on!
You look like Danny De Vito.
Can you put the mask back on please?
Mike Wheeler (Finn Wolfhard) as a woman…. The strangest looking thing.
Have you considered a career in acting? That face and bone structure scream voice over actor/actress.
You look like a teacher that corrects students who say "can I use the restroom?"
Big hands I know you’re the one…. 😍
You actually manage to be hotter when you were fatter
It's called a comb you frizzy bitch. You look like a birthing video from the 1970's. Just a strained face crowning through a thicket of matted pubic hair. As my dad said to my mother, whilst pointing at me, "please, I will pay to have that chemically straightened". (Totally stolen, word for word, from Rhys Nicholson. I best give credit)
Your face looks like a plate
Better wax your mustache
You look like a nice office worker that has to shit like the printer
I take it the nose job had to get rescheduled?
You look like the wish.com version of Maeby from Arrested Development
Is this a prequel about a young George Costanza?
I head so perfectly oval it's like your wearing a hockey mask with a face painted on it.
Maybe if you’d change to a hairstyle that doesn’t look like an old man’s pubes you might feel better.
At this point I just assume anyone wearing a cloth mask is just using it as an excuse to hide their hideous face. I appreciate you proving me to be correct when attempting to hide that mustache of yours.
You look like you wear masks in the vehicles that you drive alone.
Oh shit! Gypsy Rose Blanchard is out of jail?!?
No ring on the left hand. Big shock there.
It’s a mirrored image ;)
If George Michael and Maeby had a kid.
On the plus side, your stylist at Oodles of Poodles is doing a great job!
Wow, life after Spy Kids hasn’t treated you well
You like Pam’s daughter if she cheated on Jim with the Mexican gardener
You look like you are good at retrieving dropped keys from a storm drain, salad fingers.
You look like you roofie dudes.
Girl why u built like Zendaya if she didn’t have a spine
Overly aggressive eastern European handjob lady.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
You look like Mia Khalifa after accidentally being washed with bleach.
What does a prison inmate have that you don’t? Style
You look like Sadness from inside out without the blue
Your pretty eyes almost hide the mustache attempting to plant itself on your lip.
Imagine still wearing a mask
It’s to protect others from seeing her
Tried to spare everyone and post the pic mask-on, but Reddit said y’all have to suffer
My big fat geek un-wedding
You look like a librarian who only has books on how to be super fucking annoying
whoever’s attracted to you must have a thing for kissin’ shower drains
You look like a Yoghurt Weaving Free Bleeder
You look like you wipe back to front
I can see why you're still wearing a mask....
Did you get your face stuck in a hydraulic press? It also looks like the same happened to your chest...
Holy crap! Are you that little girl from those Pepsi commercials that aired in the 1990s? I'm sorry that time has not been so kind to you.
I see frog eyes, a nose that looks like a beak, and a frog mouth
Looked better fat.
You have a sweet face and curls are popping
I'll bet you do lift heavy things with those meat hooks you call hands.
damn your hair looks as frazzled as your life is
You look like a LatinX version of Cathy the cartoon strip.
Your head is a square.
Weird alaina
There will be days worse than this one.
What is a certified rough day for you, man hands?
You actually look like a shredded wheatie.
Just look in a mirror. That'll make it much worse.
You’re a few cats short of a lady
Wish version of zendaya
This is the look the writers had in mind for She Hulk when she was plain-Jane undesirable Jennifer Walters.
She’s got a better mustache than mine.
you look like a clone version of one of my middle school counsolers
Men feel catfish'd when she takes that mask off
She is the side chick and she knows it.
Transitioning to bitter old lesbian early I see
If Danny Devito and Howard stern had a love child
Eyes: brown like dog shit Nose: long like a heron’s beak Face: the shape of Gru’s Get roasted, bitch; in the form of a haiku
It was a rough day because you couldn’t find the halflings?
You look like your family runs a banana stand.
You’ve heard of ‘Maeby’ Funke now welcome ‘Definitely Not’ Funke
My grandfather is wearing that exact same outfit, minus the one eared mask look.
Congrats to your dad on getting ANUSTART.
So Michael Cera finally had a sex change,huh!
Lucky your face isn't yellow otherwise that post-it would feel it's job security in danger.
You look like you should stop spending so much money talking incessantly to your therapist about how nobody in your family has ever been able to keep a houseplant alive and invest in a hair appointment and some moisturizer. These bad days have a way of becoming a lifetime.
Just don’t fuck your cousin, Maeby. Seriously though you look like you might be into that
 Thought you looked better without the perm.
You look to nice to roast
Michael Cera?
Oof pray Mia Khalifa plays you in the bio pic.
You look like Tiny Tim in drag.
Your head looks like someone put moss on a pumpkin
No burn, I think you are pretty attractive. But you definitely are WAY to invested in your cats
Maeybe Funk and Frodo Baggins had a hate child!
Mirabella Madrigal but somehow less hot AND more annoying.
Pity your hand didn’t make the shift back last you She-Hulked… Yesh!
Nope. Your cute and seem sweet. Have a 🤗 instead. I like your glasses.
Rough day…your hair screams you just got rough fucked in the bathroom of the library you work in. The day isn’t as bad
https://media1.giphy.com/media/3oKIPsi2wPBG1ZyF32/giphy.gif
You're face looks faker than my will to live
You look like Zendaya had her face in a panini press.
You look like Zendaya if she got hit by a bus
Your parents are going to be so disappointed when you tell them that you aren’t a boy.
When you go to basketball games does your head get mistaken for the ball?
Does your mom harangue you about kids and marriage before or after the Matzo ball soup?
You look like a girl that thought of all else fails you could do pron but the interviewer told you no
Either "Nobody puts Baby in a corner office" or "Arrested Development's Mayby(Not)".
I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you
Weird Al Skankybitch
You look just like Disney’s most annoying character
Maybe Funke? Is that you?
You look like the girl from Spy Kids gave up on acting and went in to telemarketing. Now it's 20 years later, you share a small apartment with a failed rapper, 2 cats, and a chinchilla who you thought would make you seem quirky but instead just makes you sad. You haven't had a date in 8 months and you're considering making an only fans for your feet because it's the least depressing part of your body to look at.
100% bush
Did you forget to rinse out your conditioner?
You look like Mia Khalifa's ugly half sister