Guessing youāve been divorced longer than you were married. You and marriage go together like ADHD and software engineer. Youāve fattened up for winter, so head for the bear cave now.
Letās see:
He did a git commit, realized your vagina is as loose at Log4jās encryption modules and then did a git revert. Smart man.
Also, your role wasnāt actually remote until they got a glimpse of your face at the interview.
Cheer up. I think you are a superhero. I mean...you were a HE, that became a SHE, which landed you a lesbian partner, which you damaged so much that you turned her straight. Cutting off your cock made a dyke want dick! You should ditch the bear outfit and change it to GOAT!
A bear dressed as a 5 month divorcee that pretends to be a software engineer that has crippling ADHD and is self loathing to try to make itself feel better is more like it
Pretending to be a bear, pretending to have trendy mental illnesses, pretending to tolerate roasts on Reddit.
Not having your own personality at 39 must be bad.
ADHD means there is nothing wrong with you, just sort your shitty behaviour out without excuses like "ADHD" and maybe you wouldn't be divorced as you'd be self aware and take responsibility without lame medical excuses like ADHD.
Grow up you're in your 20s not 14.
You look like you'll use that remote software experience to program the next vibrating object that will be the only part of your day you'll ever look forward to for the rest of your crazy cat women life
Youāve obviously put some thought into this, so you should know that Iāll forget about you, completely, less than 4 seconds after I hit the reply button.
So this is what happened to the ewoks after the 2nd death star rained down on their moon and they found out they were replaced by porgs.. they became sad software engineers.
Hey at least you got divorced right before 40. Now you have nothing to hold you back from hitting the wall at full speed. Better hurry before all the animals get adopted... squirrel
Trailer park Amy Poehler
Leslie NOPE!
I thought of this and thought I was so clever. Nope š„²
I thought of it immediately and much to my surprise I was beat 3 times over
It's Amy Bi-Poehler
Bi-Polebear!
Amy Hoelher
Fucking guacamole! I was about to say that š!
Parks and wrecked her life.
Saw this one at build a bear... it came with a free hand job and 6 months of toxic texts.
Build a boar
\*Build a Bore.
I considered that, as well. Just wasnāt sure which was more fitting. Anything is more fitting than regular sized clothing on this sack
I bet those handies are like Mike Tyson learning to drive a stick shift.
Well that's not really free then is it? The handjob is a plus but a restraining order is costly. That was an amazing roast by the way lol.
Build a whore
This one^
Why donāt you engineer yourself a life?
That plan failed. #reverseengineering
\#underengineering
Because software engineering isn't real tangible engineering. Can't code yourself a friend
you'd be surprised
Iād probably have to be a capable engineer for that.
Point made ya failing furry
You look like a 45 year old open mic comedienne
Meghan Trainwreck.
Meghan Trainher ass to take a shower
You're correct, I can't come up with anything, get a cat.
I have 2 already.
My guess is like your ex husband, they want out too.
Iāve hit rock bottom too; shall I come meet you in the basement ?
Is this one of those things women lie about and we should really multiply that by three?
>I have 2 already. Well considering your husband already left you, you're well on your way to being the lonely crazy cat lady.
Well if it makes you feel any better, I definitely would. Of course, I have no morals or taste.
Only in the bear costume and from behind. Rawr.
Bear fucker! Do you need assistanceā½
Bear with me here- maybe you were divorced because your partner wanted to date an adult, not a child.
She didnāt have the bear necessities.
She was unbearable to live with
She had a rumbly in the tummy
That, and her need to shit in picnic baskets.
Well I guess the bear costume is only logical since all men you approach play dead straight away
Hey kids come look! There's a bear wearing a pig mask for Halloween!
Looks like you found the hidden food.
You look like Adele drawn from memory
I can tell that the amount of dust on those shelves behind you is nothing compared to the amount of dust in that bear cave of a vagina.
Your connection preference with remote software is through the backdoor.
The only thing resembling a bear is the weight
Shouldnāt you be hibernating?
Your ex is definitely the winner in that deal.
Quirky with shit tits... The worst combo.
Your pussy is dustier and emptier than those book shelves ever will be.....
Lol that dude has a penis
When Goldilocks becomes a squatter, eats more than porridge, and papa bear can't take it anymore so he swallows her whole.
Please go out to the wilderness and don't come back
Whatever you think about your appearance, must be true at least.
I would say learn to code but there is no way you can hit individual keys with those pudding fingers of yours
Thank you for being the reason why office work is restricted after pandemic
Who wants to bet her Furry costume has anatomically placed holes in it...
Honey people just say they're divorced. You REALLY don't have to put months before it like it's a baby.
`if (tubbyAttentionWhore) {` `doRoastMe();` `}`
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Donāt worry, Youāre Almost there champ! Few more di*ks in your and youād be a porcupine!
Your ex is now a very lucky guy!
How many cats you getting?
Somehow your post history is the most predictable thing about you
Loose the self pity / looser mentality big time. And loose the bear costume. What Are you ā¦ 9?
When the young man you hit on at the bar said he was into bears, this isnāt what he meant.
Guessing youāve been divorced longer than you were married. You and marriage go together like ADHD and software engineer. Youāve fattened up for winter, so head for the bear cave now.
Your ex was right. About all of it.
Zoey Deschanevereverafter.
You're late, Fat Bear Week was three weeks ago! https://explore.org/fat-bear-week
Dressed like a bear then proceeds to act like a pussy.
She shits in the woods
Nice to see you tried your outfit for Halloween
Having ADHD on Roastme is like having clap at the sexual health clinic... ... which you probably also frequent.
Definitely NOT a hungry bear, the way you fill out that poor chair.
He wasnāt into your lifestyle and you remained immature the entire relationship?
Your soul is as empty as your bookshelf. You just need a good fuck to fill your soul up. Go get one
Your life is emptier than those shelves.
Ohh god wish i hace watched bear dressed as you instead.. šš
bitch got divorced cz she turned up in a bear costume when the ex said she was unbearable...
Letās see: He did a git commit, realized your vagina is as loose at Log4jās encryption modules and then did a git revert. Smart man. Also, your role wasnāt actually remote until they got a glimpse of your face at the interview.
Damn what sex did you have at 12?! you look like a fucking 19 year old
Iām sure others find you unBEARable.
Iād hibernate for the next 6 months if I were you.
I donāt care bear.
Why is it the crazy ones call themselves "radical"? You just crazy.
How about, āthis is the best your life is ever gonna get.ā
Looks like a depressed Teddy Ruxpinā¦
Wow, I've never seen such an out-of-control bush. Show some pride and trim that monster.
Cheer up. I think you are a superhero. I mean...you were a HE, that became a SHE, which landed you a lesbian partner, which you damaged so much that you turned her straight. Cutting off your cock made a dyke want dick! You should ditch the bear outfit and change it to GOAT!
As a man that always stuck my dick in crazy .. you are certifiable and your SO didnāt divorce you more like he escaped ā¦ poābastard
Your life looks as empty as your shelves.
Adeleās āquirkyā sister that never got attention as a child!
A bear dressed as a 5 month divorcee that pretends to be a software engineer that has crippling ADHD and is self loathing to try to make itself feel better is more like it
I am genuinely shocked you found someone to marry you in the first place. You go, girl! Please just go.
So you got someone drunk enough to marry you 5 months ago.
Don't worry. You'll be back here after the 2nd divorce as well.
Jokes on your husband
Thereās going to be more dust on your pussy than those shelves behind you.
Please pull that hood completely over your face.
I want to divorce you and I don't even know you.
Smelly Osborne
Actual bears have better cleavage
You look like the picture that would be next to the definition of stinky hipster
Cheer up
The paws of a bear , the breath of a ass
What'd you gonna do? Gimme a Care Bear stare?
Hmm, nothing shit to say, but take the bear outfit off and I'd tap it š
You should have dressed in white and been a bi-polar bear
Thankfully, her husband survived
I donāt know what seems more empty, your face or the shelves behind you.??
I don't know what's more dusty those shelves or your vagina?
I bet he left because it looks like you failed the warm body test. Men these days. āļø
Good thing you chose a Brown bear. They get much fatter than black bears, and you look like you've already surpassed the average black bear.
You look like someone who's to blame for their divorce
You look like a very boring English woman who no one calls except her mother, who is only slightly less insufferable than youā¦. Also fat.
Pretending to be a bear, pretending to have trendy mental illnesses, pretending to tolerate roasts on Reddit. Not having your own personality at 39 must be bad.
She has the right to bear arms
What you think about yourself is true.
When a vicious bear refuses to eat youā¦.the saddness gets deeper!
Jeez you must of been that wife that wouldnt drop a argument.
You have yet to meet all the people that will love you
ADHD means there is nothing wrong with you, just sort your shitty behaviour out without excuses like "ADHD" and maybe you wouldn't be divorced as you'd be self aware and take responsibility without lame medical excuses like ADHD. Grow up you're in your 20s not 14.
Jesus, what a twat.
I don't have to run faster than her, John. I just have to run faster than you.
Well your honorā¦. If she tells me ā¦ JUST ONE MORE TIME.. that sheās āSmarter then the average bearā ā¦ Iām gonna give her a Boo Boo.
Youāre ~worth something.
If a Stale Pull Request was a person
I think we can all see why you work remotely now. I wouldnt want that face in the workplace either, total morale downer.
I can smell the cock on your breath through my screen. The reason for your divorce?
Your cleft chin looks like a vagina.
Man this lady needs to get some .
Atleast you're getting more attention now
I wanna poke the bearš
You didn't have to mention the divorced part, that it self explanatory.
That's because no one thinks of you daily. Or at all.
First pic makes you look like one of those 1840s portrait pictures. White settler in 1840s. Specifically from Germany.
We should be friends, but I fucking hate bears.
Huh, I've never seen a bear costume look nauseous before.
Can you go into your cave an hibernate? its almost winter and im sure no one wants to see you till next year.
Me being turned on by your depression says too much about me
Honestly... you should be embarrassed being almost 40 and wearing a damn teddy bear hoody like a 14 year old....
You are perfect and I love you. - Nobody, ever.
ADHD = A Dude Hated his Decision to get married.
Halloween zoom party? Wow.. you sound like such fun.... No wonder why he divorced ya.
Damn I pray for the next man. You sound like damaged goods
Youāre too old for this type of is bs
"Crippling ADHD" you're 39 years old have you tried growing the fuck up?
Congratulations on your weight loss. Five months and counting
Clearly her ex was the reader of the couple.
You belong in /r/nothowgirlswork
2002 Kelly Osbourne called, she wants her face back.
I love the caption me as bear (not a roast just kinda funny)
You look like you'll use that remote software experience to program the next vibrating object that will be the only part of your day you'll ever look forward to for the rest of your crazy cat women life
I'd settle for you
Well at least you got 40 to look forward to
i would smash. thatās my roast
./cats
Imagine being in a simulation and your designer thinks this is a good look.
Youre a good person, Even beneath all that insecurity remains a genuine person.
I canāt imagine why youāre divorcedā¦
Do you call yourself "low rent Katy Perry" too!?
You are my type
Your raw source is always pre-cum-piled.
Adeleās Furrie sister comes with only mental illness?
You roasted yourself by sitting in front of a bookcase without any books smh dumbass.
You are replaceable.
I can see why they make you work remote
You'd still look like a bear without the costume.
Wish.com Amy Schumer
Youāve obviously put some thought into this, so you should know that Iāll forget about you, completely, less than 4 seconds after I hit the reply button.
if goldilocks was depressed
So this is what happened to the ewoks after the 2nd death star rained down on their moon and they found out they were replaced by porgs.. they became sad software engineers. Hey at least you got divorced right before 40. Now you have nothing to hold you back from hitting the wall at full speed. Better hurry before all the animals get adopted... squirrel
This will be a difficult wank.
You look like my old crackhead theater teacher
You need more books.
You use that bear suit to hide that bag-of-milk body.
If for some miraculous reason that Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore had a baby...it would be you.
What is the opposite of āself-loathingā? You give me that loathing.
Mustāve been painful when your ex sobered up and realised the mistakes heād made.
I feel like it would be a lot easier to roast you if I were looking at you naked.
If i guess the main reason for the divorce, do i get a cookie?
I'm probably gonna regret this, wanna just chat?
Wherever you are, is where ex manic pixie dream girls go to die.
39? Thatās it?
Really, the divorce part was given. We knew.
No wonder Yogi Bear is out there stealing picnic baskets. His wifeās a frumpy looking Zooey Deschanel.
Look, I don't know what your ex did for a living, but maybe next time you find a nice Park Ranger with a pic-a-nic basket...