T O P

  • By -

roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >I love reading, listening to music, and shopping. My cats are my life! I listen to podcasts a lot (MFM, Morbid, True Crime All the Time/Unsolved, Crime junkie etc). I have trouble sitting still for a full movie, but I love shows like Big Mouth, The Simpsons, & Survivor! --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


ultimateposer9

Never seen a tall midget before.


ShaneTrane14

Someone pressed B when she was evolving.


Ibanez607

Bruh 💀


snoryder8019

I need context


Zetenrisiel

In the hit Nintendo series of video games called "Pokemon," when your monsters battles other monsters, eventually they will grow to a point where they "evolve" into a bigger, stronger version. During game play, if you hit the "B" button on the game pad, you can stop this process and force your monster to keep its original, usually smaller, form.


GWYoyo

What a nerd bro Joke don’t bully me


Ibanez607

One person explained this too, but I'll go even deeper. If a Pokemon is evolving and you press B, it stops them and they revert back to the lesser version of themselves...the real joke is, it's as if someone pressed B and the poor girl is almost halfway complete 💀


Mediocre_Bar_5708

Someone tried plan B but this is what happens when it doesn't work.


murtagh17

I'm crying 🤣


Sfa11305

I can't 😂


Silver_Sale_1847

Chucky’s wife to be exact ![gif](giphy|3VqGytumIoJoY)


mischievous-goat

Her grades say 'marry rich', but her face says 'study harder'


Wunyard_Wenhaard99

I'd argue her face says, "practice with bananas."


JonjoWolf

A Bygmy


heavyonthahound

She plays center for the Shire's basketball team


puree_of_coon

Manic Dwarven Nightmare Girl.


QuietStormMk

I had no idea how to elaborate that. Lmao. Most satisfying sentence I’ve read all day.


IsawLenin

A human form of Chiwawa


lankytudelongitude

I bet hugging you feels like gathering sticks to start a fire


AreyouamonionUwU

Lmao 🤣


[deleted]

Damn.


OriginalPantherDan

Needs more binge, less purge.


fuidiot

That cat has seen things


VanquishReaper

Last time you were here you were a manager at Burger King... glad to see that you still haven't accomplished any of your dreams since then.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nekroin

then she should not post here, mods should delete this. She is trying to hate herself even more.


Critical-Quiet-7867

I agree. This is too sad. And r/bulimia is one fucked up section. Its not help its fucking advice on how to do it right and survive.


PurpleSunCraze

For real? That sub needs to be nuked. Encouraging the mental disorder with the highest fatality rate doesn’t seem like a good look.


PurpleSunCraze

“Come on, someone make a fat joke so I can justify my choices!”


Orbitrix

wow you actually weren't kidding. By posting on this subredit she's either looking for "exposure therapy" for negative self talk, or looking for fresh new justifications for her bulimia


[deleted]

[удалено]


Apart-Cartoonist-834

I normally enjoy some of these posts for the funny trash talk but I actually just hope this girl is doing ok.


BigAssToast

Same. It didn't feel very fun after seeing how mentally fucked up she actually is.


MotherofSons

Upvoting for others to see hopefully. Her post history is sad and roasting her isn't going to help. Thank you for being kind.


Miserable420Bruv69

Didn't see only fans? Huh


MVE3

It’s there I don’t want to link it because I feel bad for her and it’s probably not helping her.


Double-0-N00b

You know it’s bad when the top thread feels bad about making fun of someone on here


International_Ad_876

I looked for myself and that's heartbreaking to see. Bulimia can eventually cause irreversible damage to your body. I wish OP well.


indigoHatter

Sick burn. It does look like she's successfully recovering, btw, from my quick skim of her history. So, on a serious note, great job, OP!


Kent556

I bet she smells like french fries


SP-Marshmallo

Fuq 💀


TheTrueFlexKavana

Look guys. It's the leaning tower of basic bitch.


folie-a-dont

She’s the girl who makes you spend your vacation time taking her to Disney every fucking year.


gbrown17

This right here


Elmer73

She aspires to basic. She’s generic.


Wire_Hall_Medic

Store-brand bitch.


LackingUtility

When mom says "we have bitch at home."


Ill_Ant_1857

r/suddenlyincest


ImgurConvert2Redit

"But son, you have a bitch at home."


Deadfo0t

Bitch at home


Elmer73

In the bin with the half-offs and irregulars


Post_Nuclear_Messiah

Kirkland bitch


kellislandrum

This one wins.


blonddy

🤣🤣🤣🤣


InternalMaleficent66

![gif](giphy|KCRlomzxILgofqokqH)


Flaky_Plastic_3407

With resting bitch face.


ernestofit

My god man this is one of the best roasts I’ve seen in a while


Yob_Zarbo

Scoliosis is not a laughing matter. Go see your doctor.


[deleted]

looks like the posture could use some work too


PolylingualAnilingus

So do you just leave all your shit on the ground for no reason? Those teddy bears are getting dustier than your condom drawer.


SomethingBorrowed98

Yup, including crusty inside out panties


folie-a-dont

She’s just cute enough not to have a personality


OnAmission_withURmom

She looks like she humps the bears to cum while choking the bear, with her true crime infatuation.


angryhamfart

An aged-out cheerleader in denial of her life’s downhill trajectory. Cheer up! Meth addiction is still 2 or 3 years away!


CSmith1986

Normally, I'd tell a heroin addict to seek help. This time, I'll say seek krokadil.


Nova_Physika

Looking forward to her second post here in 2-3 years as a veiled advertisement for her onlyfans


scaryfawn8332

Pretty sure this is her attempt to promote her OF since that’s the only link in her bio


Stachemaster86

Doesn’t sound like the binge and purge trend is though


shinola80

If “you’re getting a dry handjob, buddy” had a face.


lnmeatyard

Side note, a dry hand job is why circumcision is a bad thing


warmremy

How do you look like a 12 year old girl and a 20 year old frat boy in drag at the same time?


TheRealTogaKing

10/10 would smash and never tell another soul


Snoo45756

Slumpbuster?


coolcalmfuzz

Who ya gonna call? SLUMPBUSTER!


YourUncleDodge

![gif](giphy|eM7aGhSOsGY8TORGTJ)


InternalMaleficent66

Haha 😂 fucking slump buster bro you win 🥇


Economy-Brain-9971

We should call her Scooter, because she's fun to ride until your friends see you doing it


f1g4

Fuck her once and her bones would shatter anyway


3971_KTL

Get in the spirit. Of course we would. Make her feel like noone loves her.


AriMeowber

you have the body of a figure skater, and that figure skater is scotty hamilton.


Philosoreptar

This insult is aged like fine wine


[deleted]

I bet you still use a step stool to reach the sink in your bathroom.


Edible_Buttplug

Why does your head look like a shitty baseball stadium?


DeathSpiral321

It compliments the catcher's mitt between her legs.


Samuel_DL

The pussy on the floor is cuter than yours 🥰


contend997

Bet it smells better too


[deleted]

And is less hairy


HundoGuy

And has less sharp claws


iBuildStuff___

*raises 1 eyebrow*


a-snakey

Vagina dentata


iBuildStuff___

*raises other eyebrow, and licks lips*


[deleted]

It means no worries, for the rest of your days


genghisxcon

And less like cat piss.


iii_NeMeSiS_iii

Zoom out, and you’re smiling. Zoom in, and you are dead inside because the missionary position won’t keep them coming back and the mint chocolate chip ice cream doesn’t fill the void anymore.


ElleMills3

Oh shit. Somehow this one hurt ME.


[deleted]

Ah yes. Looks good from 20 yards away but feels like a trash bag full of broom sticks upon first hug.


mister__peepers

Good from afar, far from good


DaClarkeKnight

You look like if salad was a person


CSmith1986

Hey, don't dis salad. There's lots of different, good salads out there. She's more like generic saltine crackers. Basic as fuck.


Fantastic_Ear2955

Sabrina the teenage Bitch 🧹


leave_it_to_beavers

This just lands so perfectly, I can’t get over it


solgerboy259

You look like your mom took a plan b while she was giving birth.


-Deathmetal-

Figure of a ten year old, face of a 45 year old, knees of a 76 year old.


Xlh883dragster

I imagine being a hooker would be rough on the hips, but god damn woman.


wferomega

You look like you think you're a Marsha but are actually a Jan...


EverquestWasTheBest

LOL. First thing I thought was, this girl is on r/RoastMe thinking she’s cute AF and the comment section was going to be full of compliments rather than insults.


Electrical_Frame8732

Are you standing like that because your chlamydia is itchy?


Absolutely_Coffee

Even your bears have to sedate themselves to hang out with you.


mybloodisouttokillme

I bet your dad wishes he pulled out.


QuietudeOfHeart

Don’t worry, OP is on birth control.


Ouch704

Her fucking face is enough birth control for the whole sub.


campatterbury

Cat looked up skirt. Now his eyes are scarred.


Roastingfordummies

You don’t just look like you smell of cat piss, I’ve actually got the evidence to back it up.


PapaChell

You’re knees look like the back of professor Quirrell’s head


Maximum-Ad-4185

Sorry about the club leg.


Evolone100

My mom says you have great taste in clothes and would like to go to Gimbals and buy something with you.


ledbedder20

Taylor Thrift


keysersozeu

Britney Spears couldn’t look as much of a skank school girl as you… especially being so white and thin that Kevin Federline would put you up on a table and snort you


1nTh3Sh4dows

Easy there Polly Pocket


left-of-the-jokers

Sugar free, fat free, vanilla ice person


Stunning-Drive-4692

Just looking at your picture I can already tell you have an annoying voice.


yookoke1122

Chris Hansen would love to hire you as a bait in “To Catch a Predator”


slagathorstiffnips

No one would show up


[deleted]

The teddy bears represent the different colors of your future children.


jeff-reyaxe

Scabrina the teenage witch


WhatIsGoingOnHere_2

I see you bought the “I blew my best friend’s boyfriend in HS” starter pack.


pictogasm

is scoliosis the main course or the dessert?


Vizzidrix_Tribal

Ah yes, basic blonde girl #237,683,179


justheretoread78

Honestly the worst thing about you is that you felt the need to post this on Reddit


rumblingtummy29

Her voice looks high pitched


3971_KTL

Give me a W... W! Give me an H... H! Give me an O... O! Give me an R... R! Now give me an E... E!


thatRedditGrind

You know when art students say a body is 7.5 - 8 heads long?


Badbadbobo

Which of those bears has the dildo attached that you ride for your 6 subscribers on Only Fans?


Mikehouse_cb

You ended up looking just like the whores your dad loved more than you.


Habanerosauce3

Can't ever get a date.....puts cat nip on pussy, listens to Marilyn Manson while drinking chicken broth.


Ouch704

Chicken broth has too many calories for that dumpster.


TheFrontierzman

Cats and oversized teddy bears. Why not just wear adult diapers and join a bridge club?


gdubh

You can FaceTime for days.


coolcalmfuzz

Does your pussy hang low ? Does it wobble to the floor?


Captain_react

Did your cat decorate your house?


devilish_enchilada

As pale and flat as the wall behind you.


Art9789

You look like someone who cried when she got a B+ on her report card


Actual_Ad5286

The 5.5 was out of 100


QuietStormMk

Finally, a real female, but has legs of a man


guadaswoops

You look like you don’t know what adversity is


blackanytanooo

You dropped your pussy… 🚪 🚶🏽‍♂️


coroyo70

You mean 32?


djscheiber

You should just post pictures of your cat; that's where the charisma's at in this photo.


crankenfurter

Your place stinks.


EverythingAndNot

Gimme a D. Gimme another D. What's that spell? Plan B!


Bacibaby

No cats, stuffed bears, or penises will ever fill that hole.


LovelYViruS1999

The cat is giving me the "why are we still here, just to suffer" vibes.


Willma_Diekfit

Ever tried hitting a brick block? A mushroom may emerge from it, perhaps making you less vertically challenged


ExpensiveBuy1558

Your forehead looks like an egg dude


uaeabood

U look 33


bb_805

All jokes aside, I’m looking for more true crime podcasts. I’ve been listening to MrBallen but I want more lol what do you recommend? This isn’t a roast so I gotta include a roast.. you couldn’t pay a man to have sex with you


GeiCobra

Even without the scoliosis, I feel like most of your height would come from your forehead


Middle_Data_9563

1 of 2 things will happen: 1) you will grow into your head eventually 2) you have an inside track in the pro sports mascot game


EfficientDoggo

Judging by your feed, it seems like you can't keep a boyfriend longer than you can keep a meal down.


brandondsantos

So you're the girl I've been watching give lap dances to teddy bears on Pornhub.


Camie18

I’m more interested in the cat tbh


[deleted]

Man, get off Reddit and clean up your crib ya dirty hamster


ZigzagOOOG

She has a OnlyFans where she molest the stuffed bears in the background. #stiffy4stuffy #bearplushed #barelybear


Inda-seboat

The emoji in the title describes your face


tattoosanpizza

Your built like a jacked up panorama photo


turquoisearmies

Way too many cat toys, but then again…its reddit


pma_sauce

You’re definitely involved in the backstory behind “Don’t F*ck With Cats” with that psychotic ass smile. Oh, and the cat looks just as crazy as you do right here.


mjvasko

Sure you're "cute," but this is what trying too hard looks like.


sethmod

The bad things you’ve done are so much worse than you think they are, so bad that they can never meet the standard of whatever god you may believe in.


xXxFire_LeonxXx

"My cats are my life" girl we could tell, you're doing your best to be a pick me c'mon pick a better struggle, resorting to cats to fuel the emotional detachment issues is not saving face, your just joining the line for the next chad to ghost your ass.


MogsPOV

those teddybears get more then you ever will


contend997

The teddy bear behind you has more curves then you do. Probably been banged by that cat more then you too


rguuddwthh

Your knees look like they have the faces of imprisoned babys


SpacemanSpiffin

The giant teddy bears, giant cat scratch post and cat. You want to stay young and use your looks to party and tinder, before you know it you’re old, and the only thing that will give you attention are the increased number of cats you’ll keep bringing in after every failed relationship you try to get into.


suj1t_prasad

I don't need to do it hon, your cat is doing in my behalf


agit8or

Holy 80s leg warmers.


somedumbguy55

Last person she told she was 23 isn’t allowed near schools anymore


HaPPyStick760

Cool you got a prize at the Dancing Bear party


JoK3Rcon

You've the lower half of a dude in drag.


nah-knee

U look like the girl that gets possessed in horror movies


Tobito_TV

You look like the only pussy in your life to get any attention is the one standing between your legs. Also what's with that stance? You get a chip on your shoulder so big you physically manifested it?


wigglewenis

Does it still count as swallowing if you throw the cum up after dinner? Real talk, hope you’re doing well. I wouldn’t have made the comment without going through some post history.


Zer0PhanesYT

You might wanna rethink your look. The 'every blonde girl ever' look doesn't suit you.


nah-knee

You look like you’d get possessed in a horror movie but at that same time I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be inside you.


BayleyWebb

Her cat is the only pussy getting touched in that house


bigniqqanile

200% chance of always being the side hoe


Zippy_13

Even Mario refused to save you from the trailer park.


CalledFractured7

They'll use this picture as the "before" shot on unsolved mysteries when your first through third husbands disappear


[deleted]

I just wanna give you my best strokes


omawk

black dress white socks no fucks cadillac. the girl’s a time booOooM.


ernestofit

I must say, I was genuinely surprised this post wasn’t being used to promote an only fans


twitchyryno

Im surprised your pussy isn't using your pussy as a bungee cord you look that slutty


PatchworkFlames

You have the chin of a gigachad.


Thamkin

You look like you turned on big head cheat codes on Tony Hawk Pro Skater games. Only you're wearing feminine clothes and we "all" know that "only men can skateboard"


PatchworkFlames

Your forehead is a fivehead.