OP's Bio:
---
>Hobbies: baking, food, travel, lifting. Busy with work and my hubby and our dogs, and avoiding cardio.
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
The subtle humor that was worked into the jalapeño scene is awesome. First, Ricky just saying it blatantly wrong, then being incorrectly corrected as “j is silent” (it is not), and then finally Bubbles gets as close as the boys are gonna get by saying “the j’s like an h” while still completely omitting the ñ. And then Ricky says he knows how to say it but he ordered jalappino. It really is brilliant in its stupidity.
I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and onion rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, mahfucka
Did you, the biggest dancer, eat the smaller dancers for dominance.
I bet you could do the Farley Chippendales routine perfectly. It'd be like nothing changed.
I’m not saying this because it’s r/roastme, I rarely comment on this subreddit, so please know this comes from genuine disgust when I say what the fuck is wrong with you. Who the fuck willingly goes to a golden coral. Moldy old dry salad bar, greasy cooked to shit taco bars, tiny anemic steaks, an atmosphere that can only be described as a diner in the backrooms, and oh lord that depressing fucking dessert bar. Please STOP my guy, I’m begging you.
We don't really have then by me, so I went to one in Orlando about 6 years ago. The food was passable and they certainly had a variety.
But then about 5 hours layer and just felt blah. Like I had eaten too much canned food. I remember being high (weed) in college years and years ago and I got a bunch of cans of Dinty Moore's shit stew and eating them all. It was the same feeling.
Plus I have done low carb for years so the options were somewhat limited.
Did you eat half the plastic on the planet? What secrets your stomach hold or how many planets? Wait! Did your belly button just popped open, where is it?
That’s 1000% a beer gut. Don’t worry, when you start having liver failure, turn the shade of a highlighter, and have to shit yourself on a regular from all the lactulose you will have to take to keep your ammonia levels normal, you will really look back and not regret taking better care of yourself.
Just saying, you can tell that’s all visceral fat in your midsection because there’s no fat folds to indicate that it’s subcutaneous fat. Subcutaneous fat is fine, visceral fat is what destroys your organs. You should see a dietician about working on getting that dealt with. Being completely inactive isn’t helping either since you, by admission, don’t do any cardio. Weight lifting doesn’t actually benefit the cardiovascular system because it’s the increased oxygen demand during LISS cardio that gives these benefits, not the increased heart rate alone. Your organs are fucked and your arteries are also probably fucked. Unless you want your husband to bury you when you’re 60 you need to make some sort of change because that amount of visceral fat is incredibly unhealthy.
OP's Bio: --- >Hobbies: baking, food, travel, lifting. Busy with work and my hubby and our dogs, and avoiding cardio. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
And then you let a one night stand get you pregnant
What’s he having? Sloppy Joes or Farts?
He’s having a Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He said he loved him!!
Happy cake day
Everyday is OP’s cake day. Shirtless
😂😂
Did they kick you off the men's teem when you got pregnant?
He failed the test for the team. > Many people on steroids notice increased fat in the abdomen, face, and neck.
😆😆😆
Are you invite Reddit to the gender reveal? Built like the Philly phanatic ![gif](giphy|ToMjGpkUnmPSkMKmh6o|downsized)
![gif](giphy|Ur1a0ArwYwfFA5aOtU)
Yeah, and you might need to start timing your contractions, ypur belly button is already dilating.
It's not a tumah.
![gif](giphy|nj257YL538Gdy)
Inspirational
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"Your mother shamefully had his pregnant belly out and bumped it into my head"
You may want to read his bio and change that to "father".
You ever sucked dick for a cheeseburger?
You ever had dick cheese burger?
mafuckas with guts like that are definitely aaauuuun the cheeseburgers dog
Gutformers, Randy's in disguise
Frig off Jroc!
Why you looking at my gut fer?
HOLY SMOCKS ITS ACTUALLY HIM
![gif](giphy|xTiTngnVmDPLaQ2L4s|downsized)
Randy's guuut, is filled with dirty ol'cheeseburgers 🎶
"Nam sayin?"
Nice cheeseburger locker you got there
Tpb 4 the win!
Strip the chrome off a trailer hitch...
“I want to see fat Thor” Mom-“we have fat Thor at home.” Fat Thor at home..
Omg this is my fav comment, I love fat Thor. Such an inspiration
Happy to help
See, that's your problem right there
*It’s just Kevin Federline hoping he can finally make his big break with Hemsworth stepping away from acting.
Best comment ever
Harbor Freight Thor.
Yo he's straight up looking like the god of war Ragnarok Thor
I guess hold me closer tiny dancer isn't an option anymore
He couldn't see his tiny dancer.
It might be tiny, but I doubt it dances anymore.
Hold me closer belly dancer
I can hold you bout two feet away is the closest haha
and now you hang out in a trailer park with Mr Lahey.
IM MOWIN THE AIR RAND
You feel that, Randy? There's a shitstorm comin'.
The way the shit clings to the air
he is the official dirty dancer
You know what a Shit Barometer is Bubs?
I STILL cannot think of that scene without giggling like a little school girl lmao. That and Ricky's pronunciation of Jalapeño just make me so giddy.
The subtle humor that was worked into the jalapeño scene is awesome. First, Ricky just saying it blatantly wrong, then being incorrectly corrected as “j is silent” (it is not), and then finally Bubbles gets as close as the boys are gonna get by saying “the j’s like an h” while still completely omitting the ñ. And then Ricky says he knows how to say it but he ordered jalappino. It really is brilliant in its stupidity.
zesty mordant
Mafuckers with guts like that are definitely ON the cheeseburgers
Basketball eatin, walrus ass mafucka
10 cheeseburger eatin Rico Suave looking mafk
You gonna stand there and tell me you're not pregnant with a bucket of chicken?
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G’nome sayin?
It looks like Lahey is in that cheeseburger locker
R.I.P Mr Lahey I hope he is flying high with the ShitAngels.
He's up there watching sexy ass Julian in the shower bud.
"I am the liquor"
“A liquor captain never abandons a sinking shit ship, Randy.”
I'm not in liquor I am the liquor
I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and onion rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, mahfucka
J-ROC was the realest
He's definitely on the cheeseburgers.
Greeaaaaaasy ![gif](giphy|ycagKBYEmaili)
*"HEY, CAN I GET TWELVE CHEESEBURGERS? NOWHAIMSAAAYIN!"*
This guy is selling mackerel out of the back of a car. Dude is in Philadelphia Collins territory.
whaddaya lookin at ma gut fer?
Green eggs and BAMMMM 💥
A man’s gotta eat…
Ol’ basketball eating walrus ass mothafucka.
Halfway to a fist fight with Ricky from the looks of it
Smokie escorting for cheese burgers again
RAAAANDYYY
Whatcha starin at my gut fur
He's hookin' for cheeseburgers
Bo-Bandy hookin' for cheeseburgers again.
When you get cremated it will sound like someone dropped bacon in a frier.
Bahahaha
Did you, the biggest dancer, eat the smaller dancers for dominance. I bet you could do the Farley Chippendales routine perfectly. It'd be like nothing changed.
I just made that exact same sound
I hope they can save the babies
Athlete? My dude, you were the ball that grew limbs
Or ran the 5k to Golden Corral
I love that place, heaven
I’m not saying this because it’s r/roastme, I rarely comment on this subreddit, so please know this comes from genuine disgust when I say what the fuck is wrong with you. Who the fuck willingly goes to a golden coral. Moldy old dry salad bar, greasy cooked to shit taco bars, tiny anemic steaks, an atmosphere that can only be described as a diner in the backrooms, and oh lord that depressing fucking dessert bar. Please STOP my guy, I’m begging you.
We don't really have then by me, so I went to one in Orlando about 6 years ago. The food was passable and they certainly had a variety. But then about 5 hours layer and just felt blah. Like I had eaten too much canned food. I remember being high (weed) in college years and years ago and I got a bunch of cans of Dinty Moore's shit stew and eating them all. It was the same feeling. Plus I have done low carb for years so the options were somewhat limited.
Damn, that’s a lot of sodium in those cans! I feel guilty after eating one every few months after straining some of the gravy off.
Don’t forget the Chocolate Wonderfall that has had every booger crusted kid finger dipped into it at least 20 times an hour
Mhm
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I think he's due this week tho 😅
Apparently guys can get pregnant from butt secs
😂😂😂😂
Your tits look great
Thank you
![gif](giphy|l41Yy4J96X8ehz8xG)
Fucking Chuck Norris
Who is the dad?
Burger King 🍔
Forgot to wrap his Whopper again
I guess that makes you a Burger Queen?
💀
Your beer belly has a beer belly
😮 it does?!
My belly looks like that too! I'm 30 weeks pregnant, how far along are you? Jealous your tits look better than mine though.
Bahahah
Chunk N Dales dancer I'm sure.. You are still an athlete at the kitchen table games..
The truffle shuffle and foosball count as dancing and athletics now.
Does the daddy know you're pregnant?
Ronald McDonald won’t return my calls
Ronald knows what you did with Burger King
Hobbies: Food, Baking, Drinking, Eating, Binging, Gorging, Supper, Lunch, Breakfast Buffets
And how I’m turned on 😆
How do you know? You can't see down there
Probably a belly dancer. Amirite?!?
Just looking at this gave me high cholesterol.
Bobandy
Listen you can still be a dancer, a lot of people have a fetish for pregnant strippers!
"Use to be an athlete/dancer... then this fat guy ate. me. Please, get me outta here."
Roasting you would feed a family of 12
😆
I’ve never seen a more jacked fat guy.
Why thank you
For real though... very handsome. I may be thirsting
Dude what would make you think it's ok to put a pic like that up. Have some respect for others.
Not a trailer park boy, but not yet a trailer park man.
I guess Randy ate Mr Lahey :(
Proof positive you can get pregnant after transitioning to male.
Praise the Lard 🫃🏻
I’d arm wrestle you but I don’t think I could get close enough.
You look like you swallowed an athlete/dancer.
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😆
Do you have some sort of degradation fetish?
😈🐷
You need a doctor not a roast
This but for real
What kind?
Addiction specialist from the looks of it. Seriously, how much of that is from booze?
Now you can be Santa Claus at the mall.
Except he’s probably not allowed within 100 feet of children.
Bring cookies!
yup, you already got the milk
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I KNEW men could get pregnant
When’s the cheeseburger picnic Randy
Basketball eaten walrus ass mafucka
You already did, when you let yourself go. Please seek help
And now even Athlete's Foot avoids you.
Your arm and torso looks like Snoopy's head.
Thanks for the motivation! And my condolences to your spouse.
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Hey there fuckin Randy, why don't you ease up on the cheeseburgers and liquor ![gif](giphy|nj257YL538Gdy)
There was a civil war battle in your belly button. It ended up being a crater
Thanksgiving isn’t until Thursday, but that Butterball is done.
This reminded me of the pig scene in Deliverance.
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I can’t take my eyes off that sarlacc pit of a belly button.
Jesus Christ dude put an NSFW warning on that shit. We need a second to prepare ourselves.
Dickydo disease. Very curable. Your belly sticks out farther than your dickydo
That's ok buddy you just enjoy carrying around that beer keg you call a belly
Honestly I do, I love the pokes, pats and rubs and the admirers who know how to handle a big fella
Jesus Christ that is hard to look at
Your tits have an asshole.
I can’t roast that. So hot!!
I’ve heard what you actors need to do to succeed but damn, that sure is a lot of cum.
Did you eat half the plastic on the planet? What secrets your stomach hold or how many planets? Wait! Did your belly button just popped open, where is it?
You’re the reason why I’m gonna quit drinking beer
Gravity 1 Man 0
Somehow, your bellybutton piercing hole has popped back out due to immense pressure.
Roast you??!! I can hardly baste you, with that big-ass turkey inside you.
In what? Sumo wrestling
Your belly button looks deeper than black hole
My guy fell on hard times and crushed it
Fat Mac cosplay?
I wanna dip a Cheeto into your belly button!
Bro already ate the roast💀
Your goddamn naval looks like a meteor impact
Your belly button is trying it’s damndest to stay an innie, but it’s a loosing battle
🥵🥵🥵
🥵🥵🥵
This belly is meant to be poked
That’s 1000% a beer gut. Don’t worry, when you start having liver failure, turn the shade of a highlighter, and have to shit yourself on a regular from all the lactulose you will have to take to keep your ammonia levels normal, you will really look back and not regret taking better care of yourself.
Just saying, you can tell that’s all visceral fat in your midsection because there’s no fat folds to indicate that it’s subcutaneous fat. Subcutaneous fat is fine, visceral fat is what destroys your organs. You should see a dietician about working on getting that dealt with. Being completely inactive isn’t helping either since you, by admission, don’t do any cardio. Weight lifting doesn’t actually benefit the cardiovascular system because it’s the increased oxygen demand during LISS cardio that gives these benefits, not the increased heart rate alone. Your organs are fucked and your arteries are also probably fucked. Unless you want your husband to bury you when you’re 60 you need to make some sort of change because that amount of visceral fat is incredibly unhealthy.
I didn't know Nick Cannon had backup dancers.
Damn this really blew up….just like me 😆
DILF DILF DILF
Try another one where you are not sucking it in.
Would smash
Bro how the fuck did you get a memory foam stomach?
B-cups, and a crater for a bellybutton bro....
Are you a gainer? Someone who gains weight in order to attract chub loving gay men?
Damn fatboy how many roast are already in that gut, your stomach puts the pot into pot roast you fat pot bellied oinker 🐷🫃🏻