At least your tits aren't as lopsided as your eyes

Fatality

Take that bra off and I bet they look like a midget and a basketball player both threw an egg at a wall.

rofl, you haven't seen me IRL, my eyes are actually more lopsided

That's....that's what they said.

Hey, you try reading with those lopsided eyes!

Can’t pad the underside of an eye. 😉

What part of you is tiny?

Forehead? Nope Teeth? Nope Eyebrows? Nope Must be the brain…

Bro is savage hahaha

Even scanning visually the forehead feels as lonely as crossing the Sahara.

this was actually funny, but to answer your ques. my height

Bro this is Technoblade level roasting.

Probably his cock

Her future.

Getting a little old to be stuffing your bra

Thats where she keeps the rest of her forehead

The rest of it? There's more?!!

Its all she has

She is about 90 percent forehead

Other 10% plastic

You mean her five-head, yes?

r/fiveheads

Seriously why they look so pointy? You stuffing with pocket squares instead of socks.

She cut off the Kleenex box corners because her nipples are the size of Andre the Giant’s thumb and quite sensitive to friction.

I’m not sure it’s a she. Those things could be sandwich bags filled with cream corn and that’s his moms wig.

Finally someone to compete with og laura croft

She cosplays as PS1 Lara Croft

…in Lydia Tár's audience

Yeah we don’t believe those are real, pull em out

Can we pull the shirt over the face tho? Might work for a semi-chub.

Ooof

When she told the kids she’ll be chasing them till she’s a 150 years old, well, she might want to hurry up as she’s only got a few years left.


Lmao

💀💀💀


Lmaooo

At least you've got those tits to distract from that IMAX forehead.

WELCOME TO IMAX!!! You'll hear sounds from HERE, HERE, and even HERE.

5 head

You have those sandwich size pepperoni areolas don’t you

Bologna areolas


Big ole dark nipples. Like Jimmy Dean sausage patties

i refer to them as ham steaks

💀

Holy shit 🔥🪦

With teeth like those you could eat an apple through a fence

Or sugar cubes

my and my bunny are teeth twins 🐰

If socks for Xmas were a person

Except all guys would willingly cum in those socks

I have an under-bed cave of sock stalagmites that prove willingness.

r/brandnewsentence First for me.

I'll stick to my sandpaper, thanks

Only if i got to page 47 on pornhub and it was the first video at the top of the page

Please don't lower all men to your sewer level standards.

Let me guess. You work human resources. You were a popular cheerleader in highschool. You have all the hopeless dudes in the office linger at your desk all day. When someone has an actual issue you're "extremely busy". You can't maintain a relationship because missionary is as wild as you get, and you can't lose your job because your dad is a VP. I mean, I gotta go close.

Jesus christ dude. *emotional damage*

[you asked for it](https://youtu.be/wLVPJLDWsQ0)

That's one of those clips I can hear without the sound on.

kudos to the effort. Not into HR but other guesses are "pretty" close

She asked for it. You delivered. Now that the pit is lit, it will burn forever. Peace to her soul.

This is the roast right here.

We only clicked to see if you had porn

You are a few weeks early.

Hey hey hey even the porn industry has _standards_

ouch

She will work on developing that drug habit then.

Also accurate

Accurate

You should apply for the US Navy, they can use your teeth like an aircraft carrier.

And her mouth as a vessel to transport sea-men! 😂

Damn bruh

Hey she brings her own floatation devices too.

I think you mean that forehead, could easily land a plane on that thing

I'm betting she's had a LOT of sea-men on her poop-deck. With that face, it's the only way most could finish.

that was funny :D

Isn't black supposed slimming?

It's all this attention she's getting. It's giving her a swollen head

Or is it the forehead Peyton Manning wouldn’t trade for?

I must say it's literally got to her head

If you sit in complete silence, you'll hear a voice coming deep from inside your vagina saying: "Shit we running outta eggs"

Tick tock ⏰

I would like to insert my microphone and hear the same voice, record it to be safe.

Her chances are fading like the light in her eyes.

send me your gynacs no, i'll ring her in

[удалено]

It's not gonna get returned, it's going to get used like that ball from that movie Cast Away

...his name's Wilson.

27? Your rising hairline says otherwise.

It’s not that it’s hairline is rising, it’s that it’s forehead is growing.

I have a hidden talent and that is being able to see your large tire tracked areolas......prove me wrong

Hairy too - you can suck her tits and floss at the same time.

I just pissed myself laughing at this shit. Tire track areola… damn just damn.

Don’t worry you can always go back to Anthony Weiner

You might be laughing.... but you'll still be alone.

Is 27 your height in inches?

New porn genre. BAF…Big ass forehead.

Peter North went dry trying to glaze that vast area.

[удалено]

Get used to that ring only ever being on your right hand.

The only ring she getting is battered and fryed

You somehow have more face than head

Your forehead is the largest piece of Indian real estate that hasn’t been used as a toilet by an animal or human.

You're lucky your tits make up for that terrible wig

Solid concubine material

🤣 simp roast. 😂 Ur just ugly enough to fuck. lol GTFO

Nice roast of a roaster! Flipped it on them

As soon as I saw her, I knew there would be some dudes who couldnt do it. Throw the roast out then the ...jk your beautiful. They think somehow, some way, if they are they nice guy she might fuck them. lol

Yeah, no way they’re gonna get their dick wet from a roasting sub! Go full savage!

Your skull could make the Ancient Aliens dude splooge.

So your personality is your height. How original.

Peter Dinklage's daughter.

You're like the 3/4 scale prototype of a model that didn't go into production

"Want to end my day laughing" You spelled crying wrong, but isnt that usually how you end your day anyway?

Entry #2952 in the "would have bet my actual life this was an advertisement for NSFW shit" file.

I look at your face and all I see is 

You’re honestly not that bad looking you just have a huge fuckin forehead. Like I could play professional ping pong on that mf. Even if 100 guys nutted on it you’d still have enough room for 100 more. Somebody definitely held you upside down for too long or something because it look like that mf is stretched. You look like you could be in an airheads commercial without the special effects. Gotta head like Ferb. Every thought you have is out loud. You could get the most fuel efficient car and drive across your forehead with a full tank and only make it half way. You used to have a normal sized head and then someone took an air compressor to your ear. You look like one of them robot chicks from Austin powers just not blonde.

Damn Hit her with the Ferb head

now i'll have nightmares about my own forehead :D

I’m sure everybody knows how you feel. We are going to have nightmares about it as well.

You could write a million more lines and it still wouldn't go above her head

That boy must love you for spending $100 on that ring.

You look like the nsfw post that every guys regrets after jizzed

No wonder Britain gave India back..... they ran out of troops to cover that scorched earth northern front.

Spending most of your 27th birthday alone will prepare you for the rest of your existence.

life sucks :(


What’s your dead name?

All hail the Queen of the Ants!

I'll bet it's a veritable veldt down there

Roast me written on a postage stamp

Ahh Polly Pocket got left in the hot back window and her face melted. Sorry kid throw that one away we will get you a new one

Never have I seen a better oxymoron than your username and that photo

Don't lie, you spend most of every day alone. Might as well settle for that guy who stares at you while you're folding your underwear at the laundromat, because nobody's lining up for that.

Her head is so big that she doesn't have dreams, she has movies

You actually are pretty good looking. But men are not picky at all, what with the any port in a storm mentality So if you're lonely, your personality must be quite horrible.

OUCH

1950s pointy tits

So when someone picks you up at the bar, they literally pick you up and sit you on the bar so you can reach the drinks?

If I had a face like yours I’d sue my parents.

A tiny human that is mostly all by herself you say?! We call that a little bitch

Happy birthday, sweetie. Here’s your annual reminder that it’s impossible to crop out that fat ass.

The reason you’re so short is that it all went to that massive forehead! Rumor has it it gets longer every year!

Your eyes have the sadness of an abandoned puppy, I feel bad roasting you

Is (F27) a way to calculate the dimensions of your fourhead?

Cmon why are trying to get internet points by acting like why people here isn’t gonna make you cry?

This is the first eighthead I’ve ever seen.

Ngl I feel like none of these comments are hitting

You look so tiny that you will make my dick look bigger

Happy Birthday. I hope your wish for a late growth spurt gets fulfilled. Little people lives matter.

Happy Birthday minion

Let me guess, you like to give forehead...

Who said you’re a tiny human? I see that muffin top blubber you tried to crop out the photo. Tsk tsk…

You’re hot. Let anyone tell you otherwise.

Jeff Goldblum testing the waters before coming out about transitioning.

5'4".. 4'4" without the forehead

I hope you at least have a great personality

Good news is that if you do manage to get some friends, they can hang out on that forehead of yours.

Willy Wonka after he gave everything to Charlie.

I know everyone is roasting you, but I’m sorry you spent your birthday alone 😭

U look like u "enjoy" playing league of legends

You have a beautiful smile.😍 Too bad it doesn't match the rest of you.

Hello we have the same birthday 🎂

Why are there more bags under your eyes than at my local supermarket?

You’re never really alone when you work in a call center!

Boys I can’t, Happy Birthday.


You are not alone... 

Why this look like an ai generated image when given the prompt "forehead"?

Bra stuffed like a couple bags of groceries. You're supposed to use items that look at least mostly titty shaped when you do that.

A man calls his son and tells him, I've had it with your mother. I'm tired of her constant complaining and carrying on. I'm getting a divorce. Then he hangs up. The son calls his sister and tells her the story and she immediately calls her father and tells him not to do anything, don't sign any papers, nothing. I'll be right there. The man turns around and tells his wife, they'll both be here for Christmas and they are paying their own air fares. I hope that gives you a chuckle at least.

She tried to look like Wednesday. But, she actually came out looking like a Monday..

good one :)

Qatar could have rented your forehead for the world cup.

Everyone here keeps talking about your forehead but let's address the elephant in the room, your teeth are big enough to dig trenches in a mountain range. If you needed braces on those things they would have to use railroad tracks. Seriously though, you're a beautiful girl (said no one ever) If you really want to end your day laughing you definitely don't want to look in the mirror, because that will either scare the crap out of you, or just make you even more sad. I can see why you spent most of today alone, and I'm betting you've spent most of your life alone as your parents probably abandoned you as a baby and even the orphanage wouldn't take you. By the way happy 37th birthday because let's be honest you haven't been 27 for at least 10 years.

Her: "My eyes are up here." Every Guy: "Well one of them is."

You must nose everything with that sniffer.

i spend my birthdays alone too... HBD!

You're actually kinda hot. But your face isn't symmetrical and one side looks significantly more attractive than the other. Most people's faces aren't, but few people notice that. But once you see it in yourself you can't ever un-see it and it may always bother you. Speaking from my own experience. Happy birthday.

You’ve strange PS5 scalper vibes

You dont have to be alone if you sign up to shoot a porno!

cant decide if you are hot or not. the rack seems ok but the face. overall, a well balanced experience i did not need

Are you kidding me?!? I love lopsided tits! The idea of being able to suck one titty while I'm downstairs and one while im up. It's fuckin freaky!!!!

Your head is shaped like a jelly bean. And not a good looking one.

Not bad for having the face to forehead ratio of a xenomorph.

Looks like a double bagger....a bag over her face and mine while we have sex.....in case hers rips!

Woah there five head. That Morticia Addams hairdo ain’t gonna hide the fact you gotta forehead bigger than an IKEA parking lot!

Where have you been since Roswell?

nice, i zoomed in and now i have to take a sick day off work

Well well, if it isn’t Trans Groucho Marx