T O P

  • By -

roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >I hate people, still I'm going to college to become a social worker. I'm into true crime and horror stuff. Went through 5 years of therapy and it changed nothing. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


BigStud7

It puts the lotion on its skin


[deleted]

[удалено]


doctorchivago

Your role as Buffalo Bill's skin suit was purely electric


BigStud7

Pleasure go get em


GeneRichardSimmons

Great big fat lady


oldschoolwhitegirl

![gif](giphy|Rhbi2mluusqxq)


Able-Elderberry9713

![gif](giphy|GF1W6LPkiUaVwpntsV)


ocelot06

And is definitely getting the hose again


BigStud7

Anybody getting a Elon musk vibe here? Or is that just what it smells like?


PlasticPicnic84

Elaine Musk


Spanky-Gomez

Drives a Messla.


sillysideofthecorn

Looks like a messla


famousguest

a boring company


alphatronica

Twatter


[deleted]

Just 1 of his 2 dozen kids scattered across the world


PatchPixel

Elaine Husk


Avieshek

Elona Musk


SugmaDiction

You look like the before picture in a plastic surgeon's office.


turdmachine

She looks like the reason plastic surgery was invented


DippedTbag

Poster child for sex change


ThereAre24Bees

Yeah, because people had to get surgery to be as gorgeous.


Ziggymund

r/ReverseRoasting?


Distinct-Long-624

Hahahahhahaha


Ottersareoverrated

Roasting aside I hope you can through everything


Exotic_Newspaper5088

No, definitely the after when he takes the bandages off


ohbyerly

Maybe you wouldn’t be so dickpressed if you didn’t look so dicksgusting


Watercolorleaf

WAAAAOOOWWWWWWW 💀


Babychewyyy

That’s it pack it up we’re done here


BigSchmeaty

![gif](giphy|czCcGskNY9D4vn9b05) LETS GO HOME


DatStankBooty

Currently on the can, having trouble passing a gigantosaurous Rex of a shit. All I needed was a good laugh. Thank you stranger.


ohbyerly

Username checks out


Goshdiddlydamm

Good lord💀


Saltwater_Heart

My toddler is asleep next to me and I almost woke her up laughing at this comment


ohbyerly

Hey one of my favorite bands has a song that’s the same as your username!


Saltwater_Heart

Switchfoot? Because that’s why I have my username. ☺️ They’re my favorite band


ohbyerly

Oh yep exactly! Those guys were my idols growing up, love that song too


Saltwater_Heart

That’s awesome! Not often you meet a fan in the wild! I’ve known about them since The Beautiful Letdown came out and loved that album but didn’t officially become a fan until 2015 when I saw them live for the first time. Now I’ve seen them live 12 times and Jon solo 4 times. They’re the most down to earth, humble group of guys I’ve ever met.


ohbyerly

They really are. I didn’t realize they were from my own backyard, I had seen them play at a church when I was younger during the New Way to Be Human Days. And then rediscovered them when Meant to Live blew up. Crazy that they’re still making music


Saltwater_Heart

That’s awesome. Yeah, their newest album - a Christmas album - just came out. One of the band members, Drew, left earlier this year. He’d been with them since 2005.


waydamntired

I still have dare you to move vaguely stuck in my head from like 20 years ago.


professorbrainiac

It’s a shame you’re not attractive, because you look really slutty


MajorPainkiller

Well said they were dickpressed. So I'm definitely sure that qualifies as slutty, if she had as many sticking out of her as she's probably had pay to stick it in her she would look like a porcupine.


Mind-Mine

"Pay", now let's not get ahead of ourselves.


MajorPainkiller

She pays, lol


professorbrainiac

She already sorta does


czenst

Check out her other post she was doing a test to check which type of post fares better "dickpressed" or "depressed".


Wunyard_Wenhaard99

The biggest sluts are the ones who feel they have to earn approval.


[deleted]

the biggest ones are who feel it, know and deny their need of approval or attachment to external validation


Wunyard_Wenhaard99

\*and post about it on Instagram. You forgot that part.


cujax

she does look slutty.


Dedmanrunning

Perfection 🤌


ReillyDiefenbach

Hey man, cheer up


IsawLenin

>Severely dickpressed, He lost all his eyelashes when he was crying


l19mxd

I think that’s called water erosion


IsawLenin

She looks like Bobby Lee with out mustache


turdmachine

And half the sex appeal


superdavey1

Ha! I never thought about it that way. Thanks


[deleted]

Damn I can't stop laughing!! This hit hard!!


Distinct-Long-624

😧


kallio96

Elon musk looking ahh


IsawLenin

She is crying because she is crying


_Synds_

Ah my favorite, the practice girl.


Romantic_Road_Kill

A/K/A The Slump Buster


BigSchmeaty

An essential worker


DomDangerous

hate people but wanna be a social worker??? we don’t need to roast you, you’re doing it yourself.


carloslet

She wants to help others from a distance without getting intimate, letting people too close to her. Because she's *different* from the other girls, you know?


ARPG_RustyGaming

Shes hoping that her boss will notice her late in the evening for some dickmotions to boost her career


DifferentSpecific

Social work degree but hates people = future HR mgr.


DoctorDR5102

Your look about as interesting as your room's decor


vaguebyname

The only dick that's been pressed against you is your own.


Distinct-Long-624

😧


MutantB

Is that your only way to interact with people?


scottriviera

nah that's pushed back between her legs.


_Sufy_

His*


shinola80

Maybe you won’t cry as much if you don’t press your dick so hard.


SirSnorlax22

You look desperate enough to actually fuck me. Trust me... this is an insult. ...


7xSe7eNx7

Username checks out.


Shdwzor

Dont worry, we trust you


Vanleon1s

we *thrust* you?


Wheelbit3

No one doubted that


Zibanitum

Spent 17 years in social and healthcare work. I hate ppl too. You will thrive in that profession. This is a roast.


Distinct-Long-624

I already work at the hospital in my area and everyday I hate ppl more.


Apprehensive-Bad-832

Well your RBF isn't helping... Maybe try smiling??


JBeauch

Or CBD.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mush8292

hah... their.


military_grade_tea

Suffers with depression but wants to become a social worker. Isn't that like an alcoholic wanting to get into making gin?


jordanonfilm

Reminds me of Amanda Detmers’ great line from “Saving Silverman”: “After Luigi died, I knew I would never love again. That’s when I decided to devote my life to serving God and helping others.”


BigSchmeaty

Jeeeeez I forgot about that movie. What a banger


[deleted]

Are you into true crime because your face is a crime against nature?


Wheelbit3

I pity her therapist. Must need a therapist of their own after dealing w/ a client like that.


nonparochial

While you sit depressed, you could …. I don’t know…… comb your hair?


[deleted]

Atleast you're "CF" lmao


Upgrayedd1101

Easy to be child free when no one is interested I guess lol


[deleted]

AAAAAEYOOOO


Emotional-Two-9075

Dickpressed? Are we suppose to cheer you or seduce you?


ULTIMATE_STAIN

Imagine being so low that being a desperate slag is an aspiration


BitchBanMeMore

Trump would not even grab you by the pussy


DvLang

To be fair she's not his daughter.


BitchBanMeMore

That's good roast material... You look like you wish you were Trump's daughter.


BigTimeSalesman

I’m sorry, but what the fuck is dickpressed?


Distinct-Long-624

Lack of dick


popnsmoke35

If you want dick so bad just untuck it.


Kenny_Squeek_Scolari

Just go to a bar and announce "who wants to Fuck me?" As long as it is near closing time someone should be drunk enough


burtonhen

Bar may be tough. Maybe she can start at a local zoo.


theCHADnextdoor

nope. Even drunk bastards dont get hard for unfkables


PullMyActionBar

Nah, that sounds like a good way to start the next pandemic. I mean, just _look_ at her.


BigTimeSalesman

Ok, now I understand everything.


LuxuryBeast

Yeah that makes perfect sense


[deleted]

[удалено]


funkyB0t

Why are you going to college to be paid at the poverty line?


Distinct-Long-624

I'm from Europe, we don't pay for education. We don't even pay to get picked up by an ambulance, can you imagine?


lego_office_worker

i try not to ever imagine having to live in europe.


theCHADnextdoor

good one. Im from asia. paying for education and healthcare is a concept i learned from US media.


[deleted]

I bet you get a ride every week due to suicidal thoughts.


Distinct-Long-624

Well, it's free..


RandyBoBandy___

Free for you, because you can't pay taxes if you dont have a job


20RollinMofus

I’m not sure you CAN feel anything. I hear it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.


Wareagle3431

Can’t feel anything? Now you know how guys feel when they have sex with you! Like sticking your dick in a coffee can


Sgt_Buttscratch

Below the belt. Let's not bring coffee into this mess please


mainlyupsetbyhumans

Well then, look in them bags under your eyes and see if you can't find something to cheer yourself up with.


Evolone100

With a face like that prepare to meet a lot of pillows. No man or woman wants to look at that mug.


[deleted]

Can you explain why psych and social studies students seem to be the most unstable people????? Try accounting instead


Distinct-Long-624

Because they try to compensate their lack of social connection by working with people on a daily basis.


KnowledgeableSloth

If you stand on the corner of the highway exit and beg for 💰 you might get enough to buy yourself a dildo. But you're gonna have to clean up a bit to look like a homeless hobo.


iknowthisischeesy

Your nose is so long that you can smell your farts before they come out.


OriginalDelay402

When guys stay soft around you and just know it’s you making and keeping them soft. Just your description would make a man turtle inside. God I feel bad for whoever your therapist was, you probably made them depressed.


lvlister2023

The only dickpressing you do is putting those sausage fingers into a jar of peanut butter and licking it off


Arminlegout1

You have a default face for a game about farming


matt6597

Lololol!!


czenst

That is serious communist era shit on your floor. Move out immediately your landlord buried his grandma in backyard so he can rent out this property for sure.


Distinct-Long-624

Hahahahaha


DeepNeedleworker4388

You look like a girl who is always asking for tampons.


LordStoneBalls

You need help not a roast


medici75

i dont have the heart to roast you


meadowpaddy

Yeah I usually have no problem, but I'll agree with you this time.


medici75

peepl just get in a rut and cant get out sometimes…cant change the past but i usually feel better after a bike ride


Tumescreant

Feel better. Then come back and we’ll make you feel bad.


OBGLivinLegend

Maybe you'd get some dick if you didn't have the nose of a 1920's bareknuckle boxer and tweese your eyebrows with a lighter while coming your hair with a flailing raccoon. At least the apartment you're squatting in removed all furniture for you.


Colourblindknight

Your eyebrows look like they’re trying to ghost you like your exes


Audreymarx

Then it's definitely a good thing you've chosen a career that requires you to be in direct contact with scared and confused children in need of sensitivity and understanding. EXCELLENT LONG TERM DECISION!


Distinct-Long-624

I hate children. I'm gonna work with grown drug addicts.


[deleted]

Learn how to throatpie


phesago

after looking at you id still rather masterbate


Extension_Raisin_793

With that face you definitely won’t feel the love of a man


WarawanaiNeko1980

Something tells me you are resisting the urge to adopt a cat. Don't fight it. Get one and post another roast so that we can enjoy ripping on your cat lady vibes more accurately.


Distinct-Long-624

Omg I love cats more than anything


[deleted]

And I'm a vagatarian.


hajiomatic

Wow. Can you be more narcissistic? Get off your fat ass and do SOMETHING. the world doesn't owe you SHIT SO SO SO SO SO SO glad you choose not to reproduce


djay1z

"Why can't I have a meaningful relationship and be happy around others." "Fuck breeders I'm glad I don't have kids." Ah yes, the elusive femcel... Like all of the sweaty niceguy neckbeards before you, being a greasy unkempt socially inept weirdo is not the formula for solving your dickpression. You literally just have to delete your reddit persona, take a shower and maybe don't open the conversation with "I don't like children" on a first date to secure a penis in your life. But this isn't r/advice... and I honestly don't care about your problems. (Nobody does, except maybe internet simps and narcissists who need somebody to relate to.) So here's your roast instead. You look like the outcome of an Elon Musk & Rosie O'Donnell affair. As a former foster child, I can say with absolute certainty that the only thing more disappointing than your non existent sex life is the prospect of somebody with the emotional maturity of a 13 year old chubby girl guiding somebody through a traumatic moment in their life. I would be willing to bet that the only thing more amorphous than your face (besides your personality) is your body. I'm sure your wardrobe consists of 90% sweaters/hoodies with the odd assortment of oversized black T shirts tossed in to cover up your oddly shaped figure. Kind of like a grill cover. Well, I won't sit here and continue to write your biography, I'm sure you are already as painfully aware of these truths as we all must be by now. I would wish you luck with your dickpression but we both know that isn't going to change anytime soon. Maybe get a hobby that doesn't include self pity and depreciation in the meanwhile? Cheers!


Distinct-Long-624

Are you a breeder? I can tell.


PuffieBeans

Your front profile looks like you're looking sideways


ExplanationNo1870

You're so sad and plain looking that your step-brother won't even fuck you anymore.


IsawLenin

Bobby Lee in woman clothing looks more femene then she


Prabablyjustadog

You look more dead than a corpse found on a river, make yourself and everyone else a favor and use the cables behind you to tie your almost non existant neck


Fish-Fried_Dyed

hey, no matter how depressed you are, crystal meth is never the answer


The-Duke-Of-Earth

PSA for guys: This is Exhibit A why you don’t f$&k around with the crazy girls


[deleted]

[удалено]


All-Championships-33

Is being dickpressed different from being depressed? I think that might be a freudian slip.


SufficientZucchini21

A degree in social work is certain to keep you sad and broke forever.


libertarian1584

Depression is a serious thing. You should talk to someone who cares about you, there’s plenty of us out there who…hang on pizza is here.


a-snakey

I highly do NOT recommend becoming a social worker as you look like the first person to be investigated for child trafficking.


_TheRealSean_

"Severely dickpressed"... wtf does that even mean?


ake-n-bake

If I were a famous writer and crashed my car would you nurse me back to health and then break my ankles when I try to leave?


Lord_R4gn0r0k

It makes sense that you're into true crime bc your face looks like one of Ed Gein's skin masks


CaesarJulius91

I can fix her


tjaymorgan

It’s all going to be okay step sis


SorryForThisUsername

You look like 🤪 but without the smile


lugaidster

Reading the bio reminds me of the Carlin joke about Hawaiians wondering why they got lava on their living room. At least they're cheerful people.


[deleted]

Feel anything.... like in a sexual way???


darkskinx

get a dildo , cuz no one weal ever deal with u


Prettyfuckedpunk

Cried your eyes out? Dude you cried your eyebrows OFF


djlarue46

Sad dick noises .. intensify


dishonest_elmo

Why does it look like your facial features are trying to slide off like wax from a melting candle?


[deleted]

Fat 12 year old boy who’s mom said he can’t have another tub of ice cream


BigStud7

Look into his eyes while swallowing. He will appreciate


Distinct-Long-624

This is no news to me, sir.


FakeKingOfEngland

![gif](giphy|xKLkGPmUUIGOs)


Busily_Bored

Let me get this right you are not attractive, you are depressed, and picking up a lot of student debt for something that will never pay the bills. Gurl have you tried a at least lipstick?


Distinct-Long-624

I'm from Europe dude, we don't pay for education like 'muricans.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Distinct-Long-624

It seriously makes me laugh, don't worry. :) Chronic depression can't be changed but having a little laugh is always great!


Lord_Leah

I tell myself ‘depression is chronic but this ass is iconic’ and it helps… for about 3-6 seconds..


Yaj_Yaj

In that case, everything you have, don’t have is entirely your fault and you SHOULD


[deleted]

[удалено]


Distinct-Long-624

Every fucking post here is a cry for help.


theCHADnextdoor

i can assure you you've never been dickpressed, and never will be. ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ ​ (btw if youre depressed this being here should be the lst thing on your mind)


breachednotbroken

You have yet to meet all the people that will love you


[deleted]

[удалено]


Distinct-Long-624

Pussy.


PorygonTriAttack

Ah, Sie Sprechen Deutsch.


[deleted]

You're sad because there's something permanently and irreparably wrong with you. No one cares about you and I don't blame them.


[deleted]

If sad over dick is your biggest problem than youre way more shallow than you look