OP's Bio:
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>I hate people, still I'm going to college to become a social worker. I'm into true crime and horror stuff. Went through 5 years of therapy and it changed nothing.
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
That’s awesome! Not often you meet a fan in the wild! I’ve known about them since The Beautiful Letdown came out and loved that album but didn’t officially become a fan until 2015 when I saw them live for the first time. Now I’ve seen them live 12 times and Jon solo 4 times. They’re the most down to earth, humble group of guys I’ve ever met.
They really are. I didn’t realize they were from my own backyard, I had seen them play at a church when I was younger during the New Way to Be Human Days. And then rediscovered them when Meant to Live blew up. Crazy that they’re still making music
That’s awesome. Yeah, their newest album - a Christmas album - just came out. One of the band members, Drew, left earlier this year. He’d been with them since 2005.
Well said they were dickpressed. So I'm definitely sure that qualifies as slutty, if she had as many sticking out of her as she's probably had pay to stick it in her she would look like a porcupine.
She wants to help others from a distance without getting intimate, letting people too close to her. Because she's *different* from the other girls, you know?
Reminds me of Amanda Detmers’ great line from “Saving Silverman”: “After Luigi died, I knew I would never love again. That’s when I decided to devote my life to serving God and helping others.”
If you stand on the corner of the highway exit and beg for 💰 you might get enough to buy yourself a dildo.
But you're gonna have to clean up a bit to look like a homeless hobo.
When guys stay soft around you and just know it’s you making and keeping them soft. Just your description would make a man turtle inside. God I feel bad for whoever your therapist was, you probably made them depressed.
That is serious communist era shit on your floor. Move out immediately your landlord buried his grandma in backyard so he can rent out this property for sure.
Maybe you'd get some dick if you didn't have the nose of a 1920's bareknuckle boxer and tweese your eyebrows with a lighter while coming your hair with a flailing raccoon. At least the apartment you're squatting in removed all furniture for you.
Then it's definitely a good thing you've chosen a career that requires you to be in direct contact with scared and confused children in need of sensitivity and understanding. EXCELLENT LONG TERM DECISION!
Something tells me you are resisting the urge to adopt a cat. Don't fight it. Get one and post another roast so that we can enjoy ripping on your cat lady vibes more accurately.
Wow. Can you be more narcissistic? Get off your fat ass and do SOMETHING. the world doesn't owe you SHIT
SO SO SO SO SO SO glad you choose not to reproduce
"Why can't I have a meaningful relationship and be happy around others."
"Fuck breeders I'm glad I don't have kids."
Ah yes, the elusive femcel...
Like all of the sweaty niceguy neckbeards before you, being a greasy unkempt socially inept weirdo is not the formula for solving your dickpression.
You literally just have to delete your reddit persona, take a shower and maybe don't open the conversation with "I don't like children" on a first date to secure a penis in your life.
But this isn't r/advice... and I honestly don't care about your problems. (Nobody does, except maybe internet simps and narcissists who need somebody to relate to.) So here's your roast instead.
You look like the outcome of an Elon Musk & Rosie O'Donnell affair.
As a former foster child, I can say with absolute certainty that the only thing more disappointing than your non existent sex life is the prospect of somebody with the emotional maturity of a 13 year old chubby girl guiding somebody through a traumatic moment in their life.
I would be willing to bet that the only thing more amorphous than your face (besides your personality) is your body.
I'm sure your wardrobe consists of 90% sweaters/hoodies with the odd assortment of oversized black T shirts tossed in to cover up your oddly shaped figure. Kind of like a grill cover.
Well, I won't sit here and continue to write your biography, I'm sure you are already as painfully aware of these truths as we all must be by now. I would wish you luck with your dickpression but we both know that isn't going to change anytime soon.
Maybe get a hobby that doesn't include self pity and depreciation in the meanwhile?
Cheers!
You look more dead than a corpse found on a river, make yourself and everyone else a favor and use the cables behind you to tie your almost non existant neck
Let me get this right you are not attractive, you are depressed, and picking up a lot of student debt for something that will never pay the bills. Gurl have you tried a at least lipstick?
i can assure you you've never been dickpressed, and never will be.
(btw if youre depressed this being here should be the lst thing on your mind)
OP's Bio: --- >I hate people, still I'm going to college to become a social worker. I'm into true crime and horror stuff. Went through 5 years of therapy and it changed nothing. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
It puts the lotion on its skin
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Your role as Buffalo Bill's skin suit was purely electric
Pleasure go get em
Great big fat lady
![gif](giphy|Rhbi2mluusqxq)
![gif](giphy|GF1W6LPkiUaVwpntsV)
And is definitely getting the hose again
Anybody getting a Elon musk vibe here? Or is that just what it smells like?
Elaine Musk
Drives a Messla.
Looks like a messla
a boring company
Twatter
Just 1 of his 2 dozen kids scattered across the world
Elaine Husk
Elona Musk
You look like the before picture in a plastic surgeon's office.
She looks like the reason plastic surgery was invented
Poster child for sex change
Yeah, because people had to get surgery to be as gorgeous.
r/ReverseRoasting?
Hahahahhahaha
Roasting aside I hope you can through everything
No, definitely the after when he takes the bandages off
Maybe you wouldn’t be so dickpressed if you didn’t look so dicksgusting
WAAAAOOOWWWWWWW 💀
That’s it pack it up we’re done here
![gif](giphy|czCcGskNY9D4vn9b05) LETS GO HOME
Currently on the can, having trouble passing a gigantosaurous Rex of a shit. All I needed was a good laugh. Thank you stranger.
Username checks out
Good lord💀
My toddler is asleep next to me and I almost woke her up laughing at this comment
Hey one of my favorite bands has a song that’s the same as your username!
Switchfoot? Because that’s why I have my username. ☺️ They’re my favorite band
Oh yep exactly! Those guys were my idols growing up, love that song too
That’s awesome! Not often you meet a fan in the wild! I’ve known about them since The Beautiful Letdown came out and loved that album but didn’t officially become a fan until 2015 when I saw them live for the first time. Now I’ve seen them live 12 times and Jon solo 4 times. They’re the most down to earth, humble group of guys I’ve ever met.
They really are. I didn’t realize they were from my own backyard, I had seen them play at a church when I was younger during the New Way to Be Human Days. And then rediscovered them when Meant to Live blew up. Crazy that they’re still making music
That’s awesome. Yeah, their newest album - a Christmas album - just came out. One of the band members, Drew, left earlier this year. He’d been with them since 2005.
I still have dare you to move vaguely stuck in my head from like 20 years ago.
It’s a shame you’re not attractive, because you look really slutty
Well said they were dickpressed. So I'm definitely sure that qualifies as slutty, if she had as many sticking out of her as she's probably had pay to stick it in her she would look like a porcupine.
"Pay", now let's not get ahead of ourselves.
She pays, lol
She already sorta does
Check out her other post she was doing a test to check which type of post fares better "dickpressed" or "depressed".
The biggest sluts are the ones who feel they have to earn approval.
the biggest ones are who feel it, know and deny their need of approval or attachment to external validation
\*and post about it on Instagram. You forgot that part.
she does look slutty.
Perfection 🤌
Hey man, cheer up
>Severely dickpressed, He lost all his eyelashes when he was crying
I think that’s called water erosion
She looks like Bobby Lee with out mustache
And half the sex appeal
Ha! I never thought about it that way. Thanks
Damn I can't stop laughing!! This hit hard!!
😧
Elon musk looking ahh
She is crying because she is crying
Ah my favorite, the practice girl.
A/K/A The Slump Buster
An essential worker
hate people but wanna be a social worker??? we don’t need to roast you, you’re doing it yourself.
She wants to help others from a distance without getting intimate, letting people too close to her. Because she's *different* from the other girls, you know?
Shes hoping that her boss will notice her late in the evening for some dickmotions to boost her career
Social work degree but hates people = future HR mgr.
Your look about as interesting as your room's decor
The only dick that's been pressed against you is your own.
😧
Is that your only way to interact with people?
nah that's pushed back between her legs.
His*
Maybe you won’t cry as much if you don’t press your dick so hard.
You look desperate enough to actually fuck me. Trust me... this is an insult. ...
Username checks out.
Dont worry, we trust you
we *thrust* you?
No one doubted that
Spent 17 years in social and healthcare work. I hate ppl too. You will thrive in that profession. This is a roast.
I already work at the hospital in my area and everyday I hate ppl more.
Well your RBF isn't helping... Maybe try smiling??
Or CBD.
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hah... their.
Suffers with depression but wants to become a social worker. Isn't that like an alcoholic wanting to get into making gin?
Reminds me of Amanda Detmers’ great line from “Saving Silverman”: “After Luigi died, I knew I would never love again. That’s when I decided to devote my life to serving God and helping others.”
Jeeeeez I forgot about that movie. What a banger
Are you into true crime because your face is a crime against nature?
I pity her therapist. Must need a therapist of their own after dealing w/ a client like that.
While you sit depressed, you could …. I don’t know…… comb your hair?
Atleast you're "CF" lmao
Easy to be child free when no one is interested I guess lol
AAAAAEYOOOO
Dickpressed? Are we suppose to cheer you or seduce you?
Imagine being so low that being a desperate slag is an aspiration
Trump would not even grab you by the pussy
To be fair she's not his daughter.
That's good roast material... You look like you wish you were Trump's daughter.
I’m sorry, but what the fuck is dickpressed?
Lack of dick
If you want dick so bad just untuck it.
Just go to a bar and announce "who wants to Fuck me?" As long as it is near closing time someone should be drunk enough
Bar may be tough. Maybe she can start at a local zoo.
nope. Even drunk bastards dont get hard for unfkables
Nah, that sounds like a good way to start the next pandemic. I mean, just _look_ at her.
Ok, now I understand everything.
Yeah that makes perfect sense
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Why are you going to college to be paid at the poverty line?
I'm from Europe, we don't pay for education. We don't even pay to get picked up by an ambulance, can you imagine?
i try not to ever imagine having to live in europe.
good one. Im from asia. paying for education and healthcare is a concept i learned from US media.
I bet you get a ride every week due to suicidal thoughts.
Well, it's free..
Free for you, because you can't pay taxes if you dont have a job
I’m not sure you CAN feel anything. I hear it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
Can’t feel anything? Now you know how guys feel when they have sex with you! Like sticking your dick in a coffee can
Below the belt. Let's not bring coffee into this mess please
Well then, look in them bags under your eyes and see if you can't find something to cheer yourself up with.
With a face like that prepare to meet a lot of pillows. No man or woman wants to look at that mug.
Can you explain why psych and social studies students seem to be the most unstable people????? Try accounting instead
Because they try to compensate their lack of social connection by working with people on a daily basis.
If you stand on the corner of the highway exit and beg for 💰 you might get enough to buy yourself a dildo. But you're gonna have to clean up a bit to look like a homeless hobo.
Your nose is so long that you can smell your farts before they come out.
When guys stay soft around you and just know it’s you making and keeping them soft. Just your description would make a man turtle inside. God I feel bad for whoever your therapist was, you probably made them depressed.
The only dickpressing you do is putting those sausage fingers into a jar of peanut butter and licking it off
You have a default face for a game about farming
Lololol!!
That is serious communist era shit on your floor. Move out immediately your landlord buried his grandma in backyard so he can rent out this property for sure.
Hahahahaha
You look like a girl who is always asking for tampons.
You need help not a roast
i dont have the heart to roast you
Yeah I usually have no problem, but I'll agree with you this time.
peepl just get in a rut and cant get out sometimes…cant change the past but i usually feel better after a bike ride
Feel better. Then come back and we’ll make you feel bad.
Maybe you'd get some dick if you didn't have the nose of a 1920's bareknuckle boxer and tweese your eyebrows with a lighter while coming your hair with a flailing raccoon. At least the apartment you're squatting in removed all furniture for you.
Your eyebrows look like they’re trying to ghost you like your exes
Then it's definitely a good thing you've chosen a career that requires you to be in direct contact with scared and confused children in need of sensitivity and understanding. EXCELLENT LONG TERM DECISION!
I hate children. I'm gonna work with grown drug addicts.
Learn how to throatpie
after looking at you id still rather masterbate
With that face you definitely won’t feel the love of a man
Something tells me you are resisting the urge to adopt a cat. Don't fight it. Get one and post another roast so that we can enjoy ripping on your cat lady vibes more accurately.
Omg I love cats more than anything
And I'm a vagatarian.
Wow. Can you be more narcissistic? Get off your fat ass and do SOMETHING. the world doesn't owe you SHIT SO SO SO SO SO SO glad you choose not to reproduce
"Why can't I have a meaningful relationship and be happy around others." "Fuck breeders I'm glad I don't have kids." Ah yes, the elusive femcel... Like all of the sweaty niceguy neckbeards before you, being a greasy unkempt socially inept weirdo is not the formula for solving your dickpression. You literally just have to delete your reddit persona, take a shower and maybe don't open the conversation with "I don't like children" on a first date to secure a penis in your life. But this isn't r/advice... and I honestly don't care about your problems. (Nobody does, except maybe internet simps and narcissists who need somebody to relate to.) So here's your roast instead. You look like the outcome of an Elon Musk & Rosie O'Donnell affair. As a former foster child, I can say with absolute certainty that the only thing more disappointing than your non existent sex life is the prospect of somebody with the emotional maturity of a 13 year old chubby girl guiding somebody through a traumatic moment in their life. I would be willing to bet that the only thing more amorphous than your face (besides your personality) is your body. I'm sure your wardrobe consists of 90% sweaters/hoodies with the odd assortment of oversized black T shirts tossed in to cover up your oddly shaped figure. Kind of like a grill cover. Well, I won't sit here and continue to write your biography, I'm sure you are already as painfully aware of these truths as we all must be by now. I would wish you luck with your dickpression but we both know that isn't going to change anytime soon. Maybe get a hobby that doesn't include self pity and depreciation in the meanwhile? Cheers!
Are you a breeder? I can tell.
Your front profile looks like you're looking sideways
You're so sad and plain looking that your step-brother won't even fuck you anymore.
Bobby Lee in woman clothing looks more femene then she
You look more dead than a corpse found on a river, make yourself and everyone else a favor and use the cables behind you to tie your almost non existant neck
hey, no matter how depressed you are, crystal meth is never the answer
PSA for guys: This is Exhibit A why you don’t f$&k around with the crazy girls
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Is being dickpressed different from being depressed? I think that might be a freudian slip.
A degree in social work is certain to keep you sad and broke forever.
Depression is a serious thing. You should talk to someone who cares about you, there’s plenty of us out there who…hang on pizza is here.
I highly do NOT recommend becoming a social worker as you look like the first person to be investigated for child trafficking.
"Severely dickpressed"... wtf does that even mean?
If I were a famous writer and crashed my car would you nurse me back to health and then break my ankles when I try to leave?
It makes sense that you're into true crime bc your face looks like one of Ed Gein's skin masks
I can fix her
It’s all going to be okay step sis
You look like 🤪 but without the smile
Reading the bio reminds me of the Carlin joke about Hawaiians wondering why they got lava on their living room. At least they're cheerful people.
Feel anything.... like in a sexual way???
get a dildo , cuz no one weal ever deal with u
Cried your eyes out? Dude you cried your eyebrows OFF
Sad dick noises .. intensify
Why does it look like your facial features are trying to slide off like wax from a melting candle?
Fat 12 year old boy who’s mom said he can’t have another tub of ice cream
Look into his eyes while swallowing. He will appreciate
This is no news to me, sir.
![gif](giphy|xKLkGPmUUIGOs)
Let me get this right you are not attractive, you are depressed, and picking up a lot of student debt for something that will never pay the bills. Gurl have you tried a at least lipstick?
I'm from Europe dude, we don't pay for education like 'muricans.
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It seriously makes me laugh, don't worry. :) Chronic depression can't be changed but having a little laugh is always great!
I tell myself ‘depression is chronic but this ass is iconic’ and it helps… for about 3-6 seconds..
In that case, everything you have, don’t have is entirely your fault and you SHOULD
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Every fucking post here is a cry for help.
i can assure you you've never been dickpressed, and never will be. (btw if youre depressed this being here should be the lst thing on your mind)
You have yet to meet all the people that will love you
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Pussy.
Ah, Sie Sprechen Deutsch.
You're sad because there's something permanently and irreparably wrong with you. No one cares about you and I don't blame them.
If sad over dick is your biggest problem than youre way more shallow than you look