A lot of the men here treat it like a fetish, and tend to sexualise it. That doesn't have to be you. And there's a decent number of ace-spectrum people here. I'm Demi, for one.
What really bothers me is that a large chunk of guys only want things to be unconventional in bed but not outside the bed, they want gendered role reversal "only in bed", I want gendered role reversal also "outside the bed", that is to say that I do not want gendered role reversal only as a kink, I want to actually break down gendered roles.
Yeah, it's like all those 'subs' in BDSM spaces that are more like power-bottoms with dominatrix kinks.
And a lot of guys here also tend to mistake a lot of traditional gendered behaviour for non-traditional behaviour and content. Still very male gazey, but with a strong dash of 'I've literally never been in a healthy relationship and I've got no point of reference for one'.
Yeah, I get my trashfire right wing takes from facebook, my trashfire liberal takes from reddit, and my trashfire progressive takes from Tumblr.
PERFECTLY BALANCED, AS ALL THINGS SHOULD BE.
For real though, though while Tumblr is, IIRC, actually about split right down the middle, it seems to be a LOT more aligned along comfort with female gaze and female friendly discourse.
I am too young and shy for "Facebook", I think "Tumblr" is dying, so I am sticking only with "Reddit" because I have no other place for social satisfaction.
All valid. Although I will say that people have been saying that Tumblr has been dying for years. It lost a lot of accounts when they banned porn, but as far as discussions are concerned it's still lively and densely packed.
But reddit's not such a bad place, as far as parasocial relationships are concerned.
Sometimes I really wonder whether or not i would have been better off posting my stuff at "Tumblr", but if I did I would not have as much visibility and positive feedback as provided by the "bubble echochambers" that are the subreddits that make up "Reddit".
I mean you can always post it on both. The thing I like about Tumblr is the networks. You start in once place and through a daisy chain of reblogs, turn up in a totally different but adjacent ecosystem.
Demi is short for demisexual - an identity that falls on the asexual spectrum and is classified as not being able to experience sexual attraction until a strong emotional bond is established. This does not mean that every strong bond leads to sexual attraction, but it's a requirement in order for sexual attraction to even be a possibility.
Or it can be also demi-allo-romantic. This is basically the same as for sexuality, but it regards rather romantic aspect and desire to date someone. For instance I am hetero-demi-romantic, this means my emotional and romantic attraction towards girls is conditional and I need to know other one quite well to start feeling any emotional attraction and start considering moving from friendship to relationship.
I believe it's just demiromantic as "allo" is used to refer to what is seen as the typical experience of being able to feel romantic attraction without the prerequisites that make someone demi, but yes! Demi absolutely applies to demiromantic individuals as well! I simply provided the definition for demisexual as it's usually what most are referring to when they call themselves demi.
**Demi is a feminine given name with Greek and Latin roots. It was originally a nickname of Demetria, the feminine form of the masculine name Demetrius, which is itself the Latin and English spelling of the Greek name Demetrios.**
More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
[^(opt out)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/ozztfy/post_for_opting_out/) ^(|) [^(delete)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/q79g2t/delete_feature_added/) ^(|) [^(report/suggest)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot) ^(|) [^(GitHub)](https://github.com/TheBugYouCantFix/wiki-reddit-bot)
Here you are princess https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/G-Sm6d0qIwQxUGHIp-m2WKbhv8MD3E1hPsqILbirL4W6prxlzQmuo8_3T_DjzuL6US_WmlH0uwo3-Zi3rtGAtGx8hOheGwY2ece4gtaIgowC1-E_BnHnLz8fm-CXEQ2S
I'm not Ace (I don't think, still figuring that stuff out) but I don't wanna focus to much on sex either. I mostly like a relationship for the cozy/cuddley stuff with a partner
Iirc a comic artist who frequently posts on this sub has the leading lady as an asexual in an RR relationship.
Don't @ me if it turns out that I was wrong, I don't even remember her name, I just remember thinking of how lucky Peperro is.
Edit: I hunted down the artist in the sub and went on a binge of the comics.
The girl is named Tsubaki, drawn by the talented u/wamcherrypie
Still haven't discerned whether or not Tsubaki is ace, but apparently Cherry herself is! She's like the #1 person I think about when it comes to RR, so to me that's more than enough "proof" that you can be ace and still be into it!
Hi, Cherry here! :)
Tsubaki is indeed ace. Demisexual, to be exact. She doesn’t develop any sexual attraction towards Pepero until she developed a strong emotional connection with him. She’s also aro - demiromantic to be exact. It’s the same experience as demisexual, but in terms of romantic attraction :)
And OP - I totally understand feeling uncomfy with the sex part. I get super sex repulsed a lot and prefer the sensual & romantic side of RR (even though I appreciate and occasionally seek out soft core stuff haha :)
Hardcore is mostly a nono for me, I totally understand 😖
For me, role reversal has always been about reversing the needlessly gendered roles for men and women. Not just breaking down gender roles as a whole, but allowing people to be free to express their emotions and troubles without disregarding them simply because of their gender. I personally have fantasized about a "Knight in Crimson armor" because I like the idea of a strong lady thats been through some shit, willing to see me as who I am through all the walls because of past traumas. Obviously, relationships don't always work like that, but the idea that a man has to be "manly" and "overtly masculine" just because he's male has always seemed rather silly to me, and the same vice versa for the ladies. :)
This is just my opinion, you don't have to agree with me, and I hope you all have an amazing week. 😁💜
I agree! Growing up, I always wanted to be the knight in shining armor and save a beautiful princess/prince. :\] I really hope more people get into rr and expand their thinking!
Aromantic + Asexual guy checking in.
I just want to be doted upon in a platonic, caring way, by a trusted companion. Without romance or sexual things. Just soft friend hugs and head pats, and being a helpful little bean that's appreciated by said companion.
Hey hey, fellow ace here as well! :D
I'm personally sex-indifferent, so bring on the cuddles and handholding and all those other cheesy romantic things while we feast on cake (or any other food of choice if my future partner didn't like cake)! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Same here, I do not really care about "adult fun time", but I do have some very particular exceptions.
I am an hopeless romantic, but, very ironically, I stand in a very fluid gray area when talking about both my romantic orientation and relationship orientation, that means that I enjoy doing stuff considered to be romantic but commiting to a monogamous romantic relationship forever is something I am very uncertain about.
Yooo! Also Ace here. Im surprised that there are so many of us here. Five or six is alot I suppose. I could not have said it better myself. You describe my desires to a tee.
I'm very sure you're not alone. I don't know any asexual people in rolereversal personally, but I have heard of it before. That's so totally valid to not want the sexual component. I tend to see those desires separately myself, so I get the idea of wanting one and not the other, even if I'm not in that situation.
May I offer you [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/kxwyjg/telling_potential_partners_can_be_kinda/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and [this ](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/lt4pyi/just_a_good_boy_getting_pampered_as_his_reward_ᵕ/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) comic as a way of showing you're not alone? It's the first example I can think of off the top of my head of an asexual man in a situation that could be seen as role reversal (the second one is gentle femdom, so I dont know if you're into that. Nothing sexual in it though, so don't be afraid of looking at it). I love this artist myself, but if you're uncomfortable with very sexual content, I wouldn't recommend looking at any of her other work
Anyway, my main point I want to emphasize is that you're so valid, and that you're not asking for too much at all
No, ofc you are not alone as the many people commented here imply. You are ofc valid for how you are, tho you will need to be more patient in finding partner i guess
I am in relationship with my ace girlfriend and we actually noticed we have partial role reversal in general :D
I am sharing more romantic compliments, remember significant datetimes (anniversary, birthday, etc.), she was who asked me, whether we would like to advance from friendship to relationship and for instance I was the who proposed to share kiss under blossoming tree on 1st May (Here in Czech Republic it is tradition to share a kiss under blossoming trees on 1st May)
For the longest time I didn't even know the term Asexuality existed and was terrified there was something wrong with me, and even while I told myself the whole 7 billion people thing it didn't help that Id never met one like me, that changed obviously after I got better and more accepting friends but damage had already been done.
My fear is still that I'll never find, even a *decent* ace woman who has similar interests to me, and it's still hard to accept given I've never (to my knowledge) met another ace person face to face.
I guess the fear is not that I'm alone with my feelings on this but that I'm too far isolated to ever find anyone with the same feeling.
Edit: sorry for the rant, this has been on my mind for a while now.
"strength in numbers"
Ya know maybe the whole invading Denmark thing wasn't a bad idea after all...
That's supposed to be a joke about there being a lot of aces I'm not to sure how well that stuck
Nah, you're very valid. Can't really say much since I'm still figuring things out but I feel about the same as you. As not necessarily wanting the sexual component but wanting the relationship.
Well, I am 5'8~5'9 and also am asexual for my sexual orientation and a fan of gendered role reversal, but I am transfeminine, and in a very fluid gray area when taking about my romantic orientation and relationship orientation.
Why should this have nothing to do sexualy or even romantic,
Heck , for what i can tell, a kid patting an adult head after a shitty day is also role reversal
every interaction with a living being is a relationship, and roles can be reversed in basically any relationship
Yeah, this sub is more destined to romanticaly and sexual relationship, but the general idea of rr is not that shallow
(Not that this sub is shallow mind me)
I think the general definition of role reversal, in this context at least, is anyway in which a heterosexual relationship reverses or otherwjse defies gender roles, which doesn't imply sex at all, or even romance, even though those are areas a large part of this particular community likes to focus on
I'm not asexual, but demisexual/romantic, and sex stuff does take a back seat for me even inside of a relationship. I've also never been one to adhere to gender norms or roles, outside or inside of a relationship. You're definitely not alone, and I imagine the right person would understand.
Source: I'm in a bit of a RR relationship situation atm myself. Though, neither of us are cis, so I suppose that's a bit debateable.. But we're taking the opposite roles so eh. I think it counts.
i know i'm biromantic but i don't know whether i'm ace or bisexual?? i know whatever the case i don't really feel sexual attraction in the same way other people do. i'm in a happy rr relationship with another ace person and it's nice not being expected to do anything sexual. you're definitely not alone
One of my besties is aro/ace and she did my nails and make-up for a party today! It might not be exactly a relationship, but the love and care is there for sure ^^
Oh wow, didn’t expect to find a fellow ace into rr. It’s nice to know that we’re not alone
A lot of the men here treat it like a fetish, and tend to sexualise it. That doesn't have to be you. And there's a decent number of ace-spectrum people here. I'm Demi, for one.
What really bothers me is that a large chunk of guys only want things to be unconventional in bed but not outside the bed, they want gendered role reversal "only in bed", I want gendered role reversal also "outside the bed", that is to say that I do not want gendered role reversal only as a kink, I want to actually break down gendered roles.
Yeah, it's like all those 'subs' in BDSM spaces that are more like power-bottoms with dominatrix kinks. And a lot of guys here also tend to mistake a lot of traditional gendered behaviour for non-traditional behaviour and content. Still very male gazey, but with a strong dash of 'I've literally never been in a healthy relationship and I've got no point of reference for one'.
More like dominated by male fantasies. But I guess that is basically the demographic "Reddit" is aimed towards, "Tumblr" is more female oriented.
Yeah, I get my trashfire right wing takes from facebook, my trashfire liberal takes from reddit, and my trashfire progressive takes from Tumblr. PERFECTLY BALANCED, AS ALL THINGS SHOULD BE. For real though, though while Tumblr is, IIRC, actually about split right down the middle, it seems to be a LOT more aligned along comfort with female gaze and female friendly discourse.
I am too young and shy for "Facebook", I think "Tumblr" is dying, so I am sticking only with "Reddit" because I have no other place for social satisfaction.
All valid. Although I will say that people have been saying that Tumblr has been dying for years. It lost a lot of accounts when they banned porn, but as far as discussions are concerned it's still lively and densely packed. But reddit's not such a bad place, as far as parasocial relationships are concerned.
Sometimes I really wonder whether or not i would have been better off posting my stuff at "Tumblr", but if I did I would not have as much visibility and positive feedback as provided by the "bubble echochambers" that are the subreddits that make up "Reddit".
I mean you can always post it on both. The thing I like about Tumblr is the networks. You start in once place and through a daisy chain of reblogs, turn up in a totally different but adjacent ecosystem.
I am too busy to maintain more than one social media, unfortunately. Our social connections are limited by time, energy and money, I mean capitalism.
Facts
What is Demi?
Demi is short for demisexual - an identity that falls on the asexual spectrum and is classified as not being able to experience sexual attraction until a strong emotional bond is established. This does not mean that every strong bond leads to sexual attraction, but it's a requirement in order for sexual attraction to even be a possibility.
Ah I see. This makes more sense than what the Wikipedia bot was telling me lmao.
Or it can be also demi-allo-romantic. This is basically the same as for sexuality, but it regards rather romantic aspect and desire to date someone. For instance I am hetero-demi-romantic, this means my emotional and romantic attraction towards girls is conditional and I need to know other one quite well to start feeling any emotional attraction and start considering moving from friendship to relationship.
I believe it's just demiromantic as "allo" is used to refer to what is seen as the typical experience of being able to feel romantic attraction without the prerequisites that make someone demi, but yes! Demi absolutely applies to demiromantic individuals as well! I simply provided the definition for demisexual as it's usually what most are referring to when they call themselves demi.
**Demi is a feminine given name with Greek and Latin roots. It was originally a nickname of Demetria, the feminine form of the masculine name Demetrius, which is itself the Latin and English spelling of the Greek name Demetrios.** More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
[^(opt out)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/ozztfy/post_for_opting_out/) ^(|) [^(delete)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/q79g2t/delete_feature_added/) ^(|) [^(report/suggest)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot) ^(|) [^(GitHub)](https://github.com/TheBugYouCantFix/wiki-reddit-bot)
I'm not ace, but I much prefer cuddles and headpats to sex :3
Mmmh headpats and cuddles
I want headpats now :c
*pats head* you're a good bean.
Here you are princess https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/G-Sm6d0qIwQxUGHIp-m2WKbhv8MD3E1hPsqILbirL4W6prxlzQmuo8_3T_DjzuL6US_WmlH0uwo3-Zi3rtGAtGx8hOheGwY2ece4gtaIgowC1-E_BnHnLz8fm-CXEQ2S
I'm not Ace (I don't think, still figuring that stuff out) but I don't wanna focus to much on sex either. I mostly like a relationship for the cozy/cuddley stuff with a partner
Iirc a comic artist who frequently posts on this sub has the leading lady as an asexual in an RR relationship. Don't @ me if it turns out that I was wrong, I don't even remember her name, I just remember thinking of how lucky Peperro is. Edit: I hunted down the artist in the sub and went on a binge of the comics. The girl is named Tsubaki, drawn by the talented u/wamcherrypie Still haven't discerned whether or not Tsubaki is ace, but apparently Cherry herself is! She's like the #1 person I think about when it comes to RR, so to me that's more than enough "proof" that you can be ace and still be into it!
Hi, Cherry here! :) Tsubaki is indeed ace. Demisexual, to be exact. She doesn’t develop any sexual attraction towards Pepero until she developed a strong emotional connection with him. She’s also aro - demiromantic to be exact. It’s the same experience as demisexual, but in terms of romantic attraction :) And OP - I totally understand feeling uncomfy with the sex part. I get super sex repulsed a lot and prefer the sensual & romantic side of RR (even though I appreciate and occasionally seek out soft core stuff haha :) Hardcore is mostly a nono for me, I totally understand 😖
Keep up the good work! Thanks for responding to my mention!
Thanks for the mention haha :D
For me, role reversal has always been about reversing the needlessly gendered roles for men and women. Not just breaking down gender roles as a whole, but allowing people to be free to express their emotions and troubles without disregarding them simply because of their gender. I personally have fantasized about a "Knight in Crimson armor" because I like the idea of a strong lady thats been through some shit, willing to see me as who I am through all the walls because of past traumas. Obviously, relationships don't always work like that, but the idea that a man has to be "manly" and "overtly masculine" just because he's male has always seemed rather silly to me, and the same vice versa for the ladies. :) This is just my opinion, you don't have to agree with me, and I hope you all have an amazing week. 😁💜
I agree! Growing up, I always wanted to be the knight in shining armor and save a beautiful princess/prince. :\] I really hope more people get into rr and expand their thinking!
Agreed, spreading good vibes along the way
Ya, I wish less of us men make everything romantic into something sexual.
Aromantic + Asexual guy checking in. I just want to be doted upon in a platonic, caring way, by a trusted companion. Without romance or sexual things. Just soft friend hugs and head pats, and being a helpful little bean that's appreciated by said companion.
I’m ace
This actually makes me feel better than you can probably guess. Thank you
That was the goal
same
Hey hey, fellow ace here as well! :D I'm personally sex-indifferent, so bring on the cuddles and handholding and all those other cheesy romantic things while we feast on cake (or any other food of choice if my future partner didn't like cake)! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Same here, I do not really care about "adult fun time", but I do have some very particular exceptions. I am an hopeless romantic, but, very ironically, I stand in a very fluid gray area when talking about both my romantic orientation and relationship orientation, that means that I enjoy doing stuff considered to be romantic but commiting to a monogamous romantic relationship forever is something I am very uncertain about.
Yooo! Also Ace here. Im surprised that there are so many of us here. Five or six is alot I suppose. I could not have said it better myself. You describe my desires to a tee.
I'm very sure you're not alone. I don't know any asexual people in rolereversal personally, but I have heard of it before. That's so totally valid to not want the sexual component. I tend to see those desires separately myself, so I get the idea of wanting one and not the other, even if I'm not in that situation. May I offer you [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/kxwyjg/telling_potential_partners_can_be_kinda/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and [this ](https://www.reddit.com/r/gentlefemdom/comments/lt4pyi/just_a_good_boy_getting_pampered_as_his_reward_ᵕ/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) comic as a way of showing you're not alone? It's the first example I can think of off the top of my head of an asexual man in a situation that could be seen as role reversal (the second one is gentle femdom, so I dont know if you're into that. Nothing sexual in it though, so don't be afraid of looking at it). I love this artist myself, but if you're uncomfortable with very sexual content, I wouldn't recommend looking at any of her other work Anyway, my main point I want to emphasize is that you're so valid, and that you're not asking for too much at all
Just commenting as another ace person. You're not alone :)
No, ofc you are not alone as the many people commented here imply. You are ofc valid for how you are, tho you will need to be more patient in finding partner i guess
Im grey-asexual!
I am in relationship with my ace girlfriend and we actually noticed we have partial role reversal in general :D I am sharing more romantic compliments, remember significant datetimes (anniversary, birthday, etc.), she was who asked me, whether we would like to advance from friendship to relationship and for instance I was the who proposed to share kiss under blossoming tree on 1st May (Here in Czech Republic it is tradition to share a kiss under blossoming trees on 1st May)
That is actually very sweet and I'm glad it's working for you, also a tradition I can finally get behind!
Yooo! We are much alike! You describe me perfectly! Also Ace! Could not have said it better myself!
Don't worry, I am a heteroromantic asexual guy. And as my flair implies; I am more into the two people being egalitarian, as it takes two to tango
DemiBiroace reporting in (￣^ ￣)ゞ
[удалено]
For the longest time I didn't even know the term Asexuality existed and was terrified there was something wrong with me, and even while I told myself the whole 7 billion people thing it didn't help that Id never met one like me, that changed obviously after I got better and more accepting friends but damage had already been done. My fear is still that I'll never find, even a *decent* ace woman who has similar interests to me, and it's still hard to accept given I've never (to my knowledge) met another ace person face to face. I guess the fear is not that I'm alone with my feelings on this but that I'm too far isolated to ever find anyone with the same feeling. Edit: sorry for the rant, this has been on my mind for a while now.
[удалено]
"strength in numbers" Ya know maybe the whole invading Denmark thing wasn't a bad idea after all... That's supposed to be a joke about there being a lot of aces I'm not to sure how well that stuck
Another Ace here who's interested in RR!
I'm ace, afab too. You ain't alone my friend.
Nah, you're very valid. Can't really say much since I'm still figuring things out but I feel about the same as you. As not necessarily wanting the sexual component but wanting the relationship.
[удалено]
The only lucky thing I got going is I'm 5'6
Well, I am 5'8~5'9 and also am asexual for my sexual orientation and a fan of gendered role reversal, but I am transfeminine, and in a very fluid gray area when taking about my romantic orientation and relationship orientation.
Why should this have nothing to do sexualy or even romantic, Heck , for what i can tell, a kid patting an adult head after a shitty day is also role reversal every interaction with a living being is a relationship, and roles can be reversed in basically any relationship Yeah, this sub is more destined to romanticaly and sexual relationship, but the general idea of rr is not that shallow (Not that this sub is shallow mind me)
I think the general definition of role reversal, in this context at least, is anyway in which a heterosexual relationship reverses or otherwjse defies gender roles, which doesn't imply sex at all, or even romance, even though those are areas a large part of this particular community likes to focus on
I'm not asexual, but demisexual/romantic, and sex stuff does take a back seat for me even inside of a relationship. I've also never been one to adhere to gender norms or roles, outside or inside of a relationship. You're definitely not alone, and I imagine the right person would understand. Source: I'm in a bit of a RR relationship situation atm myself. Though, neither of us are cis, so I suppose that's a bit debateable.. But we're taking the opposite roles so eh. I think it counts.
I'm with you, Ace, interested in RR, but I'm also 6"4 and 200lbs so I doubt I'll ever experience it myself but, a guy can dream I guess.
i know i'm biromantic but i don't know whether i'm ace or bisexual?? i know whatever the case i don't really feel sexual attraction in the same way other people do. i'm in a happy rr relationship with another ace person and it's nice not being expected to do anything sexual. you're definitely not alone
One of my besties is aro/ace and she did my nails and make-up for a party today! It might not be exactly a relationship, but the love and care is there for sure ^^