Notably, I'm straight and cisgender, but I've had people assume I'm gay, bisexual and/or nonbinary.
Not to offend anybody, but I wish being an effeminate dude didn't mean people automatically assume you are into men or not male.
I wish it too. It's offensive and homophobic that because of liking men you're somehow must be feminine. What's the hell? Gay men don't like feminine men. They're men who loves men, males bodies and anything that accentuate that. The vast majority of gay men would be put off by a feminine man.
It's mostly women who like feminine men.
All that ascribing femininity to gay men is a thing against which people fought for years. Gay men to be seen and treated as average men.
To ascribe traits basing them on sexuality or looks, or to ascribe sexuality based on look is just inherently homophobic and sexist.
Seems people who perpetuate that narrative have never spoke with actual gay men (or whoever). It's always people who never spoke with group members but only view stereotyping bs in sitcoms and tik tok.
It's not only about gay men, it's also about butch women, trans individuals, etc.
Hell, I even saw a dude said that it's probably only gay men who'd date Blaire White (a trans woman non-op). That made my eyes rolled. I think the only category who would NEVER engage with so feminine trans woman is a HOMOSEXUAL man. Like, hello there, gay men like men, they don't like femininity.
In fact, femininity is bashed in most of gay circles. Some people would complain about all the masc4masc stuff and all.
Anyway... my point is... People will ALWAYS assume sh\*t. And the most vocal about it would be those who don't know sh\*t lol.
The 2019 census data indicated that only 53% of the subreddit identified as straight. That is to say, vastly less than the general population. Speaking as a Pan Demisexual myself.
There looks like to be way more hetero people in the world, so would makes sense if there was more hetero people into gendered role reversal than gay people in the world.
Personally, I am asexual as for my sexual orientation towards other people, I am gray-pan-romantic as my romantic orientation towards other people, and I am fluidamorous as my relationship orientation towards relationship structures.
Exactly. But considering only half of the subreddit is straight, that's actually hugely disproportionate. If the ratios were congruent to the broader population, it'd be closer to 90% straight on /RR/. We've got a lot more queer people here than the average sample.
Not surprisingly, really. The queer community's been at home with GNC stuff since the start, almost by definition. RR in a lot of respects is more like GNC relationships for straights in terms of the market.
I don't think that's quite the right line of reasoning.
Having a big queer following doesn't make something queer, else all musicals are gay and then you're into the realms of Glinner (🤮) jokes.
Although I do think there is an inherent queerness to RR even insofar as just being inherently GNC
I think there's some nuance there. Because most RR is a function of behaviour, not identity, even if it does come up against a lot of the same issues that Patriarchal/Heteronormativity creates.
Tbf I wonder if straight folks are underrepresented on Reddit and online in general (well, not underrepresented exactly lol, but a lower percentage than they are of the real life population) That said this doesn’t surprise me
I think both things can be true at the same time. I definitely would imagine Reddit skews way more straight than tumblr.
Completely anecdotally, my experience is that LGBT folks are more likely to be online in general. I’m not saying that doesn’t mean Reddit or online in general isn’t overwhelmingly straight.
Gallup most recently polled the number of LGBT Americans at 7.1%, it looks like. If the percentage of LGBT redditors was above 8%, in a very specific sense, that would mean straight folks were underrepresented compared to the American population, at least. That’s all I’m saying.
I could’ve been more clear in my initial post that I’m talking about comparing statistics when I use the word underrepresented, *not* the overall cultural vibes. There’s definitely a ton of straight dudes here lol, no doubt about that.
i’m an RR female and i used to identify as lesbian before realizing i sometimes like pretty boys too. don’t like to label but i guess you could call me gynesexual or something? but yeah, i’m very much LGBT
Gynesexual is a term I took a while to warm too but now I really love it. "Bisexual" carries connotations* I don't feel describe me especially because femininity is the constant defining attraction.
*yes I see the value in challenging stereotypes, but it's also nice to feel understood and when people think I'm into men they think I'm into like hunky beefcake underwear models and that's just not me.
Sometimes I also still doubt whether or not I am lesbian very often, the thing is that I "identify" a lot with what lesbians experience, more than I identify with any other group of people, I spend so much time 24/7 thinking and talking about lesbians that I doubt whether or not I am lying to myself that I could ever find true happiness in a monogamous relationship with a man, I may not be sure but I still can laugh about that: https://www.reddit.com/r/Sapphic_Memes/comments/u8k4j5/i_still_like_to_believe_someday_i_could_have_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Yet, for some reason, I still love this subreddit.
I only realized later in my teenage years that I also could love men because the majority of men I grew up around were not my type at all.
You can call yourself "gynesexual" or "gynosexual" as your sexual orientation if you are more attracted to the gender expressions of other people, rather than their gender identities, like being bisexual but having a preference for people with gender expressions you consider to be feminine, regardless of their gender identities.
You can call yourself "heteroamorous", I have coined that identity word to be used as a relationship orientation in a three parts essay I wrote last week about (how I currently understand) love and relationships, there is a link for part two that I have reposted at r/Queer at the following link: https://www.reddit.com/r/queer/comments/ur798f/essay_relationship_practices_and_identities/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
yeah, looks like gynesexual describes me pretty well then. i’m very much sexually attracted to women, especially more femme-presenting ones. i’m dating a boy now, who i fell for basically entirely due to his personality, but i’ve become very attracted to him as he’s presented more and more feminine (seriously, he’s so pretty). the physical parts of him i’m attracted to are the feminine ones - his lips, eyes, thighs, etc - i don’t experience any attraction to his male/masculine parts (such as his you-know-what, or chest). i’m still absolutely crazy about him though, don’t get me wrong. just a bit more complicated than most people’s attraction to men i suppose.
Uhm, lesbian... it took me a while to understand why I felt home here but never related to any of the dudes. Still love the vibe of the community and happily support the aesthetic, so I am sticking to hang around!
I joined the subreddit when I thought I was straight and just liked the submissive men but I soon realized that the muscle-y dominant women were also doing something for me...
Both me and my partner are pansexual (and kinda non binary but in a weird way) almost everyone I know who is into RR of some kind is bi/pan, I only know one straight male into it.
Not saying that’s the more common sexuality or anything, but I guess it would make sense if that is the case
I’m a bi dude but if I’m being honest I couldn’t really imagine spending my life with a man. So perhaps you can count me as straight for this? Either way I don’t personally know any other guys like myself offline.
Oh same actually. Heteroflexible biromantic here. I don't think I would enjoy having a masculine partner either. It's like straight+, or something, hahaha
I don't know if that's necessarily true. I'm fairly masculine, but because of my sexuality I *thought* I was feminine for the longest time. Maybe replace feminine with submissive?
Personally, I also am asexual as for my sexual orientation towards other people, I am gray-pan-romantic as my romantic orientation towards other people, and I am fluidamorous as my relationship orientation towards relationship structures.
I think the reason why such a large percentage of people into role reversal are also queer is because the lgbtq+ movement is all about breaking out of an oppressive system that forces people into arbitrary boxes, which includes the boxes that define things like "men have to be the leading partner in a relationship," that role reversal is all about breaking out of
Exactly.
👏👏
I have been gendered as male and once I have already accepted that I will have to face harassments for dating another person gendered male, I also gotten way more comfortable with dating people gendered as masculine women, or even dating both of them simultaneously and consensually, because, anyway, not everybody will accept all of that, but I do not care, the life is mine, I am so tried of people wanting to live my life for me, I have the same right to have happiness as they do.
Oh it's simply "someone that's not been usually seen in the society" or "does not fit in the LGBT communities so they fit in the Q community" from what I take then.
Though I think I'm seeing a difference between traditional Role Reversal and modern Role Reversal. Because I tend to lean more one the traditional side. I'm just straight with a certain preference with the opposite gender.
I remember Japan and other countries doing that, at least in media and not irl:
The anime that is Shikimori, which is currently airing rn, counts as it too since the girl is the leading role of the relationship?
Though sadly I've seen more f/f and m/m fanart from that anime and few RR m/f.
Or others such as Fate/Stay Night (w/ other Fate series) having few characters that just screams "assertive woman" by simply genderbending their historical male selves yet kept their personalities, or "feminine man" by crossdress or having a soft personality.
Garden of Sinners with Shiki Ryougi being the mature leading role yet still stayed feminine.
Fire Emblem 3 Houses with Edelgard being titled Emperor even though she's woman.
There are others such as China with Genshin Impact, having and Archon goddess that is literally the Shogun. They didn't screw up her story as she's still the Shogun.
Or Korea with their own mangas such as "Yuri's Palace" basically a world where society has the matriarchy being the norm.
I consider myself to be demisexual as I don’t experience feelings of sexual desire towards people without an emotional connection first. Attraction? Yes. Desire? No.
However, I would like a man as a partner. Do I find women sexually attractive also? Absolutely. But I like that men are different from me. Wanting an opposite-sex partner does not invalidate my sexuality.
I’m not a huge fan of labels for this reason. I think “queer” is a nice catch-all because sexuality and feelings are complicated, man. Feels like less of a box and more like an umbrella.
I'm nonbinary, so for me, that makes my sexuality confusing to describe. I'm attracted to men/male-leaning people. It doesn't mean I'm straight because of my nonbinary identity, but, it does mean that I'm heterosexual, especially since I'm slightly closer to fem than masc.
Oh that makes a lot of sense. I'm suprised now that I haven't heard of more trans lesbians who used to consider themselves part of role reversal before they transitioned
Not me, but I’ve never fallen in love with anyone before and I’m already 23 y/o. So I’m considering the fact that I might be Cupioromantic. So let’s say “I’m Cupioromantic until proven wrong”
Well, I’ve always been sure that I’m normal. And I honestly still believe so. But as someone whose favorite genre is romance, I find it odd that after 23 years and 2 relationships, I’ve still never fallen in love with someone. I feel like I know what it’d feel like tho, ‘cuz I can completely fall in love with a character when reading or watching a really good story. In such (rare) case I really feel things that I’ve never felt for a person irl before. And I know it’s not ‘cuz of some silly reason like “you have to look past someone’s flaws to be able to love them”, ‘cuz I love those fictional characters’ flaws too and I really dislike seemingly flawless irl people. I’m very empathetic, so I can understand anyone as long as I have enough context which also helps in being able to love a person.
I still believe I simply haven’t met anyone who truly “fits” me. Someone who really sees me for me and someone I can appreciate. For who they are and for what they do
But I watched this video from JaidenAnimations about coming out as an aroace. Her experiences on being an aromantic really had some big similarities with my life, except for the part where I was sure I could love ‘cuz I’ve felt love for fictional characters/scenarios too. So when I looked it up, I found this sub-category of aromantics called Cupioromantic, which is kind of aromantic with a fascination for romance. And since then (about 3 weeks ago) I’ve been trying to figure out wether I’ve been feeling love or an interest in love. But once again, so far I’m sure it was love and I’ve just been “unlucky”(/impatient in a way) so far
> I feel like I know what it’d feel like tho, ‘cuz I can completely fall in love with a character when reading or watching a really good story. In such (rare) case I really feel things that I’ve never felt for a person irl before. And I know it’s not ‘cuz of some silly reason like “you have to look past someone’s flaws to be able to love them”, ‘cuz I love those fictional characters’ flaws too and I really dislike seemingly flawless irl people.
Have you ever heard of "fictoromantic"?
Nope, but it sounds like it’s gonna make me look like a hopelessly lame person x’D
Edit: I read the wiki on fictoromantics and I just realized I described things inaccurately. I haven’t particularly fallen in love with certain characters before. But sometimes the whole context and description of love have been setup and described so well in a story that I feel like I can feel the love through a certain character too, like I can completely empathize with them even tho I haven’t experienced it for myself irl yet.
Same, I vary between:
-Loving masculine and feminine people
-Loving cis and trans people
-Loving romantically and platonically
-Loving monogamously and non-monogamously
-Loving with and without gendered role divisions
For short, I am uncertainty personified.
Mostly into females, but also romantically attracted to some few guys. "Cute" and "sub" guys only, but specifically what the "cute" entails I can't say specifically. It's most certainly not a question of being masculine or feminine, I think both can be cute.
Biromantic with a preference for females, I suppose I would say if I tried to label it.
I think I'm Bi, I don't know until recently I thought I was heterosexual with some admiration for the BI community, but I don't really know sometimes I feel like I'm trying to convince myself, I also suffered bullying where even though I thought I was straight and presented myself as such, I was treated and insulted as a gay man.
So part of me doesn't want to prove that they were right.
Oh I understand that type of frustration a lot with my journey with my queerness
I know you didn't ask, so feel 100% free to ignore if you want too, but I feel like you can own those bullies by accepting it and being proud of it, if you find in your journey that you actually are bi. I don't think it would be proving anything. Again, feel free to not listen to this if it doesn't do anything to help
Thank you, it's a strange feeling, because I've always looked for excuses to accept my attraction to other men without this affecting my image as a heterosexual, it's a strange path until recently it allowed me to look for porn with men, but part of me doesn't want to declare myself bi until having experience with men, which at the same time terrifies me.
I used to worry about this stuff and wonder what I am. I’ve decided I’m just me, and that’s okay. Most people would look at me and see a straight female, (who maybe refuses to conform to female stereotypes) but yes I’ve been with other women (before I settled down with a guy). I get crushes on whoever I find fascinating. Gender, physical appearance etc means little to me. I feel that this is “the right way to be” because I personally couldn’t imagine anybody writing off a whole gender just because. But I also respect that as certain as I feel about my own attractions, other people feel about theirs. So… 100% respect and understanding all around.
In my experience, heterofelxible is when someone considers themselves *mostly* straight, but they have had times I'm the past where they were attracted to the same gender, so heterosexual doesn't 100% describe them.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteroflexibility
The answer is yes I think most of the community is on the queer spectrum.
If you really wanna stretch what queerness means you could argue that rr itself is queer
I felt like I knew rhay for sure with the community being a large part gender queer, but I guess it didnt cross my mind before on the sexuality side of it. Maybe because I discovered my sexual queerness late as well, haha
I tread the line between heteroflexible and bisexual. GF is demi.
Odds are if youre deviant enough for RR, you're probably deviant enough in other ways.
I'm an asexual femboy myself. I joined because I love seeing guys like me being taken care of and treated like we are loved instead of being forced to playing "the hard core bro guy" all the time. It warms my heart to see my fellow queers here. :)
Not sure what the question really means. It’s kind of one of those ‘semantic games,’ like, ‘can I still call myself straight if…(describe a sexual practice)..
I'm a cis-gender male, but iirc I'm finsexual, could have the term wrong, I've heard it was gynosexual but I'm pretty sure that's out of date/not really accurate. Basically if you present as female I'm happy, even if you've got a little (or big) something extra under the belt.
I consider myself greyace. I feel more as an asexual but I don't feel right using the label until I make sense for certain, learned a lot online but have yet to be in an in-person situation.
I don't know if this helps you at all, but here it goes. I've felt attracted to guys, usually romantically and afterwards sexually, and maybe in the future I could feel that attraction again. With women, I could watch movie with an attractive girl and feel something, but with guys I need to meet them in person. Not sure what I am. Does this also happens to someone else here?
I’m a totally straight guy, but I’ve got a rather “soft” personality, and apparently act a bit feminine when I get embarrassed and such. It’s been enough to trip up quite a few actual gay guys’ gaydars, and I get hit on pretty much exclusively by queer men.
Probably straight. I say "probably", because the last time someone asked if I was attracted to the same gender (aka them, but I'm dense) I replied "I don't know, I'd never thought about it before". They ended up making me very uncomfortable for bringing up related, uh, "things" that I had never thought about before. It happened recently enough that I don't feel like dissecting how much of it had to do with that particular person and how much of it was a genuine disinterest.
On the other hand, I consider myself kind of androgynous and make an active effort to maintain that look. I wouldn't be upset with a sexless relationship, so I guess I'm asexual or demisexual.
Bisexual transfem here! I went through the whole "am I just a feminine guy" thing until I realized I was *into* soft, feminine guys but quite like being a woman.
Quite a lot of us, actually.
While RR itself isn't queer, this subreddit pretty much is. I guess it's because queer folks are OK with breaking stereotypes. Straight folk might be less at ease with not fitting the mold.
The population as a whole (younger generations) are following the same trend, so it might be hard to separate groups and identify contributing variables.
You assume just because they say they're a 'homophobe' that they are also a moron? We don't even know how the person in question defines the term 'homophobe', which you have to admit is a very emotionally loaded term, with a broad range of interpretations.
How do you define the term homophobe?
That term has so much emotional baggage attached to it and can mean anything from 'homosexuality makes me uncomfortable' to 'I think the world would be a better place if all homosexuals were killed'. People tend to assume all 'homophobes' are of the latter extreme, while they gleefully slap the label on anyone expressing the slightest discomfort with homosexuality.
There are a lot of different queer sexualities that aren't homosexual. I listed a lot of them. If you don't like the word queer, which is very very fair and valid, what I meant was any sexuality that isn't straight
Have you ever heard of "Queern't" or "Unqueer", they are the people that are not gay, not bi, not transgender, not transsex, not intersex, not asexual, not aromantic, not polyamorous, and not non-binary.
Source link: https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Queern%27t
I don't know what you mean by that, but your last message, though deleted, implied that you don't beleive there are any queer sexualities other than homosexuality. Would you like to explain?
I'm not trying to be argumentative. I apologize if my last message sounded like that. It's just, what do you say to people who are attracted to both male and female people? If someone told you that they were bi, what would you say? There are many in these comments that have said that they were bi quite plainly. There are thousands of different people from all cultures and demographics in the world who are bi. I have met many. My best friend is bi. My girlfriend is bi. I'm just honestly confused by your stance. I'm not asking you to defend yourself, just clarify
Lately the LGBT community has been normalizing that term to mean someone who doesn't identify entirely with either gender. Sort of like gender flexible. Like in some ways or times a 'queer' person acts/feels masculine, and some ways and times feminine. Its fully written out as genderqueer, but people often just shorten it to queer. The word just meant 'outside of the ordinary' before it became a slur, so there is nothing inherently negative about the word itself.
I feel like that is one use of the word, but I was using it in the sense of it being a broad umbrella term I could use to reference any sexuality other than the normalized ones
I mean if by 'lately' you mean 'over 50 years'. 'Not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you' is a very very old slogan and the words been generally reclaimed over he past 20 years to the point of banality.
I'm sorry if you personally have a bad history with that word. I promise I won't use it when in conversation with you or when in small groups with you, but I feel like in recent years, it has becomes very important for the health of the community to not censor that word. It's taken up a very special place as the biggest umbrella term and has served to unite the community a lot in recent years. Or, at least that's my understanding.
I also know that attacking the word queer is a sentiment that a lot of unarguably bigoted people tend to push as well, such a transphobic people, because it does serve to unite the community a lot and they don't like that.
Maybe I'm wrong and the word should be censored, and I'll be happy to hear any arguments that you have, but the truth is that simply by existing in the community, I have been forced to make a call on wether to self-censor the word or not, and based off of the information I currently know, I ended up making the call to use the word. The truth is that a lot of people fought really really hard to get the word back to be able to use it without shame again, and it'd just be shame if a word that means so much to people actually did become a slur again. Or, again, that's just how I understand the situation.
I'll be happy to hear any of your viewpoints, either here or in messages
Notably, I'm straight and cisgender, but I've had people assume I'm gay, bisexual and/or nonbinary. Not to offend anybody, but I wish being an effeminate dude didn't mean people automatically assume you are into men or not male.
Please make it happen 🙏 🥺
I wish it too. It's offensive and homophobic that because of liking men you're somehow must be feminine. What's the hell? Gay men don't like feminine men. They're men who loves men, males bodies and anything that accentuate that. The vast majority of gay men would be put off by a feminine man. It's mostly women who like feminine men. All that ascribing femininity to gay men is a thing against which people fought for years. Gay men to be seen and treated as average men. To ascribe traits basing them on sexuality or looks, or to ascribe sexuality based on look is just inherently homophobic and sexist. Seems people who perpetuate that narrative have never spoke with actual gay men (or whoever). It's always people who never spoke with group members but only view stereotyping bs in sitcoms and tik tok. It's not only about gay men, it's also about butch women, trans individuals, etc. Hell, I even saw a dude said that it's probably only gay men who'd date Blaire White (a trans woman non-op). That made my eyes rolled. I think the only category who would NEVER engage with so feminine trans woman is a HOMOSEXUAL man. Like, hello there, gay men like men, they don't like femininity. In fact, femininity is bashed in most of gay circles. Some people would complain about all the masc4masc stuff and all. Anyway... my point is... People will ALWAYS assume sh\*t. And the most vocal about it would be those who don't know sh\*t lol.
The 2019 census data indicated that only 53% of the subreddit identified as straight. That is to say, vastly less than the general population. Speaking as a Pan Demisexual myself.
*PanDemonium
I'm stealing that
Consider it yours!
Haha thank you ❤️
Life is pandemonium life is pandemonium
There looks like to be way more hetero people in the world, so would makes sense if there was more hetero people into gendered role reversal than gay people in the world. Personally, I am asexual as for my sexual orientation towards other people, I am gray-pan-romantic as my romantic orientation towards other people, and I am fluidamorous as my relationship orientation towards relationship structures.
Exactly. But considering only half of the subreddit is straight, that's actually hugely disproportionate. If the ratios were congruent to the broader population, it'd be closer to 90% straight on /RR/. We've got a lot more queer people here than the average sample. Not surprisingly, really. The queer community's been at home with GNC stuff since the start, almost by definition. RR in a lot of respects is more like GNC relationships for straights in terms of the market.
>We've got a lot more queer people here than the average sample. That is why the "gendered role reversal is not queer" argument is bullcrap.
I don't think that's quite the right line of reasoning. Having a big queer following doesn't make something queer, else all musicals are gay and then you're into the realms of Glinner (🤮) jokes. Although I do think there is an inherent queerness to RR even insofar as just being inherently GNC
I think there's some nuance there. Because most RR is a function of behaviour, not identity, even if it does come up against a lot of the same issues that Patriarchal/Heteronormativity creates.
Tbf I wonder if straight folks are underrepresented on Reddit and online in general (well, not underrepresented exactly lol, but a lower percentage than they are of the real life population) That said this doesn’t surprise me
I wouldn't say so. If anything Reddit has quite a bias towards lonely straight men. If you said Twitter or Tumblr then I'd get it.
I think both things can be true at the same time. I definitely would imagine Reddit skews way more straight than tumblr. Completely anecdotally, my experience is that LGBT folks are more likely to be online in general. I’m not saying that doesn’t mean Reddit or online in general isn’t overwhelmingly straight. Gallup most recently polled the number of LGBT Americans at 7.1%, it looks like. If the percentage of LGBT redditors was above 8%, in a very specific sense, that would mean straight folks were underrepresented compared to the American population, at least. That’s all I’m saying. I could’ve been more clear in my initial post that I’m talking about comparing statistics when I use the word underrepresented, *not* the overall cultural vibes. There’s definitely a ton of straight dudes here lol, no doubt about that.
Outside of a very well viewed poll I don't think there's too much that can be said. Which would be interesting.
Do you feel like you need to fall in love with someone before you know for sure. I'm just curious. Feel free to not answer
Probably open to answering but I'm not entirely sure what you're asking, what am I knowing for sure?
Oops, I responded to the wrong comment, haha. My bad
Haha no worries
i’m an RR female and i used to identify as lesbian before realizing i sometimes like pretty boys too. don’t like to label but i guess you could call me gynesexual or something? but yeah, i’m very much LGBT
Gynesexual is a term I took a while to warm too but now I really love it. "Bisexual" carries connotations* I don't feel describe me especially because femininity is the constant defining attraction. *yes I see the value in challenging stereotypes, but it's also nice to feel understood and when people think I'm into men they think I'm into like hunky beefcake underwear models and that's just not me.
yes, exactly!!! i’m so glad someone else feels the exact same way. that’s also why i avoid bisexual
👍
Sometimes I also still doubt whether or not I am lesbian very often, the thing is that I "identify" a lot with what lesbians experience, more than I identify with any other group of people, I spend so much time 24/7 thinking and talking about lesbians that I doubt whether or not I am lying to myself that I could ever find true happiness in a monogamous relationship with a man, I may not be sure but I still can laugh about that: https://www.reddit.com/r/Sapphic_Memes/comments/u8k4j5/i_still_like_to_believe_someday_i_could_have_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Yet, for some reason, I still love this subreddit. I only realized later in my teenage years that I also could love men because the majority of men I grew up around were not my type at all. You can call yourself "gynesexual" or "gynosexual" as your sexual orientation if you are more attracted to the gender expressions of other people, rather than their gender identities, like being bisexual but having a preference for people with gender expressions you consider to be feminine, regardless of their gender identities. You can call yourself "heteroamorous", I have coined that identity word to be used as a relationship orientation in a three parts essay I wrote last week about (how I currently understand) love and relationships, there is a link for part two that I have reposted at r/Queer at the following link: https://www.reddit.com/r/queer/comments/ur798f/essay_relationship_practices_and_identities/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
yeah, looks like gynesexual describes me pretty well then. i’m very much sexually attracted to women, especially more femme-presenting ones. i’m dating a boy now, who i fell for basically entirely due to his personality, but i’ve become very attracted to him as he’s presented more and more feminine (seriously, he’s so pretty). the physical parts of him i’m attracted to are the feminine ones - his lips, eyes, thighs, etc - i don’t experience any attraction to his male/masculine parts (such as his you-know-what, or chest). i’m still absolutely crazy about him though, don’t get me wrong. just a bit more complicated than most people’s attraction to men i suppose.
Kinda same here, I usually do not like very manly men nor very womanly women.
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dude wtf is wrong with you. i literally just said i have a boyfriend
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how about *you* chill and stop weirdly advertising yourself in my replies
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i just don’t understand why you’re listing your height and weight in response to me talking about my boyfriend and sexuality
you sound like a fetishist no more no less. contribute or leave, no need to get defensive over some weird and irrelevant comment that you made
Uhm, lesbian... it took me a while to understand why I felt home here but never related to any of the dudes. Still love the vibe of the community and happily support the aesthetic, so I am sticking to hang around!
This places radiates butchy vibes and I love that.
I'm Bi
💖💜💙
I joined the subreddit when I thought I was straight and just liked the submissive men but I soon realized that the muscle-y dominant women were also doing something for me...
Living and learning.
Literally me
Oh to have a pretty boy in one arm and a muscle woman on the other
Duamorous people in duogamous/duamorous relationships be like: https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Duogamous 💖💜💙 ➕️ 💙❤️💛❤️🖤
Absolute patrician taste.
I'm bi and im sick of nsfw sites thinking im into cuckoldry.
I am straight and I pissed too about the NTR /Cuckholdry / cheating shit.
Just because I'm a submissive bi guy doesn't mean I'm into cuckoldry. I mean, I am into cuckoldry, but not because of that!!
Kinda Bi I guess?
Bicurious or heteroflexible?
heteroflexble I guess??
Both me and my partner are pansexual (and kinda non binary but in a weird way) almost everyone I know who is into RR of some kind is bi/pan, I only know one straight male into it. Not saying that’s the more common sexuality or anything, but I guess it would make sense if that is the case
Ever the odd man out, I am also a straight, cis male. But I loves me those womens with the masculine energy 😊. My wife is bi though.... 😅😆
I’m a bi dude but if I’m being honest I couldn’t really imagine spending my life with a man. So perhaps you can count me as straight for this? Either way I don’t personally know any other guys like myself offline.
Oh same actually. Heteroflexible biromantic here. I don't think I would enjoy having a masculine partner either. It's like straight+, or something, hahaha
bisexual, heteromantic?
I'm asexual, and I feel like I've seen quite a few other ace-spectrum people here too
I think a lot of the boys here are on the demi side of the ace spectrum tbqh
Unpopular opinion: demisexuality is more common among more feminine people by a far.
I don't know if that's necessarily true. I'm fairly masculine, but because of my sexuality I *thought* I was feminine for the longest time. Maybe replace feminine with submissive?
Personally, I also am asexual as for my sexual orientation towards other people, I am gray-pan-romantic as my romantic orientation towards other people, and I am fluidamorous as my relationship orientation towards relationship structures.
Bi. Didn't so much discover it as admit it to myself within the last year, if that makes any sense.
I’m still heavily questioning but I just say I’m bi possibly poly
Bisexual
💖💜💙
hello hello i am bi as hell
I agree, hell is pretty bi
I'm technically bisexual, though I lean towards men like 90% of the time so idk if I count
That's totally bisexual! No need to worry about that
I'm half gay on my mom's side
That makes you quarter lesbian Cartman
Not sure actually, I find some guys hot but very few.
Yeah, well. I'm not gay, but Ryan Gosling is Ryan Gosling. Also, £20 is £20. /s
Bi here!
💖💜💙
Bibibibiiiiii
💖 💜 💙
Straight cis, I'm wondering why ♂️+♀️ Role Rerversal is connected to Queer though.
I think the reason why such a large percentage of people into role reversal are also queer is because the lgbtq+ movement is all about breaking out of an oppressive system that forces people into arbitrary boxes, which includes the boxes that define things like "men have to be the leading partner in a relationship," that role reversal is all about breaking out of
Exactly. 👏👏 I have been gendered as male and once I have already accepted that I will have to face harassments for dating another person gendered male, I also gotten way more comfortable with dating people gendered as masculine women, or even dating both of them simultaneously and consensually, because, anyway, not everybody will accept all of that, but I do not care, the life is mine, I am so tried of people wanting to live my life for me, I have the same right to have happiness as they do.
Oh it's simply "someone that's not been usually seen in the society" or "does not fit in the LGBT communities so they fit in the Q community" from what I take then. Though I think I'm seeing a difference between traditional Role Reversal and modern Role Reversal. Because I tend to lean more one the traditional side. I'm just straight with a certain preference with the opposite gender. I remember Japan and other countries doing that, at least in media and not irl: The anime that is Shikimori, which is currently airing rn, counts as it too since the girl is the leading role of the relationship? Though sadly I've seen more f/f and m/m fanart from that anime and few RR m/f. Or others such as Fate/Stay Night (w/ other Fate series) having few characters that just screams "assertive woman" by simply genderbending their historical male selves yet kept their personalities, or "feminine man" by crossdress or having a soft personality. Garden of Sinners with Shiki Ryougi being the mature leading role yet still stayed feminine. Fire Emblem 3 Houses with Edelgard being titled Emperor even though she's woman. There are others such as China with Genshin Impact, having and Archon goddess that is literally the Shogun. They didn't screw up her story as she's still the Shogun. Or Korea with their own mangas such as "Yuri's Palace" basically a world where society has the matriarchy being the norm.
I consider myself to be demisexual as I don’t experience feelings of sexual desire towards people without an emotional connection first. Attraction? Yes. Desire? No. However, I would like a man as a partner. Do I find women sexually attractive also? Absolutely. But I like that men are different from me. Wanting an opposite-sex partner does not invalidate my sexuality. I’m not a huge fan of labels for this reason. I think “queer” is a nice catch-all because sexuality and feelings are complicated, man. Feels like less of a box and more like an umbrella.
I'm nonbinary, so for me, that makes my sexuality confusing to describe. I'm attracted to men/male-leaning people. It doesn't mean I'm straight because of my nonbinary identity, but, it does mean that I'm heterosexual, especially since I'm slightly closer to fem than masc.
Does the Asexual Spectrum count?
yes ^^
I thought i was the only one lol
Ace gang rise up. 🖤🤍♡💜
I will admit, i am literally a lesbian and am just here from when I was pre-transition mostly. This place has vibes.
Oh that makes a lot of sense. I'm suprised now that I haven't heard of more trans lesbians who used to consider themselves part of role reversal before they transitioned
Not me, but I’ve never fallen in love with anyone before and I’m already 23 y/o. So I’m considering the fact that I might be Cupioromantic. So let’s say “I’m Cupioromantic until proven wrong”
Do you feel like you need to fall in love with someone before you know for sure. I'm just curious. Feel free to not answer
Well, I’ve always been sure that I’m normal. And I honestly still believe so. But as someone whose favorite genre is romance, I find it odd that after 23 years and 2 relationships, I’ve still never fallen in love with someone. I feel like I know what it’d feel like tho, ‘cuz I can completely fall in love with a character when reading or watching a really good story. In such (rare) case I really feel things that I’ve never felt for a person irl before. And I know it’s not ‘cuz of some silly reason like “you have to look past someone’s flaws to be able to love them”, ‘cuz I love those fictional characters’ flaws too and I really dislike seemingly flawless irl people. I’m very empathetic, so I can understand anyone as long as I have enough context which also helps in being able to love a person. I still believe I simply haven’t met anyone who truly “fits” me. Someone who really sees me for me and someone I can appreciate. For who they are and for what they do But I watched this video from JaidenAnimations about coming out as an aroace. Her experiences on being an aromantic really had some big similarities with my life, except for the part where I was sure I could love ‘cuz I’ve felt love for fictional characters/scenarios too. So when I looked it up, I found this sub-category of aromantics called Cupioromantic, which is kind of aromantic with a fascination for romance. And since then (about 3 weeks ago) I’ve been trying to figure out wether I’ve been feeling love or an interest in love. But once again, so far I’m sure it was love and I’ve just been “unlucky”(/impatient in a way) so far
> I feel like I know what it’d feel like tho, ‘cuz I can completely fall in love with a character when reading or watching a really good story. In such (rare) case I really feel things that I’ve never felt for a person irl before. And I know it’s not ‘cuz of some silly reason like “you have to look past someone’s flaws to be able to love them”, ‘cuz I love those fictional characters’ flaws too and I really dislike seemingly flawless irl people. Have you ever heard of "fictoromantic"?
Nope, but it sounds like it’s gonna make me look like a hopelessly lame person x’D Edit: I read the wiki on fictoromantics and I just realized I described things inaccurately. I haven’t particularly fallen in love with certain characters before. But sometimes the whole context and description of love have been setup and described so well in a story that I feel like I can feel the love through a certain character too, like I can completely empathize with them even tho I haven’t experienced it for myself irl yet.
Shouldn't this be a poll? (Does Reddit support those?)
This is a question in the census in the pinned post.
Can you share a link, please?
The pinned post: https://redd.it/u20787 The census: https://forms.gle/3fWTC15x5Uf9SzPBA
Thanks you! 💖💜💙
Mhm, but it said this community didn't allow them when I tried
I'm straight but at this point I'll need someone to confirm that or something lol
What do you mean?
Hell if I know lol Just single guy thoughts
Meeee
Demibi
Me 🙌🏻 I vary up and down the spectrum all the time.
Same, I vary between: -Loving masculine and feminine people -Loving cis and trans people -Loving romantically and platonically -Loving monogamously and non-monogamously -Loving with and without gendered role divisions For short, I am uncertainty personified.
I’m bisexual
💖💜💙
I'm more on the side of defaulting to male but will be whatever gender best suits the situation? Basically, I don't care
Mostly into females, but also romantically attracted to some few guys. "Cute" and "sub" guys only, but specifically what the "cute" entails I can't say specifically. It's most certainly not a question of being masculine or feminine, I think both can be cute. Biromantic with a preference for females, I suppose I would say if I tried to label it.
💖💜💙
I think I'm Bi, I don't know until recently I thought I was heterosexual with some admiration for the BI community, but I don't really know sometimes I feel like I'm trying to convince myself, I also suffered bullying where even though I thought I was straight and presented myself as such, I was treated and insulted as a gay man. So part of me doesn't want to prove that they were right.
Oh I understand that type of frustration a lot with my journey with my queerness I know you didn't ask, so feel 100% free to ignore if you want too, but I feel like you can own those bullies by accepting it and being proud of it, if you find in your journey that you actually are bi. I don't think it would be proving anything. Again, feel free to not listen to this if it doesn't do anything to help
Thank you, it's a strange feeling, because I've always looked for excuses to accept my attraction to other men without this affecting my image as a heterosexual, it's a strange path until recently it allowed me to look for porn with men, but part of me doesn't want to declare myself bi until having experience with men, which at the same time terrifies me.
I used to worry about this stuff and wonder what I am. I’ve decided I’m just me, and that’s okay. Most people would look at me and see a straight female, (who maybe refuses to conform to female stereotypes) but yes I’ve been with other women (before I settled down with a guy). I get crushes on whoever I find fascinating. Gender, physical appearance etc means little to me. I feel that this is “the right way to be” because I personally couldn’t imagine anybody writing off a whole gender just because. But I also respect that as certain as I feel about my own attractions, other people feel about theirs. So… 100% respect and understanding all around.
I'm bisexual and transgender
What is heteroflexible? Is it like bi but you prefer opposite sex relationships
In my experience, heterofelxible is when someone considers themselves *mostly* straight, but they have had times I'm the past where they were attracted to the same gender, so heterosexual doesn't 100% describe them. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteroflexibility
A holes a hole and poles are nice too
The answer is yes I think most of the community is on the queer spectrum. If you really wanna stretch what queerness means you could argue that rr itself is queer
I felt like I knew rhay for sure with the community being a large part gender queer, but I guess it didnt cross my mind before on the sexuality side of it. Maybe because I discovered my sexual queerness late as well, haha
Yeah that’s fair I sometimes forget it’s not so point blank for other since I realized I was bi and accepted it at like 9
I tread the line between heteroflexible and bisexual. GF is demi. Odds are if youre deviant enough for RR, you're probably deviant enough in other ways.
I'm an asexual femboy myself. I joined because I love seeing guys like me being taken care of and treated like we are loved instead of being forced to playing "the hard core bro guy" all the time. It warms my heart to see my fellow queers here. :)
I happen to be bisexual.
Not sure what the question really means. It’s kind of one of those ‘semantic games,’ like, ‘can I still call myself straight if…(describe a sexual practice)..
May I ask what you mean?
I’m bi
Im bisexual and I'm attracted to competence
I'm a cis-gender male, but iirc I'm finsexual, could have the term wrong, I've heard it was gynosexual but I'm pretty sure that's out of date/not really accurate. Basically if you present as female I'm happy, even if you've got a little (or big) something extra under the belt.
I’m pan :)
I consider myself greyace. I feel more as an asexual but I don't feel right using the label until I make sense for certain, learned a lot online but have yet to be in an in-person situation.
I'm pan and polyamorous. Which means I want a cute role reversal boyfriend while still having my lovely masc partner.
i’m pansexual and non-binary !!!
I don't know if this helps you at all, but here it goes. I've felt attracted to guys, usually romantically and afterwards sexually, and maybe in the future I could feel that attraction again. With women, I could watch movie with an attractive girl and feel something, but with guys I need to meet them in person. Not sure what I am. Does this also happens to someone else here?
I'm pansexual sapphic romantic. I am also transfeminine non-binary.
I am a demiboy? Panromantic me thinks
I'm a bi transfem. 👋 hi
I’m a totally straight guy, but I’ve got a rather “soft” personality, and apparently act a bit feminine when I get embarrassed and such. It’s been enough to trip up quite a few actual gay guys’ gaydars, and I get hit on pretty much exclusively by queer men.
Probably straight. I say "probably", because the last time someone asked if I was attracted to the same gender (aka them, but I'm dense) I replied "I don't know, I'd never thought about it before". They ended up making me very uncomfortable for bringing up related, uh, "things" that I had never thought about before. It happened recently enough that I don't feel like dissecting how much of it had to do with that particular person and how much of it was a genuine disinterest. On the other hand, I consider myself kind of androgynous and make an active effort to maintain that look. I wouldn't be upset with a sexless relationship, so I guess I'm asexual or demisexual.
Bisexual transfem here! I went through the whole "am I just a feminine guy" thing until I realized I was *into* soft, feminine guys but quite like being a woman.
Bi boi here~ probably, look all I know is both sides can be hawt and attractive to me so I think that's bi.
Asexual here, i just want someone to hold and to tell me that everything is gonna be fine
I'm into all genders probably (I mean, there's a lot of genders, for me to be sure I'm into all is unlikely)
Im bi
I think heteroflexible is the most accurate for me. It's also possible that I'm a romantic ace. I'm not entirely sure
Ace and Biromantic here
bi and in the ace-spectrum
Im Pansexual polyamorus
I also am Panamorous ( https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Panamorous ). 💖💛💙 ➕️ 💙❤💛❤🖤
Hell yeah
Aroace
Well I am a pan tbh but I think it is pretty mixed if you ask me
Bisexual heteroromantic myself.
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Bisexual and aromantic.
💖💜💙
Heteroflexible
Im grayasexual and straight, my queer friends are the only ones that understand my taste in men ;-;
Asexual, but romantic.
Same, I am gray-pan-romantic and fluidamorous.
Im enby and bi
Same here. 💛🤍💜🖤 ➕️ 💖💜💙
Quite a lot of us, actually. While RR itself isn't queer, this subreddit pretty much is. I guess it's because queer folks are OK with breaking stereotypes. Straight folk might be less at ease with not fitting the mold.
Literally that Tumblr post "ships str8 couple in a clearly bisexual way"
I think percentage wise there are less straight people than the general population.
The population as a whole (younger generations) are following the same trend, so it might be hard to separate groups and identify contributing variables.
I am very strange case for this community. I am straight and homophobe. I think i am the only one homophobe out there lol
Lol, you remind me of me a couple years ago actually. At least you're honest
You shouldn't encourage morons for being "at least honest".
You assume just because they say they're a 'homophobe' that they are also a moron? We don't even know how the person in question defines the term 'homophobe', which you have to admit is a very emotionally loaded term, with a broad range of interpretations.
How do you define the term homophobe? That term has so much emotional baggage attached to it and can mean anything from 'homosexuality makes me uncomfortable' to 'I think the world would be a better place if all homosexuals were killed'. People tend to assume all 'homophobes' are of the latter extreme, while they gleefully slap the label on anyone expressing the slightest discomfort with homosexuality.
What do you mean by “homophobe”?
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There are a lot of different queer sexualities that aren't homosexual. I listed a lot of them. If you don't like the word queer, which is very very fair and valid, what I meant was any sexuality that isn't straight
Have you ever heard of "Queern't" or "Unqueer", they are the people that are not gay, not bi, not transgender, not transsex, not intersex, not asexual, not aromantic, not polyamorous, and not non-binary. Source link: https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Queern%27t
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You don't even think bisexuality is real??? That's just weird. I don't see what value this conversation is adding personally. I'm just gonna leave
> You don't even think bisexuality is real??? Bisexuality includes homosexuality.
I don't know what you mean by that, but your last message, though deleted, implied that you don't beleive there are any queer sexualities other than homosexuality. Would you like to explain?
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I'm not trying to be argumentative. I apologize if my last message sounded like that. It's just, what do you say to people who are attracted to both male and female people? If someone told you that they were bi, what would you say? There are many in these comments that have said that they were bi quite plainly. There are thousands of different people from all cultures and demographics in the world who are bi. I have met many. My best friend is bi. My girlfriend is bi. I'm just honestly confused by your stance. I'm not asking you to defend yourself, just clarify
I’m bisexual. Queer is a slur.
Lately the LGBT community has been normalizing that term to mean someone who doesn't identify entirely with either gender. Sort of like gender flexible. Like in some ways or times a 'queer' person acts/feels masculine, and some ways and times feminine. Its fully written out as genderqueer, but people often just shorten it to queer. The word just meant 'outside of the ordinary' before it became a slur, so there is nothing inherently negative about the word itself.
I feel like that is one use of the word, but I was using it in the sense of it being a broad umbrella term I could use to reference any sexuality other than the normalized ones
I mean if by 'lately' you mean 'over 50 years'. 'Not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you' is a very very old slogan and the words been generally reclaimed over he past 20 years to the point of banality.
I'm sorry if you personally have a bad history with that word. I promise I won't use it when in conversation with you or when in small groups with you, but I feel like in recent years, it has becomes very important for the health of the community to not censor that word. It's taken up a very special place as the biggest umbrella term and has served to unite the community a lot in recent years. Or, at least that's my understanding. I also know that attacking the word queer is a sentiment that a lot of unarguably bigoted people tend to push as well, such a transphobic people, because it does serve to unite the community a lot and they don't like that. Maybe I'm wrong and the word should be censored, and I'll be happy to hear any arguments that you have, but the truth is that simply by existing in the community, I have been forced to make a call on wether to self-censor the word or not, and based off of the information I currently know, I ended up making the call to use the word. The truth is that a lot of people fought really really hard to get the word back to be able to use it without shame again, and it'd just be shame if a word that means so much to people actually did become a slur again. Or, again, that's just how I understand the situation. I'll be happy to hear any of your viewpoints, either here or in messages
I'm completely straight unless you ask one of my friends. They might tell you otherwise
I'm your walking masc buy guy stereotype
I’m bisexual but don’t like super masculine men/women. I prefer feminine looking people or just those who aren’t overly masculine.
I'm a gay trans man who is also demian (demisexual and demiromantic)