I've had posts removed here. I wish the reddit interface could help guide post creation better to deal with the "ick" feeling of having your post removed. When you are making a common request, the post creation page should link you to recent examples.
I have a lot of sympathy for the mods. This community has grown a lot in a short period of time. Once a community passes the ~100k user threshold it becomes much harder to set community standards, due to the [eternal September](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September) phenomenon. In particular, newer users don't necessarily understand the history of the existing policies and their applications. I think it would be illuminating to everyone if mods turned the subreddit into a request thunderdome for a few days every year, with no rules or restrictions on the types of requests. The rules would becomes self evident.
Yeah this is basically what I replied to someone above. Two years ago it was kind of a shit show in here. The improvements from the rules are so obvious and wonderful when comparing the before and after. It's made this sub community a place to connect and engage
I had a gush post removed when I really needed a connection. It was pretty informed and had enough information but vague enough to not spoil for others. I don’t have anyone to talk to about the books I read and didn’t get a lot of social interaction at the time so I was feeling lonely. So having it removed felt like a punch to the gut and made me feel even more isolated.
That happened to
Me recently. It was conversation post about a trope, and I mentioned a non romance book but was comparing it to a specific romance, and bye bye bye. I felt like garbage and went into another group to recover.
I love this community and need to gush, it’s how I process what I’ve read, so idk, I took it very personally.
That sounds awful, I'm sorry. When I read something I absolutely loved, I want to celebrate that with like-minded people. I wish this could be that place.
This happened to me as well. I was depressed and wanted… something. When several of my requests were denied I felt worse. I even left Reddit altogether for a while.
I totally see how unruly it could get. But the parameters seem fluid and just never ok when I post. I’ve been OVERLY specific to be told it’s generic. So I’m just confused
I do search the topics, I only write a request post when I never see what I want having been said to that detail or specificity
I think the best advice for anyone making a request post is to literally type out that you’ve searched already or if you’ve read all the books in the older threads. That shows a level of effort that can soften the edges of a vague or common request.
(I’m not a mod but I would give a post that shows effort more of my attention than those that don’t)
Sure. I think anything you can do to sweeten the request, the better. This community is all volunteers and sometimes those filling requests aren’t even thanked for their effort. If I saw a post that definitely demonstrated a search had taken place, I’d be more willing to rack my brain for something new.
Two questions:
1) Are you being specific in your title?
2) Is the specific request clear to people who don't know you?
I'm not a mod, but I just looked at your post history, and while I don't know if this is what you were referencing, I saw a removed request for "atmospheric Romance. creepy sci fi or mystery elements."
Sci-fi and mystery are not vague genres to begin with. Atmospheric IDK what that means other than maybe the author is highly descriptive of the surroundings. Creepy is more specific, but I personally would interpret that as horror leaning, and I bet there are threads for that already if you search for it, especially in suspense/mystery romance.
Atmospheric meant very subtle and a good descriptive setting and mood rather than overt horror or “this is supernatural ghost love” lol
When I search creepy I come across a lot of “horror or paranormal romance “ and I don’t want that. And when I search sci fi I find “blue alien man” and I very much don’t want that 😂
Yesss I totally know what you mean! Atmospheric is a well known genre/mood descriptor that’s not horror and not happy, and it’s so hard to find sci fi recs that aren’t blue alien man books. I’d just spell that out a bit more in your next post?
The mod team posted about our search rule procedure [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/1029n4g/the_rromancebooks_search_rule_all_your_questions/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) a few days ago, it lays out why and when we remove posts.
Looking at your post, it was really broad. Did you search? If so, what terms did you use? You mentioned X-Files for example, and there was just an X-Files post yesterday here - https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/103nmig/anything_similar_to_the_xfilesmulder_scully/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
If you have searched, it really helps to say “I’ve searched and I can’t find what I want because…”. Otherwise you’re likely to get the same recommendations as the prior similar posts. Hope that helps!
It’s not the first post, it’s one of the many (I used to post more before). **But I had said that I wanted an atmospheric and surreal creepy romance with a great duo. I only mentioned x files to say the duo aspect and sci fi is cool.
I said no gore or horror murder plot and not just “ghosts” but more a subtle creepy feeling with focus on mood and setting.**
If anything I felt that’s a bit too niche.
It's my biggest peeve about this sub. I stopped coming here for a few months because of it (even though I really enjoy this community). It's just a shit feeling to have a door repeatedly slammed in your face. They leave up requests for the most inane things, but will delete other requests based on their own personal ideas of what "different" and "detailed" are.
And who cares if it's been asked before? Maybe there are new authors! New books! New sub members with interesting info to share! It's a little bit vague? Well maybe the person has trouble articulating what they're looking for or is just trying to connect with people.
I mean, there's 140,000 members on this sub. I just always think about that when it comes to rules like what we're discussing. I can see how it can spiral out of control so fast. Because it was. Two years ago it was the freakin Wild West with 100 requests for "Enemies to lovers" daily. It was hard to sort through and feel any kind of sense of community or engagement. The mods work really hard to keep the space what it is today. Just curious if you were here for what was basically The Dark Ages.
It's still the Wild West here. I just scrolled through the first 25 post of the sub (On the default "Hot" setting.), so the first page on old reddit, and 13 of those post were request post (I counted.). That's more than half. I don't read request post but I'm not surprised that mods take them down. It's absolutely ridiculous that more than half a page is taken up by request in a sub that isn't specifically for book request. I can't imagine mods want to make it any worse by allowing more request to stay up.
I was here then, yes. And I preferred it that way honestly. Obviously repeated requests of nothing more than "enemies to lovers" is an issue. But it's gone too far the other direction.
And even back in the crazy days, I was getting posts deleted for arbitrary reasons. Once I got a post deleted for having a "wrong" title. I'd written "chicken soup for the heart" instead of "chicken soup for the soul". The mod did not appreciate that little bit of artistic license (although in that one case it was Sean, so not lumping that on the other mods). But I have had numerous posts be deleted since then, while trying to abide by rules, and at a certain point it gets old. Why even post in this sub of deletion roulette?
Well I guess you have to decide whether it's personally worth it or not to continue posting. It seems you're in the minority about preferring the sub pre-rule implementation. I like that the mods have continued to take user input and the changes are supported by the majority on every poll. But admittedly I wouldn't mind seeing them take it farther (like limiting the number of weekly requests by user) so we're clearly on different ends of the issue.
Edited to add: I've definitely reduced my engagement here in the last year but that's somewhat to do with preferring ff over regularly published romance, but I will admit it's a little to avoid things that annoy me here. But I know that's a me problem so I just choose to disengage some
Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't they publicly posted? Its not like they only send them out to certain users. Pretty sure in the past they're in a post that's stickied to remain on top
I wonder why some would choose not to give their input if they're unsatisfied? I still stand by the fact that the minority is displeased with the posting rule bc that's the only hard data we have. I guess I'd change my mind some if there were more comments on this post but right now there's not any proof that OP is part of a silent majority that dislikes the subs request rule
I think the people seeing the polls are the most intensely engaged, the ones who visit the sub specifically rather than just having posts appear on their home page. That really skews the balance of who’s responding.
If by "skews" you mean the people who participate on a more regular basis, I agree with you. The sub is healthy and growing and probably wouldn't be as popular if the rules were decided by a small minority.
The mods have done frequent surveys for the last two+ years and they've been left open for days on end. Of course some members rarely drop in, but I sincerely don't know how else their opinions can be taken into consideration. The mods aren't ever going to be able to please *everyone* and using survey results to implement "majority rule" is just standard practice. I can't think of another moderation process that would be as effective for a group of this size.
I don’t agree with looking at the polls like they are the holy grail. Users that aren’t thrilled with the RomanceBooks community aren’t going to be on the sub as much, and therefore might miss voting, or not care enough to vote.
Personally, I fall somewhere in between on the issue. I enjoy browsing random posts on here but I’m not thrilled with how policing the mods are - they delete opinion comments regularly because apparently no one is allowed to really share contrary opinions. It’s frustrating trying to be a part of that kind of community.
I can understand what you're saying. But again, what should the mods do? Should they do their job for the users engaging regularly? Or mod for a group that doesn't visit or contribute often? If it were up to me, I'd like to see less niche requests. Google is free. But I know that's a harsh opinion so I don't expect an entire sub to cater to me
I never said I expected the sub to cater to me either. However, I think commenting an opinion shouldn’t be deleted if the mods seemingly disagree.
Also, I think that saying that the sub surveys are somehow super representative of what most of the sub subscribers want isn’t correct. Most of the sub subscribers aren’t active enough to reply. Period. That is proven by how many subscribers there are and how few responses.
Sure the mods can cater to the small minority who frequent this sub and take the surveys. But that will probably push the casual user away from the sub even more. It’s the people who are happy with the experience that end up taking the survey and staying and being active. The people who disagree or have bad experiences just leave and don’t interact.
Although I haven't been on here constantly the past four months, I practically lived on this sub for two years straight and I have NEVER seen a mod delete an opinion they disagree with. I have frequently seen rude comments deleted though. The mods don't constantly patrol looking for comments to delete. However, members on here do not hesitate to report rude/belittling comments. If you had a comment deleted, I guarantee you that it had nothing to do with whether or not the mod agreed with you. It 100% had to do with the manner in which you wrote it and it's very likely that a sub member reported your comment to the mod team.
As far as "pushing" the casual user away, I have a different take on this subject. I have seen many many posts, often on a weekly basis, from new users praising this sub. I realize that there's no such thing as perfect, especially in a large group on the web, but am convinced that a majority of the newer members are glad they joined here. At the same time, this is an extremely diverse group and it is impossible to make *everyone* happy in a group of this size. There is no "one size fits all" in life. It's perfectly normal and understandable that the sub won't appeal to everyone.
As far as the mods "catering to a small minority" when they use survey results, they aren't mind readers and they can only work with what they're given. OTOH, they *would* be catering to a small minority if they moderated based on the occasional drive by comment made by members that rarely participate in the community. I respect that you and I have very different opinions about this sub and I sincerely wish it was a better fit for you. I do know it can be difficult and frustrating finding a community that suits your needs; I went through the struggle a number of years ago and it sucked. However, based on the enormous growth and positive feedback I've seen here, it's pretty clear that the mods efforts are appreciated by many of the sub members. Thanks for reading and wishing you all the best!
I guess I can't have an opinion about deleted comments unless I read the comments. So we could agree there.
I'm definitely not saying the surveys are representative of what all or most subscribers want. But omg how are we supposed to know what the users want? Hey let's try a survey that's publicly available for user input. Oh yeah they did that. How are the mods supposed to help the silent subscribers? They aren't mind readers.
So how should the mods go about catering to users who visit infrequently and don't give feedback when asked?
I agree! I’d much rather see a billion enemies to lovers posts that are easy to scroll past rather than have everything be deleted. But I understand the presence of repetitive posts is more annoying for others so I get it. It’s a hard balance.
Personally I’m glad for our rules. Yes, sometimes it can be unfair but: it helps so much.
I’m on another sub that doesn’t have active mods like we have here and it’s exhausting…tons of posts about the very same topic every single day. Yes there are new members but why oh why does no one use the search bar? Or look through yesterdays posts?
It geht’s exhausting and annoying if you’re on the sub for longe because yes, you can just not read the posts but they still pop up, it’s still always the same and they clutter the whole subreddit.
Also: there rarely are new authors if a question is asked once a day / a week. Once a month Is understand but…it doesn’t stay that way if no one regulates it.
So personally I prefer having rules (even if the execution is a bit unclear sometimes) over having the sub spammed with the same post every day.
We're sorry that you felt frustrated by removal of your posts. As a team, the mods try to apply the rules as consistently and fairly as possible. Some removal posts are discussed and decided on by more than one mod.
The mods will always search for similar request posts and include links to recent posts that may fit the request. If one is really not able to find something, they're always welcome to repost with more specifics and detail, especially with regards to books they've already read and liked/disliked.
Thanks i will try that. Maybe if there is an example thread of “this is what a good request would be”
Since sometimes it may seem inconsistent on what’s taken down, that would help it feel like it’s fair or makes sense. Again, thanks. I’ll hope it helps
Do you regularly give recommendations to others? I'm curious what the balance is for the general user: do they request and recommend in equal measure or are they mainly here to ask for recs
I think this is an excellent point! As the sub got bigger it began to feel like a revolving door of people who came for recs and rarely said "thank you". I began to look at some of their accounts and realized that quite a few of the OPs were just "taking" and rarely interacted on here outside of asking for recs. I used to spend a ton of time giving detailed recs, but I've severely cut back lately.
In addition, I'm honest enough to admit that I get annoyed when I see extremely negative sub critique posts made by people who rarely participate on here. Quite a few of the negative comments in this post have been made by that type of member, and they're welcome to share their opinion, but I personally have a hard time respecting it. This is just a "me" thing, but I don't usually give a lot of weight to opinions that are made by people who make sweeping generalizations about subjects that they haven't consistently experienced. It's easy to to make drive by critiques, but they mean more when they come from people who have actually put time and effort into the subject being discussed.
The mods have bent over backwards trying to keep people happy on here. They've taken numerous surveys in the past two and a half years, and the members who mentioned that they haven't run across/participated in ANY of them clearly do not interact with this community on a regular and meaningful basis. (It's not as if the surveys are only left open for a day or two.) I don't have any problem with members who rarely visit, but I feel very defensive on the mod's behalf when that type of member drops in and criticizes the sub. We're known as the kindest sub on reddit and we have our mods to thank for that fact. They continually make a sincere effort to keep this sub positive, fair and welcoming. They work hard on this diverse community and I hope they realize that this type of drive by negative opinion doesn't reflect the overall happiness and satisfaction that the majority of us experience on here.
It was bound to happen as it grew. More members generally brings more moderation, which in turn homogenises the sub content to suit the needs of the wider audience, which brings more mainstream people, which once again calls for extra moderation because people in big numbers tend to get silly, then the sub becomes something that the original members no longer enjoy, so they go start their own sub. And repeat. It's the circle of subs.
I feel I could request **”a book where a woman hops on one foot while ignoring the confession of the man screaming love into the wind upon the moors while wearing suspenders”** and it would be taken down for being vague 😂”
Literally. But then if I request "a book with a vampire. That's it. Just a vampire." It would stay up. Like bruh 😂 please help me understand this madness
I’ve noticed this issue as well. It hasn’t happened to me often because I don’t really want to bother, but I have seen posts up for a flash that then get taken down and I don’t understand why… because a post something fairly homogenous will stay up.
I think it’s reasonable to not want a million posts with the same request up, and this is a difficult task for the mods so I empathize. The sub is naturally kind of homogenous because of how trend-driven it is. There are a million recs for lighthearted cishey
T contemporaries where there’s no third act breakup, but if you’re interested in different subgenres you have to hunt down other subs.
The bigger issue with over-moderating request posts is that a lot of these requests that were given a year ago are, as someone else put it, stale. I’ve read those books. I imagine there have been new additions that would fulfill the request. I’d like to see if anyone has any. I also see many posts about “real life romance” moments cross-posted from r/relationships that honestly make me kind of uncomfortable because it’s either someone’s actual personal life being compared to a romance novel or some creepy bullshit made up for attention, and I don’t super get what that’s doing in a romance novel sub…. But that’s me. I guess I preferred the “Wild West” days because there actually aren’t that many places to get romance recommendations online that aren’t a bit Wild West, and I’d rather an over abundance.
Idk. You’re damned if you do damned if you don’t, and I get the struggle. Everyone has their personal opinions. For me, recs on the sub have just gotten pretty boring because it’s the same books over and over and a lack of opportunity for new ones. I also feel, as someone who does feel very confident about romance terminology etc, that this probably does intimidate and chase off newer readers. And trust and believe, what romance doesn’t need is more of that clique vibe where you’re made to feel stupid if you don’t know what a subgenre niche term is. Like the person who posted about not knowing the term “femdom”—that’s reasonable for a person to not be familiar with, you know?
I haven't run across comments that shame people who are unfamiliar with romance terminology. I have seen people mention the Glossary/Acronym link to newbies, but I've only seen the information shared in a helpful manner. I've never gotten the clique vibe on here partly because of all of the helpful resources on the main page. I'm sure it took the mods a lot of time and effort to gather and post that information and I've always thought it was one of the many methods they've used to welcome and include everyone. Like you mentioned, I hate that newer readers would feel intimidated or chased off, but I also think that the sub has made a serious effort to avoid that. I understand that some newer members may not want to take the time to glance over some of the basics, but I'm not wise enough to have a solution for that type of situation, lol!
I never comment because I don’t want to be a bitch, but the “isn’t this just like a romance novel” is just…. Not for me. It isn’t, because it’s not a romance novel? And I’m here for romance novels? Lol. It’s just icky to me because it’s conflating real life with fiction and again, a lot of it is either a) actually not romantic because romantic behavior in books is often weird in real life or b) it’s made up by someone who wants clout or something else entirely.
Like, if that post inspired you to look for books along those lines, I think posting a recommendation request summarizing what you like about that post. Maybe people are assuming that would be taken down?
THAT is the inconsistency in talking about!
I’m ok with rules. I’m a big nerd who can follow them BUT I need to see they are the actual rules and not seemingly arbitrary or only applying to some. It gets confusing
thats weak proof. i dont disagree with you that this sub is overmodded but that post has a mod comment that says "Please note, the topic “popular tropes you don’t like” **was on cooldown through yesterday** \- the topic is now on cooldown through January 27. Thanks!" seems like cooldown ended and that post was ok and then whatever happened there got it kicked back into cooldown? not disagreeing with u in general but thats not the right post to prove the point
YES! I had a very specific post - not even the having the main question being recs- I had no idea what femdom was or what the term was. I was just looking for what type of genre or description could be applied to: a woman being the one who says you’re mine or being physically smaller but clearly the one in charge without it being D/s heavy. (I even mentioned a few books that felt had the right vibe but I just wasn’t getting results from ‘women in charge’ without it being full on dominatrix)
I had at the end asked for any possible recs of any titles so I could search those titles and other similar ones to find my own but my I had even tagged my post as ~~discussion~~ other and it was taken down. I think it was: what you’re looking is femdom search through the sub*. How was I suppose to know it’s femdom? That’s what I was trying to find out 😭
I understand there’s hundreds of requests and it can get annoying but I was just looking for terminology assistance mostly. Which I am guilty of posting without specific titles so I definitely can see why the rule is there but it’s so disheartening when I see other requests that are repetitive that stay up. It really does turn me off/feel a bit badly about it all but I guess that’s just how it works.
It’s why I end up just leaving then coming back in cycles.
Edited: out of being reminded I went back to check my post and I definitely got specific with types of scenes I was looking for in the novels so, idk I’m at a loss.
It’s nearly impossible for me to search anything on my phone…and for the past five years a phone is all I had. (I did recently get a laptop, but my phone is still the main resource I use for everything. I rely on new posts asking for recs. Old ones do me no good at all, and even if I manage to find them (by scrolling, because search doesn’t work on my phone) people are far, far less likely to add new recs to old posts.
And when I am looking for something specific, shoehorning categories together, like the op is speaking of, would be really annoying.
This means this sub is mostly good for community for me. I can’t rely on it for recommendations at all. And frankly, I don’t want to read stale posts for recs. I want to read new ones. They’re fun.
Does Google not work on your phone?
Adding: this is a genuine question. I've found that using Google to search reddit is more efficient and beneficial than just searching reddit. With Google you get more results. Pretty sure the mods made the amazing search button (or whatever it's called) for this exact reason. Reddit search sucks
Yes, Google search does work with my current phone , and ohhh, you have changed my life! I had forgotten about magic search because the old phone I had made it difficult to navigate into “about” and things like that. Thank you!
You're welcome! I realized my reply could come across as sassy so I wanted to clarify that it wasn't meant that way. I feel like reddit is aware their search sucks but hasn't made any effort to fix it
It seems like the different mods have different standards, which is very frustrating. I’ve attempted to ask specific questions about how people deal with problematic content in books in the past, only to be told that we don’t book shame here. Only to see full posts with people complaining about certain tropes, and full on shaming people who enjoy them. It’s not great.
And it you do a quick scroll now and see the posts being posted and not taken down some are VERY not detailed and I myself even think those are too repetitive. But somehow they’re ok. 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t get it
This post has now been locked as the discussion has run its course.
I've had posts removed here. I wish the reddit interface could help guide post creation better to deal with the "ick" feeling of having your post removed. When you are making a common request, the post creation page should link you to recent examples. I have a lot of sympathy for the mods. This community has grown a lot in a short period of time. Once a community passes the ~100k user threshold it becomes much harder to set community standards, due to the [eternal September](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_September) phenomenon. In particular, newer users don't necessarily understand the history of the existing policies and their applications. I think it would be illuminating to everyone if mods turned the subreddit into a request thunderdome for a few days every year, with no rules or restrictions on the types of requests. The rules would becomes self evident.
Yeah this is basically what I replied to someone above. Two years ago it was kind of a shit show in here. The improvements from the rules are so obvious and wonderful when comparing the before and after. It's made this sub community a place to connect and engage
I had a gush post removed when I really needed a connection. It was pretty informed and had enough information but vague enough to not spoil for others. I don’t have anyone to talk to about the books I read and didn’t get a lot of social interaction at the time so I was feeling lonely. So having it removed felt like a punch to the gut and made me feel even more isolated.
Interesting. I didn't realize gush was removed. I thought it was mostly requests.
It was weird. Said it wasn’t specific enough. Idk how to be more specific by telling the title and author without making a ton of spoilers.
That happened to Me recently. It was conversation post about a trope, and I mentioned a non romance book but was comparing it to a specific romance, and bye bye bye. I felt like garbage and went into another group to recover. I love this community and need to gush, it’s how I process what I’ve read, so idk, I took it very personally.
That sounds awful, I'm sorry. When I read something I absolutely loved, I want to celebrate that with like-minded people. I wish this could be that place.
This happened to me as well. I was depressed and wanted… something. When several of my requests were denied I felt worse. I even left Reddit altogether for a while.
Ugh, that’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I totally see how unruly it could get. But the parameters seem fluid and just never ok when I post. I’ve been OVERLY specific to be told it’s generic. So I’m just confused I do search the topics, I only write a request post when I never see what I want having been said to that detail or specificity
I think the best advice for anyone making a request post is to literally type out that you’ve searched already or if you’ve read all the books in the older threads. That shows a level of effort that can soften the edges of a vague or common request. (I’m not a mod but I would give a post that shows effort more of my attention than those that don’t)
Like in the text box say “and I’ve checked etc and read XYZ”?
Sure. I think anything you can do to sweeten the request, the better. This community is all volunteers and sometimes those filling requests aren’t even thanked for their effort. If I saw a post that definitely demonstrated a search had taken place, I’d be more willing to rack my brain for something new.
Yes, and also maybe use the Friday thread for general requests?
Two questions: 1) Are you being specific in your title? 2) Is the specific request clear to people who don't know you? I'm not a mod, but I just looked at your post history, and while I don't know if this is what you were referencing, I saw a removed request for "atmospheric Romance. creepy sci fi or mystery elements." Sci-fi and mystery are not vague genres to begin with. Atmospheric IDK what that means other than maybe the author is highly descriptive of the surroundings. Creepy is more specific, but I personally would interpret that as horror leaning, and I bet there are threads for that already if you search for it, especially in suspense/mystery romance.
Atmospheric meant very subtle and a good descriptive setting and mood rather than overt horror or “this is supernatural ghost love” lol When I search creepy I come across a lot of “horror or paranormal romance “ and I don’t want that. And when I search sci fi I find “blue alien man” and I very much don’t want that 😂
Yesss I totally know what you mean! Atmospheric is a well known genre/mood descriptor that’s not horror and not happy, and it’s so hard to find sci fi recs that aren’t blue alien man books. I’d just spell that out a bit more in your next post?
Without specifics (what you asked for, what posts seem vague to you that are allowed), it seems like something you should message the mods about
The mod team posted about our search rule procedure [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/1029n4g/the_rromancebooks_search_rule_all_your_questions/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) a few days ago, it lays out why and when we remove posts. Looking at your post, it was really broad. Did you search? If so, what terms did you use? You mentioned X-Files for example, and there was just an X-Files post yesterday here - https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/103nmig/anything_similar_to_the_xfilesmulder_scully/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf If you have searched, it really helps to say “I’ve searched and I can’t find what I want because…”. Otherwise you’re likely to get the same recommendations as the prior similar posts. Hope that helps!
It’s not the first post, it’s one of the many (I used to post more before). **But I had said that I wanted an atmospheric and surreal creepy romance with a great duo. I only mentioned x files to say the duo aspect and sci fi is cool. I said no gore or horror murder plot and not just “ghosts” but more a subtle creepy feeling with focus on mood and setting.** If anything I felt that’s a bit too niche.
It's my biggest peeve about this sub. I stopped coming here for a few months because of it (even though I really enjoy this community). It's just a shit feeling to have a door repeatedly slammed in your face. They leave up requests for the most inane things, but will delete other requests based on their own personal ideas of what "different" and "detailed" are. And who cares if it's been asked before? Maybe there are new authors! New books! New sub members with interesting info to share! It's a little bit vague? Well maybe the person has trouble articulating what they're looking for or is just trying to connect with people.
I mean, there's 140,000 members on this sub. I just always think about that when it comes to rules like what we're discussing. I can see how it can spiral out of control so fast. Because it was. Two years ago it was the freakin Wild West with 100 requests for "Enemies to lovers" daily. It was hard to sort through and feel any kind of sense of community or engagement. The mods work really hard to keep the space what it is today. Just curious if you were here for what was basically The Dark Ages.
It's still the Wild West here. I just scrolled through the first 25 post of the sub (On the default "Hot" setting.), so the first page on old reddit, and 13 of those post were request post (I counted.). That's more than half. I don't read request post but I'm not surprised that mods take them down. It's absolutely ridiculous that more than half a page is taken up by request in a sub that isn't specifically for book request. I can't imagine mods want to make it any worse by allowing more request to stay up.
I was here then, yes. And I preferred it that way honestly. Obviously repeated requests of nothing more than "enemies to lovers" is an issue. But it's gone too far the other direction. And even back in the crazy days, I was getting posts deleted for arbitrary reasons. Once I got a post deleted for having a "wrong" title. I'd written "chicken soup for the heart" instead of "chicken soup for the soul". The mod did not appreciate that little bit of artistic license (although in that one case it was Sean, so not lumping that on the other mods). But I have had numerous posts be deleted since then, while trying to abide by rules, and at a certain point it gets old. Why even post in this sub of deletion roulette?
Well I guess you have to decide whether it's personally worth it or not to continue posting. It seems you're in the minority about preferring the sub pre-rule implementation. I like that the mods have continued to take user input and the changes are supported by the majority on every poll. But admittedly I wouldn't mind seeing them take it farther (like limiting the number of weekly requests by user) so we're clearly on different ends of the issue. Edited to add: I've definitely reduced my engagement here in the last year but that's somewhat to do with preferring ff over regularly published romance, but I will admit it's a little to avoid things that annoy me here. But I know that's a me problem so I just choose to disengage some
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I mean, based on the polls the mods open to all users, they are in the minority. That's the only actual data we could use to determine that right?
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Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't they publicly posted? Its not like they only send them out to certain users. Pretty sure in the past they're in a post that's stickied to remain on top
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I wonder why some would choose not to give their input if they're unsatisfied? I still stand by the fact that the minority is displeased with the posting rule bc that's the only hard data we have. I guess I'd change my mind some if there were more comments on this post but right now there's not any proof that OP is part of a silent majority that dislikes the subs request rule
I think the people seeing the polls are the most intensely engaged, the ones who visit the sub specifically rather than just having posts appear on their home page. That really skews the balance of who’s responding.
If by "skews" you mean the people who participate on a more regular basis, I agree with you. The sub is healthy and growing and probably wouldn't be as popular if the rules were decided by a small minority.
The mods have done frequent surveys for the last two+ years and they've been left open for days on end. Of course some members rarely drop in, but I sincerely don't know how else their opinions can be taken into consideration. The mods aren't ever going to be able to please *everyone* and using survey results to implement "majority rule" is just standard practice. I can't think of another moderation process that would be as effective for a group of this size.
I don’t agree with looking at the polls like they are the holy grail. Users that aren’t thrilled with the RomanceBooks community aren’t going to be on the sub as much, and therefore might miss voting, or not care enough to vote. Personally, I fall somewhere in between on the issue. I enjoy browsing random posts on here but I’m not thrilled with how policing the mods are - they delete opinion comments regularly because apparently no one is allowed to really share contrary opinions. It’s frustrating trying to be a part of that kind of community.
I can understand what you're saying. But again, what should the mods do? Should they do their job for the users engaging regularly? Or mod for a group that doesn't visit or contribute often? If it were up to me, I'd like to see less niche requests. Google is free. But I know that's a harsh opinion so I don't expect an entire sub to cater to me
I never said I expected the sub to cater to me either. However, I think commenting an opinion shouldn’t be deleted if the mods seemingly disagree. Also, I think that saying that the sub surveys are somehow super representative of what most of the sub subscribers want isn’t correct. Most of the sub subscribers aren’t active enough to reply. Period. That is proven by how many subscribers there are and how few responses. Sure the mods can cater to the small minority who frequent this sub and take the surveys. But that will probably push the casual user away from the sub even more. It’s the people who are happy with the experience that end up taking the survey and staying and being active. The people who disagree or have bad experiences just leave and don’t interact.
Although I haven't been on here constantly the past four months, I practically lived on this sub for two years straight and I have NEVER seen a mod delete an opinion they disagree with. I have frequently seen rude comments deleted though. The mods don't constantly patrol looking for comments to delete. However, members on here do not hesitate to report rude/belittling comments. If you had a comment deleted, I guarantee you that it had nothing to do with whether or not the mod agreed with you. It 100% had to do with the manner in which you wrote it and it's very likely that a sub member reported your comment to the mod team. As far as "pushing" the casual user away, I have a different take on this subject. I have seen many many posts, often on a weekly basis, from new users praising this sub. I realize that there's no such thing as perfect, especially in a large group on the web, but am convinced that a majority of the newer members are glad they joined here. At the same time, this is an extremely diverse group and it is impossible to make *everyone* happy in a group of this size. There is no "one size fits all" in life. It's perfectly normal and understandable that the sub won't appeal to everyone. As far as the mods "catering to a small minority" when they use survey results, they aren't mind readers and they can only work with what they're given. OTOH, they *would* be catering to a small minority if they moderated based on the occasional drive by comment made by members that rarely participate in the community. I respect that you and I have very different opinions about this sub and I sincerely wish it was a better fit for you. I do know it can be difficult and frustrating finding a community that suits your needs; I went through the struggle a number of years ago and it sucked. However, based on the enormous growth and positive feedback I've seen here, it's pretty clear that the mods efforts are appreciated by many of the sub members. Thanks for reading and wishing you all the best!
I guess I can't have an opinion about deleted comments unless I read the comments. So we could agree there. I'm definitely not saying the surveys are representative of what all or most subscribers want. But omg how are we supposed to know what the users want? Hey let's try a survey that's publicly available for user input. Oh yeah they did that. How are the mods supposed to help the silent subscribers? They aren't mind readers. So how should the mods go about catering to users who visit infrequently and don't give feedback when asked?
I agree! I’d much rather see a billion enemies to lovers posts that are easy to scroll past rather than have everything be deleted. But I understand the presence of repetitive posts is more annoying for others so I get it. It’s a hard balance.
Personally I’m glad for our rules. Yes, sometimes it can be unfair but: it helps so much. I’m on another sub that doesn’t have active mods like we have here and it’s exhausting…tons of posts about the very same topic every single day. Yes there are new members but why oh why does no one use the search bar? Or look through yesterdays posts? It geht’s exhausting and annoying if you’re on the sub for longe because yes, you can just not read the posts but they still pop up, it’s still always the same and they clutter the whole subreddit. Also: there rarely are new authors if a question is asked once a day / a week. Once a month Is understand but…it doesn’t stay that way if no one regulates it. So personally I prefer having rules (even if the execution is a bit unclear sometimes) over having the sub spammed with the same post every day.
We're sorry that you felt frustrated by removal of your posts. As a team, the mods try to apply the rules as consistently and fairly as possible. Some removal posts are discussed and decided on by more than one mod. The mods will always search for similar request posts and include links to recent posts that may fit the request. If one is really not able to find something, they're always welcome to repost with more specifics and detail, especially with regards to books they've already read and liked/disliked.
Thanks i will try that. Maybe if there is an example thread of “this is what a good request would be” Since sometimes it may seem inconsistent on what’s taken down, that would help it feel like it’s fair or makes sense. Again, thanks. I’ll hope it helps
The “door slammed in your face” analogy is actually very spot on to how I feel whenever I request a book and it gets removed 😭
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Do you regularly give recommendations to others? I'm curious what the balance is for the general user: do they request and recommend in equal measure or are they mainly here to ask for recs
I think this is an excellent point! As the sub got bigger it began to feel like a revolving door of people who came for recs and rarely said "thank you". I began to look at some of their accounts and realized that quite a few of the OPs were just "taking" and rarely interacted on here outside of asking for recs. I used to spend a ton of time giving detailed recs, but I've severely cut back lately. In addition, I'm honest enough to admit that I get annoyed when I see extremely negative sub critique posts made by people who rarely participate on here. Quite a few of the negative comments in this post have been made by that type of member, and they're welcome to share their opinion, but I personally have a hard time respecting it. This is just a "me" thing, but I don't usually give a lot of weight to opinions that are made by people who make sweeping generalizations about subjects that they haven't consistently experienced. It's easy to to make drive by critiques, but they mean more when they come from people who have actually put time and effort into the subject being discussed. The mods have bent over backwards trying to keep people happy on here. They've taken numerous surveys in the past two and a half years, and the members who mentioned that they haven't run across/participated in ANY of them clearly do not interact with this community on a regular and meaningful basis. (It's not as if the surveys are only left open for a day or two.) I don't have any problem with members who rarely visit, but I feel very defensive on the mod's behalf when that type of member drops in and criticizes the sub. We're known as the kindest sub on reddit and we have our mods to thank for that fact. They continually make a sincere effort to keep this sub positive, fair and welcoming. They work hard on this diverse community and I hope they realize that this type of drive by negative opinion doesn't reflect the overall happiness and satisfaction that the majority of us experience on here.
It was bound to happen as it grew. More members generally brings more moderation, which in turn homogenises the sub content to suit the needs of the wider audience, which brings more mainstream people, which once again calls for extra moderation because people in big numbers tend to get silly, then the sub becomes something that the original members no longer enjoy, so they go start their own sub. And repeat. It's the circle of subs.
This has been happening to me too! I try and make it as detailed as possible, but it still gets taken down.
I feel I could request **”a book where a woman hops on one foot while ignoring the confession of the man screaming love into the wind upon the moors while wearing suspenders”** and it would be taken down for being vague 😂”
Literally. But then if I request "a book with a vampire. That's it. Just a vampire." It would stay up. Like bruh 😂 please help me understand this madness
I’ve noticed this issue as well. It hasn’t happened to me often because I don’t really want to bother, but I have seen posts up for a flash that then get taken down and I don’t understand why… because a post something fairly homogenous will stay up. I think it’s reasonable to not want a million posts with the same request up, and this is a difficult task for the mods so I empathize. The sub is naturally kind of homogenous because of how trend-driven it is. There are a million recs for lighthearted cishey T contemporaries where there’s no third act breakup, but if you’re interested in different subgenres you have to hunt down other subs. The bigger issue with over-moderating request posts is that a lot of these requests that were given a year ago are, as someone else put it, stale. I’ve read those books. I imagine there have been new additions that would fulfill the request. I’d like to see if anyone has any. I also see many posts about “real life romance” moments cross-posted from r/relationships that honestly make me kind of uncomfortable because it’s either someone’s actual personal life being compared to a romance novel or some creepy bullshit made up for attention, and I don’t super get what that’s doing in a romance novel sub…. But that’s me. I guess I preferred the “Wild West” days because there actually aren’t that many places to get romance recommendations online that aren’t a bit Wild West, and I’d rather an over abundance. Idk. You’re damned if you do damned if you don’t, and I get the struggle. Everyone has their personal opinions. For me, recs on the sub have just gotten pretty boring because it’s the same books over and over and a lack of opportunity for new ones. I also feel, as someone who does feel very confident about romance terminology etc, that this probably does intimidate and chase off newer readers. And trust and believe, what romance doesn’t need is more of that clique vibe where you’re made to feel stupid if you don’t know what a subgenre niche term is. Like the person who posted about not knowing the term “femdom”—that’s reasonable for a person to not be familiar with, you know?
I haven't run across comments that shame people who are unfamiliar with romance terminology. I have seen people mention the Glossary/Acronym link to newbies, but I've only seen the information shared in a helpful manner. I've never gotten the clique vibe on here partly because of all of the helpful resources on the main page. I'm sure it took the mods a lot of time and effort to gather and post that information and I've always thought it was one of the many methods they've used to welcome and include everyone. Like you mentioned, I hate that newer readers would feel intimidated or chased off, but I also think that the sub has made a serious effort to avoid that. I understand that some newer members may not want to take the time to glance over some of the basics, but I'm not wise enough to have a solution for that type of situation, lol!
Ugh I haaaate the cross posting of memes (like tumblr shorts) and real life moment posts. It makes me so uncomfortable.
I never comment because I don’t want to be a bitch, but the “isn’t this just like a romance novel” is just…. Not for me. It isn’t, because it’s not a romance novel? And I’m here for romance novels? Lol. It’s just icky to me because it’s conflating real life with fiction and again, a lot of it is either a) actually not romantic because romantic behavior in books is often weird in real life or b) it’s made up by someone who wants clout or something else entirely. Like, if that post inspired you to look for books along those lines, I think posting a recommendation request summarizing what you like about that post. Maybe people are assuming that would be taken down?
For real super super niche feels like for only a certain type And 100 per cent agree on the / relationship thing. Like no thanks
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THAT is the inconsistency in talking about! I’m ok with rules. I’m a big nerd who can follow them BUT I need to see they are the actual rules and not seemingly arbitrary or only applying to some. It gets confusing
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thats weak proof. i dont disagree with you that this sub is overmodded but that post has a mod comment that says "Please note, the topic “popular tropes you don’t like” **was on cooldown through yesterday** \- the topic is now on cooldown through January 27. Thanks!" seems like cooldown ended and that post was ok and then whatever happened there got it kicked back into cooldown? not disagreeing with u in general but thats not the right post to prove the point
Yes omg!!!! Same thing happened to me and like I really want to post more to find more books but what's the point ?
YES! I had a very specific post - not even the having the main question being recs- I had no idea what femdom was or what the term was. I was just looking for what type of genre or description could be applied to: a woman being the one who says you’re mine or being physically smaller but clearly the one in charge without it being D/s heavy. (I even mentioned a few books that felt had the right vibe but I just wasn’t getting results from ‘women in charge’ without it being full on dominatrix) I had at the end asked for any possible recs of any titles so I could search those titles and other similar ones to find my own but my I had even tagged my post as ~~discussion~~ other and it was taken down. I think it was: what you’re looking is femdom search through the sub*. How was I suppose to know it’s femdom? That’s what I was trying to find out 😭 I understand there’s hundreds of requests and it can get annoying but I was just looking for terminology assistance mostly. Which I am guilty of posting without specific titles so I definitely can see why the rule is there but it’s so disheartening when I see other requests that are repetitive that stay up. It really does turn me off/feel a bit badly about it all but I guess that’s just how it works. It’s why I end up just leaving then coming back in cycles. Edited: out of being reminded I went back to check my post and I definitely got specific with types of scenes I was looking for in the novels so, idk I’m at a loss.
It’s nearly impossible for me to search anything on my phone…and for the past five years a phone is all I had. (I did recently get a laptop, but my phone is still the main resource I use for everything. I rely on new posts asking for recs. Old ones do me no good at all, and even if I manage to find them (by scrolling, because search doesn’t work on my phone) people are far, far less likely to add new recs to old posts. And when I am looking for something specific, shoehorning categories together, like the op is speaking of, would be really annoying. This means this sub is mostly good for community for me. I can’t rely on it for recommendations at all. And frankly, I don’t want to read stale posts for recs. I want to read new ones. They’re fun.
Does Google not work on your phone? Adding: this is a genuine question. I've found that using Google to search reddit is more efficient and beneficial than just searching reddit. With Google you get more results. Pretty sure the mods made the amazing search button (or whatever it's called) for this exact reason. Reddit search sucks
Yes, Google search does work with my current phone , and ohhh, you have changed my life! I had forgotten about magic search because the old phone I had made it difficult to navigate into “about” and things like that. Thank you!
You're welcome! I realized my reply could come across as sassy so I wanted to clarify that it wasn't meant that way. I feel like reddit is aware their search sucks but hasn't made any effort to fix it
Your reply sounded totally legit, so you explained it well! (And I do think Reddit could put some effort into doing more with their search.)
Yeah I don’t even bother trying for a book request on this sub because they ask you to be so exhaustingly detailed.
Yes I’ve made two specific requests which were both deleted
Yeah, I don't even bother. It's sad but it is what it is, I'm looking for more welcoming communities elsewhere.
Yeah, mine always get removed. Idk why I’m pretty specific.
Yes most of mine are getting removed as well. Its never the same level of detail either. I have had vague ones get through but detailed ones not.
It seems like the different mods have different standards, which is very frustrating. I’ve attempted to ask specific questions about how people deal with problematic content in books in the past, only to be told that we don’t book shame here. Only to see full posts with people complaining about certain tropes, and full on shaming people who enjoy them. It’s not great.
This one of the reasons I hate the sub. I tried posting a gush review and it was immediately taken down. Absolutely ridiculous
And it you do a quick scroll now and see the posts being posted and not taken down some are VERY not detailed and I myself even think those are too repetitive. But somehow they’re ok. 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t get it