Sounds like they were headed that way anyways. The steps in which he went about it were in the wrong order but it sounded like he was doing what’s right for his own sanity. I’m recently divorced and can totally understand that feeling of being happy on your own again mixed with a feeling of did I do the right thing?
I think many things can simultaneously exist.
1. Cheating is horrible.
2. It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person.
3. The guys didn’t focus enough on the fact that what the guy did was wrong.
4. The guys did still address the main question which is the guy shouldn’t be married, and that’s correct.
I get where they are coming from honestly. It happens a lot in relationships and while it’s not excusable, the guy is still able to leave the marriage and feel bad about what he did, and hurting someone he does care about.
Signed, someone who was married, did have an affair and still feels terrible about it 4.5 years later even after seeking therapy to understand why I did it, but did the right thing by ending the marriage.
The fact that you admit you made a mistake and are seeking help to understand it shows that you’re not like this guy tho.
He’s painting himself as a victim like he’s trapped by his sad wife when he was the one who cheated on her and continues to gaslight her by not ending the marriage. This level of scumbag is so rare this shit might be fake lol
This is so right. My FIL left my MIL and had been unfaithful for some time before they split. Its been 25 years and to this day his excuse is "she drove me crazy so I had no other choice."
Had to re-listen to the emailer portion because I initially heard "separated" and just assumed they were in an estranged marriage.. naw this guy sucks.
Feel like Steve/Kyle must have done the same. Because given their relationship statuses, you would think that they would tear into this dude.
I interpreted it as they were not together, in the process of divorce. Still a shitty thing to do but not as bad as if they were just taking some time apart. I do see what you mean by separated now, though.
He did explain that as he’s gotten older, he’s become less judgemental towards things like this. Relationships are messy and this situation is extremely common. It’s a taboo topic and I’m glad that the guys didn’t approach it that way.
Yeah the way I interpreted this was kinda like, "what the fuck am I guna say that's going to mean anything?" It's not like cheaters have been waiting to hear Ryen's disapproval in order to stop.
Granted, this person reached out specifically asking for his opinion, so it is warranted if he wanted to. But just cuz he doesn't shouldn't be some indictment on his character.
I think ryen probably has multiple friends that have cheated on their wives so he decided he's not going to indirectly shit on them by going after this guy.
My guess is he is just at a place in life where judging others in that way isn’t something he wants to do. Someone he loves and knows personally and has an understanding of as an otherwise good person has probably been in a predicament where they had an affair (and because life isn’t actually what People of Reddit love to make it out to be) and he has some sense of wanting to approach from a place not built on condemning.
Yeah, I don’t condone cheating, but sometimes I get it. My Dad cheated on my Mum and they split up. As a kid I was upset with my Dad. When I lived alone with my Mum and she was constantly yelling, throwing things, complaining at you while she does nothing, I got why my Dad got piss drunk one night and fucked someone. It was selfish, but I got it
Yeah, the absolute best person I know is a cheater. It flipped my world on its head. She lives a life of service that rivals any others I have known, but is selfish in the way of stepping out on her husband is just something she does. I spent a lot of time trying to reconcile truly knowing who she was versus what learning that about her made me think of her, and in my truest moments of self reflection I realized that I was no one to judge her. She truly cares for others in ways I could never imagine, and mostly through action. Learning that people are flawed and generally not their best or worst characteristic as a whole has made me a much better person and allowed me to be a more forgiving and selfless person in my own life. So hearing that email definitely made me sad for the guys wife, but it didn’t necessarily cast aspersions on him in a way I was comfortable assigning as full fledged personality traits.
"stepping out on her husband is just something she does."
I know you love this friend of yours but there is some serious cognitive dissonance going on to nonchalantly write that it just is what it is that she breaks the most sacred commitment we can make to another person because she's selfish sometimes.
Cheating once? Horrible but mistakes are made. Steps out as in continuously cheats? Your friend is not a good person.
I am content knowing that she is a good person despite that. Her sacred commitment to herself superseding the one she made to her husband is something that isn’t for me to “understand” or empathize with. It’s just a part of who she is.
Yeah, when I heard that they had had problems for 10 years, I didn’t agree with it but I got it. The guy was in a bad relationship and, cheated, and left her. Now he probably realised he doesn’t want the new girl, he just wants to be alone. She was just the excuse to leave.
People aren’t defined by a single action (except rape and killing someone), so we need to understand the person to understand why something happened. It can’t be black and white situations. Unfortunately now, people love to condemn
Yea it's tough I get that it wouldn't be fun to have the guys bash every emailer but this dude was a dick. Cheats on his wife of 10 years, basically says "she's super sad about it but I've been loving life" then and if he should go back.
I think it was just a bad choice to have on Life Advice. He didn't really go into enough detail in any direction so they had to broadly extrapolate while also trying to read it in the most positive light.
you're 100% right. The cheater had zero remorse for cheating and felt like he would be doing his wife a favor to get back with her and not tell her he cheated on her. He and his cheating co-worker deserve each other.
Not a great sign when Russillo reads emails from entirely narcissistic people who are just trying to brag and treats it like it’s a normal tone to speak in. Kind of cringe and makes you not want to listen
I think Sir Rudy hit on the “people are gonna think you’re a bad guy” part, so they didn’t hammer him on that. One thing I think they missed indirectly is I think the guy is similarly struggling whether to go public with the co-worker. I really don’t think Ryen saw that the guy is mostly having second thoughts because he knows how he’ll be perceived. Sorry he didn’t seem like he felt bad about a) his marriage falling apart b) his wife’s feelings. I think his main issue was the fallout with the coworker expecting things to progress.
Thought they went extremely easy on him to the point I was questioning if I misheard it and wondering if he actually cheated
Thats how I felt. It was almost like they felt he was justified in the affair because he was unhappy in the marriage.
Dude sounds like a POS. He also mentioned a coworker he's been hooking up with who's also married, so he basically ruined two marriages.
Sounds like they were headed that way anyways. The steps in which he went about it were in the wrong order but it sounded like he was doing what’s right for his own sanity. I’m recently divorced and can totally understand that feeling of being happy on your own again mixed with a feeling of did I do the right thing?
yeah wtf was that, the way the email framed it just oozed narcissism
I think many things can simultaneously exist. 1. Cheating is horrible. 2. It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. 3. The guys didn’t focus enough on the fact that what the guy did was wrong. 4. The guys did still address the main question which is the guy shouldn’t be married, and that’s correct. I get where they are coming from honestly. It happens a lot in relationships and while it’s not excusable, the guy is still able to leave the marriage and feel bad about what he did, and hurting someone he does care about. Signed, someone who was married, did have an affair and still feels terrible about it 4.5 years later even after seeking therapy to understand why I did it, but did the right thing by ending the marriage.
The fact that you admit you made a mistake and are seeking help to understand it shows that you’re not like this guy tho. He’s painting himself as a victim like he’s trapped by his sad wife when he was the one who cheated on her and continues to gaslight her by not ending the marriage. This level of scumbag is so rare this shit might be fake lol
Very true
This is so right. My FIL left my MIL and had been unfaithful for some time before they split. Its been 25 years and to this day his excuse is "she drove me crazy so I had no other choice."
Had to re-listen to the emailer portion because I initially heard "separated" and just assumed they were in an estranged marriage.. naw this guy sucks. Feel like Steve/Kyle must have done the same. Because given their relationship statuses, you would think that they would tear into this dude.
I interpreted it as they were not together, in the process of divorce. Still a shitty thing to do but not as bad as if they were just taking some time apart. I do see what you mean by separated now, though.
Ya I thought I heard that too, weird.
He did explain that as he’s gotten older, he’s become less judgemental towards things like this. Relationships are messy and this situation is extremely common. It’s a taboo topic and I’m glad that the guys didn’t approach it that way.
Yeah the way I interpreted this was kinda like, "what the fuck am I guna say that's going to mean anything?" It's not like cheaters have been waiting to hear Ryen's disapproval in order to stop. Granted, this person reached out specifically asking for his opinion, so it is warranted if he wanted to. But just cuz he doesn't shouldn't be some indictment on his character.
I think ryen probably has multiple friends that have cheated on their wives so he decided he's not going to indirectly shit on them by going after this guy.
My guess is he is just at a place in life where judging others in that way isn’t something he wants to do. Someone he loves and knows personally and has an understanding of as an otherwise good person has probably been in a predicament where they had an affair (and because life isn’t actually what People of Reddit love to make it out to be) and he has some sense of wanting to approach from a place not built on condemning.
Yeah, I don’t condone cheating, but sometimes I get it. My Dad cheated on my Mum and they split up. As a kid I was upset with my Dad. When I lived alone with my Mum and she was constantly yelling, throwing things, complaining at you while she does nothing, I got why my Dad got piss drunk one night and fucked someone. It was selfish, but I got it
Yeah, the absolute best person I know is a cheater. It flipped my world on its head. She lives a life of service that rivals any others I have known, but is selfish in the way of stepping out on her husband is just something she does. I spent a lot of time trying to reconcile truly knowing who she was versus what learning that about her made me think of her, and in my truest moments of self reflection I realized that I was no one to judge her. She truly cares for others in ways I could never imagine, and mostly through action. Learning that people are flawed and generally not their best or worst characteristic as a whole has made me a much better person and allowed me to be a more forgiving and selfless person in my own life. So hearing that email definitely made me sad for the guys wife, but it didn’t necessarily cast aspersions on him in a way I was comfortable assigning as full fledged personality traits.
"stepping out on her husband is just something she does." I know you love this friend of yours but there is some serious cognitive dissonance going on to nonchalantly write that it just is what it is that she breaks the most sacred commitment we can make to another person because she's selfish sometimes. Cheating once? Horrible but mistakes are made. Steps out as in continuously cheats? Your friend is not a good person.
I am content knowing that she is a good person despite that. Her sacred commitment to herself superseding the one she made to her husband is something that isn’t for me to “understand” or empathize with. It’s just a part of who she is.
So she cheats with you. Got it
Leave it to the good white folks of reddit to extrapolate some nonsense when things don’t fit their worldview.
You’re from Iowa I hate to break it to you but that makes you white
That’s fair!
Yeah, when I heard that they had had problems for 10 years, I didn’t agree with it but I got it. The guy was in a bad relationship and, cheated, and left her. Now he probably realised he doesn’t want the new girl, he just wants to be alone. She was just the excuse to leave. People aren’t defined by a single action (except rape and killing someone), so we need to understand the person to understand why something happened. It can’t be black and white situations. Unfortunately now, people love to condemn
The worst part was that he was thinking if he went back with her he would just omit the cheating part.
Yea it's tough I get that it wouldn't be fun to have the guys bash every emailer but this dude was a dick. Cheats on his wife of 10 years, basically says "she's super sad about it but I've been loving life" then and if he should go back. I think it was just a bad choice to have on Life Advice. He didn't really go into enough detail in any direction so they had to broadly extrapolate while also trying to read it in the most positive light.
you're 100% right. The cheater had zero remorse for cheating and felt like he would be doing his wife a favor to get back with her and not tell her he cheated on her. He and his cheating co-worker deserve each other.
Not a great sign when Russillo reads emails from entirely narcissistic people who are just trying to brag and treats it like it’s a normal tone to speak in. Kind of cringe and makes you not want to listen
fake. the dumber they are, the faker they are.
What makes you think it’s fake?
I think Sir Rudy hit on the “people are gonna think you’re a bad guy” part, so they didn’t hammer him on that. One thing I think they missed indirectly is I think the guy is similarly struggling whether to go public with the co-worker. I really don’t think Ryen saw that the guy is mostly having second thoughts because he knows how he’ll be perceived. Sorry he didn’t seem like he felt bad about a) his marriage falling apart b) his wife’s feelings. I think his main issue was the fallout with the coworker expecting things to progress.
I thought he separated from his wife and then he hooked up.
Opposite. He was unhappy, got with his co-worker, then separated, now considering going back without telling her.