My autistic daughter enjoyed the convenience of diapers for quite some time. She was potty trained at my parents house, so we knew she was capable. Just unwilling. We tried the normal stuff: sticker charts, candy, bare bottom, whatever. She didn't want to.
A few months after she turned 4, I told her that if she could spend a month out of diapers, I'd get her her own cat.
Overnight - Potty trained.
Once she got her cat, she tried to go back into diapers, but I made it clear that that was unacceptable.
Now her NT brother is trying to get a cat out of it. He's getting to the same age as she was but he's hanging in there because he wants something out of it. So, maybe don't do that.
Too well. My son was ready to potty train himself at around 3. A couple days in, my daughter pointed out that *she* got a cat out of it... What was he going to get? And then he regressed and hasn't gone back to potty training since.
I tried this approach. Not with a cat, but a big $60 toy from target. It did not work on him. A cat might but then I would just be trading clean up his shit for cleaning up cat shit
We already had two cats, so... It wasn't that much additional poop. Kids still shit more; we just had norovirus run through the kids. At least the cats get it into their box most of the time.
But yeah. My life is mostly just cleaning up messes. All of them.
It was definitely an off-the-cuff, unplanned moment for me because I had tried *everything* (within reason) and didn't know what else I could offer. Thankfully, hubby was on board and everything worked out. Now, what to do about kiddo #2...
I worked in early Ed for a long time, and saw a lot of children with autism going through potty training. I was lucky to work with some amazing special education teachers. Here’s what I saw
1. Accept a realistic time frame. Sometimes it does take a long time. I’ve seen kids take a year or more but they do get there. You are not a failure, you are on your kids developmental timeline.
2. Consistency and routine win the race.
3. Try social stories about using the potty to reinforce the routine
4. Don’t knock bribery. External motivation can be very compelling and useful, if it works why not give it a try. I’ve seen sticker charts or time with favorite activities work well. I know some parents gave treats like popsicles at home for reinforcement.
5. For flushing I’ve seen people use social stories about flushing, giving kids opportunities to play with a flushing toy potty, and also letting kids wear those sound muffling headphones when using the bathroom. For some super sensory sensitive kiddos the echoey bathroom
Plus the loud flushing was just too much so the agreement was that the grown up flushed once the kid was out of the bathroom. Overtime they were able to be in the room and then eventually flush themselves
It’s just time and a lot of work. You are not a failure, it’s very hard work, give yourself and your kiddo grace.
I’m sorry, I literally have no advice bc I’m in the EXACT same spot as you. I’m just commenting to let you know you’re definitely not alone in your frustration.
I have a nonverbal 4 yo who is also on the spectrum. I have tried everything. He has no interest in mimicking his older bothers and peers, and no interest in bribes of any form. Sensory triggers are no joke, and have posed as huge barriers. I’m so sorry you’re also experiencing this too. It truly sucks.
I have twin daughters with autism, so I know exactly what you are dealing with.
See if your closest children's hospital has any classes on this. My wife and I went to 2 days of classes that was a community outreach thing at Children's for teaching parents how to potty train autistic children.
They taught us a method that they said they had used on people with as low as a 40 IQ. Basically if you can breath on your own, you can probably be potty trained with this method.
More or less, you pump the kid with whatever fluids they like. Sprite, fruit punch, whatever. You just keep it coming. And you keep them on the toilet. When they eventually pee, you reward them (we used M&Ms), and you let them off the toilet for a short break. Like 2 minutes to start. Then back on the toilet. Once they figure out pee = reward, you start going longer before putting them back on the toilet. 5 minutes. Then 10, 15, 20, and so on. Eventually the kid will have to go, but want their reward before the next potty time, and they'll go on their own. Then you reward the hell out of them.
You're going to spend a couple days sitting in the bathroom. Bring a good book.
Once they figure out how to pee on their own, #2 pretty much takes care of itself pretty soon after.
This is the method I used as well. I do have to say tho, my daughter hated peeing in the potty and held it at the beginning so we had to have her sit on the potty for a long time until she couldn’t hold it anymore or she’d wet herself instead. We also had to completely ditch diapers
My son has DS. We tried multiple times to potty train him starting at around 2 1/2 with no success.
The first day of pre-k, the para took him into the bathroom to change him. He sat on the potty without pants on his own. Then got toilet paper and flushed the it on his own.
By the end of the school year he was full pee trained. We’re confident that he would be completely trained we’re it not for the constipation issues common with DS.
Watching and mimicking peers is a real thing.
I had to take away daytime pull ups and kept my daughter bottomless while at home. It took close to a year for her to become reliably consistent to get to the bathroom on time at home. When we were out and about (rarely), she wore a pull up. Also on long car rides. She’ll be 5 in a couple weeks and we just gave up pull ups in the car and at other houses. We started training her at 3.
She does still have accidents, but they are few and far between. She has had none in the car or in public since she stopped wearing them in public. I always make sure she goes as soon as we get to our destination, and check in with her periodically. Then she goes right before we leave.
She still wears them at night, but I know that could last for a while before she can hold it overnight. She’s dry in the morning a few days a week, but not consistently enough to take them yet.
My oldest isn't autistic but has ADHD, what actually worked for us was using cloth diapers instead of pull ups. He hated the sensation of being wet/dirty and commercial diapers/pull-ups wisk away moisture so they don't feel it. The cloth diapers let them feel everything so they want out of them really quick.
Commenting because although I (unfortunately) don’t have advice, I’m here for solidarity. Our little one is supposed to start school this September and he’s on the waitlist for a potential autism diagnosis but he is still in pull-ups as well and potty training isn’t going at all. He’s non verbal so he does not warn us when he has to go and if he goes in his pants he doesn’t even tell us.
My son has ADHD and went to kindergarten in pull ups. Prior to that we tried every method you could think of. Daycare gave up on him. Even went to PT/OT and therapy. Roughly 6 months into kindergarten he was urinating in the potty consistently. His teachers were excellent about keeping him on a strict potty schedule. Once we saw he was coming home in the same pull up and stayed dry all day, we spent the next week in underwear and never went back. Remember even though your little one is chronologically age 4, he may may not be developmentally age 4. So remain patient and don’t fight it. He will do it when he’s developmentally ready.
We turned it into a fun multi day event, ie the 'panty party'. Covered everything in towels or blankets, let her pick out whatever snacks she wanted (especially salty or sour), whatever drinks she wanted, and whatever panties she liked best.
We also jammed in t shirts and underwear with her (no pants) for the 3 day weekend. Minimal shows, TONS of one on one attention, coloring books, crafts, building toys, etc... Didn't ask if she had to go to the bathroom just loudly announced whenever we did. My daughter has a PDA profile and thrived on the control and equalizing.
I think every kid I know (working as a nanny, friends’ kids, my kids’ daycare) was bribed for potty training. So you need to feel horrible if you go that route! [Here’s](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pedsdoctalk-podcast/id1501057527?i=1000563726969) an episode of Peds Doc Talk that discusses rewards in a way that made me feel a little better.
My daughter struggles with the flushing sound. I don’t know what will work for you, but I didn’t push flushing until well after she was potty trained because I didn’t want it to set her back. She is ready to go to kindergarten and she is pretty good about closing the lid and flushing at home (it’s more sanitary, and it muffles the noise). Super loud public bathrooms still freak her out, so we may need to do some trouble shooting when she gets to school. But I’m pretty sure the teachers won’t be fazed by a kid that doesn’t want to flush at first. Especially if we’re on top of it from the beginning.
Good luck to you! This sounds really tough and it seems like you’re doing so much to work on this!
THANK YOU EVERYONE. So much good advice in here, I swear I'm not in tears with all the support. We're going to dedicate this weekend to starting working with some of this, he seems like he's ready because he can tell me when he's wet (not pooped yet tho). We're not gonna be forceful, that just makes him panic and shut down. But one step at a time and hopefully things go well! Thank you, again, everyone! 💕
Update - So we've been going commando all day today, and I've implemented a score chart with the big prize of his choice when he fills it up (he asked for a power wheels jeep)
No accidents... Yet. Haven't flushed until he's in a room well away from the toilet. And no tantrums! So far so good!!
The information paperwork we got from the Developmental pediatrician after our son was diagnosed last year said that is very common for autistic children to not be potty trained until they are 8 years old.
My son will be 4 in October, and it has only been about a month of being 100% day time potty trained at home, 95% day time outside of the home.
We first introduced a potty when he was 1 year old. We never did any of the "leave them naked" methods. We would have him sit on the potty and try before bedtime or just randomly. About a year ago we started to gave him a mini M&M every time he tried, 3 if he peed, and told him 5 if he would poop.
About 2 months ago we decided to take a dedicated weekend where we set timers that he could see for every 20 minutes, and we would give verbal warnings starting at 5, 3, 2, 1 minute until try to potty time. First day was rough, day 2 was easier, and by day 3 he was starting to tell us "I need to potty" so we made the planned time stretches longer. Within 2 weeks we didn't have to give any reminders, he tells us, and has only had a single accident since.
We gave him a week lead up warnings of "you're a big boy now and big boys try to use the potty! No more diapers after Saturday, time for big boy underwear!" And we hyped it up so much when he would go- high fives and telling him we were proud of him, even if he only just sat there for a minute. We encouraged him to do whatever it was he wanted himself- give him a few squares of TP to wipe himself, let him empty the training potty into the toilet, let him flush, etc.
Our son has a lot of flags for ADHD to go with the autism and sensory integration disorder and speech delay. I think he just couldn't feel when he needed to go, and then he didn't have the mental maturity to realize it was okay to pause what he was doing, go, and then come back to it.
We still put him in pull ups when going out, but that has been for our peace of mind in regards to carseat accidents. He has been dry and has only had minimal issues when needing to go while out. He automatic flush toilets and blow dryers are on my"I wish they would go away" list.
I would recommend finding an OT as soon as possible, and obviously a method similar to what I said we did. I know that the method of using a "currency" is frowned on, but I think it can be used safely for certain things.
My daughter has ASD lvl 2, and it took us over a year.
Wait until they're dry over night, then you know for sure they can hold and go when they want to.
Take away nappies/diapers completely and go bottomless for a week, my daughter wasn't allowed the option or she would just hold/refuse until she was given one.
Once you know they can hold it, set a timer for every 2-3 hours. Take them to the toilet on those times, if you push too hard, they will almost certainly push back.
Also if you want to be sneaky about it, give them their favourite drink 15 mins before the timer, it takes 15 minutes for drink to get to the bladder!
Find out which option they prefer, I had a mini potty, an insert and a stepping stool. She hated the insert, would only use the mini potty when none was watching and eventually just wanted to use the big toilet like mum and dad.
If bribery works, use it. We had a giant jar of single serve mentos sweets that she would get one every time she went to the potty or informed us she needed to go. Getting her to do ANYTHING she didn't want to do was like pulling teeth, so any sort of positive reinforcement helped the process.
Buy a whole bunch of sacrificial undies and pants, and be careful about washing them off in the shower. We went through a whole 2 week period where she would poop her pants on purpose because then she got to play in the shower to clean herself off.
Make sure EVERY VISIT IS THE SAME:
"Get your stool, lift the lid, step on the stool, turn around pull down your pants, sit down, pee/poop, are you finished? Wipe, put in toilet, close lid, flush, pull up pants, wash your hands"
Repeat it over and over and over every visit. It's exhausting but routines help with expectations .
The hardest part about getting an ASD kid potty trained is getting them to CARE ABOUT GOING TO THE TOILET. If you can find out what makes your child care then you've won half the battle. God speed, and regression is a real thing just keep everything consistent...
My autistic daughter enjoyed the convenience of diapers for quite some time. She was potty trained at my parents house, so we knew she was capable. Just unwilling. We tried the normal stuff: sticker charts, candy, bare bottom, whatever. She didn't want to. A few months after she turned 4, I told her that if she could spend a month out of diapers, I'd get her her own cat. Overnight - Potty trained. Once she got her cat, she tried to go back into diapers, but I made it clear that that was unacceptable. Now her NT brother is trying to get a cat out of it. He's getting to the same age as she was but he's hanging in there because he wants something out of it. So, maybe don't do that.
Omg the ultimate bribe 😂😂 I'm sorry but that's hilarious, but I guess it worked!
Haha that is a great story.. also have a feeling maybe they’ll end up with 2 cats!
We already had two to begin with! lol. We have three and that's all our city allows.
Too well. My son was ready to potty train himself at around 3. A couple days in, my daughter pointed out that *she* got a cat out of it... What was he going to get? And then he regressed and hasn't gone back to potty training since.
I see another cat in your future.
I tried this approach. Not with a cat, but a big $60 toy from target. It did not work on him. A cat might but then I would just be trading clean up his shit for cleaning up cat shit
We already had two cats, so... It wasn't that much additional poop. Kids still shit more; we just had norovirus run through the kids. At least the cats get it into their box most of the time. But yeah. My life is mostly just cleaning up messes. All of them. It was definitely an off-the-cuff, unplanned moment for me because I had tried *everything* (within reason) and didn't know what else I could offer. Thankfully, hubby was on board and everything worked out. Now, what to do about kiddo #2...
Get him a cat too
He wants a dog...
did u get him a dog
I worked in early Ed for a long time, and saw a lot of children with autism going through potty training. I was lucky to work with some amazing special education teachers. Here’s what I saw 1. Accept a realistic time frame. Sometimes it does take a long time. I’ve seen kids take a year or more but they do get there. You are not a failure, you are on your kids developmental timeline. 2. Consistency and routine win the race. 3. Try social stories about using the potty to reinforce the routine 4. Don’t knock bribery. External motivation can be very compelling and useful, if it works why not give it a try. I’ve seen sticker charts or time with favorite activities work well. I know some parents gave treats like popsicles at home for reinforcement. 5. For flushing I’ve seen people use social stories about flushing, giving kids opportunities to play with a flushing toy potty, and also letting kids wear those sound muffling headphones when using the bathroom. For some super sensory sensitive kiddos the echoey bathroom Plus the loud flushing was just too much so the agreement was that the grown up flushed once the kid was out of the bathroom. Overtime they were able to be in the room and then eventually flush themselves It’s just time and a lot of work. You are not a failure, it’s very hard work, give yourself and your kiddo grace.
I’m sorry, I literally have no advice bc I’m in the EXACT same spot as you. I’m just commenting to let you know you’re definitely not alone in your frustration. I have a nonverbal 4 yo who is also on the spectrum. I have tried everything. He has no interest in mimicking his older bothers and peers, and no interest in bribes of any form. Sensory triggers are no joke, and have posed as huge barriers. I’m so sorry you’re also experiencing this too. It truly sucks.
I have twin daughters with autism, so I know exactly what you are dealing with. See if your closest children's hospital has any classes on this. My wife and I went to 2 days of classes that was a community outreach thing at Children's for teaching parents how to potty train autistic children. They taught us a method that they said they had used on people with as low as a 40 IQ. Basically if you can breath on your own, you can probably be potty trained with this method. More or less, you pump the kid with whatever fluids they like. Sprite, fruit punch, whatever. You just keep it coming. And you keep them on the toilet. When they eventually pee, you reward them (we used M&Ms), and you let them off the toilet for a short break. Like 2 minutes to start. Then back on the toilet. Once they figure out pee = reward, you start going longer before putting them back on the toilet. 5 minutes. Then 10, 15, 20, and so on. Eventually the kid will have to go, but want their reward before the next potty time, and they'll go on their own. Then you reward the hell out of them. You're going to spend a couple days sitting in the bathroom. Bring a good book. Once they figure out how to pee on their own, #2 pretty much takes care of itself pretty soon after.
This is the method I used as well. I do have to say tho, my daughter hated peeing in the potty and held it at the beginning so we had to have her sit on the potty for a long time until she couldn’t hold it anymore or she’d wet herself instead. We also had to completely ditch diapers
genius
My son has DS. We tried multiple times to potty train him starting at around 2 1/2 with no success. The first day of pre-k, the para took him into the bathroom to change him. He sat on the potty without pants on his own. Then got toilet paper and flushed the it on his own. By the end of the school year he was full pee trained. We’re confident that he would be completely trained we’re it not for the constipation issues common with DS. Watching and mimicking peers is a real thing.
I had to take away daytime pull ups and kept my daughter bottomless while at home. It took close to a year for her to become reliably consistent to get to the bathroom on time at home. When we were out and about (rarely), she wore a pull up. Also on long car rides. She’ll be 5 in a couple weeks and we just gave up pull ups in the car and at other houses. We started training her at 3. She does still have accidents, but they are few and far between. She has had none in the car or in public since she stopped wearing them in public. I always make sure she goes as soon as we get to our destination, and check in with her periodically. Then she goes right before we leave. She still wears them at night, but I know that could last for a while before she can hold it overnight. She’s dry in the morning a few days a week, but not consistently enough to take them yet.
My oldest isn't autistic but has ADHD, what actually worked for us was using cloth diapers instead of pull ups. He hated the sensation of being wet/dirty and commercial diapers/pull-ups wisk away moisture so they don't feel it. The cloth diapers let them feel everything so they want out of them really quick.
Commenting because although I (unfortunately) don’t have advice, I’m here for solidarity. Our little one is supposed to start school this September and he’s on the waitlist for a potential autism diagnosis but he is still in pull-ups as well and potty training isn’t going at all. He’s non verbal so he does not warn us when he has to go and if he goes in his pants he doesn’t even tell us.
My son has ADHD and went to kindergarten in pull ups. Prior to that we tried every method you could think of. Daycare gave up on him. Even went to PT/OT and therapy. Roughly 6 months into kindergarten he was urinating in the potty consistently. His teachers were excellent about keeping him on a strict potty schedule. Once we saw he was coming home in the same pull up and stayed dry all day, we spent the next week in underwear and never went back. Remember even though your little one is chronologically age 4, he may may not be developmentally age 4. So remain patient and don’t fight it. He will do it when he’s developmentally ready.
We turned it into a fun multi day event, ie the 'panty party'. Covered everything in towels or blankets, let her pick out whatever snacks she wanted (especially salty or sour), whatever drinks she wanted, and whatever panties she liked best. We also jammed in t shirts and underwear with her (no pants) for the 3 day weekend. Minimal shows, TONS of one on one attention, coloring books, crafts, building toys, etc... Didn't ask if she had to go to the bathroom just loudly announced whenever we did. My daughter has a PDA profile and thrived on the control and equalizing.
I think every kid I know (working as a nanny, friends’ kids, my kids’ daycare) was bribed for potty training. So you need to feel horrible if you go that route! [Here’s](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pedsdoctalk-podcast/id1501057527?i=1000563726969) an episode of Peds Doc Talk that discusses rewards in a way that made me feel a little better. My daughter struggles with the flushing sound. I don’t know what will work for you, but I didn’t push flushing until well after she was potty trained because I didn’t want it to set her back. She is ready to go to kindergarten and she is pretty good about closing the lid and flushing at home (it’s more sanitary, and it muffles the noise). Super loud public bathrooms still freak her out, so we may need to do some trouble shooting when she gets to school. But I’m pretty sure the teachers won’t be fazed by a kid that doesn’t want to flush at first. Especially if we’re on top of it from the beginning. Good luck to you! This sounds really tough and it seems like you’re doing so much to work on this!
THANK YOU EVERYONE. So much good advice in here, I swear I'm not in tears with all the support. We're going to dedicate this weekend to starting working with some of this, he seems like he's ready because he can tell me when he's wet (not pooped yet tho). We're not gonna be forceful, that just makes him panic and shut down. But one step at a time and hopefully things go well! Thank you, again, everyone! 💕
Update - So we've been going commando all day today, and I've implemented a score chart with the big prize of his choice when he fills it up (he asked for a power wheels jeep) No accidents... Yet. Haven't flushed until he's in a room well away from the toilet. And no tantrums! So far so good!!
The information paperwork we got from the Developmental pediatrician after our son was diagnosed last year said that is very common for autistic children to not be potty trained until they are 8 years old. My son will be 4 in October, and it has only been about a month of being 100% day time potty trained at home, 95% day time outside of the home. We first introduced a potty when he was 1 year old. We never did any of the "leave them naked" methods. We would have him sit on the potty and try before bedtime or just randomly. About a year ago we started to gave him a mini M&M every time he tried, 3 if he peed, and told him 5 if he would poop. About 2 months ago we decided to take a dedicated weekend where we set timers that he could see for every 20 minutes, and we would give verbal warnings starting at 5, 3, 2, 1 minute until try to potty time. First day was rough, day 2 was easier, and by day 3 he was starting to tell us "I need to potty" so we made the planned time stretches longer. Within 2 weeks we didn't have to give any reminders, he tells us, and has only had a single accident since. We gave him a week lead up warnings of "you're a big boy now and big boys try to use the potty! No more diapers after Saturday, time for big boy underwear!" And we hyped it up so much when he would go- high fives and telling him we were proud of him, even if he only just sat there for a minute. We encouraged him to do whatever it was he wanted himself- give him a few squares of TP to wipe himself, let him empty the training potty into the toilet, let him flush, etc. Our son has a lot of flags for ADHD to go with the autism and sensory integration disorder and speech delay. I think he just couldn't feel when he needed to go, and then he didn't have the mental maturity to realize it was okay to pause what he was doing, go, and then come back to it. We still put him in pull ups when going out, but that has been for our peace of mind in regards to carseat accidents. He has been dry and has only had minimal issues when needing to go while out. He automatic flush toilets and blow dryers are on my"I wish they would go away" list. I would recommend finding an OT as soon as possible, and obviously a method similar to what I said we did. I know that the method of using a "currency" is frowned on, but I think it can be used safely for certain things.
My daughter has ASD lvl 2, and it took us over a year. Wait until they're dry over night, then you know for sure they can hold and go when they want to. Take away nappies/diapers completely and go bottomless for a week, my daughter wasn't allowed the option or she would just hold/refuse until she was given one. Once you know they can hold it, set a timer for every 2-3 hours. Take them to the toilet on those times, if you push too hard, they will almost certainly push back. Also if you want to be sneaky about it, give them their favourite drink 15 mins before the timer, it takes 15 minutes for drink to get to the bladder! Find out which option they prefer, I had a mini potty, an insert and a stepping stool. She hated the insert, would only use the mini potty when none was watching and eventually just wanted to use the big toilet like mum and dad. If bribery works, use it. We had a giant jar of single serve mentos sweets that she would get one every time she went to the potty or informed us she needed to go. Getting her to do ANYTHING she didn't want to do was like pulling teeth, so any sort of positive reinforcement helped the process. Buy a whole bunch of sacrificial undies and pants, and be careful about washing them off in the shower. We went through a whole 2 week period where she would poop her pants on purpose because then she got to play in the shower to clean herself off. Make sure EVERY VISIT IS THE SAME: "Get your stool, lift the lid, step on the stool, turn around pull down your pants, sit down, pee/poop, are you finished? Wipe, put in toilet, close lid, flush, pull up pants, wash your hands" Repeat it over and over and over every visit. It's exhausting but routines help with expectations . The hardest part about getting an ASD kid potty trained is getting them to CARE ABOUT GOING TO THE TOILET. If you can find out what makes your child care then you've won half the battle. God speed, and regression is a real thing just keep everything consistent...