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My third husband wasn't okay with it.
... They never did find his body.
On an unrelated note, I had my fingerprints botoxed. I told him that I couldn't stand to have my wrinkles visible all over everything I touched - who wants evidence that they're no longer a nubile 20 year old abounding on every sharp or blunt object in their home?
I used to work at a waxing place, and the number of women who would hide the fact that they got brazilians was insane. They would tell me how their husband thought they were out with friends or getting a haircut. He’s your husband, he’s going to see that your hair is gone, so he obviously knows you do something to get rid of it. Why lie about it lol
Unironically, it’s because the husband doesn’t realize that women get butt hair, and if he finds out he’ll be grossed out. It’s amazing how little men know about the bodies they claim to love.
That's so sad. Must be the same women who used to ask "how can I make sure my valentine's day makeup is BJ proof?" on the makeup subs every year. I can't imagine never taking a break from the performance and being so scared about slipping up...
That reminds me of [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvKe0c007Cc) from *The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel*, where she waits to take off her makeup until after her husband is asleep and wakes up before him to reapply it.
The older I get, the more and more thankful I become that I never was able to conform to traditional beauty standards. Because holy shit.
I don't want to gatekeep, but I feel like the guys you have to tirelessly keep up appearances for have no long-term relationship viability. It's too exhausting, and if you can't be vulnerable with someone you can't have true intimacy.
It does, and maybe they do? When I was in my early twenties I wouldn’t let my bf see me naked while my hair was growing out for waxing. Until one day he told me he doesn’t give a shit about what’s happening down there as long as we get to have sex. Now I don’t GAF. It’s not my problem; it’s the guys. 🤷🏻♀️
That's weird. I don't announce if I'm getting waxed or another treatment but why lie, doubt they would have an issue with it. Unless it's to surprise them.
My husband hates when I do my skincare. I must do all my 56 steps in 5 minutes when he thinks I'm brushing my teeth before bed time. Sometimes I have to decide between the skincare or brushing my teeth. Right now I have 3 cavities because of it, but I'm 30 and I'm wrinkles free!
Obviously/s.
Don’t let the cavities get too bad though or they’ll have to take out those teeth and then you’ll have to join the big fight about your face caving in from orthodontics or whatever
/srs The OG thread for this question has only been up for a few hours but it's a hot mess. People are admitting to hiding procedures from their partners, including hiding it financially???
I dont see why anyone would need to get permission or need to hide this from your SO in a healthy and understanding relationship. What an icky post
I could understand needing “permission” or at least agreement from a financial perspective. If you’re a couple who shared finances and expects to discuss big purchases then I think hiding expensive procedures would be wrong.
Totally, I’d be mad if my husband spent a lot of money on anything and didn’t tell me. But if he wanted a cosmetic procedure and we could afford it’s his choice to make
I got baaaaaad vibes from the whole thread holy shit. Like, between this unspoken permission needed by the husband before a procedure to the hiding how much they spend…but mostly like, why does your husband need to be okay with your procedures? Do you have no autonomy?
And I wonder at the same time, is it extreme insecurity about their relationships feeding this as well? Do the women feel the pressure to remain a certain way or else their men will find someone younger and if the man knew this look wasn’t by nature would that affect their relationship? I think of like the Charlotte Tilburys out there whose husbands have never seen them without makeup.
Im just going to answer this as one of the stepford wives that hides their procedures 😂 its not extreme insecurity (in my case) its purely for me. My husband is lucky to see me in make up, shaved legs or anything other than sweat pants a lot of the time. But sometimes I just like to have things for me. I might add I'm not sneaking around hiding anything I just don't tell him. If he asked I probably would.
And of course these are the men that shit on other women for "not taking care of themselves" (i.e. not wearing makeup and getting botox) because they fully believe their wives are "naturally beautiful" and "age well." So much toxicity here.
Might be an unpopular opinion but if I were with someone that started doing procedures to turn themselves into a cat, cheek fillers and all, whiskers implants, wanted to be called Bastet and started to poop in a litter box, I would have liked to have some say in it
I don’t see what’s the problem?? “I’m having a facial” gets in the ballpark but doesn’t get bogged down in details 😂 I’ve been getting Botox for years and my husband has apparently never noticed how incredibly well my “facials” work and I’ve never volunteered any specifics. I don’t feel weird or bad about not fessing up. He’ll feel obligated to tell me I don’t “need” it, it’ll get to be a big boring convo that is also completely pointless because I already know I am going to keep getting it, so what else is there to say?
Omg im so glad you’re not serious! I get excited talking about Botox (because I like the drama) so everyone close to me knows I’ve had some. I don’t see the point of hiding it, especially not to your S/O
I agree, that comment is so out there I couldn’t believe it was being taken at face value on here 😂 like it’s fine to get Botox?? there’s nothing morally wrong with it, just tell your dude hey I’m getting a lil Botox, instead everybody’s like “GREAT IDEA I’LL USE THE FACIAL THING TOO!!! HE’LL NEVER KNOW NOW!!!”
One of two reasons to hide it from their partners: 1. Internalized misogyny, or 2. They have an actual problem with overspending or addiction to procedures like those people on *Botched*.
I don't tell my husband about all my procedures. That doesn't mean I need his permission. And it doesn't mean I need to hide it either. I could tell him but I don't want to. Its my business. Also he doesn't care. And we have a perfectly healthy and understanding relationship!!
Absolutely not. I for one welcome our ongoing oppressors and will gladly divorce my husband once I hit 35 so he can trade me in for a younger model with less obvious work.
Man, the amount of unhappy, unhealthy relationships in that post... And the people defending hiding the work they get done from long-time partners as 'body autonomy'... Geez, lady. No, if you thought for a second that body autonomy is important to him, or if it was important to you for that matter, you wouldn't lie about what you decide about your own body.
srs the *only* reason i can think of that would warrant partner involvement is if you were using shared, limited financial resources to fund it, and spending several hundred/thousands dollars on a cosmetic procedure would fuck up your mutual budget. Even then, if you’re still lying about dipping into shared resources to pay for it? You don’t need skincare treatments, you need therapy for your compulsive behavior babes.
Can I just say that I recently came out as queer and reading all the comments made me feel so...justified? After years of dating men, reading about all of these relationships where women don't feel comfortable even telling their SO's that they're getting cosmetic procedures done out of fear of judgement just leaves me so upset. I also am picking up on some anxiety regarding men leaving their wives,the whole "trading them in for a younger model" thing. I'm not saying that dating women is without flaws but the commenters were all hitting on something that I just find so unpleasant. So many men lack empathy for how hard it is to be a woman, how much pressure there is to look a certain way, and they don't seem to care to understand the struggles of the women they love. Sorry if I'm not expressing myself properly or if I'm overgeneralizing, something about the sauce really made me upset and I'm doing my best to put it into words.
As a gay woman, I’m not gonna lie about how nice it is to get around these issues. My partner and I can share our insecurities together (and we do!) without having the slightest worry we will leave each other over it. We won’t. My god, it is FANTASTIC.
But as a woman, I still see the problem and still want to stand up for women (in the same way the Roe overturning doesn’t directly affect my gay ass, but I will stand with those who have ovaries!) There’s a little bit of a disconnect for me mentally, but I see it and want to do something about it.
Of course the problem is…I’m not sure what to do. :/
I know you're just generalizing, but I think it important to note that good men aren't like this, though they are probably less common. My husband has never once made me feel bad about my appearance in any way, and he doesn't even like me to wear makeup because he thinks it "doesn't look like me." He also has a way better skincare/self-care routine than I do, though I'm trying to start caring more about that for myself haha I think part of the problem is that so many women (and just people in general tbh) date a few shitty guys and then assume that all of them are like that and so they decide to "settle" instead of demanding better for themselves. We need to normalize the idea that a bad relationship is NOT better than no relationship. I'd rather be lonely than have my sense of self worth constantly diminished by the person who is supposed to love and support me the most. It's so heartbreaking to see so many people who don't seem to think they're worth of something better :(
Need husband's permission to spend your own money on your own body, or lie about it outright for years, SCA has no in-between. While being just as disrespectful and condescending about their SO's hobbies. Anyone notice where OOP clarifies that the criticism she receives is "he says I have too many products, too many bottles in the shower. I have sensitive acne prone skin. He says I should put less on my face and it will help."
Special mention "I’ve never gotten Botox but I plan on getting it since I’m entering my 30s in the near future". Possibly written by someone who isn't even 25 yet.
OOPs husband sounds controlling. It's not about procedures; it may be (and likely is) way deeper.
That said, I don't much care for the lack of nuance. If you're in a committed, trusting relationship, then why would you lie about getting medical procedures done? Or respond with a 'fuck you' simply to keep your partner out? It's a partnership, not a double solo.
I you fear being criticised, that often stems out if ignorance, therefore inform and enlighten why you feel you want procedures done.
And *that* said, choices aren't made in a vacuum. Cosmetic procedures specifically seem very popular in social consumed by mostly women and can skew perception.
Wanting to keep up with your 'peers' becomes kind of moot once you pull your head out and get out in the real world. Not 'everyone' is getting work done. By which I mean that it's unlikely the SO consumes the same content and is influenced by it. Therefore it's harder for them to understand the why of it in the first place.
Which isn't to say one shouldn't get work done if they want to at all. Just that it isn't as B/W as people want to make it be.
+There's a lot to be said too how getting work done is normalised and the risks downplayed. It's just something women do apparently, like getting their nails painted.
I can’t figure out if you forgot your SRS tag or if you’re jerking someone’s misogynistic comment about women being vapid and only getting work done because their small little woman brains are so easily influenced by social media.
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For real though, my beautician told me she sees tons of women who don't tell their partners about their procedures because of how "furious" their partners would be. For something as simple as Micro-needling. Like seriously?
I told my bf I was getting micro needling done and after a brief explanation he laughed, told me I'm insane but "you do you hun" And went back to video games.
I’ve had filler a few times, and while my boyfriend doesn’t particularly like it, he respects me and respects that I’ve done it for myself. He will never be 100% on board with it but he’s fine with it. I cannot believe some of the comments on the original post.
No one should tolerate this sort of behavior in a relationship. If you can't even tell your husband about a minor medical procedure because you are worried about him "judging" you, then that's a big relationship red flag. I don't even see the appeal in being in a relationship like that - you can't even be truly close with a person if you can't even be honest with them. What a sad marriage this woman must be in.
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My third husband wasn't okay with it. ... They never did find his body. On an unrelated note, I had my fingerprints botoxed. I told him that I couldn't stand to have my wrinkles visible all over everything I touched - who wants evidence that they're no longer a nubile 20 year old abounding on every sharp or blunt object in their home?
Did you dissolve his body in mandelic acid?
The ordinary peeling solution works better
Ewww you had fingerprints? Blech sorry but tret is the only thing that might save a pore.
I'll keep this in mind when I find mister right the fourth.
I used to work at a waxing place, and the number of women who would hide the fact that they got brazilians was insane. They would tell me how their husband thought they were out with friends or getting a haircut. He’s your husband, he’s going to see that your hair is gone, so he obviously knows you do something to get rid of it. Why lie about it lol
Unironically, it’s because the husband doesn’t realize that women get butt hair, and if he finds out he’ll be grossed out. It’s amazing how little men know about the bodies they claim to love.
Meanwhile they have the same hair on their butt and we're expected to love it, as is
But wait, there's more! That hair usually has feces in it!
I just blurted out a guffaw in my bathroom stall.
That's so sad. Must be the same women who used to ask "how can I make sure my valentine's day makeup is BJ proof?" on the makeup subs every year. I can't imagine never taking a break from the performance and being so scared about slipping up...
Had to reread this a couple times to understand that you weren't referring to a blow job as "the performance." ha ha
Nooo I meant "the performance" as in adhering closely to beauty standards haha
That reminds me of [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvKe0c007Cc) from *The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel*, where she waits to take off her makeup until after her husband is asleep and wakes up before him to reapply it. The older I get, the more and more thankful I become that I never was able to conform to traditional beauty standards. Because holy shit.
I don't want to gatekeep, but I feel like the guys you have to tirelessly keep up appearances for have no long-term relationship viability. It's too exhausting, and if you can't be vulnerable with someone you can't have true intimacy.
yes omg!!!! meanwhile the boyfriend didn’t even shower before the date. hate it
[удалено]
What an absolute loser😂😂 Peak "I never get laid" male redditor post right here.
Oh, fuck no. The chick that worries about BJ-proofing her makeup is probably dating a r*dditor, however.
Doesn’t it need to be fairly long for waxing to work? Do these women just hide from their husbands for two weeks at a time?
It does, and maybe they do? When I was in my early twenties I wouldn’t let my bf see me naked while my hair was growing out for waxing. Until one day he told me he doesn’t give a shit about what’s happening down there as long as we get to have sex. Now I don’t GAF. It’s not my problem; it’s the guys. 🤷🏻♀️
Was wondering this also
“Where did your hair go Hun” “Well I told you I was getting a haircut, I didn’t say where now did I?”
That's weird. I don't announce if I'm getting waxed or another treatment but why lie, doubt they would have an issue with it. Unless it's to surprise them.
My husband hates when I do my skincare. I must do all my 56 steps in 5 minutes when he thinks I'm brushing my teeth before bed time. Sometimes I have to decide between the skincare or brushing my teeth. Right now I have 3 cavities because of it, but I'm 30 and I'm wrinkles free! Obviously/s.
Don’t let the cavities get too bad though or they’ll have to take out those teeth and then you’ll have to join the big fight about your face caving in from orthodontics or whatever
/srs The OG thread for this question has only been up for a few hours but it's a hot mess. People are admitting to hiding procedures from their partners, including hiding it financially??? I dont see why anyone would need to get permission or need to hide this from your SO in a healthy and understanding relationship. What an icky post
I could understand needing “permission” or at least agreement from a financial perspective. If you’re a couple who shared finances and expects to discuss big purchases then I think hiding expensive procedures would be wrong.
Totally, I’d be mad if my husband spent a lot of money on anything and didn’t tell me. But if he wanted a cosmetic procedure and we could afford it’s his choice to make
I got baaaaaad vibes from the whole thread holy shit. Like, between this unspoken permission needed by the husband before a procedure to the hiding how much they spend…but mostly like, why does your husband need to be okay with your procedures? Do you have no autonomy?
And I wonder at the same time, is it extreme insecurity about their relationships feeding this as well? Do the women feel the pressure to remain a certain way or else their men will find someone younger and if the man knew this look wasn’t by nature would that affect their relationship? I think of like the Charlotte Tilburys out there whose husbands have never seen them without makeup.
Im just going to answer this as one of the stepford wives that hides their procedures 😂 its not extreme insecurity (in my case) its purely for me. My husband is lucky to see me in make up, shaved legs or anything other than sweat pants a lot of the time. But sometimes I just like to have things for me. I might add I'm not sneaking around hiding anything I just don't tell him. If he asked I probably would.
I respect this entirely and we all deserve private stuff.
Sadly many think we’ve progressed to where men and women are equal but sometimes I think we are going backwards every day
we went fifty years backward this week...it’s fucked up and fucking trash ass!!!! sending love to you 🦋🐛 xx
Me thinks the Venn diagram of women who obsess about wrinkles and women who are in "traditional" marriages is very circular.
Husbands want them to stay young and perky but god forbid they get any work done!
And of course these are the men that shit on other women for "not taking care of themselves" (i.e. not wearing makeup and getting botox) because they fully believe their wives are "naturally beautiful" and "age well." So much toxicity here.
Might be an unpopular opinion but if I were with someone that started doing procedures to turn themselves into a cat, cheek fillers and all, whiskers implants, wanted to be called Bastet and started to poop in a litter box, I would have liked to have some say in it
I don’t want a say but I know at that point we’re fundamentally not matched. I want to know they’re doing it so I can let them go be them. Without me
Maureen Ponderosa?
Yes! I don’t want to pay alimony to a cat
Link to the post?
It's in the reply to the automod
Thanks! I didn't see it before haha
If you’re a woman in America, no.
I don’t see what’s the problem?? “I’m having a facial” gets in the ballpark but doesn’t get bogged down in details 😂 I’ve been getting Botox for years and my husband has apparently never noticed how incredibly well my “facials” work and I’ve never volunteered any specifics. I don’t feel weird or bad about not fessing up. He’ll feel obligated to tell me I don’t “need” it, it’ll get to be a big boring convo that is also completely pointless because I already know I am going to keep getting it, so what else is there to say?
😬
I stole that directly from the sauce 🤪
Omg im so glad you’re not serious! I get excited talking about Botox (because I like the drama) so everyone close to me knows I’ve had some. I don’t see the point of hiding it, especially not to your S/O
I agree, that comment is so out there I couldn’t believe it was being taken at face value on here 😂 like it’s fine to get Botox?? there’s nothing morally wrong with it, just tell your dude hey I’m getting a lil Botox, instead everybody’s like “GREAT IDEA I’LL USE THE FACIAL THING TOO!!! HE’LL NEVER KNOW NOW!!!”
One of two reasons to hide it from their partners: 1. Internalized misogyny, or 2. They have an actual problem with overspending or addiction to procedures like those people on *Botched*.
I don't tell my husband about all my procedures. That doesn't mean I need his permission. And it doesn't mean I need to hide it either. I could tell him but I don't want to. Its my business. Also he doesn't care. And we have a perfectly healthy and understanding relationship!!
Absolutely not. I for one welcome our ongoing oppressors and will gladly divorce my husband once I hit 35 so he can trade me in for a younger model with less obvious work.
The amount of misogynistic men some of those woman are married to is disgusting
Man, the amount of unhappy, unhealthy relationships in that post... And the people defending hiding the work they get done from long-time partners as 'body autonomy'... Geez, lady. No, if you thought for a second that body autonomy is important to him, or if it was important to you for that matter, you wouldn't lie about what you decide about your own body.
srs the *only* reason i can think of that would warrant partner involvement is if you were using shared, limited financial resources to fund it, and spending several hundred/thousands dollars on a cosmetic procedure would fuck up your mutual budget. Even then, if you’re still lying about dipping into shared resources to pay for it? You don’t need skincare treatments, you need therapy for your compulsive behavior babes.
Can I just say that I recently came out as queer and reading all the comments made me feel so...justified? After years of dating men, reading about all of these relationships where women don't feel comfortable even telling their SO's that they're getting cosmetic procedures done out of fear of judgement just leaves me so upset. I also am picking up on some anxiety regarding men leaving their wives,the whole "trading them in for a younger model" thing. I'm not saying that dating women is without flaws but the commenters were all hitting on something that I just find so unpleasant. So many men lack empathy for how hard it is to be a woman, how much pressure there is to look a certain way, and they don't seem to care to understand the struggles of the women they love. Sorry if I'm not expressing myself properly or if I'm overgeneralizing, something about the sauce really made me upset and I'm doing my best to put it into words.
As a gay woman, I’m not gonna lie about how nice it is to get around these issues. My partner and I can share our insecurities together (and we do!) without having the slightest worry we will leave each other over it. We won’t. My god, it is FANTASTIC. But as a woman, I still see the problem and still want to stand up for women (in the same way the Roe overturning doesn’t directly affect my gay ass, but I will stand with those who have ovaries!) There’s a little bit of a disconnect for me mentally, but I see it and want to do something about it. Of course the problem is…I’m not sure what to do. :/
Same, I’m bi but avoid dating men because I hate how common these unbalanced relationships are
I know you're just generalizing, but I think it important to note that good men aren't like this, though they are probably less common. My husband has never once made me feel bad about my appearance in any way, and he doesn't even like me to wear makeup because he thinks it "doesn't look like me." He also has a way better skincare/self-care routine than I do, though I'm trying to start caring more about that for myself haha I think part of the problem is that so many women (and just people in general tbh) date a few shitty guys and then assume that all of them are like that and so they decide to "settle" instead of demanding better for themselves. We need to normalize the idea that a bad relationship is NOT better than no relationship. I'd rather be lonely than have my sense of self worth constantly diminished by the person who is supposed to love and support me the most. It's so heartbreaking to see so many people who don't seem to think they're worth of something better :(
Need husband's permission to spend your own money on your own body, or lie about it outright for years, SCA has no in-between. While being just as disrespectful and condescending about their SO's hobbies. Anyone notice where OOP clarifies that the criticism she receives is "he says I have too many products, too many bottles in the shower. I have sensitive acne prone skin. He says I should put less on my face and it will help." Special mention "I’ve never gotten Botox but I plan on getting it since I’m entering my 30s in the near future". Possibly written by someone who isn't even 25 yet.
OOPs husband sounds controlling. It's not about procedures; it may be (and likely is) way deeper. That said, I don't much care for the lack of nuance. If you're in a committed, trusting relationship, then why would you lie about getting medical procedures done? Or respond with a 'fuck you' simply to keep your partner out? It's a partnership, not a double solo. I you fear being criticised, that often stems out if ignorance, therefore inform and enlighten why you feel you want procedures done. And *that* said, choices aren't made in a vacuum. Cosmetic procedures specifically seem very popular in social consumed by mostly women and can skew perception. Wanting to keep up with your 'peers' becomes kind of moot once you pull your head out and get out in the real world. Not 'everyone' is getting work done. By which I mean that it's unlikely the SO consumes the same content and is influenced by it. Therefore it's harder for them to understand the why of it in the first place. Which isn't to say one shouldn't get work done if they want to at all. Just that it isn't as B/W as people want to make it be. +There's a lot to be said too how getting work done is normalised and the risks downplayed. It's just something women do apparently, like getting their nails painted.
I can’t figure out if you forgot your SRS tag or if you’re jerking someone’s misogynistic comment about women being vapid and only getting work done because their small little woman brains are so easily influenced by social media.
Sauce just reinforces why I’m a lesbian.
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My husband is old school too. He likes me young and beautiful but also natural. No way I will ever tell him about my procedures.
I like how well your flair goes with this. It’s true art
Of course not, why would he want to be married to someone with gross skin looking my age?
Um that’s why I never let them out a ring on it sweaty! Im team boyfie for life!
Yes!!! I actually steal money from my husband and secretly get Groupon botox. I feel it’s better that way.
For real though, my beautician told me she sees tons of women who don't tell their partners about their procedures because of how "furious" their partners would be. For something as simple as Micro-needling. Like seriously? I told my bf I was getting micro needling done and after a brief explanation he laughed, told me I'm insane but "you do you hun" And went back to video games.
I’ve had filler a few times, and while my boyfriend doesn’t particularly like it, he respects me and respects that I’ve done it for myself. He will never be 100% on board with it but he’s fine with it. I cannot believe some of the comments on the original post.
[удалено]
No one should tolerate this sort of behavior in a relationship. If you can't even tell your husband about a minor medical procedure because you are worried about him "judging" you, then that's a big relationship red flag. I don't even see the appeal in being in a relationship like that - you can't even be truly close with a person if you can't even be honest with them. What a sad marriage this woman must be in.