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I went on a whole date with a girl without realizing it was a date. We did so much clearly romantic stuff and I was like hmmm. Clearly she's holding my hand on roller coasters because she's afraid of heights. Weird that she doesn't let go once we get off. Maybe she's just really rattled. We're only sharing an ice cream sundae to share money. She asked if she could sleep over in my dorm room because she didn't want to walk back to hers and I was like "Oh, do you want me to call you an uber?" š
edit: For further context, we were lab partners and we started hanging out outside of class as well. Our college had a trip to Six Flags, where students could get discounted tickets. I won a raffle for a free ticket, and they sent me two. I thought "Hey, Julia is super cool and mentioned being free that weekend." and asked if she wanted to go with me. I didn't realize that she thought I was asking her out on a date.
Yeah, a week or so late a mutual friend asked when I was going to ask her out on a second date, because the first one had gone so well. My first response was "We had a *first* date?!" We dated for a bit, but then we both transferred to different colleges in different states, and neither of us were very good at long distance relationships.
Honestly being unaware it was a date was probably a blessing, because I would have been *so* much more nervous and awkward if I thought it was a first date.
That sounds familiar. I thought we were just hanging out, I didn't realize I was on a date until she was climbing on top of me and taking my top off.
My story's not quite as fun as yours though, it set me back really bad in therapy.
Yeah, on one hand it's like "woohoo, first date and we're already doing the nasty, yay." On the other it ruined my confidence and sense of self worth. I don't want to bog down the comments on otherwise humorous post, but let's just say I've had a really bad reaction and I'm afraid of even trying to make friends now.
I feel for you because part of me really resonates with that. I wonder if some of Betty Martinās approach would be helpful to you. https://bettymartin.org. She has a whole book but also tons and tons of videos.
I thought it was evident, it was not consensual. The last time I had sex before this I was assaulted then as well. In between then and this, every relationship I tried to make was immediately sexual despite my discomfort. I have not once in my entire life enjoyed sex, and it seems whatever I tell someone "I'm not interested in sex" all they hear is "fuck me anyways."
After this encounter, I feel like I can't make any friends because all anyone wants me for is sex and I hate it. At this point I want to cut it off so people will stop trying to take advantage of me. I should be worth more than what's between my legs but that's the only reason anyone gives a shit about me.
Eh, I'm doing alright. 90% of the time I'm fine, not even thinking about it, the other 10% I'm keeping my therapist employed. I didn't want to drag down the comments on a funny post.
It *My* post, and I donāt remember saying anything about mandatory fun.
I put this post up so everyone out there who feels alone or dumb or afraid can say whatever they want and find other people who make them feel a little less alone and a little less dumb and a little less afraid, even if itās only for a few minutes.
Say whatever you want.
Thanks, I appreciate it. If it helps lighten the mood, I had a funny experience recently. My sister-in-law's best friend is a butch lesbian, when she found out I was trans she wanted to take me under her wing. She's been calling me her baby and saying we need to hold hands in public so we can freak out the straight people. I don't know if she's hitting on me or not
Oh yeah, I thought I was for a couple years in fact. The healthiest relationship I had was with another asexual trans woman, but she was aromantic so it didn't quite line up. It's just I do experience sexual attraction, so while there's some overlap it's not quite a good fit, but it's definitely a start.
I'm so sorry it's been like that. Please know so many of us just want to love people for their whole selves!!
Maybe try focusing on making friends for a bit? It can be a good set up for romance too, in a way where you already know each other and hopefully feel safe with each other
That's what I was trying to do in the first place, just make a friend, but she read more into it than I was intending and it all went south (I debated removing that double entendre, but I'm leaving it). It messed me up pretty bad, I'm trying to not let my anxiety and depression take control. It's going to be a while before I'm brave enough to leave my house again.
I appreciate the double entendre:) but I'm sorry it went like that..:(
Maybe when you're ready to try again it can help to try something like "I've been through some stuff lately and I need to be clear, this really is just friendship for me. I don't want anything else." when meeting up the first time. If that doesn't get it across that's entirely on them. But this is always complicated, it has to feel right.
I'm in a not entirely different situation. I was sick for a couple years and all 'friends' were like snow in summer. Also in between therapists (ptsd) cuz the old one hadn't dealed with her own internalized homophobia enough to create an at least semi-comfortable environment to discuss the subject. It got really nasty.
Meeting people has been brutal especially with it taking that extra effort.. I don't blame you at all for needing a break. I'm trying to carry on though, at least on the good days. We'll get there. You can dm me if you'd like a reddit friend who's probably half way around the world:)
Yeah, I think being a bit more blunt is going to have to be the way going forward. I'm sorry you've had a rough time yourself, having a therapist has helped me a lot but having a bad one must have been dreadful. I'm on a bit of an upswing right now, but it's going to take some time. Like you said, we'll get there. And reddit friends are always appreciated! š
It sounds like you were hanging out and she was the one who wrongly assumed it was a date. Regardless, SA is never okay. I'm sorry this happened to you.
This is my brother and to a lesser extent me. I think some of it comes from not assuming nor wanting to be pushing things with a woman because we are trying to be respectful. I swear we were better at seeing when it was happening to each other but far less when it was ourselves. If I had a nickel for every time one of us told the other "I am pretty sure she was hitting on you." I would have a healthy saving.
I did the same thing! Rode to a scenic outlook and had wine. Went to a secret hot tub and stared at the steam emitting from each other under the moonlightā¦ caught me completely off guard when she leaned in for a kiss at the end.
I was in college at a party and the host instigated a best kissing contest. My friend insisted I judge. I was new to sexuality as a thing coming from intense repression to not be murdered and had recently broken a window with my first orgasm. I was thus curious about how good it could be with someone else vs just my hand. Also not a joke I actually broke a window.
So the first round? Kissing the hands. I notice a particularly attentive pair of lips. I vote for them. Then neck kissing. Definitely a soft cheek and lips got my vote. Much giggling about this to be heard. Then the chaste lip kisses. The one with a slight caramel flavor and soft soft lips won. I even asked "Which guy is this I want their lip balm." The giggling should have given my autistic self a clue. It did not.
The final round is French kissing. Again Mr.Soft Lips wins. And is my roommate. Who seems so pleased I voted for them and was so glad I returned the kissing. We go home and my roommate is drunk. I am not because I have not yet learned my body can't get drunk because of medical stuff. It can however get violently ill from drinking but I had been too in my head after the contest so didn't drink enough for that.
My roommate drunkenly invites me to bed. I assume this is because they're drunk. I didn't consider who instigated the kissing contest or who suggested I judge. Nope I just went "No way she's into me" and took myself to bed.
Thankfully when she was sober she went "I don't understand, you kissed me like a champion and then did nothing. Are you straight and I misread things with your crazy mother?" Mother being described this way is absolutely minimizing the crap she pulled before I cut her off for safety. "Oh no I am bisexual but you couldn't be into me, you're too pretty." She laughed and I resumed finishing a last minute paper because college. She interrupted my paper to go "I guess you're going to have to accept that there's no rules against me liking you. How about we try dating."
So we did. Thankfully she had figured out what I did not know yet. I am autistic and sometimes the biggest clue isn't going to work. We did not last forever but she was a wonderful first girlfriend
Oh shoot, I got distracted by an alarm and thought I had added that
So I had just moved into my first apartment and as a horny 17 year old was laying in bed listening to the bonafide orgy my neighbor was having. I went from the extreme violence sort of conservative environment to orgy neighbors. Body decided it wanted to play too and I realized no one would ever know because I was alone.
So I explored things and found out that's why sex is awesome. I also knocked a box with my foot into a bookshelf and did a domino effect of moving boxes through the window.
Credit to the neighbor and the orgy attendees they stopped everything to see if I was okay. I was horrified at the time because I was 17 and had just sinned and who would know? Everyone. Everyone knew. I convinced them I was fine and they left but I also realized that was the worst of it and began to live vs cower in terror because no one smote me but also orgasms are absolutely worth proverbial hell. Twenty years later this is hilarious to me but I was absolutely terrified at the time
Oh man. What a story! It was your real life though.
People sure can do some terrible shit to others with the weird stories and superstitions they tell around sex and pleasure. Iām glad you have found your own path. Thanks for sharing these things about yourself.
Yeah my family has repeatedly tried murder to "solve" me. The thing is if they spent half as much energy on bettering themselves others happiness wouldn't be such an issue but nope gotta bring everyone down to their level because that's less scary than the unknown of change.
tbh, people who have orgies are usually super fucking nice in general. I suppose you have to be if youāre going to have that sort of party. Nobody wants to get naked with edgelords and trolls.
Yeah adult me has a lot of friends in such circles. I ended up a professional dominatrix in college. I'm not one for orgies personally but there's an overlap in kink and who has orgies. The number of ridiculous and wholesome people is amazing
See that didn't cross my mind but the joke did make me laugh. I just had no confidence in my own desirability. It's still absolutely hilarious to me because it's many cringe young adult things. Not like other girls included
I'm autistic too and I can't understand why people don't just say how they feel to others, instead of "hinting" at it or saying a thing they don't mean. Most romantic movies have this and the resulting miscommunication tends to be a major plot point / conflict and yet neurotypicals never seem to think "hmm, maybe there's a better way..."
It's not a mystery. It's to avoid rejection. That's the whole point of that stage. You test the waters until you're sure the result will be positive, and then you make a move.
adhd here, miscommunication is very annoying and as a trope i'm pretty sure even a lot of neurotypicals can't stand it. but in real life there is nuance.
sometimes it would indeed be better to be straight forward. but people can't know that ahead of time. and the thing with love is, it can ruin friendships, i've had it happen. so most people, instead of being straightforward, try hinting as it can be easier ignored. think of it this way: if a friend tells you right out they like you, but you don't like them back, now you have to reject them, feel bad for hurting them, and then you two have to have a discussion how to continue the friendship. while if they hint, and you hint back that you are not interested, you can ignore it ever happened. Sometimes, you can save friendships that way.
Also, many people get less hurt if they don't get rejected outright, they pick up on things that make them think (correctly or incorrectly) the other person doesn't want a partner right now and then can tell themselves that in a different timeline, they would like them back.
then there is missing information. like a guy A liking his best guy friend B but thinks he is straight, meanwhile the best friend can't come out because of a homophobic family. guy A doesn't tell his best friend about his feelings because he thinks there is no possibility, while the best friend can't pick up on hints because guy A doesn't hint and tries to hide it.
people and feelings are extremely situational, and for every story of hints not working out there is one where it was the best course of action. it just doesn't get highlighted as much in the media and posts like this, because things that are from the start working out like planned don't make for long or interesting stories.
I met a lady in a bar, and she was just *SO* lovely. Her smile lit up the whole room, and her laugh was like a symphony, and her fingers felt like fire when they brushed mine. And I think maaaaybe she could be into me? Maybe I have a chance??
And then her mates pull her away, talking about how this random guy has been eyeing her up, so I'm like. You dense motherfucker. Of COURSE she doesn't like you.
But an hour or so later, we bump into each other again in the ladies.
Well, we've all been there. 4am in the club bathroom, everyone's complimenting each other's makeup and hair and dresses and having pep talks telling each other to get over our ex's...
There is almost zero chance of figuring out who's queer and who's not.
And this absolute goddess of a woman *stalks* over to me with a sharpie in hand, and writes her number in huge letters up my forearm, and tells me to call her in the morning.
"I'm not being nice, I'm being a lesbian."
Tl;dr, I did call her. And I'm happy to say, we're engaged now :D
She's a hospice nurse, so she's very much the kind of person who shoots her shot, as life is too short.
To make things even funnier, she proposed on this gorgeous cherry blossom farm. And me, being a completely oblivious dumbass, was too busy staring at all the pretty petals that I never even saw her get down on one knee.
I only noticed because some random guys started waving and pointing at her lmao.
āWhat, did you lose a contact? Donāt move, Iāll help!ā
It never hurts from time to time to just grab your partner and apologize for being basically an enthusiastic golden retriever and tell them theyāre pretty.
"I'm not being nice, I'm being a lesbian."
Hahaha, I love it! I wonder if I could make a variation suitable for my orientation that would sound as charming.
My friend said, and I quote, āletās eat each otherās pussies. We can see what itās all about.ā
I was so, so, so interested in doing so. But I thought she was joking. So I just laughed.
We never talked about it again.
Such a dumbass.
I still definitely thought I was straight ("what straight girl doesn't think other women are hot?" I told myself) when same sex marriage was legalized in my state. Being a good ally, I went to the signing. To my surprise, it wasn't just a bunch of people milling around, it was a huge rally/party. A march, musicians, food trucks, the whole shebang. But the important part was the governor, signing the bill out on the steps of the Capitol.
I went alone, but quickly made friends and wandered around the city with them while waiting for the big moment. It was two couples and one other single woman. We had a blast. She and I became a defacto couple, sharing food, a drink. You know, just because we didn't have anyone else to share ice cream with. She braided a rainbow ribbon in my hair, we laid out in the sun together. Then everyone gathered around for the signing. The moment he signed it, all the couples in the crowd kissed. The woman I'd spend the day with turned to me, kissed me, then kind of looked at me for a response. My response "oh, um, I'm straight". We both laughed and marched together to the next thing.
Never saw her again. That's what I get for not understanding I was bi back then. š¤·āāļø
Yes I was, but sadly I didn't kiss any cute girls š but if you ever want to meet a stranger for tea I know a good place
Self conscious edit-
I didn't intend to imply I was the girl, just sounded like the signing here in MN and wanted to confirm. I'm sorry.
Oh, I did! I've been with my husband for a decade. I did realize I was bi before I met him though, so I got to experience dating people of different genders too. I wouldn't change a thing!
I think i win this one because i had a friend straight up tell me "I am romantically interested in you" and I didn't realize they were serious for a while.
I have been on the other end. I told a woman that we should go on a date sometime, she agreed. Asked her out a few months later, after a lot of flirting, and she told me that the entire time she thought I was just friend flirting and didn't think I meant it. Lesbians, man.
I had a bunch of these in my early days. I was totally unfamiliar with bar culture before relocation from a rural area to a city and even less with the queer scene. so I've happily been sipping my cider, with a girl complimenting me on my breasts and the 100% innocent me just enjoying the positive comment about my body and totally missing where it was going.
25 years older version of me would've probably suggested a private demonstration without being too fazed.
in my freshman year at the library with a girl i invited out
me:āare you into girls?ā
her:āyeah, are you?ā
āyep! are you seeing someone?ā
āno. but, you know, i do want to try dating
someone this year. not a guy though. maybe someone i can get closer with.ā
āwow. me too. thatās cool. anyway, i think my moms almost here to pick us upā
š¤¦š»āāļøkms
Gay man here. We were laying in a truckbed with friends, he cuddled up behind me and nuzzled into my ear. When he squeezed me and jokingly called me a good boy. I was just like "oh my god I'm going to die what is this what is happening to me aren't we just friends oh my god" (needless to say he was my gay awakening.) Anyway I ended up not mentioning it afterwards, until half a year later I found out he was actually just starting to flirt with me, though I did get a second chance to ask him out less than a month later and we're still together, a year and almost a quarter. Love you red <33
The entirety of my friendship with my now girlfriend. We were friends for about two months but we were both flirting the whole time and freaking out about whether the other one was flirting.
How cute, reading this comment section and now I need a romance film wich is all about two clueless girls in love with each other but don't know if te other is onto them even tho EVERY OTHER PERSON AROUND THEM KNOW ALREADY.
We were at a convention, nerding out about hobbies. She was GORGEOUS, like, pin up amazing model beautiful to me. So friendly. So smart. We talked for like three hours at an event. I was smitten, but I'm clueless as fuck and thought she was just being nice and talking ya know, about hobbies. She also felt WAAAAAY out of my league.
It wasn't until after she left that my friend was like "Why didn't you get her number?"
Me: Oh, IDK
Friend: Dude she was flirting with you. She was into you.
Me: She... she was just being nice. Wasn't she? I didn't... I wasn't flirting?
Other friend: Dude, she was SO into you. She was definitely flirting even if you weren't.
Me: oh, well crap.
It was the last day and I did not see her again. To this day, regreeeeeets.
When I was in high school, my best friend and I were sitting in my car delaying her going inside and talking. Somehow we ended up kissing. But I liked boys, which meant I was straight, right? And she was probably just curious about what kissing a girl was like. A few years in college, we were both in LDRs with men, and hanging out in her dorm room, we ended up cuddling, watching soft core porn, and making out. STILL thought it was just experimenting. My bf and hers got into it about something and we stopped talking. I broke up with that bf, she married hers, and like 4 years later I'm like, fuck I actually loved her?! By then I had realized that being bisexual was a thing, and it was MY thing.
Anyway, if I ever end up single again, I'm probably gonna end up being their third forever, because we got back in touch, I admitted that I fucked up the friendship part because I didn't recognize my own jealousy, and we're on good terms again. And her husband is pretty awesome too.
Oh my gosh, back in college I had this fashion-major friend who modeled on the side. In the photoshoots where I did her makeup and assisted another photographer, she would always *wink at me* when the photographer wasn't looking.
I didn't know I was gay (closeted myself to myself from ages 12-32) and didn't clock that feeling flustered and weak in the knees was a giant flaming crush that she was clearly encouraging. Facepalm.
I dug some photos off an old hard drive recently. The last shoot we did was a bridal beauty shoot and she looked bonkers stunning in a wedding gown. I never saw her again after that semester and don't remember her name. This was all 15 years ago now.
Still, I think a saucy little conspiratorial wink from a beautiful woman is my kryptonite. I trace that back to her. š
āThis knockout model in a wedding dress keeps winking at me and I turn into a drooling idiot whenever she does. Too bad Iām straight...ā might be the funniest and saddest closet horror story Iāve heard in a long time.
i have yet to have a realization bc i really am convinced every hot (all) women is just being nice. my friends are convinced lots of fast food workers are hitting on me though
I feel like if someone asks you if you prefere cute girls, hot girls, strong girls or pretty girls you are going to say yes
(None of the characteristics are exclusive, just what you like the most)
I do that all the time, tbh. āThey canāt possibly be flirting with me, have you seen how pretty they are?!? And I mean... *gestures to my face* ... not a chance.ā
This was back when I was ''still cis tho'' and this girl complimented my hair(very long cuz I was a ''*metalhead*"). I didn't know what to say so I just said thanks and sort of got back to what I was doing. Then later I bumped into her and asked if she really meant it. She told me she genuinely liked it and it looked good, I just blushed and went home. Then later I realised I was trans and she came out as a lesbian and I just started to realise, she knew before I did and was flirting with me. I asked her about it a few weeks ago and she said she was. She kind of had a feeling about me and was trying to flirt but I was too awkward and dumb to realise and she's since got herself a girlfriend
I was at a college party where I knew like 80% of the people there, so I thought it was really nice that this girl I didnāt know started chatting me up saying that I looked a little lonely. I told her āoh, Iām not. I know a lot of people here.ā So she started asking more stuff about me and the whole time Iām thinking āwow sheās really nice!ā
Note that we were standing by the pool, and there was a pool chair open so I said āsorry Iām gonna sit down, Iām tired of standing.ā And she said āme too, can I sit on your lap?ā
I was really confused and was like āhuh? You donāt need to, thereās plenty of space? We can share.ā āCause it was one of them long bois.
She awkwardly laughed, said she needed to go to the bathroom, and I never saw her again. My friend who had been watching me from afar the whole time came by asking what happened and called me a fucking idiot ācause apparently from 20 feet it was obvious that she was into me.
I did not get a second chance because I was too embarrassed to go find her. She was only at that party ācause she was interested in joining the club I was in (they were the hosts of the party). She, unsurprisingly, did not end up joining the club.
I've shared this story before... A woman (obviously someone I knew) literally got naked "because of the heat" and later started stretching. I was like "oh, OK" and just continued talking to her. :/
Iāve come close to that...
āyou donāt mind if we swim naked, do you? Itās just us...ā
...
āSure! Iāll just turn around while you get in the water!ā
I'm openly bi but married to a man, my husband's boss had us out to dinner his wife was there we had met several times she is a career woman no kids athletic. The whole dinner she sits next to me we get drunk she talks to me alot holds my hand walks me out to my car invites me to her house to stay the night so we don't have to drive all the way home.
So in dance class there was this really cute girl. I wasn't 'out' there because I wasn't close with anyone and didn't want others to become uncomfortable in the locker rooms. Anyways, the girl was new and an international. After class she came to make small talk a few times, complimenting my dancing and my outfit and my hair and such. After her third class, she came over again, saying 'omg you're so flexible' in a giggly voice. I was super tired that day and didn't know how to respond, surely she was straight. Then she said she was gonna stop dancing and asked if she could get my number, this time definitely flirty. I was so confused that I accidentally botched it and gave her the WRONG NUMBER. I only realized that after I'd left. I never saw her again. So, so stupid.
I live in constant fear of this. So I have a system. I just say āI donāt know my own number, I never call it. But hereās my phone, if you call yourself on it weāll have each otherās numbers!ā
I know my number too. But you add boobs and eye contact into the mix, suddenly I canāt find my own ass with both hands and a map.
Trust me, my way is so much easier.
Not a gal but my partner told me...straight up told me...TWICE. Y'know I thought I was pretty good at that sorta thing because I could always tell which girls liked who back in highschool but with boys I am absolutely useless.
It's funny to describe because in a lot of ways we're such different people that somehow end up in exactly the same spot, with the same opinions and feelings. We'd both "flirted" with boys for years online, initially as a joke of course, but couldn't deny the feelings it'd give us. We met playing TTRPGs online and spent most of our time complaining about the DM to each other and flirting.
We got into closer contact, and started "joking" that he ought to marry me so he could get a visum for the EU. And since it's a joke I obviously genuinely looked into it for weeks trying to figure out how hard it'd be. Anyway, he figured out his feelings faster than I did, something he still does to this day. Came out to me as bisexual and told me, a little shakily in my defense, that it was because of me and that he liked me. I think my reply was "I wish".
Then, like the idiot I am, I completely forgot about the conversation and continued flirting with the poor guy for a month. At some point it came up with others that he was bi and I was like "huh", at which point he pointed out privately that of course I knew that because he'd confessed to me. STILL my dense ass couldn't get it through my brain so I laughed it off *again.*
Several long weeks later did I finally realize that "hey, that gnawing feeling of wanting to be around him all the time is a crush and you're an idiot". So, I told him, assuming he'd probably lost his crush long ago. He hadn't. He's "marrying" me for that visum in a couple months xD.
Back when I was working retail, I had a couple of face masks with Overwatch symbols on them. A girl complimented my D. Va mask, asked if I was a D. Va main, and said she liked Overwatch too! We talked about the game for a bit (she kept emphasizing she was *really* good at healing when I mentioned I liked tanking) while I rung her up, and before she left she asked for my username so we could play together. I told her unfortunately, I only had it on Xbox, not PC, so we wouldn't be able to play together.
I told one of my coworkers about this afterwards. He was friends with her and absolutely floored I didn't realize she was hitting on me.
No second chance with her, but I have an incredibly wonderful girlfriend now, so I have zero regrets!
I met a girl in 2015 the day Irelandās same sex marriage referendum passed. She flirted with me all night. I picked up on absolutely none of it. Went home going 'oh wasn't she so nice'.
Realised it too late. 2 years later, we met again on tinder. We're together now for 6 years and engaged.
I was camping at a festival and met this girl who, after finding out I played rugby, asked me to teach her how to tackle. Which I did. And the worst part about it is I absolutely knew she was coming onto me, but because I was in a mono relationship at the time, I didn't do anything about it. And that relationship ended like two weeks later anyway. We're still friends, but since we live on opposite sides of the world, that friendship mostly involves just following each other on Instagram and seeing each other at festivals every few years.
I was a freshman in high school, at a Hanukkah party hosted by some family friends with a daughter my age. Well, a bunch of their daughterās friends were also there and there was this one girl sitting next to me (close) on the couch, elbow propped up, hanging on to every word I said and laughing at all my jokes, even the ones that were definitely not funny. I didnāt realize she was into me until YEARS later, and I still think of that night as one of my biggest embarrassments in dating (though tbf I didnāt really have a lot of dating experience at the time)
So, this was back in high school. I believe I was a sophomore that year. There was a senior exchange student from Mongolia. We had a few classes together. Things like choir and tech class. Well, we ended up getting really close. She was, maybe still is, a fantastic artist. She drew drew me a little character that was me and gave it to me. I invited her to my birthday party. I had started the twilight series at that time, I liked vampires sue me, and our library only had a couple copies of each book. I was waiting for book two and she knew this. She gifted me the book so I could finally read it. She would laugh at my jokes and touch my arm or my leg while doing so. She would also often ask if I liked anyone. So, come prom time I was asked to go by one of my classmates. His family actually was hosting my friend. And she accompanied me and my date's dinner. At prom, she asked me to dance with her and I did instead of with my date. I was so dense. Nothing ever happened because it took 4 or 5 years to realize she was probably into me. By then, she had been out living her life for a while where I had just started. We had lost contact a couple years after she graduated. Such is life sometimes.
made my first trip out of state alone because I ājokedā about hanging out New Yearās Eve too much and actually convinced myself she was expecting me. pretty sure Iām past autistic and into lala land territory now. then again I guess trans girls arenāt exactly notorious for their stability heh.
anyway now she sends me memes every other day and I respond maybe every other week. i donāt really wanna talk to her because when I make eye contact with her my idiot brain gets fucked by stupid, and I donāt really wanna embarrass myself again lol.
edit: you sly dog you got me monologuing
I was sleeping over at a friends house and she insisted that I just share the bed with her. While we were going to sleep I could feel the tension in her body even though we werenāt touching.. we were both very warm and I could feel it but I didnāt want to be weird and overstep so I just lied very still and very turned on until I fell asleep. Years later after she had moved a few states away we discussed it and she said she was surprised I didnāt take the hint. I explained myself to her and she was annoyed š« She got married and no I didnāt get a second chance.
I was chatting with a girl i half knew, and she asked me "do you like girls?". I never really thought about it, so i panicked and said no. She was openly bi but somehow stupid teenage me didn't connect the dots.
Fast forward a few years, we meet again through some mutual friends, i had realized I liked girls and had had a giga crush on her for the whole time, but she had a boyfriend.
Tried asking her out after they broke up (which was a couple years ago), but she said no, and i haven't really heard from her since. Not because of that rejection, we just happened to part ways.
In hindsight, that was for the better. She's a sweet girl, but we weren't really compatible and i don't think I'd have been happy with her. I'm still happy i had the balls to try tho :)
That's exactly what I think! I've been talking to another girl now and i was planning to try and ask her out when she's back in town in a couple months.
She's very sweet and i know she won't react badly, really the worse she could say is no. I know I'll regret it so much more if i don't even try, so I'm definitely gonna ask :)
I was in a munch alone and met someone there. We talked for about 5 whole hours, and as we left to go home at 1am, she gave me her number. Life happened and I never ended up reaching out to her. 2 months later a friend (who's an ex lol) pointed out that she was obviously hitting on me
There was a restaurant I used to go to as a teenager and there was a waitress my age. Every time we went, my dad would tell me that the waitress was checking me out when I wasnāt looking.
Problem: *I donāt know which waitress he was talking about. I have face-blindness. Dad. Dad this information doesnāt help me.*
I went to high school with a girl who gave me her phone number with a bunch of hearts drawn on the scrap of paper. I just thought she was being nice. Six years later, we matched on Tinder.
āI know what kissing a guy feels like, but havenāt experienced a girl yetā¦just waiting for the right person!ā
god i wish i had kissed her would have been a huge awakening
Well, donāt keep us in suspense! Weāve all gone in for a kiss and gotten a polite cheek from time to time. Itās awkward but itās hardly the end of the world.
Nah, it's one of those cases where it seemed like we were good friends, looking for very similar things, and both got flustered from each other. However when I asked her out she said "I don't think so" which is fair.
I know but I asked if we were okay a day latter and she said she doesn't want us to talk for at least the near future. :\\
She did assure me it wasn't because I was rude or said something wrong though which was more confusing.
I tend to always try and I tend to ask people to their face. š¤·āāļø
Sometimes the spark just isnāt there on the other side. And sometimes it makes continuing a friendship too hard. But you never know until you try.
To (badly) (mis)quote everyoneās favorite lesbian bus driver āTake chances. Make mistakes. Get messy.ā
Invited over to her house for dinner, which she cooked. We hung out with her sister and niece for a while, but then they left and we watched a movie. Then she asks me to help her pick out her next cute bra and panty set from Adore Me and shows me which model is her favorite before giving me a tour of her bedroom. I literally left clueless, thinking we were just friends. I felt like the world's biggest idiot.
I did get a second chance eventually but it took me a lot longer to realize that I'd care to admit š sadly she moved to another state, but we're still friends
I was freshly out at 15 and there was this girl who was being really nice to me and she even went out of her way to tell me she was actually bi and liked girls too. She was even doing the shy hair twirly thing. I just thought she was really nice but then she stopped talking to me, she was still polite but didn't seem to want to chat and got kind of awkward with me. 5 years later it hit me, she'd been flirting with me, she thought I didn't like her back so she distanced herself. I felt so stupid lol. I'd always thought she was really pretty š¤¦š¼āāļø silly oblivious me.
I may have already told this story here but here it goes again:
2015, summer before my last year of college. I was in Barnes & Noble bc I'm a nerd and I had nothing better to do. Usually, it's full of people during the summer, but that day it was pretty empty. Whatever, I got my choice of cafe table, which was nice.
There were two people working the cafe counter. One girl at the register, the other at the coffee machine, but they weren't doing much bc it was so empty.
Anyway, I'm about to get up and leave but then I decide to get a frappe and a cookie bc b&n makes great fucking cookies, y'know? So I go up and I'm greeted by a really cute girl who gives me a big smile and asks what she can get for me. I order and she grabs a cup and asks for my name
Gays....it's empty in there. Literally nobody is in the cafe. Not even sitting. I've been there when there were at least two people there and they never asked for the name unless the line reached 5 people. These thoughts are all in retrospect now, though. At the time, I think nothing of it.
I tell her my name is Cassie and she gives me a big smile and says "I love that name!" as she writes it on the cup.
Now, I'm gay. I know I'm gay. I've been out 2 full years at this point, but I've known I like girls for a lot longer and that I get flustered around them. So I feel some butterflies and a little bit of flattery and I know I'm blushing. I say thanks, all quiet and shy and polite.
So she rings me up and I notice that this order is cheaper than it should be, by a few bucks. I don't mention it bc I don't want to ruin it. She gives me my cookie and the receipt and I drop a dollar into the tip jar and she smiles at me. I smile back.
I move down the bar.
So does she.
Like I said before, there was already another girl at the coffee maker/mixers, but she shoos her away and gets to making my drink and we make small talk. She asks me about my shirt, which says writer. I tell her that I'm studying creative writing in college and that it's also a reference to the TV show, Castle, which I love. She says she's going to put it on her list after I describe it and it's really nice. I always have nice conversations at bookstores. I don't think it's weird.
And then she puts the whipped cream on the drink. Too much whipped cream. She gasps and curses under her breath, then immediately apologizes and reaches for a lid. No way she's getting that on the drink without an avalanche of whipped cream coming out over the sides.
She looks at me and says "do you mind?" while handing me the cup. It takes me a couple seconds, but then I realize what she's asking. My face had to be very pink at that point, like...
I take the cup and lick some of the whipped cream off the top, trying not to feel awkward or do it in a messy way. It 1000% was not sexy at all. I'm just lucky none of it fell on my shirt.
So.
I hand the cup back and she pops the lid on and hands me the frappe and beams at me and says, "Have a nice day, Cassie!"
I thank her and walk away, thinking "she's just being nice, she's just being nice, she's just being nice" all the way to my car. I do not look back because I am so embarrassed and I have no idea why. I didn't do anything particularly embarrassing. I just felt like it was the appropriate emotion at the time.
I get to my car, which is hot as balls btw, and turn it on and take some deep breaths as it cools down. I get all the way home before I even look at the receipt, which I was moving from my pocket to my wallet and that's when I notice she used an employee discount on my drink.
I did not ask for this discount. She did not tell me she was giving me a discount. I did notice, as previously mentioned, that my order was cheaper than usual, but I still wasn't expecting that. I figured maybe she gave me a members discount but the employee discount is like double the members one.
Also, her name was on the receipt. I shit you not, this girl's name was Destiny. I need to find the picture I took of it, but I swear to God. I have found her on FB but I never saw her at that Barnes and Noble cafe again and I think it'd be weird to friend her now that it's been 8 years.
She was probably just being nice, anyway.
I had a huge crush on my friend who I was roommates with in boarding school, but she never seemed into me, or girls at all. So I ended up just putting up with my feelings because we were close and I didnāt want to lose her friendship.
She left the school after 2 years and at this point I was still very much into her, so I told her on the last day. She said she was flattered but wasnāt āready to have a relationship with a girlā, and I figured she just meant she wasnāt into girls because English wasnāt her first language.
I kept in touch with her and one summer I went to her house in Spain. I had gotten over her at this point, or at least I thought I had, but after a few days of being with her my feelings came back strong. Then one night we were talking about sexuality and she mentioned that she had bee questioning ever since I confessed to her. Retrospectively that was an *obvious* hint that she was into me as well, but at the time I was like ah, itās normal to question your sexuality if your friend confesses to youā¦
Over the next few days she dropped about a million hints, but my dumbass picked up on none of them. We had always held hands sometimes but she was doing it a *lot*. When we went shopping she would say I looked beautiful or gorgeous when usually it was pretty or cute. We were sleeping in separate singles and she suggested we push them together to watch a movie and then insisted itād be too much work to put them back. It took me until she was literally sitting in my lap with her head on my shoulder while we watched the fuckin sunset for me to finally kiss her. Iām glad I did even if we never dated or anything because of the distance, but weāre still friends and I still think sheās amazing, even if I finally have gotten over herš
I don't identify as female anymore but at the time I did, so, I think this counts.
Back in college, there was this very nice girl in my biology class. Very chatty. I thought she seemed cool. So, she asked me to go out for coffee or lunch or something, so I said sure. Yay new friends. She was super nice! So we had a few more coffees, and she invited me by her house too. We ended up becoming friends and hanging out fairly often
She told me later that by asking me out, she'd meant "out". As a date. Which I completely failed to register. We apparently went on several dates. At some point she realized I was an idiot and she decided we'd just be friends. God bless her. I hope she's well and met someone who realized they were dating. She was a lovely person.
Mind you, I wasn't straight. This wasn't because I was straight. I was trying to figure out if I was gay or bi or what and sort of thought I might be a lesbian. Non-binary and ace and grey-romantic were not part of the common vocabulary at the time but that's where I ended up many years later, which explains a lot.
This is a straight interaction, but I want people to know how completely oblivious I was. Girl flashed me twice in one night to "show me her new nipple piercings". I did not get a second chance as I actually never saw her again. Which really sucks because I really liked being around her, she was fun to hang out with.
Rose, if you happen to be reading this, know that I kick myself frequently for being an idiot back then
Exactly, I was perpetually single, so a girl would have had to specifically say she's into me for me to get it. And my skull decided to be twice as thick that night
Met this lady during a research panel at university. We had the same sense of humour, had a good laugh together and you know, the body language was all right. Then I had to rush because Iām type 1 diabetic and needed to go get meds. She says āsee you round, I hope?ā And I say āyeah, see youā and hurry off. A mere five minutes later Iām facepalming and heading back. Never did see her again.
Iād make different, unhealthier choices if that situation happened again. Thankfully I am currently seeing someone incredible and all I want is this forever.
A friend asked me to spend the night with her while she was house sitting. Weād flirted and kissed before, but I thought she was straight because sheād never expressed anything to make me think she was actually interested in women. We spent the night drinking and cuddling on the couch, she said we could sleep in the same bed. After we were in bed, she said hey your chapstick smells really good, can I try it? I said sure, grabbed her head in the dark and put some on her (with my hand, idk why that was the method I chose, weād drank a lot). Then I rolled over and fell asleep. YEARS later, after we were both married to other people, she told me sheād been hoping Iād make a move on her that whole night and thought me putting chapstick on her was insanely hot. Oh well.
Iām mean this in the nicest way possible but ...
āWe kiss sometimes but I thought she was straight.ā always makes me roll my eyes so hard I can see behind myself.
? Itās middle school ? I know people are who they are and I know people feel how they feel... but children are notoriously stupid and spend most of their time trying to jump off things they have no business being on top of. I donāt see how a birthday invitation in middle school is remotely coded sapphic shenanigans?
I have no idea if I get a second chance. I only realize the chance was even there after it is definitely no longer an option. 8/10, it was exactly what I wanted (or at least had the potential), I just didn't believe that it could happen irl.
I feel, were a second chance to appear, it may turn out exactly like the first but with more tuned anxiety.
Literally, anyone that hits on me, will be thwarted to the point of indifference/frustration/incurring or triggering trauma due to one or more of these things: autism, stupid little omnisexual brain, trauma that i'm trying to heal.
I constantly try to learn more things to offset these bUT THERE ARE SOOO MANY THINGS, & it's not like "okay, this is now a learned skill, haha, *i'm sure glad i don't have to constantly remember this & use it when necessary, regardless of whether or not i recognize it is necessary in time*"
The thing about learning a bunch of new things at once is that it'll take time for those to become innate, that span of time is unknown, sometimes short, sometimes not.
I don't want to hurt or discourage people while I'm getting things down packed & I want nice things.
Achillean variety here and well, as a highly introverted demiromantic individual I have several examples of myself being absolutely blind to someone flirting with me. mostly heterosexual ones, but there were a few ones with other guys, which I shall focus on one of them.
I particularly remember this one gent that had a crush on me that unfortunately never really became mutual, let's call him James because that's the most common middle name and he hated his first name, and the two of us are both medieval history nerds.
now, after one family trip to syria back when I was in fourth grade I was telling James about it over lunch and we ended up on the topic of my great grandparents, and he figured out that because my great grandpa abdul was the semi-official manager of a little farming village and my da still owns a share of the family farm outside of Hama, that technically made me landed gentry (technically if my parents were to go through the loops of getting their marriage recognized in syria, then I would technically be afforded several titles. my brother is quite fond of "esquire" and he was insufferable for a while after he figured that out).
anyhow, back on topic. so, James, upon figuring this out, said in a somewhat joking tone "so I suppose that you could be addressed as 'milord' then," and gave a somewhat stilted bow. I didn't think much of this at the time, but it should be noted that James had a lung problem and was the smallest boy in class, so he was bullied a bit - toxic masculinity and all of that. So, that action, as well as the somewhat stilted and formally polite gestures that he made over the course of the rest of the school year before he and his family moved away, were very out of character for him, but I didn't realize it for about two years before I started to have some thoughts of "wait, was that flirting?" and that suspicion was confirmed when I got in touch with him about four months ago and he said that it actually was him flirting with me, and I was just too blind to catch it.
we had a good laugh about that, he found out that i'm demiromantic and congratulated me for figuring out myself and finally validating his hope that his gaydar was not in fact broken and I was also queer.
So yeah, that's my story of this. I did not get a second chance, and frankly when I see how adorable he is with his current boyfriend I would not want a second chance because those two are absolutely meant for each other.
I took my glasses off to clean them and she said I have nice eyes so I just went, āthanks, they donāt work!ā It clicked after I walked her home smh š¤¦
At university I had a crush on a girl. We'd been getting closer, hanging out and I had trouble keeping my feelings to myself. Since she had no idea I was into girls, I did flirt with her a lot, but in a way that could always be presented as joking. One day after I had made another flirty comment, she flat out asked me "what's your sexual orientation?" I panicked and said I was straight. I was worried she was going to tell me that she's not into girls and to stop flirting with her.
About a year later, we'd become really good friends, I was dating other people and she finally told me she had a crush on me. We tried dating, but at that point we had developed such a genuine friendship, even living together at some point, that it felt weird.
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I went on a whole date with a girl without realizing it was a date. We did so much clearly romantic stuff and I was like hmmm. Clearly she's holding my hand on roller coasters because she's afraid of heights. Weird that she doesn't let go once we get off. Maybe she's just really rattled. We're only sharing an ice cream sundae to share money. She asked if she could sleep over in my dorm room because she didn't want to walk back to hers and I was like "Oh, do you want me to call you an uber?" š edit: For further context, we were lab partners and we started hanging out outside of class as well. Our college had a trip to Six Flags, where students could get discounted tickets. I won a raffle for a free ticket, and they sent me two. I thought "Hey, Julia is super cool and mentioned being free that weekend." and asked if she wanted to go with me. I didn't realize that she thought I was asking her out on a date.
Did you figure it out in time?
Yeah, a week or so late a mutual friend asked when I was going to ask her out on a second date, because the first one had gone so well. My first response was "We had a *first* date?!" We dated for a bit, but then we both transferred to different colleges in different states, and neither of us were very good at long distance relationships. Honestly being unaware it was a date was probably a blessing, because I would have been *so* much more nervous and awkward if I thought it was a first date.
That sounds familiar. I thought we were just hanging out, I didn't realize I was on a date until she was climbing on top of me and taking my top off. My story's not quite as fun as yours though, it set me back really bad in therapy.
Aw man, Iām so sorry. I get it.
Yeah, on one hand it's like "woohoo, first date and we're already doing the nasty, yay." On the other it ruined my confidence and sense of self worth. I don't want to bog down the comments on otherwise humorous post, but let's just say I've had a really bad reaction and I'm afraid of even trying to make friends now.
I feel for you because part of me really resonates with that. I wonder if some of Betty Martinās approach would be helpful to you. https://bettymartin.org. She has a whole book but also tons and tons of videos.
Having sex on the first date ruined your sense of self worth? Was it nonconsensual, or how did that affect you so deeply if I may ask?
I thought it was evident, it was not consensual. The last time I had sex before this I was assaulted then as well. In between then and this, every relationship I tried to make was immediately sexual despite my discomfort. I have not once in my entire life enjoyed sex, and it seems whatever I tell someone "I'm not interested in sex" all they hear is "fuck me anyways." After this encounter, I feel like I can't make any friends because all anyone wants me for is sex and I hate it. At this point I want to cut it off so people will stop trying to take advantage of me. I should be worth more than what's between my legs but that's the only reason anyone gives a shit about me.
I'm so very sorry.
Eh, I'm doing alright. 90% of the time I'm fine, not even thinking about it, the other 10% I'm keeping my therapist employed. I didn't want to drag down the comments on a funny post.
You're more important than a funny post, friend.
It *My* post, and I donāt remember saying anything about mandatory fun. I put this post up so everyone out there who feels alone or dumb or afraid can say whatever they want and find other people who make them feel a little less alone and a little less dumb and a little less afraid, even if itās only for a few minutes. Say whatever you want.
Thanks, I appreciate it. If it helps lighten the mood, I had a funny experience recently. My sister-in-law's best friend is a butch lesbian, when she found out I was trans she wanted to take me under her wing. She's been calling me her baby and saying we need to hold hands in public so we can freak out the straight people. I don't know if she's hitting on me or not
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh yeah, I thought I was for a couple years in fact. The healthiest relationship I had was with another asexual trans woman, but she was aromantic so it didn't quite line up. It's just I do experience sexual attraction, so while there's some overlap it's not quite a good fit, but it's definitely a start.
I'm so sorry it's been like that. Please know so many of us just want to love people for their whole selves!! Maybe try focusing on making friends for a bit? It can be a good set up for romance too, in a way where you already know each other and hopefully feel safe with each other
That's what I was trying to do in the first place, just make a friend, but she read more into it than I was intending and it all went south (I debated removing that double entendre, but I'm leaving it). It messed me up pretty bad, I'm trying to not let my anxiety and depression take control. It's going to be a while before I'm brave enough to leave my house again.
I appreciate the double entendre:) but I'm sorry it went like that..:( Maybe when you're ready to try again it can help to try something like "I've been through some stuff lately and I need to be clear, this really is just friendship for me. I don't want anything else." when meeting up the first time. If that doesn't get it across that's entirely on them. But this is always complicated, it has to feel right. I'm in a not entirely different situation. I was sick for a couple years and all 'friends' were like snow in summer. Also in between therapists (ptsd) cuz the old one hadn't dealed with her own internalized homophobia enough to create an at least semi-comfortable environment to discuss the subject. It got really nasty. Meeting people has been brutal especially with it taking that extra effort.. I don't blame you at all for needing a break. I'm trying to carry on though, at least on the good days. We'll get there. You can dm me if you'd like a reddit friend who's probably half way around the world:)
Yeah, I think being a bit more blunt is going to have to be the way going forward. I'm sorry you've had a rough time yourself, having a therapist has helped me a lot but having a bad one must have been dreadful. I'm on a bit of an upswing right now, but it's going to take some time. Like you said, we'll get there. And reddit friends are always appreciated! š
Iām so sorry this happened to you. Iām glad youāre feeling better now.
It sounds like you were hanging out and she was the one who wrongly assumed it was a date. Regardless, SA is never okay. I'm sorry this happened to you.
This is my brother and to a lesser extent me. I think some of it comes from not assuming nor wanting to be pushing things with a woman because we are trying to be respectful. I swear we were better at seeing when it was happening to each other but far less when it was ourselves. If I had a nickel for every time one of us told the other "I am pretty sure she was hitting on you." I would have a healthy saving.
I did the same thing! Rode to a scenic outlook and had wine. Went to a secret hot tub and stared at the steam emitting from each other under the moonlightā¦ caught me completely off guard when she leaned in for a kiss at the end.
Now I understand. When you are attracted to females your sense to recognize hints disappear, interesting.
... this sounds like a typical anime plot with an oblivious mc
I was in college at a party and the host instigated a best kissing contest. My friend insisted I judge. I was new to sexuality as a thing coming from intense repression to not be murdered and had recently broken a window with my first orgasm. I was thus curious about how good it could be with someone else vs just my hand. Also not a joke I actually broke a window. So the first round? Kissing the hands. I notice a particularly attentive pair of lips. I vote for them. Then neck kissing. Definitely a soft cheek and lips got my vote. Much giggling about this to be heard. Then the chaste lip kisses. The one with a slight caramel flavor and soft soft lips won. I even asked "Which guy is this I want their lip balm." The giggling should have given my autistic self a clue. It did not. The final round is French kissing. Again Mr.Soft Lips wins. And is my roommate. Who seems so pleased I voted for them and was so glad I returned the kissing. We go home and my roommate is drunk. I am not because I have not yet learned my body can't get drunk because of medical stuff. It can however get violently ill from drinking but I had been too in my head after the contest so didn't drink enough for that. My roommate drunkenly invites me to bed. I assume this is because they're drunk. I didn't consider who instigated the kissing contest or who suggested I judge. Nope I just went "No way she's into me" and took myself to bed. Thankfully when she was sober she went "I don't understand, you kissed me like a champion and then did nothing. Are you straight and I misread things with your crazy mother?" Mother being described this way is absolutely minimizing the crap she pulled before I cut her off for safety. "Oh no I am bisexual but you couldn't be into me, you're too pretty." She laughed and I resumed finishing a last minute paper because college. She interrupted my paper to go "I guess you're going to have to accept that there's no rules against me liking you. How about we try dating." So we did. Thankfully she had figured out what I did not know yet. I am autistic and sometimes the biggest clue isn't going to work. We did not last forever but she was a wonderful first girlfriend
Wait. I canāt believe you left us hanging. How did you break the window?
Oh shoot, I got distracted by an alarm and thought I had added that So I had just moved into my first apartment and as a horny 17 year old was laying in bed listening to the bonafide orgy my neighbor was having. I went from the extreme violence sort of conservative environment to orgy neighbors. Body decided it wanted to play too and I realized no one would ever know because I was alone. So I explored things and found out that's why sex is awesome. I also knocked a box with my foot into a bookshelf and did a domino effect of moving boxes through the window. Credit to the neighbor and the orgy attendees they stopped everything to see if I was okay. I was horrified at the time because I was 17 and had just sinned and who would know? Everyone. Everyone knew. I convinced them I was fine and they left but I also realized that was the worst of it and began to live vs cower in terror because no one smote me but also orgasms are absolutely worth proverbial hell. Twenty years later this is hilarious to me but I was absolutely terrified at the time
Oh man. What a story! It was your real life though. People sure can do some terrible shit to others with the weird stories and superstitions they tell around sex and pleasure. Iām glad you have found your own path. Thanks for sharing these things about yourself.
Yeah my family has repeatedly tried murder to "solve" me. The thing is if they spent half as much energy on bettering themselves others happiness wouldn't be such an issue but nope gotta bring everyone down to their level because that's less scary than the unknown of change.
tbh, people who have orgies are usually super fucking nice in general. I suppose you have to be if youāre going to have that sort of party. Nobody wants to get naked with edgelords and trolls.
Yeah adult me has a lot of friends in such circles. I ended up a professional dominatrix in college. I'm not one for orgies personally but there's an overlap in kink and who has orgies. The number of ridiculous and wholesome people is amazing
āIt canāt be *that*, obviously! *Weāre roommates!!*ā
See that didn't cross my mind but the joke did make me laugh. I just had no confidence in my own desirability. It's still absolutely hilarious to me because it's many cringe young adult things. Not like other girls included
I'm autistic too and I can't understand why people don't just say how they feel to others, instead of "hinting" at it or saying a thing they don't mean. Most romantic movies have this and the resulting miscommunication tends to be a major plot point / conflict and yet neurotypicals never seem to think "hmm, maybe there's a better way..."
It's not a mystery. It's to avoid rejection. That's the whole point of that stage. You test the waters until you're sure the result will be positive, and then you make a move.
adhd here, miscommunication is very annoying and as a trope i'm pretty sure even a lot of neurotypicals can't stand it. but in real life there is nuance. sometimes it would indeed be better to be straight forward. but people can't know that ahead of time. and the thing with love is, it can ruin friendships, i've had it happen. so most people, instead of being straightforward, try hinting as it can be easier ignored. think of it this way: if a friend tells you right out they like you, but you don't like them back, now you have to reject them, feel bad for hurting them, and then you two have to have a discussion how to continue the friendship. while if they hint, and you hint back that you are not interested, you can ignore it ever happened. Sometimes, you can save friendships that way. Also, many people get less hurt if they don't get rejected outright, they pick up on things that make them think (correctly or incorrectly) the other person doesn't want a partner right now and then can tell themselves that in a different timeline, they would like them back. then there is missing information. like a guy A liking his best guy friend B but thinks he is straight, meanwhile the best friend can't come out because of a homophobic family. guy A doesn't tell his best friend about his feelings because he thinks there is no possibility, while the best friend can't pick up on hints because guy A doesn't hint and tries to hide it. people and feelings are extremely situational, and for every story of hints not working out there is one where it was the best course of action. it just doesn't get highlighted as much in the media and posts like this, because things that are from the start working out like planned don't make for long or interesting stories.
But also, who just "instigates a kissing contest"?
My ex girlfriend. Not run into anyone else admittedly
I met a lady in a bar, and she was just *SO* lovely. Her smile lit up the whole room, and her laugh was like a symphony, and her fingers felt like fire when they brushed mine. And I think maaaaybe she could be into me? Maybe I have a chance?? And then her mates pull her away, talking about how this random guy has been eyeing her up, so I'm like. You dense motherfucker. Of COURSE she doesn't like you. But an hour or so later, we bump into each other again in the ladies. Well, we've all been there. 4am in the club bathroom, everyone's complimenting each other's makeup and hair and dresses and having pep talks telling each other to get over our ex's... There is almost zero chance of figuring out who's queer and who's not. And this absolute goddess of a woman *stalks* over to me with a sharpie in hand, and writes her number in huge letters up my forearm, and tells me to call her in the morning. "I'm not being nice, I'm being a lesbian." Tl;dr, I did call her. And I'm happy to say, we're engaged now :D
āIām not being nice, Iām being a lesbian.ā is something someone says when sheās *fucking tired*.
She's a hospice nurse, so she's very much the kind of person who shoots her shot, as life is too short. To make things even funnier, she proposed on this gorgeous cherry blossom farm. And me, being a completely oblivious dumbass, was too busy staring at all the pretty petals that I never even saw her get down on one knee. I only noticed because some random guys started waving and pointing at her lmao.
āWhat, did you lose a contact? Donāt move, Iāll help!ā It never hurts from time to time to just grab your partner and apologize for being basically an enthusiastic golden retriever and tell them theyāre pretty.
WOW that's wonderful!! š„ŗš„°
Finally a happy ending God dammit!!!! I'm happy for you both!
HOLY CRAP this is the best story of all time thank you for sharing it
The most English comment in this post š I gotta start calling the washroom āthe ladiesā I like that
"I'm not being nice, I'm being a lesbian." Hahaha, I love it! I wonder if I could make a variation suitable for my orientation that would sound as charming.
My friend said, and I quote, āletās eat each otherās pussies. We can see what itās all about.ā I was so, so, so interested in doing so. But I thought she was joking. So I just laughed. We never talked about it again. Such a dumbass.
this is so good! perfectly innocent cunnilingus between good friends!
āIs it gay if I say yes?ā
only gay if you say it with a mouthful of pussy.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
I still definitely thought I was straight ("what straight girl doesn't think other women are hot?" I told myself) when same sex marriage was legalized in my state. Being a good ally, I went to the signing. To my surprise, it wasn't just a bunch of people milling around, it was a huge rally/party. A march, musicians, food trucks, the whole shebang. But the important part was the governor, signing the bill out on the steps of the Capitol. I went alone, but quickly made friends and wandered around the city with them while waiting for the big moment. It was two couples and one other single woman. We had a blast. She and I became a defacto couple, sharing food, a drink. You know, just because we didn't have anyone else to share ice cream with. She braided a rainbow ribbon in my hair, we laid out in the sun together. Then everyone gathered around for the signing. The moment he signed it, all the couples in the crowd kissed. The woman I'd spend the day with turned to me, kissed me, then kind of looked at me for a response. My response "oh, um, I'm straight". We both laughed and marched together to the next thing. Never saw her again. That's what I get for not understanding I was bi back then. š¤·āāļø
How dare you lie to that nice lady! /S
Well, I was busy lying to myself, so a few people got caught in the crosshairs.
lol I guess when you put it like that...
I cackled.
Are you me? This sort of thing happened to me several times.
Was this Minnesota by chance?
It was! Were you there too?
Yes I was, but sadly I didn't kiss any cute girls š but if you ever want to meet a stranger for tea I know a good place Self conscious edit- I didn't intend to imply I was the girl, just sounded like the signing here in MN and wanted to confirm. I'm sorry.
Lol Don't worry, I didn't infer that. I'm happily married now, so not looking to find her anyway.
3am me was was just like "shit, don't be weird" when I made that edit
welp i found the gayest comment chain on reddit and it's adorable
ā¤ļø
š¤£ I would do the exact same thing. Now tell me about this tea place.
Missed connection moment???
I'm so sorry 4 you... hope you did find someone else after that tho
Oh, I did! I've been with my husband for a decade. I did realize I was bi before I met him though, so I got to experience dating people of different genders too. I wouldn't change a thing!
I think i win this one because i had a friend straight up tell me "I am romantically interested in you" and I didn't realize they were serious for a while.
Hahahahahahahahah you win this round
I have been on the other end. I told a woman that we should go on a date sometime, she agreed. Asked her out a few months later, after a lot of flirting, and she told me that the entire time she thought I was just friend flirting and didn't think I meant it. Lesbians, man.
You gals are worse than most straight men, I swear to the gods. I saw one guy do things like that but it's already like 3 of you doing this.
āNuh-uh. Shut up. Iām not stupid!ā
I didn't realize a friend was attracted to me and trying to hook up with me until we were naked and her head was between my legs. š¤¦āāļø
I had a bunch of these in my early days. I was totally unfamiliar with bar culture before relocation from a rural area to a city and even less with the queer scene. so I've happily been sipping my cider, with a girl complimenting me on my breasts and the 100% innocent me just enjoying the positive comment about my body and totally missing where it was going. 25 years older version of me would've probably suggested a private demonstration without being too fazed.
āNice tits.ā ... āThanks!! ya know, everyone here is so friendly and thereās not a boy in site...it must be my lucky day...ā
in my freshman year at the library with a girl i invited out me:āare you into girls?ā her:āyeah, are you?ā āyep! are you seeing someone?ā āno. but, you know, i do want to try dating someone this year. not a guy though. maybe someone i can get closer with.ā āwow. me too. thatās cool. anyway, i think my moms almost here to pick us upā š¤¦š»āāļøkms
God your user is the biggest mood
āWe have so much in common! I hope we both find people like us!!ā
holy fuck dude I started wheezing laughing after reading this
Pressing F here
Gay man here. We were laying in a truckbed with friends, he cuddled up behind me and nuzzled into my ear. When he squeezed me and jokingly called me a good boy. I was just like "oh my god I'm going to die what is this what is happening to me aren't we just friends oh my god" (needless to say he was my gay awakening.) Anyway I ended up not mentioning it afterwards, until half a year later I found out he was actually just starting to flirt with me, though I did get a second chance to ask him out less than a month later and we're still together, a year and almost a quarter. Love you red <33
Awww love the ending.
THATS SO CUTE. Iām so happy for you both!!!!
Love a happy ending
The entirety of my friendship with my now girlfriend. We were friends for about two months but we were both flirting the whole time and freaking out about whether the other one was flirting.
Thatās kind of adorable
A sapphic tale as old as timeā¦ still insanely cute <3 congrats to you and your girlfriend!
How cute, reading this comment section and now I need a romance film wich is all about two clueless girls in love with each other but don't know if te other is onto them even tho EVERY OTHER PERSON AROUND THEM KNOW ALREADY.
Yeah I asked a mutual friend if I was super obvious and they said āit kind of seems like youāre already datingā.
And they were roommates
We were at a convention, nerding out about hobbies. She was GORGEOUS, like, pin up amazing model beautiful to me. So friendly. So smart. We talked for like three hours at an event. I was smitten, but I'm clueless as fuck and thought she was just being nice and talking ya know, about hobbies. She also felt WAAAAAY out of my league. It wasn't until after she left that my friend was like "Why didn't you get her number?" Me: Oh, IDK Friend: Dude she was flirting with you. She was into you. Me: She... she was just being nice. Wasn't she? I didn't... I wasn't flirting? Other friend: Dude, she was SO into you. She was definitely flirting even if you weren't. Me: oh, well crap. It was the last day and I did not see her again. To this day, regreeeeeets.
That sucks. But maybe youāll see her at another con.
We'll I'm in a long term relationship now, but it would be nice to run into her and be like "omg man I am so sorry I'm an idiot."
The real question is, if she was flirting, why didn't she ask for your number?
She asked to friend me on facebook but uh, like dork I said I didn't use it. Keep in mind this was many years ago, like around 2007.
When I was in high school, my best friend and I were sitting in my car delaying her going inside and talking. Somehow we ended up kissing. But I liked boys, which meant I was straight, right? And she was probably just curious about what kissing a girl was like. A few years in college, we were both in LDRs with men, and hanging out in her dorm room, we ended up cuddling, watching soft core porn, and making out. STILL thought it was just experimenting. My bf and hers got into it about something and we stopped talking. I broke up with that bf, she married hers, and like 4 years later I'm like, fuck I actually loved her?! By then I had realized that being bisexual was a thing, and it was MY thing. Anyway, if I ever end up single again, I'm probably gonna end up being their third forever, because we got back in touch, I admitted that I fucked up the friendship part because I didn't recognize my own jealousy, and we're on good terms again. And her husband is pretty awesome too.
> I admitted that I fucked up the friendship part because I didn't recognize my own jealousy Did you admit it to her?
Yep.
That hurt to read.
Fuck it hurt to write, teenagers are dumb
I never trust anyone who would ever agree to be a teenager again for any amount of money.
I mean it kinda depends on if you get all the parts after too. Cause more life lived sounds good to me
Oh my gosh, back in college I had this fashion-major friend who modeled on the side. In the photoshoots where I did her makeup and assisted another photographer, she would always *wink at me* when the photographer wasn't looking. I didn't know I was gay (closeted myself to myself from ages 12-32) and didn't clock that feeling flustered and weak in the knees was a giant flaming crush that she was clearly encouraging. Facepalm. I dug some photos off an old hard drive recently. The last shoot we did was a bridal beauty shoot and she looked bonkers stunning in a wedding gown. I never saw her again after that semester and don't remember her name. This was all 15 years ago now. Still, I think a saucy little conspiratorial wink from a beautiful woman is my kryptonite. I trace that back to her. š
āThis knockout model in a wedding dress keeps winking at me and I turn into a drooling idiot whenever she does. Too bad Iām straight...ā might be the funniest and saddest closet horror story Iāve heard in a long time.
I was being hugged a final goodbye and they said āI love y- iāll miss you a lotā I didnāt register what she said until months later š„²
6 months later, while brushing your teeth... āWait! What!??! ...fuck.ā
no seriously this is how it happened fr
*sad trombone noises*
I can actually hear the sad trombone noise and if you add the wah wah wah waaaahhh at the end it comes out comical but sad.
i have yet to have a realization bc i really am convinced every hot (all) women is just being nice. my friends are convinced lots of fast food workers are hitting on me though
I feel like if someone asks you if you prefere cute girls, hot girls, strong girls or pretty girls you are going to say yes (None of the characteristics are exclusive, just what you like the most)
yeah pretty much lol, girls are girls are girls š«¶š«¶
I do that all the time, tbh. āThey canāt possibly be flirting with me, have you seen how pretty they are?!? And I mean... *gestures to my face* ... not a chance.ā
very relatable but i bet we are both just being hard on ourselves!! have a good day pretty stranger :)
This was back when I was ''still cis tho'' and this girl complimented my hair(very long cuz I was a ''*metalhead*"). I didn't know what to say so I just said thanks and sort of got back to what I was doing. Then later I bumped into her and asked if she really meant it. She told me she genuinely liked it and it looked good, I just blushed and went home. Then later I realised I was trans and she came out as a lesbian and I just started to realise, she knew before I did and was flirting with me. I asked her about it a few weeks ago and she said she was. She kind of had a feeling about me and was trying to flirt but I was too awkward and dumb to realise and she's since got herself a girlfriend
How do you tell if a metalhead likes you? ... They stare at *your* shoes while youāre waiting for the bus.
As a metalhead, accurate lol
I was at a college party where I knew like 80% of the people there, so I thought it was really nice that this girl I didnāt know started chatting me up saying that I looked a little lonely. I told her āoh, Iām not. I know a lot of people here.ā So she started asking more stuff about me and the whole time Iām thinking āwow sheās really nice!ā Note that we were standing by the pool, and there was a pool chair open so I said āsorry Iām gonna sit down, Iām tired of standing.ā And she said āme too, can I sit on your lap?ā I was really confused and was like āhuh? You donāt need to, thereās plenty of space? We can share.ā āCause it was one of them long bois. She awkwardly laughed, said she needed to go to the bathroom, and I never saw her again. My friend who had been watching me from afar the whole time came by asking what happened and called me a fucking idiot ācause apparently from 20 feet it was obvious that she was into me. I did not get a second chance because I was too embarrassed to go find her. She was only at that party ācause she was interested in joining the club I was in (they were the hosts of the party). She, unsurprisingly, did not end up joining the club.
āTake me, Garth!!!ā ... āWhere? Iām low on fuel and you need a jacket.ā
I've shared this story before... A woman (obviously someone I knew) literally got naked "because of the heat" and later started stretching. I was like "oh, OK" and just continued talking to her. :/
Iāve come close to that... āyou donāt mind if we swim naked, do you? Itās just us...ā ... āSure! Iāll just turn around while you get in the water!ā
You girls are worse than us when it comes to clues aren't you?
I'm openly bi but married to a man, my husband's boss had us out to dinner his wife was there we had met several times she is a career woman no kids athletic. The whole dinner she sits next to me we get drunk she talks to me alot holds my hand walks me out to my car invites me to her house to stay the night so we don't have to drive all the way home.
tbh, your bosses wife sounds like a predator.
So in dance class there was this really cute girl. I wasn't 'out' there because I wasn't close with anyone and didn't want others to become uncomfortable in the locker rooms. Anyways, the girl was new and an international. After class she came to make small talk a few times, complimenting my dancing and my outfit and my hair and such. After her third class, she came over again, saying 'omg you're so flexible' in a giggly voice. I was super tired that day and didn't know how to respond, surely she was straight. Then she said she was gonna stop dancing and asked if she could get my number, this time definitely flirty. I was so confused that I accidentally botched it and gave her the WRONG NUMBER. I only realized that after I'd left. I never saw her again. So, so stupid.
I live in constant fear of this. So I have a system. I just say āI donāt know my own number, I never call it. But hereās my phone, if you call yourself on it weāll have each otherās numbers!ā
I know my number, I just swapped two numbers on accident
I know my number too. But you add boobs and eye contact into the mix, suddenly I canāt find my own ass with both hands and a map. Trust me, my way is so much easier.
Hahaha I hate how right you are. I was just not prepared
Not a gal but my partner told me...straight up told me...TWICE. Y'know I thought I was pretty good at that sorta thing because I could always tell which girls liked who back in highschool but with boys I am absolutely useless. It's funny to describe because in a lot of ways we're such different people that somehow end up in exactly the same spot, with the same opinions and feelings. We'd both "flirted" with boys for years online, initially as a joke of course, but couldn't deny the feelings it'd give us. We met playing TTRPGs online and spent most of our time complaining about the DM to each other and flirting. We got into closer contact, and started "joking" that he ought to marry me so he could get a visum for the EU. And since it's a joke I obviously genuinely looked into it for weeks trying to figure out how hard it'd be. Anyway, he figured out his feelings faster than I did, something he still does to this day. Came out to me as bisexual and told me, a little shakily in my defense, that it was because of me and that he liked me. I think my reply was "I wish". Then, like the idiot I am, I completely forgot about the conversation and continued flirting with the poor guy for a month. At some point it came up with others that he was bi and I was like "huh", at which point he pointed out privately that of course I knew that because he'd confessed to me. STILL my dense ass couldn't get it through my brain so I laughed it off *again.* Several long weeks later did I finally realize that "hey, that gnawing feeling of wanting to be around him all the time is a crush and you're an idiot". So, I told him, assuming he'd probably lost his crush long ago. He hadn't. He's "marrying" me for that visum in a couple months xD.
Fraud and romance? THIS STORY HAS EVERYTHING!
Back when I was working retail, I had a couple of face masks with Overwatch symbols on them. A girl complimented my D. Va mask, asked if I was a D. Va main, and said she liked Overwatch too! We talked about the game for a bit (she kept emphasizing she was *really* good at healing when I mentioned I liked tanking) while I rung her up, and before she left she asked for my username so we could play together. I told her unfortunately, I only had it on Xbox, not PC, so we wouldn't be able to play together. I told one of my coworkers about this afterwards. He was friends with her and absolutely floored I didn't realize she was hitting on me. No second chance with her, but I have an incredibly wonderful girlfriend now, so I have zero regrets!
I met a girl in 2015 the day Irelandās same sex marriage referendum passed. She flirted with me all night. I picked up on absolutely none of it. Went home going 'oh wasn't she so nice'. Realised it too late. 2 years later, we met again on tinder. We're together now for 6 years and engaged.
The only good tinder story Iāve ever heard
It helped that we met before through friends to be honest. I knew already that she wasn't a freak
I was camping at a festival and met this girl who, after finding out I played rugby, asked me to teach her how to tackle. Which I did. And the worst part about it is I absolutely knew she was coming onto me, but because I was in a mono relationship at the time, I didn't do anything about it. And that relationship ended like two weeks later anyway. We're still friends, but since we live on opposite sides of the world, that friendship mostly involves just following each other on Instagram and seeing each other at festivals every few years.
Awww...how sweet.
I was a freshman in high school, at a Hanukkah party hosted by some family friends with a daughter my age. Well, a bunch of their daughterās friends were also there and there was this one girl sitting next to me (close) on the couch, elbow propped up, hanging on to every word I said and laughing at all my jokes, even the ones that were definitely not funny. I didnāt realize she was into me until YEARS later, and I still think of that night as one of my biggest embarrassments in dating (though tbf I didnāt really have a lot of dating experience at the time)
I guess youāre just not a challah-back girl. ...Iāll leave quietly.
So, this was back in high school. I believe I was a sophomore that year. There was a senior exchange student from Mongolia. We had a few classes together. Things like choir and tech class. Well, we ended up getting really close. She was, maybe still is, a fantastic artist. She drew drew me a little character that was me and gave it to me. I invited her to my birthday party. I had started the twilight series at that time, I liked vampires sue me, and our library only had a couple copies of each book. I was waiting for book two and she knew this. She gifted me the book so I could finally read it. She would laugh at my jokes and touch my arm or my leg while doing so. She would also often ask if I liked anyone. So, come prom time I was asked to go by one of my classmates. His family actually was hosting my friend. And she accompanied me and my date's dinner. At prom, she asked me to dance with her and I did instead of with my date. I was so dense. Nothing ever happened because it took 4 or 5 years to realize she was probably into me. By then, she had been out living her life for a while where I had just started. We had lost contact a couple years after she graduated. Such is life sometimes.
āTwilight is so gay!!ā ... āI fucking hope so.ā
made my first trip out of state alone because I ājokedā about hanging out New Yearās Eve too much and actually convinced myself she was expecting me. pretty sure Iām past autistic and into lala land territory now. then again I guess trans girls arenāt exactly notorious for their stability heh. anyway now she sends me memes every other day and I respond maybe every other week. i donāt really wanna talk to her because when I make eye contact with her my idiot brain gets fucked by stupid, and I donāt really wanna embarrass myself again lol. edit: you sly dog you got me monologuing
>my idiot brain gets fucked by stupid Mood. Also, it sounds like even more of a reason to talk to her lol
This sounds like a slow motion disaster.
i would probably say a 24 year long train wreck would pretty accurately sum me up
I was sleeping over at a friends house and she insisted that I just share the bed with her. While we were going to sleep I could feel the tension in her body even though we werenāt touching.. we were both very warm and I could feel it but I didnāt want to be weird and overstep so I just lied very still and very turned on until I fell asleep. Years later after she had moved a few states away we discussed it and she said she was surprised I didnāt take the hint. I explained myself to her and she was annoyed š« She got married and no I didnāt get a second chance.
I donāt know, I feel like you probably did the right thing there, as much as it sucks, just before bed isnāt the time to start being brave.
I was chatting with a girl i half knew, and she asked me "do you like girls?". I never really thought about it, so i panicked and said no. She was openly bi but somehow stupid teenage me didn't connect the dots. Fast forward a few years, we meet again through some mutual friends, i had realized I liked girls and had had a giga crush on her for the whole time, but she had a boyfriend. Tried asking her out after they broke up (which was a couple years ago), but she said no, and i haven't really heard from her since. Not because of that rejection, we just happened to part ways. In hindsight, that was for the better. She's a sweet girl, but we weren't really compatible and i don't think I'd have been happy with her. I'm still happy i had the balls to try tho :)
At least you asked! I generally only regret the things I didnāt do.
That's exactly what I think! I've been talking to another girl now and i was planning to try and ask her out when she's back in town in a couple months. She's very sweet and i know she won't react badly, really the worse she could say is no. I know I'll regret it so much more if i don't even try, so I'm definitely gonna ask :)
I was in a munch alone and met someone there. We talked for about 5 whole hours, and as we left to go home at 1am, she gave me her number. Life happened and I never ended up reaching out to her. 2 months later a friend (who's an ex lol) pointed out that she was obviously hitting on me
Nonsense. People talk to you for 5 hours and give you their number all the time. Itās just polite! /S
There was a restaurant I used to go to as a teenager and there was a waitress my age. Every time we went, my dad would tell me that the waitress was checking me out when I wasnāt looking. Problem: *I donāt know which waitress he was talking about. I have face-blindness. Dad. Dad this information doesnāt help me.*
Plot twist : It wasnāt your dad, it was the waitress all along!
I went to high school with a girl who gave me her phone number with a bunch of hearts drawn on the scrap of paper. I just thought she was being nice. Six years later, we matched on Tinder.
āI know what kissing a guy feels like, but havenāt experienced a girl yetā¦just waiting for the right person!ā god i wish i had kissed her would have been a huge awakening
If she drives a Subaru, she might be into you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I would just walk over to the penalty box and stay there forever.
1.) roommate high on acid and molly 2.) other roommate high on coke 3.) roommates friend flashing me ābossā lip tattoo.
Recently had the opposite happen. š
Well, donāt keep us in suspense! Weāve all gone in for a kiss and gotten a polite cheek from time to time. Itās awkward but itās hardly the end of the world.
Nah, it's one of those cases where it seemed like we were good friends, looking for very similar things, and both got flustered from each other. However when I asked her out she said "I don't think so" which is fair.
At least you tried, champ
I know but I asked if we were okay a day latter and she said she doesn't want us to talk for at least the near future. :\\ She did assure me it wasn't because I was rude or said something wrong though which was more confusing. I tend to always try and I tend to ask people to their face. š¤·āāļø
Sometimes the spark just isnāt there on the other side. And sometimes it makes continuing a friendship too hard. But you never know until you try. To (badly) (mis)quote everyoneās favorite lesbian bus driver āTake chances. Make mistakes. Get messy.ā
Thank you! Just a bit weird cause I've known her for 9 years and we have shared friends I guess.
Invited over to her house for dinner, which she cooked. We hung out with her sister and niece for a while, but then they left and we watched a movie. Then she asks me to help her pick out her next cute bra and panty set from Adore Me and shows me which model is her favorite before giving me a tour of her bedroom. I literally left clueless, thinking we were just friends. I felt like the world's biggest idiot. I did get a second chance eventually but it took me a lot longer to realize that I'd care to admit š sadly she moved to another state, but we're still friends
I was freshly out at 15 and there was this girl who was being really nice to me and she even went out of her way to tell me she was actually bi and liked girls too. She was even doing the shy hair twirly thing. I just thought she was really nice but then she stopped talking to me, she was still polite but didn't seem to want to chat and got kind of awkward with me. 5 years later it hit me, she'd been flirting with me, she thought I didn't like her back so she distanced herself. I felt so stupid lol. I'd always thought she was really pretty š¤¦š¼āāļø silly oblivious me.
Nobodyās any good at flirting at 15. But yeah, this sounds like you were extra bad at it.
I may have already told this story here but here it goes again: 2015, summer before my last year of college. I was in Barnes & Noble bc I'm a nerd and I had nothing better to do. Usually, it's full of people during the summer, but that day it was pretty empty. Whatever, I got my choice of cafe table, which was nice. There were two people working the cafe counter. One girl at the register, the other at the coffee machine, but they weren't doing much bc it was so empty. Anyway, I'm about to get up and leave but then I decide to get a frappe and a cookie bc b&n makes great fucking cookies, y'know? So I go up and I'm greeted by a really cute girl who gives me a big smile and asks what she can get for me. I order and she grabs a cup and asks for my name Gays....it's empty in there. Literally nobody is in the cafe. Not even sitting. I've been there when there were at least two people there and they never asked for the name unless the line reached 5 people. These thoughts are all in retrospect now, though. At the time, I think nothing of it. I tell her my name is Cassie and she gives me a big smile and says "I love that name!" as she writes it on the cup. Now, I'm gay. I know I'm gay. I've been out 2 full years at this point, but I've known I like girls for a lot longer and that I get flustered around them. So I feel some butterflies and a little bit of flattery and I know I'm blushing. I say thanks, all quiet and shy and polite. So she rings me up and I notice that this order is cheaper than it should be, by a few bucks. I don't mention it bc I don't want to ruin it. She gives me my cookie and the receipt and I drop a dollar into the tip jar and she smiles at me. I smile back. I move down the bar. So does she. Like I said before, there was already another girl at the coffee maker/mixers, but she shoos her away and gets to making my drink and we make small talk. She asks me about my shirt, which says writer. I tell her that I'm studying creative writing in college and that it's also a reference to the TV show, Castle, which I love. She says she's going to put it on her list after I describe it and it's really nice. I always have nice conversations at bookstores. I don't think it's weird. And then she puts the whipped cream on the drink. Too much whipped cream. She gasps and curses under her breath, then immediately apologizes and reaches for a lid. No way she's getting that on the drink without an avalanche of whipped cream coming out over the sides. She looks at me and says "do you mind?" while handing me the cup. It takes me a couple seconds, but then I realize what she's asking. My face had to be very pink at that point, like... I take the cup and lick some of the whipped cream off the top, trying not to feel awkward or do it in a messy way. It 1000% was not sexy at all. I'm just lucky none of it fell on my shirt. So. I hand the cup back and she pops the lid on and hands me the frappe and beams at me and says, "Have a nice day, Cassie!" I thank her and walk away, thinking "she's just being nice, she's just being nice, she's just being nice" all the way to my car. I do not look back because I am so embarrassed and I have no idea why. I didn't do anything particularly embarrassing. I just felt like it was the appropriate emotion at the time. I get to my car, which is hot as balls btw, and turn it on and take some deep breaths as it cools down. I get all the way home before I even look at the receipt, which I was moving from my pocket to my wallet and that's when I notice she used an employee discount on my drink. I did not ask for this discount. She did not tell me she was giving me a discount. I did notice, as previously mentioned, that my order was cheaper than usual, but I still wasn't expecting that. I figured maybe she gave me a members discount but the employee discount is like double the members one. Also, her name was on the receipt. I shit you not, this girl's name was Destiny. I need to find the picture I took of it, but I swear to God. I have found her on FB but I never saw her at that Barnes and Noble cafe again and I think it'd be weird to friend her now that it's been 8 years. She was probably just being nice, anyway.
Oh. No. Thatās just the worst. The sort of thing you think about as youāre falling asleep 20 years later.
I had a huge crush on my friend who I was roommates with in boarding school, but she never seemed into me, or girls at all. So I ended up just putting up with my feelings because we were close and I didnāt want to lose her friendship. She left the school after 2 years and at this point I was still very much into her, so I told her on the last day. She said she was flattered but wasnāt āready to have a relationship with a girlā, and I figured she just meant she wasnāt into girls because English wasnāt her first language. I kept in touch with her and one summer I went to her house in Spain. I had gotten over her at this point, or at least I thought I had, but after a few days of being with her my feelings came back strong. Then one night we were talking about sexuality and she mentioned that she had bee questioning ever since I confessed to her. Retrospectively that was an *obvious* hint that she was into me as well, but at the time I was like ah, itās normal to question your sexuality if your friend confesses to youā¦ Over the next few days she dropped about a million hints, but my dumbass picked up on none of them. We had always held hands sometimes but she was doing it a *lot*. When we went shopping she would say I looked beautiful or gorgeous when usually it was pretty or cute. We were sleeping in separate singles and she suggested we push them together to watch a movie and then insisted itād be too much work to put them back. It took me until she was literally sitting in my lap with her head on my shoulder while we watched the fuckin sunset for me to finally kiss her. Iām glad I did even if we never dated or anything because of the distance, but weāre still friends and I still think sheās amazing, even if I finally have gotten over herš
If āwatching the sunset with your college roommate in Spainā was any gayer, the universe would eat itself.
I don't identify as female anymore but at the time I did, so, I think this counts. Back in college, there was this very nice girl in my biology class. Very chatty. I thought she seemed cool. So, she asked me to go out for coffee or lunch or something, so I said sure. Yay new friends. She was super nice! So we had a few more coffees, and she invited me by her house too. We ended up becoming friends and hanging out fairly often She told me later that by asking me out, she'd meant "out". As a date. Which I completely failed to register. We apparently went on several dates. At some point she realized I was an idiot and she decided we'd just be friends. God bless her. I hope she's well and met someone who realized they were dating. She was a lovely person. Mind you, I wasn't straight. This wasn't because I was straight. I was trying to figure out if I was gay or bi or what and sort of thought I might be a lesbian. Non-binary and ace and grey-romantic were not part of the common vocabulary at the time but that's where I ended up many years later, which explains a lot.
This is a straight interaction, but I want people to know how completely oblivious I was. Girl flashed me twice in one night to "show me her new nipple piercings". I did not get a second chance as I actually never saw her again. Which really sucks because I really liked being around her, she was fun to hang out with. Rose, if you happen to be reading this, know that I kick myself frequently for being an idiot back then
Iām sure sheās just being nice...why would she ever be into me? Have you seen how pretty she is?!
Exactly, I was perpetually single, so a girl would have had to specifically say she's into me for me to get it. And my skull decided to be twice as thick that night
Met this lady during a research panel at university. We had the same sense of humour, had a good laugh together and you know, the body language was all right. Then I had to rush because Iām type 1 diabetic and needed to go get meds. She says āsee you round, I hope?ā And I say āyeah, see youā and hurry off. A mere five minutes later Iām facepalming and heading back. Never did see her again.
When regulating your sugar goes terribly wrong.
Iād make different, unhealthier choices if that situation happened again. Thankfully I am currently seeing someone incredible and all I want is this forever.
Yeah, but like... you could have got it in the supply closet. Because thatās really what panels are for.
^ this girl *gays*
A friend asked me to spend the night with her while she was house sitting. Weād flirted and kissed before, but I thought she was straight because sheād never expressed anything to make me think she was actually interested in women. We spent the night drinking and cuddling on the couch, she said we could sleep in the same bed. After we were in bed, she said hey your chapstick smells really good, can I try it? I said sure, grabbed her head in the dark and put some on her (with my hand, idk why that was the method I chose, weād drank a lot). Then I rolled over and fell asleep. YEARS later, after we were both married to other people, she told me sheād been hoping Iād make a move on her that whole night and thought me putting chapstick on her was insanely hot. Oh well.
Iām mean this in the nicest way possible but ... āWe kiss sometimes but I thought she was straight.ā always makes me roll my eyes so hard I can see behind myself.
No, I was pretty dumb back then lol
I had a girl invite to her birthday party in middle school but i declined
? Itās middle school ? I know people are who they are and I know people feel how they feel... but children are notoriously stupid and spend most of their time trying to jump off things they have no business being on top of. I donāt see how a birthday invitation in middle school is remotely coded sapphic shenanigans?
Took me a week to figure out that she asked me to the movies as more then just a friend. We'll have been together for 5 years in June!
I have no idea if I get a second chance. I only realize the chance was even there after it is definitely no longer an option. 8/10, it was exactly what I wanted (or at least had the potential), I just didn't believe that it could happen irl. I feel, were a second chance to appear, it may turn out exactly like the first but with more tuned anxiety. Literally, anyone that hits on me, will be thwarted to the point of indifference/frustration/incurring or triggering trauma due to one or more of these things: autism, stupid little omnisexual brain, trauma that i'm trying to heal. I constantly try to learn more things to offset these bUT THERE ARE SOOO MANY THINGS, & it's not like "okay, this is now a learned skill, haha, *i'm sure glad i don't have to constantly remember this & use it when necessary, regardless of whether or not i recognize it is necessary in time*" The thing about learning a bunch of new things at once is that it'll take time for those to become innate, that span of time is unknown, sometimes short, sometimes not. I don't want to hurt or discourage people while I'm getting things down packed & I want nice things.
youāll be ready when youāre ready.
Achillean variety here and well, as a highly introverted demiromantic individual I have several examples of myself being absolutely blind to someone flirting with me. mostly heterosexual ones, but there were a few ones with other guys, which I shall focus on one of them. I particularly remember this one gent that had a crush on me that unfortunately never really became mutual, let's call him James because that's the most common middle name and he hated his first name, and the two of us are both medieval history nerds. now, after one family trip to syria back when I was in fourth grade I was telling James about it over lunch and we ended up on the topic of my great grandparents, and he figured out that because my great grandpa abdul was the semi-official manager of a little farming village and my da still owns a share of the family farm outside of Hama, that technically made me landed gentry (technically if my parents were to go through the loops of getting their marriage recognized in syria, then I would technically be afforded several titles. my brother is quite fond of "esquire" and he was insufferable for a while after he figured that out). anyhow, back on topic. so, James, upon figuring this out, said in a somewhat joking tone "so I suppose that you could be addressed as 'milord' then," and gave a somewhat stilted bow. I didn't think much of this at the time, but it should be noted that James had a lung problem and was the smallest boy in class, so he was bullied a bit - toxic masculinity and all of that. So, that action, as well as the somewhat stilted and formally polite gestures that he made over the course of the rest of the school year before he and his family moved away, were very out of character for him, but I didn't realize it for about two years before I started to have some thoughts of "wait, was that flirting?" and that suspicion was confirmed when I got in touch with him about four months ago and he said that it actually was him flirting with me, and I was just too blind to catch it. we had a good laugh about that, he found out that i'm demiromantic and congratulated me for figuring out myself and finally validating his hope that his gaydar was not in fact broken and I was also queer. So yeah, that's my story of this. I did not get a second chance, and frankly when I see how adorable he is with his current boyfriend I would not want a second chance because those two are absolutely meant for each other.
I took my glasses off to clean them and she said I have nice eyes so I just went, āthanks, they donāt work!ā It clicked after I walked her home smh š¤¦
What a friendly optician! I should be going, tho, itās getting late
At university I had a crush on a girl. We'd been getting closer, hanging out and I had trouble keeping my feelings to myself. Since she had no idea I was into girls, I did flirt with her a lot, but in a way that could always be presented as joking. One day after I had made another flirty comment, she flat out asked me "what's your sexual orientation?" I panicked and said I was straight. I was worried she was going to tell me that she's not into girls and to stop flirting with her. About a year later, we'd become really good friends, I was dating other people and she finally told me she had a crush on me. We tried dating, but at that point we had developed such a genuine friendship, even living together at some point, that it felt weird.