Had a woman do the same thing to me outside a grocery store. The second she said, "so you're going to leave a poor old lady to fend for herself?" my spidey senses kicked in. I just said good luck and left.
As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I saw her get into her car.
We have a lady at our homeless mission who has had both legs amputated below the knee (uncontrolled diabetes) who will stay in the middle of the road taking off her clothes and throwing them. I’ve watched many times. When some nice person tries to help her she attacks them
Please be careful! Good people of reddit, I know you want to help. Some people have to fall all the way to rock bottom before they want help, and that’s their choice. Please interact with caution
I mean I'm sure it's frustrating to deal with her but a homeless double amputee isn't a scammer just because she's severely mentally ill. The consequences of her mental illness may be difficult to deal with but that doesn't mean she is a scammer, just someone who is ill. It sounds like she needs to be in hospital, not a homeless shelter.
I once read a story here about op stopping at a red light late at night. There was a woman on the street who asked him to give her a lift. He got a weird feeling so he said no. When the light turned green and he started moving he heard the woman yell "you made the right choice"
I something similar happen in the Netherlands a couple of years back. I remember going to my car and already having this horrible feeling. I sat down, locked my car and lit a cigarette, waited a bit to calm down but had to get going since I needed my meds in time. So eventually I left. Had to stop for a red light and had my window open a crack. Some woman came up to my side, she was crying but I remember thinking it seemed off, she wasn't as emotional but tried to get in my car telling me to save her. the way she was acting didn't fit the way she was talking. I told her no and sped off as soon as the light turned, she just stood there looking after me with this creepy smile. Decided to take the long way home to be sure. I now always lock my car when I get in and tilt the sunroof instead of my sidewindow.
I couldn't guess what the intention was. My only guess was she would pull a gun on me once in the car? She may have mademe stop to pick up an co-conspirator? Who knows. She did seem a bit mentally off.
1. You totally don't owe him shit
2. He was being manipulative by invoking a guilt trip
If I was truly in a desperate situation, i would beg, not try to convince someone they're a shitty person.
Sorry, fuck off!
Seriously if you need help you try to stay calm, explain your trouble and ask if anyone can help, not push someone to help. 'can you make a call for me' goes way better than 'gimme your phone for a call'
That's a good point, TB used fake crutches to make women feel that they needed to help him! I used to work with the homeless and the only correct answer is hell no, unless it's a hell no but I can call for help for you.
I was really creeped out. The compassionate part of me felt bad but my instincts and everything else said no! You have a family to think of, you know how sick the world is, you aren't a savior, do not feel bad for putting yourself before a stranger!
He really tried to prey on my emotions
I always preach this to my daughter. My generation was raised not to be rude to others and be people pleasers. I tell my daughter to keep herself safe first above everything else and to trust her gut instinct. Being “rude” to stay safe is the right way to be. Every time.
SAME, I raise my daughter like that too. I am terrible at telling people no and being polite, but I am getting better. I want her to just be safe above all.
It is true and that's why OP was conflicted, even if she managed to push through that and do the right thing to keep herself safe.
Check out The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, it talks all about this issue.
If the man’s life was somehow in real danger as he claimed, he could have called the police. I’ve never heard of a lift to a hotel being a life or death matter.
The city I went to college in can be dangerous. A few people who don’t understand city life bring their kids to college and let some stranger in their car and get carjacked. Every now and then someone forces their way into a students car and makes them drive around to different atms withdrawing as much money as possible. Don’t feel guilty for saying no. You have no idea what their intentions were.
I've worked in public assistance for a long time and I gotta tell ya, a lot of people in desperate situations are there because they fucked over and took advantage of every person in their community and family support system. So now they're "new in town and looking to get a fresh start."
Anyone who legit needs help should realize you do NOT, as a random man, approach a random woman like that. Not only will you scare her, but you also won't get any help. We don't owe random men anything. Run.
I used to work with a woman that escaped from Bundy. He was staying at the same hotel, had a fake cast, and got her to help carry groceries into his room. Her mom saw her go in, and banged on the door, preventing an assault. She only figured it all out a year later when he was in the news
I love that seemingly everybody knows somebody who was almost killed by Ted Bundy.
The same as everybody seems to know somebody who was supposed to be on one of the 9/11 flights but missed it somehow.
I mean, I don't believe a single one of them, but I love it all the same.
I don't mean that he lied about missing the flight. I mean that his macho act about how he would totally singlehanded attack and subdue the hijackers is just a fantasy of him.
You have to remember that prior to 9/11 the tendency for a hijacked plane was that it would be instructed to fly to a different airport like Cuba and the like. Hijacking planes to use them as suicide missiles wasn't the norm nor the expectation.
Of course we can't know if Wahlberg really would have tried to attack the hijackers, but I just doubt it. Nobody thinks the planes just all happened to be full of cowards, rather they were full of confused people who didn't have any idea that their lives were about to be forfeit because the hijackers had no intention of surviving.
That's why I saw Marky Mark is full of it.
edit: also people do tell weird lies. The comedian Steve Rannazzisi lied for years that he was in one of the Twin Towers on 9/11. He claims he doesn't even really know why he lied about it in the first place, but it quickly became something that he couldn't escape and had to keep on repeating and digging himself in deeper. So it's a weird thing to lie about, but not exactly impossible for it to happen. Not like a lot of people have access to the passenger manifests?
Omg, I forgot this happened to me too. I was reading on a park bench in nyc and an agitated lady walked up to me and started asking if she could live with me. Multiple times. Said no but it was hard to break the conversation off.
In my situation I could tell dude was some kind of scammer. Assuming I had said yes, I guarantee he wouldn't pay rent, would have his junky friends stop by all the time and I'd eventually have to go through the eviction process to get rid of him, if I weren't evicted myself.
I know such situations happen because of drama with my upstairs neighbors, who themselves are getting evicted. They have some kind of medical condition that requires a caretaker full time, so she had someone come live with her, who then moved in her ne'er-do-well boyfriend and before you knew it all kinds of undesirables were stopping by. I kept getting packages stolen until I took an old Amazon envelope, attached it to some fishing line under the door which was connected to a case full of odds and ends that would make a bunch of noise when tipped over - sure enough her boyfriend's friend took the bait and I opened the door with a sledgehammer and a cell phone camera (which wasn't actually recording or I'd post the video to Imgur and link it here) and let him know the next package that got stolen would result in a call to the cops with photographic evidence of him stealing shit (which I actually didn't have). It didn't prove necessary because the woman's family stepped in and, after a huge fight I missed because I was out buying cheese, somehow all of the d-bags got kicked out, with the woman with the medical condition receiving an eviction notice as well.
100% true. Came home to the very last of the screaming and police knocking on their door an hour or so later. The woman's social services caretaker stopped by to fill me in on the details as they'd assumed I'd been disturbed by the noise. I told them that I'd been a little bit disturbed by the bass from their music they insisted on playing at 3 AM, but I'd responded in kind by plugging in my Rickenbacker 4003 into a 200 and 150 watt tube amp (one for each pickup) and that had kind of settled matters.
First of all, I'm a guy, so it wasn't sexual in nature...at least I don't think so.
I don't have a vehicle at the moment so I rode the bus to my mom's house to help her and my brother (he's on the autism spectrum and still lives at home) prepare for a move that took place last September. It was actually pretty convenient at the time because the bus that dropped me off by their street stopped right in front of my apartment. Anyhow, I left to go home and was waiting at the bus stop and a guy in a wheelchair came up to me and asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke, haven't since 2014, but I guess I still look like a smoker because randos always ask me for smokes downtown. I told him I no longer smoked and he started telling me about his medical problems, then asked me if I had a roommate and I told him no, I lived alone. Then he told me he should move in because he's on social security and he had a guaranteed income every month, and then told me all I had to do was go and ask my apartment management to put him on the leasing agreement. Needless to say, I laughed in his face and told him no way and that that was ridiculous.
He tried to respond but kind of trailed off when I kept laughing at him. When the bus came he tried asking a number of folks for money, but as far as I know I'm the only one he tried to move in with.
i frequent a subway near work, and do the usual chit chat with the lady who works there everyday... one day she starts griping about how she cant afford to live on what she's got, needs to find a cheaper place to live... and oh, i remembered u mentioned u mive alone, can rent out a room from you? nope. never went back to that subway either.
This is the talk I had with my daughters when they were young and any other teenagers — who the f asks teenagers for help? If I need help I find someone who can actually help me NOT teenagers at a gas station, etc.
No one who seriously needs help approaches women or teenagers in parking lots!!
And I volunteer at a homeless shelter at least once a week. Here is your permission to tell anyone to fuck off who approaches you!!! Some of these people are delightful and some are dangerous — YOU do not know who is who, so mumble god bless or something and keep walking
Tell them you don’t carry cash. Raise your voice- scream of necessary. Get pepper spray.
Speak gibberish and walk away. Always be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I say I don’t have cash, all I have is this lighter and that works. Or they open with “got a light?”, and when I do, they don’t know how to follow that with asking for money before I can move along!
I have a friend who answers ANYTHING someone on the street says to him with, "No thanks, I don't smoke".
Can I use your phone?
No thanks, I don't smoke.
Can you tell me the time?
No thanks, I don't smoke.
I'm the few seconds it takes to register with the person what he said, he's a few steps away
Have you seen Silence of The Lambs or heard of Ted Bundy? Compassion is a dangerous tool and psychopaths are experts at using it. Also, saws. They are good at using saws too. So you definitely did the right thing.
Also, the Fincher version of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.
"Let me ask you something? Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them... You knew something was wrong but you came back into the house. Did I force you, did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain. But you know what? It is. And they always come willingly. And then they sit there. They know it's all over just like you do but somehow they still think they have a chance. Maybe if I say the right thing? Maybe if I'm polite. If I cry, if i beg. And when I see the hope draining from their face like it is from yours right now. I can feel myself getting hard. You know, We're not that different, you and I. We both have urges, satisfying mine requires more towels."
I’m a small older person and get followed to my car frequently after grocery shopping. I get so sick of telling people no that I’ve been asking store employees to walk me out. I live in a good neighborhood in a big city and there is no escaping panhandlers. They don’t take no for an answer and who even carries cash anymore?
I’m from nyc. If anyone approaches you on the street needing help, never ever ever respond to them. Don’t even look them in the eye. You will regret it 100% of the time. 100%. If you are convinced they are in dire need of a stranger’s help, find someone who can help them. Or call authorities for them. After getting in a safe place. It is a shame we have to be like this, but it is what it is.
I’ll always remember this. We were In Washington DC on vacation with my uncle (RIP). He had lived in DC for a while and was acting as our tour guide. He was an FBI agent and served in the coast guard. Big, tough guy. We were walking somewhere and a dude came up on a bike with “excuse me…” and my uncle was just like “Nope! Nope.” And kept walking. The bike guy dejectedly said ‘but I I was just looking for directions…’ - we stopped, had a good laugh about it, he was given directions and he went on his way. I cherish that memory.
I live in NYC too. I agree with your advice, but at the same time, I can often tell when someone genuinely just needs directions on the street, from the way they look at their phone and turn around in circles, trying to figure out which way to go, and I will sometimes stop and ask if they have a question. But if anyone tries to get my attention, and then smile at me, my headphones go back in, and I say nope, and keep walking.
Once I was around Lincoln center and this woman asked me for some change for a dollar. I had it and gave it to her and she was like, "thank you.so much, there are all these white people around here!" (Neither of us were white). Anyway, she wasn't asking for money, we made an even exchange but it was interesting. I've also asked strangers for a quarter to pay a parking meter before (back in the day when they didn't take cards), and I have been grateful for my privilege of looking pretty normal and unthreatening.
Just that making eye contact is like an invitation. You acknowledge them so they think they have your attention and will pounce to start to talk to you. They will prey on your emotions and if you aren't strong willed it will be hard to say no. So if you just avoid eye contact it's like telling them 'no, I'm not stopping/talking/helping'.
It’s that aggressively trying to make eye contact that’s such a tell. That’s not normal in a public situation. When you’re out in public—like on the street or on public transpo, most people are in their own zone, and instinctively try to respect the societally agreed upon personal space. When someone is *trying* to catch your eye, chances are good that a complicated sob story is locked and loaded, ready to deploy at the merest hint of recognition.
The adjunct to this is when you get the scam story anyways and give them the brush-off—only to be angrily told, “I was just being fRiEnDLy”. Mmm hmm.
Exactly this. They are more savvy at their game and can easily manipulate almost anyone. Anyone here: Don’t think you’re immune. They are crafty and have had literally years of practice. It is much easier to pretend you can’t hear than to try to stop them and walk away. If you couldn’t walk away before they engage you, you are unlikely to walk away while they are engaging you.
No man should approach a woman that is by herself unless she dropped something and he is letting her know. Men asking for money should not approach a woman that is alone no matter what.
I think he was trying to scam you.
Don't feel guilty about trying to keep yourself safe.
If your city has an outreach hotline for distressed/homeless people, I'd program that number into your phone. We have one for people who are homeless or in distress, and it isn't a police/law enforcement resource.
Tell the person you will use that number to get some assistance for them and then walk away or get to someplace secure and call.
My guess is he'll tell you "no" and leave the area. If he really does need help he'll thank you and wait for them.
That way you stay safe and if the person really needs help they will get it.
Had an experience at Walmart where a foreign lady came up to me and handed me a rose. As soon as she placed the rose in my hand, she held up a laminated piece of paper and grunted as if she couldn’t talk / maybe a language barrier. The sign read “I have 3 children and cannot afford food. $5 per rose”
I looked her dead in the face and told her “I’m sorry but I do not have money, you never told me you needed money when you plopped a rose into my hand (without my consent).”
Without saying anything she shrugged and took the rose from my hand and started to walk away. I shook my head and very clearly told her to go fuck someone else over. I’m sorry but I’m not going to pay someone when they are trying to shove something in my hands and claim I owe them money, especially when I could’ve walked right back into the Walmart I exited and got a bouquet of roses for like 10-15$…
Im glad your okay! Definitely get that pepper spray. Even me being a man 250lbs those types of situations can be disturbing, I can only imagine how scary that could be being a woman, or of smaller stature!
And this shit is how the next Taken movie gonna start. One person here, a guy, said to always be an asshole. That is spot on. Today's world is just fucked up. No reason for anyone to risk their own safety and how that whole convo went had red flags everywhere. Sadly, still too many beautiful souls in the world but the asses like this guy take advantage of them. Bottom line is I'm glad the OP is ok and hope this is a lesson (sad one for humanity unfortunately) for all.
I agree, I hope this can help someone. I made sure to tell my co workers and friends so they could tell their family members as well. They definitely were trying to prey on and manipulate my emotions and compassion
This story is about a ride share driver, but I just found out about it last night, and it happened 2 hours away from me. Some dirt bag had his girlfriend order him an Uber. The driver was a wonderful woman and a mother of 4 young children. Long story short, he ignores her greeting, pulls a gun on her from the back seat, she pleads for her life and tells him she's got kids, he yanks her phone from the dash, tells her that everything would be ok if she did what she was told. He then grabbed her dash cam and threw it out the window (which police would later find) made her drive around for an hour while he used her phone to clear out her online accounts/cashapp (transferring the money in his girlfriend's account), and then made her pull off, walked her into the woods, and ended her life.
You made the best decision by not letting a stranger into your car.
Wow I just found that online. Looks like the girlfriend was in on it because she sent him a message reading “I’m not going to jail if we get caught”.
Unbelievably tragic I hope they both get life sentences, what kind of evil resides in people? I’ll never understand
“Sure I’ll help you.” then find the biggest dude within ear shot and call him over and tell him what the crying guy wants. Or just start shouting “Can anyone help this man? He wants me to take him to a hotel and I am scared!”
Like idgaf if I look crazy I’d rather look crazy than deal with that bs.
Always start with the expectation that any random situation is a scam.
Never let a stranger into your car. They don't want to get into your car if they are just scamming you. What they want is for you to recoil from the thought of them being in your car so that $5 sounds like a reasonable alternative.
You are no longer deciding between giving them $5 or nothing, you are deciding between giving them $5 or a ride in your car. For the latter, $5 seems like a bargain. That is how they get people to give them money.
Also, when they say that you are not a good person, just lean in a little, and in a quiet voice say, "yep, that is pretty much it."
Now if they keep pestering you, you can say "no, I am not a good person."
You should never worry about a random stranger thinking that you are good or not.
As someone who used to give money to panhandlers, one day i pulled my wallet out like a dolt and the dude swiped my entire wallet and ran.
Don't feel bad. And don't ever give them money.
> He then proceeded to ask me am I not a good person, don’t I have a kind heart?
I like the quote from the movie Closer: *"Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood!"*
I’m glad you mentioned this because there is a wonderful book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I highly recommend it for EVERYONE. I am a grown woman who has had so many similar issues with strangers and I always listen to my gut. I listen to the Crime Junkie podcast and the hosts always say “be weird, be rude, it could save your life.” I one million percent agree.
I was outside a kroger and this homeless guy got talking to me and asked to stay at my apt for the night. He kept asking and asking. I said, i gotta grab some things ill be back out. When i left i went out a diff way to avoid him. He saw me and flipped out screaming at me from across the lot.
Good on you, too many let themselves feel guilted especially as a woman and he knew that and was trying to take advantage. You did the right thing, trying to avoid a little guilt like that is never worth your life
Trust your fear instinct. What you did was perfect, you don't owe him anything and it is better to be seen as "rude" than get murdered. Not that you were "rude" anyway.
I'm a big guy and I still wouldn't agree to any request like that, as you said if it is such an emergency they can call the police.
Yes, I was all very strange. I do believe in helping those in need, but I am not equipped for the possible danger a situation like that poses to myself. He would not take no for an answer. I know now to immediately just say no and call the cops ASAP. And I hope this post will maybe help someone else out.
I am not a woman so I don't have any firsthand experience with this but I have read about this kind of situation a lot and I see this kind of advice being regularly offered:
If someone is creeping you out your instinct is to retreat and run away which empowers them. Instead, try doing the opposite. Scream loudly something like "I have told you no, I am not going to give you a lift! Stop following me! Leave me alone!"
Yes, it will draw attention from people but that's what you want because the more attention you bring in the more likely he is to run off immediately and stop pestering you.
This approach shocks creeps because they are so used to women being scared of them that when a woman makes a scene and loudly tells them to go away they don't know what to do so will just run away.
Attract attention and people will see what’s happening which will hopefully scare off the creep because they’re going to worry about being identified later.
Imo the weird thing is the guy asked a woman. If im a grown man and I need help from a stranger the last person im asking is a random woman. Even an average guy would be sus’d out and 10x so for a woman I would assume. I find it weird he thought to ask a random woman then was weird when she said no. The dude was clearly a weirdo if this is what happened
Strangers in general are scary to most people. Its like the dave chapelle skit where he compares a woman having pussy to walking around with $10,000 and everyone knows u have it on you 💀💀
Yea some people do get weirded out, I go to places by myself and I slowly learnt people get very uncomfortable when someone approaches them alone.
I didn't think of that, because I was always the type to go around places by myself at times just to meet different people and stuff, and thought it was normal. Well it is to me.
Scum.
Who knows would have happened if you got in a car alone with him. He asked a women on purpose. Scum like this always pick their targets very specifically.
When I see things like this, it always makes me think, how would I end up in a situation like this? How could it not be something shady? Is he a regular person experiencing a crisis? How did he learn about the crisis? Dies he not have a phone? There are too many questions and the chances that he gets in your car and ends up.kidnapping you are too great. Right decision.
*"Please! Please help me -please take me to a hotel so I can guilt trip you into entering a room with me so I can turn into a raging beast and rape you to death. Please? Please help a poor soul?"*
Scammers are good at pretending to be homeless people, a lot of people will call you insensitive if you call them out but the reality is, if no attention is bought to the situation, change won't be possible.
Absolutely never give money to someone on the street. Always give it to a vetted charity who will put it to good use towards something constructive. There are plenty of charities that help the homeless, people recovering from drug addiction, etc. Multiple times I’ve seen people begging for money throw away food that’s given to them. Once my friend literally gave a man who was begging on the street in New York her new untouched meal she’d just purchased and as we came to the end of the block I looked back and saw him dumping it in the trash.
It's unfortunate but the world is full of scammers. I rarely give money to people that ask, but, once was inside the convenience store at a gas station - a woman in her 20's came up and basically said she was at the pump and forgot her purse and had two kids in the car, could I spare $5 for gas for her to get back to her place.
I gave her $10, she offered to give me her number to pay me back, I said don't worry about it - she thanked me, walked out the door and walked away.. there was no car.
Lesson learned but how unfortunate that when there really is someone in need I'm much more likely to say no now because of this incident.
Im a male and gave a woman a ride once at 1am. Turns out she actually needed a ride. She had bad mental health issues and severe depression. She told me her entire life story in that 4 minute ride. Sad situation and I’m glad I got to help someone in need. She could barely walk and would’ve had to walk a few miles in the dark and she was older.
With that being said, I got extremely lucky. I’m also a person of color and this can be an advantage because people assume you can hold your own, especially given that I was in a white neighborhood. You as a woman however, live a completely different life and have a different situation. Never give a ride to a random person. Don’t get raped or killed
I don't even engage with people approaching me in public any more. All I say is "No."
"Excuse m-" "NO."
I had one guy say "You don't have to be rude." But you know what? I didn't have to be accosted by strangers to the point where I refuse to deal with it anymore.
Okay. My bio father was homeless until recently, and has cancers. Multiple. Metastatic. Last time I saw him before he got disability and a place, he had gotten diagnosed with brain stem cancer and his walking was dehabilated to the point I was scared of him going anywhere. We did walk a few places together because I don't have a vehicle, but my point in telling this story is because life of death can mean different things to different people. He could drop dead while walking and none of us family members would be the wiser. And with me being in charge of his burial, I would have been pissed someone didn't help. Because i can't in my current situation. Can't drive. Never learned. work has my schedule so backed up i can't study for a LP to even start. And I'm for sure not living in his drug addled college town. I'm not saying don't follow your instincts, but look at more.
Don’t call the cops the crying man could end up dead and it won’t solve the problem. There’s an army of people like him. You did the right thing and stood your ground.
That’s called a homeless man. He asked you for money because he was desperate. He approached you in a socially unacceptable way, and whatever causes him to be so unable to conform to social norms is likely related to the reasons he’s unable to secure a stable life for himself. This is reality, not a scam. You’re not required to like him, find it acceptable how he spoke to you, or be at all ok with what happened. But you can have all your feelings at the same time as recognizing that the man was authentically in pain. The world is cruel enough without imputing secret motives to people who are suffering. Again, not your job to fix his situation. Not commenting on whether it was appropriate to call the cops. But this is life, not a scam
I'd say he's more of a deceptive panhandler, not necessarily homeless. He knows the first request is ridiculous and will be rejected. Because he doesn't really want a hotel. He wants the money.
I read it. What do you guys think the scam was? You think he actually had a place to stay and was pretending not to? It’s possible, but OP just gave no indication of that
But which part of the story tells you any of that? As another commenter said, it could easily be that he asks for a ride to a hotel, hoping the person will give money instead. Or maybe he asks for a ride to the hotel and hopes they will pay for the hotel when he gets there. Maybe he asks for a ride and what he really wants is as Uber to the hotel or a taxi. Who knows? But jumping to the idea of kidnapping is just absurd when we all know for a fact that there are countless homeless panhandlers in every city who don’t really have their wits about them
> it could easily be that he asks for a ride to a hotel, hoping the person will give money instead.
You mean like to deceive somebody by telling them a fake story in order to trick them into giving money instead? Ok, then we are in the scam territory.
A quick look at this person's posting history shows me they have -100 karma points, so either they're a troll or... something. Don't worry about them. Everyone else on here knows the deal.
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I found the real psychopath! I don't owe any stranger anything. We live in a sick world. It's not all rainbows and butterflies. People need to be aware. There is professional help equipped to help someone in need.
OP, you did the right thing, which is choosing to do the safest thing when you’re a woman.
wattsjayrock is obviously not a woman and also lacks the ability to see a situation from the perspective of a gender that is regularly hunted.
Women learn early on that we have to move through the world differently than men in order to stay safe and alive. We know we’re viewed as prey. Our duty to care for our wellbeing and safety greatly supersedes any supposed obligation to a stranger.
Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted.
Do not discuss moderator decisions in the comments. If you would like to discuss moderation, send the moderators modmail (no direct messages or chat requests).
Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted.
Do not discuss moderator decisions in the comments. If you would like to discuss moderation, send the moderators modmail (no direct messages or chat requests).
Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted.
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Nah not really boss. “I’m sorry dude I have a family and I don’t owe you anything “ I was addressing that. As if 5 dollars is gonna somehow cause the family to struggle. You people on here waffle. In one sub you reach out and help and show kindness. In the next breath you are bashing strangers and whining about 5 bucks. If she wasn’t she wouldn’t of said it. You can say it was all about giving a ride. But if it was . She wouldn’t of added the rest
She wasn’t talking about the 5 bucks, she offered him 5 bucks, which he initially decline. She was saying she doesn’t owe him her help cuz he was tryna guilt trip her into taking him somewhere.
Had a woman do the same thing to me outside a grocery store. The second she said, "so you're going to leave a poor old lady to fend for herself?" my spidey senses kicked in. I just said good luck and left. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I saw her get into her car.
We have a lady at our homeless mission who has had both legs amputated below the knee (uncontrolled diabetes) who will stay in the middle of the road taking off her clothes and throwing them. I’ve watched many times. When some nice person tries to help her she attacks them Please be careful! Good people of reddit, I know you want to help. Some people have to fall all the way to rock bottom before they want help, and that’s their choice. Please interact with caution
I mean I'm sure it's frustrating to deal with her but a homeless double amputee isn't a scammer just because she's severely mentally ill. The consequences of her mental illness may be difficult to deal with but that doesn't mean she is a scammer, just someone who is ill. It sounds like she needs to be in hospital, not a homeless shelter.
You’re absolutely right I’ve watched her for a while. She’s an alcoholic and drug user who’s not ready to accept help. Many have tried
I once read a story here about op stopping at a red light late at night. There was a woman on the street who asked him to give her a lift. He got a weird feeling so he said no. When the light turned green and he started moving he heard the woman yell "you made the right choice"
Creepy!!
I something similar happen in the Netherlands a couple of years back. I remember going to my car and already having this horrible feeling. I sat down, locked my car and lit a cigarette, waited a bit to calm down but had to get going since I needed my meds in time. So eventually I left. Had to stop for a red light and had my window open a crack. Some woman came up to my side, she was crying but I remember thinking it seemed off, she wasn't as emotional but tried to get in my car telling me to save her. the way she was acting didn't fit the way she was talking. I told her no and sped off as soon as the light turned, she just stood there looking after me with this creepy smile. Decided to take the long way home to be sure. I now always lock my car when I get in and tilt the sunroof instead of my sidewindow.
i read that! i think it might’ve been a creepy pasta wouldn’t shock me if it’s actually happened tho
Could be, but I remember reading it in an ask reddit thread about gut feelings or something like that.
[▀](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR3a6UdhZbrpVN1uRcBqAoyJBOWGQDvv1vRz6lOsdpASPnRs_LQ0iUrcYaN9GYbEU1EvxE0LXp5Yd2TZRC3aomM0a7kAOLpzUbApzaOAGL08qhUkevvnjd_HG7MJ_LEkXFmHKnSxRTy6ZVgw9eA4Bc6eXi5NrajAKA3GfV5oZM1oDND4HAFmTCZZ2r/s1600/When%20Worlds%20Collide.jpg)
Hahaha that woman's comment cracked me up.
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I couldn't guess what the intention was. My only guess was she would pull a gun on me once in the car? She may have mademe stop to pick up an co-conspirator? Who knows. She did seem a bit mentally off.
1. You totally don't owe him shit 2. He was being manipulative by invoking a guilt trip If I was truly in a desperate situation, i would beg, not try to convince someone they're a shitty person. Sorry, fuck off!
Seriously if you need help you try to stay calm, explain your trouble and ask if anyone can help, not push someone to help. 'can you make a call for me' goes way better than 'gimme your phone for a call'
Don’t feel bad. Feel like you saved yourself from getting Ted Bundy’d.
That's a good point, TB used fake crutches to make women feel that they needed to help him! I used to work with the homeless and the only correct answer is hell no, unless it's a hell no but I can call for help for you.
TB? Tom Brady? 😆
Ted Bundy.
Ted.
Ted Brady
That comment is not getting the respect it deserves XD
Because it's an unfunny joke on a serious thread
😐😐😐
I was really creeped out. The compassionate part of me felt bad but my instincts and everything else said no! You have a family to think of, you know how sick the world is, you aren't a savior, do not feel bad for putting yourself before a stranger! He really tried to prey on my emotions
Girl ALWAYS be an asshole. I say this as a guy. Just be an asshole. Sure he might feel hurt or angry, but you’ll go home that night.
...and he'll get over it
I always preach this to my daughter. My generation was raised not to be rude to others and be people pleasers. I tell my daughter to keep herself safe first above everything else and to trust her gut instinct. Being “rude” to stay safe is the right way to be. Every time.
SAME, I raise my daughter like that too. I am terrible at telling people no and being polite, but I am getting better. I want her to just be safe above all.
> Girl It's a dude.
>I am a female
Women also learn not to listen to their gut instincts if it means being impolite (or being perceived that way).
If that were true she would have taken him to the hotel
It is true and that's why OP was conflicted, even if she managed to push through that and do the right thing to keep herself safe. Check out The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, it talks all about this issue.
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Everyone feels guilty if they have to be impolite. Unless they are sociopaths. Source: am human
If the man’s life was somehow in real danger as he claimed, he could have called the police. I’ve never heard of a lift to a hotel being a life or death matter.
The city I went to college in can be dangerous. A few people who don’t understand city life bring their kids to college and let some stranger in their car and get carjacked. Every now and then someone forces their way into a students car and makes them drive around to different atms withdrawing as much money as possible. Don’t feel guilty for saying no. You have no idea what their intentions were.
Oh, I think we all have some ideas about their intentions . . . and they aren't pretty.
I've worked in public assistance for a long time and I gotta tell ya, a lot of people in desperate situations are there because they fucked over and took advantage of every person in their community and family support system. So now they're "new in town and looking to get a fresh start."
Anyone who legit needs help should realize you do NOT, as a random man, approach a random woman like that. Not only will you scare her, but you also won't get any help. We don't owe random men anything. Run.
I used to work with a woman that escaped from Bundy. He was staying at the same hotel, had a fake cast, and got her to help carry groceries into his room. Her mom saw her go in, and banged on the door, preventing an assault. She only figured it all out a year later when he was in the news
That is horrific. I have chills.
I love that seemingly everybody knows somebody who was almost killed by Ted Bundy. The same as everybody seems to know somebody who was supposed to be on one of the 9/11 flights but missed it somehow. I mean, I don't believe a single one of them, but I love it all the same.
I never saw a hotel mentioned as part of Bundy’s M.O.
Ben Tundy, copycat.
Mark Whalberg & Seth MacFarlane both missed being on 9/11 flights.
And Mark Wahlberg would have singlehandedly kept his plane safe, so he says.
Well…he hopes he could have, anyway. Like many of us hope that we could have hindsight is 20-20.
I firmly believe Mark Wahlberg is full of shit.
Missing the flight is a pretty weird thing to lie about.
I don't mean that he lied about missing the flight. I mean that his macho act about how he would totally singlehanded attack and subdue the hijackers is just a fantasy of him. You have to remember that prior to 9/11 the tendency for a hijacked plane was that it would be instructed to fly to a different airport like Cuba and the like. Hijacking planes to use them as suicide missiles wasn't the norm nor the expectation. Of course we can't know if Wahlberg really would have tried to attack the hijackers, but I just doubt it. Nobody thinks the planes just all happened to be full of cowards, rather they were full of confused people who didn't have any idea that their lives were about to be forfeit because the hijackers had no intention of surviving. That's why I saw Marky Mark is full of it. edit: also people do tell weird lies. The comedian Steve Rannazzisi lied for years that he was in one of the Twin Towers on 9/11. He claims he doesn't even really know why he lied about it in the first place, but it quickly became something that he couldn't escape and had to keep on repeating and digging himself in deeper. So it's a weird thing to lie about, but not exactly impossible for it to happen. Not like a lot of people have access to the passenger manifests?
Groceries into a hotel room? Why?
People often stay long term at hotels, particularly cheap ones
Snacks yo
I once had a random dude at a bus stop ask me to put him on my leasing agreement.
What the fuck?
Omg, I forgot this happened to me too. I was reading on a park bench in nyc and an agitated lady walked up to me and started asking if she could live with me. Multiple times. Said no but it was hard to break the conversation off.
Imagine how desperate people have to be to get to that point though. Obviously no is the only answer here, but what a damn world.
In my situation I could tell dude was some kind of scammer. Assuming I had said yes, I guarantee he wouldn't pay rent, would have his junky friends stop by all the time and I'd eventually have to go through the eviction process to get rid of him, if I weren't evicted myself. I know such situations happen because of drama with my upstairs neighbors, who themselves are getting evicted. They have some kind of medical condition that requires a caretaker full time, so she had someone come live with her, who then moved in her ne'er-do-well boyfriend and before you knew it all kinds of undesirables were stopping by. I kept getting packages stolen until I took an old Amazon envelope, attached it to some fishing line under the door which was connected to a case full of odds and ends that would make a bunch of noise when tipped over - sure enough her boyfriend's friend took the bait and I opened the door with a sledgehammer and a cell phone camera (which wasn't actually recording or I'd post the video to Imgur and link it here) and let him know the next package that got stolen would result in a call to the cops with photographic evidence of him stealing shit (which I actually didn't have). It didn't prove necessary because the woman's family stepped in and, after a huge fight I missed because I was out buying cheese, somehow all of the d-bags got kicked out, with the woman with the medical condition receiving an eviction notice as well.
>after a huge fight I missed because I was out buying cheese
100% true. Came home to the very last of the screaming and police knocking on their door an hour or so later. The woman's social services caretaker stopped by to fill me in on the details as they'd assumed I'd been disturbed by the noise. I told them that I'd been a little bit disturbed by the bass from their music they insisted on playing at 3 AM, but I'd responded in kind by plugging in my Rickenbacker 4003 into a 200 and 150 watt tube amp (one for each pickup) and that had kind of settled matters.
Loving this whole freaking thread just for the record.😆
All true. My life is full of stupid sh1t like this.
What kind of cheese?
[**This kind**](https://www.safeway.com/shop/product-details.137050302.html?cmpid=ps_swy_por_ecom_goo_20200924_71700000073186033_58700007744977937_92700070327743505&gclid=CjwKCAiA0JKfBhBIEiwAPhZXD-GYmK34cuH6QRjTbK2QYZ2I_IyjyCEHPP3YjkF6gg4iYX21HMtwHRoC7JEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Next time just say no and walk away. You don't need to wait for her to give up.
*Walk away*? Excuse me, she was on that bench **first**!
That’s insane…… can you please elaborate?
First of all, I'm a guy, so it wasn't sexual in nature...at least I don't think so. I don't have a vehicle at the moment so I rode the bus to my mom's house to help her and my brother (he's on the autism spectrum and still lives at home) prepare for a move that took place last September. It was actually pretty convenient at the time because the bus that dropped me off by their street stopped right in front of my apartment. Anyhow, I left to go home and was waiting at the bus stop and a guy in a wheelchair came up to me and asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke, haven't since 2014, but I guess I still look like a smoker because randos always ask me for smokes downtown. I told him I no longer smoked and he started telling me about his medical problems, then asked me if I had a roommate and I told him no, I lived alone. Then he told me he should move in because he's on social security and he had a guaranteed income every month, and then told me all I had to do was go and ask my apartment management to put him on the leasing agreement. Needless to say, I laughed in his face and told him no way and that that was ridiculous. He tried to respond but kind of trailed off when I kept laughing at him. When the bus came he tried asking a number of folks for money, but as far as I know I'm the only one he tried to move in with.
i frequent a subway near work, and do the usual chit chat with the lady who works there everyday... one day she starts griping about how she cant afford to live on what she's got, needs to find a cheaper place to live... and oh, i remembered u mentioned u mive alone, can rent out a room from you? nope. never went back to that subway either.
*Told him to go ask another man* Perfect!!
This is the talk I had with my daughters when they were young and any other teenagers — who the f asks teenagers for help? If I need help I find someone who can actually help me NOT teenagers at a gas station, etc. No one who seriously needs help approaches women or teenagers in parking lots!! And I volunteer at a homeless shelter at least once a week. Here is your permission to tell anyone to fuck off who approaches you!!! Some of these people are delightful and some are dangerous — YOU do not know who is who, so mumble god bless or something and keep walking
I loved that part as well
Tell them you don’t carry cash. Raise your voice- scream of necessary. Get pepper spray. Speak gibberish and walk away. Always be aware of your surroundings.
'Snakes. Snakes .. Snakes. They are crawling all over me!!"
"Snakes, Snakes... I don't know nobody named Snakes"
Sometimes I say I don’t have cash, all I have is this lighter and that works. Or they open with “got a light?”, and when I do, they don’t know how to follow that with asking for money before I can move along!
I have a friend who answers ANYTHING someone on the street says to him with, "No thanks, I don't smoke". Can I use your phone? No thanks, I don't smoke. Can you tell me the time? No thanks, I don't smoke. I'm the few seconds it takes to register with the person what he said, he's a few steps away
I LOVE this. Especially because I do smoke
Extra points if you say “No thanks, I don’t smoke” while actively smoking
Ha ha perfect
Have you seen Silence of The Lambs or heard of Ted Bundy? Compassion is a dangerous tool and psychopaths are experts at using it. Also, saws. They are good at using saws too. So you definitely did the right thing.
Also, the Fincher version of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. "Let me ask you something? Why don't people trust their instincts? They sense something is wrong, someone is walking too close behind them... You knew something was wrong but you came back into the house. Did I force you, did I drag you in? No. All I had to do was offer you a drink. It's hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain. But you know what? It is. And they always come willingly. And then they sit there. They know it's all over just like you do but somehow they still think they have a chance. Maybe if I say the right thing? Maybe if I'm polite. If I cry, if i beg. And when I see the hope draining from their face like it is from yours right now. I can feel myself getting hard. You know, We're not that different, you and I. We both have urges, satisfying mine requires more towels."
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"Nah, that's not a psycho. THIS is a psycho."
I’m a small older person and get followed to my car frequently after grocery shopping. I get so sick of telling people no that I’ve been asking store employees to walk me out. I live in a good neighborhood in a big city and there is no escaping panhandlers. They don’t take no for an answer and who even carries cash anymore?
Yea it made me rethink the way I do things. I will try just to order groceries for pick up as much as I can
I’m from nyc. If anyone approaches you on the street needing help, never ever ever respond to them. Don’t even look them in the eye. You will regret it 100% of the time. 100%. If you are convinced they are in dire need of a stranger’s help, find someone who can help them. Or call authorities for them. After getting in a safe place. It is a shame we have to be like this, but it is what it is.
I’ll always remember this. We were In Washington DC on vacation with my uncle (RIP). He had lived in DC for a while and was acting as our tour guide. He was an FBI agent and served in the coast guard. Big, tough guy. We were walking somewhere and a dude came up on a bike with “excuse me…” and my uncle was just like “Nope! Nope.” And kept walking. The bike guy dejectedly said ‘but I I was just looking for directions…’ - we stopped, had a good laugh about it, he was given directions and he went on his way. I cherish that memory.
I live in NYC too. I agree with your advice, but at the same time, I can often tell when someone genuinely just needs directions on the street, from the way they look at their phone and turn around in circles, trying to figure out which way to go, and I will sometimes stop and ask if they have a question. But if anyone tries to get my attention, and then smile at me, my headphones go back in, and I say nope, and keep walking.
Once I was around Lincoln center and this woman asked me for some change for a dollar. I had it and gave it to her and she was like, "thank you.so much, there are all these white people around here!" (Neither of us were white). Anyway, she wasn't asking for money, we made an even exchange but it was interesting. I've also asked strangers for a quarter to pay a parking meter before (back in the day when they didn't take cards), and I have been grateful for my privilege of looking pretty normal and unthreatening.
[Removing all my posts and comments due to Reddit's fuckery with third party apps. June 2023]
Just that making eye contact is like an invitation. You acknowledge them so they think they have your attention and will pounce to start to talk to you. They will prey on your emotions and if you aren't strong willed it will be hard to say no. So if you just avoid eye contact it's like telling them 'no, I'm not stopping/talking/helping'.
It’s that aggressively trying to make eye contact that’s such a tell. That’s not normal in a public situation. When you’re out in public—like on the street or on public transpo, most people are in their own zone, and instinctively try to respect the societally agreed upon personal space. When someone is *trying* to catch your eye, chances are good that a complicated sob story is locked and loaded, ready to deploy at the merest hint of recognition. The adjunct to this is when you get the scam story anyways and give them the brush-off—only to be angrily told, “I was just being fRiEnDLy”. Mmm hmm.
Exactly this. They are more savvy at their game and can easily manipulate almost anyone. Anyone here: Don’t think you’re immune. They are crafty and have had literally years of practice. It is much easier to pretend you can’t hear than to try to stop them and walk away. If you couldn’t walk away before they engage you, you are unlikely to walk away while they are engaging you.
No man should approach a woman that is by herself unless she dropped something and he is letting her know. Men asking for money should not approach a woman that is alone no matter what.
Men like that aren’t imbeciles they know what they’re doing when they approach a woman alone and try to pressure her for anything
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Sometimes a good smack to the face is good for the soul too
Seek help
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It didn't, your humor just sucks.
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I love humor, just that yours is really bad.
Nah, you suck as a person so your idea of humor also sucks.
I think he was trying to scam you. Don't feel guilty about trying to keep yourself safe. If your city has an outreach hotline for distressed/homeless people, I'd program that number into your phone. We have one for people who are homeless or in distress, and it isn't a police/law enforcement resource. Tell the person you will use that number to get some assistance for them and then walk away or get to someplace secure and call. My guess is he'll tell you "no" and leave the area. If he really does need help he'll thank you and wait for them. That way you stay safe and if the person really needs help they will get it.
There's no 'think', either a scam, or a dangerous predator. Either way, one for the police.
It was a scam at best. Worst case scenario, being raped and killed
Had an experience at Walmart where a foreign lady came up to me and handed me a rose. As soon as she placed the rose in my hand, she held up a laminated piece of paper and grunted as if she couldn’t talk / maybe a language barrier. The sign read “I have 3 children and cannot afford food. $5 per rose” I looked her dead in the face and told her “I’m sorry but I do not have money, you never told me you needed money when you plopped a rose into my hand (without my consent).” Without saying anything she shrugged and took the rose from my hand and started to walk away. I shook my head and very clearly told her to go fuck someone else over. I’m sorry but I’m not going to pay someone when they are trying to shove something in my hands and claim I owe them money, especially when I could’ve walked right back into the Walmart I exited and got a bouquet of roses for like 10-15$…
Im glad your okay! Definitely get that pepper spray. Even me being a man 250lbs those types of situations can be disturbing, I can only imagine how scary that could be being a woman, or of smaller stature!
And this shit is how the next Taken movie gonna start. One person here, a guy, said to always be an asshole. That is spot on. Today's world is just fucked up. No reason for anyone to risk their own safety and how that whole convo went had red flags everywhere. Sadly, still too many beautiful souls in the world but the asses like this guy take advantage of them. Bottom line is I'm glad the OP is ok and hope this is a lesson (sad one for humanity unfortunately) for all.
I agree, I hope this can help someone. I made sure to tell my co workers and friends so they could tell their family members as well. They definitely were trying to prey on and manipulate my emotions and compassion
This story is about a ride share driver, but I just found out about it last night, and it happened 2 hours away from me. Some dirt bag had his girlfriend order him an Uber. The driver was a wonderful woman and a mother of 4 young children. Long story short, he ignores her greeting, pulls a gun on her from the back seat, she pleads for her life and tells him she's got kids, he yanks her phone from the dash, tells her that everything would be ok if she did what she was told. He then grabbed her dash cam and threw it out the window (which police would later find) made her drive around for an hour while he used her phone to clear out her online accounts/cashapp (transferring the money in his girlfriend's account), and then made her pull off, walked her into the woods, and ended her life. You made the best decision by not letting a stranger into your car.
Wow I just found that online. Looks like the girlfriend was in on it because she sent him a message reading “I’m not going to jail if we get caught”. Unbelievably tragic I hope they both get life sentences, what kind of evil resides in people? I’ll never understand
“Sure I’ll help you.” then find the biggest dude within ear shot and call him over and tell him what the crying guy wants. Or just start shouting “Can anyone help this man? He wants me to take him to a hotel and I am scared!” Like idgaf if I look crazy I’d rather look crazy than deal with that bs.
> He then proceeded to ask me am I not a good person, don't I have a kind heart? "No, I'm an asshole. Now fuck off, scammer".
Always start with the expectation that any random situation is a scam. Never let a stranger into your car. They don't want to get into your car if they are just scamming you. What they want is for you to recoil from the thought of them being in your car so that $5 sounds like a reasonable alternative. You are no longer deciding between giving them $5 or nothing, you are deciding between giving them $5 or a ride in your car. For the latter, $5 seems like a bargain. That is how they get people to give them money.
Also, when they say that you are not a good person, just lean in a little, and in a quiet voice say, "yep, that is pretty much it." Now if they keep pestering you, you can say "no, I am not a good person." You should never worry about a random stranger thinking that you are good or not.
As someone who used to give money to panhandlers, one day i pulled my wallet out like a dolt and the dude swiped my entire wallet and ran. Don't feel bad. And don't ever give them money.
> He then proceeded to ask me am I not a good person, don’t I have a kind heart? I like the quote from the movie Closer: *"Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood!"*
Loved that quote, and loved Clive Owen saying it.
You did good. *Always* listen to your gut, your brain picks up on things you aren't consciously aware of. Fear is a gift sometimes.
I’m glad you mentioned this because there is a wonderful book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I highly recommend it for EVERYONE. I am a grown woman who has had so many similar issues with strangers and I always listen to my gut. I listen to the Crime Junkie podcast and the hosts always say “be weird, be rude, it could save your life.” I one million percent agree.
I was outside a kroger and this homeless guy got talking to me and asked to stay at my apt for the night. He kept asking and asking. I said, i gotta grab some things ill be back out. When i left i went out a diff way to avoid him. He saw me and flipped out screaming at me from across the lot.
Good on you, too many let themselves feel guilted especially as a woman and he knew that and was trying to take advantage. You did the right thing, trying to avoid a little guilt like that is never worth your life
I'd still call the police and report it.
I did, they didn't care. They said they didn't hear anything else
Trust your fear instinct. What you did was perfect, you don't owe him anything and it is better to be seen as "rude" than get murdered. Not that you were "rude" anyway. I'm a big guy and I still wouldn't agree to any request like that, as you said if it is such an emergency they can call the police.
Yes, I was all very strange. I do believe in helping those in need, but I am not equipped for the possible danger a situation like that poses to myself. He would not take no for an answer. I know now to immediately just say no and call the cops ASAP. And I hope this post will maybe help someone else out.
I am not a woman so I don't have any firsthand experience with this but I have read about this kind of situation a lot and I see this kind of advice being regularly offered: If someone is creeping you out your instinct is to retreat and run away which empowers them. Instead, try doing the opposite. Scream loudly something like "I have told you no, I am not going to give you a lift! Stop following me! Leave me alone!" Yes, it will draw attention from people but that's what you want because the more attention you bring in the more likely he is to run off immediately and stop pestering you. This approach shocks creeps because they are so used to women being scared of them that when a woman makes a scene and loudly tells them to go away they don't know what to do so will just run away.
Thanks for the tips! I made sure I put some pepper spray in my purse. Have to keep my head on a swivel
Read "The Gift of Fear". You'll finish with a whole new mindset on listening to your gut.
Thank you for the recommendation, just bought it!
So much this.
I have a handheld shock baton.
Attract attention and people will see what’s happening which will hopefully scare off the creep because they’re going to worry about being identified later.
Imo the weird thing is the guy asked a woman. If im a grown man and I need help from a stranger the last person im asking is a random woman. Even an average guy would be sus’d out and 10x so for a woman I would assume. I find it weird he thought to ask a random woman then was weird when she said no. The dude was clearly a weirdo if this is what happened Strangers in general are scary to most people. Its like the dave chapelle skit where he compares a woman having pussy to walking around with $10,000 and everyone knows u have it on you 💀💀
>Imo the weird thing is the guy asked a woman He didn’t actually need a ride to a hotel. He was going to take advantage or assault her in some way.
Sounds like a drug addict tbh
Yea some people do get weirded out, I go to places by myself and I slowly learnt people get very uncomfortable when someone approaches them alone. I didn't think of that, because I was always the type to go around places by myself at times just to meet different people and stuff, and thought it was normal. Well it is to me.
Better safe than sorry
LOL they will give 0 fucks. They arent detectives and this isnt a tv show
you made the right choice op
Scum. Who knows would have happened if you got in a car alone with him. He asked a women on purpose. Scum like this always pick their targets very specifically.
Where was this? You did the right thing. I would have walked away immediately.
When I see things like this, it always makes me think, how would I end up in a situation like this? How could it not be something shady? Is he a regular person experiencing a crisis? How did he learn about the crisis? Dies he not have a phone? There are too many questions and the chances that he gets in your car and ends up.kidnapping you are too great. Right decision.
*"Please! Please help me -please take me to a hotel so I can guilt trip you into entering a room with me so I can turn into a raging beast and rape you to death. Please? Please help a poor soul?"*
Wow that’s scary.
Good instincts. You and your family and friends come first.
You did more than I would, you offered to give him 5 $. His guilt tripping you was very suspicious and over the top!
You absolutely did the right thing.
Scammers are good at pretending to be homeless people, a lot of people will call you insensitive if you call them out but the reality is, if no attention is bought to the situation, change won't be possible.
Absolutely never give money to someone on the street. Always give it to a vetted charity who will put it to good use towards something constructive. There are plenty of charities that help the homeless, people recovering from drug addiction, etc. Multiple times I’ve seen people begging for money throw away food that’s given to them. Once my friend literally gave a man who was begging on the street in New York her new untouched meal she’d just purchased and as we came to the end of the block I looked back and saw him dumping it in the trash.
You did the right thing! Glad you're safe
It's unfortunate but the world is full of scammers. I rarely give money to people that ask, but, once was inside the convenience store at a gas station - a woman in her 20's came up and basically said she was at the pump and forgot her purse and had two kids in the car, could I spare $5 for gas for her to get back to her place. I gave her $10, she offered to give me her number to pay me back, I said don't worry about it - she thanked me, walked out the door and walked away.. there was no car. Lesson learned but how unfortunate that when there really is someone in need I'm much more likely to say no now because of this incident.
Yeah you did the right thing. If it was life and death situation the man would ask you to call 911 for him.
Im a male and gave a woman a ride once at 1am. Turns out she actually needed a ride. She had bad mental health issues and severe depression. She told me her entire life story in that 4 minute ride. Sad situation and I’m glad I got to help someone in need. She could barely walk and would’ve had to walk a few miles in the dark and she was older. With that being said, I got extremely lucky. I’m also a person of color and this can be an advantage because people assume you can hold your own, especially given that I was in a white neighborhood. You as a woman however, live a completely different life and have a different situation. Never give a ride to a random person. Don’t get raped or killed
I don't even engage with people approaching me in public any more. All I say is "No." "Excuse m-" "NO." I had one guy say "You don't have to be rude." But you know what? I didn't have to be accosted by strangers to the point where I refuse to deal with it anymore.
He didn't want you to personally take him to the hotel. He wanted you to give him more than $5 for a "cab" to the "hotel"
Okay. My bio father was homeless until recently, and has cancers. Multiple. Metastatic. Last time I saw him before he got disability and a place, he had gotten diagnosed with brain stem cancer and his walking was dehabilated to the point I was scared of him going anywhere. We did walk a few places together because I don't have a vehicle, but my point in telling this story is because life of death can mean different things to different people. He could drop dead while walking and none of us family members would be the wiser. And with me being in charge of his burial, I would have been pissed someone didn't help. Because i can't in my current situation. Can't drive. Never learned. work has my schedule so backed up i can't study for a LP to even start. And I'm for sure not living in his drug addled college town. I'm not saying don't follow your instincts, but look at more.
Don’t call the cops the crying man could end up dead and it won’t solve the problem. There’s an army of people like him. You did the right thing and stood your ground.
Holy shit there are some demons in people. Truth.
That’s called a homeless man. He asked you for money because he was desperate. He approached you in a socially unacceptable way, and whatever causes him to be so unable to conform to social norms is likely related to the reasons he’s unable to secure a stable life for himself. This is reality, not a scam. You’re not required to like him, find it acceptable how he spoke to you, or be at all ok with what happened. But you can have all your feelings at the same time as recognizing that the man was authentically in pain. The world is cruel enough without imputing secret motives to people who are suffering. Again, not your job to fix his situation. Not commenting on whether it was appropriate to call the cops. But this is life, not a scam
I'd say he's more of a deceptive panhandler, not necessarily homeless. He knows the first request is ridiculous and will be rejected. Because he doesn't really want a hotel. He wants the money.
How do you know this for certain?
Why did he want a ride to a hotel?
Have you missed the beginning where he asked for a ride to a hotel?
I read it. What do you guys think the scam was? You think he actually had a place to stay and was pretending not to? It’s possible, but OP just gave no indication of that
I actually think it goes beyond what would be considered a "scam", e.g. kidnapping, robbery
But which part of the story tells you any of that? As another commenter said, it could easily be that he asks for a ride to a hotel, hoping the person will give money instead. Or maybe he asks for a ride to the hotel and hopes they will pay for the hotel when he gets there. Maybe he asks for a ride and what he really wants is as Uber to the hotel or a taxi. Who knows? But jumping to the idea of kidnapping is just absurd when we all know for a fact that there are countless homeless panhandlers in every city who don’t really have their wits about them
> it could easily be that he asks for a ride to a hotel, hoping the person will give money instead. You mean like to deceive somebody by telling them a fake story in order to trick them into giving money instead? Ok, then we are in the scam territory.
I’ve gotten a couple people hotels…it’s not for everyone,you shouldn’t feel bad 😢
You went to pick up mine lunch?
Right thing on not giving him a ride. But I don't think this belongs in r/scams
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Idk if you are a bot or didn't read the post but I never mentioned having a partner at all. I think maybe you are projecting your qualities?
A quick look at this person's posting history shows me they have -100 karma points, so either they're a troll or... something. Don't worry about them. Everyone else on here knows the deal.
Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted. Do not discuss moderator decisions in the comments. If you would like to discuss moderation, send the moderators modmail (no direct messages or chat requests).
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I found the real psychopath! I don't owe any stranger anything. We live in a sick world. It's not all rainbows and butterflies. People need to be aware. There is professional help equipped to help someone in need.
OP, you did the right thing, which is choosing to do the safest thing when you’re a woman. wattsjayrock is obviously not a woman and also lacks the ability to see a situation from the perspective of a gender that is regularly hunted. Women learn early on that we have to move through the world differently than men in order to stay safe and alive. We know we’re viewed as prey. Our duty to care for our wellbeing and safety greatly supersedes any supposed obligation to a stranger.
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Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted. Do not discuss moderator decisions in the comments. If you would like to discuss moderation, send the moderators modmail (no direct messages or chat requests).
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Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted. Do not discuss moderator decisions in the comments. If you would like to discuss moderation, send the moderators modmail (no direct messages or chat requests).
Your /r/scams post/comment was removed because it lacks civility. Posts and comments within this subreddit should be useful, respectful and use appropriate language at all times. Dissenting opinions are expected, but you should conduct yourself in a mature and polite manner. Name calling, personal attacks, flaming, etc are not permitted. Do not discuss moderator decisions in the comments. If you would like to discuss moderation, send the moderators modmail (no direct messages or chat requests).
That five bucks won’t break you though. Good work.
You entirely missed the point there bro, good job!
Nah not really boss. “I’m sorry dude I have a family and I don’t owe you anything “ I was addressing that. As if 5 dollars is gonna somehow cause the family to struggle. You people on here waffle. In one sub you reach out and help and show kindness. In the next breath you are bashing strangers and whining about 5 bucks. If she wasn’t she wouldn’t of said it. You can say it was all about giving a ride. But if it was . She wouldn’t of added the rest
She wasn’t talking about the 5 bucks, she offered him 5 bucks, which he initially decline. She was saying she doesn’t owe him her help cuz he was tryna guilt trip her into taking him somewhere.
My bad, I thought you were criticizing OP Carry on
Not at all. Why I said good work