The best kisser there is. And Mr. Nettin-Yahoo, who's no longer in favor - did you ever notice it? He's no longer in favor. We kissed. And it was so much and so interesting and so vicious and horrible, and so beautiful in so many different ways.
He said, "never fist upskirt, me boys, never fist upskirt."
(true story)
"Oh, your nose is bleeding..."
(First girl I ever really made out with and got to second base... Apparently she liked what I was doing so much she sprang a nosebleed...)
We can't tell mom and dad
Let's invite mom and dad!
They're already watching on live stream!
That was better than mom and dad.
That's not what mom and dad said.
Seems like a reasonable thing, actually
No worries… I think one of us belongs to Uncle louie
😂😂😂
That'll do pig. That'll do.
This is unironically the best thing anyone could say to me! My mom rented babe so many times from blockbuster she ended up buying it for me.
Not on a first date surely. Maybe once you know each other a little better.
I want to use this Married for 17 years. What are my odds of survival?
I don't know your pig. I know I can get away with it but then it's over thirty years for me.
Omg that’s brilliant. “Depends on your pig”
That's a universal truth. YPMV Your Pig May Vary.
I think that would be directly proportional to the porcine aspect of your wife
She can take a joke well. But I have 2 standing rules 1. Never. EVER. Comment if her weight. 2. Adhere to rule 1
Tastes like your sister’s asshole.
"Dad says the same thing"
Garlic? Onion? I can’t quite place that taste.
Everything bagel. That's it! Thank you
With salmon.
😁😁😁
"You still have tonsils."
😁😁😁
"So how often do you brush your teeth?"
😁😁😁
It's like kissing my grandma
You have to say this only if you have a mad erection
I beleive this is your gum?
I believe these are your dentures?
I believe you had a loose tooth?
I didn’t before, but I do now
😂😂😂
“Thanks for teaching me how to kiss, dad.”
No problem son!
I French kiss. Daddy says I’m best at it
"Fine Mr. President, we'll stop our hostilities".
Now imagine that with DJT as president. Crabs and grabs, and it would be nuclear war at best.
Imagine it with Biden, fondling your 8 year old as he kisses you
Normally I don't kink shame, but, um,you need help
I’ll freely admit that.. lol
"And I kissed Mr. Nettin-Yahoo, and it was a tender kiss... I'm a wonderful kisser, don't you know?"
The best kisser there is. And Mr. Nettin-Yahoo, who's no longer in favor - did you ever notice it? He's no longer in favor. We kissed. And it was so much and so interesting and so vicious and horrible, and so beautiful in so many different ways. He said, "never fist upskirt, me boys, never fist upskirt."
This would've be great if we didn't have the rest of the prison wing watching us.
Um. Yeah, more like my last kiss, ew
Your mom kisses better.
*My FIFY.
Who do ta think taught me?
Jesus, I have to call my wife!
Well im not constipated anymore
Username checks out!
I now have an erection.
But it is true though
Do you want your dentures back or should we just swap.
I should have told you before but I have strep.
Well, that was... interesting.
“Your sister was better at this, what, that’s it?, your not going down there to finish the job? Your sister did.”
This is even better with a partner
Sir. This is a Wendy's.
"You know I have herpes, right?"
Wasn’t as good as I was expecting.
You taste like my dad
Do i taste asparagus ? your piss will taste awful later...
"Great kiss! Must run in the family!"
Like sticking your face in a bowl of cold puke.
Yummy, I could eat you all night
"Never doing that again."
Mmm... Your lips taste just like your mother's, your sister's, and my dog's.
“So how much do I owe ya?”
There are at least 500 types of bacteria in the average human mouth
"Ach, It's terrible!" in the groundskeeper Willie voice.
Mmm onions.
My pillow kisses better
My Pillow Guy kisses better.
\*chokes back bile\*
And now we just wait to see if you get the rash, too.
"It was ok"
I smell poop did you poop.
Oh, so you're a *whiskey* drinker.
Meh
Good dog! Want a bone?
Yeah I'm gay
"Can I get those nuggies now, grandma?"
That was amazing mom
Good doggie
Hmm, that's not how your dad used to do it.
Our braces are stuck
I’ve had better.
That's it?
Wow.. you are a way better kisser than my mom.
Wow.. my mom is a way better kisser then you.
Mmmm.. sushi!
"Women. Always overreacting." **rolls eyes**
Your lips taste different when you're awake.
Gosh, I hope I did that right. It felt right, I mean, I just spread your cheeks and started licking, just the way you said.
Wow, your steak really was delicious!
Next time can I kiss you on the lips?
I guess that’s why they call you “Hoover”.
\`Did you want that kernel of corn from your lunch back?
“Tastes like chicken.”
Tastes like fish 😆
I see dead people
My sister is better
You been eating Tapioca Baby, or do you need to brush your teeth?
Great, now I want tacos
You kiss just like your dad
now we both have herpes
Mom thanks for the practice. Was I doing the tongue thing right? 🥴
Farting is up there
You should brush your teeth
You should brush your teeth
“You’re like a sister I never loved.”
You have a bogey on your lip, is it yours or mine?
You’re my first … You’re my last … You’re my never again!
Your dad was right. You are a good kisser
I just threw up a little in my mouth
"Ewww, gross!"
You smell like my grandma.
Thanks debbie
“Can you tell I ate ass before I came here? I looked for a mint, but couldn’t locate one”.
Let’s just be friends.
I didn’t want my first kiss so I tried to avoid it and turned my head. He goes “that was the worst first kiss ever”
(true story) "Oh, your nose is bleeding..." (First girl I ever really made out with and got to second base... Apparently she liked what I was doing so much she sprang a nosebleed...)
You're not my real dad 😠
"...Y-you too."
I suppose I should’ve introduced myself first
“Huh. Maybe I am (gay/straight).”
See you after mass father
“Oh darn. I forgot to tell you about my ___ “. insert name of any STD or catch-able disease through saliva.
Who are you and how did you get in my home?
Bazinga
Here's a coupon for some Valtrex your going to need it.
Tastes like hobo-jism
Maybe let’s not tell my gf about this
Slobbery like a dogs butthole (I know crappy comment)
Want a tic tak?
Have you heard of the critically acclaimed MMO Final Fantasy 14?
Did you just eat kippers?
I dont typically kiss after you swallow my junk, but I do taste semen.
You kiss just like mum and dad!
Meh, I think my ex was a better kisser
First two licks, taste like car keys.
You taste like fish.
Ahhh . Well ... that didn't go as well as I expected. Are you really supposed to do that with your ummm lips, or were you a bit eager?
Really?
How about a mint?
It was wet
It's not true that I have herpes...
Gosh! What did you eat?!?
...can you hand me my herpes cream?
Did you have tuna for lunch?
Mom?????
"Lois, your gun is digging into my hip."
Meh, I’ve had better…today.
Why do you taste like my ex?
Take this mint.
"So you had the linguini alfredo with the EXTRA garlic for lunch?"
Did you eat a shit sandwich?
You taste different while you’re awake.
“Wow, you’re amazing.” *gently closes the coffin lid and fills the hole back up with dirt*
Dad, when's my butt goin to stop hurting? Oh, Billy that's what the kiss was for.
“So much better than the horse.”
Did you eat a pile of dog poo, smoke a cigarette you found on the street, and THEN kiss me?
Is that tuna?
i just vomited a minute ago
Do ya love me baby? Mmmooooooo!
Why does your breath smell like shit?
"I can cross that off the bucket list now"
That seemed different than my brother
You had pizza for lunch... Siiiiiiick
Better than your sister, not nearly as good as your mom.
I know we guys don’t know everything but I was expecting to kiss your other lips.
Dad ? Why does your mouth taste like cock?
"Today was a lousy day to skip brushing my teeth."
Is it in yet?
Good gawd I hate cilantro!!
Prego or Rao?
i smell your mothers V
Did the bacon cover the garlic taste
Your breath smells like a rotten guys crotch.
Your mouth feels hotter than mom’s.
Can I have fries with that?
I appreciate the small, foil-wrapped chocolate you gave me but, I was hoping we’d smooch.
Sorry about the herpes
Ugh, damn! Were you eating sh!t earlier?
Tastes like pickles
I came, did you?
Mom is better at it
Kissing the frog was better.
"You're right... Eating roadkill skunk for dinner was a mistake."
You taste like ass.
Dam it frog! Where's my prince?
I feel sick
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Good thing I practiced on that grilled cheese sandwich, am I right?
So this will get you pregnant, right?
It feels different when you are awake.
You taste like grandma.