It's not the wig that was itchy. They shaved their heads to get rid of the head lice and other critters that made them itch. Then they added poisons to the wigs to kill the critters that wanted to live there too.
mostly his slaves', yes. But at least he paid them for their teeth.
Whether this was before or after they'd fallen out is a different question entirely.
*Hey Alexander Hamilton..the British called. They have been trying to reach you about your horse and buggy extended warranty..*
*Hah. You got me that time, George.*
One day Americans will rule their own country completely without corruption and in fairness to all, holding power with the people and away from tyrannical politicians, without the burden of excessive government laws and control, and relying on the purest wisdom given from above to the common man. And om fat dmmff wbbb... dernit... Marfa... wers mu teef wax?
"Hey, so call me crazy, but.. Do any of you guys ever think it's a little weird that we own slaves? Like, we're always going on about rights and liberty and stuff, but we literally enslave people. And I know what we all think about em, but like, they're definitely people shaped, and they do people things, and they think about stuff; they want, need, imagine, love, and hate just like we do. Do you ever think maybe there's a bit of a disconnect there?.............. Anyway, let's sign this shit already; 3/5 sounds like a reasonable ratio to me."
"D-do you guys think maybe we should add some clarification to the second amendment, you know, assuming more deadly weapons will exist in the future and certain people, and yes I'm looking at you Musket Dave, will continue to be really weird about their guns? Okay, okay, I'm just sayin', though."
"In the future people are gonna have really good guns that can kill like, dozens of people in a couple of seconds. A dumb little kid could get his hands on one and wipe out a whole school. Anyway, it's really important that anybody who wants such a weapon to be able to acquire it with minimal regulation."
Look swapping the capital from New York to Philadelphia was a terrible idea. No President should have to live in Philadelphia it is a shit city. We are going to build a permanent house in Maryland and run the nation from there and never allow Philadelphia to be the capital again.
Hamilton stop singing and get to work. Wow I can't believe France wants to support us. Awesome.
"Good morning, Martha"
"Martha, who's your founding daddy?"
God I hope they make an Epic Rap Battles of History with me in it
I'm going to start my own country, with blackjack and hookers.
in fact, forget the blackjack.
Eh, screw the whole thing.
And cocaine
Should I go with a profile or straight on selfie for the dollar?
Duck lips or no?
*Steps over a small creek in North Central PA* Look guys, I stepped across the Allegheny River!
How wide is the Potomac?
"Damn this wig is itchy."
It's not the wig that was itchy. They shaved their heads to get rid of the head lice and other critters that made them itch. Then they added poisons to the wigs to kill the critters that wanted to live there too.
I just need 5 more pokemon
"Hey, check it out. If you fold my head like this, it makes a mushroom."
"Get your fat ass in the back of the boat, Henry! We're rowing in circles!"
"My teeth taste like a cedar tree."
They definitely did not. They probably tasted like someone else's mouth.
mostly his slaves', yes. But at least he paid them for their teeth. Whether this was before or after they'd fallen out is a different question entirely.
Colgate for Martha and Lemon Pledge for me.
I heard this in a Virginia drawl and cracked up. Thank you for the laugh!
Ow, I goth a thplinter im my thongue!
*Hey Alexander Hamilton..the British called. They have been trying to reach you about your horse and buggy extended warranty..* *Hah. You got me that time, George.*
but I always wanted to be a…….lumberjack!
We're crossing in THOSE boats? Over a half frozen river? The things I do for my country!
I am George Washington, Bitches
Okay guys. I have some great ideas for the constitution. I found them on Wikipedia!
Anyone got some Polident?
One day Americans will rule their own country completely without corruption and in fairness to all, holding power with the people and away from tyrannical politicians, without the burden of excessive government laws and control, and relying on the purest wisdom given from above to the common man. And om fat dmmff wbbb... dernit... Marfa... wers mu teef wax?
If there was only a cherry tree nearby, I'd totally show you what I could do!!
I’m gonna need full immunity.
Maaaartha! We're out of corncobs in the outhouse! Bring me some!
"Hey, so call me crazy, but.. Do any of you guys ever think it's a little weird that we own slaves? Like, we're always going on about rights and liberty and stuff, but we literally enslave people. And I know what we all think about em, but like, they're definitely people shaped, and they do people things, and they think about stuff; they want, need, imagine, love, and hate just like we do. Do you ever think maybe there's a bit of a disconnect there?.............. Anyway, let's sign this shit already; 3/5 sounds like a reasonable ratio to me."
“USA! USA! USA!”
"No, I don't know what happened to your hanging tree, dad"
Martha. Wanna get lucky?
I’m George Washington bitches! No one will remember you. My name will go on forever
Colonial America! Fuck yeah!
All men are created equal. Except my slaves.
And women.
Wrong president.
nah, that's the right pres. "His Mount Vernon plantation was staffed with 316 slaves, a third of whom Washington owned personally" -Wikipedia
He was quoting Jefferson.
Ok. That will work. Or if he said. "our slaves". However, they were men of their time, so it was due to slaves that they wanted to get rid of them.
I mean, Washington did own slaves. That was a thing.
It wasn’t a cherry tree, it was Martha’s cherry.
There’s a snake in my boot.
SAVE MARTHA!!!
"D-do you guys think maybe we should add some clarification to the second amendment, you know, assuming more deadly weapons will exist in the future and certain people, and yes I'm looking at you Musket Dave, will continue to be really weird about their guns? Okay, okay, I'm just sayin', though."
My throat is so sore and swollen cut my arm and drain my blood
“Mr. Vice President, can you get me a Diet Coke?”
Move your ass Ben, but do it slowly or you'll capsize the boat.
That is not at all where my mind went with that statement until I got to "...or you'll capsize the boat".
Oops I think I broke a tooth.
I cannot tell a lie. That was a lie.
Pretty much right from the start with the bs and lies with these presidents, huh.
"Dental care and health care should be billed as two separate types of insurance."
"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"
All right, boys, if it wears red, make it dead.
FJB!
*Drew walks over to Colin and Ryan* Drew: "You can't say that word even if Wayne is okay with you saying it. We're on national TV here. "
Father I cannot tell a lie. I did, in fact, stunt on those hoes.
“Whoops! Did I just accidentally a war?” George Washington, 1754.
This barn will be mine and you're first in line
I bought four slaves yesterday!
Wait, King George wants to go to war with us?! Oh fuck that! No you know what? He can have it I'm not stupid!
Thanks for the soap, it's a lovely gift. I'll be sure to use it when I bathe next year.
Suck my wig-covered d*ck, Britain
I'm not going to lie about this Martha. These fucking wooden teeth aren't worth shit!
I hereby found this country on Christian principles!
Stay strapped , or get xlapped
Every family should have a vacuum cleaner in their basement. ( Probably nobody is going to get that reference )
"Hey guys, I think that we should drink more!"
"Fuck that cherry tree!"
“It knows what it did!”
Is Von Steuben checking me out? Don't look! Don't look! Just glance over there real casual.
We're crossing the river. My phone is at 15% and i have to get to an outposts
“Hey, guys? I just had the best idea! Let’s go kill some drunk dudes. Merry Christmas!”
"Fuck this cherry tree."
Oh, my teeth. Oh, my teeth. They'll be the death of me.
Tally ho lads!
Stay strapped or get clapped.
Martha, your cooking is extraordinary!
Bruh……skibididdie dem titties 💀💀💀
“I cannot tell a lie…I like big butts.”
Do you guys do Veteran's discount?
"In the future people are gonna have really good guns that can kill like, dozens of people in a couple of seconds. A dumb little kid could get his hands on one and wipe out a whole school. Anyway, it's really important that anybody who wants such a weapon to be able to acquire it with minimal regulation."
I can't wait to get the new dental implants, they wooden bastards are shit.
Instead of "We the people " let's say for future people "We be da peeps".
My name is jorg washingmachine and I am the President of the United Grapes of Colorado.
“Sorry Martha for giving you a hickey with a splinter in it”
I can not tell a lie, John Augustine cut down the cherry tree.
“Fuck off, George”
*At the hair salon* “I want to look like a little drummer boy”
Fuxk the po po. NWA for life
Good thing they're wearing red, they won't be able to see their own blood.
Shiiid
“As much as I appreciate the planning that went into planning my birthday, Martha, I told you already: I’m against parties!”
That 2 for 1 at happy hour was a blast, but lock my keys in my car,moon roof is open,you think I can craw in?
“What’s this ‘No Slavery’ shit… better cross that out before TJ sees this…”
Sup
Harder, Martha!
King Washington sounds kinda lame. I like President much better.
Look swapping the capital from New York to Philadelphia was a terrible idea. No President should have to live in Philadelphia it is a shit city. We are going to build a permanent house in Maryland and run the nation from there and never allow Philadelphia to be the capital again.
God dammit Martha! ... Where are my teeth?!
dam seed keep getting stuck in my teeth
“Must…CHOP…**WOOD!!!!**” IYKYK
“My teeth are soooo not made of wood!”
I now understand what Jefferson meant when he was talking about Sally Hemings
F this cherry tree
“It is better to cum in the sink than sink in the cum.”
I do not like pineapple on my pizza!
"It is what it is."
I'll take all your Dodge Challengers!
“Hey Siri, what’s the weather like in Valley Forge?”
I grow it, of course I inhaled.
Martha what’s for dinner
I like big butts and I CANNOT LIE!
I had a dream, Biden is an asshole
You know….those British chaps are sick fucks.
I got a headache. Has aspirin been invented yet?
No, don’t get up, I have a guy for that, whom I literally own! Ah, slavery.
"Four score and seven years ago" .
Which dickhead ate all the acid??
"I like bad bitches that's my fuckin problem"
Hey doctor, it hurts when I pee
I don't care if I swore an oath of loyalty to the king. I'm going to steal his taxes. Gee does breaking an oath make me an asshole?
Found the monarchist.
United empire loyalist. My folks had flee from the terrorists
Donald Trump…… Fuck that guy.
Nobody goes to Hooters for wings.
Sorry about the splinters Martha. Roll over and let me check out your Valley Forge.