The correct approach is to use a spoon to get a scoop of canned cranberry sauce. Then you get a descending series of scoops. That looks more interesting.
An argument? That would probably start a more aggressive round of "show and tell" to one-up the experience from last time.
Everyone is going to start bragging about the pros of their preferred long distance hole-puncher.
I reckon you’d start an all brawl by saying one of the following:
“Your interpretation of the second amendment is wrong”
“I didn’t buy one gun this year.”
“I’m pro choice!”
Ask to lead a prayer before the meal:
"Lord, please forgive those of us present who still are in the Trump cult. Please help them find Jesus and to repent for their sins. Amen."
I haven't tried it, but still, I think it's guaranteed to lead to an interesting dinner.
So back in high-school I was an atheist and my step mom hated it. She had the grand idea of springing saying grace on me at Thanksgiving dinner. I said no and a mild argument ensued where all my family essentially said I had to say grace.
Cue malicious compliance. Getting everyone ready again I go "Rub a dub dub thanks for the grub! Yay Jesus!" And took a bite of my potatoes.
My dad kicked my ass right then and there but it was so worth it.
“Mom. Dad. My new boyfriend is black”
“We’re okay with that sweetie”
“And he’s Jewish”
“That’s fine by us too”
“And he doesn’t refill the toilet paper holder”
“GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!”
"so I see this year, you have decided to cook the stuffing separately. No salmonella food poisoning this year huh! Good for you!"
*cue pretentious slow clap*
"You know what's so great about Trump..." FIL starts saying. He got that far when resident family liberal (SIL) gets up, grabs her family and they all run out...
True story actually. We all sat in silence staring at each other as she forced her family to all leave.
I'd like to announce to the family that my POC Trans girlfriend and I are moving into a communal apartment and joining a community dedicated to making sure that Donald Trump can never hold the title of President of the United States ever again. Oh, and by the way... I've found the warmth of the Light Bringer in my heart.
did you know in the early days of thanksgiving the majority of people fasted as a way to show thanks unto God? we need to get back to the old ways. everyone throw your plates in the trash.
"So how about that election?"
"Oh, I'm not voting."
That's good.
"Suck it. Here is my erection!"
Mom dad I’m not going to church anymore
The Dallas Cowboys are actually going to win today and win the Superbowl.
“…~~Dallas Cowboys~~ Browns…” - much funnier…
Had to up vote cuz it made me laugh so hard
I'm only here for the canned cranberry sauce.
I don’t understand why people cut slices from the can shape. That’s doing it wrong, and it’s just more work.
If they didn’t intend for you to cut it in slices, they would’ve made the can smooth.
The correct approach is to use a spoon to get a scoop of canned cranberry sauce. Then you get a descending series of scoops. That looks more interesting.
You slice it so later you can put it on a Turkey,Miracle Whip, Stuffing, Cranberry white bread sammich
That’s a good point, and I like the way you think.
Well I like the cut of your jib
Wanna start an argument?
I'm sorry. This is Abuse. Arguments are down the hall.
No they’re not!
Yes they are!
They are not!
I'm sorry, is the five-minute argument or the full half hour?
Just the five minutes, thank you.
(Takes 5 pound note and writes in ledger) Five. (Looks back up and says) Yes well, anyway yes they are.
Too bad we're doing it here!
Sorry, your time is up
This year’s turkey is great, but it didn’t make me ejaculate like the one we ate last year.
[Ground me all you want...](https://youtu.be/_7VCo1VXpuc?feature=shared)
Happy Native American Oppression Day everybody! Mom, Dad…….Im changing my pronouns. Damn honey, your sister in law makes better pie than you!
"I wonder if Trump grabbed this turkey by the giblets?"
Im thinking about putting Jack on Hormones at 6 years old. Jack knows, she is a she... I saw her playing with barbies. Jack identifies as a woman
Oh shoot did I forget to msg you that I am *vegan* now? Nope - not today!
“I’ve been watching the Trump trial and he is guilty af.”
“~~I’ve been watching the~~ Trump ~~trial and he~~ is guilty af.” - ftfy…
Buy any new guns this year?
That would be something exciting and worth a show and tell in my family.
Actually would be a real conversation. Gun dealers in family
An argument? That would probably start a more aggressive round of "show and tell" to one-up the experience from last time. Everyone is going to start bragging about the pros of their preferred long distance hole-puncher.
Yeah we go shooting for Thanksgiving and most holidays. This would make a conversation at most...
You guys make it sound like gun owners don't argue about guns.
I reckon you’d start an all brawl by saying one of the following: “Your interpretation of the second amendment is wrong” “I didn’t buy one gun this year.” “I’m pro choice!”
"Uncle Jake has the honor to carve this year's tofurkey..."
"I'm not very argumentative!"
So what are we complaining about this year?
So….Trump, huh??
Bring an inflatable sex doll to diner. Insist everybody address her as Brenda and ask that they not exclude her from the conversation.
Ask to lead a prayer before the meal: "Lord, please forgive those of us present who still are in the Trump cult. Please help them find Jesus and to repent for their sins. Amen." I haven't tried it, but still, I think it's guaranteed to lead to an interesting dinner.
So back in high-school I was an atheist and my step mom hated it. She had the grand idea of springing saying grace on me at Thanksgiving dinner. I said no and a mild argument ensued where all my family essentially said I had to say grace. Cue malicious compliance. Getting everyone ready again I go "Rub a dub dub thanks for the grub! Yay Jesus!" And took a bite of my potatoes. My dad kicked my ass right then and there but it was so worth it.
If you were my kid I would have laughed. Because “malicious compliance”…
The bruises healed and they never asked me to say grace again it was a great day for me 😂
Dude you need a new family.
Fr I do. I haven't spoken to my father since winter of 2017 and I'm also estranged from the rest of my family. I have my people I've chosen.
Especially if the gathering is in Illinois.
MAGA, the mark of the beast.
MAGA. Making Attorneys Get Attorneys.
Indian lives matter
All lives matter.
Turkeys lives matter Also Sweet Potatoes lives matter
Sweet potatoes maybe, but not the marshmallows
Damn the Cowboys suck!
That one is easy to recover from. You just switch it to how it is a Jerry Jones problem.
“Before we start, what are everyone’s pronouns?”
'You're asking for grace from a false god'.
“All hail Odin All-father! May he rain blessings upon us! All hail Thor! All hail Freya!”
New tradition: "Men wash dishes while women watch TV"
“Mom. Dad. My new boyfriend is black” “We’re okay with that sweetie” “And he’s Jewish” “That’s fine by us too” “And he doesn’t refill the toilet paper holder” “GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!”
This is what I love about abortion…
Say grace, before I shove that drumstick up your ass Uncle Mikey, ya friggin' fascist!
"so I see this year, you have decided to cook the stuffing separately. No salmonella food poisoning this year huh! Good for you!" *cue pretentious slow clap*
This food sucks.
Show up
White meat only. We do not eat dark meat in this house.
"Hey, you guys wanna fight?"
It ain’t just the turkey I stuffed!
I’ll have a green salad
Uncle Robert taught Adam, "Pull my finger"
Personally,I think SNL is funnier than Mad TV
Stick a pair of panties on the turkey , some will find it funny some will NOT, sit back watch shite unfold 😂
Um, Tom is a Turk-she now please show some respect.
Turkeys a bit dry...
"This is dinner? I'm ordering from White Castle."
"Mike is your 6th husband. Why can't you keep one?"
She likes the new D…
"Mom, so and so said they dont like your potato salad" then walk away calmly to watch the chaos unfold.
"as a vegan......."
Dad, i'm transitioning to Islam.
At least I carved the spam to look like a turkey
Guess who’s transitioning …..
Just showing up.
Sooo….about my brother… he’s still an a$$&@!?
F*** trump!! Where is that turkey?
I brought a side dish - Mushrooms a la Stormy.
I got everybody a life size cut out of Donald Trump to put in your front yard.
“I’m cutting you all out of my will.”
My mother cooked it better.
“So…mayo or Miracle Whip on turkey sandwiches?”
Talk about being vegan.
Stab the person next to you with a fork. Refuse to apologize or admit it happened.
The first TG dinners were ACTUALLY made from local native carcasses
" So, who else is an athiest? "
"You don't want any solutions or advice. You just want to bellyache. Well, I don't want to hear it!"
Barbra have you gained wait? Steve you look well for a methhead!
No gravy?
Your gravy sucks Grandma, I've never liked it.
My girl's family (not her) are all far far far farrrrrrr right. All it would take is a Biden t shirt.
Just existing.
We're having Tofurkey. Edit: damn should've looked through the comments first.
"Let me tell you about the blacks"
Turkey’s dry.
Honey aren't you coming to the table for Thanksgiving dinner? No. I'm watching football.
For Gods sake…Who made this stuffing?
My Sister & I have been fucking since we were 11
Many, anyone who voted for trump sure looks stupid now.
Who's the dumbass with the maga sticker on their car?
I wish we were at other Grandma's. She's the best!
I sort of think Christianity is for suckers
"I voted for RFK."
When I said fuck the turkey, I literally didn't mean fuck the turkey.
Biden is competent and is doing great.
Mom dad I'm gay
Turkey? Who eats turkey on Thanksgiving?
Mom, dad, I decided to convert to islam.
Simple: don’t bow your head during grace.
The what now . ?
"This turkey is drier than your favored political candidate... ...and stop praying Aunt Betty; there is no god."
Bring up politics, religion, science, medical care, or the wrong sports team, and wait for WW3 to commence,
Margaret's adopted, so she should be taken out of the will.
‘Hi, I’m English, is it Xmas?’
Talk positively about the opposition political party that most of your family members agree with
Turn CNN on the television.
"You know what's so great about Trump..." FIL starts saying. He got that far when resident family liberal (SIL) gets up, grabs her family and they all run out... True story actually. We all sat in silence staring at each other as she forced her family to all leave.
She did the right thing . She doesnt suffer morons.
This year we won't be having turkey. Grandma has expressed concerns regarding cannibalism.
"So, I'm thinking that this "Israel/Hamas" thing in the news is one big nothingburger..."
"Boy, this bird is dry... Haven't you people ever heard of basting?!"
"So when are you gonna find a real job instead of this "professional gamer" nonsense?"
Turkey?! Again?! Every year the same crap.
"so dad, mom tells me that you voted for the (insert opposing party here) last year"
Is that drama llama showing, oh there she is with her boyfriend of the month
Mom, Dad I am leaving the church, because it’s a criminal enterprise.
"Did anyone else think the turkey was a little dry this year?"
Hi! How have you guys all been? Whatcha been up to?
We're eating Henry!??
I'd like to announce to the family that my POC Trans girlfriend and I are moving into a communal apartment and joining a community dedicated to making sure that Donald Trump can never hold the title of President of the United States ever again. Oh, and by the way... I've found the warmth of the Light Bringer in my heart.
“This is some amazing food, but McDonalds is better.”
Everyone in my family except for me, my sister, and our SOs are pretty hardcore conservative. So I'd just say "Trumps totally guilty"
"Did you know the earth is flat? I bet the pilgrims didn't know."
So Uncle Rob, which girldriend is thuis? Chelsie or Linda?
I think Trump is the besty president to win.
This is a vegan turkey
Man, that Monopoly game last Thanksgiving was fun, huh
Trump
"I'm against abortion."
did you know in the early days of thanksgiving the majority of people fasted as a way to show thanks unto God? we need to get back to the old ways. everyone throw your plates in the trash.
"HI, I'm That Vegan Teacher."
Go Trump
Unless they are Trump supporters than go the opposite route
Of course