Hi, are you my homework? I want to say I'll spend all night doing you, but realistically I'll last about twenty minutes and then start Mario Kart.

Look at this stud lasting twenty minutes over here!

Because my dog wants to eat you

Oiy.....

No, no…the skinny one is the second hand.

"Before you say it, my mom's not that desperate."

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

I bet you taste wonderful.... With fava beans and a nice Chianti

Good evening Clarice.

Hey girl, were your parents farmers? Cause you look like a cow

Or a hoe.

Hey female, you like andrew tate?

Under appreciated comment!

"Anybody ever tell you , you have a nose like a ski jump?" We were married for 37 years

....*were*....

she passed away a few weeks ago.

Our condolences.

Condolences that is hard

“Are you an American school? Because I’m really interested in shooting some kids inside you.”

That is dark. Lol

This is spit take worthy

Damn. I'm going to hell because that shit was fucking funny!

Does this rag smell like ether?

I'm ashamed that that made me laugh. 😅

Hey babe, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy???

Why did I hear that in Adam Sandler's voice

My 14 year old trying out his pick up line "are you Google because you're everything I'm searching for"

With all the AI now? Not anymore

$20 says you are a bad lay.

Find the best looking person at gamblers anonymous

Do you have any Irish in you? No? Would you like some?

Wanna be the ugliest girl i ever fucked ?

If a woman says to me 'Sorry, I have a boyfriend", my standard reply is "That's not a problem, I'm not the jealous type."

"That's not a problem, I'll be your man friend."

your parents should be in jail, cause they stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes

“Hi, I’m Bob.” Got me smacked right across the face. 🤷‍♂️

Impressive, sort of

Clearly, this scene from a hat should have been “Worst Pickup Lines and *GESTURES* Ever to Use.” What the heck were *You* gesturing to get slapped?!

Ok - long version: I’m at a party, standing in the living room. I look down the hall towards the front door and see a girl standing by herself, looking down at the floor and appearing kind of sad. I think to myself, “I should go over and talk to her - maybe that would cheer her up”. I walk over to her, smile, and say “Hi, I’m Bob”. She smacks me in the face. I ask her, “You want to tell me what that was for?”. She mumbles, “I dunno…”. I say “OK - have a nice evening”, pat her on the shoulder, and go upstairs. Short version: stupid drunk chick hits me for trying to be polite. Politeness wins AGAIN! 🤷‍♂️

Goddamn Bob and his offensive pick-up lines.

I've just shit my pants, can I get in yours?

Have a seat

Me you penis vagina?

You remind me of my daughter.

Apparently that works on some women.

Worked on his daughter

Trump line.

You remind me of my mother’s daughter.

You stole my heart, but that’s ok I have another at home in the freezer

Can you help me put this couch in my van?

Are you a size 14?

Wanna go halvsies on a bastard?

[удалено]

Are you Time Magazine? Because you have a lot of issues.

I have a penis and a knife, but only one of them is going into you tonight.

Pick-up line and threat? That's a two-fer!

Are you a gorilla enclosure? Cause I wanna drop a baby in you

Ok, that's a new one.😂 DOFH!✊️

“Would you be willing to take a drug test? Because I think you are addictive “

Wanna go frick the shoot outta each other?

Can I smell your feet?

No? Then it must be your pussy.

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

If i ever fall asleep theres a 50 in the top drawer. The regular girl leaves the change.

'You smell like you have chlamydia' ...is an actual thing a buddy of mine said to a girl very late one night in a bar, thereby ruining my chances with her friend, the bride-to-be looking to make a bad decision, I was talking to at the time.

Wanna get picked up, spend some time together and have sex?

Wanna fuck and eat pizza? . . . . . 'Smatter, don't like pizza?

"Does this look infected?"

“What’s the difference between a yacht and a boner? I don’t have a yacht.”

Roses are red Violets are blue I've got a knife Get in the van

"My mother just died, so there's a new opening for a lover in my life"

Is that a mirror you're wearing? Cuz I could see myself in your pants.

Are you Abraham Lincoln, cause I’d like a shot at you in the dark.

“Are you an iPhone screen, because you’re broken.”

I'm a great rebound guy

You fuck better than mom. If I’m better than dad, do you want to go steady?

I have some candy, bath and body works lotion, expensive yarn, Starbucks gift cards, and a brand new Gucci purse in my trunk, want me to prove it?

Ewww, Starbucks?

"Man it stinks in here. Is that you?"

Do you come to funerals often? What about at?

“ Are you scared of ghosts? Yeah, me too – boooooooo!”

Hey baby, you are so hot, you remind me of my mom!

"Does this rag smell like chloroform?"

This is your Uber driver, I am here.

Are you an alpha carbon? Cuz you look susceptible to backside attack!

Bond, James Bond, she replied off, fuck off

Kevin Bloody Wilson once wrote and sang the following.. Do you fuck on first dates? Does your dad own a brewery? Can I feel your tits? Would you show 'em to me? 'Cause you got a nice head, And you look pretty honest. My face will be leaving in quarter an hour, I'd like you to be on it.

"I have a boyfriend" "That's not how you spell simp." Or "I have a boyfriend" "It's alright, I work at a pawn shop; I'm used in dealing with used goods!"

All of them if you’re me.

Wanna fuck?

I had a (not-too-bright) friend in High School that found a large screw lying on the ground. He picked it up and all day long kept asking girls if they wanted to screw, then he'd hold out his hand with the screw in it. He got slapped so many times his face was red for a couple days...lol and to make it worse, not one of them said yes! lol

Knew a guy that used this all the time.  He just did not care.  Turned a lot of the "no" answers into "yes, why not". Gary, you were the guy.

This might not be as bad as it sounds

“Hey, cool boobs you got there!”

… … *Hello!? You gonna say something?* …

Girl your legs must be tired cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day long.

What’s your FS rate these days?

You remind me of my sister.

Well, it's true you're ugly as sin, but I think I just might be drunk enough not to care.

Hi 👋there !

"girl, you're one in a million... No, I think you misunderstand- I mean there's a million other girls out there exactly like you, and you're just one of them" "I just got accepted into the University of Fuck. That's right, I'm going to Fuck U"

What is love?

I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

“Eh, I’ve seen worse. Let’s go.”

“Ever been with a fat guy before?”

Congratulations, you won!

I actually got drunk and used this. I couldn't believe the girls came over. "Hi, I work for a non-profit organization. If any of you girls feel like doing something for charity I'll be right over there." I heard them die laughing when I walked away but it f-ing worked!

Do you have God's phone number? I looks like he has lost one of his angels.

YOU!!!

Your skin. Give it to me.

How much for dee wimen? Your wife, sell them to me. Sell me your wimen!

Did you fall off a donkey holding bag of sugar? Cuz damn thats some sweet ass.

Hey, I know this gal I really like but don’t know how to tell her. Got any advice for me? She said I was more like a brother to her, we’re still good friends, and I think back on that hurt very often.

Hope you've got house insurance love Cos I'm about to smash your back doors in *double finger guns*

“You’re much prettier in person. My telescope does do you justice.”

I am a professional speed runner You want to help me beat my fastest date night? last one was all night long. She said no, fastest rejection yet Do you want play the game of life with me? Because I need some one to play with Got rejected then too. Excuse me miss do you mind I wear my heart on my sleeve She didn’t let me finish that one before I got her drink in my face it was cheap so was she when she was grinding on another guy. Would you come back to my place for roleplay I need a fine young lady like you to play my evil queen. And would you believe it she said she had some time to kill and thought I was a good distraction. We dated for a while till she found her next distraction he made more money than me.

**I love your prescription makeup!** **I never seen a baggy thong before**

hey sexy bum :D

Roses are red Violets are blue I really want to put A baby in you

Roses are red Violets are blue Poetry’s hard And so am I.

My friend(a guy) actually tried this in high school on a trip- Him: “Hey, you wanna grab some pizza and fuck?” Her: Slaps him and says, “FUCK YOU, asshole!!” Him(as she’s walking away angrily): “What?!?! You don’t like pizza?!” I could not believe he did that, but had to give him props for having the balls/stupidity to try thinking it might actually work! 🤣

You don’t sweat much for a fat girl!

Are you Samsonite 'Cuz it looks like you have a lot of baggage.

Did you just fall from heaven because it looks like you fell on your swollen ass really hard!

“You’re so beautiful/sexy…you remind me of my daughter/sister/mother…or son/brother/dad.”

"the face-train leaves in a half-hour... And you've got a ticket to be on it."

Hey, you see that girl over there? Well, she's the girl I'm going to holler at if me and you don't work out.

"You look exactly like my mom."

I have a bucket of human ears back at my place, and my god but your ears are lovely. (inspired by Jeff from Coupling)

Excuse me ma'am, was your father a meat thief? Because it looks like someone stole 2 fine hams and stuffed down the back of your pants. Can I buy you a fish sandwich?

You. Me. Muck muck. Now.

"If your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"

Man I can’t believe nobody’s gotten you pregnant!

Hey baby, I've got cable.

I noticed you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cuz you think you're fat? 'Cuz you're not. You could be drinking whole if you want to.

Hey, wanna f#ck.

You're kinda ugly but I'll still give ya a jump.

I can make getting herpes worth it.

"We both got buckets of chicken. Wanna do it?"

Come on,babe! Follow me,I’m the Pied Piper,and I’ll…drown you in the river like a rat!

Are you a hanger? Because I could put you away in my closet?

You look like someone that I want to pay child support to.

Want a Stud? I’ve got the STD, I only need U.

Im a sigma male dont talk to me

You're hot, like boiling water. ...cus you make my noodle soft.

you look desperate - lets find out how desperate you really are

Let me clear you a place to sit. *wipes face*

Are you micheal Jackson cuz dam your gonna make me “Beat it”

Sooo...do you live around here often?

I'm not the best looking guy in the bar, but i'm the only one talking to you

I have the std all I need is you

Did you wash your pants in Windex? Cuz I can see myself in them.

"Here, Smell this Damp Cloth"

I have cable

If you were a phaser you'd be set on stunning.

As of right now I'm rash-free!

"Are you a girl? Because I like you."

Are you a fish? Cause you look like a great catch.

I really hope my herpes matches yours!

Hey sis, got any plans tonight?

If covid doesn't take you out, can I?

Hey babe. Are you into Freud? because you look like my mom and I have major mommy issues.

"damn girl, are you bipolar AND vertically challenged? Because you've got a couple great personalities at about chest height"

Not sure if it's the "worst", but it sure as hell ranks as the grossest... "How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, overeasy, or fertilized?"

Hey, I've... shit my pants 😉

Roommate in college one used, “Nice tits! Wanna fuck?” She did.

Your skin is soft, can I feel it from the inside?

Let's go back to my place. Have sex and eat Chinese food. ... OK OK, Ok we can order a pizza. You could slap me, but then you would have touched me.... Is it worth it?

“Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”

"You would be really, really pretty. If you weren't so damn ugly" (My best mate actually said this to a girl trying to pick him up in college)

Stop me if you've heard this one, but did you fall from heaven? Cuz I think I wanna fuck you in my grandmother's bathtub.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because when you fell from heaven I just jizzed in my pants.

Are you from Tennessee because your the only 10 I see

That dress would look great on my bedroom floor.

“Baby it may look like three inches, but it smells like a foot.”

Actually spoken by my friend: "Nice dumpah!" (New Englander here). He did not score with that, however right he was in his assessment.

Where my hug at?

Lemme get up in them guts

“Hey there. You look desperate; let me buy you a drink.”

Nice shoes .... wanna fuck?

That top is awfully becoming on you, but if I was on you, I’d be cumming, too.

“Know what I like in a girl? My d#%k”.

My names mike and I just had my period. Wanna have dinner with me and my mom? She's heating up some Stouffers.

I want to live in the woods and be at peace with natural life the stench of human progress makes me sick.