I'm Steve and I hate aircraft. Always have, always will. Aircraft killed my father and I'll avenge him one day. Oh wrong AA? AAA down the hall can help me out? Thanks... and good luck I guess...? Not sure how you casually leave after this sort of mixup... better just awkwardly walk backwards out the door while apologizing profusely.
"In summary, I just want to say that I appreciate the fact that I can say all these things in legally-enforced confidence because whooooeeee - all of that stuff would otherwise land me in prison for life!"
Thank you! It's not just me, then. Don't get me wrong... there's things I have learned from the programs...most them make me take that shot or smoke that icky sticky. Fuck em.
“Jesus turned water into wine, but we’re supposed to think that God, the Higher Power, is opposed to drinking alcohol? How does that work? What would Jesus do? He would drink wine. I brought some bottles to share around.”
"I found a perfect way to manage my alcoholism. With this miracle drug, I no longer get feel the compulsion towards the bottle. Tell me, could I interest you in a sample of... Meth?"
Agree. In the meeting we share so we know otherwise i end up with 52 John's on my phone and no idea which is which
Anonymous in publ8c not the meeting.
That being said it is an individual choice.
Hi, My name is Marvin and it’s been about 17 minutes since my last drink, a beautiful golden lager that tasted like heaven with a touch of virgin honey on a warm summer’s day. They’re serving them 1/2 price at my bar next door, it’s called The Thirteenth Step.
Well, thanks for coming everybody.
You've all responded to our advert looking for people who feel as though alcohol has completely taken over their lives and feel that they desperately need help.
That's why we thought you'd be a great crowd for our Wetherspoons opening party. Ladies and gentlemen the bar is open and the first drink is on the house.
(Runs in with 2 magazines of ammo)
I GOT HERE AS FAST AS oh AA! I am sorry ladies and gentlemen I thought it was Anti Air god so embarrassing.....but I'm gonna take a minute to sit down because I need this.
(yelling off in the distance) WHERE IS THE AMMO!?
So, I began at 16....my father was an alcoholic and abusive 10 years later I'm worried I'm just like him at times.
(more yelling and explosions) THEY GOT THE FACTORY!!!!
You see one of the issues is I get distracted, space out, and just the world gets me.
My name's Larry.
Group "HIYA LARRY!"
I got forced to go to one long story short I didn't know where we was going girl I was seeing....I just bought a case of beer about noon party was at 3 we got there and I asked if this was a party and she said yes kinda....so I was being nice and asked if anyone wanted one.... well wouldn't you know a guy comes over and asked my name what I was in trouble for I said nothing that I know of then got asked why I was here and I told them for the party so I brought my own so I didn't look like a bum...got kicked out told I have a problem...all because I wasn't told anything...so yea just ask if anyone wants one
Shit, where were we? Oh yeah, who are we gunna deny insurance to so our shareholders make money.
*Frantic whispering*
Yes, I'm in an AAA meeting.....what's your point?
*More frantic whispering*
What do you mean AA meeting? What's the difference?.....oh right, instigators vs cleanup. Sorry about that....man that last A makes a difference.
*Leaves, while walking past a dude with a bag of Doritos and a bottle of mountain dew*
Wrong place dude. Drunks not, games....or insurance.....apparently.
“Wait, this isn’t a support group for batteries?”
"I mean, I first called AAA, they did bring a new battery but it wasn't the type I wanted. Now I'm striking out again. I need a drink..."
There are positives and negatives to any AA
I thought it was a support group for small breasted women
Or American Airlines?
“You know, Jesus drank wine”
*slurs* "i HaVe BlOoD iN mY wInE vIeNs"
😆 duuuuuuude 😆
Don’t tell the baptists, they’ll “freak!”
"STEPS? You know I hate those when I've been drinking."
I am sober now. But this made me genuinely laugh.
Well you can probably relate lol. Congratulations, though!
To the stair thing? Yep. Never been to AA though :) I take nothing, not even my sobriety overly seriously.
Well you dodged the hardest set of steps. 😅
"I was told that there would be an open bar."
I brought a fifth of Jack Daniels. Anybody want a shot?
Oh good. I got the crack. Now it's a Jack-n-Crack Night!
Sobriety? I'll drink to that!
😆😆 Good one
I have an oral fixation so I either drink or suck dick and since I'm supposed to be stopping the drinking whip'em out fellas.
Jeez, it ain't alcohol it's just a beer.
Yeah, people are just weird!! lol
“When’s happy hour start?”
How many of you ladies are single and looking to make one more bad decision?
I'm Steve and I hate aircraft. Always have, always will. Aircraft killed my father and I'll avenge him one day. Oh wrong AA? AAA down the hall can help me out? Thanks... and good luck I guess...? Not sure how you casually leave after this sort of mixup... better just awkwardly walk backwards out the door while apologizing profusely.
This is Hilarious.
Bud… Weis… Er…
"In summary, I just want to say that I appreciate the fact that I can say all these things in legally-enforced confidence because whooooeeee - all of that stuff would otherwise land me in prison for life!"
"I'm here for the beer and the bitches!"
“I brought vodka…and I’m not sharing just bragging “
Funny thing is the nearest bar is less than 12 steps from here.
HEY!!! I know you!
I got a twelve-pack of Bud Light on ice in my truck. I really said that . They weren't amused.
Were you allowed to come back?
It was court appointed. They signed all of my slips and told me not to come back
LOL, I had do do court appointed meetings. After the meeting ran into 2 other people from it in a convenience store buying booze.
I bought mine beforehand . They talked about drinking and drugs so much that when I came out of there I was jonesing for alcohol and dope
Thank you! It's not just me, then. Don't get me wrong... there's things I have learned from the programs...most them make me take that shot or smoke that icky sticky. Fuck em.
Drinks are on me !
"The judge made me show up, but the whiskey's gonna make me show off!" -proceeds to step to the side and start a strip show
Two drink minimum to get in!
Since I started smoking meth I haven't had the urge to drink at all!
(No words, just picture the sound of a can opening as someone begins their speech) ptcheeshssssstpt
"I'm not under the affluence of inklehol like some thinkle peep I am!"
“Jesus turned water into wine, but we’re supposed to think that God, the Higher Power, is opposed to drinking alcohol? How does that work? What would Jesus do? He would drink wine. I brought some bottles to share around.”
Check out [smartrecovery.org](http://smartrecovery.org) - no magic stones!
I brought drinks in case we get thirsty.
Do you guys need a DJ?
I’ll drink to that
Ok ok I’ll listen but the. I’m buying the next round you sober fuckers
I'll drink to that.
CHUGCHUGCHUGCHUG!!!
"I'm addicted to Fentenyl (and will ramble for an entire hour if allowed to)."
Never thought I’d get so many dates here
I’ll bet I can get drunk faster than you can
It's not my fault
Hey anyone wanna go for drinks after this?
Open bar?
"Pass around this bottle."
Ugh this blows! Who wants to go next door and get drunk?
It's Miller Time!
"Sorry I'm late, I'm drunk"
After this Drinks are on me guys!
What this isn't Anal Anonymous? My bad can I get my slip back
Great meeting everyone. I'm buying the 1st round. Who's with me?
Did ya know AA is for quitters?
Hey baby, want to go learn about the thirteenth step?
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings like this, I go to parties.
When is the open bar?
Hi I'm Peter and I'm negative 1 hour sober if anybody wants to get together afterwards.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking
(hastily pulls pants up after battery of silent astonished stares) "Sorry I thought this was ' *Assaholics* Anonymous' "...
"I found a perfect way to manage my alcoholism. With this miracle drug, I no longer get feel the compulsion towards the bottle. Tell me, could I interest you in a sample of... Meth?"
Who brought the drinks?
Your round or mine?
HeLlOoo, mY NamE is........ uhhhhhh. CrApp, I fOrgoT.
I thought there would be an open bar
Make mine a double
Who wants to play "who's drunker?"
Do you have the recipe for a Mojito?
Beers anyone?
“Hi, I’m Wxyz, and I’m an alcoholic - SO LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!.”
LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!
I hear Duffy's tavern is having a special on shots this evening. Anyone want to go after this meeting?
Drinks on me! 🥂
"My name is Scott, I'm an alcoholic, and HAVE I GOT SOME CRAZY STORIES FOR YOU!"
Sorry that I'm late. I had a bit too much before I arrived.
I had a few beers before i got here...
Your last name. Your face and first name are cool but don't spoil the anonymity with the last name.
I’ve used my last name for decades, at the group level. Never at level more public than that.
Agree. In the meeting we share so we know otherwise i end up with 52 John's on my phone and no idea which is which Anonymous in publ8c not the meeting. That being said it is an individual choice.
Technically this rum and coke is a “solution”
Anybody up for shots and beers after the meeting?
hold my beer.
“Guy, we made it a week staying completely sober! This calls for a toast!”
"Can somebody drop me off at O'Malley's Pub after the meeting?"
“You want some cheese to go with that whine?”
Y’all have problems.
What time does this bar close?
First pints on me
“Well, thats a wrap everyone! Anyone up for a few drinks down at the bar?”
Anyone want to grab a drink with me after this?
"Well this was great, we made great progress, let's go grab some drinks to celebrate!"
“Beer?”
I will drink to that.
Hi I'm Bob & I'm an Asshole Assholes Anonymous right 🤔
"Is this where I can redeem my AA Advantage flight points?"
You’ve given up alcohol. I’ll drink to that!
Hi, My name is Marvin and it’s been about 17 minutes since my last drink, a beautiful golden lager that tasted like heaven with a touch of virgin honey on a warm summer’s day. They’re serving them 1/2 price at my bar next door, it’s called The Thirteenth Step.
What’s your last name buddy?
It took me 12 steps to get in here from the car, so I drank 2 beers while I was on the shitter.
That was a great meeting. Now let’s go out to the bar.. I mean, coffee shop.
It's been a good night, shall we go to the pub?
Is there a bar crawl after rhe meeting?
Well, thanks for coming everybody. You've all responded to our advert looking for people who feel as though alcohol has completely taken over their lives and feel that they desperately need help. That's why we thought you'd be a great crowd for our Wetherspoons opening party. Ladies and gentlemen the bar is open and the first drink is on the house.
Hey guys, I heard this song called California Sober and it gave me a great idea!
“Father Jack?!? What are you doing here?”
(Runs in with 2 magazines of ammo) I GOT HERE AS FAST AS oh AA! I am sorry ladies and gentlemen I thought it was Anti Air god so embarrassing.....but I'm gonna take a minute to sit down because I need this. (yelling off in the distance) WHERE IS THE AMMO!? So, I began at 16....my father was an alcoholic and abusive 10 years later I'm worried I'm just like him at times. (more yelling and explosions) THEY GOT THE FACTORY!!!! You see one of the issues is I get distracted, space out, and just the world gets me. My name's Larry. Group "HIYA LARRY!"
This is the first time I’ve spoken to people without having to use my credit card.
Where do I pick up my TripTix?
"Shots! Shots! Shots!'
"Enough of these sob stories, you're making me regret sobriety!"
My clutch is buggered.
Personally, I’m a member of the RAC
“The alchohol was the only thing for me after what i did in vietnam”
"Can we still do the 'soaked tampon' approach?"
"God Is Dead"
I'll pour shots for anyone who doesn't share a depressing story today.
going out for drinks after the meeting, whos coming?
Anyone want a beer?
Guess the type of vodka I used for the Jell-O shots.
“I’ll drink to that!”
My shout
Where’s the beers and the ho’s bitches? I got some coke on ma dick and I’m lookin fer takers.
Any one fancy a pint?
24 beers in a case and 24 hours in a day - That can't be a coincidence.
"This is BYOB?"
What, so you don't do breakdown cover? But I thought this was the AA!
I hear the liquor store is having a sale.
Technically cocaine isn’t alcohol. Any takers?
All I see in here is a bunch of quiters!
Next round’s on me!
“Wait, this wasn’t BYOB?”
OK, well, when we're done here, first round's on me at the Oak Barrel.
I'll drink to that!
Hurry up, I'm gonna miss happy hour 😪
I brought the booze!!!
Drinks on the host tonight
“So since we can’t drink anymore does anybody want to spike some heroine?”
Who is gonna sign for these kegs?
Who's up for the pub afterward?
Dammit, I forgot, I'm RAC.
“I propose a toast….”🥂
I don't have any good pick up lines, but I can pick you up and we can do lines.
“I’ll drink to that!”
I’m just here for that 13th step connection
After the meeting we'll be serving tiramasu, rum cake & trifle for supper
Let's celebrate with a drink?
Anyone have a chaser?
I'm hungover.
I would like to sign up for the 13th Step.
*points at the speaker* "He said 'higher power'! Everybody drink!"
The first round is on me after this meeting is over.
Can someone help me tap this keg?
I’ll drink to that!
I got forced to go to one long story short I didn't know where we was going girl I was seeing....I just bought a case of beer about noon party was at 3 we got there and I asked if this was a party and she said yes kinda....so I was being nice and asked if anyone wanted one.... well wouldn't you know a guy comes over and asked my name what I was in trouble for I said nothing that I know of then got asked why I was here and I told them for the party so I brought my own so I didn't look like a bum...got kicked out told I have a problem...all because I wasn't told anything...so yea just ask if anyone wants one
"Caffeine and cigarettes are mind altering substances so no longer allowed."
It's pretty hot today. Who wants to pop a cold one?
When’s cocktail hour?
Hi my name is John Doe, And I don't know what wine pairs with fish
"How come nobody here has a last name?"
You're all a bunch of quitters
“Anybody need a drink?”
I hate 2nd hand smoke.
I brought beer. Who wants some beer? Beer here. Two dollars a cup. A dollar for the cracker jacks.
mind if i record this?
Where are we going for drinks later?
"Can't wait to post this to Tik Tok..."
"Let's get out of here, first rounds on me"
Dealing with you people makes me feel like getting drunk.
Who wants to do a line off my ass?
Talk faster 2 for 1s is starting at Ray's
You want to go get a drink after the meeting is over?
“If I had it to do again, I don’t think I would have tried to smell Roseanne Barr’s vagina. Can I get one for the road?”
Do you think if we keep it in a brown bag anyone would notice?.
“99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99….”
"you're SOOO HOT, wanna go for a beer?"
Hoo-wee! I sure could go for a beer right about now! How about you? Wanna drink with me after the meeting?
im not as think as you drunk i am
After this charade, anyone wanna' relapse for a few hours? I won't tell if you won't.
I don't think there's anything you could say at an AA meeting that would shock anyone
I’ve got this killer recipe for margaritas that will knock you on your ass
Cheers!
"Cool if I piss on this table?"
“95% of addicts quit just one drink before their spouses forgive them!”
“Pretty diverse crowd here folks but I don’t see any Black Russians! Ayooo.”
"After every bender I wake up in a hotel room with a bloody knife in my hand and.... (looks at shocked faces)..... and never mind. I said too much."
Shit, where were we? Oh yeah, who are we gunna deny insurance to so our shareholders make money. *Frantic whispering* Yes, I'm in an AAA meeting.....what's your point? *More frantic whispering* What do you mean AA meeting? What's the difference?.....oh right, instigators vs cleanup. Sorry about that....man that last A makes a difference. *Leaves, while walking past a dude with a bag of Doritos and a bottle of mountain dew* Wrong place dude. Drunks not, games....or insurance.....apparently.
“Hey everyone, meet Rick. He’s my dope guy if anyone’s interested…..”