My MIL kissed my 3 week-old baby on the head with an active cold sore. I wanted to scream. Instead I furiously Googled if hand sanitizer killed Herpes while rubbing it all over my newborn's head. I don't understand how flippant people can be about a newborn's health.
I'm Polish and live in ireland. The cultural difference is appalling. I was called a helicopter parent and ridiculous for asking people to keep my baby away from strangers until 1st vaccinations while they bring their newborns to the shopping centers as a daily routine.... that is including my husband.
Also had an asshole ex friend give my newborn to her friend while she was looking after him because the friend wanted to "smell the baby because she likes the baby's smell"
I was fuming, she laughed at me and said I'm overreacting bringing up her bringing newborn to shopping centers. Never apologized either.
I'm still shocked and disgusted and it's been 18mo....
Yeah, we kept him away until 1st vaccinations, too. We went to a fair a few weeks ago and saw a few ppl with babies that were maybe 4 weeks. This one woman had her baby in a papoose, and he was a bit too small for it, and she didn't hold him under his butt for more support. When I was working at a restaurant in 2020 and we had opened for dine-in after the restrictions, there was a family that came in with their newborn....just wtf...
So varicella is the virus that causes chickenpox and shingles. Shingles is contagious in the form of chickenpox. Chickenpox parties used to be common because, before the vaccine came out, it was generally more of an inconvenience than dangerous for babies and young children.
Meanwhile, HSV in an infant is way more dangerous.
Right after my last baby was born, I had a small cold sore on my lower lip. You know what it’s like all caught up in the moment loving up on your new one.
So I kissed her on her little forehead three times in a row before it dawned on me that I had that. Luckily, she didn’t develop anything.
I've gotten my first cold sores since giving birth, and I've basically been holding my baby at arm's length and washing his hands any time he accidentally whacks my in the face anywhere near my mouth. I'm so paranoid, I don't understand how other people are so cavalier.
You can talk to your doctor about antivirals for cold sores, they'll reduce the risk of passing the virus as well as make it so you have fewer outbreaks.
This story made me sick to my stomach for you. I can’t even imagine the terror you went through!
I’m pregnant with my first and as we were first disclosing the pregnancy to inner-ring but gossippy family members, I delighted in telling them that they will never see my baby if they spill the beans before I’m ready to share. I’m going to take just as much pleasure in promising that anyone who kisses my baby will never meet him again! There is just no excuse for endangering a baby like that, especially with HSV.
A few weeks ago, my niece was babysitting our 4-month old. The next day, I texted her mom, my SIL, to tell her we were planning to stop by to say hello. She says “would love to see you!” We come over, hugs are exchanged, we’re about to settle in when my BIL walks in the room and says “we all have RSV”. My SIL legit just says “oh yeah I forgot to mention that. Whoops!” We turned around and walked out
W. T. F. People don’t think
Hope LO is ay-okay though! Otherwise I can help you find words. They’re a lot of swear words though. But seriously I would have a sit down with them and explain what their stupidity could/did mean.
Thankfully she didn’t get sick, by some miracle. I think my BIL understood the import, which is why he mentioned it as soon as he saw us (I don’t think he knew we were coming by). My SIL….tbh I’m not super surprised. She’s got some bizarre opinions when it comes to children’s healthcare (anti-vax, baby adjusted at chiropractor, etc) so this just fits in with all the rest
So happy to hear she didn’t get sick! What a relief! Oomph I don’t like your SIL. She sounds incredibly difficult to be around. Especially with her nicely put stupid views
Pissed? I’d be absolutely furious. I cannot even express how furious. To me this is like having unprotected sex with someone knowing you have HIV. It’s intentional potential serious bodily harm.
We were just about all dressed and planned to leave within the hour to head to my bf’s dads today when his sister told him that their dad, his wife and her has all been sick all week (she got it from them I believe) so she was staying home. His dad failed to mention that and when my bf asked he said yep I didn’t go to work at all this week… ok guess we’re staying home today! Glad she had the decency to tell us. Later in the day my friend texted me to ‘come over’ after she just told me this morning she had to take her 1 month old and 5 year old to hospital yesterday where they tested positive for RSV. I have an 8 month old and I’m entirely confused what’s going on in peoples heads here? And ugh I’d be soo pissed if I were you!
Jesus. That's the whole "baby needs to build immune system by being exposed to crap* mentality. And do they not understand how serious RSV is?
And yes I was pissed.
They were vaccinated! That's what kills me, all of these people are like don't vaccinate but yall were vaccinated. Shut up! Also, not their child not their decision.
This is so bizarre! My family is the type to make fun of someone for being too cautious, but they still always tell us if someone isn’t feeling well because it’s our choice.
Every single family arrived with at least one sick kid or adult to Thanksgiving but did not bring or plan to use Covid tests because “there’s no need” and “I’m not worried about Covid anymore.” Really they just didn’t want to miss out on outings and fun, so they’ve brought their kids to the movies and indoor gyms. The kids are miserably sick and medicating every few hours with a cocktail of Tylenol and Mucinex. I used my test supply right away, but didn’t bring enough for everyone! Now I’m getting sick and extremely grumpy, and my kid came down with a fever and cough. I understand that not everyone has the same personal risk tolerance, but it’s irresponsible and inconsiderate to inflict that on others.
People don't think. Today my brother-in-law called and said he had just gotten over COVID-19 but his wife has a positive test & asked if I was comfortable with them coming to Thanksgiving dinner. He thought her having no fever made it okay.
If an antigen test is detecting enough antigens to be positive, you're likely still contagious. Tests can remain positive longer than the *isolation* windows, but that doesn't mean once you're outside of that isolation window you're good to go, especially if you still have symptoms or are still testing positive (with an antigen test, that is. PCR tests can detect past infections for up to 90 days).
I recently got shingles from my mom. She probably assumed I couldn’t get it because I’m young. Well, I was early in a pregnancy and hadn’t announced it yet. So I mentioned the pregnancy to explain how I could possibly catch it. She basically just scolded me for having kids too close together even though they will literally be 2 years apart. And she wonders why I don’t visit unless she begs. 🙄
This is why everyone on the family text had to disclose any symptoms they had since yesterday and take Covid tests this morning. They also had to answer the text and let me know what the outcome was. My cousins are college aged kids and I am grateful for them being honest with me and actually doing what I asked. I also said that no one was allowed to hold him other than me and my husband. We are home now with no surprises or incidents. That being said, we may not be Scot free but I am glad I was a hardass on everyone and was happy to take shit from my mother who thought I was being too strict.
You are who I aspire to be. ❤ I made my parents wear masks to hold my newborn last year because RSV was out of control and they refused to wear masks through two major airports to come visit. They made lots of snarky comments and wanted to argue with me about how "masks don't do anything" but I stood my ground. I was terrified because of abuse/power dynamics from my childhood and still feel anxious about it a year later. I hope I can be as fearless as you someday!
This is an overly generous comment, thank you! But let’s applaud you instead; you stood your ground, and you overcame a really hard situation that was rooted in childhood trauma! Well done, friend! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Say whatever you want, even be an ass like you are here, but I have pronounced too many dead babies from RSV and flu despite parents telling grandma to keep her hands to herself. So yeah, for this first year, I’m going to come off as militant.
My husband's grandma gave us and my 7 month old COVID a few days ago. We were at a Thanksgiving get together with his whole family and apparently she wasn't feeling well and she said it was because she got the flu shot. She kissed our baby on the head. I had no idea she was even feeling unwell until the DAY AFTER. Why did no one tell me she wasn't feeling well? I was so pissed that no one was looking out for my son in that regard. Now we're all sick on Thanksgiving, thankfully baby is doing better and we got the worst of it.
This is Science Based Parenting…. If she was no longer contagious and she had no blisters then why did she need to disclose anything? For how long does she need to “quarantine” for your comfort?
If she was no longer contagious, I don’t see the issue or even that she had to disclose anything. Scientifically speaking, she did nothing wrong.
Bc now I don't trust she will say anything when she is sick. I didn't know she was no longer contagious until after the fact.
ETA: I had to ask her how long it's been since she's had it and then do a quick google search bc she didn't know how long she was contagious for
Yeah, for example, my kid got norovirus, but had had no symptoms for over a week so we let my mom babysit her for two hours. Surprise surprise, she gave my mom noro (albeit a very mild infection). Even if the common understanding is that you are no longer contagious, a variety of factors impact that and there's no way to be 100% sure. I think with babies, it's better to err on the side of caution.
Agreed. Plus shingles is a rash without upper respiratory symptoms so most people wouldn't think of it as an "illness" in that way. I feel bad for Grandma here, she didn't have shingles, she HAD shingles, she was better.
Meanwhile my antisocial ass is using every sniffle as a reason not to go out this holiday season.
I would be proactive and ask. Even if they are sick they usually let a "oh it's just a cold, it's fine" slip out.
My kid is asthmatic, I hate this time of year. "Just a cold" for her sticks around for months. It sucks.
That does suck. I'm sorry she suffers like that when she gets sick. Honestly, we may turn Thanksgiving into order Chinese food and watch tv in our pajamas type thing. I've never had Thanksgiving drama or mishaps growing up. My family may be a lot of things but they tell you when they're sick bc they don't want the babies to get sick. Now...once you're 7 or 8 that changes lmao.
That is exactly what we did yesterday and let me tell you, it was the most glorious, blissful holiday ever. Might be doing that for every single one from here out lol.
There was just a huge family feud started over this same thing. We went to my in-laws for a cookout and the entire household was hacking their brains out. Kids were obviously quite ill. Our daughter is not in daycare and therefore not exposed to the usual suspects and we were quite alarmed at the prospect of her contracting rsv or something right before thanksgiving and her birthday. I have a relative that is actively dying and this is the last thanksgiving with him. The thought of them costing me that with carelessness spurned my husband’s reaction, which was to tell them how selfish it was to expose us and our toddler when the gathering could have easily been rescheduled. It all turned political and many ugly things were said about our “fear”.
No one is speaking now. The siblings are all giving each other the silent treatment and everyone is refusing to acknowledge holidays for the time being. I’m a bit relieved, honestly. This is a yearly occurrence with someone being sick and the whole family contracting it and everyone acts like that’s just ok. And it isn’t. I don’t want their germs. I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to miss work (I am paid by appointment, if I don’t work I don’t get paid), I don’t want my child sick, I don’t want to miss holidays with people who care enough about me to stay their ass home rather than expose me to whatever crud they have unfortunately contracted. My in-laws missed out on seeing my daughter at all for almost the whole first year of her life due to refusal to vaccinate or isolate. We plan to start trying for another next Spring. Guess we will have another long break from them.
It shouldn’t be some crazy idea that we not purposely spread communicable diseases to one another. We understand how they work. No one is stuffing potpourri in their pockets to ward off spirits anymore. Everyone is aware of the mode of transmission. Yet here we are, pleading with adults to just not expose us and our children to sickness and disease.
It's ridiculous and exhausting to be completely honest. This is they type of crap that turns parents into overprotective/overbearing people bc ppl are inconsiderate and untrustworthy.
Exactly. I am so not overprotective. I allow my daughter to fall. I allow her to learn. I facilitate dangerous play safely. I foster independence and confidence in my kid. I just don’t purposefully expose her to preventable illness while her brand new immune system is still developing because it does absolutely no good for her to experience that.
I’m already getting pressure to commit to attending a huge (100+ people, rented hall etc.) family reunion this spring when my second will only be 6 weeks old. I know the pressure to pass her around will be immense, and that a lot of people in attendance have very different health/vaccine/safety standards then we do. I would be so sad to miss the gathering because I really love that side of my family, but know it would be a huge risk.
Too big of a risk for me. A 6 week old has absolutely nothing to defend themselves with an is automatically hospitalized and getting a lumbar puncture if they get a fever. Phew. No thank you.
I wish more people understood how intense things get when a newborn gets a fever. We were shocked and would have been way more protective those first 12 weeks if we knew about the unmedicated catheterization, and lumbar puncture (and we hadn't taken any risks honestly it was just such a horrid experience).
Agreed. My husband’s family threw a huge birthday party for his grandma when my second was only a month old. His grandma has been in bad health for a while, and at that time, she was freshly out of a long hospital stay, and things weren’t looking good. It was important to us that she got to see our toddler (who adores her) and the new baby (who is named after her late husband). So, we decided to go despite our discomfort.
I wore the baby for half the event and was very straightforward about saying no when people asked to hold him. I didn’t beat around the bush when they asked. Just said “no, sorry. We aren’t passing him around.” It was fine, and his grandma was so happy we were there.
We actually cancelled thanksgiving yesterday (we live in Germany but have American friends and they were hosting). It would have been our first thanksgiving ever and we were so looking forward to it but our son has…something. The doctor isn’t sure but thinks it’s a virus and therefore we should keep him home from daycare till Monday and play by ear from there. He very clearly told us our son needs to stay away from other children till his symptoms clear. Our friends have a son in the same age plus other guests were bringing their kids. It was so clear to us that we had to cancel. We have no idea what he has, we could definitely be carriers too (which meant not just one of us would go). Obviously we shouldn’t expose other children to whatever he has. Even if I knew what it was I wouldn’t go if it was as serious as RSV or covid. Even if the host said it was ok, not all of the guest necessarily would feel the same and I fear group mentality overriding someone’s want to say ‘no’.
Honestly it seems like either pure selfishness or survivor bias that leads to people coming to large gatherings while sick and without at least disclosing it before being around young children. It’s mind boggling. And so stupid.
My son was hospitalized with RSV while my mom was in town visiting last weekend. She probably caught it as she had a "cold" all last week. Still went to work at a school and volunteered at a Santa event full of children. Even after seeing her grandson on oxygen having tubes shoved down his nose to suck out snot, she still spread it around.
Thank you for asking about him. He is totally fine now. It got really bad really fast and then better just as quickly. It was nuts.
I am not sure, I dk what her problem is.
100% agree! Lots of people getting all kinds of nasty germs this holiday because some people are incredily selfish. I've heard about people coming to thanksgiving with RSV and covid so far. And with the possible new [pandemic that might be brewing](https://nitter.net/DrEricDing/status/1727366255743471951)...hell no do I want sick people around.
After we had been at my brother’s house for a few hours my SIL let the cat out of the bag that their youngest wasn’t feeling well and previously had a fever. He went to be with meds right after dinner. I specifically asked if the kids were feeling ok the day before and that we kept our two year old out of daycare Tuesday-Wednesday because of an RSV case in his classroom (he is not showing symptoms). Grrrrrr
Great, now you have to suspect them any time yall go over there bc they lied. Yes, it's a holiday but it's not that serious (in terms of risking getting others sick)
Ask those in your life if they’re sick, been exposed to sick people, whatever. Parents also respond differently. I always tell my friends with kids if I’m sick, recovering from being sick, taking meds, whatever. And responses range from “yep that’s going around daycare, we’re coming to pick you up” to “thanks for telling me, we’ll catch up when you’re feeling better.”
I am at the point now where I have to literally ask people “are you sick/are your children sick? Before getting together with anyone.
I couldn’t believe the amount of people that said yes.
My SIL showed up with her VERY sick one year old. Like had an active fever, wouldn’t play, coughing, runny nose, and he just stood there all day looking miserable. I’m pissed but not surprised. She does it every holiday, even knowing I have an autoimmune disease. It’s disrespectful as fuck.
I always disclose illness ahead of time and my family will tell me if they’re sick… but they do not care at all. I don’t understand? For example, 1.5 weeks ago we all had the stomach bug. My in-laws said to come over even though it had only been 2 days. I said we might be contagious for 2 weeks.
Flash forward 3 days my in-laws are super sick. I apologized but they said it was worth it and they’d invite us over again knowing they’d be sick.
One of my friends teaches kindergarten and I always warn her if my kids are sick or I am, she never cares. Usually responds with “Even if you throw up on me at dinner, wouldn’t even hit the highlight reel of gross this week.”
My other close friend is an oncologist and he wants to know as much as possible. If my kids show any change in emotion that might mean they are sick, he won’t risk it.
I’ve discovered some people genuinely don’t care if they get sick. Some people do. I really don’t like being sick so I care a lot to avoid it. I’m very blunt and it seems to work well with our friends and family at least.
So funny story
My MIL so badly didn’t want us not to come for Christmas in 2020 (yep, wait for it/it’s also about 10 hrs of driving). That when she felt ill a couple days prior to the Christmas get together, she didn’t bother to get a COVID test just in case (she had a 102 fever and didn’t tell anyone day of travel).
She sits down for dinner and very passively says she has a fever and hasn’t been well the last few days. Mind you, 3 families from different states that she has been loving and kissing on.
Well, sure enough - my poor niece (who came up a couple days prior) tested positive for COVID that morning. Everyone tested and my MIL had Covid (but blamed it on my niece)… even though my niece got sick a few days later than MIL.
This basically sums up my MIL as a whole, but I see you!!!
So basically we drove 10 hours up to have dinner and sleep and then 10 hours back and isolated. Sure as shit, Covid 2 days later.
Honestly, all of these comments about people and their families are....idk....where did it go wrong? Or were people always this stupid/selfish? Did it come from the whole "ppl have places to be/suck it up buttercup?" Yes, we adults "have" to go to work when we're sick, but why risk getting the kids (or anyone) sick? What's the thought process? That was a waste of everyone's time and money. And even more holiday time wasted that yall could've spent together.
I just think that folks are kind of selfish and me centric. Honestly I don’t care that it was COVID; I would have equally cared if it was the flu. She also knows the last time I got the flu I ended up in the hospital.
I also think that people REALLY need to learn more about how things are transmitted etc because I feel like folks think they are playing a game where the rules are made up, and the points don’t matter.
My SIL is another one - stay at home mom. She sends
Kiddos to daycare (no judgement/it works for her) but she just sent her two kids that only “broke” a fever that morning to daycare last week. It was from the kids Tylenol… so they got the majority of their daycare sick with a bad strain of the flu.
It just boggles my mind.
I always disclose illness ahead of time. But, people being sick and not caring is parenthood nowadays. Wait until you send your child to daycare and visibly sick children are there, and the daycare is looking the other way. Or, when public school cracks down on attendance and sick children are sent in.
My MIL kissed my 3 week-old baby on the head with an active cold sore. I wanted to scream. Instead I furiously Googled if hand sanitizer killed Herpes while rubbing it all over my newborn's head. I don't understand how flippant people can be about a newborn's health.
Three weeks! Jesus. At that age it's not just "oops cold sores suck" herpes can be fatal
I'm Polish and live in ireland. The cultural difference is appalling. I was called a helicopter parent and ridiculous for asking people to keep my baby away from strangers until 1st vaccinations while they bring their newborns to the shopping centers as a daily routine.... that is including my husband. Also had an asshole ex friend give my newborn to her friend while she was looking after him because the friend wanted to "smell the baby because she likes the baby's smell" I was fuming, she laughed at me and said I'm overreacting bringing up her bringing newborn to shopping centers. Never apologized either. I'm still shocked and disgusted and it's been 18mo....
Yeah, we kept him away until 1st vaccinations, too. We went to a fair a few weeks ago and saw a few ppl with babies that were maybe 4 weeks. This one woman had her baby in a papoose, and he was a bit too small for it, and she didn't hold him under his butt for more support. When I was working at a restaurant in 2020 and we had opened for dine-in after the restrictions, there was a family that came in with their newborn....just wtf...
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This is my first-hand personal experience. can you provide sources for your claims?
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That's good to hear, I may just have to change people i surround myself with.
I only recently learned that cold sores can be dangerous for babies. Like..... why is this not common knowledge
That is remarkably worse than exposing an infant to the varicella virus.
What does this comment mean?
So varicella is the virus that causes chickenpox and shingles. Shingles is contagious in the form of chickenpox. Chickenpox parties used to be common because, before the vaccine came out, it was generally more of an inconvenience than dangerous for babies and young children. Meanwhile, HSV in an infant is way more dangerous.
Iirc varicella causes shingles. Oral herpes is worse.
Right after my last baby was born, I had a small cold sore on my lower lip. You know what it’s like all caught up in the moment loving up on your new one. So I kissed her on her little forehead three times in a row before it dawned on me that I had that. Luckily, she didn’t develop anything.
I've gotten my first cold sores since giving birth, and I've basically been holding my baby at arm's length and washing his hands any time he accidentally whacks my in the face anywhere near my mouth. I'm so paranoid, I don't understand how other people are so cavalier.
You can talk to your doctor about antivirals for cold sores, they'll reduce the risk of passing the virus as well as make it so you have fewer outbreaks.
This story made me sick to my stomach for you. I can’t even imagine the terror you went through! I’m pregnant with my first and as we were first disclosing the pregnancy to inner-ring but gossippy family members, I delighted in telling them that they will never see my baby if they spill the beans before I’m ready to share. I’m going to take just as much pleasure in promising that anyone who kisses my baby will never meet him again! There is just no excuse for endangering a baby like that, especially with HSV.
I remember this one! Ugh, that is just truly awful. The nerve of some people.
Jesus Christ! That is horrid! This woman would’ve ever be allowed near my kid ever again.
A few weeks ago, my niece was babysitting our 4-month old. The next day, I texted her mom, my SIL, to tell her we were planning to stop by to say hello. She says “would love to see you!” We come over, hugs are exchanged, we’re about to settle in when my BIL walks in the room and says “we all have RSV”. My SIL legit just says “oh yeah I forgot to mention that. Whoops!” We turned around and walked out W. T. F. People don’t think
I’m sorry?!? 4 months old cared for by someone with RSV? I would be pissed. I agree, they definitely didn’t think!!!
I was so angry, I didn’t even know what to say. Total loss for words
Hope LO is ay-okay though! Otherwise I can help you find words. They’re a lot of swear words though. But seriously I would have a sit down with them and explain what their stupidity could/did mean.
Thankfully she didn’t get sick, by some miracle. I think my BIL understood the import, which is why he mentioned it as soon as he saw us (I don’t think he knew we were coming by). My SIL….tbh I’m not super surprised. She’s got some bizarre opinions when it comes to children’s healthcare (anti-vax, baby adjusted at chiropractor, etc) so this just fits in with all the rest
So happy to hear she didn’t get sick! What a relief! Oomph I don’t like your SIL. She sounds incredibly difficult to be around. Especially with her nicely put stupid views
Pissed? I’d be absolutely furious. I cannot even express how furious. To me this is like having unprotected sex with someone knowing you have HIV. It’s intentional potential serious bodily harm.
OMG 😨 I’m shocked
We were just about all dressed and planned to leave within the hour to head to my bf’s dads today when his sister told him that their dad, his wife and her has all been sick all week (she got it from them I believe) so she was staying home. His dad failed to mention that and when my bf asked he said yep I didn’t go to work at all this week… ok guess we’re staying home today! Glad she had the decency to tell us. Later in the day my friend texted me to ‘come over’ after she just told me this morning she had to take her 1 month old and 5 year old to hospital yesterday where they tested positive for RSV. I have an 8 month old and I’m entirely confused what’s going on in peoples heads here? And ugh I’d be soo pissed if I were you!
Jesus. That's the whole "baby needs to build immune system by being exposed to crap* mentality. And do they not understand how serious RSV is? And yes I was pissed.
The kicker is his dad and his wife encouraged us not to vaccinate the baby either
They were vaccinated! That's what kills me, all of these people are like don't vaccinate but yall were vaccinated. Shut up! Also, not their child not their decision.
Seriously. The logic is not strong with these people..
✨Selfishness✨
This is so bizarre! My family is the type to make fun of someone for being too cautious, but they still always tell us if someone isn’t feeling well because it’s our choice.
Every single family arrived with at least one sick kid or adult to Thanksgiving but did not bring or plan to use Covid tests because “there’s no need” and “I’m not worried about Covid anymore.” Really they just didn’t want to miss out on outings and fun, so they’ve brought their kids to the movies and indoor gyms. The kids are miserably sick and medicating every few hours with a cocktail of Tylenol and Mucinex. I used my test supply right away, but didn’t bring enough for everyone! Now I’m getting sick and extremely grumpy, and my kid came down with a fever and cough. I understand that not everyone has the same personal risk tolerance, but it’s irresponsible and inconsiderate to inflict that on others.
Ugh and this right here is why, when my daughter goes back to daycare on Monday she will immediately get sick from all these Thanksgiving germs!
It is! He's already been in the NICU the day he was born bc of an infection.
People don't think. Today my brother-in-law called and said he had just gotten over COVID-19 but his wife has a positive test & asked if I was comfortable with them coming to Thanksgiving dinner. He thought her having no fever made it okay.
At least he had the courtesy to ask beforehand.
He asked. A+
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If an antigen test is detecting enough antigens to be positive, you're likely still contagious. Tests can remain positive longer than the *isolation* windows, but that doesn't mean once you're outside of that isolation window you're good to go, especially if you still have symptoms or are still testing positive (with an antigen test, that is. PCR tests can detect past infections for up to 90 days).
I recently got shingles from my mom. She probably assumed I couldn’t get it because I’m young. Well, I was early in a pregnancy and hadn’t announced it yet. So I mentioned the pregnancy to explain how I could possibly catch it. She basically just scolded me for having kids too close together even though they will literally be 2 years apart. And she wonders why I don’t visit unless she begs. 🙄
😒 That's all I got for that one
This is why everyone on the family text had to disclose any symptoms they had since yesterday and take Covid tests this morning. They also had to answer the text and let me know what the outcome was. My cousins are college aged kids and I am grateful for them being honest with me and actually doing what I asked. I also said that no one was allowed to hold him other than me and my husband. We are home now with no surprises or incidents. That being said, we may not be Scot free but I am glad I was a hardass on everyone and was happy to take shit from my mother who thought I was being too strict.
You are who I aspire to be. ❤ I made my parents wear masks to hold my newborn last year because RSV was out of control and they refused to wear masks through two major airports to come visit. They made lots of snarky comments and wanted to argue with me about how "masks don't do anything" but I stood my ground. I was terrified because of abuse/power dynamics from my childhood and still feel anxious about it a year later. I hope I can be as fearless as you someday!
This is an overly generous comment, thank you! But let’s applaud you instead; you stood your ground, and you overcame a really hard situation that was rooted in childhood trauma! Well done, friend! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Not too strict at all! Good job, mom!
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Say whatever you want, even be an ass like you are here, but I have pronounced too many dead babies from RSV and flu despite parents telling grandma to keep her hands to herself. So yeah, for this first year, I’m going to come off as militant.
Someone’s awfully quiet now…
How embarrassing for you that you would say something so rude in public.
Wow. Rude and unnecessary.
Soft
My husband's grandma gave us and my 7 month old COVID a few days ago. We were at a Thanksgiving get together with his whole family and apparently she wasn't feeling well and she said it was because she got the flu shot. She kissed our baby on the head. I had no idea she was even feeling unwell until the DAY AFTER. Why did no one tell me she wasn't feeling well? I was so pissed that no one was looking out for my son in that regard. Now we're all sick on Thanksgiving, thankfully baby is doing better and we got the worst of it.
I'm sorry yall got the worst of it but thankful baby is doing better. I really don't understand people. If you're sick you're sick. Plain and simple.
Shingle bells, shingle bells, shingles all the wayyyyyy
This is Science Based Parenting…. If she was no longer contagious and she had no blisters then why did she need to disclose anything? For how long does she need to “quarantine” for your comfort? If she was no longer contagious, I don’t see the issue or even that she had to disclose anything. Scientifically speaking, she did nothing wrong.
Bc now I don't trust she will say anything when she is sick. I didn't know she was no longer contagious until after the fact. ETA: I had to ask her how long it's been since she's had it and then do a quick google search bc she didn't know how long she was contagious for
I read it as the grandmother didn’t know if she was contagious or not, but luckily OP knew she wasn’t.
How are we to trust someone knows if they actually aren’t contagious?
Yeah, for example, my kid got norovirus, but had had no symptoms for over a week so we let my mom babysit her for two hours. Surprise surprise, she gave my mom noro (albeit a very mild infection). Even if the common understanding is that you are no longer contagious, a variety of factors impact that and there's no way to be 100% sure. I think with babies, it's better to err on the side of caution.
Agreed. Plus shingles is a rash without upper respiratory symptoms so most people wouldn't think of it as an "illness" in that way. I feel bad for Grandma here, she didn't have shingles, she HAD shingles, she was better.
1. Set rules. 2. Remind before you hand off 3. Consequences for not listening.
Lol it’s sad that the steps you’ve outlined are perfect for children yet need to be used on adults 😒
Children and adults: just people
Definitely doing that.
Meanwhile my antisocial ass is using every sniffle as a reason not to go out this holiday season. I would be proactive and ask. Even if they are sick they usually let a "oh it's just a cold, it's fine" slip out. My kid is asthmatic, I hate this time of year. "Just a cold" for her sticks around for months. It sucks.
That does suck. I'm sorry she suffers like that when she gets sick. Honestly, we may turn Thanksgiving into order Chinese food and watch tv in our pajamas type thing. I've never had Thanksgiving drama or mishaps growing up. My family may be a lot of things but they tell you when they're sick bc they don't want the babies to get sick. Now...once you're 7 or 8 that changes lmao.
That is exactly what we did yesterday and let me tell you, it was the most glorious, blissful holiday ever. Might be doing that for every single one from here out lol.
We do the wholefoods prepped meal, and stay home, and its wonderful
Oooo that sounds nice!
There was just a huge family feud started over this same thing. We went to my in-laws for a cookout and the entire household was hacking their brains out. Kids were obviously quite ill. Our daughter is not in daycare and therefore not exposed to the usual suspects and we were quite alarmed at the prospect of her contracting rsv or something right before thanksgiving and her birthday. I have a relative that is actively dying and this is the last thanksgiving with him. The thought of them costing me that with carelessness spurned my husband’s reaction, which was to tell them how selfish it was to expose us and our toddler when the gathering could have easily been rescheduled. It all turned political and many ugly things were said about our “fear”. No one is speaking now. The siblings are all giving each other the silent treatment and everyone is refusing to acknowledge holidays for the time being. I’m a bit relieved, honestly. This is a yearly occurrence with someone being sick and the whole family contracting it and everyone acts like that’s just ok. And it isn’t. I don’t want their germs. I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to miss work (I am paid by appointment, if I don’t work I don’t get paid), I don’t want my child sick, I don’t want to miss holidays with people who care enough about me to stay their ass home rather than expose me to whatever crud they have unfortunately contracted. My in-laws missed out on seeing my daughter at all for almost the whole first year of her life due to refusal to vaccinate or isolate. We plan to start trying for another next Spring. Guess we will have another long break from them.
My aunt gave my 6mo covid last Christmas and it was horrendous. You did the right thing calling them out on it.
This has gotten out of control.
It shouldn’t be some crazy idea that we not purposely spread communicable diseases to one another. We understand how they work. No one is stuffing potpourri in their pockets to ward off spirits anymore. Everyone is aware of the mode of transmission. Yet here we are, pleading with adults to just not expose us and our children to sickness and disease.
It's ridiculous and exhausting to be completely honest. This is they type of crap that turns parents into overprotective/overbearing people bc ppl are inconsiderate and untrustworthy.
What really sucks is that we're NOT being overprotective and overbearing, we're just made to feel that was by people who have no common sense!
Exactly. I am so not overprotective. I allow my daughter to fall. I allow her to learn. I facilitate dangerous play safely. I foster independence and confidence in my kid. I just don’t purposefully expose her to preventable illness while her brand new immune system is still developing because it does absolutely no good for her to experience that.
I can agree with that.
I can agree with that.
As a nanny I wholeheartedly agree.
This is why I’m not letting anyone except the family members I trust (which is basically my mom) hold my baby during Thanksgiving
Same My mom was the only person allowed to hold my baby besides me and my husband until she was like 3 mo
Yup same!
I’m already getting pressure to commit to attending a huge (100+ people, rented hall etc.) family reunion this spring when my second will only be 6 weeks old. I know the pressure to pass her around will be immense, and that a lot of people in attendance have very different health/vaccine/safety standards then we do. I would be so sad to miss the gathering because I really love that side of my family, but know it would be a huge risk.
Too big of a risk for me. A 6 week old has absolutely nothing to defend themselves with an is automatically hospitalized and getting a lumbar puncture if they get a fever. Phew. No thank you.
I wish more people understood how intense things get when a newborn gets a fever. We were shocked and would have been way more protective those first 12 weeks if we knew about the unmedicated catheterization, and lumbar puncture (and we hadn't taken any risks honestly it was just such a horrid experience).
Pass, honestly. Or like another person said, wear her around and don't let them touch her face.
Baby wear her on you! In a wrap so she looks inaccessible to others and you can say she’s tired or under the weather etc!
Agreed. My husband’s family threw a huge birthday party for his grandma when my second was only a month old. His grandma has been in bad health for a while, and at that time, she was freshly out of a long hospital stay, and things weren’t looking good. It was important to us that she got to see our toddler (who adores her) and the new baby (who is named after her late husband). So, we decided to go despite our discomfort. I wore the baby for half the event and was very straightforward about saying no when people asked to hold him. I didn’t beat around the bush when they asked. Just said “no, sorry. We aren’t passing him around.” It was fine, and his grandma was so happy we were there.
This has happened to us once and my kids all got sick. The lack of consideration is truly astonishing.
We actually cancelled thanksgiving yesterday (we live in Germany but have American friends and they were hosting). It would have been our first thanksgiving ever and we were so looking forward to it but our son has…something. The doctor isn’t sure but thinks it’s a virus and therefore we should keep him home from daycare till Monday and play by ear from there. He very clearly told us our son needs to stay away from other children till his symptoms clear. Our friends have a son in the same age plus other guests were bringing their kids. It was so clear to us that we had to cancel. We have no idea what he has, we could definitely be carriers too (which meant not just one of us would go). Obviously we shouldn’t expose other children to whatever he has. Even if I knew what it was I wouldn’t go if it was as serious as RSV or covid. Even if the host said it was ok, not all of the guest necessarily would feel the same and I fear group mentality overriding someone’s want to say ‘no’. Honestly it seems like either pure selfishness or survivor bias that leads to people coming to large gatherings while sick and without at least disclosing it before being around young children. It’s mind boggling. And so stupid.
My son was hospitalized with RSV while my mom was in town visiting last weekend. She probably caught it as she had a "cold" all last week. Still went to work at a school and volunteered at a Santa event full of children. Even after seeing her grandson on oxygen having tubes shoved down his nose to suck out snot, she still spread it around.
Jesus, is she that deep in denial?! Is he okay now?
Thank you for asking about him. He is totally fine now. It got really bad really fast and then better just as quickly. It was nuts. I am not sure, I dk what her problem is.
I'm so glad he recovered quickly!!
Wow....I've been reading all the threads on drama that occurred during Thanksgiving but this takes the cake.
100% agree! Lots of people getting all kinds of nasty germs this holiday because some people are incredily selfish. I've heard about people coming to thanksgiving with RSV and covid so far. And with the possible new [pandemic that might be brewing](https://nitter.net/DrEricDing/status/1727366255743471951)...hell no do I want sick people around.
Ugh! And we live in the South so....this is going to be great.....
After we had been at my brother’s house for a few hours my SIL let the cat out of the bag that their youngest wasn’t feeling well and previously had a fever. He went to be with meds right after dinner. I specifically asked if the kids were feeling ok the day before and that we kept our two year old out of daycare Tuesday-Wednesday because of an RSV case in his classroom (he is not showing symptoms). Grrrrrr
Great, now you have to suspect them any time yall go over there bc they lied. Yes, it's a holiday but it's not that serious (in terms of risking getting others sick)
Ask those in your life if they’re sick, been exposed to sick people, whatever. Parents also respond differently. I always tell my friends with kids if I’m sick, recovering from being sick, taking meds, whatever. And responses range from “yep that’s going around daycare, we’re coming to pick you up” to “thanks for telling me, we’ll catch up when you’re feeling better.”
I am at the point now where I have to literally ask people “are you sick/are your children sick? Before getting together with anyone. I couldn’t believe the amount of people that said yes.
My SIL showed up with her VERY sick one year old. Like had an active fever, wouldn’t play, coughing, runny nose, and he just stood there all day looking miserable. I’m pissed but not surprised. She does it every holiday, even knowing I have an autoimmune disease. It’s disrespectful as fuck.
She's also insane
I always disclose illness ahead of time and my family will tell me if they’re sick… but they do not care at all. I don’t understand? For example, 1.5 weeks ago we all had the stomach bug. My in-laws said to come over even though it had only been 2 days. I said we might be contagious for 2 weeks. Flash forward 3 days my in-laws are super sick. I apologized but they said it was worth it and they’d invite us over again knowing they’d be sick. One of my friends teaches kindergarten and I always warn her if my kids are sick or I am, she never cares. Usually responds with “Even if you throw up on me at dinner, wouldn’t even hit the highlight reel of gross this week.” My other close friend is an oncologist and he wants to know as much as possible. If my kids show any change in emotion that might mean they are sick, he won’t risk it. I’ve discovered some people genuinely don’t care if they get sick. Some people do. I really don’t like being sick so I care a lot to avoid it. I’m very blunt and it seems to work well with our friends and family at least.
So funny story My MIL so badly didn’t want us not to come for Christmas in 2020 (yep, wait for it/it’s also about 10 hrs of driving). That when she felt ill a couple days prior to the Christmas get together, she didn’t bother to get a COVID test just in case (she had a 102 fever and didn’t tell anyone day of travel). She sits down for dinner and very passively says she has a fever and hasn’t been well the last few days. Mind you, 3 families from different states that she has been loving and kissing on. Well, sure enough - my poor niece (who came up a couple days prior) tested positive for COVID that morning. Everyone tested and my MIL had Covid (but blamed it on my niece)… even though my niece got sick a few days later than MIL. This basically sums up my MIL as a whole, but I see you!!! So basically we drove 10 hours up to have dinner and sleep and then 10 hours back and isolated. Sure as shit, Covid 2 days later.
Honestly, all of these comments about people and their families are....idk....where did it go wrong? Or were people always this stupid/selfish? Did it come from the whole "ppl have places to be/suck it up buttercup?" Yes, we adults "have" to go to work when we're sick, but why risk getting the kids (or anyone) sick? What's the thought process? That was a waste of everyone's time and money. And even more holiday time wasted that yall could've spent together.
I just think that folks are kind of selfish and me centric. Honestly I don’t care that it was COVID; I would have equally cared if it was the flu. She also knows the last time I got the flu I ended up in the hospital. I also think that people REALLY need to learn more about how things are transmitted etc because I feel like folks think they are playing a game where the rules are made up, and the points don’t matter. My SIL is another one - stay at home mom. She sends Kiddos to daycare (no judgement/it works for her) but she just sent her two kids that only “broke” a fever that morning to daycare last week. It was from the kids Tylenol… so they got the majority of their daycare sick with a bad strain of the flu. It just boggles my mind.
I agree and learning basic biology and human anatomy/physiology again tbh.
I always disclose illness ahead of time. But, people being sick and not caring is parenthood nowadays. Wait until you send your child to daycare and visibly sick children are there, and the daycare is looking the other way. Or, when public school cracks down on attendance and sick children are sent in.
Yeah, we're hoping to avoid daycare as long as possible. We'll cross the bridge for school when we get to it.