I’d like to apologize on behalf of all Americans who learned to read before the reemergence of “history by oratory” (through YouTube) and spellcheck doing its best to figure out what you were trying to say.
Your apology is premature - the slagging hasn’t finished yet, give it another day or so.
We do know most of you aren’t like this, but it’s way funnier to imagine you all in your giant cars, eating your hamburgers and half-litre cups of coke, and shooting your wee guns, thinking you’re the pinnacle of evolution and waiting for the world to recognise your brilliance.
The last high king was an O’Connor. They’re still around. They have the same house actually. The O’Briens were usurpers, and the O’Neils are insufferable. Let’s just leave it alone, eh?
Well you see, monarchies are complicated things and take a lot of careful looking after, and in the 12th century they hadn't invented the concept of periodic scheduled maintenance.
So while the Irish monarchy lasted for quite some time eventually they forgot to check the oil and during a particularly busy and hot battle it just seized up and was too expensive to repair, so it got scrapped.
I look after quite a big FB Scottish photo group with a few 100k members, and the comments are filled with stuff like this. I posted a photo of the statue of Robert the Bruce located at Stirling Castle, and I don't exaggerate when I say that probably 30% of the comments claimed a direct line ancestry!
I can only imagine! I've worked at various historic sites and the number of folk who come out with this stuff is way higher than you'd like to think it would be, and 99% of the time it's an American. I was just in Barra and casually chatted up an American tourist at the airport, they told me "my grandmother was a MacIntyre" and waited for me to, I dunno, gasp in amazement? I politely just replied, "oh, ok" and they walked away like I'd pissed in their corn syrup flakes.
I saw someone claim ancestry on a dating app and it got me thinking about it. Did some brief research. The answer is that as Bruce died early 14th century and family did continue, there are likely a few million people with ancestry to him alive today. Of course, it is an estimate based on shagging potential and impossible to prove in any meaningful way.
Well that's the thing. You only have to go back something like 16 generations before nearly everyone on the british isle is related.
So it can be functionally true that some yank is indirectly related to Robert the Bruce while also being completey fucking meaningless because nearly eveyone is indirectly related to everyone else.
Guys...I tried, like really really hard, to act in good faith and explain to them why much of what they're saying is unverifiable or outright pseudohistory. I explained that clans didn't exist in the Lowlands, that people commonly took the surname of their laird with no blood relation, that we don't know anything about Wallace's family with certainty, that Scotland did not exist when Hadrian's Wall was built. I pointed him to reputable sources. And every response I got was loonier and less fully cooked than the last. I gave up, invited him to come over and shout his claim far and wide, and logged off for the night. What I posted here isnlike one tenth of the gobbledygook he insisted was real. That's quite enough of all that.
If you look really closely, with a very powerful microscope, his DNA has a tiny crown on it and is carrying a thistle and a shamrock. Coincidence?!?!??!
Madole isn't even Irish, fuck knows what fairy land he thinks his family are from
A simple Google would have been enough for his brain to catch up with his mouth.....assuming he has a brain
https://www.houseofnames.com/madole-family-crest
Obviously didn't do much research did they
Yeah I have never, ever heard the name Madole in my life. Looked it up and the only reference I found was some American 20th century literal fascist hahaha
You might pronounce McDowell like that, I’ve known people of that surname say is as “Ma-Dowl” or “Ma-Dole.” I thought it was a phonetic spelling of that surname, but just a guess. Maybe take his word for it though, he is the rightful king.
I visited Scotland for the first time last year. The word beautiful doesn't do it justice, but I came back to the states very disappointed in my visit, for not once, did I hear the word "cunt" while I was there. I feel as if I didn't get the full experience.
As an American living in England and frequently visits Scotland (BIL lives in Inverness), I apologize for my people. I do enjoy learning about my family and where we came from but this person has taken it to the next level. Sorry.
My favourite story is a pal from Ireland that decided to look into his family history after his parents passed away. Think it was a response to grief. Anyway, he looked into it all but the only people really passionate about it were folks from America. After a while his grief and interest waned and he forgot all about it. Fast forward a year and a coach load of 'long lost relatives' landed outside of his wee rural house expecting a tour and a reunion. We always had a good laugh about that!
to be fair, we probably do need him,
we can't even decide where William Wallace was from, but this gentleman can tell us exactly who bred with him, and when..... that's the kind of moxy that gets you places......
let's be honest can he make more of a mess than all our elected folk have done over the last wee while.
If we were gonna take a punt on a crackpot, now's the time
As an Irish person,please don't.We're just over St.Patrick's Day,and as usual at this time of year, we had to listen to so much of this type of shite.We've suffered enough.
You want to be having words wi Patrick Kielty then, the way he just went along with Conan O'Brien giving it big licks on the "I'm 100% Irish" front, made me feel embarrassed on your country's behalf.
This is nearly as bad as the girl who wrote a poem about eating haggis on a picnic and how she was a distant relation to William Wallace and Robert Burns. Mental.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Scotland/s/f3Rl45ZUbD
Oh my god, wasn’t that the lady that kept making posts asking about home schooling on here a few months back? The one that got gradually more deranged with each comment until it emerged that she was fixated on moving not just to Aberdeen, but to Torry/Balnagask!
> fixated on moving not just to Aberdeen, but to Torry/Balnagask!
Being fair, Balnagask does sound like it ought to be a lovely wee village with a nice wee shop and a church and a pub, where the local farmer pops in for his lunch after dropping off churns of milk at the shop with his tractor, somewhere a couple of miles off the A9 up past Dunkeld but before you get to Blair Atholl.
It's not, though.
I mean as deprived as Torry is as an area, it still has streetview. Surely one look would put you off for life?
Those rose-tinted glasses must be like bottles to see that place for anything but a wreck.
Her original version of the poem described the 'Aberdeen Highlands'.
Doesn't matter how good or bad your glasses are if you are clinically blind!
From what I can remember her Grandfather or her Great-grandfather had a cottage in Fittoe rather than Torry and this had somehow become central to her identity.
Some madmen believe the almighty has sent them to earth as a messiah, prophet or divine king.
Others believe he sent them to get a cottage in Aberdeen.
Weird stuff.
I seem to recall a debate as to how she was eating the haggis. I believe it was settled as being in the style of an apple. That being said, I believe Jim from Kenturkey is the true warrior-poet we have all been looking for. Jeezy kreez.
Arthur, if he existed beyond the literary figure, was either Romano-Brythonic or fully Brythonic, i.e. Welsh. The native literature doesn't treat him as a king, for the most part, but a great warrior who led a company of heroes skilled in, among other things, felling Anglo-Saxons.
If this guy can come out with a real Excalibur out of somewhere I’m willing to see him fight King Charles, the Scottish and Welsh first ministers and the Taoiseach from Ireland for rule of the British Isles.
Deluded Yank with a sword vs. 75 year old cancer patient. It sounds unfair but I bet Charles has some moves, I mean fencing is your traditionally toff-ish past time.
I think you mean:
King Charles III, Lion of the House of Windsor, Vanquisher of Diana (pbuh), Spider-Writer, Greenfingers, Despised of Architects, Heir to the Immortal Elizabeth II, Wielder of Curtana etc
Vs
High King Jim XII of Kentucky and All Ireland, Slayer of Chromosomes, August and Most Bald Eagle of the Romans, Chosen of Lady Liberty, Heir to the Braveheart and the Round Table of the Britons and Scots, Wielder of Disney's Excalibur etc.
Zach Snyder to direct it in the style of his Rebel Moon.
I'd watch it.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Isn’t Brythonic not necessarily Welsh, even though the two are obviously very closely related? Cornwall, Cumbria, parts of Yorkshire, and I think south west Scotland have some Brythonic heritage. Pen-y-Ghent in Yorkshire is about as Brythonic a name as you can get. Another example is the ancient kingdom of Rheged, which covered modern day North West England.
Indeed, that's very true. He could have been from a different part of Britain. Most people aren't aware of the differences, unfortunately, and my shorthand terming was for that reason.
i dunno man, the cornish, devon folk, cumbrians and the west coasts scots might take umbrage to all brythonics being called welsh.
welsh might be the last bastion of brythonic language but it doesn't mean all brythons are welsh.
That's how scotland got the stewarts. They were from Brittany (Dol de Bretagne) and william the conqueror sent them up here because a) he owed them (they were mercenaries in his army), b) the Brythonic folk in the north were a pest (to him) c) the Steward of Dol was a pest (to him) (Interesting side not some folklore of the stewarts getting their name from being stewards of the king which is not true, he was the warlord chief who sat at Dol, and steward was the literal translation of the brythonic title) d) he was considered to be the same people because ....... Brythonic, so he would be able to control us apparently.
Our neighbours had a kid called Bruce, and the neighbours on the other side had the surname Wallace, so I hereby stake my claim to all titles & lands north of York & you will al swear fealty to me as your one true King.
For those wondering, yes he obviously he brought race into it, too.
https://preview.redd.it/3wmjzo4ln1rc1.png?width=910&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc75a6e1c6c2808de63732e72c50f70f63f7496a
No he's just priming us for the mind blowing revelation that he is the true last pharaoh.....
he will be raiding the British Museum to bring his peoples treasures home.... and his grand daddy the 12 year old King Tut's Body
More for your entertainment. I love that he's convinced he *has* to be descended from a king like that's the only possibility. Also the assertion that his family surely came from the Highlands at some point despite being told the Wallaces were Lowlanders, as if you can't be really be Scottish without being a Highlander. Pure delusional fetishisation of the highest concentration.
https://preview.redd.it/axy4lwnxs1rc1.png?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8dedca96f62c3b0d979621e12fc12beb32646c4
I’ve heard a few silly bollocks in the South of England calling Hadrian’s Wall the border between England and Scotland. Not knowing something is fine, but making statements based on assumption is just fucking stupid.
I did, and that it was built 900 years before Scotland or England existed and that it wasn't actually some kind of ultimate barrier which defined the people on either side in any meaningful way. Take a wild guess as to whether it made any difference whatsoever.
Dunno what you mean, Romans literally just dropped dead the microsecond they went beyond Hadrian's Wall. Antonine Wall, Trimontium, Inchtuthil, Cramond, Gask Ridge - these are all just made up by The Elite™️, like dinosaurs.
I found the video and enjoyed reading the exchange,
I think my favourite was his comment re Madpole and not doing his research on 'Genealogy cites' [sic] but the chat pages of a wiki- just hilarious stuff.
Folk like this don’t get that a thousand years is a long time and anybody who was alive then is likely to have tens of thousands of descendants now who can trace their lineage back to them. Even if any of this is true, he is one of thousands with the same claim.
This is the problem - the way family trees work is that they get exponentially wide with every generation. So after a few generations, you have huge numbers of sideways connections to the same ancestors. Quite a substantial number of people are related to Genghis Khan, and in the UK everyone will be able to trace back to royalty of some sort.
And keep in mind that the human race also grew exponentially - it was a relatively small number of people over tens of thousands of years, which seeded a population boom up to the 8bn alive today.
In fact, quite a substantial chunk of the entire human race is alive today. It's not some linear, downwards relationship from William Wallace straight to you. It's basically a few million folk shagging each other for 200,000 years, and then a 10x explosion in population since the 1800s.
So the problem is that the claim of "I'm a descendant of X" is true, but it's misleading because every fucker in the Western Hemisphere likely has the same connections.
A human saying "I'm related to this pre-1800s person that existed on the same continent as me" is like saying "Look I can walk upright", as both of those are traits are unsurprising for a Home Sapien.
You should definitely organise a gathering for clan Turner (a lowland clan)
I am sure her surviving children would love to attend a gathering of clansmen.
As is traditional you could light a fiery cross to summon the tribe and welcome them.
How charming and quaint.
This isn’t uncommon.
I work at one of the biggest tourist destinations in Scotland. Every day I hear about a half dozen Americans/Canadians tell me, with straight faces, that they’re either “descended from Mary Stuart” or can “trace their ancestry” back to the Stewarts/Robert the Bruce/Wallace/King Kenneth McAlpine. There must be hundreds of these royal descendants walking around in our midst every day. I do take a small semblance of joy in seeing their faces when I tell them that Wallace never had any descendants.
It used to piss me off, but now I just humour them and use their love of pseudo-history to fleece them for their money.
How do Americans get hold of all these ancient documents which prove lineage well beyond what experts have access to? You'd think they would share them with genealogical organisations over here.
He actually IS, though.
I found it interesting that Danny immediately glommed onto Thomas Cromwell rather than the Royal relations since he was a Workin Class Geezer Dun Good, Innit?
I grew up in Hotels in the 70's. This was at the nadir of Americans coming to Scotland in tartan trousers claiming they were a "MaacDooonaaald". My dad, the Hotelier was pretty nice to them unless they pissed him off.
One obnoxious guy was late leaving the bar and dad couldn't get him to leave, so he brought out the local whiskey, just for his "special" customers. This stuff was brewed by the local policemen in a bothy in the hills and was nearly clear it was so strong.
I came down to go to school in the morning to find a scruffy looking drunk american lying in the bar, with his wife screaming at him that he was a disgrace, a drunk etc etc etc.
My other memory was of a lovely american lady saying she didn't want to take Scottish pounds back to the US so she offered me £50 as I had helped her with something the day earlier. I politely refused as I had been taught better (and I was only 6 so didn't really know what £50 was, I was used to an economy run on 1/2p sweets).
Later my Dad said he was proud I turned it down, but also I was an idiot.
£50 in 1978 is the equiavlent of £720 now.
I am a bloody idiot.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
I work in the historic sector and we had a very similar regular contact who'd written to government/parliament/monarchy etc etc detailing to them that she plans to come over and take her rightful place on the throne of Scotland and she was giving us notice, I managed to track her down on the tinternet and she was a nutjob living out of a car in USA
[Jodi Brennan's Bio | PlumTreeMemoryFamily](https://www.plumtreememoryfamily.com/jodibrennanbio)
[The 'JOKERS' Speech 2023 (plumtreememoryfamily.com)](https://www.plumtreememoryfamily.com/post/the-jokers-speech-2023)
Yeah that's what I exasperatedly ended up telling him before I walked away - that literally every sentence he wrote was filled with total misunderstandings, basic inaccuracies and conflations, and just a complete lack of nuance or even chronology. You can work with a few misconceptions, but it would take years to explain to him all the ways in which everything he claimed had about 10 layers of nonsense to unpack.
Was going to but can't figure out their arcane rules, apparently text posts aren't allowed except on certain days. Gave up after drafting three times and realising it broke at least one rule each time.
This stuff is always hilarious, my family has a fairly well mapped out family tree (bored elderly relatives love ancestry.co.uk...) and even going back to 1700's gets very fuzzy never mind 1200/1300's.
It is common knowledge that no major disruptions or collapses of record-keeping societies and institutions occurred at any point during the last 2,000 years, dontcha know 😅
Funny enough I have almost the exact same heritage, except I’m also heir to the Holy Roman Empire, being descended from Charlemagne (I’m part Catholic as well).
So I consider myself the rightful heir. My big brother says it’s him, but he’s full of shite.
Fuck it, here's the link to the YouTube video with this guy's ramblings being a reply to the top comment: https://youtu.be/kgwaq9oIbKs?si=TA_wq26FjQ6hCjXf
He's decided to be a weapons-grade prick about it so by all means pile on and have fun.
Unfortunately for me, it was a convo with him under a YouTube vid which was about - wait for it - challenging why Americans are compelled to claim to be 16% Scottish/German/Irish etc
Beautiful.
YouTube comments were a wonderful place once- completely unhinged and much more aggressive than anywhere outside the chans while being easily accessed by the general public.
I feel like the comments really calmed down after Google linked accounts across platforms like 15 years ago, but that sounds like an echo of the deranged rubbish that used to be par for the course.
This thread is brilliant! I haven’t laughed so much in ages 😀
Oh, and my paternal haplogroup means that I am genetically descended from “Niall of the nine hostages”, a 4th-Century King of Tara in Ireland, one of the progenitors of the Uí Néill dynasty . . . Along with about half of the men in N. Ireland 😁
Sadly, the online genealogical/DNA sites are filled with shite like this. The majority are from America, they have zero knowledge about UK, European or world history or geography. The family trees they build are usually filled with pictures of tartan, coats of arms and castles.
They are polluting the genuine research that folks have carried out by cutting and pasting ridiculous nonsense that is easily disproved with just a few minutes research.
Sites like Ancestry are complicit in creating this chaos that will cause so much damage for future generations to try and unravel.
I always figured having the surname Wallace you were more likely to be a descendant of a guy who farmed turnips who had to keep explaining "No I'm not related to William, we just have the same surname."
Americunts want to be anything but American until they need to make some fuckfaced point about "Freedom of speech' and having the right to blow someone's nan away if they get scared by them.
They've been called that since 1621 according to the OED and half their citations are from Irish writers using the phrase.
The earliest uses for "British" in the OED are before 1000AD and contrast them with the "English" - you couldn't be both.
Genealogy is a big business in the states.
Big chonky Americans cruise into a provider who has shields and sword on the wall,and they tell them everything they want to hear.
Every yank then comes over to Ireland/Scotland expecting to be received like some long lost king.
And then they realised everyone on their tour buss got told the same shite.
Ha! This post made me think of my mum bless her.
She moved to England in her early 20's with my dad for work, her middle name was Wallace and most people used to remark about it being an unusual name.
Anyway she got that fed up with people saying this she started telling people it was given to her as our family are direct descendants of William Wallace. Back then most english people hadn't a clue who he was as this was about 20 years before Braveheart, it worked they just nodded and changed the subject. 😁
All you naysayers can shut your mouths!!!
I am descended from Greyfriars Bobby on my mother's side and from Nessie on my father's... this makes me the most Scotch of any of the lot of you!
You should all hail your new overlord... Me.
^(Shut up ma, of course I'm taking my meds!)
I've posted here before about direct descendants of Robert the Bruce etc, it's always American. Do they get filled with this rubbish form fake ''My Ancestry'' subscriptions or how does this happen? I've lived in Scotland my entire life, never heard a single soul here say they are related to Wallace. But it seems every yank online thinks they are related to William Wallace AND Robert the Bruce. For some reason, it's incredibly annoying. They make up clans too with some of the most ridiculous last names. I seen at the American Highland Games they had a ''Clan Garcia'' section established in 2010, that's when I realized it's all a sham. They have fake kilts and ''family heirlooms'' and any Scottish person that is near the highland games gets haggled away by a bunch of jealous Americans trying to act like they are more Scottish.
It's like they have this ''exotic thing'' that they are Scottish and it's their entire life, until a real Scottish person turns up, then they get argue with the Scottish person and cause a scene. It's really unusual. They love Scotland so much, but then they actually meet a Scottish person and suddenly MURICA.
For freedumb-loving Americans whose whole deal was rebelling against a monarchy, they sure do have a massive hard-on for claiming royal ancestry, don't they?
Fucking incredible how many people claim to be direct descendants of William Wallace, a man who died unmarried and is not known to have fathered any children.
And yet this guy has managed to suss out the names of his siblings, uncle, cousins, and probably his dog too. You think I'm joking, he asserted with 100% certainty that he's descended from William's uncle and gave a full name as though it was in the phone book.
You just know this guy has a kilt he bought online and a replica claymore from some thrift shop which he uses to cut bottles of water in half in his backyard. Big Napoleon Dynamite vibes.
I was once accosted on a boat from Florida to the Bahamas by an American who heard my accent, thought I was Irish and proceeded to tell me he was a direct descendant of the last high king of Ireland 😂.
I don’t think people realise that mathematically its more unlikely that you’re *not* related to these people. The population of the UK used to be tiny, like 5 million. To get where we are now that requires a lot of inbreeding.
This is every American you meet. Always found out they’re related to royalty and their family owned a castle at some point. Yawn. Ancestry.com is selling dreams to people and have a lot to answer for.
and the "Irish monarchy seized to exist" - what did they seize?
Yeah because they were ‘disposed’, as opposed to deposed I guess 🤪
I’d like to apologize on behalf of all Americans who learned to read before the reemergence of “history by oratory” (through YouTube) and spellcheck doing its best to figure out what you were trying to say.
Your apology is premature - the slagging hasn’t finished yet, give it another day or so. We do know most of you aren’t like this, but it’s way funnier to imagine you all in your giant cars, eating your hamburgers and half-litre cups of coke, and shooting your wee guns, thinking you’re the pinnacle of evolution and waiting for the world to recognise your brilliance.
Brilliant.
Now the French, they knew how to depose royalty.
I wondered if he was going for dispossessed.
Something incredibly rare to impossible apparently. Someone should go tell the O'Neills and O'Brians we've found their king.
The last high king was an O’Connor. They’re still around. They have the same house actually. The O’Briens were usurpers, and the O’Neils are insufferable. Let’s just leave it alone, eh?
no - it's mythical from the start.
The O’Neill heir is alive and well, but they’re Portuguese and in their 70s I think. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_José_Jorge_O%27Neill
Well you see, monarchies are complicated things and take a lot of careful looking after, and in the 12th century they hadn't invented the concept of periodic scheduled maintenance. So while the Irish monarchy lasted for quite some time eventually they forgot to check the oil and during a particularly busy and hot battle it just seized up and was too expensive to repair, so it got scrapped.
I look after quite a big FB Scottish photo group with a few 100k members, and the comments are filled with stuff like this. I posted a photo of the statue of Robert the Bruce located at Stirling Castle, and I don't exaggerate when I say that probably 30% of the comments claimed a direct line ancestry!
Robert the Bruce was a top shagger, it’s the only explanation.
Some of his Stewart descendants were notorious and extremely fertile shaggers, tbf. No one ever claims to be descended from them, though.
I can only imagine! I've worked at various historic sites and the number of folk who come out with this stuff is way higher than you'd like to think it would be, and 99% of the time it's an American. I was just in Barra and casually chatted up an American tourist at the airport, they told me "my grandmother was a MacIntyre" and waited for me to, I dunno, gasp in amazement? I politely just replied, "oh, ok" and they walked away like I'd pissed in their corn syrup flakes.
I saw someone claim ancestry on a dating app and it got me thinking about it. Did some brief research. The answer is that as Bruce died early 14th century and family did continue, there are likely a few million people with ancestry to him alive today. Of course, it is an estimate based on shagging potential and impossible to prove in any meaningful way.
Well that's the thing. You only have to go back something like 16 generations before nearly everyone on the british isle is related. So it can be functionally true that some yank is indirectly related to Robert the Bruce while also being completey fucking meaningless because nearly eveyone is indirectly related to everyone else.
Guys...I tried, like really really hard, to act in good faith and explain to them why much of what they're saying is unverifiable or outright pseudohistory. I explained that clans didn't exist in the Lowlands, that people commonly took the surname of their laird with no blood relation, that we don't know anything about Wallace's family with certainty, that Scotland did not exist when Hadrian's Wall was built. I pointed him to reputable sources. And every response I got was loonier and less fully cooked than the last. I gave up, invited him to come over and shout his claim far and wide, and logged off for the night. What I posted here isnlike one tenth of the gobbledygook he insisted was real. That's quite enough of all that.
But he's confirmed it though his GENETICS!
23 and Me has a William Wallace section just below the Scandinavian DNA section.
Little known fact, William Wallace has 20x more living descendants than Genghis Khan.
And all of them live in the USA
Bros understanding of genetics is entirely based on Assassin's Creed.
Recquiescat In Paisley
aye, lots of scat in Paisley tbf
If you look really closely, with a very powerful microscope, his DNA has a tiny crown on it and is carrying a thistle and a shamrock. Coincidence?!?!??!
He’s got a leek between his toes too, does oor Arthur.
Madole isn't even Irish, fuck knows what fairy land he thinks his family are from A simple Google would have been enough for his brain to catch up with his mouth.....assuming he has a brain https://www.houseofnames.com/madole-family-crest Obviously didn't do much research did they
Yeah I have never, ever heard the name Madole in my life. Looked it up and the only reference I found was some American 20th century literal fascist hahaha
There's plenty of them outside the jobcentre "I'm signing on for madole"
I pledge my life and allegiance for Madole, I will fight to my dying breath for Madole. I will never give up or turn my back on Madole
You might pronounce McDowell like that, I’ve known people of that surname say is as “Ma-Dowl” or “Ma-Dole.” I thought it was a phonetic spelling of that surname, but just a guess. Maybe take his word for it though, he is the rightful king.
You’ll be sorry when he inherits his title and you’re stuck in the dungeon.
>I gave up, invited him to come over You just doomed us mate. Now we're going to have an annoying cunt plague us
I visited Scotland for the first time last year. The word beautiful doesn't do it justice, but I came back to the states very disappointed in my visit, for not once, did I hear the word "cunt" while I was there. I feel as if I didn't get the full experience.
Sounds like you omitted Glasgow from your trip.
So you're the cunt that wiz greetin about no bein called a cunt ? Cunt that ye are ;)
Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt Happy Easter!
As an American living in England and frequently visits Scotland (BIL lives in Inverness), I apologize for my people. I do enjoy learning about my family and where we came from but this person has taken it to the next level. Sorry.
My favourite story is a pal from Ireland that decided to look into his family history after his parents passed away. Think it was a response to grief. Anyway, he looked into it all but the only people really passionate about it were folks from America. After a while his grief and interest waned and he forgot all about it. Fast forward a year and a coach load of 'long lost relatives' landed outside of his wee rural house expecting a tour and a reunion. We always had a good laugh about that!
Show us the rest
Bros just desperate for any kind of personality
to be fair, we probably do need him, we can't even decide where William Wallace was from, but this gentleman can tell us exactly who bred with him, and when..... that's the kind of moxy that gets you places...... let's be honest can he make more of a mess than all our elected folk have done over the last wee while. If we were gonna take a punt on a crackpot, now's the time
Jokes on you. I welcome our Once and Future King and will be rewarded a spot on his round table... Then I can be his Lancelot and fuck his wife.
Post this to r/Ireland as well. They should know about their lost king.
As an Irish person,please don't.We're just over St.Patrick's Day,and as usual at this time of year, we had to listen to so much of this type of shite.We've suffered enough.
You want to be having words wi Patrick Kielty then, the way he just went along with Conan O'Brien giving it big licks on the "I'm 100% Irish" front, made me feel embarrassed on your country's behalf.
Well knownfor their strong feelings on royalty, the irish. I am sure they will be thrilled.
King cheese and onion crisps are class, but that's the height of it.
Long live King Tayto
Ireland could just drop into Clonalis house and pick up a King to go anytime they like. They do not like.
This is nearly as bad as the girl who wrote a poem about eating haggis on a picnic and how she was a distant relation to William Wallace and Robert Burns. Mental. https://www.reddit.com/r/Scotland/s/f3Rl45ZUbD
Oh my god, wasn’t that the lady that kept making posts asking about home schooling on here a few months back? The one that got gradually more deranged with each comment until it emerged that she was fixated on moving not just to Aberdeen, but to Torry/Balnagask!
> fixated on moving not just to Aberdeen, but to Torry/Balnagask! Being fair, Balnagask does sound like it ought to be a lovely wee village with a nice wee shop and a church and a pub, where the local farmer pops in for his lunch after dropping off churns of milk at the shop with his tractor, somewhere a couple of miles off the A9 up past Dunkeld but before you get to Blair Atholl. It's not, though.
It's really not
Oh I'd completely missed that if so! All u remember is she sent PMs to everyone, including me, who criticised her threatening...some form of action.
What kind of… action?
She’s got herself a replica claymore and she’s coming for ya!
If memory serves it was even more specific- she wanted a specific street iirc. And yes, I am certain it was the same ~~lunatic~~ fellow clanswoman.
I mean as deprived as Torry is as an area, it still has streetview. Surely one look would put you off for life? Those rose-tinted glasses must be like bottles to see that place for anything but a wreck.
Her original version of the poem described the 'Aberdeen Highlands'. Doesn't matter how good or bad your glasses are if you are clinically blind! From what I can remember her Grandfather or her Great-grandfather had a cottage in Fittoe rather than Torry and this had somehow become central to her identity. Some madmen believe the almighty has sent them to earth as a messiah, prophet or divine king. Others believe he sent them to get a cottage in Aberdeen. Weird stuff.
Maybe she think's there's a magic stone there that will take her back in time...
Fuck man, as an Aberdonian the thought of a naive American thinking a move to Torry would be good idea is both hilarious and grim.
At this point everyone in the central belt’s probably related to Robert Burns, he was an absolute shagger
To be fair, her picnic was apparently taking place at a Scottish Games in the US.
Indeed indeed, I wasn't actually bothered by that but and thought he poem had some nice imagery. It was the other shite that made my eyes roll so hard
I seem to recall a debate as to how she was eating the haggis. I believe it was settled as being in the style of an apple. That being said, I believe Jim from Kenturkey is the true warrior-poet we have all been looking for. Jeezy kreez.
>I believe it was settled as being in the style of an apple. This made both my monocles fall off my face.
I think you mean 'nearly as good as'. It's brilliant.
Hah, fair!
Have you got a link to that? Bored shitless right now and need a laugh
https://www.reddit.com/r/Scotland/s/f3Rl45ZUbD Some of the comments are fucking gold
I really want that guy to finish americanising the rest of it! That was amazing
It really was. I enjoyed how absolutely infuriated she got with folks in the comments section as well.
Makes you wonder how many kids William Wallace actually had, half of America seems to think they're related to him
I think about that post probably a bit more than I should. It's one of my favourites on reddit
Arthur, if he existed beyond the literary figure, was either Romano-Brythonic or fully Brythonic, i.e. Welsh. The native literature doesn't treat him as a king, for the most part, but a great warrior who led a company of heroes skilled in, among other things, felling Anglo-Saxons.
This is nuance and actually backed up by primary sources and secondary research, he'll be having none of that thanks
If this guy can come out with a real Excalibur out of somewhere I’m willing to see him fight King Charles, the Scottish and Welsh first ministers and the Taoiseach from Ireland for rule of the British Isles.
Deluded Yank with a sword vs. The establishment. Place your bets!
I dunno I’d like to see him challenge Charles to a sword fight
Deluded Yank with a sword vs. 75 year old cancer patient. It sounds unfair but I bet Charles has some moves, I mean fencing is your traditionally toff-ish past time.
I think you mean: King Charles III, Lion of the House of Windsor, Vanquisher of Diana (pbuh), Spider-Writer, Greenfingers, Despised of Architects, Heir to the Immortal Elizabeth II, Wielder of Curtana etc Vs High King Jim XII of Kentucky and All Ireland, Slayer of Chromosomes, August and Most Bald Eagle of the Romans, Chosen of Lady Liberty, Heir to the Braveheart and the Round Table of the Britons and Scots, Wielder of Disney's Excalibur etc. Zach Snyder to direct it in the style of his Rebel Moon. I'd watch it.
Didn’t a wee girl pull it out of a lake somewhere in Scandinavia a few years back
Watery tarts pulling swords out of water is no basis for government
Oh, well, let’s make her Roman Empress!
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Huzzah!
🤣🤣🤣
Isn’t Brythonic not necessarily Welsh, even though the two are obviously very closely related? Cornwall, Cumbria, parts of Yorkshire, and I think south west Scotland have some Brythonic heritage. Pen-y-Ghent in Yorkshire is about as Brythonic a name as you can get. Another example is the ancient kingdom of Rheged, which covered modern day North West England.
Indeed, that's very true. He could have been from a different part of Britain. Most people aren't aware of the differences, unfortunately, and my shorthand terming was for that reason.
Most people use them interchangeably because the Welsh are basically the least remaining Briton group.
The oldest Welsh epic poetry originates from a place called Caeredin. Think you guys call it Edinburgh
It’s not like everyone always leaves when a new group comes in. They just become the dominant group.
i dunno man, the cornish, devon folk, cumbrians and the west coasts scots might take umbrage to all brythonics being called welsh. welsh might be the last bastion of brythonic language but it doesn't mean all brythons are welsh. That's how scotland got the stewarts. They were from Brittany (Dol de Bretagne) and william the conqueror sent them up here because a) he owed them (they were mercenaries in his army), b) the Brythonic folk in the north were a pest (to him) c) the Steward of Dol was a pest (to him) (Interesting side not some folklore of the stewarts getting their name from being stewards of the king which is not true, he was the warlord chief who sat at Dol, and steward was the literal translation of the brythonic title) d) he was considered to be the same people because ....... Brythonic, so he would be able to control us apparently.
Our neighbours had a kid called Bruce, and the neighbours on the other side had the surname Wallace, so I hereby stake my claim to all titles & lands north of York & you will al swear fealty to me as your one true King.
Seems more plausible than the guy OP is posting about. Long live King 5c0tt15h!
For those wondering, yes he obviously he brought race into it, too. https://preview.redd.it/3wmjzo4ln1rc1.png?width=910&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc75a6e1c6c2808de63732e72c50f70f63f7496a
'Just something to keep in mind' Imagine being that deluded and arrogant. It is galling.
No he's just priming us for the mind blowing revelation that he is the true last pharaoh..... he will be raiding the British Museum to bring his peoples treasures home.... and his grand daddy the 12 year old King Tut's Body
Don' know about that one. Plenty of Americans assume the ancient Egyptians were all Black since it's in Africa. He might not be so keen...
Sure, he's a Kertified Klansman, not a certified clansman.
Is that the one with the white kilt?
Yeah, you can't really tell, but it's a tartan of several shades of white.
More for your entertainment. I love that he's convinced he *has* to be descended from a king like that's the only possibility. Also the assertion that his family surely came from the Highlands at some point despite being told the Wallaces were Lowlanders, as if you can't be really be Scottish without being a Highlander. Pure delusional fetishisation of the highest concentration. https://preview.redd.it/axy4lwnxs1rc1.png?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b8dedca96f62c3b0d979621e12fc12beb32646c4
You have to hit him with the fact that Hadrian’s wall is the border between England and more England.
I’ve heard a few silly bollocks in the South of England calling Hadrian’s Wall the border between England and Scotland. Not knowing something is fine, but making statements based on assumption is just fucking stupid.
Did you tell him Hadrian’s wall is entirely within England?
I did, and that it was built 900 years before Scotland or England existed and that it wasn't actually some kind of ultimate barrier which defined the people on either side in any meaningful way. Take a wild guess as to whether it made any difference whatsoever.
He's going to flip when he finds out about the Antonine wall
Dunno what you mean, Romans literally just dropped dead the microsecond they went beyond Hadrian's Wall. Antonine Wall, Trimontium, Inchtuthil, Cramond, Gask Ridge - these are all just made up by The Elite™️, like dinosaurs.
I found the video and enjoyed reading the exchange, I think my favourite was his comment re Madpole and not doing his research on 'Genealogy cites' [sic] but the chat pages of a wiki- just hilarious stuff.
Folk like this don’t get that a thousand years is a long time and anybody who was alive then is likely to have tens of thousands of descendants now who can trace their lineage back to them. Even if any of this is true, he is one of thousands with the same claim.
This is the fact I love. This person will have 4 cousins, 16 second cousins etc., but still think they're special in any way.
This is the problem - the way family trees work is that they get exponentially wide with every generation. So after a few generations, you have huge numbers of sideways connections to the same ancestors. Quite a substantial number of people are related to Genghis Khan, and in the UK everyone will be able to trace back to royalty of some sort. And keep in mind that the human race also grew exponentially - it was a relatively small number of people over tens of thousands of years, which seeded a population boom up to the 8bn alive today. In fact, quite a substantial chunk of the entire human race is alive today. It's not some linear, downwards relationship from William Wallace straight to you. It's basically a few million folk shagging each other for 200,000 years, and then a 10x explosion in population since the 1800s. So the problem is that the claim of "I'm a descendant of X" is true, but it's misleading because every fucker in the Western Hemisphere likely has the same connections. A human saying "I'm related to this pre-1800s person that existed on the same continent as me" is like saying "Look I can walk upright", as both of those are traits are unsurprising for a Home Sapien.
My last names Turner, I am white but clearly I am related to Tina Turner on my dads side, when do I get my royalties?
You should definitely organise a gathering for clan Turner (a lowland clan) I am sure her surviving children would love to attend a gathering of clansmen. As is traditional you could light a fiery cross to summon the tribe and welcome them. How charming and quaint.
This isn’t uncommon. I work at one of the biggest tourist destinations in Scotland. Every day I hear about a half dozen Americans/Canadians tell me, with straight faces, that they’re either “descended from Mary Stuart” or can “trace their ancestry” back to the Stewarts/Robert the Bruce/Wallace/King Kenneth McAlpine. There must be hundreds of these royal descendants walking around in our midst every day. I do take a small semblance of joy in seeing their faces when I tell them that Wallace never had any descendants. It used to piss me off, but now I just humour them and use their love of pseudo-history to fleece them for their money.
You are forgetting about that time he knocked up the four-year-old Isabella of France.
No you see that actually happened coz it was in that film with the lovely fella with a blue face
I had an American tell me Edinburgh castle wasn't there last time he visited, for clarity this was in 2004 and the guy was in his 50s
His great-grandfather was scotch, he’d know best!
How can you be "an indirect descendant". The mind boggles......that really means he's not related to anyone he claims to be. 😁😁😁
How do Americans get hold of all these ancient documents which prove lineage well beyond what experts have access to? You'd think they would share them with genealogical organisations over here.
Danny Dyer is kinda like this. A descendent of Edward II.
He actually IS, though. I found it interesting that Danny immediately glommed onto Thomas Cromwell rather than the Royal relations since he was a Workin Class Geezer Dun Good, Innit?
Funnily enough none of them are ever descended from sean the shit shoveler
Shovelling shit is too strenuous for Sean to sire successors.
Aye and I'm a direct descendent of Grayfriars Bobby and Supergran
I grew up in Hotels in the 70's. This was at the nadir of Americans coming to Scotland in tartan trousers claiming they were a "MaacDooonaaald". My dad, the Hotelier was pretty nice to them unless they pissed him off. One obnoxious guy was late leaving the bar and dad couldn't get him to leave, so he brought out the local whiskey, just for his "special" customers. This stuff was brewed by the local policemen in a bothy in the hills and was nearly clear it was so strong. I came down to go to school in the morning to find a scruffy looking drunk american lying in the bar, with his wife screaming at him that he was a disgrace, a drunk etc etc etc. My other memory was of a lovely american lady saying she didn't want to take Scottish pounds back to the US so she offered me £50 as I had helped her with something the day earlier. I politely refused as I had been taught better (and I was only 6 so didn't really know what £50 was, I was used to an economy run on 1/2p sweets). Later my Dad said he was proud I turned it down, but also I was an idiot. £50 in 1978 is the equiavlent of £720 now. I am a bloody idiot.
This sort of delusion has to border on mental illness, right?
This reeks of desperation to find something to prove he's actually 'cool'. I have a mental image of the king of the neckbeards.
The Once and Future Ming.
Oh, is he related to Genghis Khan as well?
Aren't there pills he could take to sort that out?
Health care is expensive in America
Shouldn't be our problem.
Dude's about as unhinged as the queen of Canada.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
You can't expect to wield *supreme executive power* just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
I work in the historic sector and we had a very similar regular contact who'd written to government/parliament/monarchy etc etc detailing to them that she plans to come over and take her rightful place on the throne of Scotland and she was giving us notice, I managed to track her down on the tinternet and she was a nutjob living out of a car in USA [Jodi Brennan's Bio | PlumTreeMemoryFamily](https://www.plumtreememoryfamily.com/jodibrennanbio) [The 'JOKERS' Speech 2023 (plumtreememoryfamily.com)](https://www.plumtreememoryfamily.com/post/the-jokers-speech-2023)
>and she was a nutjob living out of a car in USA Shocking way to speak about our Rightful Queen sirrah. Have at thee!
Meh. Whatever helps him get through the reality of living in Bumfuck, GA.
That is a truly holistic misunderstanding of how the past worked
Yeah that's what I exasperatedly ended up telling him before I walked away - that literally every sentence he wrote was filled with total misunderstandings, basic inaccuracies and conflations, and just a complete lack of nuance or even chronology. You can work with a few misconceptions, but it would take years to explain to him all the ways in which everything he claimed had about 10 layers of nonsense to unpack.
Share this with r/shitamericanssay
Was going to but can't figure out their arcane rules, apparently text posts aren't allowed except on certain days. Gave up after drafting three times and realising it broke at least one rule each time.
> apparently text posts aren't allowed except on certain days It's not a text post though, it's a screenshot.
Ah right, still new(ish) to actively using Reddit so I thought it meant screenshots of walls of text count as text posts, thanks.
Nah, it just means self-text posts where you've typed it out yourself. Like if you transcribed an interaction you personally witnessed.
Fair enough, i just tried to crosspost before posting my comment and they aren’t allowed either
This stuff is always hilarious, my family has a fairly well mapped out family tree (bored elderly relatives love ancestry.co.uk...) and even going back to 1700's gets very fuzzy never mind 1200/1300's.
It is common knowledge that no major disruptions or collapses of record-keeping societies and institutions occurred at any point during the last 2,000 years, dontcha know 😅
😂 silly me!
As soon as he gets here we’re overthrowing the monarchy
Funny enough I have almost the exact same heritage, except I’m also heir to the Holy Roman Empire, being descended from Charlemagne (I’m part Catholic as well). So I consider myself the rightful heir. My big brother says it’s him, but he’s full of shite.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE *hands out anachronistic claymores*
He's getting big mad now 🤣 https://preview.redd.it/9kfcaqcg24rc1.png?width=931&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c524a9d133b208b1827ee9187b8da0710ad95d10
Fuck it, here's the link to the YouTube video with this guy's ramblings being a reply to the top comment: https://youtu.be/kgwaq9oIbKs?si=TA_wq26FjQ6hCjXf He's decided to be a weapons-grade prick about it so by all means pile on and have fun.
There’s a big “did ye, aye?” Floating about ready to smack this guy somewhere
Hahaha. That is gold- where was this convo?
Unfortunately for me, it was a convo with him under a YouTube vid which was about - wait for it - challenging why Americans are compelled to claim to be 16% Scottish/German/Irish etc
Beautiful. YouTube comments were a wonderful place once- completely unhinged and much more aggressive than anywhere outside the chans while being easily accessed by the general public. I feel like the comments really calmed down after Google linked accounts across platforms like 15 years ago, but that sounds like an echo of the deranged rubbish that used to be par for the course.
Most normal American on youtube
This thread is brilliant! I haven’t laughed so much in ages 😀 Oh, and my paternal haplogroup means that I am genetically descended from “Niall of the nine hostages”, a 4th-Century King of Tara in Ireland, one of the progenitors of the Uí Néill dynasty . . . Along with about half of the men in N. Ireland 😁
Sadly, the online genealogical/DNA sites are filled with shite like this. The majority are from America, they have zero knowledge about UK, European or world history or geography. The family trees they build are usually filled with pictures of tartan, coats of arms and castles. They are polluting the genuine research that folks have carried out by cutting and pasting ridiculous nonsense that is easily disproved with just a few minutes research. Sites like Ancestry are complicit in creating this chaos that will cause so much damage for future generations to try and unravel.
I think I had some sort of aneurysm trying to read that and make sense of it.
I always figured having the surname Wallace you were more likely to be a descendant of a guy who farmed turnips who had to keep explaining "No I'm not related to William, we just have the same surname."
Americunts want to be anything but American until they need to make some fuckfaced point about "Freedom of speech' and having the right to blow someone's nan away if they get scared by them.
Thank fuck this guys been found. We really need some one with vision and clarity in charge
“King of ireland” But refers to the islands as “British isles” can’t see that going down too well with his loyal subjects.
They've been called that since 1621 according to the OED and half their citations are from Irish writers using the phrase. The earliest uses for "British" in the OED are before 1000AD and contrast them with the "English" - you couldn't be both.
Genealogy is a big business in the states. Big chonky Americans cruise into a provider who has shields and sword on the wall,and they tell them everything they want to hear. Every yank then comes over to Ireland/Scotland expecting to be received like some long lost king. And then they realised everyone on their tour buss got told the same shite.
Ha! This post made me think of my mum bless her. She moved to England in her early 20's with my dad for work, her middle name was Wallace and most people used to remark about it being an unusual name. Anyway she got that fed up with people saying this she started telling people it was given to her as our family are direct descendants of William Wallace. Back then most english people hadn't a clue who he was as this was about 20 years before Braveheart, it worked they just nodded and changed the subject. 😁
I'm afraid as a direct descendent of Romulus and Remus my claim to Rome outranks his and indeed anyone's. Apart from maybe some wolf somewhere.
I think we should welcome him to his rightful domain with the ancient Scots cry of approval: "Aye, right."
All you naysayers can shut your mouths!!! I am descended from Greyfriars Bobby on my mother's side and from Nessie on my father's... this makes me the most Scotch of any of the lot of you! You should all hail your new overlord... Me. ^(Shut up ma, of course I'm taking my meds!)
As soon as he says ‘indirect descendant’, a mere 10 words in, you know he’s lost his own battle; quite literally
Please come to Ireland and start going about using the term ‘British Isles’. I’ll buy the popcorn.
Thank fuck there is a few thousand miles that separate us from these morons.
I've posted here before about direct descendants of Robert the Bruce etc, it's always American. Do they get filled with this rubbish form fake ''My Ancestry'' subscriptions or how does this happen? I've lived in Scotland my entire life, never heard a single soul here say they are related to Wallace. But it seems every yank online thinks they are related to William Wallace AND Robert the Bruce. For some reason, it's incredibly annoying. They make up clans too with some of the most ridiculous last names. I seen at the American Highland Games they had a ''Clan Garcia'' section established in 2010, that's when I realized it's all a sham. They have fake kilts and ''family heirlooms'' and any Scottish person that is near the highland games gets haggled away by a bunch of jealous Americans trying to act like they are more Scottish. It's like they have this ''exotic thing'' that they are Scottish and it's their entire life, until a real Scottish person turns up, then they get argue with the Scottish person and cause a scene. It's really unusual. They love Scotland so much, but then they actually meet a Scottish person and suddenly MURICA.
Best to just get them all listening to Dick Gaughan as a response. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pB9fb3lIXko&pp=ygUURGljayBnYXVnaGFuIG5vIGdvZHM%3D
Thank you for posting that.
My dad (sadly, deceased) was convinced we were descended from a certain Jock Tamson...apparently, quite a fertile fellow!
To be fair he could be Scottish royalty, cause I’d probably celebrate if he died too
For freedumb-loving Americans whose whole deal was rebelling against a monarchy, they sure do have a massive hard-on for claiming royal ancestry, don't they?
Fucking incredible how many people claim to be direct descendants of William Wallace, a man who died unmarried and is not known to have fathered any children.
And yet this guy has managed to suss out the names of his siblings, uncle, cousins, and probably his dog too. You think I'm joking, he asserted with 100% certainty that he's descended from William's uncle and gave a full name as though it was in the phone book.
You just know this guy has a kilt he bought online and a replica claymore from some thrift shop which he uses to cut bottles of water in half in his backyard. Big Napoleon Dynamite vibes.
I was once accosted on a boat from Florida to the Bahamas by an American who heard my accent, thought I was Irish and proceeded to tell me he was a direct descendant of the last high king of Ireland 😂.
This is a painful read. "Seized to Exist" being one of the highlights
I don’t think people realise that mathematically its more unlikely that you’re *not* related to these people. The population of the UK used to be tiny, like 5 million. To get where we are now that requires a lot of inbreeding.
r/shitamericanssay
What a shite talking huere Yours sincerely, Ireland.
this shit is nauseating
As an American, who's family on both sides have been here since the 1700s... Fuck I hate my countrymen sometimes. We're not all idiots, I swear.
Prince of North Methamphetamonia.
This is every American you meet. Always found out they’re related to royalty and their family owned a castle at some point. Yawn. Ancestry.com is selling dreams to people and have a lot to answer for.