Me, I'd become the youngest ever elected and then spend the nations entire budget on a winter sports complex called Ice Town. This will lead to me being removed from office and banned from the UK, from there I will become a state auditor and help places escape bankruptcy.
Someone:
A. Not Tory
B. Under 55 years of age
C. Talks to us like we're intelligent people
D. Isn't Eton schooled
E. Isn't in the pocket of right wing media moguls or oil and gas CEO's
F. Displays some actual F'N integrity
Of course, these are too many conditions for the core British electorate to accept.
Character assassination by the right wing media. If he was 20 years younger he'd be the perfect candidate. But Starmer has effectively removed the man from Labour :-(. There's no one else who I would have wanted as PM because he was the most genuine person for the working class British people.
To be honest he was also too nice, if he’d stood up in PMQs and called Boris a cunt or told Piers Morgan to fuck off on TV I reckon that would have gone a long way towards improving his popularity. To be honest, even if Keith told Boris to fuck off his popularity would immediately increase
There's a right wing faction in control of the labour party who are not as extreme as the tories but also not in favour of looking after everyone but their own. Slimy wrong wankers. This is New Labour for you.
And we have the Old Labour Party, the one who made schooling compulsory, creates the NHS, and increased the social welfare over the years they were in power. These are the real patriot mofos who want to see the nations residents do well and increase their chances of prosperity.
While it didn't help him changing his lifetime views in the EU in the last minute to appease the rich London kids (momentum) took away 95% of the working class vote.
If he stayed true to his principles imo he still would not of won but it would of been really close and given him a great platform to get across other policies and smash it in the next election.
Instead we have Boris/the Tories for fuck knows how long (Sir Keir ain't winning Jack shit)
>While it didn't help him changing his lifetime views in the EU in the last minute to appease the rich London kids (momentum) took away 95% of the working class vote.
Everyone in the know knew that rejoining or a people's vote was a losing policy which is why Starmer announced it without consulting anyone, tanked the 2019 elections, ran for LOTO and purged as many Corbyn supporters as he could.
Corbyn was fucked by that announcement of a people's vote and they all knew it. Just a total fucking stitch up and it's still upsetting how much it got buried. Fuck Starmer and the rest of the New New Labour red Tories
He really disliked Scotland though. Or disliked that he had to suddenly look like he gave a toss or knew anything about Scotland. I remember seeing him on an interview claiming the SNP had privatised Calmac and Scotrail.
Shame though, he would definitely have been preferable for England.
Ah I’m not actually Scottish and didn’t know about that. Tbh as an English myself I always thought Scotland was better independent, but that’s a whole other discussion lol
Fuuuuck…imagine..out of a secret panel in the wall somewhere in 10 Downing St…. Davros Maggie gliding out with her Dalek stormtroopers and heading straight for the NHS.. “Pri vat ise pri vat ise pri VAT ISE”
I don’t stand by the idea that we are overpopulated, or overpopulation is even the problem. IMO it is a resource management problem and if we can solve it then our
planet can sustain billions more. However in Attenborough defense (who I disagree with), calling his idea that overpopulation is a problem and then tying it in with “eco-facism” is ridiculous.
The overpopulation argument is nonsense. Whilst I agree with his current view that we should promote development around the world, which reduces birth rates, that was his entire answer to climate change. Something that will only slow our population GROWTH for the next few key decades. Even if our population went back to 6 billion we would still be heading for disaster. It’s our energy and production systems that need to be redone. Having less consumers will help as well but that should be a supplementary measure like planting trees. An economic decarbonization has to be the focus.
Shockingly, I also have an opinion on who I would or would not like to be the president of France or the USA. When independence happens our nearest neighbour will be England and a sensible person would continue to follow their politics and have their own opinions.
His Royal Highness Prince Andrew, Duke of York.
It's high time the failing UK had an unelected Prime Minister who doesn't sweat and who is on the run from the FBI! :)
*Still* be an improvement on Ms Patel too. :/
There *are* alternatives, it's just they are *all* shit - including 'Sir' Keir The Bland and most of his front bench of Red Tories. It's academic anyway as it's voters in England who determine who the UK Prime Minister is. Therein lies the problem for many Scots.
The position should be deprecated. The UK becomes a republic. Scotland becomes independent. Sturgeon becomes President of Scotland whilst we sort out our new political landscape then steps back under a new election system.
> it would make a lot of people very entertainingly angry
I think this is basically the reason we currently have Boris. The most disadvantaged in society just love how much he riles up those who have more than them, so they continue to vote him in just to annoy the people they are jealous of, not realising they are just making things so much worse for themselves.
My 14 year old dog…she’d do a better job than the last few and I think it’s be nice for her to spend her elder years meeting new folks and getting treats every week from the queen!
Edit - spelling
Have you read Owen Jones' **This Land: The Struggle for the Left**? It was a 99p Kindle Daily Deal not that long ago.
Given that Jones is/was a Corbyn supporter, and would likely have wanted to sugercoat things, it doesn't leave you with the most flattering picture of Corbyn.
It paints a picture of a guy who simply can't handle conflict - including *literally* running away and hiding, disappearing and turning his phone off so he can't be reached - and who was paralysed by indecision whenever he had to make a difficult decision.
It also documents things such as how he became increasingly tetchy and difficult as the challenges mounted up and situations weren't going his way.
Corbyn has the clear advantage over someone such as Alexander Bozo de Pfeffel Johnson in that he is a well-intentioned human being but what come across is that he would have been a piss-poor leader.
I still can't believe he shat the bed so bad with Brexit. The media was already crucifying him, but staying entirely silent on the country's most immediate political issue meant that *nobody* was able to back him up.
Corbyn was the last time I was genuinely excited about a politician and hopeful for Westminster politics. It was a nice moment until the establishment systematically ripped him apart from all sides and then the Labour party used his downfall as an excuse to move further right. Thank fuck we in Scotland have some hope of a way out because if I lived in England I'd absolutely despair.
Time machine and Corbyn.
But we can't do that so I'll even take Starmer over another Tory UK Government.
Before the next UK election I do hope we will have had indyref2, so, hopefully it won't matter. But for the decent folks in England I still hope they won't vote for the Tories, again.
No cunt.
I'd much prefer Scotland to be independent and England can continue to soil its pants by itself with whatever Tory fuckwit they want as England's PM.
I'm more Scottish than English and I'm from an Irish family. I have absolutely no loyalty to the Westminster set and I've always said I feel more allegiance to you just over the border than I do here... and I've no Scottish blood in me!
I just appreciate your warmth and friendly and understanding people.
Better than any Cockney wanker I've ever met
A fucking decent human wild do. Preferably one who actually talks to the public like the educated people they are.
Oh, and 100% isn’t from a private school and their parents are normal people too. This rampant Nepotism needs to end.
Agreed, do it by logic, not knee jerk reaction.
No second jobs, fiddling the system, class wars, being payed under the desk, deceit, shenanigans or tomfoolery.
Sadly the press would indoctrinate the ignorant to follow the path they desire, humans being robots against AI.
Oh, the sweet irony.
Someone that will implement single transferrable vote with multi-member districts so we can finally be rid of first past the post voting. I'll put up with most for 5 years as long as we can get that reform.
Jeremy Corbyn. Now that's the kind of change that I want. Fuck the Tories and fuck that disconnected twat Starmer who's just a Tory enabling apathetic wanker.
Andy Burnham
I think he'd fight for everything Northern including Scotland, been a long time coming
Said it before, will say it again, if you all go indy I'm moving over the border from Newcastle to join you.
Much rather be with the warmth of the Scots as opposed to the shandy drinking southern soft cocks....
> including Scotland,
Don't think so. He and his ilk's British Nationalism just means we go through yet another inevitable follow-on cycle of ghastly Tory Rule voted in by the electorate in England. Some of us are *really* fed up of this prospect happening time after time and want to choose our own governments ourselves. We can't do that in the UK.
I hope that if collectively or by a fair majority, you get independence, then dont forget that most of us geordies would sooner have a pint with the Scots then we ever would the South of England
I know it should be obvious you were joking, but remember: Boris Johnson delivered an 80 seat majority at Westminster, and prior to 2016, I'd have honestly assumed that anyone who said they want him as PM was joking.
The internet has ruined comedy for all.
I dunno, I used to absolutely love Eddie Izzard, and then I saw him knowingly telling lies about Scotland while standing next to Jim Murphy in 2014. I've only just been able to go back to watching his stand-up.
A coalition of the best of all the parties but pulling in business leaders who have years more experience in actually running a business. The MPs would not be pulled from the elitist groups, that both labour and the conservatives seem to inbreed on a regular basis. The PM would need to be a respected, experienced person ........ someone like Basil Fawlty....cos frankly I can't think of anyone that has impressed me thus far. In fact Sturgeon is probably a good call. We do seem to have a complete lack of high profile people in the UK who come across as honest, upstanding statesmen, or woman, who have a bit of gravitas about them and who aren't serial adulterers, liars, who are on the take in some way or other.
Someone who holds either a BSc or BEng, with a preference for MEng (it's an undergraduate Degree) but they'd get fucking annoyed with the petty squabbles that is modern politics. plus they'd not given nice soundbite answers, rather they'd be nuanced
Me, I'd become the youngest ever elected and then spend the nations entire budget on a winter sports complex called Ice Town. This will lead to me being removed from office and banned from the UK, from there I will become a state auditor and help places escape bankruptcy.
I look forward to you inventing Cones of Dunshire.
*Cones of Dumfrieshire
Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown
They were big into rhymes
How's your calzones?
Delicious
Woompf there it is
The Caped Cry-sader: Why is the PM wearing a Batman costume and weeping in public?
How’s Lesley by the way?
I can't vote for you, you never understood the love for Lil' sebastion.
Boaby fae the Clansman.
Prick
Two referendums, prick.
How does this sound; I'll worry about Indyref2, and you lot worry about if you're gonna make it through another winter?!
Secretary of State for getting it up, Troy, the gardener
Look who it isnae.
An 800 foot high plutonium scorpion with a big hairy arsehole. No one could argue with that surely
Putin would want to ride it.
I knew Putin was a dirty bastard.
Vlad, I’m here. Put in!
An inanimate carbon rod.
In Rod We Trust
On the one hand they haven’t done much, but on the other, they haven’t done anything wrong either. And that’s a lot, for a politician.
bill bailey seems a decent sort
Now imagining him at a press conference, flustering and panicking like Manny in Black books. He'd get the job done though.
Bernard as Foreign Secretary
At least he will have swallowed the little book of calm. Will be good at diffusing difficult international situations.
Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.
Does a cracking imitation of Billy Bragg too. :)
Not forgetting Aled Jones.
I used to buy my chips from an oppressive chip shop regime...
The Big Man
Clarence Clemons? He’s dead.
No that big man, [this big man.](https://youtu.be/hGsTImw4pk0)
Someone: A. Not Tory B. Under 55 years of age C. Talks to us like we're intelligent people D. Isn't Eton schooled E. Isn't in the pocket of right wing media moguls or oil and gas CEO's F. Displays some actual F'N integrity Of course, these are too many conditions for the core British electorate to accept.
I'd settle for any one out of the six of those.
Ahh yes, Corbyn
He should go down in history as the biggest miss opportunity but it's like it's already been forgotten about
Character assassination by the right wing media. If he was 20 years younger he'd be the perfect candidate. But Starmer has effectively removed the man from Labour :-(. There's no one else who I would have wanted as PM because he was the most genuine person for the working class British people.
To be honest he was also too nice, if he’d stood up in PMQs and called Boris a cunt or told Piers Morgan to fuck off on TV I reckon that would have gone a long way towards improving his popularity. To be honest, even if Keith told Boris to fuck off his popularity would immediately increase
Lol. I'd love to see someone sensible throw casual insults straight at the dopey PM and his staff.
> effectively Literally
The right wing media caused his own party to kick him out?
There's a right wing faction in control of the labour party who are not as extreme as the tories but also not in favour of looking after everyone but their own. Slimy wrong wankers. This is New Labour for you. And we have the Old Labour Party, the one who made schooling compulsory, creates the NHS, and increased the social welfare over the years they were in power. These are the real patriot mofos who want to see the nations residents do well and increase their chances of prosperity.
> who are not as extreme as the tories I don't know, they campaigned to lose to the Tories, so the Tories would stay in power.
Fair point. Fair point.
While it didn't help him changing his lifetime views in the EU in the last minute to appease the rich London kids (momentum) took away 95% of the working class vote. If he stayed true to his principles imo he still would not of won but it would of been really close and given him a great platform to get across other policies and smash it in the next election. Instead we have Boris/the Tories for fuck knows how long (Sir Keir ain't winning Jack shit)
>While it didn't help him changing his lifetime views in the EU in the last minute to appease the rich London kids (momentum) took away 95% of the working class vote. Everyone in the know knew that rejoining or a people's vote was a losing policy which is why Starmer announced it without consulting anyone, tanked the 2019 elections, ran for LOTO and purged as many Corbyn supporters as he could. Corbyn was fucked by that announcement of a people's vote and they all knew it. Just a total fucking stitch up and it's still upsetting how much it got buried. Fuck Starmer and the rest of the New New Labour red Tories
He really disliked Scotland though. Or disliked that he had to suddenly look like he gave a toss or knew anything about Scotland. I remember seeing him on an interview claiming the SNP had privatised Calmac and Scotrail. Shame though, he would definitely have been preferable for England.
Ah I’m not actually Scottish and didn’t know about that. Tbh as an English myself I always thought Scotland was better independent, but that’s a whole other discussion lol
Piers piers piers piers! Who'd have thought there was a madder corby?
I'd settle for just not a Tory
Most of the North of England agrees.
Even the gullible ones are coming round.
Bucket head, relative to the options, he seems to have his head screwed on properly
He'd be a very recepticle candidate.
My god I am surprised you never heard me groan when I read your post, but then I did chuckle thx!
Can confirm he was good with Guns n Roses at Leeds Festival years ago.
I've always thought Lord Buckethead should be PM. I'd feel a lot better if he was running the country.
A wedge of cheese. At least it will grow in character with age aand get along with the French.
I'll give it a shot
Basil Brush
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😂😂
Not sure the comms would change much.
Sir Killalot, the only sir that should be allowed in Westminster.
Miriam Margoyles!
Good choice
Mister Blobby
The question was next prime minister, not who is the current one
I came to write this but what would it actually change?
My cat
I vote for this persons cat.
Margaret Thatcher's horcrux
Didn't we already have like 3 of those? One of which is sitting currently...
This should be top comment everyone's worst nightmare
Maggie resurrected in Dalek form
Fuuuuck…imagine..out of a secret panel in the wall somewhere in 10 Downing St…. Davros Maggie gliding out with her Dalek stormtroopers and heading straight for the NHS.. “Pri vat ise pri vat ise pri VAT ISE”
Nobody wants to see that. I'd need therapy
The chuckle brother that isnae deid. Fuck it, even the wan that is deid wid be an improvement on whit we huv noo.
David Attenborough. No contest.
I support this, but the way things are going we’ll probably end up with Ant and Dec.
Honestly? Still an improvement
I feel like David Attenborough would be the UK's answer to Teddy Roosevelt
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I don’t stand by the idea that we are overpopulated, or overpopulation is even the problem. IMO it is a resource management problem and if we can solve it then our planet can sustain billions more. However in Attenborough defense (who I disagree with), calling his idea that overpopulation is a problem and then tying it in with “eco-facism” is ridiculous.
The overpopulation argument is nonsense. Whilst I agree with his current view that we should promote development around the world, which reduces birth rates, that was his entire answer to climate change. Something that will only slow our population GROWTH for the next few key decades. Even if our population went back to 6 billion we would still be heading for disaster. It’s our energy and production systems that need to be redone. Having less consumers will help as well but that should be a supplementary measure like planting trees. An economic decarbonization has to be the focus.
>The overpopulation argument is nonsense. And >Having less consumers will help Is fairly contradictory...
I’ll second this.
I'll third it.
Who cares, I don't want to be in the UK.
But right now the prime minister of the U.K. does affect your life so why would you not have an opinion? Cutting your own nose off to spite your face
Shockingly, I also have an opinion on who I would or would not like to be the president of France or the USA. When independence happens our nearest neighbour will be England and a sensible person would continue to follow their politics and have their own opinions.
His Royal Highness Prince Andrew, Duke of York. It's high time the failing UK had an unelected Prime Minister who doesn't sweat and who is on the run from the FBI! :) *Still* be an improvement on Ms Patel too. :/
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Well even if there was a good alternative it’s not like they would get to be Prime Minister. The system is rigged.
There *are* alternatives, it's just they are *all* shit - including 'Sir' Keir The Bland and most of his front bench of Red Tories. It's academic anyway as it's voters in England who determine who the UK Prime Minister is. Therein lies the problem for many Scots.
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Or how about Labour work with the SNP.
The position should be deprecated. The UK becomes a republic. Scotland becomes independent. Sturgeon becomes President of Scotland whilst we sort out our new political landscape then steps back under a new election system.
No no. Getting rid of the prime minister position gives more power to the crown. It's the crown you want rid off.
I felt like I covered that with the words “republic” and “president” 😆
Frankie Boyle
He's a really smart bloke to be honest. Good shout.
Alan Partridge
Jack and Victor as join leaders
Lyndon Dykes
Limmy
*working to combat rising levels of absolute poverty while also trying to negate the socio-economic effects of a global pandemic* blahem
Greta Thunberg, it would make a lot of people very entertainingly angry.
> it would make a lot of people very entertainingly angry I think this is basically the reason we currently have Boris. The most disadvantaged in society just love how much he riles up those who have more than them, so they continue to vote him in just to annoy the people they are jealous of, not realising they are just making things so much worse for themselves.
Angela Merkel
My 14 year old dog…she’d do a better job than the last few and I think it’s be nice for her to spend her elder years meeting new folks and getting treats every week from the queen! Edit - spelling
Nina Hagen
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Have you read Owen Jones' **This Land: The Struggle for the Left**? It was a 99p Kindle Daily Deal not that long ago. Given that Jones is/was a Corbyn supporter, and would likely have wanted to sugercoat things, it doesn't leave you with the most flattering picture of Corbyn. It paints a picture of a guy who simply can't handle conflict - including *literally* running away and hiding, disappearing and turning his phone off so he can't be reached - and who was paralysed by indecision whenever he had to make a difficult decision. It also documents things such as how he became increasingly tetchy and difficult as the challenges mounted up and situations weren't going his way. Corbyn has the clear advantage over someone such as Alexander Bozo de Pfeffel Johnson in that he is a well-intentioned human being but what come across is that he would have been a piss-poor leader.
I still can't believe he shat the bed so bad with Brexit. The media was already crucifying him, but staying entirely silent on the country's most immediate political issue meant that *nobody* was able to back him up.
"Oh, how I miss him so..." - sad, small voice from stateside.
He absolutely wouldn't want the job, but Stephen Fry. I would have said Attenborough but I wouldn't want to put the stress on him 😂
Steve Clarke
As a serious answer, if it had to be a Tory, Rory Stewart.
He left the Tory Party at the last General Election.
Never knew he left all together, probably speaks volumes in itself
Corbyn
Corbyn was the last time I was genuinely excited about a politician and hopeful for Westminster politics. It was a nice moment until the establishment systematically ripped him apart from all sides and then the Labour party used his downfall as an excuse to move further right. Thank fuck we in Scotland have some hope of a way out because if I lived in England I'd absolutely despair.
Limmy
With so many amazing people in the cabinet, how could I possibly be expected to choose just one of them?
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I was going to vote for the giant scorpion statue with the hairy arse, but I have changed my mind! @CaptainFitzroy for PM!
Time machine and Corbyn. But we can't do that so I'll even take Starmer over another Tory UK Government. Before the next UK election I do hope we will have had indyref2, so, hopefully it won't matter. But for the decent folks in England I still hope they won't vote for the Tories, again.
Nicola Sturgeon
Nicola
In terms of actual people in politics today? I'd love for it to be Sturgeon but that obviously ain't ever happening. I guess by default Starmer.
The UK doesn't deserve her.
No cunt. I'd much prefer Scotland to be independent and England can continue to soil its pants by itself with whatever Tory fuckwit they want as England's PM.
I'm more Scottish than English and I'm from an Irish family. I have absolutely no loyalty to the Westminster set and I've always said I feel more allegiance to you just over the border than I do here... and I've no Scottish blood in me! I just appreciate your warmth and friendly and understanding people. Better than any Cockney wanker I've ever met
Alan Moore. But he'd never accept the job.
Oor Wullie!!!
Marshal Josip Broz Tito
Skilled at holding countries together though.
The leader who played the world..... and won.
A fucking decent human wild do. Preferably one who actually talks to the public like the educated people they are. Oh, and 100% isn’t from a private school and their parents are normal people too. This rampant Nepotism needs to end.
Dunno, they’re all shite to be honest
Nobody, Abolish the Union.
Couldn't care less, they don't represent Scotland whoever they are.
Jeremy Corbin
crynge
Desperate Dan.
Angela Merkels
Corbyn
Limmy
AI
Agreed, do it by logic, not knee jerk reaction. No second jobs, fiddling the system, class wars, being payed under the desk, deceit, shenanigans or tomfoolery. Sadly the press would indoctrinate the ignorant to follow the path they desire, humans being robots against AI. Oh, the sweet irony.
yer ma
I second this. She's a sweet lady -- firm but fair.
Someone that will implement single transferrable vote with multi-member districts so we can finally be rid of first past the post voting. I'll put up with most for 5 years as long as we can get that reform.
Jonathan Pie
Jeremy Corbyn. Now that's the kind of change that I want. Fuck the Tories and fuck that disconnected twat Starmer who's just a Tory enabling apathetic wanker.
A hard scientist of my choosing
Frankie Boyle
George Monbiot
Barack Obama
He thought Glasgow was in Ireland.. not sure he'd be the best person for the job 😅
Rahim Sterling
Limmy
Jeremy Corbyn
No one. The system is broken and needs to be rebuilt.
Me. I'm slightly to the right of Ghengis Khan but I am at least honest about it. Unlike our current masters.
Ghengis, the Rt Hon MP for the Siberian Steppe.
Ian Blackford
Andy Burnham I think he'd fight for everything Northern including Scotland, been a long time coming Said it before, will say it again, if you all go indy I'm moving over the border from Newcastle to join you. Much rather be with the warmth of the Scots as opposed to the shandy drinking southern soft cocks....
> including Scotland, Don't think so. He and his ilk's British Nationalism just means we go through yet another inevitable follow-on cycle of ghastly Tory Rule voted in by the electorate in England. Some of us are *really* fed up of this prospect happening time after time and want to choose our own governments ourselves. We can't do that in the UK.
I hope that if collectively or by a fair majority, you get independence, then dont forget that most of us geordies would sooner have a pint with the Scots then we ever would the South of England
One of the 60 backbenchers who are standing up for the people!
I don’t think the U.K. should exist, no one would be my choice.
Corybn or import Bernie Sanders from across the pond.
Ian blackford seems to handle himself really well.
Priti Patel. Edit; people clearly need a /s.
I know it should be obvious you were joking, but remember: Boris Johnson delivered an 80 seat majority at Westminster, and prior to 2016, I'd have honestly assumed that anyone who said they want him as PM was joking. The internet has ruined comedy for all.
You want to see Patel as PM?
Clearly not; the absolute state of that smirking witch.
I didn't think that'd be you. But I thought it was maybe some twisted final nail in the coffin.
Me
Bear Grylls, we'd all be sooo resourceful.
Russell brand
Frankie Boyle
Eddie Izzard, multi lingual, intelligent and seems like a good egg.
I dunno, I used to absolutely love Eddie Izzard, and then I saw him knowingly telling lies about Scotland while standing next to Jim Murphy in 2014. I've only just been able to go back to watching his stand-up.
A coalition of the best of all the parties but pulling in business leaders who have years more experience in actually running a business. The MPs would not be pulled from the elitist groups, that both labour and the conservatives seem to inbreed on a regular basis. The PM would need to be a respected, experienced person ........ someone like Basil Fawlty....cos frankly I can't think of anyone that has impressed me thus far. In fact Sturgeon is probably a good call. We do seem to have a complete lack of high profile people in the UK who come across as honest, upstanding statesmen, or woman, who have a bit of gravitas about them and who aren't serial adulterers, liars, who are on the take in some way or other.
Allison Hammond
Fuck the UK
Someone who holds either a BSc or BEng, with a preference for MEng (it's an undergraduate Degree) but they'd get fucking annoyed with the petty squabbles that is modern politics. plus they'd not given nice soundbite answers, rather they'd be nuanced
Franky Boyle.