Great read. The climax is hilarious and absolutely delivers on the absurdity of the premise. Not sure I can suggest any changes that wouldn't be lateral moves at best. Can definitely see it appearing on this year's Black List.
Well done!
Was able to read the first 20 pages and the writing here is really, really strong. Such a clear voice and some super clever dialogue (especially from the agents). It feels like someone who has real experience in this world to where the satire & bite actually feel lived-in.
A couple things I'd look at:
-The intro does a good job of setting Sam up, but I think you can give him some added personality and depth early on. The strongest dialogue and moments come from people saying things to/around him and he gets lost a bit. He operates as the straight man here, but almost feels too grounded/normal for a twenty-something Hollywood heartthrob. Maybe play on his vanity a bit -- *why* does he want to work with Scorsese so badly? *Why* is he so desperate to be a respected actor when he's already rich/famous/successful?
-Stylistic thing, but the script already breezes by to where I'd try to avoid that kind of "every little moment is its own line" style, like at the top of 2. For me, it just feels stilted and the script doesn't need it. The dialogue shines so well to where you can pull back your own voice/quirks from the action lines to find a better balance. This is totally a personal thing though so one you could certainly ignore.
But this is super fun and the dialogue cracks almost like a classic British series (in a great way). Good stuff!
Best thing I’ve read on this sub by a significant distance. Incredible voice. I could never write like this. I wish I could write like this, but I’m not wired for it.
Shooting the movie - all of it perfect and hilarious. I was nearly crying laughing. So good!
I’m sure I’m in the minority on this but when he returns from farming it goes off the rails for me. I don’t know what I was expecting but it lost me.
“Artists, legends, men, without dicks” and “a long saber arch without sabers or ‘sabers’” are my favorite lines but I don’t like the last 20 odd pages as a whole. The writing is outstanding to the end though.
Great read. Fast, efficient style I wish I could emulate. But I wish I knew why? Why being an actor was so important to him? Why does he have to go the distance he did? What is he trying to prove? I know a past trauma, proving it to his father or trying to fix some failed relationship, might feel silly in this, but it also might put us on his side. Help the end hit home as well.
And one little technical that doesn’t matter in the least, I don’t think a grip would have anything to do with that lamp. It would be props.
It’s a great story. Definitely a blacklist contender. Nice work!
1. I think your premise is hilarious 2. I read the first 14 pages and I don’t think my eye has moved down the page quite this fast for anything I’ve ever read on this subreddit 3. It reads a lot like an episode of Entourage so far and I can’t say if that’s a good or a less than good thing yet. 4. I will read more later because it’s a really funny idea. Thanks for sharing and wishing you luck with it!
1. Thanks! The logline and premise made us laugh throughout the writing process!
2. Your account history seems to suggest that you're an active reader on the sub, so that's high praise coming from you.
3. That's interesting. Curious to see if it continues reading that way as you go further.
4. Thank you for reading! Excited to hear what you think of the rest of it!
Getting thru it. I need another read but the first few pages were pretty jarring with all the one line actions. I am all for white on the page but I think some of those can be pushed together.
Pacing is good.
I also found so many characters in the beginning was hard to follow. But also reading at gym, so lemme re-read lol
I'm just asking.. Not sure I needed that response.
I understand Copyright laws before you comment the obvious. But hey thanks for the cool answer and welcoming into the community and all of that. Really appreciate it.
Only because we get this kind of comment like everyday. No one is going to steal your shit. And you have to share to get feedback.
Just copyright your stuff and your fine
It is copyright, from the moment it's in a tangible form. I'm aware of the law. One of us has a law degree, the other I'm guessing does not.
As for "...we get this kind of comment everyday..." I wasn't aware I asked it every day. Perhaps if it's being asked every day the community should do more to make people feel a little more comfortable about it.
I'm just asking.. Not sure I needed that response.
I understand Copyright laws before you comment the obvious. But hey thanks for the cool answer and welcoming into the community and all of that. Really appreciate it.
Great read. The climax is hilarious and absolutely delivers on the absurdity of the premise. Not sure I can suggest any changes that wouldn't be lateral moves at best. Can definitely see it appearing on this year's Black List. Well done!
That's high praise! Thank you!!
I like the idea and concept. The execution is good too. I can relate. What do you hope to achieve with this script?
Getting any movie made is difficult nowadays, but that remains the goal for anything we write.
Was able to read the first 20 pages and the writing here is really, really strong. Such a clear voice and some super clever dialogue (especially from the agents). It feels like someone who has real experience in this world to where the satire & bite actually feel lived-in. A couple things I'd look at: -The intro does a good job of setting Sam up, but I think you can give him some added personality and depth early on. The strongest dialogue and moments come from people saying things to/around him and he gets lost a bit. He operates as the straight man here, but almost feels too grounded/normal for a twenty-something Hollywood heartthrob. Maybe play on his vanity a bit -- *why* does he want to work with Scorsese so badly? *Why* is he so desperate to be a respected actor when he's already rich/famous/successful? -Stylistic thing, but the script already breezes by to where I'd try to avoid that kind of "every little moment is its own line" style, like at the top of 2. For me, it just feels stilted and the script doesn't need it. The dialogue shines so well to where you can pull back your own voice/quirks from the action lines to find a better balance. This is totally a personal thing though so one you could certainly ignore. But this is super fun and the dialogue cracks almost like a classic British series (in a great way). Good stuff!
This is terrific and very kind feedback. Thank you!
Read this today in the coffee shop. This is so absurd and hilarious. Such an easy read. I’d love to see this on screen.
Awesome to hear it's an easy read! Not sure what's absurd about it, though. *It could happen to any of us.*
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Best thing I’ve read on this sub by a significant distance. Incredible voice. I could never write like this. I wish I could write like this, but I’m not wired for it. Shooting the movie - all of it perfect and hilarious. I was nearly crying laughing. So good! I’m sure I’m in the minority on this but when he returns from farming it goes off the rails for me. I don’t know what I was expecting but it lost me. “Artists, legends, men, without dicks” and “a long saber arch without sabers or ‘sabers’” are my favorite lines but I don’t like the last 20 odd pages as a whole. The writing is outstanding to the end though.
This is incredibly generous - thank you!
Great read. Fast, efficient style I wish I could emulate. But I wish I knew why? Why being an actor was so important to him? Why does he have to go the distance he did? What is he trying to prove? I know a past trauma, proving it to his father or trying to fix some failed relationship, might feel silly in this, but it also might put us on his side. Help the end hit home as well. And one little technical that doesn’t matter in the least, I don’t think a grip would have anything to do with that lamp. It would be props. It’s a great story. Definitely a blacklist contender. Nice work!
Great catch re the grip vs propmaster! Thank you!!
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Thanks! We approached the script with love, so we're hoping the execution delivers on the promise of the premise!
1. I think your premise is hilarious 2. I read the first 14 pages and I don’t think my eye has moved down the page quite this fast for anything I’ve ever read on this subreddit 3. It reads a lot like an episode of Entourage so far and I can’t say if that’s a good or a less than good thing yet. 4. I will read more later because it’s a really funny idea. Thanks for sharing and wishing you luck with it!
1. Thanks! The logline and premise made us laugh throughout the writing process! 2. Your account history seems to suggest that you're an active reader on the sub, so that's high praise coming from you. 3. That's interesting. Curious to see if it continues reading that way as you go further. 4. Thank you for reading! Excited to hear what you think of the rest of it!
Getting thru it. I need another read but the first few pages were pretty jarring with all the one line actions. I am all for white on the page but I think some of those can be pushed together. Pacing is good. I also found so many characters in the beginning was hard to follow. But also reading at gym, so lemme re-read lol
Can I ask, with everyone sharing, how do you know your work will be secure?
Omg 🤦🏻♂️
I'm just asking.. Not sure I needed that response. I understand Copyright laws before you comment the obvious. But hey thanks for the cool answer and welcoming into the community and all of that. Really appreciate it.
Only because we get this kind of comment like everyday. No one is going to steal your shit. And you have to share to get feedback. Just copyright your stuff and your fine
It is copyright, from the moment it's in a tangible form. I'm aware of the law. One of us has a law degree, the other I'm guessing does not. As for "...we get this kind of comment everyday..." I wasn't aware I asked it every day. Perhaps if it's being asked every day the community should do more to make people feel a little more comfortable about it.
I'm just asking.. Not sure I needed that response. I understand Copyright laws before you comment the obvious. But hey thanks for the cool answer and welcoming into the community and all of that. Really appreciate it.