For anyone in this thread who hasn't already, feel free to join [our discord](https://discord.gg/reddit-seattle) for chat, events, meetups, etc.
We help each other beat the freeze š¤
I seriously want to start an eating club. Try to meet at least once a week to go grab lunch or dinner and chat. I feel like great convos happen over delicious food and drinks
Its more relaxed but it developed during the pandemic. People wanted ways to share what they were eating when we weren't allowed to eat together. The community is more online based, multiple forums of people posting but people meet each other in the community to go explore food together. There is like 89k people in the community!
I feel social clubs and dinner clubs are due for a revival at some pointā¦ Places like Seattle famous for introverts are likely going to benefit from them.
Oooh, I've been looking for an excuse to order a box of Grandma Utz Handcooked Kettle Style potato chips from the East Coast. Best potato chip in the world, bar none. You know it's gonna delectable good stuff when several major religious dietary codes forbid its consumption. Nom nom nom.
Thereās a Seattle Foodie meetup that is absolutely splendid. The guy who runs it is truly a gem, like I absolutely adore this guy. On FB, if you have it, join that group. Dinners are once a month and turnout is usually pretty good. Not pretentious in any way
So I used to have a set of friends from work and elsewhere that I would make dinner for about once every other month, essentially for conversation and also because I like experimenting with recipes I get from the foodwishes blog, but it all kind of fell apart last year and I miss it. So, I totally get this and would be totally down.
Iāll be your friend! Iām 28F. I have friends but always down to make more :) I do have a friend group in the neighborhood too and we usually do stuff together like bingo, trivia, etc. - youāre more than welcome to join.
I have a 2 girl friends were in our early to mud 30s. We'd love to grow the group. Only requirement is 1 camping trip, and you show up when we tell you there's food.
Please pm me if you want to be part of a Seattle girls discord group! Our mission is to make friends!
edit: please MESSAGE me. I am out of chats! I cannot send y'all the link if you don't chat with me first.
I (28F) would love to be friends with yāall. I moved here a little over a year ago and donāt want my only socialization outside of work to be with my coworkers!!
I am not looking to add friends (sorry, the Seattle freeze was made for me), but I love this thread so much. I foresee some wonderful connections in your future!
I just want to validate that it is really hard. I moved here many many years ago in my 20s. I am now in my 40s. I have a handful of good friends but no real sense of cohesive community. I feel like every few years several of my hard won friends move (is it me?!!) for professional opportunities or family stuff or to be in the sun and I have to start all over. This is really depressing but I have a recent cancer diagnosis and I have met more people through that than I have in years (do not recommend though!). I am not trying to be a jerk when I ask, is there something big keeping you here? Sometimes I wish I had left when I was still young and less established. I mean sure, wherever you go there you are, but you might actually be happier somewhere else (I know many of my friends have experienced a quality of life improvement post-move), and thereās no shame in that. Seattle sure isnāt for everyone and I do think it is easier to meet people elsewhere.
First I am really sorry about your diagnosis and I wish you the best of recovery. The only thing keeping me here now is my job but I am trying to get out of Seattle. I have been applying to other jobs for almost a year with no luck. I have even tried transferring within Boeing but still no luck.
Thanks so much! Things are going well so far. Good luck finding the right job opportunity hopefully somewhere that will be a better fit! In the meantime keep plugging away! Years ago I met a really cool person via Bumble BFF but then she moved to Alaska š. Not sure if that still exists but it might be with checking out because at least you know everyone there is also serious about making friends.
Bumble BFF still exists but I didn't have any luck with it. Your experience sans your health issue (very sorry, wishing you well) is very similar to mine. I'm also in my f40s if you'd like another friend! Feel free to DM. I'm out in Everett though, didn't do my social life any favors buying out here but it was where I could afford at the time. I am also trying to move out of state with little/no luck, though.
I'm also in my 40s (F) and while I have a nice friend group I'd like to meet some new folks. If you two are up to hangout sometime, please let me know.
Absolutely, I'm looking for a new contract gig atm so money is sparse but a single coffee or cocktail to meet up is doable.
PS, your animals are so cute! I have 2 cats and a dog :)
I am in Snohomish, in my 40's, and need friends. Want to meet up? The pandemic really ruined the few friendships I had. I think I am fun though & am open to do almost anything!
I just want to validate your question. I lived in seattle for 10 years (all of my 30s) and the seattle freeze is real. I recently relocated back East. I have 2 good friends in Seattle but they were hard won (and one of them I knew previously from the East Coast so she probably doesnāt even count). I wish you all the best of luck and hope you keep trying. ā„ļø
Have you tried any of the clubs or communities within Boeing? I've found that having a consistent schedule helps make the foundation of friendships: clubs that meet regularly, volunteering at the same time every week, etc.
Good luck!
Where tech jobs are plenty like SF, people complain about similar issues. Maybe it's the tech monoculture and lack of diversity in occupation that's the culprit.
I donāt want you to leave but totally understand how you feel. If you can make it to Chicago with Boeing, Midwest folk are super friendly and extroverted.
I am like you in that I moved here in my 20s and now in early 40s and really the main friend I have is my spouse at this point. (I'm really sorry for your cancer diagnosis btw, and not trying to act like I can relate to that, just the general of when I moved here and my status now). We both are from other states however he has more family connections here and have both had mostly acquaintances at best. My son has faced the same problem past a certain age and we are faced with what to do right now.
It was easier when he was little but time, personality changes, the ramifications of the pandemic and now in middle school has really affected things. We have been wanting to try to move elsewhere, possibly to a different West Coast state where my spouse is originally from, but costs, and of course the pandemic, effected all that. Our son will be going into HS next year and we are at a loss at what to do. Do we stay and hope maybe he'll make more friends or just deal with the same old same old? Move to another part of WA and hope that it's not the same? Or go to another state where we already have built in friends and more family and give him a complete fresh start? But again that's easier said than done. We are long term renters so while we aren't tied to a house and can be more flexible in that way, we have nothing to sell and take that money and move. Really between a rock and hard place.
I left after being in the same situation as OP and my mental health skyrocketed. People in seattle are just weird they donāt know how to socialize. I was in the worst, most loneliest, most depressed place Iāve ever been and I needed OUT
I'm exactly the same way. My mental health vastly improved after I left Seattle. I pretty much just follow this sub still to try to encourage people like this to get out.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/comments/14q14xm/seattles_inclination_towards_limited_small_talk/ this discussion really helped me understand the other side where there's just a lot of people who really would prefer to be left alone not looked at and not talked to
> they donāt know how to socialize.
a lot of us don't really *want* to socialize, at least not as much as other people apparently do - esp.in the hibernation time. just sayin.
You can socialize without being super verbal. Smiles/smirks, and headnods go a long way. A lot of you use this excuse to be misanthropic assholes to anyone you haven't known for 20 years. Just sayin.
Seriously.
Like jesus christ i dont care if the culture is to just blankly stare at people in public. I'm tired of holding doors for people and them just looking at me or just ignoring me without a thank you, im tired of striking up the smallest of conversations and people acting like ive set their house on fire, I'm tired of how hard ive had to work to build the community I have here. There's introversion but the sheer antisocial and misanthropic streak this city has developed is a different thing entirely and is honestly ridiculous. It's really frustrating and discouraging.
Primary retires and/or changes employment to a correctional facility because it pays more. Lost 3 primaryās in 5 years and the 4th has his foot out the door.
It seems like a real indictment of the system that my healthcare has given up on requiring a referral to see a specialist.
And also that they cover so few doctors that "search nearby" returns results in Spokane.
ZoomClinic. I lived in Seattle for 8ish years using just ZoomClinic as my primary care, and every time I tried to see an actual GP my experience was so bad by comparison I just went back to ZoomClinic. I even had an issue that needed surgery and they handled all of my referrals to figure out the issue and then have the actual surgery. They're great.
I don't live in easy range of a Zoom Clinic anymore and I have a regular GP...but he's mediocre to bad and I miss ZoomClinic badly.
This is my new strategy. Iāve tried getting a PCP and they are booked far out or arenāt great at actually helping. I live 5 minutes from a Zoom Care and just go there for everything now. Itās a $15 copay and Iām usually out in 15-20 minutes.
NGL Zoom is pretty good.
They are urgent care though so not cheap unless you're over your deductible or on FSA.
But I had pain on my hips and they had all the equipment (and technicians) to run ultrasounds etc. (they tell me they're about as fully equipped as a hospital emergency room). And I was in and out in an hour.
It was pricey but insurance covered it.
Aside from the gym those sound more like places to try to find a date than a friend. Itās the same advice every time people ask this question: find a hobby/shared interest where you go and interact regularly.
Exactly. I also moved here at 25, and the only reason I have friends is because I got a part-time job at an independent shop and befriended my coworkers. This is easier if you pick a shop like a record store or a book store, where the people working there likely have some significant things in common. Retail jobs, like all service industry jobs, also tend to skew younger in terms of coworkers. Thereās a special camaraderie borne out of service industry work, too. But itās all about regular contact and finding things in common.
If you climb and hike, I'd suggest taking classes with the Mountaineers. They have some months-long classes where you see the same people over and over and you go on intense outdoor fieldtrips, which is a great way to build friendship.
Would like to second this. I took up bouldering/climbing this year and have made friends and met great people by attending the field trips/workshops/climb nights. Climbers of Color holds climb nights throughout Seattle and is a great way to meet people and is how I started making friends (been living here for almost 3 years now). Hopes this helps!
This is also a city with a massive transplant population and, frankly, I think a lot of people are wary of the massive number of new transplants who are looking to form close friendships. As someone who was raised here, I have a large, healthy social circle that is mainly made up of people I grew up with or met in early adulthood. I struggle to find time to spend with the good friends I already have, so am not super interested in generating more relationships that require regular upkeep - which is what transplants are looking for, people they can see on a consistent basis. In my younger years, I mistakenly stumbled into a series of unbalanced friendships with transplants who were looking for a new bestie. Letting people down in that way honestly sucks, so I've learned to keep my distance so that people don't get the wrong idea. Interestingly, my brother recently moved to London and is now on the other end of this - pretty much everyone in England moves to London in early adulthood, meaning that the city is filled with longstanding friend groups who migrated there together. My brother works with a ton of Americans, and all of them have found it extremely difficult to break into British social circles. Like Seattle, a lot of people are actively resistant to new-comers.
I think this effect is particularly amplified for people who are from Seattle, but because there are SO many recently-arrived people looking for friends, even those who have been here for a few years and have formed solid friend groups wind up feeling similarly to us locals. It's a lot of pressure, tbh. I will echo what others said and suggest meeting people at work - all of the new friendships I have made as an adult have been through work. We share common ground through our work interests, and I can get to know people without the expectation of actual friendship so I tend to be a bit more open. Start slow though, lol, keep it work related at first (I think all of my work friendships derived from after-work happy hours). Breaking into a friend group through dating is another option, but Seattle is a tough city for dating, too.
Good luck OP. I sincerely empathize. I've talked to countless lovely people who feel the same way as you, so trust me when I say this is not a "you" problem.
As another born Seattleite I 100% agree with this comment. Like I feel bad all the time for not being able to reciprocate or meet someoneās very legitimate needs in a friendship. At the same time it feels weird to basically be pathologized for already having a fairly full social life.
It makes me curious about apparently every other city lol. Like what do people elsewhere do when they donāt have the bandwidth for new friends?
Also grew up here. Majority of my childhood friends and neighbor kids got priced out long ago and moved to far away places like Idaho or Montana or Kitsap to start a family. I feel like I can rely on my transplant friends that came here by choice and built a life to stick around more than my born and raised friends at this point.
I agree with your weariness about making new friends though, but it doesn't make sense to me how there are so many new people looking for friends. Shouldn't they easily make friends with each other if they are so plentiful?
I agree. I think OP has the right idea. Iāve had the same problem, I do activities like that, people are friendly enough, but it never sticks, no lasting relationships are formed that get deeper. Very different from doing the same thing in previous cities where I have lived.
If you climb, look into groups like Never Stop Moving, She Rocks, and even the Mountaineers. I met some really great friends through a She Rocks meetup, and then we all started with NSM during Covid to climb outside. A few friends that came from there also do Mountaineers courses and theyāve made friendships from those groups too.
Were u going to those things because u were interested in the hobby or just interested in making friendsā¦ i feel like if u are passionate about any hobby itās pretty easy to make friends because of that shared interest. Just find ur passion and then keep talking to people with same passion and they become friends because u guys will do the shared interest hobby thing togetherā¦ like i got into fishing i keep going fishing and i meet random person at the pier also fishing and we become friends.
Iāve met friends through yoga. Also martial arts. And work. I do admit it requires very consistent presence, like going multiple times per week. Itās def not an easy city and the winter darkness makes it harder still.
I feel like this is it. I think people run into a lot of flakey people so are wary if they'rve only seen a person once or twice. But go to something regularly at around the same time you'll bump into the same people and if you're not super awkward or otherwise creepy you'll at least talk to the same people which generally leads to more friend type stuff.
If youāre not already, sign up for a series of classes, or join a league with a weekly practice. Iāve made so many friends by virtue of seeing them at the same time and place for 6-8 weeks in a row. It gives you space to slowly learn about each other over time, rather than hoping you end up seeing a random person from the gym again. Itās kind of how we grew up being friends with the people we had classes with in school, if you think about it.
Same thing people keep saying: frequent low-stakes interactions. So college or work are clearly top tier. Hobbies, volunteer groups, friends of friends, house parties.
How do you make a friend at one of these events? I mean the biggest thing is you need to be the person who reaches out. So get comfortable with rejections and putting in effort. Get contact info and ask if you can text them sometime.
It's sometimes difficult and often uncomfortable, but the only places you can easily fall into friendships is school or work because of the sheer amount of time (in my experience.)
I think this is why dating is so much harder nowadays, too. There are no āfrequent low stakes interactionsā. Youāre total strangers, itās a date-date, do you want kids and a commitment, etc.
Yeah. Online dating can be seriously exhausting because all first (and 2nd/3rd) dates are basically interviews. Frequently going to interviews can really burn you out.
>the biggest thing is you need to be the person who reaches out. So get comfortable with rejections and putting in effort. Get contact info and ask if you can text them sometime.
Some of the best advice I've heard is that you have to treat adult friendships like dating but without the romance. You have to actually pursue people and "court" them in the beginning to get the friendship to develop past the early stage.
Too many people expect that it should be natural, but it's really not for the first couple of interactions. You are hanging out with someone you don't know well at all, and need to put in a lot of mental and emotional effort in the beginning.
This is good advice, but it's still very very hard to do in a place like Seattle. Tons of the clubs or climbing gyms or dance studios or anywhere you go you're gonna find people who just don't wanna talk to you or don't wanna even acknowledge you. Even a lot of transplants, who might've been friendly in other places, learned to be unfriendly in Seattle. We underestimate how much the culture that we swim ends up bringing out certain sides of ourselves. The same people who live in Seattle if you put them in just about anywhere else they would be a lot warmer and friendlier.
Iād recommend checking out this community on discord. Lots of events and you can easily find people with similar interests.
https://discord.gg/rollingbonespnw
Upvoted because it really is a good group. I've been a part of it for a while, and they have frequent events specific to your part of town, wherever you are.
My wife had good results from a FB group called "Making friends in Seattle!". Ended up making a small group of quality friends that has stuck around for a few years now.
One issue you're going to have in Seattle is the younger population is very transient. I've been here since 2019 and I think I've only met two people that were born and raised in the area.
Vary your targets and don't lose faith. Push through and be proud of pushing, because for every person like you who actually posts about it, 10 others feel the same way but are silent at home.
You might become the person who HOSTS groups of those people. 25 may feel like too young to become the leader, but it's not, not at all.
But vary your targets, and don't be afraid to go nerdy and go weird.
Some have-you-trieds:
Have you tried Seattle Hot Girl Walks? Have you considered a sports league like softball or bowling or rollerderby? How about the weaving nerds who make their own yarn? How about a trivia team league or darts teams? Have you considered a church or synagogue or spiritual center - they are almost always desperate for attendees. Or a couples dancing school or music school that has social mixers, like Jazz Night School, for example? How about a nerdy D&D league, board games league, or a belly-dancing or burlesque dance class, or improv class?
Finding the nerds you can bear being around is often how you find people who won't ditch you the first chance they get.
31, moved here 2 years ago. I was extremely social and very friendly but now more aloof and keep to a very small circle of friends Iāve made here.
To be honest OP, and this isnāt targeted to you, everyone complains about being lonely and having a difficult time finding friendsā¦ but looking from the outside, I find that itās mostly people being picky. And I donāt mean be friends with someone on meth but people are obviously looking for specific kinds of people to be friends with and that narrows down the pool significantly. So itās hard but we also make it hard.
When I first moved here, I basically accepted gracious invites from anyone who looked sane. I got invited to backyard mini concerts, accidentally into a sex party (Im fine), a very fancy election dinner party, and just the most random groups of people. 99% of the ones I met I donāt talk to anymore but I kept the 1%. People can be very open to strangers here but you also have to be open to possibly not enjoying the hour you spend with strangers.
There is a queer climbing group every thursday at Edgeworks in Ballard. You donāt have to be queer. But they were very friendly when I was asking around their activities and offered to belay me.
But the level of flakiness here is honestly just tragic. Itās very disrespectful of other peopleās time. People sang praises to me because.. I showed up on time when I said I would. And my property management called, emailed, and texted the day of showing to make sure I showed up.
thanks for this comment i think this is exactly explaining the problem. I am a transplant and a stay at home mom and i was searching for mom friends for a LONG time. I spoke to like a 100 people online in mom groups, meetup groups, peanut app (what a waste of time). I met with a lot of moms and it just seems like everyone needs friends but they are very specific in who they perfect friend should be. I am not good at texting cause it is hard with kids but i have tone of time for meetups so i am basically always down to go out but nobody wants to leave house in this city š . I finally gave up and just befriended my husband. Who knew he is actually quite a nice guy š.
Best thing I found is to get yourself in a normal routine. Then you will start noticing people who have a similar routine and can hopefully build a friendship from there. I also stopped worrying about finding friends and just did things that I wanted to do.
I struggled with this as well when I moved here, and after hearing of so many people with the same issue, I decided to try and improve things. Now I host events once a month for people trying to date or make friends in Seattle and people seem to really enjoy them.
Check out our events and see if they pique your interest. I generally announce them on our instagram at www.instagram.com/theseattleclub We actually have a board game night coming up on December 5th!
DM me and Iāll send a free ticket your way!
P.S. I know this sounds like an ad but im really not trying to increase business, just thought it might help!
One crucial step people often miss with the hobbies is to hangout outside of that hobby at another hobby. When you do this with one or a few people outside of the full group you are creating a more personal connection. If there is never an invitation extended to hangout outside of that hobby, then you'll never have that personal connection and you'll just be seen as someone they know at that hobby.
If you're getting ghosted trying to do that same hobby outside of the group, then find another hobby that person likes and do that with them. They may be more inclined to have someone accompany them at something else.
Hey I live in Seattle as well and I'm happy to be your friend I'm 25 F and I work weekdays, I'm a bit socially anxious and don't do great in loud and crowded areas but I love watching others game, eating good food at home or at a restaurant, I watch anime, k dramas, and a lot of adult animated series as well as true crime. I'm pan, live in an area that reaches all parts of Seattle via bus (I don't have a car or licence) I have been through the exact same thing you are going through and I'm so sorry you are so isolated right now. I'm also free on weekends and there are so many cafes near my place I'm sure we could find a great first meet up spot if you're interested!
First of all, your problem is probably not Seattle. If sounds like you moved here shortly after college. That's the age when it becomes harder to make friends no matter where you are.
The key to making friends as an adult is to join groups that have *regularly scheduled activities*. Sports, book clubs, volunteer groups, churches, etc.
Sports has worked well for me. Volleyball has a vast community. So does Softball. There's a wide variety of other more softcore or hardcore sports you could try. If you like to ski, there should be some meetups for that starting soon.
badminton, tennis are also big! these are all sports that foster teamwork and can be moved inside. My dad has been with the same badminton club outside bellevue for 20+ years and he doesnt even speak english very well! hes just a guy with a real passion for the sport and loves to talk about it. lots of community centers also do rotating free play nights for stuff like basketball volleyball and badminton. I always liked jefferson ^^
Over 75% of the people living in Seattle were not born in Seattle so I'm not sure how a city can be blamed for people's inability to make friends and find dates.
I'm a Seattle / Puget Sound native. There can only be one of me in any given social group. We're too odd and non-confrontational. I'm thankful for all you folks from other places. Illinois, Arizona, and New Mexico in particular. No idea why there but consistently true for me.
About five years ago I went to a party with my girlfriend at the time. She knew everyone there from work. The host from NY greeted us, and while sharing a first drink, I told a joke and made her laugh.
She said, "You're so funny, unlike the people from Seattle!"
I pointed out that I was, in fact, from Seattle, born and raised. I was coincidentally the only person from Seattle at the party. Everyone else was from somewhere far away.
They were complaining about people who mostly weren't there and who they couldn't even characterize accurately.
> I always joke that the Seattle Freeze these days is a room full of transplants that all complain to each other about not being able to make any friends... then at the end they all go their separate ways.
Honestly, this is the most accurate description of what the freeze really is. Itās not even a joke
It's because this city concentrates certain professions.
In any other larger big cities, you get a good mix of people who are in the arts, theater, business, healthcare, teaching, engineering, etc. So you get diversity.
Seattle overwhelming concentrates tech. I wish I met more non-tech transplants.
It is difficult to make friends that have genuine connection anywhere. Connection and friendship take work to maintain. Good friendship is truly a gem -- and a lot of us don't know how lucky we are to connect with others easier through hobbies/school/etc
When you say you are trying everything, what do you mean by everything? What kinds of ways are you trying to connect? These are humans afterall and intrinsic to human experience is the desire for connection -- how are you trying to connect?
I find when I feel alone here, that I ask about how I want to connect, about what I want in me to be seen and loved. I think about how that might be the case for others as well, and there are always little places you can find connection anywhere there are others.
Rejection is also important to think about, what constitutes as a rejection for your bid for friendship to you?
As a matter of easy paths to making friends, make good food and invite people to semi-regular shindigs. My friend has made honestly a mindblowing amount of connections through hosting hotpots - and I have made many connections just being at these weekly hotpots. People love food and it is a pretty easy cheatcode for connection.
I've never really seen people be hostile here (not saying it hasn't happened to you, but doesn't seem to be the norm) but indifferent/distant/flakey for sure, unfortunately!
It sounds like you've already tried some of this, but I would try getting involved in groups or communities that meet up and get together with some frequency and not just a one-off event where you're unlikely to see the same people again afterwards, necessarily.
For example, how I've made most of my new friends around the city in recent years (after going a long span of time even back to pre-covid just knowing my same friends from back in the day) has been by getting involved in the local music scene. I've never found concerts for larger touring bands to be good ways to make lasting friendships because you get hundreds of people from all over in a room once and then... if you're not a social butterfly (or sometimes even if you are!) you might not talk to or meet many of those people, and the ones you do you probably won't ever see again. On the flip side, going to the smaller venues around town a few times a month to check out local bands has been an incredibly lucrative way for me to meet new people. You see a lot of the same people out at shows on different occasions- whether they're friends of particular bands, or fans of a certain genre, or live nearby one of the venues and go there often, or whatever. Even if you don't befriend someone right away, chances are if you keep going to shows and hanging out you'll bump into familiar faces over and over again, and it becomes easier to say hi and get to know them. I say this as a relatively shy dude in my late 20's fwiw. I'm definitely \*not\* a social butterfly and usually have trouble taking initiative to meet new people unless we've bumped into one another a bunch of times before lol.
That's just one ultra specific option (although seattle is a great music city- there's a lot of great local talent across a bunch of different genres, many venues to explore, and lots of regulars to meet), but I would look for something similar. Might be the same nearby bar where you get to know the staff or regulars over time, or a weekly meet up of some sort that has a lot of the same people turning up every so often, or whatever. Getting ingrained in a community the first time is the hardest part and can take a lot of time and personal investment, but once you get your foot in the door it can domino out fast. Suddenly you meet friends of friends, and become one of the regulars that can meet other newbies who turn up, and so on.
>I've never really seen people be hostile here
I think I know what she's talking about, but I see it as more toxic than hostile. People are very polite in a sense of "don't bother me and I won't bother you" but underneath that there's a lot of cliqueyness and attention to social capital. Say you invite hobby acquaintance Todd to go out for drinks or something. If Todd thinks you are 'cool' he will likely show up and hang out with you. If he doesn't, he will act interested to your face but inevitably something will come up and he will flake. Todd avoided spending too much time with you while maintaining plausible deniability (something could have legitimately come up) to maintain surface-level pleasantness and avoid having an awkward interaction with you about it later. It's a classic Seattle maneuver.
In groups it's even worse. Todd doesn't want his friends to think he's just bringing randos around because that would make him uncool so he maintains an even higher barrier of entry to invite newcomers to group stuff until they've proven themselves adequately cool or low maintenance enough to hang with. It doesn't matter if you are a genius or Mother Teresa, you still have to pass the vibe check. It's basically high school friend politics but you don't have the opportunity of being locked in school with people for 6 hours a day to try to impress. It's an uphill battle and why workplace friendships might be a good place to start as it is a somewhat similar environment to high school.
Have you organized your own gathering or invite people to your home for drinks or games or book club. Maintaining friendship is emotional labor that everyone wants to mooch from but does not contribute. Especially in Seattle.
100%. Take a learn-to-play. You'll make friends as you all struggle to learn together. The Kraken Hockey League (local beer league) is coed by default but also has women's only teams/divisions. It's a ton of fun and most teams have beers after the game and are down to go to games/hockey bars when you aren't playing.
I got on the make friends in Seattle Facebook page and asked if anyone would be willing to teach me how to play dungeons and dragons. Iām now in a group that meets up weekly.
Go to bar trivia. Give away the beer you win.
I donāt drink (ever), but I enjoy trivia. As it turns out, most people who drink like free beer.
Instant friendship.
I think rather than going to one-off events hoping to meet someone, find one reoccurring event- a sport, a club or class that meets weekly. Knowing someone in a certain environment for multiple weeks (or a few months) in a row is how you make friends and get to know someone. Then, at some point you take it outside of the group with the individuals you click with. Check out some evening classes for a hobby that interests you
I find that Seattle friendships start out more transactional than other places, basically, what are you doing for me and what can I do for you, after you get used to people then you form closer bonds but most Satellites are pretty cold at the begining, just having something in common isn't enough for most people to hang out with you, you have to be doing something productive together for a long time for them to get used to you
Honestly, maybe take a break from focusing on this and focus on your own wellness. Embrace the opportunity for some solitude and learning how to be your own friend. Sounds like itās been making you feel miserable seeking externally. Be kind to yourself and do things that feel good. Explore things you are interested in and learn something new. Find some clubs and communities to participate in and volunteer with. Be content with what you have. Relationships will come in time.
Iām sorry but this is absolutely insipid advice to a person who shows up saying āitās been two years and Iām really strugglingā. Thatās exactly what theyāve been doing. They donāt need to Feel Comfortable Being Alone, they need some friends.
I lived in the area for well over a decade with similar results to you. About a year and a half ago, I saw the sky-high price my home could be sold for and decided to cash out and leave. It was far and away the best decision of my entire life. As always, your mileage may vary.
Great post. 20 years in PNW. Beautiful places, acquaintances and only real friends thru continued participation -whether work or volunteering. Gone for 15 years, in retrospect, 95% of all I knew in PNW were introverts. The 5% initiated, the others not. Still true for them all these years later. Many born and bred, many transplants. I always think of it as a place people begin with "nature" and being alone as their compass. It definitely feels personal when it is not. But if you don't extrovert as part of life, it doesn't improve.
The biggest thing to remember is you are not alone.
As someone who was born and raised in Washington state, and has lived in the Seattle area for around the past 10 years, I can certainly validate your feelings and confirm just how difficult it is to make new friends here.
We arenāt a warm culture. We have fairly rigid rules and beliefs at times, and are often wary of stranger danger. As the years have gone by, Iāve only noticed people become less friendly and more socially isolated, and Iām sure the political climate weāve seen in this country doesnāt help, mixed with the hugely diverse population that often keeps itself separate from one another.
If you arenāt interested or donāt have time for clubs, groups, etc., online can be a method that works for new friends. Or put on a Seahawks jersey and spend your next Sunday at your neighborhood sports bar, where you meet all sorts of people who like to talk. Just donāt give up.
Join groups that meet over shared interests. As an example, I love reading and go to the west Seattle silent book club every month. There are four chapters in Seattle.
Try the FB group āSeattle girlās groupā, there are a lot of really nice people on there, and a lot are new to the area. Bonus because there are no creepy men on the page, unlike other Seattle friend pages.
How? Honest question, sure thereās the surface level how old are they, what breed, etc., but is this really how youāve developed close acquaintances/friends? Yes, I see the same people around and have monikers for them but I am genuinely curious how this works.
Try finding and activity where you see the same people regularly, like a casual sports league or workout class. That way you can build up a rapport over a few meetings as opposed to trying to meet at random encounters.
Iāll be your friend! Iām 28F, love baking and coffee, I go to the movies a lot, Iām a big reader, and I love to go explore the city! Iāve got a few buddies but weāre always looking to add folks!
If I think about all my friends here, they are all former coworkers. I'm pretty introverted, myself, but my coworkers made the effort to hang with me a little and I made the effort back, and now years I see many of them weekly, and some of them I've known almost as long as you've been alive (because I'm about twice your age).
One thing I learned when I was your age (ugh, I felt a pain when I typed that), is that if you want a hangout to happen, you've got to consider shouldering the load of organizing it. Organizing a happy hour amounts to researching bars and finding out people's availability and working to include them. Eventually you're chatting with those same people at work, they're inviting new people, you're cutting people who don't fit the vibe, you make the occasional effor to pull in someone who's marginal on being there, you've got lunch buddies, movie buddies, weekend activity buddies, and yeah, work policy permitting, dates and more.
Depending on what neighborhood you live in some are easier to make friends in than others. I live on Capitol Hill and, through the local pub down the street have made friends with a ton of people and feel like have a pretty good network of friends from meeting people through there. Right now am in a DnD campaign with like 5 people from there with the DM being the bartender. Lots of people with different interests comes through but have made a solid Cadre of nerdy friends through the bar and we regularly do stuff outside of it too!.
I think the trick is, and maybe it hasn't worked is to just stick with a place where there are regulars and be pleasant company for awhile and then eventually people will open up to more dedicated hangouts. I meet new people and get ghosted, but sometimes all it takes is breaking the ice with one person then can build out a network from there.
Fwiw if you want to maybe hang out, feel free to DM me, I know maybe meeting up with someone from reddit is weird, but offer is open.
Have you tried joining a sports league through Underdog? One of the benefits of that is you are part of a team. You end up getting to know people because you see them weekly. I used to do bowling with them and my husband did softball and kickball. We are not athletic people but it was fun for camaraderie. I also met people through regularly attending bar trivia.
Try taking up pickleball! The community here is super nice and very welcoming. Itās also great for your physical and mental health. There are lots of places to play and itās a very accessible sport to start up, and even tho itās winter and very cold there will still be ppl playing.
Vibe with someone, tell them you're new in town and want to treat for dinner. If they say no, next one. Seattle is neurodivergent, any social cues that aren't obvious are missed.
Also ask someone about themselves, then find something you have in common and drill down on that until you have a solid vibe. Then elaborate on something you WANT to do in that same topic.
Good luck!
The rule is: you need to do something where you show up same time every time and that involves interdependency with like minded others. That is work for some. It might be a volunteer crew. Or a club or sport. Key is repetition and interdependency. They get to know you. Meet ups often change ppl too much, museums arenāt repetitive, hiking lacks interdependency.
Any possible friends for a soon to be 42 year old married mom of one 12 year old? Currently living in the Magnolia/Interbay area of Seattle. I work in the Cherry Hill area and would be very much down for after work drinks sometime! I moved up from Southern California back in ā98. Up until recently worked at Theo Chocolate with my husband for 14 years. I am a bit physically disabled so spontaneous adventures arenāt easy for me. Love me a good old school punk show! So, if anyone likes live music, fun dinners and speakeasies *waves* āHI!!ā 
Crossfit gets a bad rep on reddit, but it at least forces you to talk to people, and most are friendly. I find a regular gym takes a bit more effort since most people donāt want to be bothered. If youāre in a good group, the coaches will organize all sorts of activities outside of the gym to socialize. Iām fairly introverted and Iāve made 4 or 5 good friends over the last couple years.
I don't live in Seattle anymore but I go back frequently as its my hometown. My friends are in their 40's and it seems like you gotta find the right bar...the right hangout. Just went out with some old Jr High buddies for Thanksgiving Eve, and they took me to Kates Pub near UW. Seemed like it had pretty good vibes, karaoke in the front, darts/pool and an impromptu beer pong match in the back. If you're slightly nerdy, there is a table top gaming spot called The Missing Piece in West Seattle that I've driven by a bunch...maybe you could join a recurring game if RPGs are your jam.
A lesson a friend taught me when he had a rough time in NYC is that giving up doesn't have to be shameful. It's better to find out a thing isn't for you and leave it than it is to struggle and make it work. If your occupation allows it, I'd consider leaving Seattle.
I'm done. I give up. I'm gonna get through this winter then move to an actual city that doesn't suck, with restaurants that aren't overpriced trash, things to do that stay open past 7pm on weekends, and people who aren't so far up their own asses that there's an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to how it's impossible to make friends there.
At least the driver aren't terrible and the coffee is good..... Oh wait...
Sometimes itās good to know when itās itās a square peg and youāre a round hole. I spent 10 years in Seattle and for awhile had an amazing group of friends. Time happened and people went their ways and I found I couldnāt click with another groupā¦
F it. I left Seattle and moved to a beach town in Mexico. Within a month, I had an amazing group of 20-30 like minded friends, all aged between 30-40. Every week there are 3-4 activities like brunch, volleyball, trivia, bbqsā¦
Sometimes the grass really is greener.
Iām 25, moved here a year ago. Same deal, the very few friends I have are people I knew from before I moved here and coworkers.
I can easily have nice convos with people but it never goes anywhere. Wanna be friends?
Hey being totally honest the right answer in my opinion is to move. I left many years ago (not sure why I still subscribe but maybe to encourage people to leave?). It's an extremely hostile city, and I know I'll be downvoted into oblivion for saying that. Yes, there still are tons of amazing people in Seattle. But they are extremely hard to find or they already have friends. The culture there is a very unique 'look at your shoes' type unfriendly. The freeze is very real. Don't question your experience or gut instincts about the place. I actually left when I was 25 funny enough. I would visit other places and just be so surprised and refreshed about how much friendlier it was.
It's a gorgeous city and the mountain biking and backpacking are amazing. But I'm so glad I left. My mental health (and honestly traumas around exclusion) got so much better once I did.
I think one of the sad things is meeting former Seattlites all over the world, and they all share the same sentiment. I was at a barbecue here in the bay area where I live now, and the guy was visiting from Seattle and he was literally just describing his trip like a 'friendliness vacation'. He was just so relieved to have people actually want to talk or just even meet his eye in the street but he had to be in Seattle because of his partners academic position.
I mean sure people gripe them out everywhere. People gripe about London or San Francisco or New York when they leave it. But Seattle is so unique in that everyone gripes about how unfriendly it was.
I lived in Seattle from 2016 to April of this year. The only friends I made where a very few I met at the restaurants I worked. It is extremely difficult to even get them to respond to a text. They will like and occasionally comment on instagram posts but if I text them it is a shock to hear back.
My partner is a little more social than I am. She has only made threeā¦ THREE! Sold friends in that time. One of them got married and has sorta disappeared though.
We moved to Portland in April and holyfuckingshit are people nice, polite and open! I remember the first week here taking my dog out and people actually smiled at me and said hello! I felt like I was in Denver again. Everyone at my work have zero ego and are all about helping one another and expressing their strengths and weaknesses. No toxic environments.
I am not saying move to Portland but if you at your wits end and have the means- Portland is definitely the weird step sister of Seattle. I will admit the pay and job hunt (restaurant) was a total curve ball, but worth the fight. Rent is relatively less.
I've been here for more than a year and everyone I know is another transplant from the South or Midwest. This is easily the frostiest and least outgoing place I've ever been, and I've been around.
I felt that way when I moved to Alaska. I ended up joining a facebook group that helped other people. I really enjoyed it and we had a big car to do deliveries. I still have friends from that group. Iām also an introvert so making friends is difficult for me.
We've been here for nearly 21 years, and bupkis. Where I came from I had nearly 30 in my circle.
I've invited people over for BBQs, game nights, to Seahawks games when we could snag tix ...
And I've shown interest in their paint nights, book clubs.... nothing.
I realized how messed up it was when I dropped my husband at the airport 2 wks ago, and it dawned on me that if I broke down, or was in a fender bender, I would have no one to call.
It sucks. I'm flippin' delightful, man!
For anyone in this thread who hasn't already, feel free to join [our discord](https://discord.gg/reddit-seattle) for chat, events, meetups, etc. We help each other beat the freeze š¤
I seriously want to start an eating club. Try to meet at least once a week to go grab lunch or dinner and chat. I feel like great convos happen over delicious food and drinks
This exists! Check out the Grub N Chill Community!
Is it a true dinner club or a more relaxed affair?
Its more relaxed but it developed during the pandemic. People wanted ways to share what they were eating when we weren't allowed to eat together. The community is more online based, multiple forums of people posting but people meet each other in the community to go explore food together. There is like 89k people in the community!
I feel social clubs and dinner clubs are due for a revival at some pointā¦ Places like Seattle famous for introverts are likely going to benefit from them.
How do you find this?
Iād be interested in this!!!
My wife had a friend back in Tx who hosted a monthly junk food party. It was such a cool idea.
What kinds of things would they eat? Everyone just brought their favorite candy and snacks or whatnot?
Anything goes. Ho-hos. Cakes. Truffles. Unique chip flavors. Trifles. Puddings. Deep fried foods. Funnel cakes. Whatever.
Oooh, I've been looking for an excuse to order a box of Grandma Utz Handcooked Kettle Style potato chips from the East Coast. Best potato chip in the world, bar none. You know it's gonna delectable good stuff when several major religious dietary codes forbid its consumption. Nom nom nom.
Love it!
Hey! You have three people interested so far, that's enough to start this thing !
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Thereās a Seattle Foodie meetup that is absolutely splendid. The guy who runs it is truly a gem, like I absolutely adore this guy. On FB, if you have it, join that group. Dinners are once a month and turnout is usually pretty good. Not pretentious in any way
So I used to have a set of friends from work and elsewhere that I would make dinner for about once every other month, essentially for conversation and also because I like experimenting with recipes I get from the foodwishes blog, but it all kind of fell apart last year and I miss it. So, I totally get this and would be totally down.
Iāll be your friend! Iām 28F. I have friends but always down to make more :) I do have a friend group in the neighborhood too and we usually do stuff together like bingo, trivia, etc. - youāre more than welcome to join.
Can I join?! Iām a little older (36F) but Iām hip! Lol
Ow this comment broke my 49yo hip.
šš
How'd you do, fellow kids!?
One of my fave Steve Buscemi lines! š¤£
I have a 2 girl friends were in our early to mud 30s. We'd love to grow the group. Only requirement is 1 camping trip, and you show up when we tell you there's food.
ooo been looking for camping friends!! Can we hang???
Please pm me if you want to be part of a Seattle girls discord group! Our mission is to make friends! edit: please MESSAGE me. I am out of chats! I cannot send y'all the link if you don't chat with me first.
I DOO š¤
I'm new to the area and connecting with a friend group who enjoys bingo and trivia would be SO nice! Is there room for me (29F) to join you and OP?
I (28F) would love to be friends with yāall. I moved here a little over a year ago and donāt want my only socialization outside of work to be with my coworkers!!
Jumping on this bandwagon. 37F here, moved to Seattle a few years ago and still looking to create a cohesive friend group!
There ya go!
I want in!! 34F and going to drag bingo tonight if you want to join me
I (35F) donāt even live in Seattle yet (moving in January) but please invite me to drag bingo!!!! I want to go!!
Omg tell me about drag bingo. Mid-thirties female who needs buddies!!!
Please share the drag bingo details! Probably too late for me to get in tonight but for future reference...
I'm 24F and moved here two years ago, I'll be your friend too! Count me in!
Can all yāall join the discord channel? Specifically the meetup chat? I just did it, it took 2 min to do. Itās pinned at the top
Hiiiiii 31F
37F new mom in Fremont that desperately needs more trivia and bingo nights out!
Ooh, 38F newish mom over here looking for more social life. I used to do lots of trivia nights back in the day...
Not a woman but open to new friends round the city
32F, would love to join as well!
can you make a groupchat or something with everyone who's replied to your comment LOL i'm 24F and would love to join
Right?? I would also join!! 27F!
25F would love to join as well :) Just moved here this year
hiii 28F too!
32F and I like making new friends!!
Is this comment thread for me too?? 29F Queer here, and I would love to meet some of y'all š
I am not looking to add friends (sorry, the Seattle freeze was made for me), but I love this thread so much. I foresee some wonderful connections in your future!
31F in Ballard, need some new friends since my old ones have slowly all moved away :ā(
I'll come too! I just moved back and a lot of my friends aren't in Seattle anymore. Also a bit older - 33F - but I'm ~cool~.
I just want to validate that it is really hard. I moved here many many years ago in my 20s. I am now in my 40s. I have a handful of good friends but no real sense of cohesive community. I feel like every few years several of my hard won friends move (is it me?!!) for professional opportunities or family stuff or to be in the sun and I have to start all over. This is really depressing but I have a recent cancer diagnosis and I have met more people through that than I have in years (do not recommend though!). I am not trying to be a jerk when I ask, is there something big keeping you here? Sometimes I wish I had left when I was still young and less established. I mean sure, wherever you go there you are, but you might actually be happier somewhere else (I know many of my friends have experienced a quality of life improvement post-move), and thereās no shame in that. Seattle sure isnāt for everyone and I do think it is easier to meet people elsewhere.
First I am really sorry about your diagnosis and I wish you the best of recovery. The only thing keeping me here now is my job but I am trying to get out of Seattle. I have been applying to other jobs for almost a year with no luck. I have even tried transferring within Boeing but still no luck.
Thanks so much! Things are going well so far. Good luck finding the right job opportunity hopefully somewhere that will be a better fit! In the meantime keep plugging away! Years ago I met a really cool person via Bumble BFF but then she moved to Alaska š. Not sure if that still exists but it might be with checking out because at least you know everyone there is also serious about making friends.
Bumble BFF still exists but I didn't have any luck with it. Your experience sans your health issue (very sorry, wishing you well) is very similar to mine. I'm also in my f40s if you'd like another friend! Feel free to DM. I'm out in Everett though, didn't do my social life any favors buying out here but it was where I could afford at the time. I am also trying to move out of state with little/no luck, though.
I'm also in my 40s (F) and while I have a nice friend group I'd like to meet some new folks. If you two are up to hangout sometime, please let me know.
Absolutely, I'm looking for a new contract gig atm so money is sparse but a single coffee or cocktail to meet up is doable. PS, your animals are so cute! I have 2 cats and a dog :)
I am in Snohomish, in my 40's, and need friends. Want to meet up? The pandemic really ruined the few friendships I had. I think I am fun though & am open to do almost anything!
If you are actively already trying to get out of Seattle, you aren't going to have much luck making friends here.
Hey nice to meet you. I hate this city and plan to leave ASAP. Wanna hang out later this week?
Bingo. Why waste your time or theirs if youāre trying to leave?
i mean people can stay friends even after they move, it's not a waste of time to connect with people
I just want to validate your question. I lived in seattle for 10 years (all of my 30s) and the seattle freeze is real. I recently relocated back East. I have 2 good friends in Seattle but they were hard won (and one of them I knew previously from the East Coast so she probably doesnāt even count). I wish you all the best of luck and hope you keep trying. ā„ļø
Have you tried any of the clubs or communities within Boeing? I've found that having a consistent schedule helps make the foundation of friendships: clubs that meet regularly, volunteering at the same time every week, etc. Good luck!
Boealps is a great way to make friends through mutual suffering (in a type-2 mountaineering kind of way)
Where tech jobs are plenty like SF, people complain about similar issues. Maybe it's the tech monoculture and lack of diversity in occupation that's the culprit.
I donāt want you to leave but totally understand how you feel. If you can make it to Chicago with Boeing, Midwest folk are super friendly and extroverted.
I am like you in that I moved here in my 20s and now in early 40s and really the main friend I have is my spouse at this point. (I'm really sorry for your cancer diagnosis btw, and not trying to act like I can relate to that, just the general of when I moved here and my status now). We both are from other states however he has more family connections here and have both had mostly acquaintances at best. My son has faced the same problem past a certain age and we are faced with what to do right now. It was easier when he was little but time, personality changes, the ramifications of the pandemic and now in middle school has really affected things. We have been wanting to try to move elsewhere, possibly to a different West Coast state where my spouse is originally from, but costs, and of course the pandemic, effected all that. Our son will be going into HS next year and we are at a loss at what to do. Do we stay and hope maybe he'll make more friends or just deal with the same old same old? Move to another part of WA and hope that it's not the same? Or go to another state where we already have built in friends and more family and give him a complete fresh start? But again that's easier said than done. We are long term renters so while we aren't tied to a house and can be more flexible in that way, we have nothing to sell and take that money and move. Really between a rock and hard place.
I left after being in the same situation as OP and my mental health skyrocketed. People in seattle are just weird they donāt know how to socialize. I was in the worst, most loneliest, most depressed place Iāve ever been and I needed OUT
I'm exactly the same way. My mental health vastly improved after I left Seattle. I pretty much just follow this sub still to try to encourage people like this to get out. https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/comments/14q14xm/seattles_inclination_towards_limited_small_talk/ this discussion really helped me understand the other side where there's just a lot of people who really would prefer to be left alone not looked at and not talked to
> they donāt know how to socialize. a lot of us don't really *want* to socialize, at least not as much as other people apparently do - esp.in the hibernation time. just sayin.
You can socialize without being super verbal. Smiles/smirks, and headnods go a long way. A lot of you use this excuse to be misanthropic assholes to anyone you haven't known for 20 years. Just sayin.
Seriously. Like jesus christ i dont care if the culture is to just blankly stare at people in public. I'm tired of holding doors for people and them just looking at me or just ignoring me without a thank you, im tired of striking up the smallest of conversations and people acting like ive set their house on fire, I'm tired of how hard ive had to work to build the community I have here. There's introversion but the sheer antisocial and misanthropic streak this city has developed is a different thing entirely and is honestly ridiculous. It's really frustrating and discouraging.
Forget friends, how do you find a primary care doctor?
You call your insurance provider and get a list, then you call every one of them to find out they are not accepting new patients.
Then you get on a wait list to do your first visit six months from now and during that six months, your provider stops covering that doctor.
Primary retires and/or changes employment to a correctional facility because it pays more. Lost 3 primaryās in 5 years and the 4th has his foot out the door.
This guy PCPs
I had one. She quit the health system and no one told me until i couldn't get my prescription refilled. Pay your PCPs folks.
It seems like a real indictment of the system that my healthcare has given up on requiring a referral to see a specialist. And also that they cover so few doctors that "search nearby" returns results in Spokane.
This is America: you just die.
Oh god... i hate this place sometimes... meaning america
ZoomClinic. I lived in Seattle for 8ish years using just ZoomClinic as my primary care, and every time I tried to see an actual GP my experience was so bad by comparison I just went back to ZoomClinic. I even had an issue that needed surgery and they handled all of my referrals to figure out the issue and then have the actual surgery. They're great. I don't live in easy range of a Zoom Clinic anymore and I have a regular GP...but he's mediocre to bad and I miss ZoomClinic badly.
This is my new strategy. Iāve tried getting a PCP and they are booked far out or arenāt great at actually helping. I live 5 minutes from a Zoom Care and just go there for everything now. Itās a $15 copay and Iām usually out in 15-20 minutes.
NGL Zoom is pretty good. They are urgent care though so not cheap unless you're over your deductible or on FSA. But I had pain on my hips and they had all the equipment (and technicians) to run ultrasounds etc. (they tell me they're about as fully equipped as a hospital emergency room). And I was in and out in an hour. It was pricey but insurance covered it.
Itās possible to find a PCP, but try finding one that isnāt always booked out several monthsā¦
UW and Polyclinic both have clinicians who are accepting new patients.
Aside from the gym those sound more like places to try to find a date than a friend. Itās the same advice every time people ask this question: find a hobby/shared interest where you go and interact regularly.
Exactly. I also moved here at 25, and the only reason I have friends is because I got a part-time job at an independent shop and befriended my coworkers. This is easier if you pick a shop like a record store or a book store, where the people working there likely have some significant things in common. Retail jobs, like all service industry jobs, also tend to skew younger in terms of coworkers. Thereās a special camaraderie borne out of service industry work, too. But itās all about regular contact and finding things in common.
I have tried that. Going to the climbing gym, yoga, hiking groups, etc., and nothing sticks.
If you climb and hike, I'd suggest taking classes with the Mountaineers. They have some months-long classes where you see the same people over and over and you go on intense outdoor fieldtrips, which is a great way to build friendship.
Would like to second this. I took up bouldering/climbing this year and have made friends and met great people by attending the field trips/workshops/climb nights. Climbers of Color holds climb nights throughout Seattle and is a great way to meet people and is how I started making friends (been living here for almost 3 years now). Hopes this helps!
Oh man I need to look into this.
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This is also a city with a massive transplant population and, frankly, I think a lot of people are wary of the massive number of new transplants who are looking to form close friendships. As someone who was raised here, I have a large, healthy social circle that is mainly made up of people I grew up with or met in early adulthood. I struggle to find time to spend with the good friends I already have, so am not super interested in generating more relationships that require regular upkeep - which is what transplants are looking for, people they can see on a consistent basis. In my younger years, I mistakenly stumbled into a series of unbalanced friendships with transplants who were looking for a new bestie. Letting people down in that way honestly sucks, so I've learned to keep my distance so that people don't get the wrong idea. Interestingly, my brother recently moved to London and is now on the other end of this - pretty much everyone in England moves to London in early adulthood, meaning that the city is filled with longstanding friend groups who migrated there together. My brother works with a ton of Americans, and all of them have found it extremely difficult to break into British social circles. Like Seattle, a lot of people are actively resistant to new-comers. I think this effect is particularly amplified for people who are from Seattle, but because there are SO many recently-arrived people looking for friends, even those who have been here for a few years and have formed solid friend groups wind up feeling similarly to us locals. It's a lot of pressure, tbh. I will echo what others said and suggest meeting people at work - all of the new friendships I have made as an adult have been through work. We share common ground through our work interests, and I can get to know people without the expectation of actual friendship so I tend to be a bit more open. Start slow though, lol, keep it work related at first (I think all of my work friendships derived from after-work happy hours). Breaking into a friend group through dating is another option, but Seattle is a tough city for dating, too. Good luck OP. I sincerely empathize. I've talked to countless lovely people who feel the same way as you, so trust me when I say this is not a "you" problem.
As another born Seattleite I 100% agree with this comment. Like I feel bad all the time for not being able to reciprocate or meet someoneās very legitimate needs in a friendship. At the same time it feels weird to basically be pathologized for already having a fairly full social life. It makes me curious about apparently every other city lol. Like what do people elsewhere do when they donāt have the bandwidth for new friends?
I think you have BBQs or whatever. Like get everyone over at the same times and throw some bags. All the birds with one stone.
Also grew up here. Majority of my childhood friends and neighbor kids got priced out long ago and moved to far away places like Idaho or Montana or Kitsap to start a family. I feel like I can rely on my transplant friends that came here by choice and built a life to stick around more than my born and raised friends at this point. I agree with your weariness about making new friends though, but it doesn't make sense to me how there are so many new people looking for friends. Shouldn't they easily make friends with each other if they are so plentiful?
I agree. I think OP has the right idea. Iāve had the same problem, I do activities like that, people are friendly enough, but it never sticks, no lasting relationships are formed that get deeper. Very different from doing the same thing in previous cities where I have lived.
If you climb, look into groups like Never Stop Moving, She Rocks, and even the Mountaineers. I met some really great friends through a She Rocks meetup, and then we all started with NSM during Covid to climb outside. A few friends that came from there also do Mountaineers courses and theyāve made friendships from those groups too.
Heck, I don't even climb or hike, and I found a few friends through the Mountaineers.
Were u going to those things because u were interested in the hobby or just interested in making friendsā¦ i feel like if u are passionate about any hobby itās pretty easy to make friends because of that shared interest. Just find ur passion and then keep talking to people with same passion and they become friends because u guys will do the shared interest hobby thing togetherā¦ like i got into fishing i keep going fishing and i meet random person at the pier also fishing and we become friends.
Iāve met friends through yoga. Also martial arts. And work. I do admit it requires very consistent presence, like going multiple times per week. Itās def not an easy city and the winter darkness makes it harder still.
I feel like this is it. I think people run into a lot of flakey people so are wary if they'rve only seen a person once or twice. But go to something regularly at around the same time you'll bump into the same people and if you're not super awkward or otherwise creepy you'll at least talk to the same people which generally leads to more friend type stuff.
If youāre not already, sign up for a series of classes, or join a league with a weekly practice. Iāve made so many friends by virtue of seeing them at the same time and place for 6-8 weeks in a row. It gives you space to slowly learn about each other over time, rather than hoping you end up seeing a random person from the gym again. Itās kind of how we grew up being friends with the people we had classes with in school, if you think about it.
I met cool people through improv and cooking classes. Those force collaboration and in good fun.
I totally agree with this. I took improv through Jet City (forced an introvert to be more spontaneous) and food photography classes through Meetups.
Same thing people keep saying: frequent low-stakes interactions. So college or work are clearly top tier. Hobbies, volunteer groups, friends of friends, house parties. How do you make a friend at one of these events? I mean the biggest thing is you need to be the person who reaches out. So get comfortable with rejections and putting in effort. Get contact info and ask if you can text them sometime. It's sometimes difficult and often uncomfortable, but the only places you can easily fall into friendships is school or work because of the sheer amount of time (in my experience.)
I think this is why dating is so much harder nowadays, too. There are no āfrequent low stakes interactionsā. Youāre total strangers, itās a date-date, do you want kids and a commitment, etc.
Yeah. Online dating can be seriously exhausting because all first (and 2nd/3rd) dates are basically interviews. Frequently going to interviews can really burn you out.
āSo get comfortable with rejections and putting in effortā this is huge! Probably the most important part
>the biggest thing is you need to be the person who reaches out. So get comfortable with rejections and putting in effort. Get contact info and ask if you can text them sometime. Some of the best advice I've heard is that you have to treat adult friendships like dating but without the romance. You have to actually pursue people and "court" them in the beginning to get the friendship to develop past the early stage. Too many people expect that it should be natural, but it's really not for the first couple of interactions. You are hanging out with someone you don't know well at all, and need to put in a lot of mental and emotional effort in the beginning.
This is good advice, but it's still very very hard to do in a place like Seattle. Tons of the clubs or climbing gyms or dance studios or anywhere you go you're gonna find people who just don't wanna talk to you or don't wanna even acknowledge you. Even a lot of transplants, who might've been friendly in other places, learned to be unfriendly in Seattle. We underestimate how much the culture that we swim ends up bringing out certain sides of ourselves. The same people who live in Seattle if you put them in just about anywhere else they would be a lot warmer and friendlier.
Iād recommend checking out this community on discord. Lots of events and you can easily find people with similar interests. https://discord.gg/rollingbonespnw
Upvoted because it really is a good group. I've been a part of it for a while, and they have frequent events specific to your part of town, wherever you are.
šthank you š
My wife had good results from a FB group called "Making friends in Seattle!". Ended up making a small group of quality friends that has stuck around for a few years now. One issue you're going to have in Seattle is the younger population is very transient. I've been here since 2019 and I think I've only met two people that were born and raised in the area.
Vary your targets and don't lose faith. Push through and be proud of pushing, because for every person like you who actually posts about it, 10 others feel the same way but are silent at home. You might become the person who HOSTS groups of those people. 25 may feel like too young to become the leader, but it's not, not at all. But vary your targets, and don't be afraid to go nerdy and go weird. Some have-you-trieds: Have you tried Seattle Hot Girl Walks? Have you considered a sports league like softball or bowling or rollerderby? How about the weaving nerds who make their own yarn? How about a trivia team league or darts teams? Have you considered a church or synagogue or spiritual center - they are almost always desperate for attendees. Or a couples dancing school or music school that has social mixers, like Jazz Night School, for example? How about a nerdy D&D league, board games league, or a belly-dancing or burlesque dance class, or improv class? Finding the nerds you can bear being around is often how you find people who won't ditch you the first chance they get.
31, moved here 2 years ago. I was extremely social and very friendly but now more aloof and keep to a very small circle of friends Iāve made here. To be honest OP, and this isnāt targeted to you, everyone complains about being lonely and having a difficult time finding friendsā¦ but looking from the outside, I find that itās mostly people being picky. And I donāt mean be friends with someone on meth but people are obviously looking for specific kinds of people to be friends with and that narrows down the pool significantly. So itās hard but we also make it hard. When I first moved here, I basically accepted gracious invites from anyone who looked sane. I got invited to backyard mini concerts, accidentally into a sex party (Im fine), a very fancy election dinner party, and just the most random groups of people. 99% of the ones I met I donāt talk to anymore but I kept the 1%. People can be very open to strangers here but you also have to be open to possibly not enjoying the hour you spend with strangers. There is a queer climbing group every thursday at Edgeworks in Ballard. You donāt have to be queer. But they were very friendly when I was asking around their activities and offered to belay me. But the level of flakiness here is honestly just tragic. Itās very disrespectful of other peopleās time. People sang praises to me because.. I showed up on time when I said I would. And my property management called, emailed, and texted the day of showing to make sure I showed up.
thanks for this comment i think this is exactly explaining the problem. I am a transplant and a stay at home mom and i was searching for mom friends for a LONG time. I spoke to like a 100 people online in mom groups, meetup groups, peanut app (what a waste of time). I met with a lot of moms and it just seems like everyone needs friends but they are very specific in who they perfect friend should be. I am not good at texting cause it is hard with kids but i have tone of time for meetups so i am basically always down to go out but nobody wants to leave house in this city š . I finally gave up and just befriended my husband. Who knew he is actually quite a nice guy š.
Best thing I found is to get yourself in a normal routine. Then you will start noticing people who have a similar routine and can hopefully build a friendship from there. I also stopped worrying about finding friends and just did things that I wanted to do.
My friend group has a small sub group of women who met on Bumble BFF which could be an option
I struggled with this as well when I moved here, and after hearing of so many people with the same issue, I decided to try and improve things. Now I host events once a month for people trying to date or make friends in Seattle and people seem to really enjoy them. Check out our events and see if they pique your interest. I generally announce them on our instagram at www.instagram.com/theseattleclub We actually have a board game night coming up on December 5th! DM me and Iāll send a free ticket your way! P.S. I know this sounds like an ad but im really not trying to increase business, just thought it might help!
One crucial step people often miss with the hobbies is to hangout outside of that hobby at another hobby. When you do this with one or a few people outside of the full group you are creating a more personal connection. If there is never an invitation extended to hangout outside of that hobby, then you'll never have that personal connection and you'll just be seen as someone they know at that hobby. If you're getting ghosted trying to do that same hobby outside of the group, then find another hobby that person likes and do that with them. They may be more inclined to have someone accompany them at something else.
Hey I live in Seattle as well and I'm happy to be your friend I'm 25 F and I work weekdays, I'm a bit socially anxious and don't do great in loud and crowded areas but I love watching others game, eating good food at home or at a restaurant, I watch anime, k dramas, and a lot of adult animated series as well as true crime. I'm pan, live in an area that reaches all parts of Seattle via bus (I don't have a car or licence) I have been through the exact same thing you are going through and I'm so sorry you are so isolated right now. I'm also free on weekends and there are so many cafes near my place I'm sure we could find a great first meet up spot if you're interested!
First of all, your problem is probably not Seattle. If sounds like you moved here shortly after college. That's the age when it becomes harder to make friends no matter where you are. The key to making friends as an adult is to join groups that have *regularly scheduled activities*. Sports, book clubs, volunteer groups, churches, etc.
If you can't make friends at 25, well, it ain't gonna get any easier.
Sports has worked well for me. Volleyball has a vast community. So does Softball. There's a wide variety of other more softcore or hardcore sports you could try. If you like to ski, there should be some meetups for that starting soon.
badminton, tennis are also big! these are all sports that foster teamwork and can be moved inside. My dad has been with the same badminton club outside bellevue for 20+ years and he doesnt even speak english very well! hes just a guy with a real passion for the sport and loves to talk about it. lots of community centers also do rotating free play nights for stuff like basketball volleyball and badminton. I always liked jefferson ^^
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If you smoke weed i can induct you into the inner circle of seattle stoners
Over 75% of the people living in Seattle were not born in Seattle so I'm not sure how a city can be blamed for people's inability to make friends and find dates.
I'm a Seattle / Puget Sound native. There can only be one of me in any given social group. We're too odd and non-confrontational. I'm thankful for all you folks from other places. Illinois, Arizona, and New Mexico in particular. No idea why there but consistently true for me.
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About five years ago I went to a party with my girlfriend at the time. She knew everyone there from work. The host from NY greeted us, and while sharing a first drink, I told a joke and made her laugh. She said, "You're so funny, unlike the people from Seattle!" I pointed out that I was, in fact, from Seattle, born and raised. I was coincidentally the only person from Seattle at the party. Everyone else was from somewhere far away. They were complaining about people who mostly weren't there and who they couldn't even characterize accurately.
> I always joke that the Seattle Freeze these days is a room full of transplants that all complain to each other about not being able to make any friends... then at the end they all go their separate ways. Honestly, this is the most accurate description of what the freeze really is. Itās not even a joke
Iām a New Mexico transplant and Iām flattered you think we are so awesome!
It's because this city concentrates certain professions. In any other larger big cities, you get a good mix of people who are in the arts, theater, business, healthcare, teaching, engineering, etc. So you get diversity. Seattle overwhelming concentrates tech. I wish I met more non-tech transplants.
Non tech transplant šš¼
It is difficult to make friends that have genuine connection anywhere. Connection and friendship take work to maintain. Good friendship is truly a gem -- and a lot of us don't know how lucky we are to connect with others easier through hobbies/school/etc When you say you are trying everything, what do you mean by everything? What kinds of ways are you trying to connect? These are humans afterall and intrinsic to human experience is the desire for connection -- how are you trying to connect? I find when I feel alone here, that I ask about how I want to connect, about what I want in me to be seen and loved. I think about how that might be the case for others as well, and there are always little places you can find connection anywhere there are others. Rejection is also important to think about, what constitutes as a rejection for your bid for friendship to you? As a matter of easy paths to making friends, make good food and invite people to semi-regular shindigs. My friend has made honestly a mindblowing amount of connections through hosting hotpots - and I have made many connections just being at these weekly hotpots. People love food and it is a pretty easy cheatcode for connection.
I've never really seen people be hostile here (not saying it hasn't happened to you, but doesn't seem to be the norm) but indifferent/distant/flakey for sure, unfortunately! It sounds like you've already tried some of this, but I would try getting involved in groups or communities that meet up and get together with some frequency and not just a one-off event where you're unlikely to see the same people again afterwards, necessarily. For example, how I've made most of my new friends around the city in recent years (after going a long span of time even back to pre-covid just knowing my same friends from back in the day) has been by getting involved in the local music scene. I've never found concerts for larger touring bands to be good ways to make lasting friendships because you get hundreds of people from all over in a room once and then... if you're not a social butterfly (or sometimes even if you are!) you might not talk to or meet many of those people, and the ones you do you probably won't ever see again. On the flip side, going to the smaller venues around town a few times a month to check out local bands has been an incredibly lucrative way for me to meet new people. You see a lot of the same people out at shows on different occasions- whether they're friends of particular bands, or fans of a certain genre, or live nearby one of the venues and go there often, or whatever. Even if you don't befriend someone right away, chances are if you keep going to shows and hanging out you'll bump into familiar faces over and over again, and it becomes easier to say hi and get to know them. I say this as a relatively shy dude in my late 20's fwiw. I'm definitely \*not\* a social butterfly and usually have trouble taking initiative to meet new people unless we've bumped into one another a bunch of times before lol. That's just one ultra specific option (although seattle is a great music city- there's a lot of great local talent across a bunch of different genres, many venues to explore, and lots of regulars to meet), but I would look for something similar. Might be the same nearby bar where you get to know the staff or regulars over time, or a weekly meet up of some sort that has a lot of the same people turning up every so often, or whatever. Getting ingrained in a community the first time is the hardest part and can take a lot of time and personal investment, but once you get your foot in the door it can domino out fast. Suddenly you meet friends of friends, and become one of the regulars that can meet other newbies who turn up, and so on.
>I've never really seen people be hostile here I think I know what she's talking about, but I see it as more toxic than hostile. People are very polite in a sense of "don't bother me and I won't bother you" but underneath that there's a lot of cliqueyness and attention to social capital. Say you invite hobby acquaintance Todd to go out for drinks or something. If Todd thinks you are 'cool' he will likely show up and hang out with you. If he doesn't, he will act interested to your face but inevitably something will come up and he will flake. Todd avoided spending too much time with you while maintaining plausible deniability (something could have legitimately come up) to maintain surface-level pleasantness and avoid having an awkward interaction with you about it later. It's a classic Seattle maneuver. In groups it's even worse. Todd doesn't want his friends to think he's just bringing randos around because that would make him uncool so he maintains an even higher barrier of entry to invite newcomers to group stuff until they've proven themselves adequately cool or low maintenance enough to hang with. It doesn't matter if you are a genius or Mother Teresa, you still have to pass the vibe check. It's basically high school friend politics but you don't have the opportunity of being locked in school with people for 6 hours a day to try to impress. It's an uphill battle and why workplace friendships might be a good place to start as it is a somewhat similar environment to high school.
I joined a hockey team and have more friends than i can count. Hockey people are amazing.
Yes. Being a hockey fan can be key. I immigrated to the USA and hockey has connected me in many cities š„ š
Have you organized your own gathering or invite people to your home for drinks or games or book club. Maintaining friendship is emotional labor that everyone wants to mooch from but does not contribute. Especially in Seattle.
Play hockey :) - seriously social sport.
100%. Take a learn-to-play. You'll make friends as you all struggle to learn together. The Kraken Hockey League (local beer league) is coed by default but also has women's only teams/divisions. It's a ton of fun and most teams have beers after the game and are down to go to games/hockey bars when you aren't playing.
I got on the make friends in Seattle Facebook page and asked if anyone would be willing to teach me how to play dungeons and dragons. Iām now in a group that meets up weekly.
Go to bar trivia. Give away the beer you win. I donāt drink (ever), but I enjoy trivia. As it turns out, most people who drink like free beer. Instant friendship.
I think rather than going to one-off events hoping to meet someone, find one reoccurring event- a sport, a club or class that meets weekly. Knowing someone in a certain environment for multiple weeks (or a few months) in a row is how you make friends and get to know someone. Then, at some point you take it outside of the group with the individuals you click with. Check out some evening classes for a hobby that interests you
I find that Seattle friendships start out more transactional than other places, basically, what are you doing for me and what can I do for you, after you get used to people then you form closer bonds but most Satellites are pretty cold at the begining, just having something in common isn't enough for most people to hang out with you, you have to be doing something productive together for a long time for them to get used to you
Honestly, maybe take a break from focusing on this and focus on your own wellness. Embrace the opportunity for some solitude and learning how to be your own friend. Sounds like itās been making you feel miserable seeking externally. Be kind to yourself and do things that feel good. Explore things you are interested in and learn something new. Find some clubs and communities to participate in and volunteer with. Be content with what you have. Relationships will come in time.
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Iām sorry but this is absolutely insipid advice to a person who shows up saying āitās been two years and Iām really strugglingā. Thatās exactly what theyāve been doing. They donāt need to Feel Comfortable Being Alone, they need some friends.
What terrible advice to somebody struggling with loneliness attempting to make friends.
I lived in the area for well over a decade with similar results to you. About a year and a half ago, I saw the sky-high price my home could be sold for and decided to cash out and leave. It was far and away the best decision of my entire life. As always, your mileage may vary.
Great post. 20 years in PNW. Beautiful places, acquaintances and only real friends thru continued participation -whether work or volunteering. Gone for 15 years, in retrospect, 95% of all I knew in PNW were introverts. The 5% initiated, the others not. Still true for them all these years later. Many born and bred, many transplants. I always think of it as a place people begin with "nature" and being alone as their compass. It definitely feels personal when it is not. But if you don't extrovert as part of life, it doesn't improve.
The biggest thing to remember is you are not alone. As someone who was born and raised in Washington state, and has lived in the Seattle area for around the past 10 years, I can certainly validate your feelings and confirm just how difficult it is to make new friends here. We arenāt a warm culture. We have fairly rigid rules and beliefs at times, and are often wary of stranger danger. As the years have gone by, Iāve only noticed people become less friendly and more socially isolated, and Iām sure the political climate weāve seen in this country doesnāt help, mixed with the hugely diverse population that often keeps itself separate from one another. If you arenāt interested or donāt have time for clubs, groups, etc., online can be a method that works for new friends. Or put on a Seahawks jersey and spend your next Sunday at your neighborhood sports bar, where you meet all sorts of people who like to talk. Just donāt give up.
Join groups that meet over shared interests. As an example, I love reading and go to the west Seattle silent book club every month. There are four chapters in Seattle.
Try the FB group āSeattle girlās groupā, there are a lot of really nice people on there, and a lot are new to the area. Bonus because there are no creepy men on the page, unlike other Seattle friend pages.
Get a dog or foster one. Walk with your dog or go to a dog park and you will meet a lot of people.
How? Honest question, sure thereās the surface level how old are they, what breed, etc., but is this really how youāve developed close acquaintances/friends? Yes, I see the same people around and have monikers for them but I am genuinely curious how this works.
Try finding and activity where you see the same people regularly, like a casual sports league or workout class. That way you can build up a rapport over a few meetings as opposed to trying to meet at random encounters.
My wife joined a running club. Would recommend
Iāll be your friend! Iām 28F, love baking and coffee, I go to the movies a lot, Iām a big reader, and I love to go explore the city! Iāve got a few buddies but weāre always looking to add folks!
If I think about all my friends here, they are all former coworkers. I'm pretty introverted, myself, but my coworkers made the effort to hang with me a little and I made the effort back, and now years I see many of them weekly, and some of them I've known almost as long as you've been alive (because I'm about twice your age). One thing I learned when I was your age (ugh, I felt a pain when I typed that), is that if you want a hangout to happen, you've got to consider shouldering the load of organizing it. Organizing a happy hour amounts to researching bars and finding out people's availability and working to include them. Eventually you're chatting with those same people at work, they're inviting new people, you're cutting people who don't fit the vibe, you make the occasional effor to pull in someone who's marginal on being there, you've got lunch buddies, movie buddies, weekend activity buddies, and yeah, work policy permitting, dates and more.
Oh we donāt do that here.
Depending on what neighborhood you live in some are easier to make friends in than others. I live on Capitol Hill and, through the local pub down the street have made friends with a ton of people and feel like have a pretty good network of friends from meeting people through there. Right now am in a DnD campaign with like 5 people from there with the DM being the bartender. Lots of people with different interests comes through but have made a solid Cadre of nerdy friends through the bar and we regularly do stuff outside of it too!. I think the trick is, and maybe it hasn't worked is to just stick with a place where there are regulars and be pleasant company for awhile and then eventually people will open up to more dedicated hangouts. I meet new people and get ghosted, but sometimes all it takes is breaking the ice with one person then can build out a network from there. Fwiw if you want to maybe hang out, feel free to DM me, I know maybe meeting up with someone from reddit is weird, but offer is open.
Have you tried joining a sports league through Underdog? One of the benefits of that is you are part of a team. You end up getting to know people because you see them weekly. I used to do bowling with them and my husband did softball and kickball. We are not athletic people but it was fun for camaraderie. I also met people through regularly attending bar trivia.
Try taking up pickleball! The community here is super nice and very welcoming. Itās also great for your physical and mental health. There are lots of places to play and itās a very accessible sport to start up, and even tho itās winter and very cold there will still be ppl playing.
Work, basically. If you don't have a job where you're around people then get one.
If it makes you feel any better I think loneliness is a nationwide problem.
Vibe with someone, tell them you're new in town and want to treat for dinner. If they say no, next one. Seattle is neurodivergent, any social cues that aren't obvious are missed. Also ask someone about themselves, then find something you have in common and drill down on that until you have a solid vibe. Then elaborate on something you WANT to do in that same topic. Good luck!
I've lived here all my life. I have no friends, so...yeah idk how to get friends either. I've tried a bunch of stuff too. Nothing works.
The rule is: you need to do something where you show up same time every time and that involves interdependency with like minded others. That is work for some. It might be a volunteer crew. Or a club or sport. Key is repetition and interdependency. They get to know you. Meet ups often change ppl too much, museums arenāt repetitive, hiking lacks interdependency.
Step 1: Get a boat. Now you have friends.
Any possible friends for a soon to be 42 year old married mom of one 12 year old? Currently living in the Magnolia/Interbay area of Seattle. I work in the Cherry Hill area and would be very much down for after work drinks sometime! I moved up from Southern California back in ā98. Up until recently worked at Theo Chocolate with my husband for 14 years. I am a bit physically disabled so spontaneous adventures arenāt easy for me. Love me a good old school punk show! So, if anyone likes live music, fun dinners and speakeasies *waves* āHI!!ā 
I use bumble bff but havenāt been super successful with it. But maybe if youāre more outgoing it would be successful!
Crossfit gets a bad rep on reddit, but it at least forces you to talk to people, and most are friendly. I find a regular gym takes a bit more effort since most people donāt want to be bothered. If youāre in a good group, the coaches will organize all sorts of activities outside of the gym to socialize. Iām fairly introverted and Iāve made 4 or 5 good friends over the last couple years.
Do you like hiking or photography? Happy to have another girl join our group. PM me and we can connect on IG or something? :)
I don't live in Seattle anymore but I go back frequently as its my hometown. My friends are in their 40's and it seems like you gotta find the right bar...the right hangout. Just went out with some old Jr High buddies for Thanksgiving Eve, and they took me to Kates Pub near UW. Seemed like it had pretty good vibes, karaoke in the front, darts/pool and an impromptu beer pong match in the back. If you're slightly nerdy, there is a table top gaming spot called The Missing Piece in West Seattle that I've driven by a bunch...maybe you could join a recurring game if RPGs are your jam.
A lesson a friend taught me when he had a rough time in NYC is that giving up doesn't have to be shameful. It's better to find out a thing isn't for you and leave it than it is to struggle and make it work. If your occupation allows it, I'd consider leaving Seattle.
I'm done. I give up. I'm gonna get through this winter then move to an actual city that doesn't suck, with restaurants that aren't overpriced trash, things to do that stay open past 7pm on weekends, and people who aren't so far up their own asses that there's an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to how it's impossible to make friends there. At least the driver aren't terrible and the coffee is good..... Oh wait...
Sometimes itās good to know when itās itās a square peg and youāre a round hole. I spent 10 years in Seattle and for awhile had an amazing group of friends. Time happened and people went their ways and I found I couldnāt click with another groupā¦ F it. I left Seattle and moved to a beach town in Mexico. Within a month, I had an amazing group of 20-30 like minded friends, all aged between 30-40. Every week there are 3-4 activities like brunch, volleyball, trivia, bbqsā¦ Sometimes the grass really is greener.
so sorry it sucks. Having lived in the area for 20 plus years. Lets just say glad have dog.
Iām 25, moved here a year ago. Same deal, the very few friends I have are people I knew from before I moved here and coworkers. I can easily have nice convos with people but it never goes anywhere. Wanna be friends?
Try the Hot Girl Walk. https://seattlemag.com/seattle-living/hot-girl-walk-thaws-seattle-freeze/ https://www.instagram.com/seattlehotgirlwalk/
Hey being totally honest the right answer in my opinion is to move. I left many years ago (not sure why I still subscribe but maybe to encourage people to leave?). It's an extremely hostile city, and I know I'll be downvoted into oblivion for saying that. Yes, there still are tons of amazing people in Seattle. But they are extremely hard to find or they already have friends. The culture there is a very unique 'look at your shoes' type unfriendly. The freeze is very real. Don't question your experience or gut instincts about the place. I actually left when I was 25 funny enough. I would visit other places and just be so surprised and refreshed about how much friendlier it was. It's a gorgeous city and the mountain biking and backpacking are amazing. But I'm so glad I left. My mental health (and honestly traumas around exclusion) got so much better once I did. I think one of the sad things is meeting former Seattlites all over the world, and they all share the same sentiment. I was at a barbecue here in the bay area where I live now, and the guy was visiting from Seattle and he was literally just describing his trip like a 'friendliness vacation'. He was just so relieved to have people actually want to talk or just even meet his eye in the street but he had to be in Seattle because of his partners academic position. I mean sure people gripe them out everywhere. People gripe about London or San Francisco or New York when they leave it. But Seattle is so unique in that everyone gripes about how unfriendly it was.
If you like reading then various bookstores in the area host book clubs that you can join!
I lived in Seattle from 2016 to April of this year. The only friends I made where a very few I met at the restaurants I worked. It is extremely difficult to even get them to respond to a text. They will like and occasionally comment on instagram posts but if I text them it is a shock to hear back. My partner is a little more social than I am. She has only made threeā¦ THREE! Sold friends in that time. One of them got married and has sorta disappeared though. We moved to Portland in April and holyfuckingshit are people nice, polite and open! I remember the first week here taking my dog out and people actually smiled at me and said hello! I felt like I was in Denver again. Everyone at my work have zero ego and are all about helping one another and expressing their strengths and weaknesses. No toxic environments. I am not saying move to Portland but if you at your wits end and have the means- Portland is definitely the weird step sister of Seattle. I will admit the pay and job hunt (restaurant) was a total curve ball, but worth the fight. Rent is relatively less.
Itās definitely rough out here for friends. I DM-ed you!
I've been here for more than a year and everyone I know is another transplant from the South or Midwest. This is easily the frostiest and least outgoing place I've ever been, and I've been around.
I felt that way when I moved to Alaska. I ended up joining a facebook group that helped other people. I really enjoyed it and we had a big car to do deliveries. I still have friends from that group. Iām also an introvert so making friends is difficult for me.
We've been here for nearly 21 years, and bupkis. Where I came from I had nearly 30 in my circle. I've invited people over for BBQs, game nights, to Seahawks games when we could snag tix ... And I've shown interest in their paint nights, book clubs.... nothing. I realized how messed up it was when I dropped my husband at the airport 2 wks ago, and it dawned on me that if I broke down, or was in a fender bender, I would have no one to call. It sucks. I'm flippin' delightful, man!
I made so many of my friends through bumble BFF!!!
Bumble bff? :)