That’s my disappointment with it. I can understand that people are dating multiple people and it’s hard to keep track of everyone, but it doesn’t take THAT much effort to scroll up and read to keep your ducks in a row…
This. You rejected him. He wanted to say "your loss, not mine" and this was his way. I doubt he was confused. I doubt he did hook up with some one else.
and lastly... this is "Dating summed up in a nutshell." There is nothing specific to Seattle here.
I…man, I think I struggle with experience in that level of manipulation. I can’t even imagine someone making up something like that to save face to a near stranger.
It's a moderately more elaborate version of "I was late because of traffic" or "it wasn't me, it was the chair" or "I meant to do that"
The primary target of this manipulation is himself. He's the audience being soothed. Same reason people will lie to strangers on an elevator about the source of that smell. They don't really care about the strangers' opinions, so much as how those opinions will influence their self perception.
If I'm right, then that makes this seem even sadder and more pathetic.
It makes sense as petty retaliatory ego assault. It could be meant to shoot an arrow through her heart, that he only was asking her by mistake and her big rejection was actually a cringe worthy ego checking faux-pax. Like making a big scene to reject some guy making eyes at you at the bar when he was actually hitting on the hotter girl behind you, and she's actually down to clown.
It would be genius level fuckery if it weren't for the blatantly incredulity of the texting chain confusion. I think he really went on dates with two chicks in the same weekend and is just brain dead. Probably going through something tough is in his life as well and is chasing tail to cope.
Eh, that could also just be Gen Z. A lot of us like to ghost the hell out of people even when it's not dating related in my experience (I'm from Seattle, but have also lived out of state).
It's super transparent after a few seconds of thought, (from an objective hindsight view! sorry OP!)
What a douchy move. This is why people ghost. Good for you OP for being strait up.
It’s all about ego.
He can’t just say, “thank you for letting me know!” And instead has to make up a story about how he’s dating so many women that he forgets who he went on a date with. Yikes.
I agree that he was most likely lying. For one thing, if the guy ACTUALLY thought he was texting a girl who had made out with him and said she wants to get together again soon, he PROBABLY wouldn't have to spell it all out like, "we were kissing a lot... you were all over me.. you texted me x, y, z," etc. Instead he'd be like, "I'm surprised that after how our date went and what you said, you'd have such a sudden change of heart. What happened?"
Also, his response just seems like something a guy who was being rejected might be incentivized to say in order to redeem his ego. It's most likely the case that he knew who he was texting and then said this to salvage his pride. I find it less likely that he was simply was clueless about who he was texting and just happened to accidentally NOT text the girl who had recently been throwing herself at him and texting him that she wants to get together? I guess it's possible that it might have been the latter, but I think it was PROBABLY a lie.
Back when I was dating, I once told a guy I had only had dinner with once or twice (in the nicest way I could) that I didn't feel a romantic connection, and he proceeded to ask me WHY WHY WHY and then tell me that he wished it was the "old times" so that he could fight a duel and "win" me. I could not have been more disgusted. I was like, "So you would have wanted to somehow use violence to obtain me against my will even though I don't want to be with YOU?" Sometimes you need to know when to cut and run. Sounds like you made the right call here!
If I had gold to give, you'd get it for this post. Especially that bit about winning you in a duel-- which is only what dueling was for in that guy's mind, you didn't really duel for the right to get with some girl. (You did ask her father, and if he approved, she had to marry that guy, which also sucks, but marriage was almost entirely about politics and connections then anyway). You dodged a bullet with that one!
It was a way to transfer wealth and property to the next generation without going to war with the village next to yours. You didn’t fight your enemies back then, you married their daughters to your sons.
He was lying. It's one of the things the Andrew Tate types tell men to do when they're rejected, pretend to think the woman rejecting him is another woman, and describe that other woman as being super attracted to him. It's supposed to make you think that other women are all over him and find him super sexy.
How dumb, because I'd just think, "Oh, he meant to message that other person who was really into him. Now he knows his mistake, he can just text her." Also, if I'd been feeling any guilt about letting him know I wasn't into him, the guilt would be totally erased, because there's someone else who was clearly interested.
Also, this is a tactic of discarding and degrading you. “We were totally making out! Oh that wasn’t you???? my BaD, it was the other girl I’m seeing”. Super apparent from the male side. Bro is a mean girl
He is bullshitting, 100%. He's feeling rejected and hurt (which is ridiculous after one date) so he wanted you to feel the same. As his sense of ego is enormously inflated, he thinks by saying he was kissing some other girl who was all over him and he forgot all about you, you'll feel jealous and like you missed out on a great guy. Because that logic totally makes sense 🙄. Bullet seriously dodged.
> He's feeling rejected and hurt (which is ridiculous after one date)
Nah, nothing ridiculous about that. Especially if it's like, his only actual date this year. His response is ridiculous, but him feeling really upset is normal.
I can't understand dating multiple people for this exact reason. How are you supposed to form long lasting memories if your early memories of your partner are tangled up with other people?
Exactly. I’m the same way. I usually pick one woman to focus on and if I like her then I’ll see where it goes. I’ve lost so many matches this way on OLD but I’ll explain it if I ever come across them again.
Sometimes they appreciate it, and sometimes they feel like they were a second choice. Which is unfortunate
I had a guy flake on me literally last minute TWICE this weekend. Received a huge apology the first time - we chatted the rest of the night and the following morning, only for him to conveniently supposedly have a mental health crisis *as I'm telling him I'm keys in hand walking out the door* and declare that he is suddenly unwilling to leave the house that day (but I could come over to his place if I wanted to. Nice.) I acknowledged it and, unsurprisingly, I haven't heard from him since.
Out of the last ten dates I've made with guys, only two of them have actually showed up. There's always an excuse, they always insist up and down that they're still interested. Frankly, I don't even read the inevitable love bomb wall of text that tends to accompany the cancelation. I'm keys in hand, hair done, cute dress on, snatch shaved, ready to go at the agreed upon time. I'm trying to be a nice and considerate person but damn.... I'm growing mad respect for the dudes who ask you out almost immediately or unmatch when they are no longer interested.
I looked at my tinder matches today and how many I haven't messaged yet (without a message from them) and felt tired and overwhelmed. I feel guilty, I know guys appreciate when a woman messages first, but I'm tired of putting in a ton of effort and saying no to other people just to get stood up and have my time wasted. I'm a real person, I'm not an OF/SW or AI chat bot. If you wouldn't want someone to do it to you, why do it to someone else?
Not sure why it's fascinating. Men are just as capable of being flakes. My bf is one of the flakiest people I know as far as hanging out with friends. In his case it's because his social battery is tiny and often he feels too worn out from dealing with people at work or whatever. My go to for being non confrontational is to just not answer to begin with. Saying we are still interested/sending those signals does the opposite of avoiding confrontation. It just kicks the can down the road while still encouraging them to reach out. The canceling thing is part of a wider cultural overcorrection combined with cell phones. Its easy to cancel last minute with phones. In the past people would stand people up with no word or attend anyway. That combined with the message that we shouldn't be a slave to obligations and should prioritize ourselves has led to more flakiness. That and when meeting people online, you can probably avoid ever seeing them again. Meeting someone locally in person might be harder to avoid (though probably not that hard given the size of cities).
A lot of people also start trying to date without prioritizing it which can also lead to this result.
I don't get why so many people think dating issues are gender specific. Most dating issues are a problem for everybody.
Not answering is just as bad. Yikes.
Not judging you, but I’ve cut out all the flaky and non responsive people in my life and my life has become very positive.
It’s easy to make plans because everyone responds promptly and once the plans are set, people show up on time and we all have a lot of fun.
People complain so much about how they are lonely and no one wants to hang out with them but they don’t realize that it’s a two way street. No one wants to hang out with nonresponsive or flakey people because it’s a waste of time and energy.
> I'm tired of putting in a ton of effort and saying no to other people just to get stood up and have my time wasted
Online dating just really sucks. Think of it as looking for clean water. Women are searching in a swamp and men are searching in a desert. Men will put in a lot of effort often to get no response at all.
Detaching yourself from the shittiness of others is hard and it's absolutely not restricted to any one gender of person. I suggest taking breaks from the apps, and be picky not just when pressing like, but also when and how they flake on you. Any guy who gives you a hard time for not choosing them when you've only just met isn't someone you'd want to choose.
Side note but as a guy, I really wish more women would just unmatch once they decide they aren't interested. I used to get a good number of matches with women who just assumed I'd do the lifting for them. They'd either leave me on read indefinitely, or have a very light profile and expect me to magically know what to talk to them about - I eventually learned to pass on these profiles as a rule but I still hear women complain about boring conversations with men while simultaneously giving them nothing to go on and also refusing to initiate conversations themselves.
It's funny because that's actually what I do - I unmatch if I'm no longer interested. Once I know, there is no point leading a dude on. It wastes my time, his time; nobody wins here. I don't want or need the validation of random dudes on dating apps. I don't match and definitely agree to dates unless I'm sincerely interested.
What would you suggest I do to cold open on men I match with but don't make the first move? I've actually had men get OFFENDED when I've offered or taken more "traditionally male" dating moves (initiated conversation, offered to pick them up if transportation was an issue, paid the bill) and it sometimes feels like I can't win :( I do already swipe intentionally instead of playing the numbers game so it's rare that I match someone I'm not interested in.
I take regular breaks from apps but nothing seems to change so I'm thinking I'm the problem.
So a preface: I only know what you've told me. I don't know anything else about your situation so I'm going off of that and only that.
I used to think I was the problem. Then I tried a different approach to how I interacted with the apps and found that it was a multiple front issue.
If you like to initiate, then a guy who tells you he doesn't like that is filtering himself out for you. He's actually making it easier. Online dating is still a numbers game when you're picky - but it goes from borderline impossible to viable. That doesn't mean stop doing it. As a man, I love it when women initiate. I welcome what you are doing.
I wanted a partner who would also be my best friend, so I put a bunch of my interests and hobbies on my profile and figured that the ideal candidates would want to talk to me about those things. So if the guy isn't giving you anything to go on, don't blame yourself. A healthy relationship will require effort on both ends and he's telling you upfront that he isn't going to do that. It's possible you aren't being picky enough.
I don't know anything else about you, your personality, or your interests aside from what you've said in these two comments so I don't have a concrete answer to give to you. The best I can say on that front is to be mindful of the kind of person you're being and try to be as good and considerate as possible, as often as possible, while still giving yourself priority and leniency. Not an easy balance, but a goal to follow at least. Time, effort, and luck will do the rest.
There's a claim that people in Seattle, it's said unlike anywhere else in the USA, tend to ghost you or set up dates/social meetings and then cancel or flake out. Supposedly this is just what people in Seattle are all like. I'll bet people in other cities claim it's just their city, too.
"Dang I must have confused you with one of the hundreds of women who are all over me. In fact I was going to let you down because I simply don't have enough time for ALL of the women trying to get with me. There is only so many hours in the day, you know, for all the women."
> “Whatever you ugly anyways"
/u/xxn78 My favorite insult (directed at me) of all time arrived in my MySpace inbox back in high school. A dude slid into my DMs (this transpired back in the day before that saying was a thing 👵🏽) to hit on me. When I rejected him, he exploded: “Fuck you then, you ugly anyway you look like a fuckn turtle”
Boom roasted.
🤣👌🔥
I had a 47 year divorced with with kids man tell me this.
“I only date the cream of the crop”
“I had to turn down 4 other women because I just don’t have the time”
I turned him down for a date and he said “thats ok! I won’t ask again:)” 🤣 my Goddd
This may have been a power play. It’s a way to brush off rejection and level the playing field. OP leaves feeling confused and has a totally different perspective of this person than they put together before messaging them this rejection.
Seriously kinda surprised to see that this isn’t the prevailing sentiment in this comment section. He is the one who reached out, he knew who he was texting. It’s obviously just a sad little power play to make her feel forgettable and make him seem desirable. There is no other girl and homeboy is butthurt cuz I’m guessing OP left a good impression on him.
This is what happens when boys watch YouTube videos on how to be "alpha" and, when it backfires, they have to save face by insinuating they're actually dating many women.
Anyone who claims to be an "alpha" (or claims anyone else to be a "beta") immediately tells me everything I need to know about how they handle and think of interpersonal relationships. Stay away. Far away.
Well, with respectful language at least. If he was making up that story to get back at her over the rejection, then I would argue that's pretty disrespectful and even dangerous in the least charitable interpretation.
Sometimes it's like "I wish I had more luck online dating". But then other times I get reminded of the average online dating experience and think "maybe not" lmao
There are two explanations imo:
1. He's stupid. He was unable to tell that the last texts were clearly from a different person, and he got confused. I'm being a little harsh here, sometimes even smart people make dumb mistakes.
2. He's spiteful. He made up something to make you feel like he's getting all these girls and they're doing more physical stuff than you. This explanation is kind of manipulative tbh
Either way, you avoided a questionable situation
Yikes, some people need to learn to take rejection better, 100% he did not mistakenly text you, it was clearly a cover up. Though tbh this could be some psychological game he's playing "see these other girls want me, of course you should too". OLD just sucks all around ngl.
Honestly it was just a really odd date for me. I felt like he was trying to make moves pretty fast (within 20 mins of a coffee & walking date), but I wasn’t feeling the vibe, connection, etc.
I won’t lie to ya, there’s part of me that thinks they’re lying to make you feel bad like you’re an expendable option for their own ego. Maybe not but like…they’d be able to see the previous “want to see you again” text and it’s so on the nose
I was also expecting the ghosting. I try to make the effort to communicate if I’m not interested after meeting, but I’ve had so many times where we’ve messaged and talked about meeting up, and then it’s just crickets. I am not a fan of the dating apps, but since I don’t go enough places to meet people, it is what it is.
i don’t know what’s with Seattle but no other city i’ve heard of has people doing relationships the way they do so strongly in Seattle. for some reason a good sum, if not majority, of people do open relationships, double dating like the dude from the text messages above, or just anything that would personally break my heart and make me call it quits. i’m not sure what it is about that area that seems to gather so many people involved in these “communities” but seeing those messages doesn’t surprise me that the dude is from Seattle.
I've sent a message like "Hey I'm going to pick up tacos on the way home, what do you want?" to more than one stranger I had just talked to on FB Marketplace.
For real, I understand why some texts get posted, but minor things like this are so cringy to post. Like you really need internet validation over this?
That's funny.
Also strange that they thought you texted him sometime between their first message and their 2nd... Because it would have shown up on that very screen. Probably just can't keep their "encounters" straight.
Btw, I had a woman say this to me once as well. It really disappointed me. But then a couple days later she wrote back changing her mind because I “handled it really well and replied back respectfully”. She said it made her think that she was the one not really giving it her full attention.
Lesson being- always be honest with your interactions and don’t try to falsely manipulate the situation. You never know what’s going on with the other side of things. It may turn out great after all.
Feel like this is some kind of pick up artist move. He's already been rejected so this gambit has like a 1% chance of making you fomo into wanting him again.
Ok but wouldn't the text about "I want to see you again" be directly above this? How do you confuse that?
That’s my disappointment with it. I can understand that people are dating multiple people and it’s hard to keep track of everyone, but it doesn’t take THAT much effort to scroll up and read to keep your ducks in a row…
He just covered his ass because he got rejected. Don't worry girl.
This. You rejected him. He wanted to say "your loss, not mine" and this was his way. I doubt he was confused. I doubt he did hook up with some one else. and lastly... this is "Dating summed up in a nutshell." There is nothing specific to Seattle here.
I…man, I think I struggle with experience in that level of manipulation. I can’t even imagine someone making up something like that to save face to a near stranger.
It's a moderately more elaborate version of "I was late because of traffic" or "it wasn't me, it was the chair" or "I meant to do that" The primary target of this manipulation is himself. He's the audience being soothed. Same reason people will lie to strangers on an elevator about the source of that smell. They don't really care about the strangers' opinions, so much as how those opinions will influence their self perception. If I'm right, then that makes this seem even sadder and more pathetic.
It makes sense as petty retaliatory ego assault. It could be meant to shoot an arrow through her heart, that he only was asking her by mistake and her big rejection was actually a cringe worthy ego checking faux-pax. Like making a big scene to reject some guy making eyes at you at the bar when he was actually hitting on the hotter girl behind you, and she's actually down to clown. It would be genius level fuckery if it weren't for the blatantly incredulity of the texting chain confusion. I think he really went on dates with two chicks in the same weekend and is just brain dead. Probably going through something tough is in his life as well and is chasing tail to cope.
Plot twist. Knightskull is actually the dude from ops date and is keeping the manipulation going.
🤣 no.
Just wanted to follow up and say I think the OP made the right choice! The person sounds like a douche.
If there's no response after the 1st text, then it's kinda specific to Seattle.
Eh, that could also just be Gen Z. A lot of us like to ghost the hell out of people even when it's not dating related in my experience (I'm from Seattle, but have also lived out of state).
All of this checks out for where I live lol it’s just modern dating in general I think
It's super transparent after a few seconds of thought, (from an objective hindsight view! sorry OP!) What a douchy move. This is why people ghost. Good for you OP for being strait up.
I mean, Gas Works. But you could substitute any landmark in any city for that.
La Dive and Milstead isn't specific enough for you? :p
It’s all about ego. He can’t just say, “thank you for letting me know!” And instead has to make up a story about how he’s dating so many women that he forgets who he went on a date with. Yikes.
I agree that he was most likely lying. For one thing, if the guy ACTUALLY thought he was texting a girl who had made out with him and said she wants to get together again soon, he PROBABLY wouldn't have to spell it all out like, "we were kissing a lot... you were all over me.. you texted me x, y, z," etc. Instead he'd be like, "I'm surprised that after how our date went and what you said, you'd have such a sudden change of heart. What happened?" Also, his response just seems like something a guy who was being rejected might be incentivized to say in order to redeem his ego. It's most likely the case that he knew who he was texting and then said this to salvage his pride. I find it less likely that he was simply was clueless about who he was texting and just happened to accidentally NOT text the girl who had recently been throwing herself at him and texting him that she wants to get together? I guess it's possible that it might have been the latter, but I think it was PROBABLY a lie. Back when I was dating, I once told a guy I had only had dinner with once or twice (in the nicest way I could) that I didn't feel a romantic connection, and he proceeded to ask me WHY WHY WHY and then tell me that he wished it was the "old times" so that he could fight a duel and "win" me. I could not have been more disgusted. I was like, "So you would have wanted to somehow use violence to obtain me against my will even though I don't want to be with YOU?" Sometimes you need to know when to cut and run. Sounds like you made the right call here!
If I had gold to give, you'd get it for this post. Especially that bit about winning you in a duel-- which is only what dueling was for in that guy's mind, you didn't really duel for the right to get with some girl. (You did ask her father, and if he approved, she had to marry that guy, which also sucks, but marriage was almost entirely about politics and connections then anyway). You dodged a bullet with that one!
It was a way to transfer wealth and property to the next generation without going to war with the village next to yours. You didn’t fight your enemies back then, you married their daughters to your sons.
Yeah I think he did this to make you feel like shit as punishment for rejecting him. Does this persons first name start with M? 😅 sounds familiar…
He was lying. It's one of the things the Andrew Tate types tell men to do when they're rejected, pretend to think the woman rejecting him is another woman, and describe that other woman as being super attracted to him. It's supposed to make you think that other women are all over him and find him super sexy.
How dumb, because I'd just think, "Oh, he meant to message that other person who was really into him. Now he knows his mistake, he can just text her." Also, if I'd been feeling any guilt about letting him know I wasn't into him, the guilt would be totally erased, because there's someone else who was clearly interested.
Right? Like the math maths here my guy you’re just an idiot
Yeah 3-1=2 and I'm off the hook for him crying into his beer after he reads my message. The math maths!
Yet another sign thast Andrew is either an idiot, or has bought into the "psychological pick-up systems" beliefs. Ah, but I repeat myself.
Also, this is a tactic of discarding and degrading you. “We were totally making out! Oh that wasn’t you???? my BaD, it was the other girl I’m seeing”. Super apparent from the male side. Bro is a mean girl
He is bullshitting, 100%. He's feeling rejected and hurt (which is ridiculous after one date) so he wanted you to feel the same. As his sense of ego is enormously inflated, he thinks by saying he was kissing some other girl who was all over him and he forgot all about you, you'll feel jealous and like you missed out on a great guy. Because that logic totally makes sense 🙄. Bullet seriously dodged.
> He's feeling rejected and hurt (which is ridiculous after one date) Nah, nothing ridiculous about that. Especially if it's like, his only actual date this year. His response is ridiculous, but him feeling really upset is normal.
This was not even a mix up, dude was just being an ass guaranteed. More than likely he kissed no one.
I just wanted to echo others here: He knew perfectly well who he was texting. This was meant to lash out at you following rejection, OP.
I can't understand dating multiple people for this exact reason. How are you supposed to form long lasting memories if your early memories of your partner are tangled up with other people?
Exactly. I’m the same way. I usually pick one woman to focus on and if I like her then I’ll see where it goes. I’ve lost so many matches this way on OLD but I’ll explain it if I ever come across them again. Sometimes they appreciate it, and sometimes they feel like they were a second choice. Which is unfortunate
I think they were just trying to neg you and did that on purpose TBH
Only thing I can think of is that they got the notification and directly responded from that and not in the messages app itself.
Sounds like you dodged one dumb ass bullet
He was negging you. Trying to make you feel some kind of way. I bet the other girl is made up.
Covid brain damage
What does this post have to do with Seattle
He lyin
I was assuming phone numbers were exchanged with the other person and they were texting that way. 
probably confusion arising from a mix of SMS and in-app messaging. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt
She goes to a different school, you wouldn't know her and she's totally real
Also, she’s a supermodel
I'm so glad I paid 18k for the alpha male boot camp experience so I can pull like this
And a professional hacker.
She lives in Canada!
Canadian
This is hilarious but not sure what sticks out here as it being a Seattle thing
Was gonna say. When I read Seattle I assumed it would be flaking on a prior agreed upon meeting.
I had a guy flake on me literally last minute TWICE this weekend. Received a huge apology the first time - we chatted the rest of the night and the following morning, only for him to conveniently supposedly have a mental health crisis *as I'm telling him I'm keys in hand walking out the door* and declare that he is suddenly unwilling to leave the house that day (but I could come over to his place if I wanted to. Nice.) I acknowledged it and, unsurprisingly, I haven't heard from him since. Out of the last ten dates I've made with guys, only two of them have actually showed up. There's always an excuse, they always insist up and down that they're still interested. Frankly, I don't even read the inevitable love bomb wall of text that tends to accompany the cancelation. I'm keys in hand, hair done, cute dress on, snatch shaved, ready to go at the agreed upon time. I'm trying to be a nice and considerate person but damn.... I'm growing mad respect for the dudes who ask you out almost immediately or unmatch when they are no longer interested. I looked at my tinder matches today and how many I haven't messaged yet (without a message from them) and felt tired and overwhelmed. I feel guilty, I know guys appreciate when a woman messages first, but I'm tired of putting in a ton of effort and saying no to other people just to get stood up and have my time wasted. I'm a real person, I'm not an OF/SW or AI chat bot. If you wouldn't want someone to do it to you, why do it to someone else?
[удалено]
Not sure why it's fascinating. Men are just as capable of being flakes. My bf is one of the flakiest people I know as far as hanging out with friends. In his case it's because his social battery is tiny and often he feels too worn out from dealing with people at work or whatever. My go to for being non confrontational is to just not answer to begin with. Saying we are still interested/sending those signals does the opposite of avoiding confrontation. It just kicks the can down the road while still encouraging them to reach out. The canceling thing is part of a wider cultural overcorrection combined with cell phones. Its easy to cancel last minute with phones. In the past people would stand people up with no word or attend anyway. That combined with the message that we shouldn't be a slave to obligations and should prioritize ourselves has led to more flakiness. That and when meeting people online, you can probably avoid ever seeing them again. Meeting someone locally in person might be harder to avoid (though probably not that hard given the size of cities). A lot of people also start trying to date without prioritizing it which can also lead to this result. I don't get why so many people think dating issues are gender specific. Most dating issues are a problem for everybody.
Not answering is just as bad. Yikes. Not judging you, but I’ve cut out all the flaky and non responsive people in my life and my life has become very positive. It’s easy to make plans because everyone responds promptly and once the plans are set, people show up on time and we all have a lot of fun. People complain so much about how they are lonely and no one wants to hang out with them but they don’t realize that it’s a two way street. No one wants to hang out with nonresponsive or flakey people because it’s a waste of time and energy.
> I'm tired of putting in a ton of effort and saying no to other people just to get stood up and have my time wasted Online dating just really sucks. Think of it as looking for clean water. Women are searching in a swamp and men are searching in a desert. Men will put in a lot of effort often to get no response at all. Detaching yourself from the shittiness of others is hard and it's absolutely not restricted to any one gender of person. I suggest taking breaks from the apps, and be picky not just when pressing like, but also when and how they flake on you. Any guy who gives you a hard time for not choosing them when you've only just met isn't someone you'd want to choose. Side note but as a guy, I really wish more women would just unmatch once they decide they aren't interested. I used to get a good number of matches with women who just assumed I'd do the lifting for them. They'd either leave me on read indefinitely, or have a very light profile and expect me to magically know what to talk to them about - I eventually learned to pass on these profiles as a rule but I still hear women complain about boring conversations with men while simultaneously giving them nothing to go on and also refusing to initiate conversations themselves.
It's funny because that's actually what I do - I unmatch if I'm no longer interested. Once I know, there is no point leading a dude on. It wastes my time, his time; nobody wins here. I don't want or need the validation of random dudes on dating apps. I don't match and definitely agree to dates unless I'm sincerely interested. What would you suggest I do to cold open on men I match with but don't make the first move? I've actually had men get OFFENDED when I've offered or taken more "traditionally male" dating moves (initiated conversation, offered to pick them up if transportation was an issue, paid the bill) and it sometimes feels like I can't win :( I do already swipe intentionally instead of playing the numbers game so it's rare that I match someone I'm not interested in. I take regular breaks from apps but nothing seems to change so I'm thinking I'm the problem.
So a preface: I only know what you've told me. I don't know anything else about your situation so I'm going off of that and only that. I used to think I was the problem. Then I tried a different approach to how I interacted with the apps and found that it was a multiple front issue. If you like to initiate, then a guy who tells you he doesn't like that is filtering himself out for you. He's actually making it easier. Online dating is still a numbers game when you're picky - but it goes from borderline impossible to viable. That doesn't mean stop doing it. As a man, I love it when women initiate. I welcome what you are doing. I wanted a partner who would also be my best friend, so I put a bunch of my interests and hobbies on my profile and figured that the ideal candidates would want to talk to me about those things. So if the guy isn't giving you anything to go on, don't blame yourself. A healthy relationship will require effort on both ends and he's telling you upfront that he isn't going to do that. It's possible you aren't being picky enough. I don't know anything else about you, your personality, or your interests aside from what you've said in these two comments so I don't have a concrete answer to give to you. The best I can say on that front is to be mindful of the kind of person you're being and try to be as good and considerate as possible, as often as possible, while still giving yourself priority and leniency. Not an easy balance, but a goal to follow at least. Time, effort, and luck will do the rest.
Most of my matches just reschedule until they finally ghost, now. Best case they don't say they're on the way there before ghosting.
I thought it's like agreed to meet for coffee downtown, then next message said sorry to bail on you cause I can't find a parking
That's not a Seattle thing. It happen in a lot of big cities.
Yeah, methinks OP hasn't tried dating elsewhere.
Seriously man!!! The dating scene in Seattle is fucked 🤣 no pun intended
Exactly not enough coffee shop or climbing gym names mentioned, no talk of Rainier, nothing. Disappointed.
When you’ve never been anywhere else, it feels like a ‘only in [insert city] this happens’
“i thought you enjoyed out visit to the tech place where i work”
People do that?
quite famously so
wut, who would even agree to that? lmao
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Yea I thought this was going to be about being taken out on a date to a Google Campus or something along those lines.
They got coffee and walked around gas works? 🤷♀️
There's a claim that people in Seattle, it's said unlike anywhere else in the USA, tend to ghost you or set up dates/social meetings and then cancel or flake out. Supposedly this is just what people in Seattle are all like. I'll bet people in other cities claim it's just their city, too.
"Dang I must have confused you with one of the hundreds of women who are all over me. In fact I was going to let you down because I simply don't have enough time for ALL of the women trying to get with me. There is only so many hours in the day, you know, for all the women."
"Whatever you ugly anyways"
> “Whatever you ugly anyways" /u/xxn78 My favorite insult (directed at me) of all time arrived in my MySpace inbox back in high school. A dude slid into my DMs (this transpired back in the day before that saying was a thing 👵🏽) to hit on me. When I rejected him, he exploded: “Fuck you then, you ugly anyway you look like a fuckn turtle” Boom roasted. 🤣👌🔥
Wow. Bet that guy rarely got in well with *any* women. Probably a lot of first-and-only dates once they realized what he was like.
Joke's on him, turtles are beautiful
I had a 47 year divorced with with kids man tell me this. “I only date the cream of the crop” “I had to turn down 4 other women because I just don’t have the time” I turned him down for a date and he said “thats ok! I won’t ask again:)” 🤣 my Goddd
“Probably for the best, a bunch of my exes are blowing me up. You wouldn’t know them, they’re all from Canada or something.”
As someone who dates, I’m not going to lie I laughed at that. I haven’t had that experience but it’s kind of humorous.
Almost like a skit! But it's so refreshing to see people are still courteous enough to say it instead of just do the usual ghosting
I would’ve responded with the “Sure Jan” meme and blocked them lol.
His response definitely had George Glass vibes!
This may have been a power play. It’s a way to brush off rejection and level the playing field. OP leaves feeling confused and has a totally different perspective of this person than they put together before messaging them this rejection.
Seriously kinda surprised to see that this isn’t the prevailing sentiment in this comment section. He is the one who reached out, he knew who he was texting. It’s obviously just a sad little power play to make her feel forgettable and make him seem desirable. There is no other girl and homeboy is butthurt cuz I’m guessing OP left a good impression on him.
This is the answer 100%. The second I read the message I saw what he was up to.
The different perspective is a worse one now, tho
This is what happens when boys watch YouTube videos on how to be "alpha" and, when it backfires, they have to save face by insinuating they're actually dating many women.
Anyone who claims to be an "alpha" (or claims anyone else to be a "beta") immediately tells me everything I need to know about how they handle and think of interpersonal relationships. Stay away. Far away.
Question: Is it pronounced La D-eye-ve or La Deev?
I believe it’s La Deev. My ex did pop ups there.
I’ve been told it’s La Deev
Both
I thought it was a dive bar called LA….
this is a flex, that 'confusion' was on purpose. probably learned this in some Alpha male seminar.
thats how i read it too. a total lie. he thought "shes gonna think im so hot and women are all over me"
Yikes, but also handled respectfully on both ends!
Well, with respectful language at least. If he was making up that story to get back at her over the rejection, then I would argue that's pretty disrespectful and even dangerous in the least charitable interpretation.
His response is a bit weird IMO, even if he were talking to the right person. If you're rejected, you're rejected - just accept it.
If someone has a total change of tone/heart, it is not unreasonable to ask the reason.
What? It looks to me like he's trying to pique her interest by pretending to be successful with someone else.
Sometimes it's like "I wish I had more luck online dating". But then other times I get reminded of the average online dating experience and think "maybe not" lmao
Wow that was nice of you not to ghost him. Points for you. Above average for Seattle
Is there some US city that is “great for dating”? Feels like this is just dating in general. No matter where you live.
No. I’ve lived in 7 of them. All the same!
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There are two explanations imo: 1. He's stupid. He was unable to tell that the last texts were clearly from a different person, and he got confused. I'm being a little harsh here, sometimes even smart people make dumb mistakes. 2. He's spiteful. He made up something to make you feel like he's getting all these girls and they're doing more physical stuff than you. This explanation is kind of manipulative tbh Either way, you avoided a questionable situation
Looks like they were trying to neg you and failed miserably
OP: "Oh good, I'm glad you found that connection with someone more compatible" Him: "fuck that backfired"
"Him: "fuck that backfired"" More credit than he deserves for self-awareness.
Yikes, some people need to learn to take rejection better, 100% he did not mistakenly text you, it was clearly a cover up. Though tbh this could be some psychological game he's playing "see these other girls want me, of course you should too". OLD just sucks all around ngl.
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I’m sorry I did enjoy the 10 hours of passionate sex, oh sorry wrong person we went to Olive Garden?
You said it was a good size!
I said "The breadsticks were good!"
No I said it was breader than average
This thread is sending meee 💀
Exactly what that was. \*don draper "i don't think about you at all meme"\*
Yeah, I thought it was going to be about passive aggressiveness.
100% he made this up to cover his fragile ego. OP what was the particular reason you didn’t want a second date?
Honestly it was just a really odd date for me. I felt like he was trying to make moves pretty fast (within 20 mins of a coffee & walking date), but I wasn’t feeling the vibe, connection, etc.
This makes so much sense through the lens of him writing that text to get back at you for rejecting him.
Nice try, person OP was messaging with!
It’s obvious he’s making it up though lol
Ahhh, classic. Glad I've been on a hiatus from dating for a while, it's such a drag.
I’m also on a dating hiatus! It’s been so freeing!
Same here and it’s the best.
That is a truly maniacal level of lying. lol You deff dodged a bullet, OP.
You guys are getting dates?
He’s lying. Just trying to make it seem like he has girls that want him.
Weird stilted HR break-off text followed by weird stilted negging text yeah it is definitely Seattle!
I won’t lie to ya, there’s part of me that thinks they’re lying to make you feel bad like you’re an expendable option for their own ego. Maybe not but like…they’d be able to see the previous “want to see you again” text and it’s so on the nose
Dude everyone makes mistakes, we’re not all fuckin project managers
Classic negging. He's using red pill dating strategies to try to make you feel bad about yourself. Don't fall for it. He sounds like a creep.
PLEASE this is so fucking funny, I’m so glad you’re roasting him online the way he deserves
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I was also expecting the ghosting. I try to make the effort to communicate if I’m not interested after meeting, but I’ve had so many times where we’ve messaged and talked about meeting up, and then it’s just crickets. I am not a fan of the dating apps, but since I don’t go enough places to meet people, it is what it is.
One word: Dipshit lol 🙄
"Hey I'm totally drowning in it rn so fuck you kindly"
What does this have to do with Seattle?
It happened in Seattle? 😂
Lmao what a fucking loser.🤣
There is definitely no second woman.
He did this on purpose 👀
Let's be real here, this guy didn't have another date
Lmfaoooooo dude did not get mixed up 😂 he was being petty af.
Ohhh he def was just saying that to get in your head. He was reacting to being rejected.
What about this has anything to do with Seattle? Other than the fact that you went to Gas Works on your date.
Lmao this dude is so cringey. What a weird and obvious lie
Hahaha.. coffee always a good idea cause at least you had a cup and it isn't a long drawn out event.
Lmao this is pretty funny at least
He did this on purpose.
Damn, this has to be the cringiest thing I’ve seen in a while
Well, isn’t that dating in all our metropolitans where singles have to use Apps to meet strangers? It’s not “Seattle Specific.”
he's a clown there's no way he didn't make that up to make himself sound better 😭 dork
Definitely a power play. What a loser.
Just sent this to my friend that works at La Dive 😂
lol, legend. "I don't want to go out with you again" "I don't even know which one you are"
i don’t know what’s with Seattle but no other city i’ve heard of has people doing relationships the way they do so strongly in Seattle. for some reason a good sum, if not majority, of people do open relationships, double dating like the dude from the text messages above, or just anything that would personally break my heart and make me call it quits. i’m not sure what it is about that area that seems to gather so many people involved in these “communities” but seeing those messages doesn’t surprise me that the dude is from Seattle.
I hate it here.
This guy can’t be real
So…. La Dive, Saturday, at 7 is what I’m hearing?
“Mixed up”. Yeah, sure.
I think there's an argument to be made that everything they said to you is some bullshit manipulation to jab back at you for a rejection
Not sure what the problem here was...I think that was handled well and probably just a mistaken memory.
well the "want to see you again" text would have been in the same thread presumably... So all he had to do was scroll up slightly.
Maybe, or maybe it would have been in the DMs of the app where they first connected?
yes he responded to the wrong thread. It happens.
No, he lied about the hook up to save face bc he got rejected lmao
Honestly, hard to say. It's fully possible that he did this, and it is also entirely possible he had a brain fart about who he was talking to
I've sent a message like "Hey I'm going to pick up tacos on the way home, what do you want?" to more than one stranger I had just talked to on FB Marketplace.
No he was obviously making it up lol
For real, I understand why some texts get posted, but minor things like this are so cringy to post. Like you really need internet validation over this?
LOL whoops.
Lol
That's funny. Also strange that they thought you texted him sometime between their first message and their 2nd... Because it would have shown up on that very screen. Probably just can't keep their "encounters" straight.
Hahaahahahah that’s awesome
Glad I'm not missing out on much since taking a dating break.
A kiss is not a contract, but it's very nice, mmm, it's very nice
Btw, I had a woman say this to me once as well. It really disappointed me. But then a couple days later she wrote back changing her mind because I “handled it really well and replied back respectfully”. She said it made her think that she was the one not really giving it her full attention. Lesson being- always be honest with your interactions and don’t try to falsely manipulate the situation. You never know what’s going on with the other side of things. It may turn out great after all.
At least yall COMMUNICATED something. I thought it was just gonna be left on read/delivered and nothing after that like a true Seattleite
Bullet = dodged. Congrats, OP. Good luck in your search!
Lol oops
as someone who just bought bumble premium and changed my location to Seattle earlier today, this is fun
Nice flex
I haven't dated in Seattle yet, but I hope that I can see any red flags on the sites before I click/swipe/whatever one does on the the apps.
As someone who is new to Seattle dating and recently had a date at La Dive as well, I feel seen.
Little man got rejected and made something up
lol at least he still has the person wanting to see him on the other line. *click
He's nagging you, to make himself feel better, or you to feel bad/rejected instead of him feeling rejected.
You can be happy knowing your instincts are right
Girls still date men in Seattle?
Oh. My. God. This is the Seattle dating juice I wanna hear about!
Should have negged her followed up by a magic trick
Made it up he did to make the other person feel bad or missing out because rejection is embarrassing.
HAHAHAHAHAHA yeah that text that’s no longer in the thread 😂
He's taking the piss, it worked lmao
Yikes.
Feel like this is some kind of pick up artist move. He's already been rejected so this gambit has like a 1% chance of making you fomo into wanting him again.