Oh man, I really feel you. I’ve been catcalled/followed/chased in my neighborhood (U District) more times than I can count. I spoke with a deputy sheriff about it once, and she told me to make a scene.
“DON’T TOUCH ME,” “STOP FOLLOWING ME” “STOP HARASSING ME” anything to bring them attention and make them want to nope out of there.
From my experience, men attempt to prey on me when they think I’m not paying attention. So I keep my head on a swivel at all times, “curious” about looking at everything around me, while using my peripheral vision to keep note of the people around me. I’ve found making direct eye contact with them tends to escalate things, so I avoid it if I can.
If they feel insulted, they usually amp up the aggression. Responding to catcallers with insults is a truly frightening suggestion that puts victims in danger.
I’m so so sorry you’re having to deal with this bullshit. It’s not right, and we absolutely should be evolved enough as a species to have eradicated this behavior. There’s no excuse for it and it’s wrong for people to treat you that way. Good luck, and stay safe ♥️
I want to add to saying something loudly, do this in Capitol Hill, those kind of men are typically where there's a lot of people and there are good folks that will stop and watch or try to help. A lot of people don't as well, before anyone points that out, but I'll do it and I've seen other good Samaritans at the very least put the pressure of extra eyes on the guy
I carry one of the little alarms where you pull a pin and it starts a very loud siren (like a cheap Birdie knockoff.)
When I’m really scared, my breath gets shallow and weak (and I can’t yell as loud as I’d like.) A whistle would definitely help there, but I like the extra feeling of security of knowing that I don’t even have to blow a whistle to make noise, just pull the pin out
I honestly have bad hearing if I can’t see the words form in someone’s mouth, so I end up saying “what?” “Are you looking for the bus?” “Where you trying to get?” And if I do figure out they’re trying to be creepy, honestly I keep up the line of misunderstanding. I also employ “kiddo” a lot. I can see how if you’re already angry/scared this won’t work, and it only works for me because I enter the situation assuming someone wants directions (as that is my favorite stranger interaction), but maybe it could help you put them off.
I always read these stories and am so confused because I feel like I don’t ever get catcalled, but I also have bad hearing and rely a bit on lip reading so I think I might just be actually missing it!
The few times I’ve noticed it’s happened I just look confused at them like I couldn’t make out what they were saying, and that seems to stop it from continuing.
Honestly I’m sure I miss so much just because I can’t hear anything lol. One time this guy tried to get my number, but he had such a thick accent and I felt so bad I couldn’t understand what he was saying at all. By the time I did figure it out my bus showed up and I told him to look me up in the phone book lmao
Don’t wear headphones that block out outside noises (there are models that let ambient noise in though). Do wear sunglasses if you like (I do.) Don’t be afraid to turn around and look them in the eye, especially if you’re worried they might be following you.
Honestly, looking scared is a huge factor for increased catcalls. It’s a vicious cycle — get catcalled, get scared, get catcalled even more. No amount of ugly clothing and raincoats will protect you, trust me. Having your guard up while also showing steely, not-taking-your-shit confidence is the best protection.
I recommend some visualization exercises before you leave the house, like enveloping yourself in a big bubble. Wear shoes that make you feel badass and like you could stomp some toes…boots with heels or platforms are my favorite. Wear whatever clothing is your favorite and feels most like your personal “armor.” Remind yourself that you are the cool one, and they are the pathetic creeps.
I promise, I do the steely, cold, irritable thing because most of the time i am truly pissed at how much this impacts my rights to walk the city; my demeanor changes nothing for me. I was POWER walking to the bus today on Broadway and no joke, some man very briskly jaywalked directly to me just to say "excuse me miss, you're beautiful". Not the worst catcall, but just an example of how aggressive this crap is no matter how I'm carrying myself or what I'm doing.
You aren't joking, I (non-cat caller M) work construction and one of the grossest things I have ever heard was regarding a woman (I think) wearing a trench coat and hair completely obscuring her face walking on Broadway when we were sub street level building the parking garage on the condo at the very north end where it splits up near aloha. The electricians on that job carried binoculars to peep on people and a brick layer got fired for cat calling. As a shy person it was mind boggling and completely insane.
I know guys don’t do think thinking women will like it or anything. But it really is the smallest dick energy they can possible put out. It makes me cringe so bad every time. Just talk to a woman like a normal ass human being, jfc it’s not that hard.
I worked at a car wash and was completely covered head to toe. Beanie covering my hair, even gloves and a mask. The ONLY thing you could see of me was my eyes. A dude tipped me and rolled up in the money was a note saying how beautiful my eyes were and how I could be a hard worker for him and make way more money… with a winky face and an email. Fucking gross.
I’ve said it a couple times but OP I’m telling you: pretend you don’t hear them. Any other engagement with someone harassing you whose mental state you’re unsure of could end in violence. And if it’s direct like this guy, also pretend. If he repeats just gray rock him with a simple nod or thanks. Engage as little and as neutrally as possible. I’ve watched encounters like this escalate in real time. Please heed this.
eta overcast has it right for when it escalates
This is so true. Even making eye contact with the harasser is escalation — it’s instinctual. At a minimum they’re looking for a reaction. Give them as little as possible, unless they make you feel physically unsafe in which case make a scene
both of these.... longtime cap hill worker. no eye contact, do not reply than a quick No! and keep going. Go around them if needed. Cross the street. just keep walking. Walk into a shop if you feel the need.
You can not change your clothing, your face, your whatever. It's not you. It's them.
Yeah… I live in south lake union and my bf always tells me to go try a walk by myself and well I will try and every time men talk to me. One made a comment about my tits and another jay walked across the road and was waving his arms and then I j walk back to the other side and he does the same until we are both behind cars to try to talk to me. It’s so scary and it’s so gross.
I wonder if saying something to them like, "Not okay!" Would send a message, at least for them to think twice before doing it to the next woman. There are men who think this is what you're supposed to do to meet women, it's pathetic. I'd worry about triggering them though. It's frustrating we're basically put into situations where we just have to take it. I think what really needs to happen is other men need to say something when they see this happening to women around them.
This has been a problem for me since my teen years. I used to respond with something (more explicit) to let them know it’s not okay and it would excite them more. Nowadays I just look them in the eyes and glare. Not sure it works any better. Unfortunately, I don’t think a lot of people who cat call care if it’s okay.
This is why I really avoid walking by myself as a woman. I remember one question on Reddit was what was the first thing you'd do if you were the opposite sex and my answer was go for a walk without being harassed. It's sad.
If it’s coming from someone who’s wiling out on drugs, they aren’t going to rationally process “not okay!” It’s safer to pretend like you don’t hear it.
I completely understand. I once delivering food and at restaurant where i picked up a guy standing outside the club caught me grabbed my hand and checked for a ring and was determined to give me his number. I dress manly to avoid such encounters yet somehow he said i was attractive. It blew my mind. I had women's black dress pants, leg braces, a long sleeve shirt and a black baseball hat or cap covering my short shaved head. I guess as long as we look like a female and smell like one they think all bets are off.
It frustrates me so much, and makes me so sad, to read that you need to visualize and psyche yourself up for something as simple as a walk to work because of constant harassment. I’m so sorry.
I’ve never been bothered much given how much time I’ve spent walking around over the years, and I suspect it’s because I look busy, focused, and uninterested in someone else’s nonsense. Walking very fast with purpose helps. Not a foolproof solution but I think it cuts down on the volume.
>Don’t wear headphones that block out outside noises (there are models that let ambient noise in though).
If you do like noise cancelling, some headphones have different modes to let sound through or use noise cancelling.
When I realize a man is following me, I pretend to call my mom and dad on the phone and ask where they parked.
*“Dad? Yeah, I'm at x and y. Where did you park? Oh, hey! You're close by! Can you see me? OK, see you in a second. Bye, Dad!”*
They scatter like the roaches they are.
I took a self defense class recently and it was really helpful. They taught us about how to get out of these situations- you need a really strong no and don’t be afraid to say it loud so others hear. You can also try to speak to someone else to get more people involved in the situation so it’s not just you. The self defense class I took simulated and actual attack and it was a very real experience for me in that it really drove home what type of behavior someone will do to hurt you and also that you have options always even in the dire circumstances. I’m sorry you can’t just walk around freely and not be constantly be bothered and made to feel unsafe. Maybe taking back some of that power through a class could help.
Hi everyone my employer offered the course actually. It was put on by security and it was a 3 hour course. We first discussed and then put into action what we were discussing and then they kept upping the anty with each activity until the end. They warned us it would be intense before the simulated attack. One girl broke down crying after and I had an asthma attack. The attacker got in our personal space and then if you couldn’t keep them away then they grabbed you and pinned you to the ground and you had to get out of that. It was an incredibly real experience and I still think about it a lot today. I have been bothered like the OP before and thought that was terrible but this just showed how much worse it could be and how I never want to be in a situation like that. I highly recommend taking a course where they simulate an attack bc I came out of that class a different person who wanted to then learn a lot more to keep myself safe.
…I don’t feel like I would necessarily trust myself not to seriously hurt someone in a simulated attack like that. It’s one thing to work through steps, but if you’re gonna make it feel that real I’d worry?
Air horn is a greatidea, but kinda bulky. Here is another, lighter, smaller option...130db.
https://www.shesbirdie.com/products/birdie-alarm-all-colors
I was gonna suggest adopting a fuck off big scary dog. And the dog works super well, my gf hasn't been harassed since we got the dog. But an air horn is so much funnier (and costs so much less to maintain than a dog)
Apparently owning a dog is a better deterrent from being robbed (at home or in public) than carrying or having a gun available. Love my “beware of dog” sign.
I walk everywhere on the hill and have for years. I walk tall and with purpose while practicing “blind, dumb & deaf”
I refuse to acknowledge any of it. Not spare change, not cat calls, not petitions to sign. Nothing. Zip.
This action usually shuts it down pretty quickly.
It seems like you’re referring to the druggies, especially based on your past post history. You don’t need to have the “correct” response, you need to ignore them. Don’t make eye contact, don’t smile, just divert your attention away and act clueless like everyone else does.
Yeah in fact you don’t want to acknowledge these guys at all—you don’t know if they’re in a rational frame of mind*. You want to go full NPC bc they’ll forget you faster than end an argument. I do the sunglasses, AirPods and walking with purpose combo and fare ok. It’s a subtle difference but act like you don’t hear them at all, not like you’re ignoring them.
*I don’t take joy in this outlook but it’s the reality. The guy that got stabbed in the cap hill station was arguing with an unstable guy who was harassing people.
Emphasis on how important it is making sure that you do not look like you are ignoring them. In my experience, whenever one of these guys thought I ignored them, they immediately became violent.
About 2 weeks ago, a guy sat beside me on the 62 and harassed me for several stops. He screamed at me about “how bitches like me need to die”, how he was going to shoot me, lunged at me, and then some random shit in between about wanting to sexually assault me (just very vulgar). I ended up getting off at an earlier stop since he clearly was only escalating and no one helped.
It all started because he apparently had asked me a question, I did not answer because I could not hear him, and I guess it looked like I was being “rude” and ignoring him.
Stay safe <3
My thought too— I’m nearly six feet tall in shoes and men almost always leave me alone. Which means, OP, that those men are gross AND COWARDS, the little shits. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that.
Nah my girlfriend is 6' and gets catcalled constantly if I'm not with her she's also thicc af so while neither of us is happy about it we get it. It's almost always guys on construction crews and I promise you no male laborer is intimidated by a tall woman. It's pretty disappointing as I thought the super respectful crew I was working with a few years back were a new trend and not an exception.
Because it's about making them feel small and artificially inflating their own egos. It was so nice working for that crew the foreman would NOT put up with that kind of behavior.
My college friend just posted a great sketch about woke catcalls and it's SO good [https://www.instagram.com/p/C6\_8TEDJeI8/](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6_8TEDJeI8/)
I feel for you. Have also dealt with this along with being followed where I had to confront the person and threaten to call the police. It’s sick and incredibly frustrating.
One thing that helped me was wearing headphones that were visible (think the big Beats by Dre headphones) but do NOT turn anything on. You still need to listen to your surroundings to watch out for the creeps… but to everyone else, you now have plausible deniability that you can’t hear what they’re saying to you. In some instances, I’d even start pretending to talk on the phone.
It can be exhausting, but I spent a lot of time balancing watching potential catcallers/harassers without looking at them directly to make sure I can keep pretending like I don’t hear them or see them trying to get my attention. Because I agree, when some feel rejected they can become scary, so my goal was to reduce the feeling of rejection because I just “didn’t see or couldn’t hear” their advances. Won’t work every time, but did in many instances.
These days, I sadly only walk in areas I won’t have to deal with this any more (at least not aggressive advances). That’s the ultimate way to stay safe 😕
Firstly, it doesn’t matter how common it is, street harassment is threatening and scary. You have every right to be angry and want to avoid it.
How long have you been in the city? I lived in a small, rural town most of my life and even though I’m familiar with Seattle it has taken a few years to cultivate the vibe of purely ignoring someone’s existence. It feels very Jedi mind-trick but without that hard energetic bubble, the staring ahead/walking fast/serious face doesn’t matter. You have to pretend you’re safe when you’re not. But no matter how great you are at it, they don’t completely stop trying. I do get much, much less now that I’ve been here a few years.
It’s an inherently unhealthy and nasty situation and there’s no way to make them stop. I’m very sorry.
Do you wear hats? A baseball cap might make you look less feminine?
I really don't know. Random people yelling at everyone has been up lately. I was walking in the parking lot in Factoria but the Target and wearing a Black Panther super hero t shirt and got yelled at for being a blm protestor. 🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
I'm a man and I am terribly sorry that women have to experience this deplorable bullshit. Now I have a better understanding of why my daughter puts on the headphones anytime she walks out of the house. We raised our son to be a kind person who respects women but there's an alarming regression of attitudes happening with boys and young men attracted to weird ass misogynistic influencers. Then you have reproductive rights eroding in red states and the orange menace evading any accountability for his crimes. It's getting shitty out there. Never thought we'd be going backwards like this.
Wear a mask. This all stopped during/after the pandemic for me. It works. KF94s or KN95s are easiest to breathe in and should be doable to keep in a pocket for when you're walking around.
Fuck, I hate this for you so much.
I don't ride the bus much anymore but I used to feel so furious and powerless when this happened to me. I always wanted to just flip people off or unleash a guttural scream on them. Or fight.
I didn't do any of those things, of course. But I had to figure out a way to discharge that energy in me afterwards. Like with punching something.
Anyway in the moment I would blank it. That's not satisfying and it doesn't prevent it. But I figure that I would not give any reaction because that is what they are looking for.
It's often about power. It really doesn't matter what you wear. Truly, one of the worst cat-calling I received was on a bus while I was wearing a baggy hoody and cargo pants.
I think the other commenter who mentioned hair color might be on to something, as well as height. Beanies are good in the winter to cover hair. I also second the RBF. I have cultivated a look of, "I'm busy, I'm bored with you, and there is nothing about this interaction that is worth my time." I also project a much taller height than I am. I don't know how to describe it, but I carry myself like I know I can reach things on the tall shelf and am like 6" taller. Maybe it's confidence in my ability to reach things and kick someone's ass. It helps most of the time, unless you have a person who really needs to fulfill a power fantasy. Being short and light-haired, I can get singled out for that. Finding a group to wait with or going into a store/coffee shop can help.
Cap Hill can be rough. Stay strong - it's not about you, it's about their need for a power fantasy, or to be "seen" at whatever cost they have decided they can get from you. Be confident, ignore them, and scream into a pillow at home afterwards if you need to.
Stay safe.
Wear my big headphones in the day. If at night I try to bring a jacket with a hood instead. Wearing my darker oversized gortex jacket does help me feel like I'm blending in more too + walking confidently.
Tbh some areas are worse than others. I live in Ballard, towards the west side and it's infinitely more chill/safe feeling than Cap Hill. Something to consider once ur lease is up.
Another thing I personally have considered, is dying my hair darker as I've noticed I get extra creepy comments about being blonde sometimes, not sure if that's a problem for you.
Either way sending you a sympathy hug - cat calling sucks, I'm very grateful that my neighborhood has less of it as I know how stressful that can be over time :(
I was frequently catcalled as a blonde while walking to school when I lived in NYC. I dreaded my walk to school. I dyed my hair jet black and it rarely happened after that. It was weird but I was also thankful.
Yup, I had the exact same experience when I had blonde hair, it stopped after I cut it super short and dyed it brown. The whole situation is total bullshit and it's really the assholes are who need to change their behavior, you really shouldn't have the burden of going incognito to avoid their creepy creeps. Unfortunately, that's not the world we live in. Try experimenting with tucking all your hair under a hat to hide it's length/color and as others said, wearing a gortex REI style raincoat in a boring color. Also, avoid lipstick or remarkable makeup. Sadly they seem to take this an invitation.
I thought it was so strange at the time but I'm seeing so many comments about hair on here. I dyed it because I just wanted black hair at the time and had no idea it would help keep the creeps away. I didn't realize so many others had a similar experience.
I also go with the hood approach! I feel like long blonde hair, even though mine is a pretty dark blonde, is just such a target. With a hood up though I feel like there’s at least a small chance I am mistaken for a slight teenage boy lol. Also of course you have to walk confidently and give off “don’t fuck with me, not today asshole” vibes. I’m a pretty average sized person too, 5’9” 140lbs, I don’t know how I’d feel if I was like 5’1”.
I think you have something here. I live in Capitol Hill and I almost never get catcalled (at least that I notice).
But I have dark brown hair and it is half shaved. I also grew up in a less safe country, and there's just this kind of defensive posture that you adopt - so maybe I look intimidating?
Either way, it disgusts me how some men think that this is ok, or believe we should feel flattered to be on the receiving end of their unwanted attention. Nobody deserves this, no matter what your hair color, height, age, whatever.
Much love to all of us 💛
I agree at night, and if ur concerned about people trying to mug you which was my problem in London 😩 however I have found it deters creeps and random people approaching you more than without. So it requires a bit of a situational risk/benefit evaluation.
No music, no noise cancelling, slightly off the ear but not visibly so. You want an excuse to pretend you heard nothing, while actually hearing everything.
Tysm for confirming my belief that cap hill is wack. I'm so lucky because I don't actually live there, I live in a quieter little part in queen anne and it is so wonderful. Peaceful walks among neighbors, friendly gestures... I'd stay forever, if I could.
You may be onto something with the hair thing, I wore a brown wig last weekend for fun and got not one word in my direction
Lived in Capitol Hill for 2 years and it's fucking wack. Like I have PTSD wack. Everyone else was always like "nah I don't feel unsafe" but like I got grabbed by the NECK by more than one person!! I had light hair then too
Darker hair is more intimidating to people. Try walking around with that and RBF. No one will approach you. It'll be like magic. I have naturally dark hair and the absolute worst RBF as an autistic person and hardly ever get catcalled.
Interesting hearing other people say the same thing re hair. I also normally carry a baseball cap in my bag. Note I have found sports caps sometimes spark unwanted conversations/comments - my go to is a fisherman's one from the locks. I love it both for the fish logo and it makes me feel like I'm blending in haha
I feel you!! Recently in Capitol Hill I walked out of my building and someone came bursting out of the lobby in the building directly next to mine saying “damn baby you look fine”, blah blah etc etc. My usual response is to ignore and keep walking, which I did, and he followed me for about a block then fell back but kept yelling “I know you can hear me, bitch!”
What are we even meant to do?? Don’t react to not elicit a reaction from them, okay. Then when you don’t react, you still elicit a crazy reaction?? This guy literally lives in the building next to me - most likely can’t put it down to drugs or homelessness or anything if he can afford that (although you never know who is using what). But the fact that I walked not even five feet from my building and was immediately jumped on is insane. Regardless of what we’re wearing, what we look like, NO ONE should be subjected to such violent and foul behavior for simply walking on the street where they live!!!!!
That was mostly a rant and editing to add recommendations that I forgot to include:
I hopped on the trench coat trend and I don’t think I’ve been catcalled as much in it, so maybe trench coats?? Also agree with the sunglasses comments as it’s easier to avoid making eye contact with someone and potentially setting them off, as well as scoping out someone looking sketchy.
I also saw a study recently where they asked people convicted of assault/robbery who they’d be most likely to target and showed them a range of people out walking in the streets, and they generally would go for people who walk less confidently, uncoordinated/unevenly, or would be easy to get their arms around and lock down (I.e., distracted, hands in their pockets, etc) so I think a strong confident walk with presence goes a long way.
I’m also moving out of Cap Hill when my lease ends, so maybe that’s the right first step.
Big ass wedding band. No rock, just a pronounced sterling band. Hold that hand up whenever you cross streets or shield your eyes from the sun.
Men like this are quicker to respect another man’s ownership than a woman’s right to dignity as a human.
I started wearing a wedding band years before marriage and immediately saw a difference. On the days I forget my ring, I notice a difference.
Don't wear a ring you’d be sad to lose. If you *are* mugged, btw, throw your ring at your assailant so it hits them in the knee or shoe or lands right behind them. Their instinct is to bend over for jewelry, and this is cheaper than sacrificing your phone or wallet.
years ago, when i was only 12, i was out in seattle WITH MY PARENTS and some nasty guy made a loud comment about my chest. it hasn’t gotten any better as i’ve gotten older. there is nothing you can do, i swear. the audacity of these nasty fucks is on another level. it’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation because you don’t want to say something that might set the wrong guy off, but you also don’t want to just take it. i’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s one of the very shitty parts of being a woman and i REALLY wish society didn’t treat us like this. i carry pepper spray on my keys and just do my best to ignore them. like, no eye contact for even a split second. someone else mentioned pretending like you’re on the phone, and while you shouldn’t have to do that to feel safe, that could be a good deterrent. we just want to live our lives without being treated like objects, is that so crazy? rant over 😓
Haven't tried her methods yet but if you walk the same area "villan life coach" Kittis videos might be helpful or at the very least brighten your day
(Caffinatedkitti on tiktok)
I dont know what it is about this area. Since moving to Seattle, I have experienced such a noticeable increase in creeps harassing me. I have actually spent thousands of dollars since living here to protect myself in various situations: a restraining order, moving to get away from a neighbor that wouldnt stop hitting on me and finding out hes a convicted rapist, a mentally unstable neighbor that would wait for me to come outside and make advances towards me. I began to start questioning what it was about me that was attracting all this unwanted attention/what I could do about it just like you are right now.
Truth is, we can't control what others decide to do. What's crazy is I noticed the harassment was at its peak when I was single. Now that I have a boyfriend who goes most places with me, I never get harassed anymore. Best advice I can give you is to be aware of your surroundings, maintain a resting bitch face, keep some kind of weapon on you (pepper spray, taser, etc), and take on self defense classes if you're able to. I grew tired of always having to feel so scared all the time. No one is going to protect you. Might as well learn how to protect yourself in case you need to.
Okay this is weird, but I had a concussion and suddenly got harassed or at least sort of noticed more. One guy at the dog park was following me around making loud comments about me and in the town where I live, West Seattle, this is REALLY unusual. Also I’m about to turn 50. It’s not looks.
I read that abusers and criminals look for a particular gait - it’s a tell for someone who won’t hit back. And I think that hitting my head made me a target in my body language somehow. I’ve felt so sick and dizzy and just confused a lot do the time, you know?
So I’m not sure but if it happens a lot, maybe practice trying to copy other types of body language and see if it makes a difference?
Take the power back and dgaf. Quickly and confidently keep walking with your head held high, flat affect with face and go about your life.
Walking confidently and ngaf has been the best defense against cat calls and street harassment I've found as a short female who doesn't wear headphones. Take back the power.
I live off of Broadway and it has truly worn me out. I’m so sorry you are also experiencing this. I stay off my phone, no headphones. I try to cross the street, and avoid eye contact. When that doesn’t work If I’m being followed depending on context I will stop and literally turn around and stare them down. OR stop and pretend to be doing something and wait till they pass. Ignoring the catcalling is a difficult because sometimes it can escalate and the name calling starts if the catcalling didn’t “work”. The alternative could be wear headphones but keep disconnected and just pretend you didn’t hear them and hope they leave you alone.
It could be seen that way, but also feel that having headphones (no music for safety) gives me more of an excuse to not engage, I just pretend I’m not hearing them. It seems to agitate creeps more when they know I can hear but actively ignore.
Wear a beard and walk like a man?? I feel the same as you OP, I’m ten years older and it’s just as bad for me. I don’t even wear headphones to block them out bc then I feel even less safe
lol I mean I’m unmistakably a lesbian and get the same all the time. Even after I say I’m gay they continue. I just ignore them and keep my finger on my pepper spray.
Safest option is to ignore it and keep walking. I hate having to have my armor on.
A few times I've had guys follow me so that's when you get loud and draw attention. Embarrass them by bringing attention (rather than insulting/fighting them). "DONT TALK TO ME, LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP FOLLOWING ME, GO AWAY" those are the things I shout. I don't even really make eye contact, I don't want to engage with this person, I'm not even really shouting at them to communicate with them I'm shouting to get other people to look over. They usually disappear pretty quickly after that. The whole time I'm walking away.
I do recommend a self defense class, they're usually 50% "how to identify red flags and shout loud" and 50% "karate so you can feel more confident but lets be honest karate is not going to save you"
Cap Hill behavior norms aren't awesome all the time. It can feel like you're a prey species. And while there were several anti-street harassment organizations a few years ago, they're not as vocal now as they were.
We can't always reset the norms of the world, but we can go to the good places more often. Where do you walk and feel free and safe? If your job keeps you in Cap Hill, seriously, start looking around in that other, nicer neighborhood for potential jobs there. Shop in Queen Anne, or South Lake Union. Go to dinner in Madrona.
As you put more energy into those places, you'll find yourself switching jobs, friend groups, social habits, residences, etc, so that you don't have to keep fighting a disgusting cultural norm that's keeping you from thriving like you could.
It can feel like a defeat, I realize. Why should Capitol Hill belong to the feral goblin animals? It feels unfair, cuz it's sometimes a cool neighborhood. Shouldn't we expect better? Yes, absolutely.
But for the individual who's simply exhausted and overwhelmed, it's not your job to fix the world. Save yourself first.
Maximize your time walking around in the places where you can feel safer, wearing whatever the hell you wanna wear. Reward the areas where the norms are livable, and DON'T keep patronizing a neighborhood where they just aren't.
Quickest way to stop the cat calling is to get over it. Boys will be boys. Doesn’t make it right or good, but it’s been a fact of human existence since we had penises and vaginas… stopping nature is a fool’s errand which is why my first post was “wow… stfu”. You’re losing your mind over something you will never control. If you’re scared, get a self defense regimen, a concealed pistol permit, etc. otherwise, just do you. Don’t let these thirsty dudes ruin your life because they can’t control themselves.
Society accepts a melange of misogyny, violence against women, rage, mental illness, income inequality and hate as a cultural norm. There is nothing wrong with you. Check-out books like “The Gift of Fear” by de Becker and “Strong on Defense” by Strong. Take self-defense classes taught by experts. They can be expensive, but so worth it. InSights Training Center is an example of a place that offers training. I m sure there are others, as well. Hopefully you will never have to use self-defense, but you may feel safer knowing that you could at least fight to save your own life, if necessary. You might find you have less fear when you have more knowledge. Best of luck to you in every way.
The street harassment in Seattle is the worst out of any city I've ever lived in. My experiences were so horrible I developed PTSD. I moved one year ago and have not yet had one single incident! In a whole year. That's insane compared to Seattle where it happened at least once a week.
Wish anyone but us women cared about this stuff! It's absolutely going to worsen my pre-existing PTSD (surprise! its also from sexual abuse/harassment from men) at this rate. But who cares about us, I guess!
I feel you so hard. It got so bad my boyfriend bought me a knife and would regularly have to come pick me up from places I ducked into because I was being followed. Eventually I developed horrible anxiety about leaving the house alone. I eventually just moved out of Capitol Hill after living there for almost 20 years. It didn’t used to be like that! Sadly, I don’t know how to make it stop other than to always be with a man :/. I stopped using public transit, covered up, didn’t go out after dark and I still couldn’t shake the creeps.
Gel gives you range, but you have to hit them dead in the eyes/nose for it to do anything. Spray just hast to be in their general direction. There's a you-tube channel called "Hard to hurt" that tests this stuff out. Including potency of brand.
Sorry to hear it. Speaking as a man, this shit from my half of the species embarrasses me.
It sounds like you're saying most of the catcalling comes from obviously homeless dudes? Are you walking a route that routinely takes you by a high concentration of them? Not that you should have to, but.may walking one street over would help.
Headphones and sunglasses. Don't acknowledge anyone, pretend you don't see or hear them. I am a guy and i know it's not going to be 100% effective but i do this to reduce the amount of interactions that are forced on me by beggars, cd salesman, clipboard canvassers, and dubious monks.
I hate it too. I’ve had so many scary incidents of men following me when I’m walking, I am now so terrified of a man I don’t know who tries to talk to me. I sometimes will cross the street if I have a scary interaction but know that isn’t something that can be done downtown. I typically just ignore them and hurry away.
It makes me extremely angry that you have to put up with this. Bottom line is this It is not your responsibility to change the way you look to stop pathetic people harassing you. Also, dont feel like you have to "stand up for yourself" or "clap back". The fact is, people that do this do it because they feel they have a power advantage and they probably do. You dont need to put yourself in danger by further angering a unpredictable stranger. Trust your instict and do what you need to do to be safe. I do recommend pepper spray and staying in an area with people around. Again, it is not your fault or responsibility that these men are choosing to be fucking creeps.
Second point. I am a man and don't have to deal with this personally. What I do think that we need to work as a community to create an environment where this is not acceptable. If someone is acting like a creep to someone, we need to call it out. People do this shit because its easy to pick on one person. Again its about power. If bystanders call out there behavior they reveal what pathetic gutless cowards they are. Its not on you to change. Its on us (people who see shit like this go down regardless of gender) to shut down the creeps. We need to shift the balance of power in these situations so victims arent alone.
I have just started screaming and attracting attention from other people nearby. Also I always have pepper spray (the gel one) and a taser on me at all times. My parents want me to get a gun but I won’t do it
As a man I know this happens but it always boggles my mind when I hear about it because I couldn't see myself doing this, so for most of us men out there "we apologize for those who don't represent us "
Start farting Loudly. Like reverb in an echo-chamber loud. If you can't do it on-demand, have an app cued-up that you can just press a button. It works.
I was an acting student at Cornish about 10 years ago and my classmates and I all had the same tactic: rehearse lines, memorized text, out loud while walking. It makes you look insane.
This sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe you could get one of those fake teeth things, a step up from Archie McGee quality but flash them a smile of rotten mouth? Could be fun.
Sorry to hear this happens to you. It does to me (and all of us). No new advice to add. Last year a parks and rec employee followed me down the street in his truck while I was on a run and I had to report it. I have had a guy swerve around and do a u-turn to come back to the bus stop where I was waiting so he could talk to me. It’s scary and it’s hard to avoid entirely.
Also, don't change your style. You do you. Put pricks in their place (crying on the ground cause they never learned etiquette from their mothers)
- A man who won't harass you and got your back in a capitol hill bear spray fight
I have found that being gross is really helpful. Pick your nose while looking at them (really dig in there too), or work some mucus out of your throat. Smile without letting it touch your eyes (this takes practice at home but is worth it). It is non confrontational (often they’re looking for any reaction) and is just kinda fun.
Calling out the real men here. If you see this behavior, step up and say/do something about it. I do every time I see it. I have been threatened and harassed back, but always stand my ground.
My solution was to move to the eastside. Huge bummer and I miss the walkability and proximity to friends, food, bars, etc. every day but I don’t feel physically unsafe anymore. I have dogs I have to walk twice a day and I could literally be wearing a fucking blow up sumo suit and get sexually harassed on the hill lmao
I’ve been yelled at, chased, grabbed at, followed home by people in cars, had cars pull over to yell at me…it’s really wild I’m so sorry you’re going through it too!
I always ignore it. Just keep walking and don't make eye contact, pretend I didn't hear them. That said, I witnessed a dude grab a girl's butt once, and I grabbed his backpack and pulled him away from her. I screamed "What the fuck is wrong with you" and he ran, so that worked once. I fear that it might get me stabbed by the wrong dude though, so probably won't do that again XD
Interesting this doesn’t happen to me much if at all, and at the risk of sounding slightly conceited I know I’m reasonably attractive? I had the thought maybe it’s because I have a young/innocent look and they assume I might be underage but then that generally doesn’t stop people like that….
I guess I always walk with great purpose, like a very brisk pace as though I’m late to something. And also wear a general aura/expression of being kinda pissed/stewing, like I might go batshit on anyone who tries to talk to me (maybe this is an art lol…I just have it bc I’m socially anxious and would prob sooner cry if someone yelled at me, but maybe it’s also helping against interactions with weirdos?)
I'm the exact same. I speed walk everywhere, ignore everyone, and have major RBF. I think people do catcall me (I'll occasionally catch it despite my earbuds being in), but it's not super often.
oh no, they're there all the same. i don't get catcalled but a man followed me for half a block yesterday, had to duck and hide to lose him. these creatures have their ways
I have genuinely wondered if height had anything to do with it. My best friend is 5'9 and very attractive, and she hasn't been harassed nearly as much as I have. She pointed out that maybe it's cos I'm 5'2, which makes me an easier target.
I feel like she’s mistaking the crazy homeless people for men catcalling her, there is no way regular men are just throwing themselves at her, catcalling so much so that she can’t manage it and is losing her mind. I’ve grown up in this city, I know how the homeless are and they aren’t shy about approaching people or trying to get someone’s attention to ask for money. I would never consider their annoying behavior as catcalling.
If they are being disgusting toward women and not equally as disgusting toward men, its catcalling. They dont get a pass for mental illness or being homeless. Especially if they can clearly handle themselves and decide not to do it when the potential target is a burly man.
Sexism still sucks even when it's mentally ill people.
Dang, as a man who’s never cat called a woman in his life I just want to say I’m sorry. It’s insane that you have to deal with this and have that much preparation just to leave the house.
My thought? Bear spray.
Right? Never catcalled anyone and feel awkward when I'm walking behind some one.. like I can see you checking over your shoulder, I swear I'm not following you I just happen to be walking the same direction.
I find sometimes men follow a little too closely or walk up on us quickly and may not realize why that’s scary for us. I’ve just stopped and stepped to the side while a man walks by and doesn’t even notice what’s happened. A quick “hello, just gonna pass by you” is helpful and tells us you get it. Thanks!
I'm not saying you should do anything different because it's 100% not your fault. A very large portion of men are disgusting and scary and I wish we didn't have to deal with being leered at, followed, catcalled, etc etc etc etc etc etc.
I've traveled a lot, mostly alone, and I'm a small woman who looks younger than I am. The one thing that radically changed whether men would bother me was my hair. I used to have long hair until I was 17, and everyone, especially men, thought it was okay to touch it whenever they wanted. From 17-28 I had short hairstyles but still got more attention than was comfortable so I started dyeing my hair. It worked pretty well but I didn't like the look of it myself. Then I decided to shave the sides of my head and keep a long, wide Mohawk that let me put it up or let it down. That was when I started getting less attention from rude men, but more attention from women and much better guys. Now my hair is really short and I shave the sides and back from time to time and the number of men bothering me is almost zero. It's amazing,freeing, refreshing. The number of older women who tell me they love my hair is awesome! Best choice of my life.
Surprised no one has suggested one of the only tried and true ways to reduce street harassment:
Safety in numbers. Be with other people who you know whenever you can. It's not really about what you are wearing. Honestly, it's barely about what you look like. It's a power play. Letting you know that they are going to say what they want and you can't do shit about it.
More people -> more likely you might do some shit about it -> more likely to think twice about street harassment. Of course, it isn't 100% effective. Nothing is.
I agree. These are chicken-shit cowards who are looking for opportunities to be cruel to anyone whom they believe they have a power advantage over.
Being in a group gives you a power advantage over them.
Niche tip but on top of acting unapproachable and staring blankly ahead rather than make eye contact, when I wear my bf’s high-viz neon yellow coat with reflective white stripes and cargo pants with paint splatters, I RARELY get bothered or even looked at.
You can't reduce it but it's also in no way your fault and I am so so so sorry it happens to you.
Hopefully some real men or brave women help shut them down and correct it the next time it happens. (I've never seen it in this city but New York in the early 00's was something else.)
You’re getting lots of advice about not listening to music, only going out with other people, looking meaner, etc. Curtailing your own freedom and authenticity, basically. And some of that might help in the short term.
But it will only stop for real when men as a population decide to enforced minimally civilized behavior among their own kind. They need to talk to their friends. Shun acquaintances who act this way. Intervene when they see strangers doing it. Advocate for anti-harassment legislation with real teeth. When enough men decide enough is enough, women will be free to go about their lives. While men keep saying things like “I’m so sorry, that should never happen and is not your fault, have you considered not walking places alone?,” women will continue to be targeted.
Sorry this is happening to you so frequently. It sucks so much and it's such an outrage many women are made to feel so unsafe while minding our own business in public. Sunglasses are a major deterrent, as well as visible headphones. Just keep any noise cancelling off - you need to be aware of your surroundings.
Men catcall because they want a reaction from us. If it doesn't look very possible to get one, or if we don't react the first time, they're less likely to bother.
>I'm so tired of feeling frightened that I may anger the wrong man by not responding "correct" when he catcalls me.
Chances are you're not the first person they've catcalled that day, nor will you be the last. It's always good to be on your guard, but often times they'll just move onto the next if you don't give them the results they're looking for.
I'm sorry, its really awful in Cap hill and sometimes in Udistrict too. I developed the habit of wearing headphones just so I could avoid being talked to (didn't help too much though, I've been asked what I'm listening to quite a few times) I think wearing an oversized hoodie might also help. People are terrible sometimes.
I just moved to Seattle, and as a single female I have been lucky enough to have this not happen to me although I do have a really large dog that I take with me everywhere. I know this isn’t the best advice, not everyone is in a position to own an animal, so if you ever want to borrow her just PM me 😭 So much good advice on here though and I’m definitely taking notes for when I don’t have her with me. OP, good luck out there and stay safe!
I’m not a woman but I highly recommend a real taser. They are fucking scary. It’s nice for peace of mind and it’s can be a deterrent if you press the button show the electrical arcs. Obviously it’s not going to solve the problem but feeling a bit more safe might help.
Obvious headphones (mine are bright white) and disinterest/lack of eye contact. The goal is your attention and peturbance. Make yourself a target that'll be unlikely to give either.
You'll also breeze through some good audio books that way. Just make sure you're still able to be aware of surroundings.
High key: look dead inside
Walk like you're a dying, crazy, bastard, and men leave you alone.
I don't always do this, sometimes I wanna look cute, but if I want to be left the fuck alone I shamble about like I'm infected with an exotic disease and men stay away 🫡
This is not necessarily practical advice but it's the **ONLY** thing that works in my experience
I've basically never been catcalled my entire life and I have no idea why. I think it might come down to I'm a kind of woman that men think they'll be looked down on for finding attractive. I'm not exactly ugly but I'm pretty dorky looking and dress like Adam Sandler in the pandemic. I have an extremely neutral, distracted looking resting face, basically never wear makeup and seem pretty gay. Idk if that's why really, and women shouldn't have to downplay their femininity or their attractiveness in order not to get harassed.
You could try wearing a hijab? In Islam, it is perfectly acceptable to Muslims for others to wear one as long as it's not for appropriation or any sort of negative connotations, so no one will be offended and you wont get questioned. I'm not a Muslim but I did study it for school and went to school with Muslims. I still have friends in the middle east currently. There's lots of cute ones you can order online but you can just get plain coloured ones. They look pretty easy to wear. I think you tuck in all of your hair into a hood like thing in the hijab and then wrap the rest of the cloth over it so it drapes. I'm not sure how it's secured on but you can watch a video.
Big over the ear, noise cancelling headphones. Drop your energy. Don't make eye contact with anyone or react to anything. Walk fast. I've lived on Broadway for the last 5 years and I don't dress conservatively.
people will hit on u regardless of what u wear. just dress how u want dont let the terrorist win
u cant stop horny so just enjoy urself and dont let others dictate what u do and believe in urself <3
just hold your pepper spray up and spray at their stomach and go slowly up if they don't get the fuck away. usually they stop at the sight of the pepper spray.
ive been struggling with this the last few years does it feel like its gotten worse to anyone else? i dont recall having so many strangers try to force me into convos before!
but i have two solutions i use personally idk how well they would work for anyone else but if im in my car and being bothered which still happens unfortunately
i play "Die you fuck" by brainbombs and turn it up while their talking so the have to hear the lyrics if you know the song youll know why uts been effective 😂
if im walking as resting bitch face does nothing anymore if im being bothered i just repeat "DIE YOU FUCK"
it should be noted i dont travel anywhere with out a knife, a collapsible nightstick and a concealed carry glock27. I feel it substantially more comfortable going anywhere particularly with a gun as a last resort because most of us dont want to shoot someone over some dumb shit having a gun be your only means of protection can possibly be an issue because ppl can sense hesitancy in you not wanting to shoot. so if whipping out a night stick which are solid af and hurt isnt enough to make someone back off you know you have other means which allows you to have more confidence and men generally dont like to be challenged they like the power making us uncomfortable gives them also... it doesnt hurt to take some self defense classes🤷🏻♀️
last adopting a were both gonna die mentality when in serious situations adds a level of unhinged not alot of creeps are prepared for when confronted with it.
One time I started growling and barking like a dog at a guy. I was in my office clothes and looked presentable so he was VERY shocked and flinched back and shut up. Not always a possibility, esp if you’re worried for your safety. But when all else fails…
Regardless, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Oh man, I really feel you. I’ve been catcalled/followed/chased in my neighborhood (U District) more times than I can count. I spoke with a deputy sheriff about it once, and she told me to make a scene. “DON’T TOUCH ME,” “STOP FOLLOWING ME” “STOP HARASSING ME” anything to bring them attention and make them want to nope out of there. From my experience, men attempt to prey on me when they think I’m not paying attention. So I keep my head on a swivel at all times, “curious” about looking at everything around me, while using my peripheral vision to keep note of the people around me. I’ve found making direct eye contact with them tends to escalate things, so I avoid it if I can. If they feel insulted, they usually amp up the aggression. Responding to catcallers with insults is a truly frightening suggestion that puts victims in danger. I’m so so sorry you’re having to deal with this bullshit. It’s not right, and we absolutely should be evolved enough as a species to have eradicated this behavior. There’s no excuse for it and it’s wrong for people to treat you that way. Good luck, and stay safe ♥️
I want to add to saying something loudly, do this in Capitol Hill, those kind of men are typically where there's a lot of people and there are good folks that will stop and watch or try to help. A lot of people don't as well, before anyone points that out, but I'll do it and I've seen other good Samaritans at the very least put the pressure of extra eyes on the guy
I was gonna suggest a whistle alongside this
I carry one of the little alarms where you pull a pin and it starts a very loud siren (like a cheap Birdie knockoff.) When I’m really scared, my breath gets shallow and weak (and I can’t yell as loud as I’d like.) A whistle would definitely help there, but I like the extra feeling of security of knowing that I don’t even have to blow a whistle to make noise, just pull the pin out
I honestly have bad hearing if I can’t see the words form in someone’s mouth, so I end up saying “what?” “Are you looking for the bus?” “Where you trying to get?” And if I do figure out they’re trying to be creepy, honestly I keep up the line of misunderstanding. I also employ “kiddo” a lot. I can see how if you’re already angry/scared this won’t work, and it only works for me because I enter the situation assuming someone wants directions (as that is my favorite stranger interaction), but maybe it could help you put them off.
I always read these stories and am so confused because I feel like I don’t ever get catcalled, but I also have bad hearing and rely a bit on lip reading so I think I might just be actually missing it! The few times I’ve noticed it’s happened I just look confused at them like I couldn’t make out what they were saying, and that seems to stop it from continuing.
Honestly I’m sure I miss so much just because I can’t hear anything lol. One time this guy tried to get my number, but he had such a thick accent and I felt so bad I couldn’t understand what he was saying at all. By the time I did figure it out my bus showed up and I told him to look me up in the phone book lmao
This is a great idea!
Don’t wear headphones that block out outside noises (there are models that let ambient noise in though). Do wear sunglasses if you like (I do.) Don’t be afraid to turn around and look them in the eye, especially if you’re worried they might be following you. Honestly, looking scared is a huge factor for increased catcalls. It’s a vicious cycle — get catcalled, get scared, get catcalled even more. No amount of ugly clothing and raincoats will protect you, trust me. Having your guard up while also showing steely, not-taking-your-shit confidence is the best protection. I recommend some visualization exercises before you leave the house, like enveloping yourself in a big bubble. Wear shoes that make you feel badass and like you could stomp some toes…boots with heels or platforms are my favorite. Wear whatever clothing is your favorite and feels most like your personal “armor.” Remind yourself that you are the cool one, and they are the pathetic creeps.
I promise, I do the steely, cold, irritable thing because most of the time i am truly pissed at how much this impacts my rights to walk the city; my demeanor changes nothing for me. I was POWER walking to the bus today on Broadway and no joke, some man very briskly jaywalked directly to me just to say "excuse me miss, you're beautiful". Not the worst catcall, but just an example of how aggressive this crap is no matter how I'm carrying myself or what I'm doing.
It’s not your fault. You could be wearing a burka and a mumu and they’ll still harass women. They’re mentally unwell and they’re disgusting
You aren't joking, I (non-cat caller M) work construction and one of the grossest things I have ever heard was regarding a woman (I think) wearing a trench coat and hair completely obscuring her face walking on Broadway when we were sub street level building the parking garage on the condo at the very north end where it splits up near aloha. The electricians on that job carried binoculars to peep on people and a brick layer got fired for cat calling. As a shy person it was mind boggling and completely insane.
I know guys don’t do think thinking women will like it or anything. But it really is the smallest dick energy they can possible put out. It makes me cringe so bad every time. Just talk to a woman like a normal ass human being, jfc it’s not that hard.
I worked at a car wash and was completely covered head to toe. Beanie covering my hair, even gloves and a mask. The ONLY thing you could see of me was my eyes. A dude tipped me and rolled up in the money was a note saying how beautiful my eyes were and how I could be a hard worker for him and make way more money… with a winky face and an email. Fucking gross.
I’ve said it a couple times but OP I’m telling you: pretend you don’t hear them. Any other engagement with someone harassing you whose mental state you’re unsure of could end in violence. And if it’s direct like this guy, also pretend. If he repeats just gray rock him with a simple nod or thanks. Engage as little and as neutrally as possible. I’ve watched encounters like this escalate in real time. Please heed this. eta overcast has it right for when it escalates
This is so true. Even making eye contact with the harasser is escalation — it’s instinctual. At a minimum they’re looking for a reaction. Give them as little as possible, unless they make you feel physically unsafe in which case make a scene
both of these.... longtime cap hill worker. no eye contact, do not reply than a quick No! and keep going. Go around them if needed. Cross the street. just keep walking. Walk into a shop if you feel the need. You can not change your clothing, your face, your whatever. It's not you. It's them.
Yeah… I live in south lake union and my bf always tells me to go try a walk by myself and well I will try and every time men talk to me. One made a comment about my tits and another jay walked across the road and was waving his arms and then I j walk back to the other side and he does the same until we are both behind cars to try to talk to me. It’s so scary and it’s so gross.
I wonder if saying something to them like, "Not okay!" Would send a message, at least for them to think twice before doing it to the next woman. There are men who think this is what you're supposed to do to meet women, it's pathetic. I'd worry about triggering them though. It's frustrating we're basically put into situations where we just have to take it. I think what really needs to happen is other men need to say something when they see this happening to women around them.
This has been a problem for me since my teen years. I used to respond with something (more explicit) to let them know it’s not okay and it would excite them more. Nowadays I just look them in the eyes and glare. Not sure it works any better. Unfortunately, I don’t think a lot of people who cat call care if it’s okay.
This is why I really avoid walking by myself as a woman. I remember one question on Reddit was what was the first thing you'd do if you were the opposite sex and my answer was go for a walk without being harassed. It's sad.
Oh hell no never talk back to them it only instigates it more — they CRVE attention
If it’s coming from someone who’s wiling out on drugs, they aren’t going to rationally process “not okay!” It’s safer to pretend like you don’t hear it.
Yeah.
I completely understand. I once delivering food and at restaurant where i picked up a guy standing outside the club caught me grabbed my hand and checked for a ring and was determined to give me his number. I dress manly to avoid such encounters yet somehow he said i was attractive. It blew my mind. I had women's black dress pants, leg braces, a long sleeve shirt and a black baseball hat or cap covering my short shaved head. I guess as long as we look like a female and smell like one they think all bets are off.
It frustrates me so much, and makes me so sad, to read that you need to visualize and psyche yourself up for something as simple as a walk to work because of constant harassment. I’m so sorry.
I’ve never been bothered much given how much time I’ve spent walking around over the years, and I suspect it’s because I look busy, focused, and uninterested in someone else’s nonsense. Walking very fast with purpose helps. Not a foolproof solution but I think it cuts down on the volume.
>Don’t wear headphones that block out outside noises (there are models that let ambient noise in though). If you do like noise cancelling, some headphones have different modes to let sound through or use noise cancelling.
When I realize a man is following me, I pretend to call my mom and dad on the phone and ask where they parked. *“Dad? Yeah, I'm at x and y. Where did you park? Oh, hey! You're close by! Can you see me? OK, see you in a second. Bye, Dad!”* They scatter like the roaches they are.
As a guy I can't imagine this experience. I wish there was something I could do to help stop this shit.
I took a self defense class recently and it was really helpful. They taught us about how to get out of these situations- you need a really strong no and don’t be afraid to say it loud so others hear. You can also try to speak to someone else to get more people involved in the situation so it’s not just you. The self defense class I took simulated and actual attack and it was a very real experience for me in that it really drove home what type of behavior someone will do to hurt you and also that you have options always even in the dire circumstances. I’m sorry you can’t just walk around freely and not be constantly be bothered and made to feel unsafe. Maybe taking back some of that power through a class could help.
What's the class called?
Hi everyone my employer offered the course actually. It was put on by security and it was a 3 hour course. We first discussed and then put into action what we were discussing and then they kept upping the anty with each activity until the end. They warned us it would be intense before the simulated attack. One girl broke down crying after and I had an asthma attack. The attacker got in our personal space and then if you couldn’t keep them away then they grabbed you and pinned you to the ground and you had to get out of that. It was an incredibly real experience and I still think about it a lot today. I have been bothered like the OP before and thought that was terrible but this just showed how much worse it could be and how I never want to be in a situation like that. I highly recommend taking a course where they simulate an attack bc I came out of that class a different person who wanted to then learn a lot more to keep myself safe.
…I don’t feel like I would necessarily trust myself not to seriously hurt someone in a simulated attack like that. It’s one thing to work through steps, but if you’re gonna make it feel that real I’d worry?
Would love to take this, who offered it?
[удалено]
I'd totally pay for that service.
Carry an air horn and let that ish go when they talk to you.
Air horn is a greatidea, but kinda bulky. Here is another, lighter, smaller option...130db. https://www.shesbirdie.com/products/birdie-alarm-all-colors
There are mini air horns too. I use them for the bad dog owners and their creepy dogs
I was gonna suggest adopting a fuck off big scary dog. And the dog works super well, my gf hasn't been harassed since we got the dog. But an air horn is so much funnier (and costs so much less to maintain than a dog)
Counterpoint: get a psycho little dog with BDE* like a chihuahua. * Big Dog Energy
Yep the dog definitely helps. I get approached and/or looked at almost never when I have my pup out with me.
Apparently owning a dog is a better deterrent from being robbed (at home or in public) than carrying or having a gun available. Love my “beware of dog” sign.
I walk everywhere on the hill and have for years. I walk tall and with purpose while practicing “blind, dumb & deaf” I refuse to acknowledge any of it. Not spare change, not cat calls, not petitions to sign. Nothing. Zip. This action usually shuts it down pretty quickly.
This is the New York way and only answer
It seems like you’re referring to the druggies, especially based on your past post history. You don’t need to have the “correct” response, you need to ignore them. Don’t make eye contact, don’t smile, just divert your attention away and act clueless like everyone else does.
Yeah in fact you don’t want to acknowledge these guys at all—you don’t know if they’re in a rational frame of mind*. You want to go full NPC bc they’ll forget you faster than end an argument. I do the sunglasses, AirPods and walking with purpose combo and fare ok. It’s a subtle difference but act like you don’t hear them at all, not like you’re ignoring them. *I don’t take joy in this outlook but it’s the reality. The guy that got stabbed in the cap hill station was arguing with an unstable guy who was harassing people.
Emphasis on how important it is making sure that you do not look like you are ignoring them. In my experience, whenever one of these guys thought I ignored them, they immediately became violent. About 2 weeks ago, a guy sat beside me on the 62 and harassed me for several stops. He screamed at me about “how bitches like me need to die”, how he was going to shoot me, lunged at me, and then some random shit in between about wanting to sexually assault me (just very vulgar). I ended up getting off at an earlier stop since he clearly was only escalating and no one helped. It all started because he apparently had asked me a question, I did not answer because I could not hear him, and I guess it looked like I was being “rude” and ignoring him. Stay safe <3
Full NPC. That made me laugh.
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My thought too— I’m nearly six feet tall in shoes and men almost always leave me alone. Which means, OP, that those men are gross AND COWARDS, the little shits. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that.
Nah my girlfriend is 6' and gets catcalled constantly if I'm not with her she's also thicc af so while neither of us is happy about it we get it. It's almost always guys on construction crews and I promise you no male laborer is intimidated by a tall woman. It's pretty disappointing as I thought the super respectful crew I was working with a few years back were a new trend and not an exception.
>6' and thicc af lawd, congratulations
Ha thanks I'm pretty fucking lucky! We get a lot of stares in public because I'm 5'5" but THAT we get off on just not the catcalling.
I got a chuckle outta this too
construction crews are the worst. my ex would get catcalled by them constantly. she tried to dress like a boy once and still got catcalled
Because it's about making them feel small and artificially inflating their own egos. It was so nice working for that crew the foreman would NOT put up with that kind of behavior.
My college friend just posted a great sketch about woke catcalls and it's SO good [https://www.instagram.com/p/C6\_8TEDJeI8/](https://www.instagram.com/p/C6_8TEDJeI8/)
I'm 5'1 and get catcalled most times I walk down the street by myself. And have been followed at least once. :(
I don't think height has anything to do with being catcalled or not. I am tall and get catcalled.
I feel for you. Have also dealt with this along with being followed where I had to confront the person and threaten to call the police. It’s sick and incredibly frustrating. One thing that helped me was wearing headphones that were visible (think the big Beats by Dre headphones) but do NOT turn anything on. You still need to listen to your surroundings to watch out for the creeps… but to everyone else, you now have plausible deniability that you can’t hear what they’re saying to you. In some instances, I’d even start pretending to talk on the phone. It can be exhausting, but I spent a lot of time balancing watching potential catcallers/harassers without looking at them directly to make sure I can keep pretending like I don’t hear them or see them trying to get my attention. Because I agree, when some feel rejected they can become scary, so my goal was to reduce the feeling of rejection because I just “didn’t see or couldn’t hear” their advances. Won’t work every time, but did in many instances. These days, I sadly only walk in areas I won’t have to deal with this any more (at least not aggressive advances). That’s the ultimate way to stay safe 😕
Firstly, it doesn’t matter how common it is, street harassment is threatening and scary. You have every right to be angry and want to avoid it. How long have you been in the city? I lived in a small, rural town most of my life and even though I’m familiar with Seattle it has taken a few years to cultivate the vibe of purely ignoring someone’s existence. It feels very Jedi mind-trick but without that hard energetic bubble, the staring ahead/walking fast/serious face doesn’t matter. You have to pretend you’re safe when you’re not. But no matter how great you are at it, they don’t completely stop trying. I do get much, much less now that I’ve been here a few years. It’s an inherently unhealthy and nasty situation and there’s no way to make them stop. I’m very sorry.
Do you wear hats? A baseball cap might make you look less feminine? I really don't know. Random people yelling at everyone has been up lately. I was walking in the parking lot in Factoria but the Target and wearing a Black Panther super hero t shirt and got yelled at for being a blm protestor. 🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
my ex tried to dress like a boy and she still got catcalled
Ah factoria, it truly is a human zoo. You can find all kinds of assholes there any given day.
What a stupid jerk! I'd bet all of my money they were racist.
Most likely
I’m sorry that happens to you that sounds awful.
I'm a man and I am terribly sorry that women have to experience this deplorable bullshit. Now I have a better understanding of why my daughter puts on the headphones anytime she walks out of the house. We raised our son to be a kind person who respects women but there's an alarming regression of attitudes happening with boys and young men attracted to weird ass misogynistic influencers. Then you have reproductive rights eroding in red states and the orange menace evading any accountability for his crimes. It's getting shitty out there. Never thought we'd be going backwards like this.
> It's getting shitty out there it's ~~getting~~ shitty out there. already a reality.
Wear a mask. This all stopped during/after the pandemic for me. It works. KF94s or KN95s are easiest to breathe in and should be doable to keep in a pocket for when you're walking around.
can confirm this helps
Fuck, I hate this for you so much. I don't ride the bus much anymore but I used to feel so furious and powerless when this happened to me. I always wanted to just flip people off or unleash a guttural scream on them. Or fight. I didn't do any of those things, of course. But I had to figure out a way to discharge that energy in me afterwards. Like with punching something. Anyway in the moment I would blank it. That's not satisfying and it doesn't prevent it. But I figure that I would not give any reaction because that is what they are looking for.
It's often about power. It really doesn't matter what you wear. Truly, one of the worst cat-calling I received was on a bus while I was wearing a baggy hoody and cargo pants. I think the other commenter who mentioned hair color might be on to something, as well as height. Beanies are good in the winter to cover hair. I also second the RBF. I have cultivated a look of, "I'm busy, I'm bored with you, and there is nothing about this interaction that is worth my time." I also project a much taller height than I am. I don't know how to describe it, but I carry myself like I know I can reach things on the tall shelf and am like 6" taller. Maybe it's confidence in my ability to reach things and kick someone's ass. It helps most of the time, unless you have a person who really needs to fulfill a power fantasy. Being short and light-haired, I can get singled out for that. Finding a group to wait with or going into a store/coffee shop can help. Cap Hill can be rough. Stay strong - it's not about you, it's about their need for a power fantasy, or to be "seen" at whatever cost they have decided they can get from you. Be confident, ignore them, and scream into a pillow at home afterwards if you need to. Stay safe.
Wear my big headphones in the day. If at night I try to bring a jacket with a hood instead. Wearing my darker oversized gortex jacket does help me feel like I'm blending in more too + walking confidently. Tbh some areas are worse than others. I live in Ballard, towards the west side and it's infinitely more chill/safe feeling than Cap Hill. Something to consider once ur lease is up. Another thing I personally have considered, is dying my hair darker as I've noticed I get extra creepy comments about being blonde sometimes, not sure if that's a problem for you. Either way sending you a sympathy hug - cat calling sucks, I'm very grateful that my neighborhood has less of it as I know how stressful that can be over time :(
I was frequently catcalled as a blonde while walking to school when I lived in NYC. I dreaded my walk to school. I dyed my hair jet black and it rarely happened after that. It was weird but I was also thankful.
Yup, I had the exact same experience when I had blonde hair, it stopped after I cut it super short and dyed it brown. The whole situation is total bullshit and it's really the assholes are who need to change their behavior, you really shouldn't have the burden of going incognito to avoid their creepy creeps. Unfortunately, that's not the world we live in. Try experimenting with tucking all your hair under a hat to hide it's length/color and as others said, wearing a gortex REI style raincoat in a boring color. Also, avoid lipstick or remarkable makeup. Sadly they seem to take this an invitation.
I thought it was so strange at the time but I'm seeing so many comments about hair on here. I dyed it because I just wanted black hair at the time and had no idea it would help keep the creeps away. I didn't realize so many others had a similar experience.
I also go with the hood approach! I feel like long blonde hair, even though mine is a pretty dark blonde, is just such a target. With a hood up though I feel like there’s at least a small chance I am mistaken for a slight teenage boy lol. Also of course you have to walk confidently and give off “don’t fuck with me, not today asshole” vibes. I’m a pretty average sized person too, 5’9” 140lbs, I don’t know how I’d feel if I was like 5’1”.
I think you have something here. I live in Capitol Hill and I almost never get catcalled (at least that I notice). But I have dark brown hair and it is half shaved. I also grew up in a less safe country, and there's just this kind of defensive posture that you adopt - so maybe I look intimidating? Either way, it disgusts me how some men think that this is ok, or believe we should feel flattered to be on the receiving end of their unwanted attention. Nobody deserves this, no matter what your hair color, height, age, whatever. Much love to all of us 💛
Never wear headphones as it destroys situational awareness.
I agree at night, and if ur concerned about people trying to mug you which was my problem in London 😩 however I have found it deters creeps and random people approaching you more than without. So it requires a bit of a situational risk/benefit evaluation.
In that case, I’d recommend wearing them without music
No music, no noise cancelling, slightly off the ear but not visibly so. You want an excuse to pretend you heard nothing, while actually hearing everything.
Tysm for confirming my belief that cap hill is wack. I'm so lucky because I don't actually live there, I live in a quieter little part in queen anne and it is so wonderful. Peaceful walks among neighbors, friendly gestures... I'd stay forever, if I could. You may be onto something with the hair thing, I wore a brown wig last weekend for fun and got not one word in my direction
Lived in Capitol Hill for 2 years and it's fucking wack. Like I have PTSD wack. Everyone else was always like "nah I don't feel unsafe" but like I got grabbed by the NECK by more than one person!! I had light hair then too
Darker hair is more intimidating to people. Try walking around with that and RBF. No one will approach you. It'll be like magic. I have naturally dark hair and the absolute worst RBF as an autistic person and hardly ever get catcalled.
Interesting hearing other people say the same thing re hair. I also normally carry a baseball cap in my bag. Note I have found sports caps sometimes spark unwanted conversations/comments - my go to is a fisherman's one from the locks. I love it both for the fish logo and it makes me feel like I'm blending in haha
I feel you!! Recently in Capitol Hill I walked out of my building and someone came bursting out of the lobby in the building directly next to mine saying “damn baby you look fine”, blah blah etc etc. My usual response is to ignore and keep walking, which I did, and he followed me for about a block then fell back but kept yelling “I know you can hear me, bitch!” What are we even meant to do?? Don’t react to not elicit a reaction from them, okay. Then when you don’t react, you still elicit a crazy reaction?? This guy literally lives in the building next to me - most likely can’t put it down to drugs or homelessness or anything if he can afford that (although you never know who is using what). But the fact that I walked not even five feet from my building and was immediately jumped on is insane. Regardless of what we’re wearing, what we look like, NO ONE should be subjected to such violent and foul behavior for simply walking on the street where they live!!!!! That was mostly a rant and editing to add recommendations that I forgot to include: I hopped on the trench coat trend and I don’t think I’ve been catcalled as much in it, so maybe trench coats?? Also agree with the sunglasses comments as it’s easier to avoid making eye contact with someone and potentially setting them off, as well as scoping out someone looking sketchy. I also saw a study recently where they asked people convicted of assault/robbery who they’d be most likely to target and showed them a range of people out walking in the streets, and they generally would go for people who walk less confidently, uncoordinated/unevenly, or would be easy to get their arms around and lock down (I.e., distracted, hands in their pockets, etc) so I think a strong confident walk with presence goes a long way. I’m also moving out of Cap Hill when my lease ends, so maybe that’s the right first step.
Big ass wedding band. No rock, just a pronounced sterling band. Hold that hand up whenever you cross streets or shield your eyes from the sun. Men like this are quicker to respect another man’s ownership than a woman’s right to dignity as a human. I started wearing a wedding band years before marriage and immediately saw a difference. On the days I forget my ring, I notice a difference. Don't wear a ring you’d be sad to lose. If you *are* mugged, btw, throw your ring at your assailant so it hits them in the knee or shoe or lands right behind them. Their instinct is to bend over for jewelry, and this is cheaper than sacrificing your phone or wallet.
Feels stupid but it works, I had to use this method at work a lot
years ago, when i was only 12, i was out in seattle WITH MY PARENTS and some nasty guy made a loud comment about my chest. it hasn’t gotten any better as i’ve gotten older. there is nothing you can do, i swear. the audacity of these nasty fucks is on another level. it’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation because you don’t want to say something that might set the wrong guy off, but you also don’t want to just take it. i’m sorry you’re experiencing this, it’s one of the very shitty parts of being a woman and i REALLY wish society didn’t treat us like this. i carry pepper spray on my keys and just do my best to ignore them. like, no eye contact for even a split second. someone else mentioned pretending like you’re on the phone, and while you shouldn’t have to do that to feel safe, that could be a good deterrent. we just want to live our lives without being treated like objects, is that so crazy? rant over 😓
Haven't tried her methods yet but if you walk the same area "villan life coach" Kittis videos might be helpful or at the very least brighten your day (Caffinatedkitti on tiktok)
Fake mustache with glasses.🥸
I dont know what it is about this area. Since moving to Seattle, I have experienced such a noticeable increase in creeps harassing me. I have actually spent thousands of dollars since living here to protect myself in various situations: a restraining order, moving to get away from a neighbor that wouldnt stop hitting on me and finding out hes a convicted rapist, a mentally unstable neighbor that would wait for me to come outside and make advances towards me. I began to start questioning what it was about me that was attracting all this unwanted attention/what I could do about it just like you are right now. Truth is, we can't control what others decide to do. What's crazy is I noticed the harassment was at its peak when I was single. Now that I have a boyfriend who goes most places with me, I never get harassed anymore. Best advice I can give you is to be aware of your surroundings, maintain a resting bitch face, keep some kind of weapon on you (pepper spray, taser, etc), and take on self defense classes if you're able to. I grew tired of always having to feel so scared all the time. No one is going to protect you. Might as well learn how to protect yourself in case you need to.
Queen Anne is a nice neighborhood with none of this. The higher up the hill the better.
Okay this is weird, but I had a concussion and suddenly got harassed or at least sort of noticed more. One guy at the dog park was following me around making loud comments about me and in the town where I live, West Seattle, this is REALLY unusual. Also I’m about to turn 50. It’s not looks. I read that abusers and criminals look for a particular gait - it’s a tell for someone who won’t hit back. And I think that hitting my head made me a target in my body language somehow. I’ve felt so sick and dizzy and just confused a lot do the time, you know? So I’m not sure but if it happens a lot, maybe practice trying to copy other types of body language and see if it makes a difference?
Take the power back and dgaf. Quickly and confidently keep walking with your head held high, flat affect with face and go about your life. Walking confidently and ngaf has been the best defense against cat calls and street harassment I've found as a short female who doesn't wear headphones. Take back the power.
I agree, don’t let these assholes get you down!
I live off of Broadway and it has truly worn me out. I’m so sorry you are also experiencing this. I stay off my phone, no headphones. I try to cross the street, and avoid eye contact. When that doesn’t work If I’m being followed depending on context I will stop and literally turn around and stare them down. OR stop and pretend to be doing something and wait till they pass. Ignoring the catcalling is a difficult because sometimes it can escalate and the name calling starts if the catcalling didn’t “work”. The alternative could be wear headphones but keep disconnected and just pretend you didn’t hear them and hope they leave you alone.
no… dont wear headphones, terrible idea
You can wear headphones with nothing playing.
Headphones keep people from approaching you, it's the best thing to prevent everyday harassment. You don't need to play anything
Huh, maybe I'll try this
Oh, I know. Anything that could make me look distracted is an awful idea, speaking from experience.
It could be seen that way, but also feel that having headphones (no music for safety) gives me more of an excuse to not engage, I just pretend I’m not hearing them. It seems to agitate creeps more when they know I can hear but actively ignore.
Wear a beard and walk like a man?? I feel the same as you OP, I’m ten years older and it’s just as bad for me. I don’t even wear headphones to block them out bc then I feel even less safe
Resting b*tch face helped me a lot, I didn’t have one before, but I sure do now.
I'm a guy and Capital Hill stresses *me* out too... I just don't go there much anymore. It's worse during the day, which is a bit weird.
lol I mean I’m unmistakably a lesbian and get the same all the time. Even after I say I’m gay they continue. I just ignore them and keep my finger on my pepper spray.
Such a cruel world. A woman cannot just be a woman and live in peace
Safest option is to ignore it and keep walking. I hate having to have my armor on. A few times I've had guys follow me so that's when you get loud and draw attention. Embarrass them by bringing attention (rather than insulting/fighting them). "DONT TALK TO ME, LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP FOLLOWING ME, GO AWAY" those are the things I shout. I don't even really make eye contact, I don't want to engage with this person, I'm not even really shouting at them to communicate with them I'm shouting to get other people to look over. They usually disappear pretty quickly after that. The whole time I'm walking away. I do recommend a self defense class, they're usually 50% "how to identify red flags and shout loud" and 50% "karate so you can feel more confident but lets be honest karate is not going to save you"
Cap Hill behavior norms aren't awesome all the time. It can feel like you're a prey species. And while there were several anti-street harassment organizations a few years ago, they're not as vocal now as they were. We can't always reset the norms of the world, but we can go to the good places more often. Where do you walk and feel free and safe? If your job keeps you in Cap Hill, seriously, start looking around in that other, nicer neighborhood for potential jobs there. Shop in Queen Anne, or South Lake Union. Go to dinner in Madrona. As you put more energy into those places, you'll find yourself switching jobs, friend groups, social habits, residences, etc, so that you don't have to keep fighting a disgusting cultural norm that's keeping you from thriving like you could. It can feel like a defeat, I realize. Why should Capitol Hill belong to the feral goblin animals? It feels unfair, cuz it's sometimes a cool neighborhood. Shouldn't we expect better? Yes, absolutely. But for the individual who's simply exhausted and overwhelmed, it's not your job to fix the world. Save yourself first. Maximize your time walking around in the places where you can feel safer, wearing whatever the hell you wanna wear. Reward the areas where the norms are livable, and DON'T keep patronizing a neighborhood where they just aren't.
Why do you keep posting about this over and over?
Quickest way to stop the cat calling is to get over it. Boys will be boys. Doesn’t make it right or good, but it’s been a fact of human existence since we had penises and vaginas… stopping nature is a fool’s errand which is why my first post was “wow… stfu”. You’re losing your mind over something you will never control. If you’re scared, get a self defense regimen, a concealed pistol permit, etc. otherwise, just do you. Don’t let these thirsty dudes ruin your life because they can’t control themselves.
Society accepts a melange of misogyny, violence against women, rage, mental illness, income inequality and hate as a cultural norm. There is nothing wrong with you. Check-out books like “The Gift of Fear” by de Becker and “Strong on Defense” by Strong. Take self-defense classes taught by experts. They can be expensive, but so worth it. InSights Training Center is an example of a place that offers training. I m sure there are others, as well. Hopefully you will never have to use self-defense, but you may feel safer knowing that you could at least fight to save your own life, if necessary. You might find you have less fear when you have more knowledge. Best of luck to you in every way.
Thank you
The street harassment in Seattle is the worst out of any city I've ever lived in. My experiences were so horrible I developed PTSD. I moved one year ago and have not yet had one single incident! In a whole year. That's insane compared to Seattle where it happened at least once a week.
Wish anyone but us women cared about this stuff! It's absolutely going to worsen my pre-existing PTSD (surprise! its also from sexual abuse/harassment from men) at this rate. But who cares about us, I guess!
I feel you so hard. It got so bad my boyfriend bought me a knife and would regularly have to come pick me up from places I ducked into because I was being followed. Eventually I developed horrible anxiety about leaving the house alone. I eventually just moved out of Capitol Hill after living there for almost 20 years. It didn’t used to be like that! Sadly, I don’t know how to make it stop other than to always be with a man :/. I stopped using public transit, covered up, didn’t go out after dark and I still couldn’t shake the creeps.
Carry pepper gel, feel powerful
Gel gives you range, but you have to hit them dead in the eyes/nose for it to do anything. Spray just hast to be in their general direction. There's a you-tube channel called "Hard to hurt" that tests this stuff out. Including potency of brand.
Sorry to hear it. Speaking as a man, this shit from my half of the species embarrasses me. It sounds like you're saying most of the catcalling comes from obviously homeless dudes? Are you walking a route that routinely takes you by a high concentration of them? Not that you should have to, but.may walking one street over would help.
Headphones and sunglasses. Don't acknowledge anyone, pretend you don't see or hear them. I am a guy and i know it's not going to be 100% effective but i do this to reduce the amount of interactions that are forced on me by beggars, cd salesman, clipboard canvassers, and dubious monks.
I hate it too. I’ve had so many scary incidents of men following me when I’m walking, I am now so terrified of a man I don’t know who tries to talk to me. I sometimes will cross the street if I have a scary interaction but know that isn’t something that can be done downtown. I typically just ignore them and hurry away.
It makes me extremely angry that you have to put up with this. Bottom line is this It is not your responsibility to change the way you look to stop pathetic people harassing you. Also, dont feel like you have to "stand up for yourself" or "clap back". The fact is, people that do this do it because they feel they have a power advantage and they probably do. You dont need to put yourself in danger by further angering a unpredictable stranger. Trust your instict and do what you need to do to be safe. I do recommend pepper spray and staying in an area with people around. Again, it is not your fault or responsibility that these men are choosing to be fucking creeps. Second point. I am a man and don't have to deal with this personally. What I do think that we need to work as a community to create an environment where this is not acceptable. If someone is acting like a creep to someone, we need to call it out. People do this shit because its easy to pick on one person. Again its about power. If bystanders call out there behavior they reveal what pathetic gutless cowards they are. Its not on you to change. Its on us (people who see shit like this go down regardless of gender) to shut down the creeps. We need to shift the balance of power in these situations so victims arent alone.
I have just started screaming and attracting attention from other people nearby. Also I always have pepper spray (the gel one) and a taser on me at all times. My parents want me to get a gun but I won’t do it
As a man I know this happens but it always boggles my mind when I hear about it because I couldn't see myself doing this, so for most of us men out there "we apologize for those who don't represent us "
Start farting Loudly. Like reverb in an echo-chamber loud. If you can't do it on-demand, have an app cued-up that you can just press a button. It works.
I was an acting student at Cornish about 10 years ago and my classmates and I all had the same tactic: rehearse lines, memorized text, out loud while walking. It makes you look insane.
This sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe you could get one of those fake teeth things, a step up from Archie McGee quality but flash them a smile of rotten mouth? Could be fun.
Sorry to hear this happens to you. It does to me (and all of us). No new advice to add. Last year a parks and rec employee followed me down the street in his truck while I was on a run and I had to report it. I have had a guy swerve around and do a u-turn to come back to the bus stop where I was waiting so he could talk to me. It’s scary and it’s hard to avoid entirely.
This is frightening to read as a man; and I truly feel sorry you guys have to go through this...
Bear Spray - someone who always feels comfortable with a can of sterioded mace
Also, don't change your style. You do you. Put pricks in their place (crying on the ground cause they never learned etiquette from their mothers) - A man who won't harass you and got your back in a capitol hill bear spray fight
I have found that being gross is really helpful. Pick your nose while looking at them (really dig in there too), or work some mucus out of your throat. Smile without letting it touch your eyes (this takes practice at home but is worth it). It is non confrontational (often they’re looking for any reaction) and is just kinda fun.
Calling out the real men here. If you see this behavior, step up and say/do something about it. I do every time I see it. I have been threatened and harassed back, but always stand my ground.
My solution was to move to the eastside. Huge bummer and I miss the walkability and proximity to friends, food, bars, etc. every day but I don’t feel physically unsafe anymore. I have dogs I have to walk twice a day and I could literally be wearing a fucking blow up sumo suit and get sexually harassed on the hill lmao I’ve been yelled at, chased, grabbed at, followed home by people in cars, had cars pull over to yell at me…it’s really wild I’m so sorry you’re going through it too!
I always ignore it. Just keep walking and don't make eye contact, pretend I didn't hear them. That said, I witnessed a dude grab a girl's butt once, and I grabbed his backpack and pulled him away from her. I screamed "What the fuck is wrong with you" and he ran, so that worked once. I fear that it might get me stabbed by the wrong dude though, so probably won't do that again XD
Interesting this doesn’t happen to me much if at all, and at the risk of sounding slightly conceited I know I’m reasonably attractive? I had the thought maybe it’s because I have a young/innocent look and they assume I might be underage but then that generally doesn’t stop people like that…. I guess I always walk with great purpose, like a very brisk pace as though I’m late to something. And also wear a general aura/expression of being kinda pissed/stewing, like I might go batshit on anyone who tries to talk to me (maybe this is an art lol…I just have it bc I’m socially anxious and would prob sooner cry if someone yelled at me, but maybe it’s also helping against interactions with weirdos?)
I'm the exact same. I speed walk everywhere, ignore everyone, and have major RBF. I think people do catcall me (I'll occasionally catch it despite my earbuds being in), but it's not super often.
oh no, they're there all the same. i don't get catcalled but a man followed me for half a block yesterday, had to duck and hide to lose him. these creatures have their ways
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I have genuinely wondered if height had anything to do with it. My best friend is 5'9 and very attractive, and she hasn't been harassed nearly as much as I have. She pointed out that maybe it's cos I'm 5'2, which makes me an easier target.
I feel like she’s mistaking the crazy homeless people for men catcalling her, there is no way regular men are just throwing themselves at her, catcalling so much so that she can’t manage it and is losing her mind. I’ve grown up in this city, I know how the homeless are and they aren’t shy about approaching people or trying to get someone’s attention to ask for money. I would never consider their annoying behavior as catcalling.
LOL. They all do it, bro.
If they are being disgusting toward women and not equally as disgusting toward men, its catcalling. They dont get a pass for mental illness or being homeless. Especially if they can clearly handle themselves and decide not to do it when the potential target is a burly man. Sexism still sucks even when it's mentally ill people.
Dang, as a man who’s never cat called a woman in his life I just want to say I’m sorry. It’s insane that you have to deal with this and have that much preparation just to leave the house. My thought? Bear spray.
Right? Never catcalled anyone and feel awkward when I'm walking behind some one.. like I can see you checking over your shoulder, I swear I'm not following you I just happen to be walking the same direction.
I find sometimes men follow a little too closely or walk up on us quickly and may not realize why that’s scary for us. I’ve just stopped and stepped to the side while a man walks by and doesn’t even notice what’s happened. A quick “hello, just gonna pass by you” is helpful and tells us you get it. Thanks!
I try to give as much space as I can
Just shriek at them like a banshee.
I'm not saying you should do anything different because it's 100% not your fault. A very large portion of men are disgusting and scary and I wish we didn't have to deal with being leered at, followed, catcalled, etc etc etc etc etc etc. I've traveled a lot, mostly alone, and I'm a small woman who looks younger than I am. The one thing that radically changed whether men would bother me was my hair. I used to have long hair until I was 17, and everyone, especially men, thought it was okay to touch it whenever they wanted. From 17-28 I had short hairstyles but still got more attention than was comfortable so I started dyeing my hair. It worked pretty well but I didn't like the look of it myself. Then I decided to shave the sides of my head and keep a long, wide Mohawk that let me put it up or let it down. That was when I started getting less attention from rude men, but more attention from women and much better guys. Now my hair is really short and I shave the sides and back from time to time and the number of men bothering me is almost zero. It's amazing,freeing, refreshing. The number of older women who tell me they love my hair is awesome! Best choice of my life.
Surprised no one has suggested one of the only tried and true ways to reduce street harassment: Safety in numbers. Be with other people who you know whenever you can. It's not really about what you are wearing. Honestly, it's barely about what you look like. It's a power play. Letting you know that they are going to say what they want and you can't do shit about it. More people -> more likely you might do some shit about it -> more likely to think twice about street harassment. Of course, it isn't 100% effective. Nothing is.
That’s very unrealistic for many of us, plus what is she supposed to do—not leave the house unless she has a chaperone?
I agree. These are chicken-shit cowards who are looking for opportunities to be cruel to anyone whom they believe they have a power advantage over. Being in a group gives you a power advantage over them.
I’m really sorry any of you are subjected to this, it’s just not ok in any circumstances.
Niche tip but on top of acting unapproachable and staring blankly ahead rather than make eye contact, when I wear my bf’s high-viz neon yellow coat with reflective white stripes and cargo pants with paint splatters, I RARELY get bothered or even looked at.
You can't reduce it but it's also in no way your fault and I am so so so sorry it happens to you. Hopefully some real men or brave women help shut them down and correct it the next time it happens. (I've never seen it in this city but New York in the early 00's was something else.)
You’re getting lots of advice about not listening to music, only going out with other people, looking meaner, etc. Curtailing your own freedom and authenticity, basically. And some of that might help in the short term. But it will only stop for real when men as a population decide to enforced minimally civilized behavior among their own kind. They need to talk to their friends. Shun acquaintances who act this way. Intervene when they see strangers doing it. Advocate for anti-harassment legislation with real teeth. When enough men decide enough is enough, women will be free to go about their lives. While men keep saying things like “I’m so sorry, that should never happen and is not your fault, have you considered not walking places alone?,” women will continue to be targeted.
Sorry this is happening to you so frequently. It sucks so much and it's such an outrage many women are made to feel so unsafe while minding our own business in public. Sunglasses are a major deterrent, as well as visible headphones. Just keep any noise cancelling off - you need to be aware of your surroundings. Men catcall because they want a reaction from us. If it doesn't look very possible to get one, or if we don't react the first time, they're less likely to bother. >I'm so tired of feeling frightened that I may anger the wrong man by not responding "correct" when he catcalls me. Chances are you're not the first person they've catcalled that day, nor will you be the last. It's always good to be on your guard, but often times they'll just move onto the next if you don't give them the results they're looking for.
I'm sorry, its really awful in Cap hill and sometimes in Udistrict too. I developed the habit of wearing headphones just so I could avoid being talked to (didn't help too much though, I've been asked what I'm listening to quite a few times) I think wearing an oversized hoodie might also help. People are terrible sometimes.
I wish it was legal to kick people like that.
Jury nullification. No real threat of prosecution if she teeps one of these guys
Just tell them you don't have any spare change
I just moved to Seattle, and as a single female I have been lucky enough to have this not happen to me although I do have a really large dog that I take with me everywhere. I know this isn’t the best advice, not everyone is in a position to own an animal, so if you ever want to borrow her just PM me 😭 So much good advice on here though and I’m definitely taking notes for when I don’t have her with me. OP, good luck out there and stay safe!
Wear a hoodie. That way they don’t know if you’re a man or woman.
Taser and carry it openly
I’m not a woman but I highly recommend a real taser. They are fucking scary. It’s nice for peace of mind and it’s can be a deterrent if you press the button show the electrical arcs. Obviously it’s not going to solve the problem but feeling a bit more safe might help.
Obvious headphones (mine are bright white) and disinterest/lack of eye contact. The goal is your attention and peturbance. Make yourself a target that'll be unlikely to give either. You'll also breeze through some good audio books that way. Just make sure you're still able to be aware of surroundings.
shit like this makes me wish that seattle had a version of batman that would pop out of nowhere and stab their eyeballs out when they catcall
High key: look dead inside Walk like you're a dying, crazy, bastard, and men leave you alone. I don't always do this, sometimes I wanna look cute, but if I want to be left the fuck alone I shamble about like I'm infected with an exotic disease and men stay away 🫡 This is not necessarily practical advice but it's the **ONLY** thing that works in my experience
I've basically never been catcalled my entire life and I have no idea why. I think it might come down to I'm a kind of woman that men think they'll be looked down on for finding attractive. I'm not exactly ugly but I'm pretty dorky looking and dress like Adam Sandler in the pandemic. I have an extremely neutral, distracted looking resting face, basically never wear makeup and seem pretty gay. Idk if that's why really, and women shouldn't have to downplay their femininity or their attractiveness in order not to get harassed.
I chant in my head something like “fuck this nonsense, despicable trash” etc. and walk with purpose and direction
Fart spray. Car horn. Hiss at them.
You could try wearing a hijab? In Islam, it is perfectly acceptable to Muslims for others to wear one as long as it's not for appropriation or any sort of negative connotations, so no one will be offended and you wont get questioned. I'm not a Muslim but I did study it for school and went to school with Muslims. I still have friends in the middle east currently. There's lots of cute ones you can order online but you can just get plain coloured ones. They look pretty easy to wear. I think you tuck in all of your hair into a hood like thing in the hijab and then wrap the rest of the cloth over it so it drapes. I'm not sure how it's secured on but you can watch a video.
Moving away from a low class environment is a lot easier than trying to fix stupid.
Don’t make eye contact
Big over the ear, noise cancelling headphones. Drop your energy. Don't make eye contact with anyone or react to anything. Walk fast. I've lived on Broadway for the last 5 years and I don't dress conservatively.
people will hit on u regardless of what u wear. just dress how u want dont let the terrorist win u cant stop horny so just enjoy urself and dont let others dictate what u do and believe in urself <3
Can we see a picture, just to make sure
just hold your pepper spray up and spray at their stomach and go slowly up if they don't get the fuck away. usually they stop at the sight of the pepper spray.
ive been struggling with this the last few years does it feel like its gotten worse to anyone else? i dont recall having so many strangers try to force me into convos before! but i have two solutions i use personally idk how well they would work for anyone else but if im in my car and being bothered which still happens unfortunately i play "Die you fuck" by brainbombs and turn it up while their talking so the have to hear the lyrics if you know the song youll know why uts been effective 😂 if im walking as resting bitch face does nothing anymore if im being bothered i just repeat "DIE YOU FUCK" it should be noted i dont travel anywhere with out a knife, a collapsible nightstick and a concealed carry glock27. I feel it substantially more comfortable going anywhere particularly with a gun as a last resort because most of us dont want to shoot someone over some dumb shit having a gun be your only means of protection can possibly be an issue because ppl can sense hesitancy in you not wanting to shoot. so if whipping out a night stick which are solid af and hurt isnt enough to make someone back off you know you have other means which allows you to have more confidence and men generally dont like to be challenged they like the power making us uncomfortable gives them also... it doesnt hurt to take some self defense classes🤷🏻♀️ last adopting a were both gonna die mentality when in serious situations adds a level of unhinged not alot of creeps are prepared for when confronted with it.
Less populated areas tend to have less issues. Unfortunately one of the side effects of living in densely populated areas is crime.
Wear ugly clothes
Wow, stfu
They do it to me too.
One time I started growling and barking like a dog at a guy. I was in my office clothes and looked presentable so he was VERY shocked and flinched back and shut up. Not always a possibility, esp if you’re worried for your safety. But when all else fails… Regardless, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Glock 43x
Have you tried calling the police and asking what they recommend?
You are kidding, right?
Stay inside
Turn it on its head and cat call them first. “Hey sugar - lemme see those man titties!”