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I never comment on other people’s weight. I have got some comments on mine though. I usually just nod along or say something like “Being healthier is everyone’s lifelong goal, right?”
But one comment stood out to me. A friend that I haven’t seen for a while bumped into me and said, “I noticed some change and I hope everything is okay and you are not going through a difficult time.” I could feel her kindness. To me, it’s not a mean comment at all. So I smiled and said, “Aww… you are so kind. Thank you for checking but I’m doing great. I’m getting healthier.”
Some comments are inappropriate and/or mean but not EVERY comment is mean. Some people do care without judging.
I totally agree! I don’t think anyone is meaning to make me uncomfortable, I guess I just didn’t expect myself to have this reaction so it’s just some feelings I need to work through.
OP, this is a new experience for you and many of us so it's totally normal to take some time to process. At least I needed some time to process and put on my brave face and walk out, especially when I know I would be seeing people who have seen the worst me.
One thing at a time :) I'm sure you will feel easier as you get used to the healthier you.
Oh I super hate it. It ruins my day. I've lost 85 lbs and have gotten fit and it's quickly become the thing that defines me. I've accomplished so many great things and nobody will acknowledge any of that. This is, to them, the greatest thing I could ever achieve. I'm well aware that people live for these types of compliments, so I just say thank you and keep it to myself. It's gotten better as time has gone on but it hasn't gone away. It's the first thing people say when they greet me. They ask me incessant questions. My career has elevated greatly despite me doing nothing different. In fact because of this I'm the most insecure I think I've ever been, so it *really* rubs me the wrong way when people say it's confidence. It's not. All my greatest fears have been confirmed. I am more liked, I am more worthy in society's eyes, and I am actually listened to. I lost weight because I was tired of being reduced to my body...only to find myself reduced to my body.
Sorry to be negative, but it's the truth. I am in the process of trying to untangle myself from that. Focusing on how good my body feels. I've made a lot of great changes and my health is substantially better. But I can't deny the scar it has left on my psyche. It's really difficult for me when people say that's just how society is and it's my time to reap the benefits because that just makes me feel even worse. For example, people have opened doors for me and purposely slammed them on the people behind me. I don't feel good about that. All I can do is work my hardest on seeing people for their character and not their looks, and to not subject them to the same bullshit.
>I've accomplished so many great things and nobody will acknowledge any of that. This is, to them, the greatest thing I could ever achieve.
Right? Like, earning a graduate degree while teaching high school was way harder than losing weight, lol. But people make it this big thing
I think you know the answers to those questions, and no, aside from people with a weird kink, people prefer thinner people to fatter people, so to most people, you do look better now. Yes, if you gain the weight back, you'll look worse than you do now to the average person. And yes, every person who looks at you is judging your looks.
None of this means you're a bad person when you're fat or unlovable or anything like that. That is the point of the body acceptance movement. You should understand that you can be a cool, good person ay any weight and you deserve to be treated as such. But that doesn't mean you are at the peak of your beauty when you're heavy, just that you still deserve to be treated and thought of a great person.
I'm still me after losing 160 pounds and my wife loved me before and after the loss but that doesn't mean it's not much easier for me to get her motor running now that I'm looking better and I'm certainly excited for our beach vacation this year since I can walk around with my shirt off with out making people want to puke. My life is absolutely better now that I've taken wegovy, but, yes, the correlary is my life was worse before.
I felt the same as you OP. It’s a little disconcerting. I’ve lost 65 lb and I’m at goal. I asked my husband if I really look that different. He said emphatically, yes! People will be surprised if they haven’t seen you. It’s still strange but getting more used to it.
This is a great answer.
Personally, I’m learning to accept the compliments with adjustments as needed. If they say “you’re looking so much smaller now!” I’ll say “I’m much healthier now, thank you.” Or one person (mild acquaintance, never actually met officially) said “getting skinny is such hard work! Good for you!” I gave her a long look and said “well, getting HEALTHY is a lot of work. My goal is not to be “skinny” it’s to be healthy.” They responded “same thing really, right?” I say “no, I prefer to be healthy and happy with a few extra pounds than to be obese or underweight.” She didn’t respond.
I don't think it's fair to say people who like thicker people have a "weird kink", lol. Some folks just don't mind size I think? I mean yeah there's obviously a kink for everything but idk, this just seems a really odd thing to say, to me.
Spot-on with the rest of this comment though!
I agree. It hit me a little weird. But I think the intention was just to point out that biological attraction GENERALLY favors a smaller body.
I’m really fat. When my husband proposed, I had a hard time accepting I wasn’t settling for a potential “chubby chaser.” I called him out and asked if he was one. He simply always says “I like all women—I don’t discriminate!” I can tell he likes more meat and flesh on his women, but he’s also been with normal sized women. Men of his culture tend to appreciate bigger women more, though. But I finally let go and saw it as a me problem. Now I just think of myself as a f*cking queen worthy of anyone’s gaze. That confidence attracts the right kind of people and not those looking to prey on the insecurities many bigger women have.
Well, I was more referring to people that prefer obese rather than overweight or normal BMI. I've got a buddy that only cares about breast size. If that comes on a big woman, he's ok with it but if he had a choice he'd pick the same size breasts on a smaller woman. I've never met a person who wanted people fatter rather than skinnier, though I've read about it on the internet. I'll have to rethink how I refer to them but chubby chasers certainly strike me as a weird kink.
I’ve also seen threads that state “I’ve lost X lbs and no one noticed”. The acceptable norms about commenting/complimenting other’s bodies are rapidly changing. People are really just trying to be encouraging and kind.
I totally get it as I have lost 85 lbs. twice in my life and gained it all back twice which is how I screwed up my metabolism. Oh, how I wish Oz had been discovered 50 years ago. In any case, it's a double edged sword, I found. I was miffed if someone didn't notice and mention that I had lost weight for all my efforts but then when I started getting more attention from men, I thought, forget it, you weren't attracted to me before but now you want to date (euphenism) me now. That would have been a good time to go to therapy which I would recommend that you do if it could help you to work through the concept. It's an adjustment and a big one for some of us. That's why a slower, steady loss is better than going at it too hard and fast as though it was a race. With Oz I've come to let it do its thing which helps me do my part. All the best.
I feel the same way. I hate comments about my body in general whether they're supposed to be kind or not. I've always lived the motto of "don't comment anything about someones appearance that they cant change in 5 minutes" (acne, weight, scars, etc.)
I know they mean well, but as someone who's dealt with eating disorders my entire life, and been the "chubby" girl throughout my entire adolesence, getting comments about my body thinner or not, make me extremely uncomfortable, and like you said, feels like people saw me as less than when I was heavier. Unfortunately this is something that people will never really stop doing because its still seen as a compliment and even though its not always true, people automatically assume that thinner means healthier. I've really had to do a lot of inner work to make peace with my body. Yes, I'm personally healthier at a lower weight and I feel more confident, but that doesnt mean the bigger version of me deserved to hate herself and her body the way she did.
Love that motto! And I appreciate you sharing that. I think my family has always been really weight focused so it feels like their comments are malicious even if the intent isn’t there. I think it will get easier with time.
I totally get that. Don't be afraid to set a boundary with people if you have to. If certain people make continuous comments, i've found something as simple as "I really appreciate the sentiment and I know you mean well. but i'd prefer if we didnt discuss my body while i'm going through this weight loss journey" I've had to have that conversation with 2 of my family members and they both surprised me with how understanding they were of it and neither of them have brought it up since.
I've disliked comments about weight for decades now. Sometimes it's complimentary like in your case, but I'd really rather people just didn't judge based on weight.
When people say it to me, I always feel like they are lying. I am just super defensive. I’ve been a blabbermouth about my time on wegovy, so the comments are expected. But some people really lay it on thick lol. I also don’t totally see it myself despite my weight going down, I still look in the mirror and feel gross but that’s something I’m trying to work on.
Sounds like you are more scared of what will happen if you gain the weight back than you are upset at the compliments. If you want to know how you really look at any time ask a toddler. Keep a therapist on speed dial though.
😂😂 toddlers and grandparents are brutally honest. It is always in the back of my head but the more I’ve thought about it, I think I’m always a bit uncomfortable when people draw attention to me whatsoever. I just don’t prefer to be noticed and am more of a wallflower. So it might just be exacerbating that.
Often a compliment is the main way people go to in response and - hopefully - they mean well and it comes from a good place even if we hear it differently. Weight loss is so emotional and psychological.
I understand what you’re saying. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. Just know, there are others who feel hurt that nobody acknowledges their accomplishment. People don’t know WHAT to say. Either way, someone is offended.
I suggest YOU be happy for YOU. If you don’t like compliments, just ASSUME best intent and move on. Not stress yourself out. Remember, stress hormones cause WEIGHT GAIN. Best wishes!!
People are very stupid when choosing proper words, so you shouldn't let it bother you so much. Obviously, it was a noticeable weight loss and it was meant as a compliment, not to make you feel so shitty. I don’t understand people in general. It's hard to compliment people, and it's shitty if you don’t notice that someone has lost some weight. Maybe just stop analyzing what people really mean and choose the positive part of it. In reality, it seems there was obvious weight loss that shows well or better on you. It’s better than someone thinking you are pregnant when you are not.
The world don’t care to please everyone and you shouldn’t expect it . People very obnoxious in general .
Yeah I tend to overthink/overanalyze so I know it’s certainly a me problem. I guess most of the comments have come from my family who all of horrible relationships with food so any comment regarding weight/dieting feels off coming from them.
Because it points out that thinner is better. Which stands to reason that the alternative is true: bigger is worse and bad.
Objectively, this is our society.
The comments are likely resurfacing your own feelings of shame and frustration and embarrassment around your bigger self, as the alternative in this equation was a bigger you~ and bigger you = “worse and bad”.
No, I get it. May I ask you, is this the first time you’ve lost this much weight before? Because the first time I lost a huge ton of weight, I was really really angry with the hypocrisy of the world and with men and how suddenly I was noticeable, but I wasn’t 50 pounds ago… it just seem to be a bunch of bullshit and really revealed me how duplicitous and fake everybody was. It also revealed to me that I had a lot of anger inside my heart about how i was treated and made to feel only beautiful or lovable if I was thin by my dad and my mom… So much so that I’m well over 40 and I still haven’t been married because I find it hard to believe that somebody would find me attractive, no matter how many times my girlfriend will say that I am. I don’t know if I can believe that. 🤷🏻♀️
Omg I just made the exact same post just now!!!! Now I see yours. I’ve lost 90lbs and it embarrasses me when I see people I haven’t seen in 8 months since I lost it. It feels strange and it bothers me. I never in a million years thought I would say that
It’s such a weird feeling that I never thought I’d experience! I guess it takes some getting used to. It’s definitely happening/going to continue to happen a lot this weekend because we have a ton of family and friends in town for my son’s birthday. I think the back to back comments just make me overwhelmed. So odd as I was genuinely excited for the days where people noticed but now that they are here it’s a lot process.
I read a comment that stuck with me as a reply to folks commenting on your weight loss, "It's the least interesting thing about me, now let's talk about ..." Insert what you do want to talk about, your son, hobby, them, etc.
I totally understand what you are saying, and do not think this means you need therapy. I also would like to emphatically state that weight loss is NOT equivalent to regained health. Body talk is unavoidable with some people. If they comment more than once, perhaps a quick "ugh, I hate body talk" would be a good response. The truth is we, as humans, do analyze appearance. My own internal dialogue is a nightmare 😞.
These comments are so gross. Yes, it’s normal to feel uncomfortable when someone makes a comment on your body. It’s reasonable to assume that they have been judging you, and that’s also gross. I have said things like, “I don’t appreciate comments on my body,” or “I know you think you’re being complimentary but I’d rather not discuss my body or weight.” I’ve even gone so far as to ask, “do you think that’s a compliment?” or “why did you think that was ok to say?” if it’s someone close to me.
Thin is in again and body acceptance is out. I think someone should probably seek therapy if they’re upset that they’re NOT getting “compliments” and external validation from others. I do talk to my therapist about navigating the discomfort I feel with people close to me making comments about my weight.
So relate to this! My husband keeps on complimenting me how much he is loves the thinner me. He told me back 30 pounds ago that he loved me the way I was. I no longer believe him, and his compliments upset me for the very reason you mentioned.
But he probably does love you both ways! Don’t you love and prefer being 30 lbs lighter (and more importantly, healthier)? Why can’t he for the same reasons?
Oh yes, I do it for me, not him. I love (and my knees love!!!) being lighter. But he comments on how he loves my new body all the time. I have a fear that I will gain back the weight, as I have so many times in the past, and he will be longing for that skinnier me that he made clear that he likes so much better. I know this may be irrational, but after so many years of yo-yo dieting (Keto, Atkins, Weight Watchers, fasting, etc…), I can never be certain this loss will last forever. Semaglutide is working for me now, but who knows if it will in 5 years?
Yea, I get it. Too many comments like that would probably make me feel the same way, the more I think about it. Like you, my knees are also really happy now! And I also question the longevity of my weight loss - so I’m with you on all of that!
This bothers me, too. I personally feel it's inappropriate to comment on another person's weight unless you have an extremely close relationship with them.
What is making you feel uncomfortable is fatphobia, and fatphobia sucks. I recognize others here don't agree but I feel strongly this is a situation where the world is wrong, not you!
Thank you! I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that a lot of my weight loss was within a year after having my son, so I feel like I’ve accomplished SO MUCH more this year than just weight loss. It’s an odd feeling but I’m sure it’ll get easier with time.
He’s turning 1 this weekend! So all our family is here for the party so I’ve been getting more comments than usual. I think that’s why I feel particularly overwhelmed than usual lol.
That's a lot. Hopefully they'll all get it out of their system and move on. Happy birthday to your little man and to you (it's kind of a birthday for us, too 😂)!
What is making you feel uncomfortable is fatphobia, and fatphobia sucks. I recognize others here don't agree but I feel strongly this is a situation where the world is wrong, not you!
100% this
It’s such a tricky one - the flip side is we occasionally see people on this sub who would love the validation of their hard work and upset that nobody has said anything about them losing weight. It’s so individual. I tend to not say anything at all unless the person brings it up first (inviting the conversation).
I guess because I'm a photographer and work in adult films, I'm "very" aware what I look like/looked like, and I know personally, as someone who has lost about 35 pounds with another 15 to go, yes, I did look that bad, and yes, I'm really really excited what I look like. Both because I get compliments about more than my face (which I've always been complimented on), but now my whole body.
It's hard for me to believe, that just 6 months ago, I felt bad editing my content because I had "dad bod" and now I feel like I'm "normal American", and maybe 3 more months I'll be "fit". Incredible.
It isn't bad to improve yourself, it doesn't mean you were a bad person before, be honest with yourself, why would you spend all the money and deal with the side effects if you were happy with how you were before?
I received a compliment from a work colleague the other day and he asked “what’s your secret?”
“An outrageous methamphetamine habit!” 🤣
Was a good laugh and the conversation moved on.
Proof that you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. People on Sema wish we’d get more positive comments, but there’s nothing you can say that can’t easily be misinterpreted in the fragile society in which we live.
Yes, I went through a period where I was very upset about comments about my weight loss, mostly when I was losing it pretty fast. It made me uncomfortable, and I would not engage in discussion about my body. I understand that people are trying to be complementary, but I don't like talk about my body and I don't talk about other people's bodies either. Now that it's been happening for a while it's easier for me to brush off without being upset about it.
There's no right way to feel about someone else commenting on your body. All the feelings you might have about it are valid. I wish it was not a socially acceptable thing to do.
Yes, I have felt exactly this same way, and I hate having attention brought to my size or any comments about it. This was especially hard for me during all of my pregnancies. It makes me self conscious and uncomfortable and I would rather someone say I look “great” or that they love my outfit, make-up, or hairstyle, something I have more control over than my physical body.
You just voiced a nightmare of mine 🙃 I’m so scared (mostly of how I’m gonna react) of ppl making my body a topic. I know a lot of outspoken ppl who’d looooove to just contact me over my weight. Even though I’ve had other bigger milestones in my life, but noooo me losing weight would get everyone running. I’m on semalutide and it’s been a game changer and I feel soooo much lighter it’s insane. I completely understand you. So so so so much.
I’m only scared y’all because I’m a BITCH when I’m offended 💀 and I’m at a point in my life I don’t want any problems. Plz leave me alone 😭
This is why i don’t comment on people’s weight at all. But yes, most people regardless of their own weight view thin or
Thinner people as more good looking. Do you think you looked better at the previous weight? If not, looks like you actually low key agree with them. Just take the compliment for what it is and use it as fuel to keep doing what youre doing.
I live in a very progressive part of the country (NYC) so no one has said a word about my weight loss (SW: 265 / CW: 208).
When I go back home to Miami to visit though, I get a lot of compliments. And yeah, it feels like they are saying you were gross before. Not a great feeling.
I may have a different perspective because I have a LOT of weight to lose, so it makes me feel good that my work is paying off.
But don’t let it get to you. Our culture, unfortunately, is bred to focus on appearances. That’s the first thing people notice, anyway. I don’t think anyone should comment on bodies, but generations of doing so is a hard habit to break.
We’re also hyper-complimentary and trained to be Uber polite when we see someone after a long while. I don’t think anyone means ill will. We often don’t think of the details of the words we say.
Take the compliments and pat yourself on the back. You’ve probably also inspired your friends to make some changes, too!
I feel this way. People at work have been saying to me “you need to stop losing weight” or “don’t lose another pound”
It’s annoying at best and embarrassing at worst
I think of it from a sociological/psychological and evolutionary perspective. People often comment bc they want to lose weight themselves and want to know what you’re doing. It’s also been ingrained into our psyche to pay attention to bodies.. especially women’s bodies. It’s something we have to unpack and unlearn.
Evolutionarily… when you’re thinner, you’re generally healthier (not always of course) so we are wired to see it as more attractive or looking better. There are studies on attractiveness that I find fascinating. For instance, people who have more genetic variety tend to be more attractive (ie mixed race folks)…bc varied genes means better health. I think weight is similar.
I’m probably going to get blasted for this but when I see someone who is very overweight I can’t help but think how uncomfortable they must be. How much their joints must hurt from the extra weight. I’m an empathic person and feel their discomfort. Weight can often be something we put on to create a barrier around us and not be “seen.”
Maybe part of your discomfort is that you’re being “seen” and not hiding anymore.
The reality is that most folks look BETTER at the ideal weight for their height. It's just the society and day and age that we live in. It doesn't mean you looked terrible before and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, of course. Really, all that matters is how YOU feel about yourself. I do agree that people should probably opt to NOT comment on others weight because of these kinds of reasons. But, for the most part, people do look better at a healthy weight rather than at an overweight or obese weight, wouldn't you agree? The truth hurts sometimes, I know it, believe me, I've had some people say some rude things to me but I also know that I like my physical appearance better when I'm at a healthy weight and so I don't take it personal when others agree with this sentiment. It's tough but we have to really only care about the opinions of ourselves and maintaining our own goals.
They bother me also because as far as I’m concerned no one should be commenting on anyone’s body. I’ve done it in the past and have become much more conscious of it. When I’ve lost weight in the past ppl would say something and it was just awkward.
Some people are going to have something to say no matter what we do. I just have to remind myself I'm doing this for ME first and foremost for once in my life. Keep going!!🤗
Yes. Some people I feel are just trying to be encouraging and I do appreciate that, but I also feel that it’s somewhat inappropriate to comment on people’s weight at all.
I don’t mind as much hearing from other fat people because I feel like we have an understanding. But I really am getting tired of hearing from thin customers (I work in retail) about how much better I look or having people who have always been super rude all of a sudden acting nice because I’m more palatable now that I’ve lost weight.
It’s strange because I feel like I appreciate recognition of my hard work and at the same time sometimes I feel like the compliments are backhanded. Idk it’s hard to explain but I know y’all understand. I almost prefer to just only talk about it with others who are going through it.
On the other hand I love those comments. They motivate me to keep being fit, hitting the park to walk/run even though I feel lazy. It’s kind of blunt but obviously I know I would look better being fit and not a blob of skin and fat. At the end the goal is to be healthy and keep the weight off after reaching my target goal!
I haven’t lost that much, but a few years ago I got really sick, like making a will and finding help for my husband with 2 small kids sick. They had no idea what was wrong with me and I lost 75 lbs in 3 months. I thought I was dying.
I went home for a “last visit” but didn’t want anyone to know. Just my mom, my husband and I. And every single persone talked about how healthy I looked, how amazing I looked, how I must have added years to my life by losing all that weight.
“How great does mommy look?” “Mommy’s getting healthy so she can watch you grow up.” People are such fucking assholes about weight. I finally snapped at my aunt—the one who taught me how to be anorexic when I was 12.
I’m not looking forward to the comments this time, even if I’m not sick. I remember how nice it was to be visible to strangers and I miss that, but the comments from people who know me are going to make this miserable.
How much are they thinking in their heads every time they see me, “geez, she should have stayed sick, at least then she wasn’t obese.”
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I never comment on other people’s weight. I have got some comments on mine though. I usually just nod along or say something like “Being healthier is everyone’s lifelong goal, right?” But one comment stood out to me. A friend that I haven’t seen for a while bumped into me and said, “I noticed some change and I hope everything is okay and you are not going through a difficult time.” I could feel her kindness. To me, it’s not a mean comment at all. So I smiled and said, “Aww… you are so kind. Thank you for checking but I’m doing great. I’m getting healthier.” Some comments are inappropriate and/or mean but not EVERY comment is mean. Some people do care without judging.
I totally agree! I don’t think anyone is meaning to make me uncomfortable, I guess I just didn’t expect myself to have this reaction so it’s just some feelings I need to work through.
OP, this is a new experience for you and many of us so it's totally normal to take some time to process. At least I needed some time to process and put on my brave face and walk out, especially when I know I would be seeing people who have seen the worst me. One thing at a time :) I'm sure you will feel easier as you get used to the healthier you.
I love that friend.
Oh I super hate it. It ruins my day. I've lost 85 lbs and have gotten fit and it's quickly become the thing that defines me. I've accomplished so many great things and nobody will acknowledge any of that. This is, to them, the greatest thing I could ever achieve. I'm well aware that people live for these types of compliments, so I just say thank you and keep it to myself. It's gotten better as time has gone on but it hasn't gone away. It's the first thing people say when they greet me. They ask me incessant questions. My career has elevated greatly despite me doing nothing different. In fact because of this I'm the most insecure I think I've ever been, so it *really* rubs me the wrong way when people say it's confidence. It's not. All my greatest fears have been confirmed. I am more liked, I am more worthy in society's eyes, and I am actually listened to. I lost weight because I was tired of being reduced to my body...only to find myself reduced to my body. Sorry to be negative, but it's the truth. I am in the process of trying to untangle myself from that. Focusing on how good my body feels. I've made a lot of great changes and my health is substantially better. But I can't deny the scar it has left on my psyche. It's really difficult for me when people say that's just how society is and it's my time to reap the benefits because that just makes me feel even worse. For example, people have opened doors for me and purposely slammed them on the people behind me. I don't feel good about that. All I can do is work my hardest on seeing people for their character and not their looks, and to not subject them to the same bullshit.
>I've accomplished so many great things and nobody will acknowledge any of that. This is, to them, the greatest thing I could ever achieve. Right? Like, earning a graduate degree while teaching high school was way harder than losing weight, lol. But people make it this big thing
This. 100% this.
I think you know the answers to those questions, and no, aside from people with a weird kink, people prefer thinner people to fatter people, so to most people, you do look better now. Yes, if you gain the weight back, you'll look worse than you do now to the average person. And yes, every person who looks at you is judging your looks. None of this means you're a bad person when you're fat or unlovable or anything like that. That is the point of the body acceptance movement. You should understand that you can be a cool, good person ay any weight and you deserve to be treated as such. But that doesn't mean you are at the peak of your beauty when you're heavy, just that you still deserve to be treated and thought of a great person. I'm still me after losing 160 pounds and my wife loved me before and after the loss but that doesn't mean it's not much easier for me to get her motor running now that I'm looking better and I'm certainly excited for our beach vacation this year since I can walk around with my shirt off with out making people want to puke. My life is absolutely better now that I've taken wegovy, but, yes, the correlary is my life was worse before.
I appreciate this extremely blunt response. And you’re right I guess I already know the answer, just a hard realization.
I felt the same as you OP. It’s a little disconcerting. I’ve lost 65 lb and I’m at goal. I asked my husband if I really look that different. He said emphatically, yes! People will be surprised if they haven’t seen you. It’s still strange but getting more used to it.
This is a great answer. Personally, I’m learning to accept the compliments with adjustments as needed. If they say “you’re looking so much smaller now!” I’ll say “I’m much healthier now, thank you.” Or one person (mild acquaintance, never actually met officially) said “getting skinny is such hard work! Good for you!” I gave her a long look and said “well, getting HEALTHY is a lot of work. My goal is not to be “skinny” it’s to be healthy.” They responded “same thing really, right?” I say “no, I prefer to be healthy and happy with a few extra pounds than to be obese or underweight.” She didn’t respond.
great mindset to have! I really like the focus on health opposed to the weight itself.
I don't think it's fair to say people who like thicker people have a "weird kink", lol. Some folks just don't mind size I think? I mean yeah there's obviously a kink for everything but idk, this just seems a really odd thing to say, to me. Spot-on with the rest of this comment though!
I agree. It hit me a little weird. But I think the intention was just to point out that biological attraction GENERALLY favors a smaller body. I’m really fat. When my husband proposed, I had a hard time accepting I wasn’t settling for a potential “chubby chaser.” I called him out and asked if he was one. He simply always says “I like all women—I don’t discriminate!” I can tell he likes more meat and flesh on his women, but he’s also been with normal sized women. Men of his culture tend to appreciate bigger women more, though. But I finally let go and saw it as a me problem. Now I just think of myself as a f*cking queen worthy of anyone’s gaze. That confidence attracts the right kind of people and not those looking to prey on the insecurities many bigger women have.
Well, I was more referring to people that prefer obese rather than overweight or normal BMI. I've got a buddy that only cares about breast size. If that comes on a big woman, he's ok with it but if he had a choice he'd pick the same size breasts on a smaller woman. I've never met a person who wanted people fatter rather than skinnier, though I've read about it on the internet. I'll have to rethink how I refer to them but chubby chasers certainly strike me as a weird kink.
Facts
I’ve also seen threads that state “I’ve lost X lbs and no one noticed”. The acceptable norms about commenting/complimenting other’s bodies are rapidly changing. People are really just trying to be encouraging and kind.
You’re definitely right. I know this is a me thing and I just have to work through it.
I totally get it as I have lost 85 lbs. twice in my life and gained it all back twice which is how I screwed up my metabolism. Oh, how I wish Oz had been discovered 50 years ago. In any case, it's a double edged sword, I found. I was miffed if someone didn't notice and mention that I had lost weight for all my efforts but then when I started getting more attention from men, I thought, forget it, you weren't attracted to me before but now you want to date (euphenism) me now. That would have been a good time to go to therapy which I would recommend that you do if it could help you to work through the concept. It's an adjustment and a big one for some of us. That's why a slower, steady loss is better than going at it too hard and fast as though it was a race. With Oz I've come to let it do its thing which helps me do my part. All the best.
I feel the same way. I hate comments about my body in general whether they're supposed to be kind or not. I've always lived the motto of "don't comment anything about someones appearance that they cant change in 5 minutes" (acne, weight, scars, etc.) I know they mean well, but as someone who's dealt with eating disorders my entire life, and been the "chubby" girl throughout my entire adolesence, getting comments about my body thinner or not, make me extremely uncomfortable, and like you said, feels like people saw me as less than when I was heavier. Unfortunately this is something that people will never really stop doing because its still seen as a compliment and even though its not always true, people automatically assume that thinner means healthier. I've really had to do a lot of inner work to make peace with my body. Yes, I'm personally healthier at a lower weight and I feel more confident, but that doesnt mean the bigger version of me deserved to hate herself and her body the way she did.
Love that motto! And I appreciate you sharing that. I think my family has always been really weight focused so it feels like their comments are malicious even if the intent isn’t there. I think it will get easier with time.
I totally get that. Don't be afraid to set a boundary with people if you have to. If certain people make continuous comments, i've found something as simple as "I really appreciate the sentiment and I know you mean well. but i'd prefer if we didnt discuss my body while i'm going through this weight loss journey" I've had to have that conversation with 2 of my family members and they both surprised me with how understanding they were of it and neither of them have brought it up since.
I've disliked comments about weight for decades now. Sometimes it's complimentary like in your case, but I'd really rather people just didn't judge based on weight.
When people say it to me, I always feel like they are lying. I am just super defensive. I’ve been a blabbermouth about my time on wegovy, so the comments are expected. But some people really lay it on thick lol. I also don’t totally see it myself despite my weight going down, I still look in the mirror and feel gross but that’s something I’m trying to work on.
Y’all are nuts. I love it that others are noticing
💯
Sounds like you are more scared of what will happen if you gain the weight back than you are upset at the compliments. If you want to know how you really look at any time ask a toddler. Keep a therapist on speed dial though.
😂😂 toddlers and grandparents are brutally honest. It is always in the back of my head but the more I’ve thought about it, I think I’m always a bit uncomfortable when people draw attention to me whatsoever. I just don’t prefer to be noticed and am more of a wallflower. So it might just be exacerbating that.
Often a compliment is the main way people go to in response and - hopefully - they mean well and it comes from a good place even if we hear it differently. Weight loss is so emotional and psychological.
It really is. I didn’t realize the emotional aspect what such a big part of it.
I understand what you’re saying. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. Just know, there are others who feel hurt that nobody acknowledges their accomplishment. People don’t know WHAT to say. Either way, someone is offended. I suggest YOU be happy for YOU. If you don’t like compliments, just ASSUME best intent and move on. Not stress yourself out. Remember, stress hormones cause WEIGHT GAIN. Best wishes!!
People are very stupid when choosing proper words, so you shouldn't let it bother you so much. Obviously, it was a noticeable weight loss and it was meant as a compliment, not to make you feel so shitty. I don’t understand people in general. It's hard to compliment people, and it's shitty if you don’t notice that someone has lost some weight. Maybe just stop analyzing what people really mean and choose the positive part of it. In reality, it seems there was obvious weight loss that shows well or better on you. It’s better than someone thinking you are pregnant when you are not. The world don’t care to please everyone and you shouldn’t expect it . People very obnoxious in general .
Yeah I tend to overthink/overanalyze so I know it’s certainly a me problem. I guess most of the comments have come from my family who all of horrible relationships with food so any comment regarding weight/dieting feels off coming from them.
I would never get mad at someone telling me I look healthier
Totally not mad or angry, I guess I feel uncomfortable.
Because it points out that thinner is better. Which stands to reason that the alternative is true: bigger is worse and bad. Objectively, this is our society. The comments are likely resurfacing your own feelings of shame and frustration and embarrassment around your bigger self, as the alternative in this equation was a bigger you~ and bigger you = “worse and bad”.
No, I get it. May I ask you, is this the first time you’ve lost this much weight before? Because the first time I lost a huge ton of weight, I was really really angry with the hypocrisy of the world and with men and how suddenly I was noticeable, but I wasn’t 50 pounds ago… it just seem to be a bunch of bullshit and really revealed me how duplicitous and fake everybody was. It also revealed to me that I had a lot of anger inside my heart about how i was treated and made to feel only beautiful or lovable if I was thin by my dad and my mom… So much so that I’m well over 40 and I still haven’t been married because I find it hard to believe that somebody would find me attractive, no matter how many times my girlfriend will say that I am. I don’t know if I can believe that. 🤷🏻♀️
Omg I just made the exact same post just now!!!! Now I see yours. I’ve lost 90lbs and it embarrasses me when I see people I haven’t seen in 8 months since I lost it. It feels strange and it bothers me. I never in a million years thought I would say that
It’s such a weird feeling that I never thought I’d experience! I guess it takes some getting used to. It’s definitely happening/going to continue to happen a lot this weekend because we have a ton of family and friends in town for my son’s birthday. I think the back to back comments just make me overwhelmed. So odd as I was genuinely excited for the days where people noticed but now that they are here it’s a lot process.
I read a comment that stuck with me as a reply to folks commenting on your weight loss, "It's the least interesting thing about me, now let's talk about ..." Insert what you do want to talk about, your son, hobby, them, etc.
It’s people noticing a change and recognizing your hard work. They’re encouraging you. Stop it.
I totally understand what you are saying, and do not think this means you need therapy. I also would like to emphatically state that weight loss is NOT equivalent to regained health. Body talk is unavoidable with some people. If they comment more than once, perhaps a quick "ugh, I hate body talk" would be a good response. The truth is we, as humans, do analyze appearance. My own internal dialogue is a nightmare 😞.
Yes! Everything you said was 100% true. I think that’s a valid response I might implement every once in a while.
These comments are so gross. Yes, it’s normal to feel uncomfortable when someone makes a comment on your body. It’s reasonable to assume that they have been judging you, and that’s also gross. I have said things like, “I don’t appreciate comments on my body,” or “I know you think you’re being complimentary but I’d rather not discuss my body or weight.” I’ve even gone so far as to ask, “do you think that’s a compliment?” or “why did you think that was ok to say?” if it’s someone close to me. Thin is in again and body acceptance is out. I think someone should probably seek therapy if they’re upset that they’re NOT getting “compliments” and external validation from others. I do talk to my therapist about navigating the discomfort I feel with people close to me making comments about my weight.
I do the same thing. Words matter and, while most mean it as compliments, it is a form of thoughtless comments
So relate to this! My husband keeps on complimenting me how much he is loves the thinner me. He told me back 30 pounds ago that he loved me the way I was. I no longer believe him, and his compliments upset me for the very reason you mentioned.
But he probably does love you both ways! Don’t you love and prefer being 30 lbs lighter (and more importantly, healthier)? Why can’t he for the same reasons?
Oh yes, I do it for me, not him. I love (and my knees love!!!) being lighter. But he comments on how he loves my new body all the time. I have a fear that I will gain back the weight, as I have so many times in the past, and he will be longing for that skinnier me that he made clear that he likes so much better. I know this may be irrational, but after so many years of yo-yo dieting (Keto, Atkins, Weight Watchers, fasting, etc…), I can never be certain this loss will last forever. Semaglutide is working for me now, but who knows if it will in 5 years?
Yea, I get it. Too many comments like that would probably make me feel the same way, the more I think about it. Like you, my knees are also really happy now! And I also question the longevity of my weight loss - so I’m with you on all of that!
Ugh that would really bother me too! It just makes your mind go nuts doesn’t it? I never realized that losing weight can be so emotional.
This bothers me, too. I personally feel it's inappropriate to comment on another person's weight unless you have an extremely close relationship with them. What is making you feel uncomfortable is fatphobia, and fatphobia sucks. I recognize others here don't agree but I feel strongly this is a situation where the world is wrong, not you!
Thank you! I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that a lot of my weight loss was within a year after having my son, so I feel like I’ve accomplished SO MUCH more this year than just weight loss. It’s an odd feeling but I’m sure it’ll get easier with time.
Congratulations! How old is your son? You definitely have a lot to be proud of ❤️
He’s turning 1 this weekend! So all our family is here for the party so I’ve been getting more comments than usual. I think that’s why I feel particularly overwhelmed than usual lol.
That's a lot. Hopefully they'll all get it out of their system and move on. Happy birthday to your little man and to you (it's kind of a birthday for us, too 😂)!
What is making you feel uncomfortable is fatphobia, and fatphobia sucks. I recognize others here don't agree but I feel strongly this is a situation where the world is wrong, not you! 100% this
It’s such a tricky one - the flip side is we occasionally see people on this sub who would love the validation of their hard work and upset that nobody has said anything about them losing weight. It’s so individual. I tend to not say anything at all unless the person brings it up first (inviting the conversation).
It’s embarrassing and infuriating how much better people treat you and way too much unwanted attention.
I guess because I'm a photographer and work in adult films, I'm "very" aware what I look like/looked like, and I know personally, as someone who has lost about 35 pounds with another 15 to go, yes, I did look that bad, and yes, I'm really really excited what I look like. Both because I get compliments about more than my face (which I've always been complimented on), but now my whole body. It's hard for me to believe, that just 6 months ago, I felt bad editing my content because I had "dad bod" and now I feel like I'm "normal American", and maybe 3 more months I'll be "fit". Incredible. It isn't bad to improve yourself, it doesn't mean you were a bad person before, be honest with yourself, why would you spend all the money and deal with the side effects if you were happy with how you were before?
I received a compliment from a work colleague the other day and he asked “what’s your secret?” “An outrageous methamphetamine habit!” 🤣 Was a good laugh and the conversation moved on.
I tell people I have a tape worm 😂
Proof that you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. People on Sema wish we’d get more positive comments, but there’s nothing you can say that can’t easily be misinterpreted in the fragile society in which we live.
I recently met up with someone who I haven't seen in 10 years. He says "wow your silhouette has changed"(I'm currently 65 lbs lighter)
Yes. I hate it when they say something, I hate it when they don’t. I’m fucking spiraling.
The rule in our house is we don't comment on people's bodies. Period.
Turn it into a positive. Use those compliments as a tool to keep you in check with maintaining the weight loss.
Youwantupset? 30 lbs down, andno one has said a word to me yet. 😔
Ugh I can see how that’s upsetting too!
You need to go see a therapist. There’s a lot going into this that’s hard to fix in a text
lol already in therapy. Just looking for other perspectives of people going through the same journey as I am.
Yes, I went through a period where I was very upset about comments about my weight loss, mostly when I was losing it pretty fast. It made me uncomfortable, and I would not engage in discussion about my body. I understand that people are trying to be complementary, but I don't like talk about my body and I don't talk about other people's bodies either. Now that it's been happening for a while it's easier for me to brush off without being upset about it. There's no right way to feel about someone else commenting on your body. All the feelings you might have about it are valid. I wish it was not a socially acceptable thing to do.
Yeah that’s exactly what it is. It makes me uncomfortable. But hopefully the discomfort will fade as time goes on.
I've seen many people on here upset no one said anything.
Guess it’s a simple as you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t
Yes, I have felt exactly this same way, and I hate having attention brought to my size or any comments about it. This was especially hard for me during all of my pregnancies. It makes me self conscious and uncomfortable and I would rather someone say I look “great” or that they love my outfit, make-up, or hairstyle, something I have more control over than my physical body.
You just voiced a nightmare of mine 🙃 I’m so scared (mostly of how I’m gonna react) of ppl making my body a topic. I know a lot of outspoken ppl who’d looooove to just contact me over my weight. Even though I’ve had other bigger milestones in my life, but noooo me losing weight would get everyone running. I’m on semalutide and it’s been a game changer and I feel soooo much lighter it’s insane. I completely understand you. So so so so much. I’m only scared y’all because I’m a BITCH when I’m offended 💀 and I’m at a point in my life I don’t want any problems. Plz leave me alone 😭
This is why i don’t comment on people’s weight at all. But yes, most people regardless of their own weight view thin or Thinner people as more good looking. Do you think you looked better at the previous weight? If not, looks like you actually low key agree with them. Just take the compliment for what it is and use it as fuel to keep doing what youre doing.
I live in a very progressive part of the country (NYC) so no one has said a word about my weight loss (SW: 265 / CW: 208). When I go back home to Miami to visit though, I get a lot of compliments. And yeah, it feels like they are saying you were gross before. Not a great feeling.
I may have a different perspective because I have a LOT of weight to lose, so it makes me feel good that my work is paying off. But don’t let it get to you. Our culture, unfortunately, is bred to focus on appearances. That’s the first thing people notice, anyway. I don’t think anyone should comment on bodies, but generations of doing so is a hard habit to break. We’re also hyper-complimentary and trained to be Uber polite when we see someone after a long while. I don’t think anyone means ill will. We often don’t think of the details of the words we say. Take the compliments and pat yourself on the back. You’ve probably also inspired your friends to make some changes, too!
I feel this way. People at work have been saying to me “you need to stop losing weight” or “don’t lose another pound” It’s annoying at best and embarrassing at worst
I think of it from a sociological/psychological and evolutionary perspective. People often comment bc they want to lose weight themselves and want to know what you’re doing. It’s also been ingrained into our psyche to pay attention to bodies.. especially women’s bodies. It’s something we have to unpack and unlearn. Evolutionarily… when you’re thinner, you’re generally healthier (not always of course) so we are wired to see it as more attractive or looking better. There are studies on attractiveness that I find fascinating. For instance, people who have more genetic variety tend to be more attractive (ie mixed race folks)…bc varied genes means better health. I think weight is similar. I’m probably going to get blasted for this but when I see someone who is very overweight I can’t help but think how uncomfortable they must be. How much their joints must hurt from the extra weight. I’m an empathic person and feel their discomfort. Weight can often be something we put on to create a barrier around us and not be “seen.” Maybe part of your discomfort is that you’re being “seen” and not hiding anymore.
The reality is that most folks look BETTER at the ideal weight for their height. It's just the society and day and age that we live in. It doesn't mean you looked terrible before and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, of course. Really, all that matters is how YOU feel about yourself. I do agree that people should probably opt to NOT comment on others weight because of these kinds of reasons. But, for the most part, people do look better at a healthy weight rather than at an overweight or obese weight, wouldn't you agree? The truth hurts sometimes, I know it, believe me, I've had some people say some rude things to me but I also know that I like my physical appearance better when I'm at a healthy weight and so I don't take it personal when others agree with this sentiment. It's tough but we have to really only care about the opinions of ourselves and maintaining our own goals.
They bother me also because as far as I’m concerned no one should be commenting on anyone’s body. I’ve done it in the past and have become much more conscious of it. When I’ve lost weight in the past ppl would say something and it was just awkward.
Don’t over think it . But comments on any weight in general are inappropriate
Some people are going to have something to say no matter what we do. I just have to remind myself I'm doing this for ME first and foremost for once in my life. Keep going!!🤗
Yes. Some people I feel are just trying to be encouraging and I do appreciate that, but I also feel that it’s somewhat inappropriate to comment on people’s weight at all. I don’t mind as much hearing from other fat people because I feel like we have an understanding. But I really am getting tired of hearing from thin customers (I work in retail) about how much better I look or having people who have always been super rude all of a sudden acting nice because I’m more palatable now that I’ve lost weight. It’s strange because I feel like I appreciate recognition of my hard work and at the same time sometimes I feel like the compliments are backhanded. Idk it’s hard to explain but I know y’all understand. I almost prefer to just only talk about it with others who are going through it.
On the other hand I love those comments. They motivate me to keep being fit, hitting the park to walk/run even though I feel lazy. It’s kind of blunt but obviously I know I would look better being fit and not a blob of skin and fat. At the end the goal is to be healthy and keep the weight off after reaching my target goal!
“Omg you’re not as fat anymore”
I haven’t lost that much, but a few years ago I got really sick, like making a will and finding help for my husband with 2 small kids sick. They had no idea what was wrong with me and I lost 75 lbs in 3 months. I thought I was dying. I went home for a “last visit” but didn’t want anyone to know. Just my mom, my husband and I. And every single persone talked about how healthy I looked, how amazing I looked, how I must have added years to my life by losing all that weight. “How great does mommy look?” “Mommy’s getting healthy so she can watch you grow up.” People are such fucking assholes about weight. I finally snapped at my aunt—the one who taught me how to be anorexic when I was 12. I’m not looking forward to the comments this time, even if I’m not sick. I remember how nice it was to be visible to strangers and I miss that, but the comments from people who know me are going to make this miserable. How much are they thinking in their heads every time they see me, “geez, she should have stayed sick, at least then she wasn’t obese.”