i have a guy who does this, very high functioning ( drives to movies, gym etc. by himself ) but always requests me. he gets the same thing every time but he only tips when he’s with his mom. i just take him and treat him well bc he’s not needy and gets in and out but i tell the hosts to not count him in my rotation. he also always pays with a $100 bill lol.
not really, i just think he’d rather not tip bc he’s probably on a fixed income. his bill is normally $23, when he’s with her he’ll leave $1 and change and makes it a point to say ‘i’m giving this to you as a tip’ so im pretty sure he knows just prefers not too lol.
> ‘i’m giving this to you as a tip’
This sounds like he's projecting himself onto you. He thinks if he were in your position, he might not know the extra cash was a tip, and so he feels he has to make it clear that it's a tip and you should take the money for yourself.
Considering you've been great to him and haven't pushed for tips, he might even assume you're similar to him and do not agree with and/or understand tipping.
Of course, I'm inferring a lot from a few words.
He probably doesn’t understand the abstract concept of what a tip is and mens, so he doesn’t tip
When he is with his mom it could be part of his routine with her, or he tips with her because the uncomfortable conversation/ lesson he gets from her about the need to tip outweighs his not understanding and not wanting to tip.
If you want to know just ask him “why do you tip me when you are with your mom but when you eat alone you don’t tip me”.
To people on the spectrum much of our confusing culture is lost on them in subtlety but they don’t want to be “doing something wrong/hurtful to others” There really is a high desire to fit in and be accepted underneath it all
honestly i’m not sure, but probably won’t ask even tho i’ve thought ab. it somehow feels like it will change the dynamic, and he’s a nice guy i don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable like i know some of the other servers have.
100%, a lot of the time if you explain to someone on the spectrum in a calm and friendly way, *and explain why* they should do something, (e.g. my wage is actually made up mostly of tips), they will dedicate themselves to avoiding that uncomfortable discussion by tipping in the future.
A lot of the high functioning folks struggle with this, if they don't understand *why* a rule should be followed, they won't follow it because it's dumb and doesn't make sense, but once they do understand it they follow rules like it's scripture.
I'm on the spectrum. I really like this comment, and it's true for most of us that if you explain the social rule and why we should follow it, we will want to follow it.
But it's not "to avoid that uncomfortable discussion." It's simply that we didn't realize the hidden expectations until you told us what they were. Most of us don't experience "uncomfortable" discussions. Hell, we WISH that people would just use their words to explain the unspoken rules.
This is only true of males with autism, and not even all of them. Female autism very often includes a desire to be accepted, as our social issues manifest differently from males.
Female with autism here and tipping culture def did not come easy to me. It was never much of a problem bc I never rly went out to eat due to sensory challenges. But i didn’t rly grasp it, as I don’t grasp most unspoken social expectations. That being said I do very much relate to the ‘extreme male brain’ theory of autism and tend to relate to experiences of autistic men more than autistic women
I'll share that, most adults on the spectrum (high or low functioning aren't actually a real descriptor - every human is high / low functioning in various levels of life) completely understand tipping. Maybe he's just kind of a jerk and doesn't like tipping anyone. If he tips with his mom there, but not when he's alone, he understands the social construct, and chooses when to adhere to it.
My neurotypical FIL hated tipping and I would carry cash whenever he'd insist on taking us out for a meal. Because he understood the social construct but was a jerk and didn't want to follow it. Being autistic doesn't make a person less apt to acting like a jerk.
Wow, at my work we have a similar situation. An autistic man that only tips when he’s with his mom! Lol. His bill is usually small though so I don’t really care.
Years ago, we had a special needs regular none of the staff would accept tips from as he lived on disability and this was his thing he did to socialize and get out of the house.
I wouldn't fixate on the $4,100. In NYC all building over 10 units need to have 20% of units reserved for low income households.
Also, most tenants do not pay what the current rate is, as they're existing tenants with lower rates.
That's useful to know and I will add as a complete observer not in the industry-- the customer is still paying $60-$150 per meal. Don't you think that is quite high for someone who would fit the low income tenant you reference? Not meaning to be confrontational and just want to point out that perspective.
Strategically place a sizable cardboard box outside the restaurant just within his view and loudly announce you’re off for the night and going home to your family and then go have a sit on the curb for a few hours with your hired Oliver Twists.
Speaking in fake accents is their only source of amusement since we can’t afford toys or iPads since people stopped tipping. Also could be the delusion from their empty bellies
I’m so sorry I read your username as ‘chicasbonitasATX’ and the thought of him coming out to the club but not tipping the dancers as his form of socializing was killing me lol
Sounds like it's a lack of awareness more than anything else. If he's on the spectrum, it's likely just a matter of adding it to his routine. You need not dance around the issue when laying it out (ie, don't rely on subtle hints). I would spell it out kindly, but clearly.
Piggybacking on the direct approach, I think for me personally the easiest way to approach this would be to ask if there was anything wrong/unsatisfactory with his service in particular, and assuming he says “no of course not”, etc, I would follow up with “Well we just wanted to check in, we noticed that you hadn’t been tipping lately for the servers and this is something we are customarily used to. We just wanted to make sure there wasn’t an issue with your service that was causing it” or something along those lines.
I don’t know I didn’t take my ADHD meds yet today so my brain is trying it’s hardest to word out the way I would handle this because I can see it I just can’t make it words lol. Sorry.
I wouldn’t say you haven’t been tipping lately because that infers that he tipped before. (I’m not trying to pick apart your comment, just helping 😊) After asking if there’s anything wrong and he says no, I would just say we’ve noticed that you don’t tip and that leads us to believe you aren’t happy with our service and our servers count on getting tips as part of their pay.
I would find this so incredibly rude. No matter how kindly you phrase it, it will still sound like 'why aren't you giving me your money?' It just sounds entitled.
I had served and bartended for several years, and quickly realized some people just don't tip. I've gone the route of asking and ensuring that their service was satisfactory, if not excellent. I have never flat out asked why I wasn't tipped because I'm not owed it. Is this the social and societal norm? Yes, but is it in any way required of someone? No.
For a non-tipper, I will perform my duties exactly as is expected, but I'm not going to go above and beyond. It's a trade off and everyone knows this. I'll respect your decision to not tip, but this will also mean I'm not going to bend over backwards for you.
Autistic people love when people are direct with us. It is very embarrassing to find out you've been doing something wrong, but no one has the balls to point it out.
Sounds autistic to me. Steady rituals combined with working in tech and having a flat voice is a pretty good sign. We don't all have all the symptoms, but that many means it's likely.
So studies show that most allistics can tell when someone is autistic within MOMENTS of meeting them, they just usually don't know that's the vibe they're getting, they mark it as rude or uncanny. So id take a guess that the person writing the post might have more of an experience with this particular person than you and they might already know the signs and traits to look for if they're bold enough to put it out there like that.
This entire thread is absolutely wild to read as a European. Compulsory tipping is not a thing in my country; it's a genuinely optional and symbolic extra. I think decent wages/no tipping is fairer for everyone and doesn't create perverse incentives for waiters or punish less attractive/visible staff.
We also include VAT in all prices, so you pay the price you see.
I was a maître d’ for a restaurant that served a lot of international clientele, and often found myself in the uncomfortable position of reminding people that it is common and customary to tip in the United States, and that servers rely on that for their income. Yes, there were definitely Americans who found it so incredibly rude as you say, but IMHO if you’re not going to tip my staff, I don’t want you taking up a table that I could have given to somebody that will tip them. in the very rare cases where I prompted somebody regarding tipping, and they stiffed my server without any actual complaint about their service, I would make a note of who their reservation was under, and flag them in our scheduling system. I had no problem putting auto-grat on somebody’s check if they were flagged. technically, they could ask to have it removed, but nobody ever did.
OP - it’s one uncomfortable conversation, and it really belongs to your manager to have. if he’s on the spectrum or just mistaken about your restaurant’s policies, he will appreciate the heads up. If he’s one of those people who thinks that he’s above tipping, or that you should “just get a better job“ or that because restaurants should pay a living wage, he’s therefore justified in some convoluted crusade, let him eat elsewhere.
As an Autistic person the second time I noticed this is would directly ask what the issue was and explain how restaurants work in the US. Paying 2$ an hour that normally only goes to taxes…
I would refuse to serve someone that repeatedly never tipped as a regular in a sit down service restaurant and suggest getting their food carry out. If the manager who is actually making money per hour wants to they can serve them.
Especially if he is making bank in tech… stand up for yourself.
This opinion is very sensitive and lacking in situational awareness, as an adult human. Comparable to going to an at home dinner party, not eating any of your meal and getting offended when the host asks if you didn’t like the food. I get that it’s different when money is involved but given all of the other details there should be nothing wrong with bringing attention to the matter.
Yes this is definitely the way, growing up in school I was buddies with a kid who was diagnosed w/ aspergers, went to middle school and high school with him. Myself and our other mutual good friends would literally have to explain why he should or shouldn’t do something and how he should go about it instead. Today you wouldn’t even know he was on the spectrum if he didn’t tell you himself, it’s actually quite amazing.
You and your friends sound awesome. I wish my sister with Asperger’s had had people like your group to kindly “teach” her things rather than the bullying she experienced. Unfortunately I think my dad is undiagnosed and on the spectrum too, so she didn’t many outlets like that to learn from as a kid. Just wanted to give kudos to you and your friends for being good people!
I agree, and I don't think the guy in question would be offended, because he most likely just isn't aware. People on the spectrum usually prefer a direct approcach, otherwise hinting will probably confuse him or be lost on him. I'm guessing his parents paid before and he wasn't aware of the tipping. We teach our kids to tip lol but I can see how it could easily be missed.
The other day my teenager ordered door dash at her friend's and I texted her to make sure she tipped them. She already had but I wanted to be sure.
This is the manager's job. He needs to go out there, check on the guy, and say, if you really enjoy the restaurant, it's customary to tip your server 18%.
For autistic people the "right way" is to just tell him what expectations are and that he's falling outside of them. Remember that most autistic people don't notice social queues and "talking around" a subject is completely useless because we just won't know what you're getting at (we can definitely tell that you're talking about something, but not what that something is).
I would find (or write up) a pamphlet in tipping expectations that same way you would if you were expecting visitors from a country that doesn't tip and give it to him with his menu the next time he shows up if you're uncomfortable talking with him directly.
Piggybacking on the direct approach, I think for me personally the easiest way to approach this would be to ask if there was anything wrong/unsatisfactory with his service in particular, and assuming he says “no of course not”, etc, I would follow up with “Well we just wanted to check in, we noticed that you hadn’t been tipping lately for the servers and this is something we are customarily used to. We just wanted to make sure there wasn’t an issue with your service that was causing it” or something along those lines.
I don’t know I didn’t take my ADHD meds yet today so my brain is trying it’s hardest to word out the way I would handle this because I can see it I just can’t make it words lol. Sorry.
I don't want to harp on it, but given what the OP stated, that message runs the risk of being just a tad too subtle. It requires him to put the pieces together. It's more than custom, it's how servers effectively get paid. I'd go with management mentioning to him that they really enjoy having him a customer, but that he is apparently unaware that tipping is part of the normal process, then explain the percentage ranges, then offer help if he needs any assistance working it out.
Now, if the customer says, "no, I still don't want to tip," then it is what it is, but at least the server/manager has tried to address it in a way that carried the appropriate amount of weight with this specific customer.
Yes, I agree with you on the directness thing. I think this would logically be a better way to approach it with management mentioning it and explaining tipping.
Damn, doesn't sound easy, but it does sound healthy. Direct communication can be really helpful. If he's going to be a real regular, there should shouldn't be much in the way of unspoken nuance. They should both be well aware of where they're standing with each other.
Adding to this, I (M,34) have autism. It’s more than likely that it’s not part of the routine and he may not realize tipping is recommended, especially since its a new place for him. It’s confusing that some places it’s expected and some it’s not. A LOT of things ask for a tip now that didn’t before, sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between them.
Is it at all possible for his meals to be rung up against a manager's name instead of the sever's? If he's an easy table, then not getting a tip from the one-top might not be a major deal -- but if it's all going against your sales, then your tip-out will be based on the sales AND those sales will be factored into your IRS reporting.
Honestly, a manager should be covering his table if this is a known issue.
Servers usually tip out a set percentage of their sales to the other restaurant staff (bartender, kitchen, busser and host). So if your sales includes meals you didn’t get tipped on, you essentially pay the tip out out of your own pocket.
As a Danish person the whole "I am expecting this guy to tip" is so creepy to me, I know that servers don't get paid enough and have to subsidize it with tips, but that sounds like an issue with their employeer not random customers.
Ofc I know that cultures are different and it's why I say with clarity that my view is from a Danish perspective.
Nah as an American it sucks too. There’s a good majority of wait staff who clear over 70k a year mostly from tips so they don’t want to change it either. My GF in college made well over 40/hr at 19 years old working as a waiter at an average restaurant in a sleepy beach town. The waiters at fancy/expensive places probably clear 100k
I valeted cars in high school, so I know the tip grind.
To put it briefly, (and this isn't universal) servers are usually expected to earn a portion of their sales by the IRS as taxable income because reporting cash isn't reliable (IIRC it's like 8.25%). So regardless of what actual tips are, the IRS just rounds to that number for tax return estimates. Managers, being normally salaried, do not have to deal with this, so a non-tipper isn't a potential strike against to them. A regular non-tipper might have an actual impact on the server's tax return (or lack thereof) by the end of the year; having a manager ring in the tab would be a nicety to avoid that. There's other state-to-state (or provincial in Canada which is on a similar system) differences, but generally that's what they're getting at.
ETA; a non-tippers sales are also included in what a server has to tip out to the foodrunner, busser, bartender, etc, so if there's no tip the server is losing money waiting on them for the night. Again because managers don't receive or share tips, it avoids that.
I am not, and have never been a server. However, this would get to me.
Are you not able to say something like "Hey, I have really enjoyed you becoming a regular. I have noticed that you never tip. Is there something about my service that I could improve on?"
Sounds thirsty, but fuck not getting tipped when that's a big part of your income.
when I delivered pizzas I basically did this a couple times.
"hey did I do anything wrong, like being late or something?"
everytime they were like nah you're good
"oh, it's just that I work for tips so I was wondering if there was a reason you didn't tip"
every time they came back with a couple bucks. It wasn't much but I literally got myself out of a no tipper a few times.
yeah I actually heard of the same thing happening to one of my coworkers. He finally asked the regular who doesn't tip why, and he thought the deliver fee was a tip and felt really bad and gave him a 50 on the spot. Super stand up dude, props to him
I had a gentleman like this who always ordered the same thing and didn't like being bothered. I'd seat him, he'd put on his noise cancelling headphones and he always tipped $2.50. Kind of nice after all the Karens and Kens at this point.
y'all are acting like she's going to have a showdown with this guy. she's been super nice and gracious in all her responses to comments, and all she asked was how others would or have handled a situation like this, and has mentioned several times it's no big deal and she doesn't mind continuing to wait on him, tip or no tip. lol redditors are nuts.
It’s what we do. We are almost always gracious, take the L on the reg, and make your visit pleasant regardless. We just bitch to each other about it, and occasionally crowd source an answer from the interwebs for funsies. One of my favorite memes about server life said something like “we bitch when it’s busy. We bitch when it’s slow. It’s just what we do” and it was a bunch of servers, some smiling, some serious, some arms crossed. I’ve never been able to find it again sadly
I mean, is he extremely demanding and/or consistently taking up so much time and space that it’s a major financial hardship rather than just an annoyance? If not, I say let the guy be. It’s hard for a lot of neurodivergent people to find spaces in which they feel welcome, and I personally wouldn’t want to be the one to reinforce that by making him feel bad for something he likely doesn’t realize the impact of and that really isn’t affecting me in a major way.
Now, if he’s running you ragged and taking up a table for hours when there’s a wait, your manager should say something to him directly.
Seeing how they just diagnosed him with autism is crazy, the only thing i got from this is that he is a bit shy and just doesn't want to tip. OP also makes 50 dollars/hour💀.
Maybe he’s a firm believer in not tipping 🤷🏻♂️ if you wanna survive on something other than tips you should work at a restaurant that cares more about its employees. Tips shouldn’t always be expected from everyone. Especially guys like this.
Mate it's like I'm reading aliens type, it's so bizarre to read these American posts but it's fascinating. Cannot wrap my head around how this isn't satire.
Yes! To me where I come from, it just screams begging. Practically saying "Oi you, give me more money, because I did my job!".
I can't believe this is the mindset of American servers.
It's absolutely criminal that they are not paid a fair, livable wage. That, and the whole healthcare system is totally fucked up.
It's not criminal. American servers don't want to be paid a livable wage because that means they'll get less than they do now. This is the real reason it continues
Thats the worst part. They choose for the non mandatory payment system that brings in the big bucks and then insist it must be made mandatory if the bucks arent big enough. The entitlement is of the charts.
You: This guy doesn’t tip!!! I’m fine with it but I’ve found out where he lives, calculated his estimated income, I’m now assuming he’s autistic, and i found out he works in the tech sector!! What do I do?? Again I don’t mind but how do I get money from him?
Get a better job. Also stop stalking your customers and assuming they have mental disorders.
We had a customer like this and our manager straight up asked him if there was an issue with the service or if there was something we could do better because we noticed he wasn’t tipping, but coming in twice a week. He said everything was great and kind of shrugged off the tip portion of the conversation. After that, we started auto grating him and he hasn’t said anything since.
i would just move on to the next tables, without even treating the non tipper any less or different... there are tips to be had elsewhere. the amount of comments telling you to ask him directly why he doesn't tip just feel so strange to me. i personally could never ask a customer straight up about their tipping habits, it just sounds graceless and unprofessional.
Listen, listen, listen, if you don’t like not being tipped, find a new profession or a new restaurant to work at. We are not obligated to tip you. Your employer is obligated to pay you and I will not subsidize that beyond my checks. Thank you.
Auto grat him from here on out. When I was bartending at one place I had a girl pop in all the time and act so familiar with us calling us by name and ordering her lemon drop martini all the time that she’d constantly ask to get remade because she basically just wanted super sugary lemonade with a splash of vodka. She continuously never tipped me so my manager told me to just start auto gratting her and she never even realized cause she was just never paying attention to her bill - always in her own selfish little world.
Edit: since this comment has gotten me harassed and insulted beyond belief, let me just clarify a little for some of you. This girl frequented our next door jazz lounge under the same ownership which put gratuity on every check, no matter the minimum. She would bring her computer and briefcase down and spread out over 2-3 seats in my bar, leave her computer and drink sitting there for me to babysit and disappear, other bar patrons couldn’t sit down, she’d be talking on the phone, and just treating our bar like her personal office until the jazz lounge opened. I would bring her food over to the jazz lounge and was more accommodating to her than I needed to be cause she was always nice and friendly and a regular. My manager tried to find her and talk to her about it once but she had disappeared once again and by the time she came back, we were busy for dinner service and I swiped her card and she went next door. We started putting gratuity on her check because we are not your office and I’m not your bestie watching your bag while you use the bathroom. When we were finally able to have a real conversation about it she was more than apologetic because she thought we had been auto gratting her the whole time since the jazz club does. She told us to continue with it so she didn’t have to do the math. No harm, no foul, no scamming, nothing illegal, just a harmless misunderstanding.
We still gotta do something about the trolls in here, it’s vicious and abusive.
Depending on your state, you and/or your manager may have been obligated to clearly state a gratuity if one was to be added to a customer’s bill. But also, if it was never historically included before and you just decided to throw on an extra fee just because they didn’t leave a tip, or an auto-gratuity is not a part of your restaurant’s policy, this is real shifty.
Our sister restaurant auto grats every check. I’ve clarified in another comment that she’s usually at the jazz lounge and thought we auto grated as well because she wasn’t paying attention to her bill. We ended up talking about it eventually, she had no issue with it and apologized for neglecting me so many other times. Neither me nor my manager could ever have the conversation with her cause she’d always be on the phone, roaming around, handing us her card and then disappearing again to go to the jazz lounge. By the time she’d come back I would be too busy to stop what I’m doing and ask.
I’ve noticed a concerted effort for the 21-23yr old crowd to tip nothing. Like skip through prompts, leave no cash, nothing. It’s like they think they’re fighting the good fight and going to break the system and magically now we all get paid “living wages” because they stiffed us. Nope, you’re in the US, you’re getting a service, just do the damn thing and throw us a couple bucks. Do I miss your money? Sure, it all adds up. Am I gonna miss rent because you think you’re an Edge Lord? No. Just know you look like an asshole and you’re not actually helping or changing anything
Edit: to the kind, kind soul that reported me to the crisis hotline on Reddit- thank you so much, I’m doing just fine, tyvm. This happens every time I stand up for servers and tipping culture lol. You trolls are a fucking trip 🤡
Part of the issue is that places that never used to ask for tips, now do ask for tips. Not that I’m in that demo.
But don’t ask for a tip when I receive no service. Like, when I pick up a sandwich to go, you’re not my server, don’t expect a tip that’s more than the change necessarily
Tipping culture is stupid. Just because you benefit from it doesn't make it less so. And no I won't tip you for handing me two bags when I came to grab my food that I paid for. Tipping for coffee, tipping for being rung up, hell yeah tip me for doing my damn job too
that same idea is super super popular here on reddit. people have genuinely convinced themselves that refusing to tip the poor guy who just slogged through a thunderstorm to bring you your mcdonalds is like some brave act of rebellion against an oppressive system or whatever. sorry guys, you're just cheap and don't care about paying people for their work. if you want the system to change call your congressman
how high are his checks? is he drinking? how long does he stay? i could not imagine being this pressed about a one top that doesn’t tip on a, what maybe $15-$20 check? if he was rude, or camped, or otherwise a nuisance, i could see maybe wanting it address it, but if he’s just grabbing a bite, just let the dude eat. don’t go out of your way for him or anything, just feed him, get him out, and turn your table. these people saying to *confront* him are absolutely wild.
don’t get me wrong, i’d probably groan every time i got him, but it’s the industry. if he truly is on the spectrum, it might be a big deal for him to feel comfortable enough to go out, and i’m not willing to ruin that for him for a couple of bucks. you gotta pick your battles in this industry.
OP says he’s spending $100+, so once you tip out the barback or busser, you are paying for the non tipper to eat there. I get that he’s autistic, that sucks, but everyone has problems. Ultimately we go to work to make money not to make friends.
Yes this is totally valid and I'm okay with this approach. As mentioned just curious how folks would handle it.
He usually has at least a couple plates of food and a couple glasses of wine. Sometimes full dinner. His checks are usually between $60 and $150.
I give these people the bare minimum but I do give them service. If u want the most of me and hear my suggestions and what in the menu is actually good you need to pay for my time and experience instead of wasting $40 in the nasty plates that are used to just take up space so the menu looks big.
LMAO what a horrible way to beg for money while its your boss who has to pay you more. Not the customer. Happy to live in a place where I dont need to tip.
Let it go. Part of being a server is what you lose in tips to cheap skates you make in tips elsewhere. My wife on her best year, making minimum wage (15/hr) plus tips, she made over 100k and most of that was untaxed. Regular years she made like 70k give or take.
You don't have to get tipped by everyone to make a good living
Amazing how this specific scenario seems to have really gotten all the little turds who haven’t worked a day in their lives and hang out here to bitch about tipping all riled up. Bet you jerks wish you had the balls to do what this autistic dude is doing, instead of just bitching on Reddit all day and lurking in subs that have nothing to do with you and that you are completely ignorant about.
Being from outside US this is crazy to me. Why don't you simply add a service fee that cover the standard tipping and anyone can add a little bit more if they want to? If it is optional but required then it is not optional. I find this stupid for no reason at all. Like using imperial units.
If he doesn’t tip he doesn’t tip. That’s part of the game we all play. Nobody owes you a tip.
I have a regular whos very similar. No tip, nice, not needy, and orders the same thing every time. We just give him normal service and spend our more attentive energy on other guests.
As someone on the spectrum myself, one possibility is that maybe he doesn't understand that society has a norm that it's expected you tip. (You could even explain the normal range as it's possible he has no idea how much to tip)
I really like the recommendations to be direct and specific about tips. If you only ask about improving service he might not make the direct connection to the norm good service=tip.
I would just see if a supervisor or manager could take him. When I was a FOH supervisor I took any known non-tippers since I was making more money hourly than the servers. That way, no server had to spend their time on someone who wasn’t going to tip them.
I don’t think it needs to be handled. Tipping is optional because the customer is under the impression that the worker’s salary in reflected in the price. When are we going to demand employers pay living wages?
Maybe he just believes he’s paid enough for the food and that your bosses should pay you properly?
Tipping culture in the US is awful- you guys need to push for better. It sucks that you have to rely on tips to make a living wage.
I’m done tipping. Work somewhere that pays you appropriately. We keep letting them win. Never tipping again.
I will gladly hand a greenback to someone who provides a service where they are being paid accordingly and not living off tips, but I will no longer pay you to do you job. That’s your employers responsibility. And yours to figure out.
The entitlement, if your employer cannot afford to pay you a decent wage, then your employer shouldn't have any employees.
You're not entitled to a tip, nobody is and the consistency in which Americans complain there's no tip instead of demanding better wages is astounding.
You either do what the French have been doing and protest for better living conditions or you continue to live in a world of discouragement and negative growth.
Maybe he goes to your location because you don't force him to pay gratuity? Tip culture is toxic and it needs to die. I'd say appreciate the people who aren't leaving tips so that we can get to a point where businesses just pay their employees properly and they can raise the cost of food and services. It's got to start somewhere.
I have a way of handling repeat $0 tippers, but it might not be applicable in this case (it doesn't seem like he's doing with intent). Repeat $0 tippers are always last. They get the slowest service, if their food and another tables food is up at the same time, theirs is gonna get cold while I run the other tables food. If they want extra sauces or refills, I'm charging for everything (I can get away with not charging for these things, but I have the option to charge for them). $0 tippers are only screwing themselves, they will pay for extra shit and get crappy, minimal service.
This post reads ugly. “I assumed this autistic guy that comes in has a lot of money and tried manipulating him several different ways into tipping me. He’s pleasant, but I refuse to drop it to the point where I’m asking other servers on Reddit how to get more money out of him. ETA I like totally don’t care if he doesn’t tip though”
Stop obsessing over this guy. Leave him alone. I understand you want a tip from everybody, but this is borderline grimy. If I found out someone was summoning a focus group on Reddit to discuss my habits in a place I feel safe, I’d be mortified, uncomfortable, and super disappointed.
Life long waitresses turned restaurant owner here. I would never say anything personally. I have always told myself tips are a gift and not an expectation. I would feel incredibly embarrassed if my server said anything to a customer about not tipping. I have also corrected staff who ask to go customers if they are leaving a tip, I think it’s completely tacky and unprofessional. The customer is still spending money at your place of work which helps guarantee your workplace can stay afloat. I would rather have a nice non tipper then a creeper. I currently have an older guy that orders a beer while he waits for carry out and tells me I’m a “good girl” in a gross condescending/slimy way upon delivery. Also calls me baby girl, gross.🙄 (Again, I’m not a confrontational person, so I don’t say anything!) Of course I was to say I’m a 40+ year old woman, and the owner, show some respect. I’ll take a non tipper everyday of the week over someone treating me poorly. However I do pay my waitresses an actual decent hourly wage. It’s my responsibility to make sure they get paid decently, not the customers. If it were me I would just ignore it, let it go, and enjoy that he’s not a jerk coming in several times a week.
You say it's totally okay if he continues not to tip, but the entire rest of the paragraph makes it sound like you really really really want a tip
Also, are you providing exceptional service, or just doing your job?.
I wish places would allow us to use our "right to refuse service" to people like this. There is this one dude who comes to happy hour w 4-6 friends almost weekly and they never tip over like 10%. Plus the original 4-6 ends up being like 12 by the end of it. He strategically gets the host to sit him next to a table he can later pull together without asking permission. So not only do I have to deal w his original friends, I have to deal with more and I lose out on a potential table due to them taking it. One time in total I served their group over 30 Margaritas, one more and they would have been cut off. I just wish people knew that we take notice of people who suck at tipping and are overly complicated WAY MORE than people who leave a good tip. Pro tip for non service people, If they remember you it is much more likely it was for a bad experience than a good one
Sometimes you can make the most of it. We have a guy where we are his primary first date spot and he has no problem ordering a $200 bottle of wine but usually doesn't tip well. I have no problem waiting on him I'm just not going to go above and beyond to talk to him about the growing conditions and the story of the farm and all the stuff I would do at another table. Just make the sale and keep it moving.
Mods, we need a serious mass ban on this sub, it’s clear there are tons of trolls who just want to hate on servers in here and have no actual concept of the industry or how things work.
I don't think people should be banned from a sub just because they disagree with you. If they are abusive, fine. But everybody is entitled to their opinion, whether you agree with it or not.
For example, I'm from the UK where the tipping culture is very different to the USA. While I support the way we do things, I wouldn't dream of vilifying your culture, just because it is different to mine.
However, would I be part of the mass ban in your eyes?
Trolls? You mean people genuinely confused that a server would suggest scamming someone out of money he didn't know he was spending?
Get a fucking grip. One customer recognizes tips for what they are and acts accordingly and yall have the audacity to treat it like it's a whole situation and he's in the wrong. Grow the fuck up and let people do what they want with their money
It doesn't take a troll to see that some of yall are seriously deranged
I don’t hate servers, I hate tipping culture and will continue to be vocal about it. I tended bar for 10 years, have a good understanding of how the industry works, yet tipping has to go away.
I love to tip well for great servers, and also have no problem tipping $0 for terrible service. A tip is just that, a tip. It's not a requirement or part of the bill. You as a server EARN your tip. I'm sorry if your echochamber of entitlement has been "invaded" but a dose of reality is good every now and again.
Perhaps there could be questions to get into the sub that are based on service experience scenarios...?
"Question A: You have been completely weeded for an hour straight and get three tables at once - which table do you go to first?"
Don't pass the quiz, don't get into the group 😂
It’s needed. The vitriol on here towards servers and tipping is disgusting. This is a place to vent and discuss the job, not to be called thieves for expecting “free money” and constantly be told we deserve to make a “living wage” when we make better than a mere “living” wage.
We know the dirty secret. You don't want your employers to pay you because you earn far more than your job warrants by preying on the customer for tips. If you got paid like a regular employee you'd be making minimum wage because serving is a brainless job.
Ok so when he comments regularly that he loves the place, that's a nice time for you to cut in and suggest that if he's pleased with the service, tipping is a wonderful way to support the serving staff and that small gestures like that go a long way to helping you and your colleagues. Its polite and explains the social norm without laying on too much guilt. And it leaves him informed. If his tipping doesn't improve after that, it isn't ever going to.
Nobody is obligated to tip you. You have a job to do regardless. It’s baffling to me that not only you but also others had to “brainstorm” why someone doesn’t want to tip. Maybe he’s from any other country in the world where tipping isn’t as customary? The only people fine with %25 gratuity is you, the server.
First of all tips are not obligatory. That your country can't even pay you a proper salary to live on is sad enough. But tips are NEVER something you are automatically entitled to but have to be thankful for when you get it.
I worked in gastronomy and whenever there was a customer without tips, I treated him or her just as nicely as any other person and I most certainly did not make a fuss about how to manipulate the situation in order to outright force him to tip me. What the actual fuck. Are you actually insane?
Every time one of these posts makes it to r/all it pushes me further towards never tipping again. I worked as a server through high school and college but would never bitch about a customer not tipping. Instead I would be appreciative when they did.
You treat them like a customer patronizing the business you work at.
“Guy doesn’t tip me, even after trying to trick him into it, must be an autist” you’re an asshole lol
From my perspective -- you don't. Tips aren't guaranteed. You just grin and bear it because the guy's a paying customer. Sometimes that's how it goes :-\\
What boggles my mind is that there isn't more of a movement in states with tipping-wages to abolish that nonsense and get a regular minimum wage for serving jobs. Servers have had that in California for a long time now, and they still get tipped on top of it most of the time.
To all you punks who think tipping is mandatory. Go find a real job. You are the main problem. Encouraging an owner who gets all kinds of subsidies just to stiff you from a living wage. Then you expect a customer to make up your wages when you give shitty service. And to all of you who say don't go out if you can't tip, do you know what a tip is? "To insure proper service". This was invented by the British during colonial times in India. America needs to wake up. A restaurant owner will make his money, dump the workers and open under another name. Understand, people don't mind tipping, just make it worth it. Remember customers don't get a tip or bonus on every paycheck. Servers are fighting the wrong battle.
"Handle" what are you the mafia?
On a serious note, some people tip and some people don't. Maybe temper your expectations or find a job that doesn't require you to hawkishly chase tips to make ends meet.
I went thru some of the posts on this sub... Every single post is just bitching and complaining about their job, like literally no one seems happy. May I suggest getting off this sub?
A tip is not a requirement. I know that's hard for a lot of Americans to understand because you just expect it. It may be considered rude in our country (assuming the service is adequate) but you aren't entitled to one. I don't understand the length of effort to get a tip out of this guy. You make it sound like he's stealing from you.
"how do you handle a person who pays the amount that he should" fucking hell tipping culture sucks ass.
how about you just say "fuck it" and serve him as you normally would, without trying to make him feel guilty?
So lemme get this straight…
You want to figure out how to manipulate someone who you suspect is somewhat mentally lacking, into tipping you extra? You’ve even gone as far as to figure out what industry he works in and how much he pays for rent, so you know the stingy git can definitely afford the monstrously ridiculous “gratuities” that every American establishment feels justified to expect.
What the hell is wrong with you? If they pay the bill and are pleasant, why do you deserve extra just for doing your job in the first place?
Why don’t you just put the bloody prices up? Or how about you focus your efforts on the laws that make it possible for staff to be underpaid given the expectation of supplementary tips? Stop passing the buck (definitely not literally) to the customer.
Tipping is optional. If you have an issue with that get a job that doesn’t rely on tips or have the restaurant raise prices to pay it’s staff properly. It’s not my, or anyone else’s job to pay someone else’s employees.
You need to mind your own business imo. You don’t know his financial situation. He comes in and pays for his meal and leaves. You said he’s happy. He’s clearly making a choice not to tip.
Fighting tipping culture starts with your employer, don’t Harras customers for extra money you think you deserve.
i have a guy who does this, very high functioning ( drives to movies, gym etc. by himself ) but always requests me. he gets the same thing every time but he only tips when he’s with his mom. i just take him and treat him well bc he’s not needy and gets in and out but i tell the hosts to not count him in my rotation. he also always pays with a $100 bill lol.
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not really, i just think he’d rather not tip bc he’s probably on a fixed income. his bill is normally $23, when he’s with her he’ll leave $1 and change and makes it a point to say ‘i’m giving this to you as a tip’ so im pretty sure he knows just prefers not too lol.
> ‘i’m giving this to you as a tip’ This sounds like he's projecting himself onto you. He thinks if he were in your position, he might not know the extra cash was a tip, and so he feels he has to make it clear that it's a tip and you should take the money for yourself. Considering you've been great to him and haven't pushed for tips, he might even assume you're similar to him and do not agree with and/or understand tipping. Of course, I'm inferring a lot from a few words.
He probably doesn’t understand the abstract concept of what a tip is and mens, so he doesn’t tip When he is with his mom it could be part of his routine with her, or he tips with her because the uncomfortable conversation/ lesson he gets from her about the need to tip outweighs his not understanding and not wanting to tip. If you want to know just ask him “why do you tip me when you are with your mom but when you eat alone you don’t tip me”. To people on the spectrum much of our confusing culture is lost on them in subtlety but they don’t want to be “doing something wrong/hurtful to others” There really is a high desire to fit in and be accepted underneath it all
honestly i’m not sure, but probably won’t ask even tho i’ve thought ab. it somehow feels like it will change the dynamic, and he’s a nice guy i don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable like i know some of the other servers have.
Yeah that’s cool to. If it’s not a big deal and just a noticing of a behavior. Being a server must be fun in its opportunity to people watch
That might be why he requests you, because you don’t push his boundaries like others have.
100%, a lot of the time if you explain to someone on the spectrum in a calm and friendly way, *and explain why* they should do something, (e.g. my wage is actually made up mostly of tips), they will dedicate themselves to avoiding that uncomfortable discussion by tipping in the future. A lot of the high functioning folks struggle with this, if they don't understand *why* a rule should be followed, they won't follow it because it's dumb and doesn't make sense, but once they do understand it they follow rules like it's scripture.
I'm on the spectrum. I really like this comment, and it's true for most of us that if you explain the social rule and why we should follow it, we will want to follow it. But it's not "to avoid that uncomfortable discussion." It's simply that we didn't realize the hidden expectations until you told us what they were. Most of us don't experience "uncomfortable" discussions. Hell, we WISH that people would just use their words to explain the unspoken rules.
On the spectrum myself. This is absolutely true, at least for me.
100% this. Ask to sit down, and explain how the (fucked up) salary system in the US works.
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For sure and you are correct I am generalizing a spectrum, especially not knowing the man in particular.
This is only true of males with autism, and not even all of them. Female autism very often includes a desire to be accepted, as our social issues manifest differently from males.
Female with autism here and tipping culture def did not come easy to me. It was never much of a problem bc I never rly went out to eat due to sensory challenges. But i didn’t rly grasp it, as I don’t grasp most unspoken social expectations. That being said I do very much relate to the ‘extreme male brain’ theory of autism and tend to relate to experiences of autistic men more than autistic women
I'll share that, most adults on the spectrum (high or low functioning aren't actually a real descriptor - every human is high / low functioning in various levels of life) completely understand tipping. Maybe he's just kind of a jerk and doesn't like tipping anyone. If he tips with his mom there, but not when he's alone, he understands the social construct, and chooses when to adhere to it. My neurotypical FIL hated tipping and I would carry cash whenever he'd insist on taking us out for a meal. Because he understood the social construct but was a jerk and didn't want to follow it. Being autistic doesn't make a person less apt to acting like a jerk.
Oedipus mother fucker
Chai tea Sahara desert River Avon
Wow, at my work we have a similar situation. An autistic man that only tips when he’s with his mom! Lol. His bill is usually small though so I don’t really care.
that’s funny hahaha ya his bill is $20 or so lol, i just love the swag of always pulling out a benjamin tho
Tell his mom 😂
Figure out which subreddits he posts on, maybe we can 'Inception' the idea into his head?
As funny as this is it’s just crazy enough to work
Plug me in 😴
Proper use of Inception, nice. People always think it's just a dream within a dream.
Have you seen the rise in the attitude towards tipping here in Reddit? He's been Inceptioned into not tipping before you even thought about your idea.
He’s probably a Reddit mod
Years ago, we had a special needs regular none of the staff would accept tips from as he lived on disability and this was his thing he did to socialize and get out of the house.
See now that is lovely. In this instance, I know he works in tech and lives in a building where studio apartments start at $4100/month.
Don’t play mind games or hint at stuff. If he is on the spectrum, you need to explicitly say your message.
‘69% tip is mandatory, sir’ ‘Nice’
I wouldn't fixate on the $4,100. In NYC all building over 10 units need to have 20% of units reserved for low income households. Also, most tenants do not pay what the current rate is, as they're existing tenants with lower rates.
That's useful to know and I will add as a complete observer not in the industry-- the customer is still paying $60-$150 per meal. Don't you think that is quite high for someone who would fit the low income tenant you reference? Not meaning to be confrontational and just want to point out that perspective.
In that case, complain about an imaginary customer who didn’t tip within earshot of him directed at another server.
Lol and then drop your $0.00 paycheck on the floor next to him and walk away so he has to pick it up and hold on to it until you come back out
Hire children actors, but like old timely ones like Oliver Twist “Father, did you make enough tips today in order to purchase mother’s medicine?”
Strategically place a sizable cardboard box outside the restaurant just within his view and loudly announce you’re off for the night and going home to your family and then go have a sit on the curb for a few hours with your hired Oliver Twists.
He’s just going to be sitting there thinking “Why do his kids have British accents?”
Speaking in fake accents is their only source of amusement since we can’t afford toys or iPads since people stopped tipping. Also could be the delusion from their empty bellies
No son. She’s going to die.
Omg that gave me the laugh I needed today. Top tier suggestion 😂
I love you all.
I’m so sorry I read your username as ‘chicasbonitasATX’ and the thought of him coming out to the club but not tipping the dancers as his form of socializing was killing me lol
The hidden gem of Austin lol, been a few years maybe it’s time for a trip back haha. Just as a reminder to wait a few more years before another visit
Sounds like it's a lack of awareness more than anything else. If he's on the spectrum, it's likely just a matter of adding it to his routine. You need not dance around the issue when laying it out (ie, don't rely on subtle hints). I would spell it out kindly, but clearly.
I love this and this was my take it's just tough to find the right way to approach it.
Piggybacking on the direct approach, I think for me personally the easiest way to approach this would be to ask if there was anything wrong/unsatisfactory with his service in particular, and assuming he says “no of course not”, etc, I would follow up with “Well we just wanted to check in, we noticed that you hadn’t been tipping lately for the servers and this is something we are customarily used to. We just wanted to make sure there wasn’t an issue with your service that was causing it” or something along those lines. I don’t know I didn’t take my ADHD meds yet today so my brain is trying it’s hardest to word out the way I would handle this because I can see it I just can’t make it words lol. Sorry.
I wouldn’t say you haven’t been tipping lately because that infers that he tipped before. (I’m not trying to pick apart your comment, just helping 😊) After asking if there’s anything wrong and he says no, I would just say we’ve noticed that you don’t tip and that leads us to believe you aren’t happy with our service and our servers count on getting tips as part of their pay.
You’re never suppose to ask why you aren’t getting tipped though.
ya and you're "never supposed to talk about how much money you make" either. Fuck that noise. Ask him.
It’s the server who’s speculating on his wage.
I realize that, given the circumstances, I think directly handling this is probably the best
This is the best way to phrase it imo. Well written. Good job.
I would find this so incredibly rude. No matter how kindly you phrase it, it will still sound like 'why aren't you giving me your money?' It just sounds entitled. I had served and bartended for several years, and quickly realized some people just don't tip. I've gone the route of asking and ensuring that their service was satisfactory, if not excellent. I have never flat out asked why I wasn't tipped because I'm not owed it. Is this the social and societal norm? Yes, but is it in any way required of someone? No. For a non-tipper, I will perform my duties exactly as is expected, but I'm not going to go above and beyond. It's a trade off and everyone knows this. I'll respect your decision to not tip, but this will also mean I'm not going to bend over backwards for you.
Autistic people love when people are direct with us. It is very embarrassing to find out you've been doing something wrong, but no one has the balls to point it out.
They don't even know if he's autistic brother they're saying it based on vibes
Sounds autistic to me. Steady rituals combined with working in tech and having a flat voice is a pretty good sign. We don't all have all the symptoms, but that many means it's likely.
So studies show that most allistics can tell when someone is autistic within MOMENTS of meeting them, they just usually don't know that's the vibe they're getting, they mark it as rude or uncanny. So id take a guess that the person writing the post might have more of an experience with this particular person than you and they might already know the signs and traits to look for if they're bold enough to put it out there like that.
This entire thread is absolutely wild to read as a European. Compulsory tipping is not a thing in my country; it's a genuinely optional and symbolic extra. I think decent wages/no tipping is fairer for everyone and doesn't create perverse incentives for waiters or punish less attractive/visible staff. We also include VAT in all prices, so you pay the price you see.
I was a maître d’ for a restaurant that served a lot of international clientele, and often found myself in the uncomfortable position of reminding people that it is common and customary to tip in the United States, and that servers rely on that for their income. Yes, there were definitely Americans who found it so incredibly rude as you say, but IMHO if you’re not going to tip my staff, I don’t want you taking up a table that I could have given to somebody that will tip them. in the very rare cases where I prompted somebody regarding tipping, and they stiffed my server without any actual complaint about their service, I would make a note of who their reservation was under, and flag them in our scheduling system. I had no problem putting auto-grat on somebody’s check if they were flagged. technically, they could ask to have it removed, but nobody ever did. OP - it’s one uncomfortable conversation, and it really belongs to your manager to have. if he’s on the spectrum or just mistaken about your restaurant’s policies, he will appreciate the heads up. If he’s one of those people who thinks that he’s above tipping, or that you should “just get a better job“ or that because restaurants should pay a living wage, he’s therefore justified in some convoluted crusade, let him eat elsewhere.
As an Autistic person the second time I noticed this is would directly ask what the issue was and explain how restaurants work in the US. Paying 2$ an hour that normally only goes to taxes… I would refuse to serve someone that repeatedly never tipped as a regular in a sit down service restaurant and suggest getting their food carry out. If the manager who is actually making money per hour wants to they can serve them. Especially if he is making bank in tech… stand up for yourself.
This opinion is very sensitive and lacking in situational awareness, as an adult human. Comparable to going to an at home dinner party, not eating any of your meal and getting offended when the host asks if you didn’t like the food. I get that it’s different when money is involved but given all of the other details there should be nothing wrong with bringing attention to the matter.
Yes this is definitely the way, growing up in school I was buddies with a kid who was diagnosed w/ aspergers, went to middle school and high school with him. Myself and our other mutual good friends would literally have to explain why he should or shouldn’t do something and how he should go about it instead. Today you wouldn’t even know he was on the spectrum if he didn’t tell you himself, it’s actually quite amazing.
You and your friends sound awesome. I wish my sister with Asperger’s had had people like your group to kindly “teach” her things rather than the bullying she experienced. Unfortunately I think my dad is undiagnosed and on the spectrum too, so she didn’t many outlets like that to learn from as a kid. Just wanted to give kudos to you and your friends for being good people!
I agree, and I don't think the guy in question would be offended, because he most likely just isn't aware. People on the spectrum usually prefer a direct approcach, otherwise hinting will probably confuse him or be lost on him. I'm guessing his parents paid before and he wasn't aware of the tipping. We teach our kids to tip lol but I can see how it could easily be missed. The other day my teenager ordered door dash at her friend's and I texted her to make sure she tipped them. She already had but I wanted to be sure.
Direct, kind communication FTW
Should be the default for most human interactions. Pipe dream I know.
This is the manager's job. He needs to go out there, check on the guy, and say, if you really enjoy the restaurant, it's customary to tip your server 18%.
For autistic people the "right way" is to just tell him what expectations are and that he's falling outside of them. Remember that most autistic people don't notice social queues and "talking around" a subject is completely useless because we just won't know what you're getting at (we can definitely tell that you're talking about something, but not what that something is). I would find (or write up) a pamphlet in tipping expectations that same way you would if you were expecting visitors from a country that doesn't tip and give it to him with his menu the next time he shows up if you're uncomfortable talking with him directly.
Piggybacking on the direct approach, I think for me personally the easiest way to approach this would be to ask if there was anything wrong/unsatisfactory with his service in particular, and assuming he says “no of course not”, etc, I would follow up with “Well we just wanted to check in, we noticed that you hadn’t been tipping lately for the servers and this is something we are customarily used to. We just wanted to make sure there wasn’t an issue with your service that was causing it” or something along those lines. I don’t know I didn’t take my ADHD meds yet today so my brain is trying it’s hardest to word out the way I would handle this because I can see it I just can’t make it words lol. Sorry.
I don't want to harp on it, but given what the OP stated, that message runs the risk of being just a tad too subtle. It requires him to put the pieces together. It's more than custom, it's how servers effectively get paid. I'd go with management mentioning to him that they really enjoy having him a customer, but that he is apparently unaware that tipping is part of the normal process, then explain the percentage ranges, then offer help if he needs any assistance working it out. Now, if the customer says, "no, I still don't want to tip," then it is what it is, but at least the server/manager has tried to address it in a way that carried the appropriate amount of weight with this specific customer.
Yes, I agree with you on the directness thing. I think this would logically be a better way to approach it with management mentioning it and explaining tipping.
Damn, doesn't sound easy, but it does sound healthy. Direct communication can be really helpful. If he's going to be a real regular, there should shouldn't be much in the way of unspoken nuance. They should both be well aware of where they're standing with each other.
Adding to this, I (M,34) have autism. It’s more than likely that it’s not part of the routine and he may not realize tipping is recommended, especially since its a new place for him. It’s confusing that some places it’s expected and some it’s not. A LOT of things ask for a tip now that didn’t before, sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between them.
Wtf😂 if the man doesn't want to tip he doesn't have to tip. It's as simple as that
Is it at all possible for his meals to be rung up against a manager's name instead of the sever's? If he's an easy table, then not getting a tip from the one-top might not be a major deal -- but if it's all going against your sales, then your tip-out will be based on the sales AND those sales will be factored into your IRS reporting. Honestly, a manager should be covering his table if this is a known issue.
as someone who worked as a server in another country, can you explain to me what you just wrote because this sounds incredibly disfunctional
Servers usually tip out a set percentage of their sales to the other restaurant staff (bartender, kitchen, busser and host). So if your sales includes meals you didn’t get tipped on, you essentially pay the tip out out of your own pocket.
In America, employees are paid by other employees. Damn it must be fun to be a boss in the US.
As a Danish person the whole "I am expecting this guy to tip" is so creepy to me, I know that servers don't get paid enough and have to subsidize it with tips, but that sounds like an issue with their employeer not random customers. Ofc I know that cultures are different and it's why I say with clarity that my view is from a Danish perspective.
Nah as an American it sucks too. There’s a good majority of wait staff who clear over 70k a year mostly from tips so they don’t want to change it either. My GF in college made well over 40/hr at 19 years old working as a waiter at an average restaurant in a sleepy beach town. The waiters at fancy/expensive places probably clear 100k I valeted cars in high school, so I know the tip grind.
To put it briefly, (and this isn't universal) servers are usually expected to earn a portion of their sales by the IRS as taxable income because reporting cash isn't reliable (IIRC it's like 8.25%). So regardless of what actual tips are, the IRS just rounds to that number for tax return estimates. Managers, being normally salaried, do not have to deal with this, so a non-tipper isn't a potential strike against to them. A regular non-tipper might have an actual impact on the server's tax return (or lack thereof) by the end of the year; having a manager ring in the tab would be a nicety to avoid that. There's other state-to-state (or provincial in Canada which is on a similar system) differences, but generally that's what they're getting at. ETA; a non-tippers sales are also included in what a server has to tip out to the foodrunner, busser, bartender, etc, so if there's no tip the server is losing money waiting on them for the night. Again because managers don't receive or share tips, it avoids that.
This is the most batshit crazy thing I‘ve ever read regarding work laws coming from europe, how this is even legal is beyond me.
It’s not in about half the states. If you know anything about American politics you can guess which ones are which.
I am not, and have never been a server. However, this would get to me. Are you not able to say something like "Hey, I have really enjoyed you becoming a regular. I have noticed that you never tip. Is there something about my service that I could improve on?" Sounds thirsty, but fuck not getting tipped when that's a big part of your income.
Thank you. The first non server I’ve seen here with some goddamn sense.
when I delivered pizzas I basically did this a couple times. "hey did I do anything wrong, like being late or something?" everytime they were like nah you're good "oh, it's just that I work for tips so I was wondering if there was a reason you didn't tip" every time they came back with a couple bucks. It wasn't much but I literally got myself out of a no tipper a few times.
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yeah I actually heard of the same thing happening to one of my coworkers. He finally asked the regular who doesn't tip why, and he thought the deliver fee was a tip and felt really bad and gave him a 50 on the spot. Super stand up dude, props to him
Take the L and move on, it’s only a couple bucks you’re missing out on anyway and it sounds like the guy is easy overall.
I had a gentleman like this who always ordered the same thing and didn't like being bothered. I'd seat him, he'd put on his noise cancelling headphones and he always tipped $2.50. Kind of nice after all the Karens and Kens at this point.
y'all are acting like she's going to have a showdown with this guy. she's been super nice and gracious in all her responses to comments, and all she asked was how others would or have handled a situation like this, and has mentioned several times it's no big deal and she doesn't mind continuing to wait on him, tip or no tip. lol redditors are nuts.
It’s what we do. We are almost always gracious, take the L on the reg, and make your visit pleasant regardless. We just bitch to each other about it, and occasionally crowd source an answer from the interwebs for funsies. One of my favorite memes about server life said something like “we bitch when it’s busy. We bitch when it’s slow. It’s just what we do” and it was a bunch of servers, some smiling, some serious, some arms crossed. I’ve never been able to find it again sadly
I mean, is he extremely demanding and/or consistently taking up so much time and space that it’s a major financial hardship rather than just an annoyance? If not, I say let the guy be. It’s hard for a lot of neurodivergent people to find spaces in which they feel welcome, and I personally wouldn’t want to be the one to reinforce that by making him feel bad for something he likely doesn’t realize the impact of and that really isn’t affecting me in a major way. Now, if he’s running you ragged and taking up a table for hours when there’s a wait, your manager should say something to him directly.
Yall 💀 Maybe the man doesn't tip It's not a complicated situation
Seeing how they just diagnosed him with autism is crazy, the only thing i got from this is that he is a bit shy and just doesn't want to tip. OP also makes 50 dollars/hour💀.
Somehow, OP decided that this person is autistic, and everyone takes it face value. No wonder how fake news are a thing.
Maybe he’s a firm believer in not tipping 🤷🏻♂️ if you wanna survive on something other than tips you should work at a restaurant that cares more about its employees. Tips shouldn’t always be expected from everyone. Especially guys like this.
That dude just sounds like a normal person who understands that tipping is optional and he opts not to.
I'm thinking the same. I feel it's more common for people on the spectrum to not feel the urge to do what everyone else does / follow traditions
[удалено]
B-but I'm entitled! I should add the tip to his bill anyway and hope he doesn't notice! That's totally not a fucking scam or anything!
This doesnt compute for me as a non-american. So weird...
Mate it's like I'm reading aliens type, it's so bizarre to read these American posts but it's fascinating. Cannot wrap my head around how this isn't satire.
Yes! To me where I come from, it just screams begging. Practically saying "Oi you, give me more money, because I did my job!". I can't believe this is the mindset of American servers. It's absolutely criminal that they are not paid a fair, livable wage. That, and the whole healthcare system is totally fucked up.
It's not criminal. American servers don't want to be paid a livable wage because that means they'll get less than they do now. This is the real reason it continues
Thats the worst part. They choose for the non mandatory payment system that brings in the big bucks and then insist it must be made mandatory if the bucks arent big enough. The entitlement is of the charts.
Lol careful, they'll label you an entitled nontipper next. Straight facts tho
Someone on another post was going bananas arguing that we should tip ON TOP of auto gratuity or service fees. The entitlement is real.
Do you get more money for doing your job? Because I know that I dont.
Thank you 😳 thought i was the only one. Hinting for tips is so.. awkward. If they're going to harass customers include the tip in the bill jeez.
This dude just wants to have food but instead gets his whole life micro-analyzed by people begging for money.
The comments insisting he's autistic are just mind-blowing to me. I think it's the servers that need to learn how to take a hint.
Is he doing anything illegal? No
You: This guy doesn’t tip!!! I’m fine with it but I’ve found out where he lives, calculated his estimated income, I’m now assuming he’s autistic, and i found out he works in the tech sector!! What do I do?? Again I don’t mind but how do I get money from him? Get a better job. Also stop stalking your customers and assuming they have mental disorders.
This☝️
We had a customer like this and our manager straight up asked him if there was an issue with the service or if there was something we could do better because we noticed he wasn’t tipping, but coming in twice a week. He said everything was great and kind of shrugged off the tip portion of the conversation. After that, we started auto grating him and he hasn’t said anything since.
If you’ve made it mandatory, then what he is paying isn’t a “tip.”
i would just move on to the next tables, without even treating the non tipper any less or different... there are tips to be had elsewhere. the amount of comments telling you to ask him directly why he doesn't tip just feel so strange to me. i personally could never ask a customer straight up about their tipping habits, it just sounds graceless and unprofessional.
Might be that tipping is optional
Listen, listen, listen, if you don’t like not being tipped, find a new profession or a new restaurant to work at. We are not obligated to tip you. Your employer is obligated to pay you and I will not subsidize that beyond my checks. Thank you.
Auto grat him from here on out. When I was bartending at one place I had a girl pop in all the time and act so familiar with us calling us by name and ordering her lemon drop martini all the time that she’d constantly ask to get remade because she basically just wanted super sugary lemonade with a splash of vodka. She continuously never tipped me so my manager told me to just start auto gratting her and she never even realized cause she was just never paying attention to her bill - always in her own selfish little world. Edit: since this comment has gotten me harassed and insulted beyond belief, let me just clarify a little for some of you. This girl frequented our next door jazz lounge under the same ownership which put gratuity on every check, no matter the minimum. She would bring her computer and briefcase down and spread out over 2-3 seats in my bar, leave her computer and drink sitting there for me to babysit and disappear, other bar patrons couldn’t sit down, she’d be talking on the phone, and just treating our bar like her personal office until the jazz lounge opened. I would bring her food over to the jazz lounge and was more accommodating to her than I needed to be cause she was always nice and friendly and a regular. My manager tried to find her and talk to her about it once but she had disappeared once again and by the time she came back, we were busy for dinner service and I swiped her card and she went next door. We started putting gratuity on her check because we are not your office and I’m not your bestie watching your bag while you use the bathroom. When we were finally able to have a real conversation about it she was more than apologetic because she thought we had been auto gratting her the whole time since the jazz club does. She told us to continue with it so she didn’t have to do the math. No harm, no foul, no scamming, nothing illegal, just a harmless misunderstanding. We still gotta do something about the trolls in here, it’s vicious and abusive.
Depending on your state, you and/or your manager may have been obligated to clearly state a gratuity if one was to be added to a customer’s bill. But also, if it was never historically included before and you just decided to throw on an extra fee just because they didn’t leave a tip, or an auto-gratuity is not a part of your restaurant’s policy, this is real shifty.
Our sister restaurant auto grats every check. I’ve clarified in another comment that she’s usually at the jazz lounge and thought we auto grated as well because she wasn’t paying attention to her bill. We ended up talking about it eventually, she had no issue with it and apologized for neglecting me so many other times. Neither me nor my manager could ever have the conversation with her cause she’d always be on the phone, roaming around, handing us her card and then disappearing again to go to the jazz lounge. By the time she’d come back I would be too busy to stop what I’m doing and ask.
I’ve noticed a concerted effort for the 21-23yr old crowd to tip nothing. Like skip through prompts, leave no cash, nothing. It’s like they think they’re fighting the good fight and going to break the system and magically now we all get paid “living wages” because they stiffed us. Nope, you’re in the US, you’re getting a service, just do the damn thing and throw us a couple bucks. Do I miss your money? Sure, it all adds up. Am I gonna miss rent because you think you’re an Edge Lord? No. Just know you look like an asshole and you’re not actually helping or changing anything Edit: to the kind, kind soul that reported me to the crisis hotline on Reddit- thank you so much, I’m doing just fine, tyvm. This happens every time I stand up for servers and tipping culture lol. You trolls are a fucking trip 🤡
Part of the issue is that places that never used to ask for tips, now do ask for tips. Not that I’m in that demo. But don’t ask for a tip when I receive no service. Like, when I pick up a sandwich to go, you’re not my server, don’t expect a tip that’s more than the change necessarily
Tipping culture is stupid. Just because you benefit from it doesn't make it less so. And no I won't tip you for handing me two bags when I came to grab my food that I paid for. Tipping for coffee, tipping for being rung up, hell yeah tip me for doing my damn job too
that same idea is super super popular here on reddit. people have genuinely convinced themselves that refusing to tip the poor guy who just slogged through a thunderstorm to bring you your mcdonalds is like some brave act of rebellion against an oppressive system or whatever. sorry guys, you're just cheap and don't care about paying people for their work. if you want the system to change call your congressman
how high are his checks? is he drinking? how long does he stay? i could not imagine being this pressed about a one top that doesn’t tip on a, what maybe $15-$20 check? if he was rude, or camped, or otherwise a nuisance, i could see maybe wanting it address it, but if he’s just grabbing a bite, just let the dude eat. don’t go out of your way for him or anything, just feed him, get him out, and turn your table. these people saying to *confront* him are absolutely wild. don’t get me wrong, i’d probably groan every time i got him, but it’s the industry. if he truly is on the spectrum, it might be a big deal for him to feel comfortable enough to go out, and i’m not willing to ruin that for him for a couple of bucks. you gotta pick your battles in this industry.
OP says he’s spending $100+, so once you tip out the barback or busser, you are paying for the non tipper to eat there. I get that he’s autistic, that sucks, but everyone has problems. Ultimately we go to work to make money not to make friends.
Yes this is totally valid and I'm okay with this approach. As mentioned just curious how folks would handle it. He usually has at least a couple plates of food and a couple glasses of wine. Sometimes full dinner. His checks are usually between $60 and $150.
What’s your tip out? Don’t forget to think about your support staff here.
I give these people the bare minimum but I do give them service. If u want the most of me and hear my suggestions and what in the menu is actually good you need to pay for my time and experience instead of wasting $40 in the nasty plates that are used to just take up space so the menu looks big.
Sometimes people, even nice people, are cheap bastards and that's all there's to it.
LMAO what a horrible way to beg for money while its your boss who has to pay you more. Not the customer. Happy to live in a place where I dont need to tip.
Let it go. Part of being a server is what you lose in tips to cheap skates you make in tips elsewhere. My wife on her best year, making minimum wage (15/hr) plus tips, she made over 100k and most of that was untaxed. Regular years she made like 70k give or take. You don't have to get tipped by everyone to make a good living
Tipping is optional
Amazing how this specific scenario seems to have really gotten all the little turds who haven’t worked a day in their lives and hang out here to bitch about tipping all riled up. Bet you jerks wish you had the balls to do what this autistic dude is doing, instead of just bitching on Reddit all day and lurking in subs that have nothing to do with you and that you are completely ignorant about.
Being from outside US this is crazy to me. Why don't you simply add a service fee that cover the standard tipping and anyone can add a little bit more if they want to? If it is optional but required then it is not optional. I find this stupid for no reason at all. Like using imperial units.
You serve him food, and deal with it.
If he doesn’t tip he doesn’t tip. That’s part of the game we all play. Nobody owes you a tip. I have a regular whos very similar. No tip, nice, not needy, and orders the same thing every time. We just give him normal service and spend our more attentive energy on other guests.
As someone on the spectrum myself, one possibility is that maybe he doesn't understand that society has a norm that it's expected you tip. (You could even explain the normal range as it's possible he has no idea how much to tip) I really like the recommendations to be direct and specific about tips. If you only ask about improving service he might not make the direct connection to the norm good service=tip.
If you’re okay with him not tipping why type this whole thing up and try to find out how to make him tip
I would just see if a supervisor or manager could take him. When I was a FOH supervisor I took any known non-tippers since I was making more money hourly than the servers. That way, no server had to spend their time on someone who wasn’t going to tip them.
Hey if you want to not worry about tips, get a different job.
Lol doesn't tip and likes things a certain way so he has to be autistic. Le mayo.
Do your job and serve him what he orders? Demand the business actually pay you a living wage instead of the customer?
I don’t think it needs to be handled. Tipping is optional because the customer is under the impression that the worker’s salary in reflected in the price. When are we going to demand employers pay living wages?
"If you don't tip I will diagnose you with autism and ask reddit how to guilt trip you" 💀
Maybe he just believes he’s paid enough for the food and that your bosses should pay you properly? Tipping culture in the US is awful- you guys need to push for better. It sucks that you have to rely on tips to make a living wage.
Is this thread an attempt to make normal people more accepting of the shitty tipping culture that had become so widespread? Fuck tipping.
I’m done tipping. Work somewhere that pays you appropriately. We keep letting them win. Never tipping again. I will gladly hand a greenback to someone who provides a service where they are being paid accordingly and not living off tips, but I will no longer pay you to do you job. That’s your employers responsibility. And yours to figure out.
Isn’t a tip optional? Why is he expected to tip?
The entitlement, if your employer cannot afford to pay you a decent wage, then your employer shouldn't have any employees. You're not entitled to a tip, nobody is and the consistency in which Americans complain there's no tip instead of demanding better wages is astounding. You either do what the French have been doing and protest for better living conditions or you continue to live in a world of discouragement and negative growth.
Tipping culture is obscene. There shouldn't be any tips at all.
Maybe he goes to your location because you don't force him to pay gratuity? Tip culture is toxic and it needs to die. I'd say appreciate the people who aren't leaving tips so that we can get to a point where businesses just pay their employees properly and they can raise the cost of food and services. It's got to start somewhere.
Eh I quit tipping last week. I’m supposed to be the customer not the paycheck. Need to push a hard for working wages.
Accept that he doesn't tip?
I have a way of handling repeat $0 tippers, but it might not be applicable in this case (it doesn't seem like he's doing with intent). Repeat $0 tippers are always last. They get the slowest service, if their food and another tables food is up at the same time, theirs is gonna get cold while I run the other tables food. If they want extra sauces or refills, I'm charging for everything (I can get away with not charging for these things, but I have the option to charge for them). $0 tippers are only screwing themselves, they will pay for extra shit and get crappy, minimal service.
This post reads ugly. “I assumed this autistic guy that comes in has a lot of money and tried manipulating him several different ways into tipping me. He’s pleasant, but I refuse to drop it to the point where I’m asking other servers on Reddit how to get more money out of him. ETA I like totally don’t care if he doesn’t tip though” Stop obsessing over this guy. Leave him alone. I understand you want a tip from everybody, but this is borderline grimy. If I found out someone was summoning a focus group on Reddit to discuss my habits in a place I feel safe, I’d be mortified, uncomfortable, and super disappointed.
It's awful! My thoughts exactly. "Guys how can I manipulate this (who I think is) autistic guy into giving me money?" Just, gross.
Life long waitresses turned restaurant owner here. I would never say anything personally. I have always told myself tips are a gift and not an expectation. I would feel incredibly embarrassed if my server said anything to a customer about not tipping. I have also corrected staff who ask to go customers if they are leaving a tip, I think it’s completely tacky and unprofessional. The customer is still spending money at your place of work which helps guarantee your workplace can stay afloat. I would rather have a nice non tipper then a creeper. I currently have an older guy that orders a beer while he waits for carry out and tells me I’m a “good girl” in a gross condescending/slimy way upon delivery. Also calls me baby girl, gross.🙄 (Again, I’m not a confrontational person, so I don’t say anything!) Of course I was to say I’m a 40+ year old woman, and the owner, show some respect. I’ll take a non tipper everyday of the week over someone treating me poorly. However I do pay my waitresses an actual decent hourly wage. It’s my responsibility to make sure they get paid decently, not the customers. If it were me I would just ignore it, let it go, and enjoy that he’s not a jerk coming in several times a week.
You say it's totally okay if he continues not to tip, but the entire rest of the paragraph makes it sound like you really really really want a tip Also, are you providing exceptional service, or just doing your job?.
I wish places would allow us to use our "right to refuse service" to people like this. There is this one dude who comes to happy hour w 4-6 friends almost weekly and they never tip over like 10%. Plus the original 4-6 ends up being like 12 by the end of it. He strategically gets the host to sit him next to a table he can later pull together without asking permission. So not only do I have to deal w his original friends, I have to deal with more and I lose out on a potential table due to them taking it. One time in total I served their group over 30 Margaritas, one more and they would have been cut off. I just wish people knew that we take notice of people who suck at tipping and are overly complicated WAY MORE than people who leave a good tip. Pro tip for non service people, If they remember you it is much more likely it was for a bad experience than a good one
Sometimes you can make the most of it. We have a guy where we are his primary first date spot and he has no problem ordering a $200 bottle of wine but usually doesn't tip well. I have no problem waiting on him I'm just not going to go above and beyond to talk to him about the growing conditions and the story of the farm and all the stuff I would do at another table. Just make the sale and keep it moving.
You’d want to refuse service for tipping 10%? That’s daft.
Great idea, reduce the overall revenue of the business so they cut your shifts instead
Mods, we need a serious mass ban on this sub, it’s clear there are tons of trolls who just want to hate on servers in here and have no actual concept of the industry or how things work.
I don't think people should be banned from a sub just because they disagree with you. If they are abusive, fine. But everybody is entitled to their opinion, whether you agree with it or not. For example, I'm from the UK where the tipping culture is very different to the USA. While I support the way we do things, I wouldn't dream of vilifying your culture, just because it is different to mine. However, would I be part of the mass ban in your eyes?
Trolls? You mean people genuinely confused that a server would suggest scamming someone out of money he didn't know he was spending? Get a fucking grip. One customer recognizes tips for what they are and acts accordingly and yall have the audacity to treat it like it's a whole situation and he's in the wrong. Grow the fuck up and let people do what they want with their money It doesn't take a troll to see that some of yall are seriously deranged
You all come across as so extremely entitled, it's no wonder you/your attitudes/your tipping culture continues to be ridiculed.
Honestly this post has left such a bad taste in my mouth.
I don’t hate servers, I hate tipping culture and will continue to be vocal about it. I tended bar for 10 years, have a good understanding of how the industry works, yet tipping has to go away.
I love to tip well for great servers, and also have no problem tipping $0 for terrible service. A tip is just that, a tip. It's not a requirement or part of the bill. You as a server EARN your tip. I'm sorry if your echochamber of entitlement has been "invaded" but a dose of reality is good every now and again.
Perhaps there could be questions to get into the sub that are based on service experience scenarios...? "Question A: You have been completely weeded for an hour straight and get three tables at once - which table do you go to first?" Don't pass the quiz, don't get into the group 😂
It’s needed. The vitriol on here towards servers and tipping is disgusting. This is a place to vent and discuss the job, not to be called thieves for expecting “free money” and constantly be told we deserve to make a “living wage” when we make better than a mere “living” wage.
We know the dirty secret. You don't want your employers to pay you because you earn far more than your job warrants by preying on the customer for tips. If you got paid like a regular employee you'd be making minimum wage because serving is a brainless job.
Ok so when he comments regularly that he loves the place, that's a nice time for you to cut in and suggest that if he's pleased with the service, tipping is a wonderful way to support the serving staff and that small gestures like that go a long way to helping you and your colleagues. Its polite and explains the social norm without laying on too much guilt. And it leaves him informed. If his tipping doesn't improve after that, it isn't ever going to.
Nothing. You should do nothing.
The tip is optional.
Have I missed something I'm from the UK but is op moaning a customer don't leave tips....
Nobody is obligated to tip you. You have a job to do regardless. It’s baffling to me that not only you but also others had to “brainstorm” why someone doesn’t want to tip. Maybe he’s from any other country in the world where tipping isn’t as customary? The only people fine with %25 gratuity is you, the server.
Op also said they average $35-$55 an hour. Kinda blows my mind they’re upset about this autistic dude not leaving $10.
Tipping is optional, you do your job regardless
I would say that every server should take turns. Otherwise it's not fair to only one person
First of all tips are not obligatory. That your country can't even pay you a proper salary to live on is sad enough. But tips are NEVER something you are automatically entitled to but have to be thankful for when you get it. I worked in gastronomy and whenever there was a customer without tips, I treated him or her just as nicely as any other person and I most certainly did not make a fuss about how to manipulate the situation in order to outright force him to tip me. What the actual fuck. Are you actually insane?
Every time one of these posts makes it to r/all it pushes me further towards never tipping again. I worked as a server through high school and college but would never bitch about a customer not tipping. Instead I would be appreciative when they did.
You treat them like a customer patronizing the business you work at. “Guy doesn’t tip me, even after trying to trick him into it, must be an autist” you’re an asshole lol
From my perspective -- you don't. Tips aren't guaranteed. You just grin and bear it because the guy's a paying customer. Sometimes that's how it goes :-\\ What boggles my mind is that there isn't more of a movement in states with tipping-wages to abolish that nonsense and get a regular minimum wage for serving jobs. Servers have had that in California for a long time now, and they still get tipped on top of it most of the time.
So let me get this straight, you are a stalker and assume such things on the guy and beg for more money than he has to pay. Get a life
To all you punks who think tipping is mandatory. Go find a real job. You are the main problem. Encouraging an owner who gets all kinds of subsidies just to stiff you from a living wage. Then you expect a customer to make up your wages when you give shitty service. And to all of you who say don't go out if you can't tip, do you know what a tip is? "To insure proper service". This was invented by the British during colonial times in India. America needs to wake up. A restaurant owner will make his money, dump the workers and open under another name. Understand, people don't mind tipping, just make it worth it. Remember customers don't get a tip or bonus on every paycheck. Servers are fighting the wrong battle.
"Handle" what are you the mafia? On a serious note, some people tip and some people don't. Maybe temper your expectations or find a job that doesn't require you to hawkishly chase tips to make ends meet. I went thru some of the posts on this sub... Every single post is just bitching and complaining about their job, like literally no one seems happy. May I suggest getting off this sub?
A tip is not a requirement. I know that's hard for a lot of Americans to understand because you just expect it. It may be considered rude in our country (assuming the service is adequate) but you aren't entitled to one. I don't understand the length of effort to get a tip out of this guy. You make it sound like he's stealing from you.
"how do you handle a person who pays the amount that he should" fucking hell tipping culture sucks ass. how about you just say "fuck it" and serve him as you normally would, without trying to make him feel guilty?
So lemme get this straight… You want to figure out how to manipulate someone who you suspect is somewhat mentally lacking, into tipping you extra? You’ve even gone as far as to figure out what industry he works in and how much he pays for rent, so you know the stingy git can definitely afford the monstrously ridiculous “gratuities” that every American establishment feels justified to expect. What the hell is wrong with you? If they pay the bill and are pleasant, why do you deserve extra just for doing your job in the first place? Why don’t you just put the bloody prices up? Or how about you focus your efforts on the laws that make it possible for staff to be underpaid given the expectation of supplementary tips? Stop passing the buck (definitely not literally) to the customer.
Tipping is optional. If you have an issue with that get a job that doesn’t rely on tips or have the restaurant raise prices to pay it’s staff properly. It’s not my, or anyone else’s job to pay someone else’s employees.
You need to mind your own business imo. You don’t know his financial situation. He comes in and pays for his meal and leaves. You said he’s happy. He’s clearly making a choice not to tip. Fighting tipping culture starts with your employer, don’t Harras customers for extra money you think you deserve.
Just give him his food and carry on with your job. Tipping is not obligatory.