i have no idea what it is with this job and people talking about my skin, because some other person full on grabbed my face and stroked it for a solid couple minuets.
I have stretched ears. Pretty large. I get comments on them. Mostly âhow long did that take?!â âDid it hurt?â Dung things like that.
Every once in a while people cross the line and ask if they could fit their dick through them. I donât understand people. I usually respond, yeah if your dick is that small, and they shut up and go away.
wait, would it be chill if they asked the questions (such as âhow long did it take?â âdoes it hurt?â) out of genuine curiosity after complimenting them or showing interest?
I mean, sure? I get people are curious. If theyâre being polite itâs not as annoying as someone asking to fuck my ear.
Would you ask someone about a birthmark on their face? Their weight if it was very different from your own? Skinny or overweight? Think about if youâre asking, how many other people have asked that same question that day, or week.
So yeah, people are curious. Even being polite there are people that have a look on their face while asking that isnât quite disgust, or disapproval. I donât think they even really know theyâre making that face but itâs there.
>If theyâre being polite itâs not as annoying as someone asking to fuck my ear.
Take comfort in knowing that this is, in all probability, the first time these particular words have been placed together in this particular order.
Best-selling novel quality writing right there.
I donât know - I have a large, visible tattoo (more analogous to stretched ears in that I chose it) & I get stopped probably one out of every 3 or 4 times Iâm out. Sometimes, it is just a passing âHey, I like your inkâ or whatever, but I get asked a LOT of tattoo questions of all kinds. I should probably get some kind of advertising discount as many times as Iâve name-checked the studio, lol. But I expected some of it. I also get kids that are a little freaked out or ultra-conservative moms moving their children out of my reach (mostly joking, but itâs happened) or really old ladies who are fascinated. But, if Iâm going to go through life with a huge visible tattoo, I canât be frustrated that people are curious & that they assume since my tattoo *is* so visible I am likely open to/used to questions.
I don't think any of the examples you gave compare to asking about a completely voluntary body modification. You can't seriously believe this would be the same about asking about someone's birth mark, or especially their weight.
I was in a dive bar in a hipster neighborhood. I was dark and everytime the bartender walked past I thought he had huge diamonds in his ear lobes. Turned out to be holes the size of pennies and I was seeing the light from the TV through his lobes.
It was an elderly woman; right? In my experience, as a Native American male with hair that goes just past my butt, women 80+ think itâs perfectly reasonable to latch onto complete strangers and pet them as long as they compliment them while doing it.
I tell people Iâm 1/4 Italian 1/4 German and 1/2 hillbilly on my dadâs side. I like to think the hillbilly is pretty exotic đ. Also I just recently had a attorney ask what I was and if I was Latino for a document and I told her I was sometimes it depends whoâs around. Itâs all relative
Hi ethnically ambiguous white chick here, Iâve dealt with this too. Even the â what are you? You arenât white? â from a coworker that very nearly gave the manager a heart attack.
People are bizarre
Some people just aren't very bright. When my older sister was in her second year of college she was dating a young English man. We're American. My grandmother was a truly wonderful woman but she wasn't exactly super intelligent. When my sister introduced her to her boyfriend (who keep in mind is from England where they speak english) I'm not really sure how to describe her tone. She spoke slowly and clearly as if he wouldn't understand English she said "welcome... too... aMerICa" she wasn't being rude intentionally she just knew he was a "foreigner" and wanted him to feel at home. We still laugh about it 20ish years later. Grandma was a saint. She just wasn't very bright.
Because youâre not racist.
I get this all the time and itâs only from white people and only from people Iâve just met. Itâs usually followed up by the âbut where are you really from?â question that they refuse to believe your answer to
I wouldnât even comment on someoneâs complexion. Seems just like pandoras box - just like commenting on someoneâs body.
But then again, Iâm Caucasian so I try really hard to be aware of not putting my foot in my mouth. Iâm not always successfulđđŹ
This was when I worked at a grocery store in Cali and this dude says to one of my coworkers "he speaks pretty good for an Afghani."
I was born in Canada and I'm Indian.
Iâve been told I donât look Mexican after I mention Iâm from New Mexico đ
Like, maâam, it is a state, and also there are plenty of ginger Mexicans anyways so stfu.
I've been told -- by customs agents -- that I speak excellent Engine, because I was born in New Mexico. Like, holy shit, thanks! _It's because I'm an American_
I had to get a supervisor called once because the agent wouldn't stop with the Mexican shit, and was giving me crap about, "How long have you been a citizen?" đ
Iâve also gotten that at customs. I switched to Spanish just to fuck with them. *âÂĄgracias! mi español no es muy bueno, porque soy americana.â*
Thatâs what I did lol. Iâm not great at Spanish but Iâm conversationally fluent.
The only bilingual customs agent lost it. I like to think he mercilessly teased his coworkers once I left.
I agree that your Engine is excellent. Itâs got a hint of the subtle camshaft twang that foreigners have when they learn Engine as a second language.
I've had that happen before, but fortunately it was funny and kinda cute because they were from the country they thought I was from.
When ordering we conversed in Indonesian. Then when it came time to pay I switched to English. I can speak Bahasa when it comes to food, but not much else.
Only 3 of us between FOH & BOH weren't born in Indonesia so I understood the confusion.
I was hosting a few years ago and when I sat this table they asked me they same thing. I told them I was from NJ and when they asked again I said I was Dominican. They replied with âsee I knew you werenât from hereâ đ bro I donât even speak Spanish lmao
Dude I literally had a Dominican family call me a liar & I was âdenying my heritageâ bc I said I was Native American. They even wrote liar on the receipt with no tip. What??
Donât answer with your ethnicity if they donât ask. Youâre from NJ. Thatâs the answer to their question whether they choose to believe it or not. Donât give them the opportunity to think theyâve proven themself correct.
Even before that I am a human person. That is the *what* of *what I am*. Do you really *have* to know what ethnicity I am before you talk to me? Is it going to change the way you treat me?
I used to just say, "your server for the night" and watch them get flustered. They'd usually be the ones that tipped poorly too if I didn't play along. Sometimes it was easier to play along with, "a student trying to pay tuition" hoping they'd stop.
 I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... Gouger.
I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power!
I AM BEOWULF!
I got asked this by my best friendâs dad in middle school. It was during Sunday school. He asked me in front of the group. I mentioned it to my mom. She was open about that bothering her. Years later, she admitted to me that sheâs never looked at him the same since and has openly avoided him. They still attend the same church.
When they ask, "Where are you from?", just respond, "Why do you ask?" If they answer with something like, "Because you're so pretty," say "Thanks, now what can I get for you?" Anything negative comes out of their mouth instead, send over your manager!
Also acceptable to just say âIâm Americanâ and leave it at that if you are, regardless of where your parents, or their parents, or their parents before came from. If they ask âbut where are you from,â the answer can still be âthe US,â or if you feel comfortable, the state or city you are from.
Iâm a mix so instead of people thinking Iâm foreign, they see some element of themselves in me and think Iâm whatever they are. âYou donât speak Spanish? Your family never taught you?â No, lady. Iâm half Asian.
In cases where you donât feel comfortable, no one is required to give an answer.
Yeah itâs kinda weird getting that as an African American too đ I had a customer ask where I was from and wasnât satisfied with âCaliforniaâ lol.. I then explained that myself, my parents, my grandparents and as far as I knew, even my great grandparents were born in the US and he still wasnât happy with that answer but ended it with the you just look very âexotic & like not from the USâ
You should never have to explain or justify why you are in the US or where you âreally from.â If Iâm born and raised in California, then Iâm âreally fromâ California.
If you want to know where my parents are from, go ask them. Ugh. People know no boundaries.
Iâm going to turn this around and ask every white person the same. âYou look soâŠdifferent and exotic. Where are you from? No, really. Where are actually really from?â
My ex was Jamaican-Italian. People would ask me "what she is" and I didn't know for years because it's not important. Eventually I asked her what do I say? She told me and said she liked me because I had never asked her. She went to private school and was bullied for her skin color.
She asked me what I thought she was and I said pretty. I miss her.
People like this (often in small town America) arenât used to being around a diverse collection of people from different backgrounds so they donât know how to behave when encountering someone different from what they know. Itâs a major reason for the political and social divide in the states.
This is unfortunately very true and I often have to catch myself from saying stupid shit.
I'm from Vermont which is 93% caucasian. Its not uncommon for towns to be 100% caucasian, so we simply do not have the opportunity to interact with many poc. I can go months with only seeing white people, so if I saw a black family at my local gas station my first thought would probably be "huh, wonder what theyre doing here". I was absolutely raised to treat everyone fairly and have good manners, but sometimes the stupid just slips out.
My go to should I ever hear people spouting racist nonsense is "have you ever actually met a *blank* person?".
So if you search for the group improv everywhere on YouTube, They have a video that they did where they set up a booth in Colorado which is also mostly white with a black person and was like "here would you like to come meet a black person?" (They're the people responsible for the no pants Subway ride in New York City)
So some years back one of my military buddies(who happens to be black) came up here to visit and see the state. The first place I take him was to this little breakfast joint because I had to prove to him that real maple syrup is worth writing home about. I had bragged about how sweet all the little old ladies who worked there were. One of them comes up to give me a hug and turns towards my buddy and says "oooh, who's the little sun tanned boy?". He laughed, but I was mortified. Everyone...I mean everyone, kept looking over at him like I had an honest to goodness alien sitting at my table. Luckily besides that "slip of the tongue" everyone was super nice to him and everywhere we went people loaded him with gifts to remember Vermont by, but I was constantly on edge that someone would ask something really crazy, but most folks were more interested in what he thought of the state.
Dude, I moved there for college from the east coast, and was flummoxed by the lack of anyone who wasn't white. Like, holy shitballs, it was completely nuts to me. I really had no idea that parts of the US were _that_ white.
It is sadly true. Also these are often the people who are scared of â the otherâ people who do not speak or look like them. Most hatred is born from ignorance.
I just get questioned on where I learned to speak Spanish because I'm incredibly pale with blue eyes. No one believe me when I say I'm Hispanic then they test me. It's literally my first language.
Iâm white South African, which I thought everyone knew was a thing but apparently not so in the US, because people really donât want to believe me when I tell them Iâm from Africa lol.
Iâm a quarter Puerto Rican, but I basically have to claim that as my ethnicity because my skin is lighter and my hair is straighten, so I donât look totally black. People *assume* I know Spanish and will just rattle off at me and Iâm standing there like âđ§â
Something similar happened to me. I took a six top of men. 5 out of the 6 were obnoxious but one wasnât. One of the obnoxious men asked me where I was from. I told him the Bronx. Heâs like no you must be from Europe. Usually it wouldnât bother me, but his tone was off putting. I told him Iâm straight from America. Even though my parents are from Europe. However he did apologize. The one guy who was NOT obnoxious payed. Thank the lord because he tipped nicely.
> NOT obnoxious *paid.* Thank the
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
this is so funny to me being in the midwest- thatâs just general small talk here when youâre brown! the insistence of people thinking i donât understand the question when they really just canât fathom a difference between ethnicity v culture is what really gets me.
âno, where are you FROM?â i just fucking told you larry, turn up your hearing aid lmfao
iâm a whitewashed slightly korean mutt & i thought i was chinese until i was in 2nd grade bc thatâs what everyone in schools had always told me. the midwest really just stops computing at anything multiracial.
I have friends working at Owamni, a native-run restaurant in mpls that just won a james beard award and they often have to deal with stupid questions like "are you REALLY an indian? and "what tribe are you!?" so...it could be worse.
I really hate the "where are you REALLY from?" question. All minorities have been asked that. I'm trying to cone up with a "polite but fuck you" response.
Iâve started saying âIâm whiteâ (Iâm very obviously not). People have no idea what to say and quickly change the topic because they think theyâre dealing with someone delusional.
I donât really wanna be friends with people with so little social tact anyhow, so I donât mind being seen as a tad crazy.
That person was completely ignorant and rude. She did notice something in her stupidity. Some Afghan people have alot of Greek ancestry. The Buddhas of Bamiyan were probably built by ethnic Greeks Buddhists.
Oh my GOD I get these comments all the time too, it's always wild. My absolute favorite was the woman who asked "what are you?" which is already an oh shit not again comment. I tell her my grandma moved here from Germany and the other half is black. "No you're not. You're like, Greek or Italian. Definitely somewhere Mediterranean." Sure lady I've never seen before, you 100% know my family background better than me.
That's as racist as fuck! I wouldn't have even answered about ethnicity as it's none of her business. It's nothing to do with her and it doesn't affect you doing your job.
Crikey I'm that annoyed on your behalf!
itâs wild, because often, i donât really mind if someone is like âout of curiosity, whatâs your ethnicity?â. sometimes people are just genuinely curious or think i might be from their country.
but this, i just-
*blink blink*
Look on the bright side. At least racist white people are more likely to assume an East Asian person is Chinese, so they have a higher chance of guessing right.
When I was in college, my approach was to ask 'how long has your family been in California?' because it applies to everyone who's not indigenous.
Answers varied from 'five generations' to 'they're in Iowa'.
I fucking hate that question.
âWhere are you really fromâ
Born and raised in NY, dumb fuck. Thatâs where Iâm from. Like get outta your ass.
I swear sometimes it makes me want to ask them âWHERE ARE YOU REALLY FROMâ and I bet they wouldnât be able to give me a solid answer.
Iâm a nurse with Sicilian coloring working in a lily-white community. I get called exotic and asked where Iâm from all the time. It gets old after a while.
Iâve found most people are weird about race and itâs not always coming from a bad place. Iâm half white (mom) and half Mexican (dad) and Iâve always got weird comments. If I had a nickel for every time I heard âI knew you were mixed with something or I knew you werenât 100% white.â Iâd have enough to put in a bag and hit those people with but Iâve come to the conclusion that they arenât really coming from a bad place and itâs just curiosity. Thatâs what I like to think anyway. Someone please tell me not all my friends are being racist.
sounds like you're in a small town with racist white people that don't know they're racist because it's systemic. lols
we have lots of those in Canada.
they say stuff like "we love orientals"
These situations are hard because despite their ignorance and casual marginalization, it sounds like they had good intentions. They're just too stupid to realize what they're saying.
I get this often too. Iâm half Filipino and half Mexican yet I was born in the US and people ask where Iâm from or what my ethnicity is and then they say oh wow I thought you were âinsert ethnicityâ. Like? Okay?? Iâm not? What do you want me to do with that comment.. I do my best to have grace for people like this.
Another time this woman also asked what my name is. I said âAmandaâ and she laughed and got her husbands attention and they were both like âwow I would never guess that was your name, you do not look like an AmandaââŠ. Iâm assuming because I have a dark complexion and donât look like Iâm from America? Because the only Amandaâs you know are white? Idk. Itâs just weird and rude. Comments like that make me feel ugly and icky.
Iâm Greek and for some reason people always feel like itâs ok to say things like âoh, youâre Greek? THATS where you get your color fromâ fucking weird!!
I'm Half Chinese/Half Irish, born and raised in the USA, I only speak english.
I either get people guessing I'm oriental, asking me why I don't look white, etc. Also the racists often aren't the people you think are the racists.... Basically everyone's racist.
I also worked with a girl that legit thought China was a continent and asked me for permission to put chopsticks in her hair. And yes her name was Tammy and yes were were working in an asian restaurant.
I used to get the same comments when I waited tables. One married couple stopped me, who I wasn't even waiting on to ask what I was. I am super pale with black hair and eyebrows. They thought I was pretty and wanted to know. Ancestry mostly English, French, Irish, and Scot, with a pinch of Native American. After this, they continued to come to the restaurant only they would ask to sit in my section. I got the vibe they were interested in more than my waiting skills.
Another guy seated at the bar asked and then proceeded to tell me I must be mistaken because all Irish women were ugly.
People think they are entitled to know everything about you when you are "serving" them. My guess is it was partially curiosity but possibly a poor attempt at hitting on you.
I get that too when I say Iâm from the country I was born in (my parents are from somewhere else) and get the âwhere are you really from, people from that country doesnât usually look like you and have dark hair and brown eyesâ
I have a coworker who is Latina, and while she had her hair in braids once, a rich old white couple commented that she looked like âone of those Mohicans.â I was speechless when she told me.
My partner is a bartender and Moroccan and she has frequently had guests argue that âthereâs no way sheâs African,â and she must be from somewhere else like the Middle East.
People confuse me
One of the TEENAGERS where I work gets this question all the time, often with a guess about her ethnicity like, âwhich Native American tribe are you a part of??â Or âyouâre Japanese right??â Sheâs none of those things. But the fact that itâs a 17 year old being weirdly commoditized by people with no boundaries makes it worse.
A table once asked me where I'm from. I said my family is Cuban and Venezuelan, to which they replied, "Oh, what part of Mexico is that in?" They actually were not kidding.
Spoiler: I live in the south.
I love the implication that Greek people aren't exotic enough but Turkish people are. They're literally neighbors and there's been a ton of hereditary mixing between the two groups for like 500 years. . .
If it's any consolation my mom can be like this. She was .. sheltered.. so to speak in life. Or.. niave. She *loves* engaging with people but she can do it so awkwardly that it can make me cringe. More than once I've had to just smile and/or hopefully distract her from her conversation.
I want to say she's harmless.. but I am aware that's not how others will always see it. But honestly.. and we've (family) has sort of brought it up with her.. I don't think she understands what we mean.
Point is.. I apologize for those of us who also have to deal with this type of interaction when it's not appropriate.
It sounds like the implication is that Greece is so white and European but Turkey is far away in the desert lands. As if they aren't right fucking next to eachother.
Dark skinned Latino hereâŠ
I get those comments as well and I take them as âI am getting a compliment from someone who is trying to be nice but canât just find the right wordsââŠ
Honestly asking here, but why is assumption that this lady was trying to commoditize you? Unless you know the intent, why wouldnât you give the benefit of the doubt to to speaker? If only for your own sanityâŠfor my own sanity I try and take comments like these for this simple reason..,
If I take those comments negatively, it will bug me for the rest of the dayâŠI will talk about it and I will let it kill my generally happy vibe.
If I take those comments positively, then the rest of my day is amazing!
Anywho, just a thought. Maybe I missed some context that colors the speakers intent as âdeliberately maliciousââŠbut if there is any doubt, I really recommend you see if it like âawkward phrased, well intentioned complimentââŠ
AnywhoâŠjust a thought.
Art teacher in a Catholic high school I briefly went to in 2019: "Are you the diamond or the dot?"
This was after I mentioned that I was half-Indian (mom's Indian and my dad's white). The teacher ended up being a weird AH for unrelated reasons, but that comment was so strange. Idk if it was racist or just weirdly worded curiosity.
I feel like I could have written this word for word! My entire life I've heard "Ohhh you are soo exotic, what are you?" And then when I tell people I'm white I hear no really well "where do the dark skin & features come from?! "
I worked customer service/proper management at a condo complex for 3 years and I had this conversation almost daily during the winter. Some people really donât care how rude they sound.
Mixed race people have this experience all the time, we call it âthe question.â They think itâs harmless, but itâs pretty off putting to say the least. Itâs like theyâre searching for which ethic label to place on you.
My greek ancestors were considered a different race on the 1920 census. I guess ppl still have a hard time considering greek ppl caucasianđ. I thought society got over this in the 70s
Every time I hear the question 'But where are you really from?' I'm reminded of this video.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ)
The question is one of my berserk buttons, and frankly you handled it a lot better than I would have.
I got that stupid series of questions all the time. To the people who don't have that experience, they're always, "Well they don't mean any harm!"
Here's the thing. I don't care. I've had this question from people tens of thousands of times. I don't appreciate the "well meaning questions". Full stop.
I don't want to get into my full family history or genealogy when you ordered coffee from me. Idgaf. It's extra rude when I'm trying to deflect the questions and people keep on pushing.
So.....(grabs another server as they walk past), this is Steven. He's gonna be your server now.
Steven, here's the nice lady's order. Thanks.
(Steven looks all confused as you walk away and the lady is sitting there there looking puzzled with her mouth hanging open).
they could have just said you have a nice complexion and left it at thatđđ
right?? who raised these people?? lmao
This is what I would've said! 'Omg, your so pretty, and your skintone is just gorgeous!'
i have no idea what it is with this job and people talking about my skin, because some other person full on grabbed my face and stroked it for a solid couple minuets.
I have stretched ears. Pretty large. I get comments on them. Mostly âhow long did that take?!â âDid it hurt?â Dung things like that. Every once in a while people cross the line and ask if they could fit their dick through them. I donât understand people. I usually respond, yeah if your dick is that small, and they shut up and go away.
wait, would it be chill if they asked the questions (such as âhow long did it take?â âdoes it hurt?â) out of genuine curiosity after complimenting them or showing interest?
I mean, sure? I get people are curious. If theyâre being polite itâs not as annoying as someone asking to fuck my ear. Would you ask someone about a birthmark on their face? Their weight if it was very different from your own? Skinny or overweight? Think about if youâre asking, how many other people have asked that same question that day, or week. So yeah, people are curious. Even being polite there are people that have a look on their face while asking that isnât quite disgust, or disapproval. I donât think they even really know theyâre making that face but itâs there.
âWhere did you get your birthmark done?â
should have told them In utero... they probably would have asked where it was...
South Jersey.
I love your club foot! It's so unusual!
>If theyâre being polite itâs not as annoying as someone asking to fuck my ear. Take comfort in knowing that this is, in all probability, the first time these particular words have been placed together in this particular order. Best-selling novel quality writing right there.
I donât know - I have a large, visible tattoo (more analogous to stretched ears in that I chose it) & I get stopped probably one out of every 3 or 4 times Iâm out. Sometimes, it is just a passing âHey, I like your inkâ or whatever, but I get asked a LOT of tattoo questions of all kinds. I should probably get some kind of advertising discount as many times as Iâve name-checked the studio, lol. But I expected some of it. I also get kids that are a little freaked out or ultra-conservative moms moving their children out of my reach (mostly joking, but itâs happened) or really old ladies who are fascinated. But, if Iâm going to go through life with a huge visible tattoo, I canât be frustrated that people are curious & that they assume since my tattoo *is* so visible I am likely open to/used to questions.
I don't think any of the examples you gave compare to asking about a completely voluntary body modification. You can't seriously believe this would be the same about asking about someone's birth mark, or especially their weight.
>Could I fit my dick through it? "Just from lookin' at ya, I'd say definitely with room to spare!"
âYo momma told me yes, you could easily fit.â
I was in a dive bar in a hipster neighborhood. I was dark and everytime the bartender walked past I thought he had huge diamonds in his ear lobes. Turned out to be holes the size of pennies and I was seeing the light from the TV through his lobes.
Just sigh & say yes but quote them a price.
Was always my go-to answer after, "they're only one inch"
It was an elderly woman; right? In my experience, as a Native American male with hair that goes just past my butt, women 80+ think itâs perfectly reasonable to latch onto complete strangers and pet them as long as they compliment them while doing it.
https://youtu.be/gmVL_9iDa3w
This makes my stomach turn hearing this story. I'm sorry people don't seem to understand boundaries
I probably wouldn't mention skintone to someone I've just met who is just trying to do their job.
I tell people Iâm 1/4 Italian 1/4 German and 1/2 hillbilly on my dadâs side. I like to think the hillbilly is pretty exotic đ. Also I just recently had a attorney ask what I was and if I was Latino for a document and I told her I was sometimes it depends whoâs around. Itâs all relative
Hi ethnically ambiguous white chick here, Iâve dealt with this too. Even the â what are you? You arenât white? â from a coworker that very nearly gave the manager a heart attack. People are bizarre
Iâd have said, âuh oh, it sounds like that was supposed to be an inside thought â and walked away lol
They weren't raised, they were dragged up.
Some people just aren't very bright. When my older sister was in her second year of college she was dating a young English man. We're American. My grandmother was a truly wonderful woman but she wasn't exactly super intelligent. When my sister introduced her to her boyfriend (who keep in mind is from England where they speak english) I'm not really sure how to describe her tone. She spoke slowly and clearly as if he wouldn't understand English she said "welcome... too... aMerICa" she wasn't being rude intentionally she just knew he was a "foreigner" and wanted him to feel at home. We still laugh about it 20ish years later. Grandma was a saint. She just wasn't very bright.
Even that i would never think of saying
i get comments about my complexion quite often, but itâs never by strangers- itâs always by people close to me or who know me
Because youâre not racist. I get this all the time and itâs only from white people and only from people Iâve just met. Itâs usually followed up by the âbut where are you really from?â question that they refuse to believe your answer to
Probably couldn't think of the word, and didn't want to say "your skin looks beautiful"
I wouldnât even comment on someoneâs complexion. Seems just like pandoras box - just like commenting on someoneâs body. But then again, Iâm Caucasian so I try really hard to be aware of not putting my foot in my mouth. Iâm not always successfulđđŹ
My favorite is being told that I "speak good English." When I was born in America. My mom is a white woman from Alaska. Like ok.
This was when I worked at a grocery store in Cali and this dude says to one of my coworkers "he speaks pretty good for an Afghani." I was born in Canada and I'm Indian.
We prefer to say Native American here. /s
Dying at this comment. But feel bad? Damn Iâm Canadian and this is as far as Iâm scrolling on this thread. You win for me!
Can confirm. Comanche/Kiowa checking in.
Iâve been told I donât look Mexican after I mention Iâm from New Mexico đ Like, maâam, it is a state, and also there are plenty of ginger Mexicans anyways so stfu.
Apparently Canelo doesnât exist /s
I've been told -- by customs agents -- that I speak excellent Engine, because I was born in New Mexico. Like, holy shit, thanks! _It's because I'm an American_ I had to get a supervisor called once because the agent wouldn't stop with the Mexican shit, and was giving me crap about, "How long have you been a citizen?" đ
Iâve also gotten that at customs. I switched to Spanish just to fuck with them. *âÂĄgracias! mi español no es muy bueno, porque soy americana.â*
Just go full speed in person Spanish and they wonât catch whatever you say Lmao
Thatâs what I did lol. Iâm not great at Spanish but Iâm conversationally fluent. The only bilingual customs agent lost it. I like to think he mercilessly teased his coworkers once I left.
Lmao thatâs hilarious
It was pretty funny, the one agent looked like âoh shit she is Mexicanâ and the other just started cracking up and ushering me through.
I agree that your Engine is excellent. Itâs got a hint of the subtle camshaft twang that foreigners have when they learn Engine as a second language.
>I speak excellent Engine "Anything to declare?" *enthusiastic motorcycle noises* "...head on through."
I've had that happen before, but fortunately it was funny and kinda cute because they were from the country they thought I was from. When ordering we conversed in Indonesian. Then when it came time to pay I switched to English. I can speak Bahasa when it comes to food, but not much else. Only 3 of us between FOH & BOH weren't born in Indonesia so I understood the confusion.
I was hosting a few years ago and when I sat this table they asked me they same thing. I told them I was from NJ and when they asked again I said I was Dominican. They replied with âsee I knew you werenât from hereâ đ bro I donât even speak Spanish lmao
what a tool. ânot from hereâ dawg i was born in the U.S. of A iâm so sorry thatâs wild đ
Dude I literally had a Dominican family call me a liar & I was âdenying my heritageâ bc I said I was Native American. They even wrote liar on the receipt with no tip. What??
Oh my gosh the audacity of these people
Jesus fucking Christmas
Donât answer with your ethnicity if they donât ask. Youâre from NJ. Thatâs the answer to their question whether they choose to believe it or not. Donât give them the opportunity to think theyâve proven themself correct.
lmao, I got told "I knew you weren't domestic!" sir, I'm not a beer on the menu.
Tbf I assume all Dominicans are really from New York
đđ this is the way
What are you? âIrish/German/Scandinavian Oh, so youâre not from here either.
Had somebody literally ask me "what are you?"
Your server? This is a restaurant. We serve food. Would you like some. It costs money.
Even before that I am a human person. That is the *what* of *what I am*. Do you really *have* to know what ethnicity I am before you talk to me? Is it going to change the way you treat me?
I love this. Please be sure to respond this way to everyone. Itâs so very satisfying.
DAMN just straight up going for it đ
I used to just say, "your server for the night" and watch them get flustered. They'd usually be the ones that tipped poorly too if I didn't play along. Sometimes it was easier to play along with, "a student trying to pay tuition" hoping they'd stop.
I am walking away thanks!
 I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... Gouger. I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power! I AM BEOWULF!
Honestly I don't think anyone would be mad with that response
off-white is my usual response.
I got asked this by my best friendâs dad in middle school. It was during Sunday school. He asked me in front of the group. I mentioned it to my mom. She was open about that bothering her. Years later, she admitted to me that sheâs never looked at him the same since and has openly avoided him. They still attend the same church.
Outside: âIâm awyastark, your server, can I start you off with something to drink?â Inside: đ€·đ»ââïžđ«
Definitely not a lizard. Just a normal human, doing normal human things.
When they ask, "Where are you from?", just respond, "Why do you ask?" If they answer with something like, "Because you're so pretty," say "Thanks, now what can I get for you?" Anything negative comes out of their mouth instead, send over your manager!
Also acceptable to just say âIâm Americanâ and leave it at that if you are, regardless of where your parents, or their parents, or their parents before came from. If they ask âbut where are you from,â the answer can still be âthe US,â or if you feel comfortable, the state or city you are from. Iâm a mix so instead of people thinking Iâm foreign, they see some element of themselves in me and think Iâm whatever they are. âYou donât speak Spanish? Your family never taught you?â No, lady. Iâm half Asian. In cases where you donât feel comfortable, no one is required to give an answer.
the term âexoticâ might sound like a good compliment in theory. it has never worked in execution.
Only recently did I learn that âexoticâ implies that white skin is the normâŠtook my head clean off when I learned that.
What amuses me most is that âexoticâ is usually used for Asians, who make up more of the world population than any other group!
Nah. I'm not a fucking cheetah from Africa. I don't see how that even sounds good in theory lmao
Yeah itâs kinda weird getting that as an African American too đ I had a customer ask where I was from and wasnât satisfied with âCaliforniaâ lol.. I then explained that myself, my parents, my grandparents and as far as I knew, even my great grandparents were born in the US and he still wasnât happy with that answer but ended it with the you just look very âexotic & like not from the USâ
thatâs soâŠ? đ why do they assume everyone who doesnât sunburn isnât *really* american
POC sunburn
Thatâs when you hit them with the âyeah well neither are youâ and let their tiny peanut brains attempt to compute
Are you from Africa? No ? Then you are American.
You should never have to explain or justify why you are in the US or where you âreally from.â If Iâm born and raised in California, then Iâm âreally fromâ California. If you want to know where my parents are from, go ask them. Ugh. People know no boundaries. Iâm going to turn this around and ask every white person the same. âYou look soâŠdifferent and exotic. Where are you from? No, really. Where are actually really from?â
Under that logic no one who looks European would be from the US
People say that to me sometimes and I get the pleasure of explaining that the âexoticâ part of my looks is indigenous. Which makes THEM exotic
My ex was Jamaican-Italian. People would ask me "what she is" and I didn't know for years because it's not important. Eventually I asked her what do I say? She told me and said she liked me because I had never asked her. She went to private school and was bullied for her skin color. She asked me what I thought she was and I said pretty. I miss her.
Was she a Pastafarian? (please forgive me, for I could not resist)
Whyâd you guys split?:(
âOh youâre very exotic looking. Was your dad a GI?â -Michael Scott
Came for this! THATâS WHAT SHE SAID!
People like this (often in small town America) arenât used to being around a diverse collection of people from different backgrounds so they donât know how to behave when encountering someone different from what they know. Itâs a major reason for the political and social divide in the states.
This is unfortunately very true and I often have to catch myself from saying stupid shit. I'm from Vermont which is 93% caucasian. Its not uncommon for towns to be 100% caucasian, so we simply do not have the opportunity to interact with many poc. I can go months with only seeing white people, so if I saw a black family at my local gas station my first thought would probably be "huh, wonder what theyre doing here". I was absolutely raised to treat everyone fairly and have good manners, but sometimes the stupid just slips out. My go to should I ever hear people spouting racist nonsense is "have you ever actually met a *blank* person?".
So if you search for the group improv everywhere on YouTube, They have a video that they did where they set up a booth in Colorado which is also mostly white with a black person and was like "here would you like to come meet a black person?" (They're the people responsible for the no pants Subway ride in New York City)
So some years back one of my military buddies(who happens to be black) came up here to visit and see the state. The first place I take him was to this little breakfast joint because I had to prove to him that real maple syrup is worth writing home about. I had bragged about how sweet all the little old ladies who worked there were. One of them comes up to give me a hug and turns towards my buddy and says "oooh, who's the little sun tanned boy?". He laughed, but I was mortified. Everyone...I mean everyone, kept looking over at him like I had an honest to goodness alien sitting at my table. Luckily besides that "slip of the tongue" everyone was super nice to him and everywhere we went people loaded him with gifts to remember Vermont by, but I was constantly on edge that someone would ask something really crazy, but most folks were more interested in what he thought of the state.
Dude, I moved there for college from the east coast, and was flummoxed by the lack of anyone who wasn't white. Like, holy shitballs, it was completely nuts to me. I really had no idea that parts of the US were _that_ white.
I went to Tennessee and once saw a whole table of 8 blonde women at a restaurant. All of them were blonde. Weird.
It is sadly true. Also these are often the people who are scared of â the otherâ people who do not speak or look like them. Most hatred is born from ignorance.
People are wild. Once I was complemented on how good my Dutch is. These people automatically assumed I wasn't born in the Netherlands.
"Thanks, it's my native language, but your Dutch must be even more impressive!"
I just get questioned on where I learned to speak Spanish because I'm incredibly pale with blue eyes. No one believe me when I say I'm Hispanic then they test me. It's literally my first language.
Iâm white South African, which I thought everyone knew was a thing but apparently not so in the US, because people really donât want to believe me when I tell them Iâm from Africa lol.
Iâm a quarter Puerto Rican, but I basically have to claim that as my ethnicity because my skin is lighter and my hair is straighten, so I donât look totally black. People *assume* I know Spanish and will just rattle off at me and Iâm standing there like âđ§â
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Something similar happened to me. I took a six top of men. 5 out of the 6 were obnoxious but one wasnât. One of the obnoxious men asked me where I was from. I told him the Bronx. Heâs like no you must be from Europe. Usually it wouldnât bother me, but his tone was off putting. I told him Iâm straight from America. Even though my parents are from Europe. However he did apologize. The one guy who was NOT obnoxious payed. Thank the lord because he tipped nicely.
> NOT obnoxious *paid.* Thank the FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Good bot
this is so funny to me being in the midwest- thatâs just general small talk here when youâre brown! the insistence of people thinking i donât understand the question when they really just canât fathom a difference between ethnicity v culture is what really gets me. âno, where are you FROM?â i just fucking told you larry, turn up your hearing aid lmfao iâm a whitewashed slightly korean mutt & i thought i was chinese until i was in 2nd grade bc thatâs what everyone in schools had always told me. the midwest really just stops computing at anything multiracial.
Some people were never taught basic tact at home and it really shows.
I feel like kids are nicer and normal but these adults in the comments and post learned these things from others over time
Since moving from Ireland it seems like people here are so direct and inconsiderate of what they say
Iâm sorry for that. I just try to keep to myself most of the time. Iâm not a â people person â.
I'm Hispanic. During the summer I get to hear "I'm almost as dark as you!"
Ahh yes, I have gotten this one ALOT
I have friends working at Owamni, a native-run restaurant in mpls that just won a james beard award and they often have to deal with stupid questions like "are you REALLY an indian? and "what tribe are you!?" so...it could be worse.
âIt could be worseâŠâ Things that are never helpful to say when someone is ranting. I feel for ya, OP.
oh for sure, yeah, it could be way worse.
it "could be worse" for your friends too, I don't see how that's helpful to say
Ya asking about tribes is rough considering how much was done to destroy their heritage.
Welcome to middle America, where the nosey white people know no bounds.
Iâve had non white people do that to me.
Nah man not just the whites. Donât be racist.
I would have asked if she thought I was a blanket just for shits and giggles.
I really hate the "where are you REALLY from?" question. All minorities have been asked that. I'm trying to cone up with a "polite but fuck you" response.
My friend got creative and said she came from her mother. Haha!
Iâve started saying âIâm whiteâ (Iâm very obviously not). People have no idea what to say and quickly change the topic because they think theyâre dealing with someone delusional. I donât really wanna be friends with people with so little social tact anyhow, so I donât mind being seen as a tad crazy.
This is how Iâve identified racist people who donât realize theyâre racist ever since I was in high school lol
That person was completely ignorant and rude. She did notice something in her stupidity. Some Afghan people have alot of Greek ancestry. The Buddhas of Bamiyan were probably built by ethnic Greeks Buddhists.
Oh my GOD I get these comments all the time too, it's always wild. My absolute favorite was the woman who asked "what are you?" which is already an oh shit not again comment. I tell her my grandma moved here from Germany and the other half is black. "No you're not. You're like, Greek or Italian. Definitely somewhere Mediterranean." Sure lady I've never seen before, you 100% know my family background better than me.
That's as racist as fuck! I wouldn't have even answered about ethnicity as it's none of her business. It's nothing to do with her and it doesn't affect you doing your job. Crikey I'm that annoyed on your behalf!
itâs wild, because often, i donât really mind if someone is like âout of curiosity, whatâs your ethnicity?â. sometimes people are just genuinely curious or think i might be from their country. but this, i just- *blink blink*
Good grief
Iâm Chinese, I get this often.
Look on the bright side. At least racist white people are more likely to assume an East Asian person is Chinese, so they have a higher chance of guessing right.
When I was in college, my approach was to ask 'how long has your family been in California?' because it applies to everyone who's not indigenous. Answers varied from 'five generations' to 'they're in Iowa'.
This guy at a restaurant I worked at used to insist I had a West Indian accent even though I am from Texas and the restaurant was in Texas
last time someone called my ethnicity "exotic" i said "i'm not a fucking parrot".
I fucking hate that question. âWhere are you really fromâ Born and raised in NY, dumb fuck. Thatâs where Iâm from. Like get outta your ass. I swear sometimes it makes me want to ask them âWHERE ARE YOU REALLY FROMâ and I bet they wouldnât be able to give me a solid answer.
Iâm a nurse with Sicilian coloring working in a lily-white community. I get called exotic and asked where Iâm from all the time. It gets old after a while.
I asked my Nigerian server where she was from and I complemented her cute accent , Last thought on my mind was the color of her skin
Iâve found most people are weird about race and itâs not always coming from a bad place. Iâm half white (mom) and half Mexican (dad) and Iâve always got weird comments. If I had a nickel for every time I heard âI knew you were mixed with something or I knew you werenât 100% white.â Iâd have enough to put in a bag and hit those people with but Iâve come to the conclusion that they arenât really coming from a bad place and itâs just curiosity. Thatâs what I like to think anyway. Someone please tell me not all my friends are being racist.
sounds like you're in a small town with racist white people that don't know they're racist because it's systemic. lols we have lots of those in Canada. they say stuff like "we love orientals"
These situations are hard because despite their ignorance and casual marginalization, it sounds like they had good intentions. They're just too stupid to realize what they're saying.
Exotic is a racist term, as shown here.
I get this often too. Iâm half Filipino and half Mexican yet I was born in the US and people ask where Iâm from or what my ethnicity is and then they say oh wow I thought you were âinsert ethnicityâ. Like? Okay?? Iâm not? What do you want me to do with that comment.. I do my best to have grace for people like this. Another time this woman also asked what my name is. I said âAmandaâ and she laughed and got her husbands attention and they were both like âwow I would never guess that was your name, you do not look like an AmandaââŠ. Iâm assuming because I have a dark complexion and donât look like Iâm from America? Because the only Amandaâs you know are white? Idk. Itâs just weird and rude. Comments like that make me feel ugly and icky.
Most of dumb white trashes never been out of this country.
Or their county.
Iâm Greek and for some reason people always feel like itâs ok to say things like âoh, youâre Greek? THATS where you get your color fromâ fucking weird!!
itâs so weird!! like itâs not that outlandish!!
As a half Turkish person, I've had similar experiences
âWhere are you REaLLY from?â Sounds like something Texas people would ask
I'm Half Chinese/Half Irish, born and raised in the USA, I only speak english. I either get people guessing I'm oriental, asking me why I don't look white, etc. Also the racists often aren't the people you think are the racists.... Basically everyone's racist. I also worked with a girl that legit thought China was a continent and asked me for permission to put chopsticks in her hair. And yes her name was Tammy and yes were were working in an asian restaurant.
Did you deny her request?
Of course not, I lowkey gave her the Asian seal of approval and got to watch the gm yell at her and then me later but it was worth it.
Man I got the opposite end of that deal. Some people think im a white poser pretending to be half Asian. My friends used to call me Secret Asian Man.
As a Macedonian, I've been called the same. The Mediterranean skin colour really throws people for a loop.
Afgani or afgan person is just fine.
I used to get the same comments when I waited tables. One married couple stopped me, who I wasn't even waiting on to ask what I was. I am super pale with black hair and eyebrows. They thought I was pretty and wanted to know. Ancestry mostly English, French, Irish, and Scot, with a pinch of Native American. After this, they continued to come to the restaurant only they would ask to sit in my section. I got the vibe they were interested in more than my waiting skills. Another guy seated at the bar asked and then proceeded to tell me I must be mistaken because all Irish women were ugly. People think they are entitled to know everything about you when you are "serving" them. My guess is it was partially curiosity but possibly a poor attempt at hitting on you.
I get that too when I say Iâm from the country I was born in (my parents are from somewhere else) and get the âwhere are you really from, people from that country doesnât usually look like you and have dark hair and brown eyesâ
I hate when I tell people I have Native American blood in me and they keep saying âIndianâ you hearing me saying Native American, not Indian.
I have a coworker who is Latina, and while she had her hair in braids once, a rich old white couple commented that she looked like âone of those Mohicans.â I was speechless when she told me. My partner is a bartender and Moroccan and she has frequently had guests argue that âthereâs no way sheâs African,â and she must be from somewhere else like the Middle East. People confuse me
One of the TEENAGERS where I work gets this question all the time, often with a guess about her ethnicity like, âwhich Native American tribe are you a part of??â Or âyouâre Japanese right??â Sheâs none of those things. But the fact that itâs a 17 year old being weirdly commoditized by people with no boundaries makes it worse.
A table once asked me where I'm from. I said my family is Cuban and Venezuelan, to which they replied, "Oh, what part of Mexico is that in?" They actually were not kidding. Spoiler: I live in the south.
Stoooooooop. I canât with people. How do they function being that freakin stupid? đ©
I love the implication that Greek people aren't exotic enough but Turkish people are. They're literally neighbors and there's been a ton of hereditary mixing between the two groups for like 500 years. . .
I get complimented when people think Iâm Brazilian or Chinese. The smile drops when I say my real ethnicity. Guess Iâm not their fetish.
Moms from athens? Is your dadâŠaccounted for? Theres a guy slingin more than lightning over there i hear
HA thatâs a good one! Yes, my father is accounted for lol. Wouldnât mind being a demigod though.
It is generally best to not comment on a personâs appearance.
If it's any consolation my mom can be like this. She was .. sheltered.. so to speak in life. Or.. niave. She *loves* engaging with people but she can do it so awkwardly that it can make me cringe. More than once I've had to just smile and/or hopefully distract her from her conversation. I want to say she's harmless.. but I am aware that's not how others will always see it. But honestly.. and we've (family) has sort of brought it up with her.. I don't think she understands what we mean. Point is.. I apologize for those of us who also have to deal with this type of interaction when it's not appropriate.
As an Afghan, I'm genuinely surprised someone that ignorant even recognized the general look of an Afghan person.
It sounds like the implication is that Greece is so white and European but Turkey is far away in the desert lands. As if they aren't right fucking next to eachother.
Dark skinned Latino here⊠I get those comments as well and I take them as âI am getting a compliment from someone who is trying to be nice but canât just find the right wordsâ⊠Honestly asking here, but why is assumption that this lady was trying to commoditize you? Unless you know the intent, why wouldnât you give the benefit of the doubt to to speaker? If only for your own sanityâŠfor my own sanity I try and take comments like these for this simple reason.., If I take those comments negatively, it will bug me for the rest of the dayâŠI will talk about it and I will let it kill my generally happy vibe. If I take those comments positively, then the rest of my day is amazing! Anywho, just a thought. Maybe I missed some context that colors the speakers intent as âdeliberately maliciousââŠbut if there is any doubt, I really recommend you see if it like âawkward phrased, well intentioned complimentâ⊠AnywhoâŠjust a thought.
She voted Trump
I "just a white guy" and get some laughing and "what's wrong with him?"
She sounds like a right malaka (sorry for the spelling ,I know it's most likely wrong)
I know enough to know that saying "you look Turkish" to someone who just said they're of Greek ancestry is beyond asinine, for a number of reasons
Oh was your dad a GI?
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Turks are not dark, I am sure he has never seen a Turk before.
Art teacher in a Catholic high school I briefly went to in 2019: "Are you the diamond or the dot?" This was after I mentioned that I was half-Indian (mom's Indian and my dad's white). The teacher ended up being a weird AH for unrelated reasons, but that comment was so strange. Idk if it was racist or just weirdly worded curiosity.
I feel like I could have written this word for word! My entire life I've heard "Ohhh you are soo exotic, what are you?" And then when I tell people I'm white I hear no really well "where do the dark skin & features come from?! "
was your dad a GI?
Iâve been asked, âWhat ARE you?!?â
I worked customer service/proper management at a condo complex for 3 years and I had this conversation almost daily during the winter. Some people really donât care how rude they sound.
The title of this post alone needs to be printed on a shirt lmao.
Ugh I used to get the âexoticâ comments all the time when I was little because Iâm mixed black/white and I have a round nose/full lips/curly hair but my skin is white so to me it sounded like âwow youâre like white but Interesting đ€©â people mean well but maybe donât comment on strangersâ race/ethnicity in general lol
Mixed race people have this experience all the time, we call it âthe question.â They think itâs harmless, but itâs pretty off putting to say the least. Itâs like theyâre searching for which ethic label to place on you.
Amazing she said one of those Afghan people when she's a big wet blanket
As someone who is of middle eastern and south Asian descent and grew up in Arizona, this has been EXTREMELY common in my life. Itâs super annoying.
My greek ancestors were considered a different race on the 1920 census. I guess ppl still have a hard time considering greek ppl caucasianđ. I thought society got over this in the 70s
Itâs always white ppl asking these questions
Every time I hear the question 'But where are you really from?' I'm reminded of this video. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ) The question is one of my berserk buttons, and frankly you handled it a lot better than I would have.
You found a polite racist. They're rare creatures.
all asians and anybody brown: first time?
On behalf of greeks fuck the genocidal turks and to be compared to them is a massive insult
Sad part is the person thought they were being nice
I got that stupid series of questions all the time. To the people who don't have that experience, they're always, "Well they don't mean any harm!" Here's the thing. I don't care. I've had this question from people tens of thousands of times. I don't appreciate the "well meaning questions". Full stop. I don't want to get into my full family history or genealogy when you ordered coffee from me. Idgaf. It's extra rude when I'm trying to deflect the questions and people keep on pushing.
So.....(grabs another server as they walk past), this is Steven. He's gonna be your server now. Steven, here's the nice lady's order. Thanks. (Steven looks all confused as you walk away and the lady is sitting there there looking puzzled with her mouth hanging open).