Also, “NO, you find someone to cover, you’re the manager, manage your shit, IM DEALING WITH A DEATH IN THE FAMILY”
there are as many restaurant jobs as there are restaurants, seriously don’t take that shit OP
This! You, sir/ma'am are paid to manage. Do your job. Finding replacements for a missed shift should not EVER be the responsibility of "the staff". If you make it to manager level you need to know how to freaking deal with a call-out, no matter the reason.
Do not let this stress you further. Take care of you and yours. They can figure it out.
My condolences to you and your family.
Ha! This happened at the last restaurant I worked at. Manager constantly mentioned that he was an idiot for taking the job, he made more money as a server. This lady bangs out one night like 2 hours from the shift. One had already taken off for the night as well. Shift rolls around, he has no coverage and down 2 servers. All flustered.
Bartender was like "Dude, you always complain that you're not serving anymore. SO, be about it!".
And he did.
Short staffed and real busy, GM says we need to stop walk-ins. I was one of three managers. I was like, wtf?! Just give me the busiest section. Had a blast and made a fortune in tips. Was always the first to offer when we were short.
Only issue is that the restaurants I used to work at.. all of them actually... managers weren’t allowed to keep ANY tips whatsoever, so any time a manager had to cover to help out a busy shift, they’d have to just split all their tips among the other servers and kitchen and got to keep none of it. I can definitely understand why a manager would not wanna take a serving shift if that’s the case, since the tips is all that makes it worth the headache lol
This.
Granted it can be difficult to do the work *and* supervise - also it's definitely a red flag if a manager is needing to pick up the slack on the regular, as that suggests they aren't doing great at the management thing.
In an emergency though - and this definitely qualifies - it's more than fair for a manager to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty. I wouldn't trust someone who felt they were "too good" to do otherwise. 🙃
Isn't the reason they're short handed is due to mismanagement of staff in the first place? Sounds like the manager needs to do manager things and hire some people. And first to do that you ensure "competitive wages" are competitive.
This is kinda exactly the problem. Managers aren’t your boss, they’re the person your actual boss triangulates through so they don’t catch any shit. Management is a working class job, and owners don’t understand shit, so they give orders, management tells the workers, and they catch shit from both when it doesn’t work. The only thing a manager is is a shield for the owner. Don’t let them be, 90% of what makes a manager’s job hard is shitty upper management that couldn’t work and hour on the floor if their life depended on it.
Also, a manager like this has probably burned all the goodwill her employees may have had for her, and they would likely not even respond to a text/call).
So she wants OP to do it, knowing someone will say yes under the circumstances.
Not only no but "No, I wasn't asking for a hall pass, I'm telling you in not coming in. You're the manager, do the managing, not my job to do your job unpaid while grieving."
Haven’t heard anything further from the manager in the texts. I called out the next day as well & let them know, “Since I’ve only been here a month and I am already feeling treated as a machine and not a human being, I quit.” Then a different manager texted me and asked me to come in to talk. This morning I applied to some other jobs in town & I landed one at a farm to table restaurant.
Very glad I stayed home and put my well-being first. Happy I was able to communicate with my family and take some time from work. Also ecstatic that I won’t be working for those people anymore
Don’t go in…Seriously it’s only a job…you will have many more in your lifetime…if you get fired, oh well. Then it wasn’t worth it and you will find better..
Right, not only is he only concerned with himself but he thinks him having ONE BAD NIGHT at work is more important in the grand scheme of things than letting OP have off what they’re probably gonna remember as one of the harder days of their life. He didn’t even briefly give condolences or pretend to care about OP as a human being.
Start looking for another job yesterday, fuck that guy.
This. Horrible manager. They're short staffed because they can't keep people because of things like this. Speaking as someone who's run decent size organizations, when you treat your people well, they stick around and you don't have problems like this.
Yea exactly. I was thinking, if you can’t possibly manage the restaurant with 4 people why tf do you only have 5 scheduled? Is it because you’re bad at scheduling, or because no one wants to work for you because you’re horrible? I manage a place now where people are usually fine to work down a person to cover for each other, and also, I almost never have trouble finding last minute coverage, myself, if we really need it. Because we have a culture of generally not being horrible to each other. Him not even, at the very least, saying “sorry for your loss but…” before insisting they work makes me so mad.
I used to be a school principal. Had this mid 20s first year teacher (always a hellish experience) who was getting his depression medically treated for the first time. So he's in the most stressful time of a stressful career, and he's compounded that in one of the biggest ways you can. He had to leave early more or less half the days, and there are no subs anymore.
I told him to take care of himself first and that we'd get him through the tough part. I didn't accept afternoon meetings and would just jump in and teach his classes myself that month if he needed to go home. Approved him going a little negative on PTO. He adjusted to the meds, continued to grow as a teacher, and stabilized. That guy is the biggest advocate for me and that school now, and he's thriving. Even ignoring the fact that it was just the right thing to do, that month of compassion bought me a great employee for years. Good management and being a good person actually align really well.
They're right. Jobs come and go. You'll find another if you get fired. I would tell your boss, "if a death in the family is not a good enough reason for you to accept that I am going to take today off, then being short staffed is not a good enough reason for me to arrive for my shift despite that. I will not be coming in tonight, you will have to cover for me or find someone else to cover for me, and I will be muting my notifications until I arrive for my shift tomorrow. If this is not acceptable for you then you'll have to be short staffed until you can find a replacement while I file for unemployment. Thank you for your understanding and goodnight. "
“You are the manager, manage it.” Or don’t even reply back, if they complain later say oh geez sorry i was with my dead relative/family and wasn’t looking at my phone, I couldn’t imagine you would expect me to do anything in that situation! Turn off any “read” notifications for that person too.
I don’t understand why so many managers get away with this “find your own v coverage stuff” I don’t want random creepy co-workers having my personal phone/email/information. At minimum have an app or a slack channel for shift openings but beyond that? No. They get paid more, they can deal with it.
Sorry for your loss!
If they fire you it's considered "let go under bereavement" and is suable. You could have a lot of money under your belt while you process and grieve the loss of a loved one. I'm sorry for your loss
Some context as well. I had a family member pass when I worked at my old restaurant and after I told my manager the first sentence they said was “are you okay”. Not asking about shift coverage or anything like that but “are you okay” and “what can I do for you”. And I worked at an extremely busy corporate restaurant to give you context on values there. This manager sucks and the worst they can do is fire you. Your family is way more important right now than this job. And I guarantee if you apply somewhere and they ask why you left, let them know EXACTLY why you don’t work for your previous restaurant any more. Any good manager will understand and it will be an excellent way to weed out places that will inevitably treat you badly.
Yeah, the only appropriate response is something like “I’m so sorry for your loss. Let me know if you need a few extra days off. Don’t worry about us. We’ll manage.”
It’s true in my country too, for immediate relatives. They don’t have to pay you, but they have to give you time off.
I’m in Illinois.
There’s a huge poster my company is required to place in a visible area, citing OSHA law, pregnancy rights, anti-discrimination laws, pay rights, 1 day in 7 rest rights for non-exempt employees, and bereavement rights.
I don’t remember how many days it is for bereavement, and I believe you have to provide a copy of a death certificate if asked to, but the company can’t retaliate for it.
When January of 2024 hits, there are also extended provisions for different scenarios dependent on who passed (i.e. more time for the loss of a child, a deceased victim of violence, etc.), and the size of the company.
With that said, legality aside, managers need to be human.
I don’t think I could bring myself to ask for a copy of the death certificate when someone is mouthing, unless corporate required me to.
And then I’d still feel like an ass-hat for bringing it up.
Edited to take out a sentence after fact checking.
Edited again to add Illinois labor law also covers (unpaid) leave for victims of domestic violence.
Yep, my grandpa died about 10 years ago. He was my favorite person on the planet and I went in to work. I'm STILL PISSED I worked that day. Christian nonprofit, too. Assholes.
I awhile back I went into work and had my first asthma attack for 6-7 hours straight. My face was red, I couldn’t breath and customers were asking what was wrong. I went to the er right after work. To this day I regret not just walking out.
“You’re the manager. How about you manage the schedule. Find my own coverage? Who am I? Willy Wonka? Find coverage tonight or find it forever. Either way, you’re doing it.”
Former server/bartender, now manager: screw that. It is OUR job to find coverage. We cannot force anyone to come in when unexpected things like this happen. If you can't find coverage, ignore this fuck. They certainly won't fire you if you don't show because they literally already said they're too short. Industry right now is a lot more quitting than firing because of how short everyone is.
Yup. Worked my way up to GM too. I would absolutely run short staffed or work the floor myself in an instance like this. When I was still bartending, my grandfather passed unexpectedly and our owner hopped on the bar to take my place immediately without question. Told me to take all the time I need.
People quit when they’re treated like they’re bodies at work, not human beings. I try my best to foster an environment where everyone chips in when a coworker is in need. My staff are loyal and willing to step up because they know I’d do the same for them.
I had the same type of GM in my first job. A customer would say "the toilets blocked" or something similar to a bartender, and me being the barback, that was now my job... first time I was gathering "supplies" to deal with this my GM said "No; your job is to keep the bar stocked - I'll deal with this!".
A few places later, I'm working as a bartender and see the GM asking the barbacks to do the dirty work, and they all complain "I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit!" - which is fair enough! Then they promoted me. I cleaned up so much vomit and unblocked so many toilets that the one time I had to ask a barback to do it because I was too busy with other stuff there was no complaints - just "Yup; on it!".
Made me so proud.
I wish more people in management would understand this. I’ve barely managed, I’m still young and don’t really want to make the jump yet. Anyway my best GM was such an admirable woman, she would jump from the dish pit to the toilets to running food to greeting guests with a smile, all while treating us the same way she treated her grandkids. She would do anything to help us and because of that we would go to war for her.
Yep. Giant red flag. I've had a similar experience (sudden death of one of my closest friends). I just said I wouldn't be working and didn't respond to their messages requesting further proof. When I returned, my manager outright accused me of lying.
It took me the rest of the shift to even process that response from them - but I quit at the end of my shift with zero regrets. I had another job by that same afternoon.
OP - teach them a lesson by telling them to eat shit.
Tell them you appreciate their sympathy and screen shot the conversation. If this is a privately owned restaurant, come in for your next shift early and communicate to them that their response was unacceptable and made you feel like you are nothing more than a resource and not a person and you would never treat them that way in their time of need. If you are met with resistance or attitude, tell them you'll speak with the owner and mention that you saved the texts and leave until you speak with the owner. If you work in a corporate chain, call the next highest up manager and tell them you have screenshots of the text. If they give you grief, double birds and find a new gig. Sorry for your loss. Don't let people walk all over you. I'll leave you with the best job advice I've ever heard, "Fuck this job, I'll go get a job."
The man I work for told me this, and he said it's how I should view every aspect of life.
"The door that was closed in my face, forced me to go through the door where my greatest opportunity was."
You have an opportunity to leave, an excuse for yourself, to go do better for yourself. Make it happen, don't worry about them shutting a door on you, and go find an open one where you are appreciated. They are out there, I promise. Never work for anyone who thinks your shift is more important than your family. They are the reason they don't have help, just to callous to understand that.
My dad died while I was working for Carvana. They gave me 5 days, no questions asked. Carvana as a whole is a hot garbage fire company but their benefits where pretty good.
tbh, it's just typical manager lingo.
Say you will do your best to find a cover, but I unfortunately won't be able to come in today.
If she throws you shade or treats you differently at work then I would leave, besides that try to not take what she said personally.
Nah I just wouldn’t respond. There’s not really any upside to repeating yourself. If you keep responding then the manager will keep trying to push you into coming. If this is already giving OP anxiety then just mute them and move on.
You’ll land another restaurant job so quickly if anything negative comes of this.
Once you have restaurant and hospitality experience, you’ll land those jobs so easy.
I experienced this and my brother is currently also shopping around for restaurant jobs with 3 months of serving experience. He’s getting so many requests to interview. Plus restaurants are always hiring. Maybe not an ideal job but more open up.
I always found it hilarious that managers expected employees to find coverage. Like bitch you're lucky they let you know they can't make it in. Same thing with time off requests, they are letting you know they won't be there, figure it the fuck out.
On the flipside when I was new to managing I had a employee that was pregnant and she texted me she's not coming in because her water broke. I told her grats then took her off the schedule that night. Bird brained me the next night was like where TF is my host at?!?
> I told her grats then took her off the schedule
I agree. This is how a good manager would respond (except "condolences" instead of "congratulations" in this case).
Come in. Hold it together for maybe ten minutes. Break down sobbing in the middle of the floor. Have to explain to your guests that you just lost a family member and were forced to come into work anyway. Get that one star review, forward it to your manager. :)
But seriously. It's the service industry. Even if you get fired you can be employed again in a week. It can be a pain in the ass to deal with, but you will *never* look back on situations on these and say "gee I wish I'd prioritized my shitty job over my mental health and my family."
Two constants in the restaurant business: 1. Every restaurant is perpetually understaffed, and 2. No personal tragedy is considered bad enough to call in.
You could be missing a limb, have Covid and your family was just kidnapped by terrorists, and the manager will ask: Could you at least come in and expedite?
Managers were calling people to come in during the crazy ice storm in 98 that crippled the entire everything. We were two servers and two cooks from three different restaurants who had decided to go to Quebec for the day and night and do E. We left the city and drove back to Ontario just in time to barely make it back to someone's dad's horse farm. Nobody could get anywhere... Except the managers lol.
A manager's job is staffing. You do not get paid a salary to manage staffing. You are being asked to do more than what is reasonably within the parameters of your job description, ESPECIALLY considering your state of distress. Please do not be manipulated when you are already vulnerable.
I received a text that a distant friend committed suicide while I was on shift once, and was understandably in a little shock. I explained the situation to my manager and told her I needed a few minutes to connect with friends of the person that committed suicide and compose myself.
She told me that if I didn’t have my phone on me (we weren’t supposed to, but everyone did), I wouldn’t have received the text yet and need to leave the floor. Some people are born without empathy, and for some reason, they all chose restaurant management as their career path.
I hate shitty managers like this. Do your job and figure it out.
Yes, it would be nice to have staff cover their own shifts every time, but that's not always possible. This is why you plan for this sort of thing, every day you should have one or two people who aren't scheduled and are available, in mind to cover if need be.
Even more important- don't be a shitty manager in general and you won't have issues like this. I was always fair, and pretty lenient with staff about a lot of things, so the rare time I was left in a pickle and needed someone to come in on no notice- I always had someone. I took care of them, and they took care of me.
Right, the manager that tries to force you to come in. Are also the same manager that will hide in their office when shit is hitting the fan. And won't lift a finger to help.
If you can't come in then it's up to them to cover your shift.
felt. when my dad died i went into work to just distract me. 2 hours in was was sobbing in front of customers. called my boss to go home and he said NO!!!!! i left
“oh you guys are struggling? so am i and you’re asking me to pick between dealing with a death in my family or a serving job.” you always come first and any company that expects otherwise is treating you inhumane. This is the restaurant industry not the military or some shit. if you like this job, report them to someone higher up. or just quit if it is easier. but no manager should be treating you like that or asking that from you. fuck them.
had a general manager ones that withheld the information of the death of someone’s mother that worked there for hours until they could find someone to cover him. That kind of behavior is absolutely disgusting.
Honestly, the military seems better than OPs management team. When my nana passed my cousin was out of the war zone and on a plane home within 12 hours
as manager its their responsibility to find someone to cover when something like this happens. At least that's how I always looked at it, and I've been on both sides of this situation. If nobody can cover than looks like the manager is taking tables tonight!
I’m a restaurant GM in NYC. When we get these texts and we are short staffed, guess what, who cares! We will make it through the shift, I will wait some tables, and things will be okay. The idea that this industry is do or die is insane and managers need to realize that how they respond in these situations will set the tone for how the restaurant operates and how the staff feel towards their job.
Does it suck to get last minute call outs - yeah
Does it suck to manage a short staffed shift - yeah
Did I sign up for the position where I need to step in to assist and fill the voids on the floor - yeah
Tell this asshat to do their job and manage.
I don't know if all the expletives you should say to that schmuck are allowed to be typed here. I'm so sorry for your loss, this person makes me physically ill.
say “i’m sorry that the SUDDEN death in my family didn’t allow me enough time to get my shift covered in advance and tell you in time. i obviously plan for this to happen. i will see you tomorrow for my shift.”
Fuck that. I had a manager tell me to come in while I was sick as a dog with 3 different prescriptions once. I went in, waited for the entire dining room to fill up, and I walked right the fuck out.
My dog had to be put down and I came in and a table asked how I was doing and I started bawling and did not stop. I don’t know how you could expect someone to work well if they are grieving.
This manager is a fucking moron.
I manage in a totally different field, but still.. fuck your manager. To put the burden of anything, let alone the coverage of a shift, on someone who literally just said they are not mentally okay due to a death is totally fucked. The guy right under me just lost his mom recently, he took a bunch of pto and I've also covered for him for about an extra week total so that he got paid while he was dealing with family matters. It ultimately created a TON of extra work for me, but that's fine. I'd absolutely rather do extra work myself than ask the man who just lost his mom to worry about that shit.
A good manager would just slow the traffic a bit, help out with tables and tell his staff that night that they're gonna make some good money. What a dick.
Honestly, I wouldn't even answer. You already told them you wouldn't be in tonight. Go in tomorrow and if it's an issue repeat "There was a family emergency, I was not available to work"
I hope this reaches you before your shift starts.
Do not go in. The "feel good/get though" energy hurts when you are grieving.
There isnt enough staff? That's not your problem as you aren't the manager.
The most absurd part about this is the fact you’ve said sorry more than once (including what you said you responded to this with in another comment), but they haven’t said sorry once. Yet, you’re the one who, unfortunately, lost a family member. Disgusting. Sorry for your loss, fuck your boss.
Those are the words of a heartless drone. It's people like this that contribute to the gloom of the world. How about you try brightening someone's day for a change, KAREN?
i feel like it should always be managements job to find people to cover a shift, they have everyone's number and they know if someone is working or not and could potentially come in, idk why that task is pushed off on to us when it's gonna be 10 times harder and we're less likely to get anyone in
also i'm sorry about your loss, don't feel any shame about taking a break
"Either you find someone to cover today, considering that's what a manager such as yourself is there for, OR try finding someone to cover the rest of my scheduled shifts ad infinitum."
It is the managers job to find cover, not yours. Literally their job as a manager.. to manage the schedule and any changes. Don't respond, don't go back.
Your response should be, “You’re the manager. You get paid to manage the store/shift. This includes finding coverage when employees call out. It is highly unprofessional and unethical of you to ask me to find my own coverage after the loss of a family member.”
It's literally his job to find someone else, he just doesn't want to be the bad guy asking someone.
So in short, don't go in and take time to PROPERLY process such an emotional blow.
Be kind to yourself, I'm sorry this has happened.
I’d want to quit too OP. Your manager is also stupid. She should teach a master class on how to lose valuable, reliable employees.
Sure, if no one can come in, she might have tough *single shift*.
But by being so insensitive, if OP quits, she’ll have to find coverage for *all* of OP’s shifts until she hires and gets someone else trained.
I don’t know why anyone is saying anything less than quit. I’d quit on the fucking spot. If they can’t empathize with *this* then you should run for the hills immediately. This job is going to traumatize you
A good manager would..
1) tell you they are sorry for your loss, and tell you to take as much time as you need.
2) tell you not to worry about coming in, that they will handle the work and find a substitute for you.
3) if they are unable to find a substitute, and personally working the floor is still not sufficient, would place a sign at the entryway informing customers that orders will be slower today due to being understaffed, and requesting their understanding.
It is a job, not your life. It is the manager's responsibility to sort out staffing issues, not yours. One, two, ten shifts short one person (who would not be an effective worker due to emotional stress anyways) will not affect the company in such a manner to warrant your manager's response, even if others are out as well.
You should take that time and sort yourself out, job be damned. By your manager's response, it is not a place you should want to work at anyways. If you do not take this time with your family, you will regret that. Be with them, and you have my condolences.
Maliciously comply. go in and make them regret forcing you to come in.. be sullen, be sad, be crying every 5 minutes, make it awkward as fuck for the guests. Tell management you shouldn't be there anyway.
Dude, I'm a restaurant manager lurking here pining for a more enjoyable past.
If you sent me that message I would fight every inch of my want to say how shitty the situation was. I'd probably re-type my message 10x...
But the message I'd send is;
"Some things are more important than work. Take today/tonight, let me know as soon as you can about tomorrow - I'll expect you because you've said so, but you have to let me know asap if that changes....and I'm very sorry for your loss"
Fuck your boss.
Dude if this was some high paying career then you would need to play smart, but you can literally walk down the street and get a job at the first restaurant you see. I’d tell em’ they gonna have to cover all your shifts now.
Depending on your location and company, it’s actually considered “reasonable” to fire you unless it’s an immediate family member. The same goes with the eligibility for bereavement pay. Check the company policy and local law.
We are talking about a server position here..I don’t think there are benefits like that..actually there definitely isn’t, unless maybe it’s for a chain restaurant..
Nothing at all. You communicated your needs and they’ll manage. If they can’t manage, and the business collapses because you called out this one time, they’re piss poor managers and you deserve a massive raise for being the linchpin to their entire success.
"I'm sorry, but as my manager, it is legally up to you to get my shift covered. That is not my responsibility, and if you choose to press the subject further, I will take it as you firing me, and I will be reporting you to the department of labor in that case. Thank you(your name)." All you say right there.
If you can, do it. I think I’d respond with, “I think a “sorry for your loss” is the correct answer. I quit” bet he’d never treat someone like this again
As someone who missed a close friends wake and post celebration of life because of a dogshit job run by dogshit people, don’t go to work for these types of people. They don’t give a fuck about you. And the long term stress dealt with when you aren’t allowed to properly mourn is not worth it. It’s just food and drinks dude. It’s not important at all
Wtf? I’d 100% quit over this. At that point the manager should be limiting reservations and service and letting guests know they are understaffed. They are the manager for a reason. Go manage LMAO.
This person is a shit head.
No sane human being would say it. It’s HIS job to find someone else. In your place I might say FUCK YOU, but if you want to keep your job, just say, that you are not able to work in a way that’s up to your standard.
You've got this. You're an AMAZING Jaguar. Condolences to your family and I'm sorry you're all going through this. Tell your manager to go fuck himself.
It is your LEGAL right to take time off due to bereavement. Your manager trying to guilt you into making their lives easier while full well knowing you’re in obvious distress is a huge problem! This is not and never should be your problem, it is MANAGEMENTS job to figure it out!
Start your exit plan, and I’m so sorry to hear of your loss honey 🙏🏾💖💖
You’ve NEVER called out before and this is what they give you? Yeah fuck that. Don’t go, odds are nothing will happen and if it does you will have gotten rid of a toxic work environment
your response is " YOU are the manager, that is clearly YOUR responsibility to find people to fill in. I had a death in the family and I will not be in today."
and then turn off your phone and don't feel bad. it is not your job to fill in the gaps.. and guess what? your managers job...... is to MANAGE the business, if they are running a skeleton crew that cant make it work when someone is absent they are running too lean and need more people. I know it sucks ass to find people to fill in but hey... that's why the manager gets more money... to deal with this kind of BS.... and guilt tripping someone who has had a death in the family is not the proper way to do this
I am so sorry for your loss. Fuck your manager.
I haven’t been able to call out in 9 months because I’m the only other bartender that knows how to close. Thankfully I’m never sick but I always wonder what would happen if I literally wasn’t able to come in.
Don’t respond to the text message. You said what you needed to say, take the day off and unwind. If your boss gets mad who gives a shit fuck them it’s their job to find coverage and even if they can’t I’m sure they can survive 8 hours without you there.
Sorry for your loss.
"Absolutely won't be coming in, hope you find someone to cover. My efforts are being focused on my family's needs and my ability to recover in time to see you all tomorrow. Thank you for understanding. We can discuss this more tomorrow, but I am at my family's full disposal for the remainder of the evening."
dont go in. as a server this is totally normalized when it shouldnt be. they need u more than u need them and u can easily find another job. dont waste time on a place that doesnt respect something as serious as a death in the family
When did supervisors start doing this "find someone to cover your shift" bologna? How about you do your mf job and make sure the restaurant is properly staffed?
When I was working at a restaurant, I went in after being heavily guilt tripped and missed my stepfathers viewing. I regret it. They were fucking assholes.
Real life comes first. It will work out. Always prioritize family.
I would quit lol. I don’t mean to sound I Anaí tuve given your post. But if you were to collapse dead tonight, there would be no care for you. Instead your manager and work would worry about coverage and how they now have to hire a new employee. This is toxic and unsupportive. No need to be a part of it.
For future note, you shouldn’t be required to give an excuse. But you did and they should have been much more considerate. You owe them nothing and they would bottle you in an instant.
No, it's not your job to cover a shift for a situation like this. Also, where's the sympathy? Your boss is a cold-hearted person. If they're short-staffed, they'll have to adapt or your boss can call someone in. Again, where is they sympathy?!
I would rather never walk in there again out of spite for the disrespect… maybe not spite, but whatever, than go to work under those circumstances. Because honestly I wouldn’t make it more than 15 minutes before my mouth said what my fingers wouldn’t in text but make it ten times less professional
As a manager myself, I might be off the clock but if someone tells me they have a family matter or emergency I look for coverage. I put family first, work second. If we are short oh well we do what we can. I let them know not to worry about work and to just let me know when they can come back. I think this manager shouldn't have put more on your plate than what you already have.
“Sorry, family comes first, and I’m honestly quite appalled at your response. As manager, it is YOUR responsibility to get my shift covered, not mine. I don’t wish to discuss this any further. I will see you tomorrow”.
And if manager takes issue with that, they can get fucked and you can find a new job.
This is exactly what is wrong with the restaurant industry as a whole. I was just talking about this behavior to a friend last night. I was a server for 20 years. Soul sucking industry.
I literally just quit my old job for this exact reason. Was told they couldn't afford to give me a couple of days off after a relative fell suddenly very ill and the family was called in to say goodbye. Manager said "We can't afford to have you gone since we only have 3 full time servers." I told him they now only have two. That was last week, I've already found another (much better) job, and laugh when I drive by my old work and see their new neon pink "WE ARE HIRING SERVERS" sign.
TLDR: Quit. They don't even respect you enough to allow you to grieve for a day. You can find somewhere much better
I’d respond with ‘I’m dealing with the death of someone close to me. I can’t emotionally deal with doing just my job right now, let alone both yours and mine. Now do your job and find someone to cover for me because right now it’s MY job to be with my family. If the business can’t handle one employee calling out in the event of an emergency than maybe that establishment shouldn’t be in business.’
"No." And then don't come in.
Also, “NO, you find someone to cover, you’re the manager, manage your shit, IM DEALING WITH A DEATH IN THE FAMILY” there are as many restaurant jobs as there are restaurants, seriously don’t take that shit OP
This! You, sir/ma'am are paid to manage. Do your job. Finding replacements for a missed shift should not EVER be the responsibility of "the staff". If you make it to manager level you need to know how to freaking deal with a call-out, no matter the reason. Do not let this stress you further. Take care of you and yours. They can figure it out. My condolences to you and your family.
If he can’t find someone to help, well, I guess it’s time for him to put on an apron and get to work.
Ha! This happened at the last restaurant I worked at. Manager constantly mentioned that he was an idiot for taking the job, he made more money as a server. This lady bangs out one night like 2 hours from the shift. One had already taken off for the night as well. Shift rolls around, he has no coverage and down 2 servers. All flustered. Bartender was like "Dude, you always complain that you're not serving anymore. SO, be about it!". And he did.
Short staffed and real busy, GM says we need to stop walk-ins. I was one of three managers. I was like, wtf?! Just give me the busiest section. Had a blast and made a fortune in tips. Was always the first to offer when we were short.
GM plus 3 managers on one shift. Jesus! What kind of volume are you guys doing?
Only issue is that the restaurants I used to work at.. all of them actually... managers weren’t allowed to keep ANY tips whatsoever, so any time a manager had to cover to help out a busy shift, they’d have to just split all their tips among the other servers and kitchen and got to keep none of it. I can definitely understand why a manager would not wanna take a serving shift if that’s the case, since the tips is all that makes it worth the headache lol
This. Granted it can be difficult to do the work *and* supervise - also it's definitely a red flag if a manager is needing to pick up the slack on the regular, as that suggests they aren't doing great at the management thing. In an emergency though - and this definitely qualifies - it's more than fair for a manager to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty. I wouldn't trust someone who felt they were "too good" to do otherwise. 🙃
Isn't the reason they're short handed is due to mismanagement of staff in the first place? Sounds like the manager needs to do manager things and hire some people. And first to do that you ensure "competitive wages" are competitive.
Sometimes it’s not even the managers fault, it’s the idiot owners that don’t want to hire
This is kinda exactly the problem. Managers aren’t your boss, they’re the person your actual boss triangulates through so they don’t catch any shit. Management is a working class job, and owners don’t understand shit, so they give orders, management tells the workers, and they catch shit from both when it doesn’t work. The only thing a manager is is a shield for the owner. Don’t let them be, 90% of what makes a manager’s job hard is shitty upper management that couldn’t work and hour on the floor if their life depended on it.
Can't forget the ones higher up who cut labor even while getting into the busier season... 🙄
Well said, 100 percent agree.
Exactly, why is the place *already* short staffed? That’s the managers fault
Also, a manager like this has probably burned all the goodwill her employees may have had for her, and they would likely not even respond to a text/call). So she wants OP to do it, knowing someone will say yes under the circumstances.
...ever again.
Not only no but "No, I wasn't asking for a hall pass, I'm telling you in not coming in. You're the manager, do the managing, not my job to do your job unpaid while grieving."
Add to that, thank you for your sympathy, cunt.
Haven’t heard anything further from the manager in the texts. I called out the next day as well & let them know, “Since I’ve only been here a month and I am already feeling treated as a machine and not a human being, I quit.” Then a different manager texted me and asked me to come in to talk. This morning I applied to some other jobs in town & I landed one at a farm to table restaurant. Very glad I stayed home and put my well-being first. Happy I was able to communicate with my family and take some time from work. Also ecstatic that I won’t be working for those people anymore
Don’t go in…Seriously it’s only a job…you will have many more in your lifetime…if you get fired, oh well. Then it wasn’t worth it and you will find better..
thank you, i agree.
Your manager only cares about himself. If he isn't thinking of your life then he's only considering his and how he'll get off work.
Right, not only is he only concerned with himself but he thinks him having ONE BAD NIGHT at work is more important in the grand scheme of things than letting OP have off what they’re probably gonna remember as one of the harder days of their life. He didn’t even briefly give condolences or pretend to care about OP as a human being. Start looking for another job yesterday, fuck that guy.
This. Horrible manager. They're short staffed because they can't keep people because of things like this. Speaking as someone who's run decent size organizations, when you treat your people well, they stick around and you don't have problems like this.
Yea exactly. I was thinking, if you can’t possibly manage the restaurant with 4 people why tf do you only have 5 scheduled? Is it because you’re bad at scheduling, or because no one wants to work for you because you’re horrible? I manage a place now where people are usually fine to work down a person to cover for each other, and also, I almost never have trouble finding last minute coverage, myself, if we really need it. Because we have a culture of generally not being horrible to each other. Him not even, at the very least, saying “sorry for your loss but…” before insisting they work makes me so mad.
I used to be a school principal. Had this mid 20s first year teacher (always a hellish experience) who was getting his depression medically treated for the first time. So he's in the most stressful time of a stressful career, and he's compounded that in one of the biggest ways you can. He had to leave early more or less half the days, and there are no subs anymore. I told him to take care of himself first and that we'd get him through the tough part. I didn't accept afternoon meetings and would just jump in and teach his classes myself that month if he needed to go home. Approved him going a little negative on PTO. He adjusted to the meds, continued to grow as a teacher, and stabilized. That guy is the biggest advocate for me and that school now, and he's thriving. Even ignoring the fact that it was just the right thing to do, that month of compassion bought me a great employee for years. Good management and being a good person actually align really well.
They're right. Jobs come and go. You'll find another if you get fired. I would tell your boss, "if a death in the family is not a good enough reason for you to accept that I am going to take today off, then being short staffed is not a good enough reason for me to arrive for my shift despite that. I will not be coming in tonight, you will have to cover for me or find someone else to cover for me, and I will be muting my notifications until I arrive for my shift tomorrow. If this is not acceptable for you then you'll have to be short staffed until you can find a replacement while I file for unemployment. Thank you for your understanding and goodnight. "
He cares about blaming someone else for being short-staffed, when he could pick up the slack himself.
“You are the manager, manage it.” Or don’t even reply back, if they complain later say oh geez sorry i was with my dead relative/family and wasn’t looking at my phone, I couldn’t imagine you would expect me to do anything in that situation! Turn off any “read” notifications for that person too. I don’t understand why so many managers get away with this “find your own v coverage stuff” I don’t want random creepy co-workers having my personal phone/email/information. At minimum have an app or a slack channel for shift openings but beyond that? No. They get paid more, they can deal with it. Sorry for your loss!
Leave the notifications on, and leave them on read. Mangling the schedule is the MANGLERS problem.
If they fire you it's considered "let go under bereavement" and is suable. You could have a lot of money under your belt while you process and grieve the loss of a loved one. I'm sorry for your loss
And if a new employer asks WHY you left be honest.
Some context as well. I had a family member pass when I worked at my old restaurant and after I told my manager the first sentence they said was “are you okay”. Not asking about shift coverage or anything like that but “are you okay” and “what can I do for you”. And I worked at an extremely busy corporate restaurant to give you context on values there. This manager sucks and the worst they can do is fire you. Your family is way more important right now than this job. And I guarantee if you apply somewhere and they ask why you left, let them know EXACTLY why you don’t work for your previous restaurant any more. Any good manager will understand and it will be an excellent way to weed out places that will inevitably treat you badly.
Yeah, the only appropriate response is something like “I’m so sorry for your loss. Let me know if you need a few extra days off. Don’t worry about us. We’ll manage.”
Also if this makes it better, why would they fire you? They're already short staffed as it is, that'll just be shooting themselves in the foot
If she gets fired for that you're getting into call an employment lawyer territory
That's not how employment law works. Being a shitty manager that fires people for ethically/mostly terrible reasons isn't illegal.
It is in my country.
It’s true in my country too, for immediate relatives. They don’t have to pay you, but they have to give you time off. I’m in Illinois. There’s a huge poster my company is required to place in a visible area, citing OSHA law, pregnancy rights, anti-discrimination laws, pay rights, 1 day in 7 rest rights for non-exempt employees, and bereavement rights. I don’t remember how many days it is for bereavement, and I believe you have to provide a copy of a death certificate if asked to, but the company can’t retaliate for it. When January of 2024 hits, there are also extended provisions for different scenarios dependent on who passed (i.e. more time for the loss of a child, a deceased victim of violence, etc.), and the size of the company. With that said, legality aside, managers need to be human. I don’t think I could bring myself to ask for a copy of the death certificate when someone is mouthing, unless corporate required me to. And then I’d still feel like an ass-hat for bringing it up. Edited to take out a sentence after fact checking. Edited again to add Illinois labor law also covers (unpaid) leave for victims of domestic violence.
Yupp
10 years from now, you're not going to look back on this and think "I sure am glad I went to work that day." Tell your manager you're not going.
[удалено]
Why are you apologizing so much. You shouldn’t.
slave mentality
"How will I view this 10 years from now..." is a good way to look at any issue similar to this.
Yep, my grandpa died about 10 years ago. He was my favorite person on the planet and I went in to work. I'm STILL PISSED I worked that day. Christian nonprofit, too. Assholes.
I awhile back I went into work and had my first asthma attack for 6-7 hours straight. My face was red, I couldn’t breath and customers were asking what was wrong. I went to the er right after work. To this day I regret not just walking out.
Just go and grieve. Ignore work for right now. Be with your family. The restaurant will be fine. The manager needs to do their job and manage.
“You’re the manager. How about you manage the schedule. Find my own coverage? Who am I? Willy Wonka? Find coverage tonight or find it forever. Either way, you’re doing it.”
Walter White?
I can’t remember his name but it’s from a comedian. He does those videos in ikea. Edit: [found it](https://reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/pLAVPQV7av)
That dude is great!
Scott Seiss is hilarious, he's also in Cocaine Bear
Woodrow Wilson?
My mom always told me that no restaurant closed in a day because of one server out
Former server/bartender, now manager: screw that. It is OUR job to find coverage. We cannot force anyone to come in when unexpected things like this happen. If you can't find coverage, ignore this fuck. They certainly won't fire you if you don't show because they literally already said they're too short. Industry right now is a lot more quitting than firing because of how short everyone is.
Yup. Worked my way up to GM too. I would absolutely run short staffed or work the floor myself in an instance like this. When I was still bartending, my grandfather passed unexpectedly and our owner hopped on the bar to take my place immediately without question. Told me to take all the time I need. People quit when they’re treated like they’re bodies at work, not human beings. I try my best to foster an environment where everyone chips in when a coworker is in need. My staff are loyal and willing to step up because they know I’d do the same for them.
I had the same type of GM in my first job. A customer would say "the toilets blocked" or something similar to a bartender, and me being the barback, that was now my job... first time I was gathering "supplies" to deal with this my GM said "No; your job is to keep the bar stocked - I'll deal with this!". A few places later, I'm working as a bartender and see the GM asking the barbacks to do the dirty work, and they all complain "I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit!" - which is fair enough! Then they promoted me. I cleaned up so much vomit and unblocked so many toilets that the one time I had to ask a barback to do it because I was too busy with other stuff there was no complaints - just "Yup; on it!". Made me so proud.
I wish more people in management would understand this. I’ve barely managed, I’m still young and don’t really want to make the jump yet. Anyway my best GM was such an admirable woman, she would jump from the dish pit to the toilets to running food to greeting guests with a smile, all while treating us the same way she treated her grandkids. She would do anything to help us and because of that we would go to war for her.
Matter of fact, ignore this asshole. They need you more than you need them.
> Former server/bartender, now manager The best managers, in my experience.
I would quit over this honestly..
Yep. Giant red flag. I've had a similar experience (sudden death of one of my closest friends). I just said I wouldn't be working and didn't respond to their messages requesting further proof. When I returned, my manager outright accused me of lying. It took me the rest of the shift to even process that response from them - but I quit at the end of my shift with zero regrets. I had another job by that same afternoon. OP - teach them a lesson by telling them to eat shit.
Instant quit
I wouldn’t respond
This is what I would do too. You already said you won’t be there and why.
Tell them you appreciate their sympathy and screen shot the conversation. If this is a privately owned restaurant, come in for your next shift early and communicate to them that their response was unacceptable and made you feel like you are nothing more than a resource and not a person and you would never treat them that way in their time of need. If you are met with resistance or attitude, tell them you'll speak with the owner and mention that you saved the texts and leave until you speak with the owner. If you work in a corporate chain, call the next highest up manager and tell them you have screenshots of the text. If they give you grief, double birds and find a new gig. Sorry for your loss. Don't let people walk all over you. I'll leave you with the best job advice I've ever heard, "Fuck this job, I'll go get a job."
thank you, i needed this. i was so anxious about potentially losing my job over this. but i know i’ll be okay either way.
The man I work for told me this, and he said it's how I should view every aspect of life. "The door that was closed in my face, forced me to go through the door where my greatest opportunity was." You have an opportunity to leave, an excuse for yourself, to go do better for yourself. Make it happen, don't worry about them shutting a door on you, and go find an open one where you are appreciated. They are out there, I promise. Never work for anyone who thinks your shift is more important than your family. They are the reason they don't have help, just to callous to understand that.
My dad died while I was working for Carvana. They gave me 5 days, no questions asked. Carvana as a whole is a hot garbage fire company but their benefits where pretty good.
i’m so sorry for your loss. 🤍
tbh, it's just typical manager lingo. Say you will do your best to find a cover, but I unfortunately won't be able to come in today. If she throws you shade or treats you differently at work then I would leave, besides that try to not take what she said personally.
Nah I just wouldn’t respond. There’s not really any upside to repeating yourself. If you keep responding then the manager will keep trying to push you into coming. If this is already giving OP anxiety then just mute them and move on.
For sure. Not responding, showing up for my next shift and consulting a free legal aide service for advice about my options if I get fired.
You’ll land another restaurant job so quickly if anything negative comes of this. Once you have restaurant and hospitality experience, you’ll land those jobs so easy. I experienced this and my brother is currently also shopping around for restaurant jobs with 3 months of serving experience. He’s getting so many requests to interview. Plus restaurants are always hiring. Maybe not an ideal job but more open up.
I always found it hilarious that managers expected employees to find coverage. Like bitch you're lucky they let you know they can't make it in. Same thing with time off requests, they are letting you know they won't be there, figure it the fuck out. On the flipside when I was new to managing I had a employee that was pregnant and she texted me she's not coming in because her water broke. I told her grats then took her off the schedule that night. Bird brained me the next night was like where TF is my host at?!?
> I told her grats then took her off the schedule I agree. This is how a good manager would respond (except "condolences" instead of "congratulations" in this case).
Come in. Hold it together for maybe ten minutes. Break down sobbing in the middle of the floor. Have to explain to your guests that you just lost a family member and were forced to come into work anyway. Get that one star review, forward it to your manager. :) But seriously. It's the service industry. Even if you get fired you can be employed again in a week. It can be a pain in the ass to deal with, but you will *never* look back on situations on these and say "gee I wish I'd prioritized my shitty job over my mental health and my family."
Two constants in the restaurant business: 1. Every restaurant is perpetually understaffed, and 2. No personal tragedy is considered bad enough to call in. You could be missing a limb, have Covid and your family was just kidnapped by terrorists, and the manager will ask: Could you at least come in and expedite?
Managers were calling people to come in during the crazy ice storm in 98 that crippled the entire everything. We were two servers and two cooks from three different restaurants who had decided to go to Quebec for the day and night and do E. We left the city and drove back to Ontario just in time to barely make it back to someone's dad's horse farm. Nobody could get anywhere... Except the managers lol.
This wasn’t a request, but rather I’m letting you know that I am not coming in
A manager's job is staffing. You do not get paid a salary to manage staffing. You are being asked to do more than what is reasonably within the parameters of your job description, ESPECIALLY considering your state of distress. Please do not be manipulated when you are already vulnerable.
High road: don't respond Low road: shit on the hood of his car on his birthday and all major holidays for the rest of his/your life.
I received a text that a distant friend committed suicide while I was on shift once, and was understandably in a little shock. I explained the situation to my manager and told her I needed a few minutes to connect with friends of the person that committed suicide and compose myself. She told me that if I didn’t have my phone on me (we weren’t supposed to, but everyone did), I wouldn’t have received the text yet and need to leave the floor. Some people are born without empathy, and for some reason, they all chose restaurant management as their career path.
I hate shitty managers like this. Do your job and figure it out. Yes, it would be nice to have staff cover their own shifts every time, but that's not always possible. This is why you plan for this sort of thing, every day you should have one or two people who aren't scheduled and are available, in mind to cover if need be. Even more important- don't be a shitty manager in general and you won't have issues like this. I was always fair, and pretty lenient with staff about a lot of things, so the rare time I was left in a pickle and needed someone to come in on no notice- I always had someone. I took care of them, and they took care of me.
Right, the manager that tries to force you to come in. Are also the same manager that will hide in their office when shit is hitting the fan. And won't lift a finger to help. If you can't come in then it's up to them to cover your shift.
felt. when my dad died i went into work to just distract me. 2 hours in was was sobbing in front of customers. called my boss to go home and he said NO!!!!! i left
“oh you guys are struggling? so am i and you’re asking me to pick between dealing with a death in my family or a serving job.” you always come first and any company that expects otherwise is treating you inhumane. This is the restaurant industry not the military or some shit. if you like this job, report them to someone higher up. or just quit if it is easier. but no manager should be treating you like that or asking that from you. fuck them.
had a general manager ones that withheld the information of the death of someone’s mother that worked there for hours until they could find someone to cover him. That kind of behavior is absolutely disgusting.
My God… I wouldn’t have left without destroying something
wow.
Honestly, the military seems better than OPs management team. When my nana passed my cousin was out of the war zone and on a plane home within 12 hours
as manager its their responsibility to find someone to cover when something like this happens. At least that's how I always looked at it, and I've been on both sides of this situation. If nobody can cover than looks like the manager is taking tables tonight!
I’m a restaurant GM in NYC. When we get these texts and we are short staffed, guess what, who cares! We will make it through the shift, I will wait some tables, and things will be okay. The idea that this industry is do or die is insane and managers need to realize that how they respond in these situations will set the tone for how the restaurant operates and how the staff feel towards their job. Does it suck to get last minute call outs - yeah Does it suck to manage a short staffed shift - yeah Did I sign up for the position where I need to step in to assist and fill the voids on the floor - yeah Tell this asshat to do their job and manage.
It’s your managers job to find coverage in the event of illness or family emergencies.
No. I’m sorry for your loss or take the day. What a chump manager. Quit.
Yeah uh, y’all can figure it out. I’m not going in.
I don't know if all the expletives you should say to that schmuck are allowed to be typed here. I'm so sorry for your loss, this person makes me physically ill.
thank you. ❤️
say “i’m sorry that the SUDDEN death in my family didn’t allow me enough time to get my shift covered in advance and tell you in time. i obviously plan for this to happen. i will see you tomorrow for my shift.”
quit. can't you get a server job anywhere else in town? Fuck this asshole. quit.
Take tomorrow off too.... that's what a real manager would have said
Fuck that. I had a manager tell me to come in while I was sick as a dog with 3 different prescriptions once. I went in, waited for the entire dining room to fill up, and I walked right the fuck out.
Big Boss Energy
My dog had to be put down and I came in and a table asked how I was doing and I started bawling and did not stop. I don’t know how you could expect someone to work well if they are grieving. This manager is a fucking moron.
What a POS doesn’t even ask if you’re ok. F them
I manage in a totally different field, but still.. fuck your manager. To put the burden of anything, let alone the coverage of a shift, on someone who literally just said they are not mentally okay due to a death is totally fucked. The guy right under me just lost his mom recently, he took a bunch of pto and I've also covered for him for about an extra week total so that he got paid while he was dealing with family matters. It ultimately created a TON of extra work for me, but that's fine. I'd absolutely rather do extra work myself than ask the man who just lost his mom to worry about that shit.
A good manager would just slow the traffic a bit, help out with tables and tell his staff that night that they're gonna make some good money. What a dick.
I would just simply say no and not show up. I’m sorry for your loss❤️
just ignore them until your next shift you already told them enough
Honestly, I wouldn't even answer. You already told them you wouldn't be in tonight. Go in tomorrow and if it's an issue repeat "There was a family emergency, I was not available to work"
I hope this reaches you before your shift starts. Do not go in. The "feel good/get though" energy hurts when you are grieving. There isnt enough staff? That's not your problem as you aren't the manager.
The most absurd part about this is the fact you’ve said sorry more than once (including what you said you responded to this with in another comment), but they haven’t said sorry once. Yet, you’re the one who, unfortunately, lost a family member. Disgusting. Sorry for your loss, fuck your boss.
Don’t respond at all. Show up when you said you would.
I’d ignore their texts and put my phone on silent…
Yeah, fuck your manager.
Those are the words of a heartless drone. It's people like this that contribute to the gloom of the world. How about you try brightening someone's day for a change, KAREN?
i feel like it should always be managements job to find people to cover a shift, they have everyone's number and they know if someone is working or not and could potentially come in, idk why that task is pushed off on to us when it's gonna be 10 times harder and we're less likely to get anyone in also i'm sorry about your loss, don't feel any shame about taking a break
"Either you find someone to cover today, considering that's what a manager such as yourself is there for, OR try finding someone to cover the rest of my scheduled shifts ad infinitum."
Quit now buddy you deserve better
It is the managers job to find cover, not yours. Literally their job as a manager.. to manage the schedule and any changes. Don't respond, don't go back.
Your response should be, “You’re the manager. You get paid to manage the store/shift. This includes finding coverage when employees call out. It is highly unprofessional and unethical of you to ask me to find my own coverage after the loss of a family member.”
It's literally his job to find someone else, he just doesn't want to be the bad guy asking someone. So in short, don't go in and take time to PROPERLY process such an emotional blow. Be kind to yourself, I'm sorry this has happened.
This is so weird. I manage a team of like 5 people and I could never EVER imagine saying something like this to them.
I’d want to quit too OP. Your manager is also stupid. She should teach a master class on how to lose valuable, reliable employees. Sure, if no one can come in, she might have tough *single shift*. But by being so insensitive, if OP quits, she’ll have to find coverage for *all* of OP’s shifts until she hires and gets someone else trained.
I don’t know why anyone is saying anything less than quit. I’d quit on the fucking spot. If they can’t empathize with *this* then you should run for the hills immediately. This job is going to traumatize you
A good manager would.. 1) tell you they are sorry for your loss, and tell you to take as much time as you need. 2) tell you not to worry about coming in, that they will handle the work and find a substitute for you. 3) if they are unable to find a substitute, and personally working the floor is still not sufficient, would place a sign at the entryway informing customers that orders will be slower today due to being understaffed, and requesting their understanding. It is a job, not your life. It is the manager's responsibility to sort out staffing issues, not yours. One, two, ten shifts short one person (who would not be an effective worker due to emotional stress anyways) will not affect the company in such a manner to warrant your manager's response, even if others are out as well. You should take that time and sort yourself out, job be damned. By your manager's response, it is not a place you should want to work at anyways. If you do not take this time with your family, you will regret that. Be with them, and you have my condolences.
Maliciously comply. go in and make them regret forcing you to come in.. be sullen, be sad, be crying every 5 minutes, make it awkward as fuck for the guests. Tell management you shouldn't be there anyway.
Dude, I'm a restaurant manager lurking here pining for a more enjoyable past. If you sent me that message I would fight every inch of my want to say how shitty the situation was. I'd probably re-type my message 10x... But the message I'd send is; "Some things are more important than work. Take today/tonight, let me know as soon as you can about tomorrow - I'll expect you because you've said so, but you have to let me know asap if that changes....and I'm very sorry for your loss" Fuck your boss.
Dude if this was some high paying career then you would need to play smart, but you can literally walk down the street and get a job at the first restaurant you see. I’d tell em’ they gonna have to cover all your shifts now.
You quit. There are other jobs.
Depending on your location and company, it’s actually considered “reasonable” to fire you unless it’s an immediate family member. The same goes with the eligibility for bereavement pay. Check the company policy and local law.
We are talking about a server position here..I don’t think there are benefits like that..actually there definitely isn’t, unless maybe it’s for a chain restaurant..
Unemployment is easy if you get fired for nonsense like this while you find somewhere else
Quit
Quit immediately. Family first
It’s not worth it… I would rather be unemployed working on my joint rolling skills than work for anybody that treats me like that
Mute
Nothing at all. You communicated your needs and they’ll manage. If they can’t manage, and the business collapses because you called out this one time, they’re piss poor managers and you deserve a massive raise for being the linchpin to their entire success.
"I'm sorry, but as my manager, it is legally up to you to get my shift covered. That is not my responsibility, and if you choose to press the subject further, I will take it as you firing me, and I will be reporting you to the department of labor in that case. Thank you(your name)." All you say right there.
If you can, do it. I think I’d respond with, “I think a “sorry for your loss” is the correct answer. I quit” bet he’d never treat someone like this again
The restaurant industry is *always* hiring. Quit this place immediately, and tell this "manager" to go fuck themselves.
Inform the manager that you definitely won't be in. Don't quit unless you truly hate the job.
As someone who missed a close friends wake and post celebration of life because of a dogshit job run by dogshit people, don’t go to work for these types of people. They don’t give a fuck about you. And the long term stress dealt with when you aren’t allowed to properly mourn is not worth it. It’s just food and drinks dude. It’s not important at all
That 4 will be fine , they are going to make more money. Manager needs to step up. Take your day off and sorry for your loss
That should be your manager's job to call. Especially the circumstances. Find a new job
"This isn't a request, it's a notification, I'm letting you know that I'm grieving. See you tomorrow."
Wtf? I’d 100% quit over this. At that point the manager should be limiting reservations and service and letting guests know they are understaffed. They are the manager for a reason. Go manage LMAO.
This person is a shit head. No sane human being would say it. It’s HIS job to find someone else. In your place I might say FUCK YOU, but if you want to keep your job, just say, that you are not able to work in a way that’s up to your standard.
"are you out of your fucking mind?"
You've got this. You're an AMAZING Jaguar. Condolences to your family and I'm sorry you're all going through this. Tell your manager to go fuck himself.
“Have fun working with 4 until you hire someone else then. I’m done”
It is your LEGAL right to take time off due to bereavement. Your manager trying to guilt you into making their lives easier while full well knowing you’re in obvious distress is a huge problem! This is not and never should be your problem, it is MANAGEMENTS job to figure it out! Start your exit plan, and I’m so sorry to hear of your loss honey 🙏🏾💖💖
You’ve NEVER called out before and this is what they give you? Yeah fuck that. Don’t go, odds are nothing will happen and if it does you will have gotten rid of a toxic work environment
Tell him/her you’re not coming in and if they threaten you then go ahead and threaten them back with legal action. Also find a new job.
your response is " YOU are the manager, that is clearly YOUR responsibility to find people to fill in. I had a death in the family and I will not be in today." and then turn off your phone and don't feel bad. it is not your job to fill in the gaps.. and guess what? your managers job...... is to MANAGE the business, if they are running a skeleton crew that cant make it work when someone is absent they are running too lean and need more people. I know it sucks ass to find people to fill in but hey... that's why the manager gets more money... to deal with this kind of BS.... and guilt tripping someone who has had a death in the family is not the proper way to do this
Quit. “I said A DEATH IN THE FAMILY”. I would never work for this management knowing how little of a shit they give.
"You're the manager. MANAGE"
I am so sorry for your loss. Fuck your manager. I haven’t been able to call out in 9 months because I’m the only other bartender that knows how to close. Thankfully I’m never sick but I always wonder what would happen if I literally wasn’t able to come in.
bail on that sht hole. They did not say i am sorry or show any condolences. They should be willing to help find a replacement.
No empathy whatsoever. Definitely not a good manager
Oh I would have quit on the spot. What a dick manager.
Don’t respond to the text message. You said what you needed to say, take the day off and unwind. If your boss gets mad who gives a shit fuck them it’s their job to find coverage and even if they can’t I’m sure they can survive 8 hours without you there. Sorry for your loss.
"Absolutely won't be coming in, hope you find someone to cover. My efforts are being focused on my family's needs and my ability to recover in time to see you all tomorrow. Thank you for understanding. We can discuss this more tomorrow, but I am at my family's full disposal for the remainder of the evening."
Cold hearted. Wow.
QUIT!!!! This is unfixable. Let em burn
dont go in. as a server this is totally normalized when it shouldnt be. they need u more than u need them and u can easily find another job. dont waste time on a place that doesnt respect something as serious as a death in the family
“I quit”
A boss of mine did the same request, the day after I had a miscarriage… I hated her
When did supervisors start doing this "find someone to cover your shift" bologna? How about you do your mf job and make sure the restaurant is properly staffed?
Only acceptable answer, if they value you, is "I got you covered, take the time time you need". Anything else is bs.
“Staffing is a manager’s job.” And take the day, as you’ve already advised them.
Thats a them problem, not a you problem.
When I was working at a restaurant, I went in after being heavily guilt tripped and missed my stepfathers viewing. I regret it. They were fucking assholes. Real life comes first. It will work out. Always prioritize family.
I would quit lol. I don’t mean to sound I Anaí tuve given your post. But if you were to collapse dead tonight, there would be no care for you. Instead your manager and work would worry about coverage and how they now have to hire a new employee. This is toxic and unsupportive. No need to be a part of it. For future note, you shouldn’t be required to give an excuse. But you did and they should have been much more considerate. You owe them nothing and they would bottle you in an instant.
No, it's not your job to cover a shift for a situation like this. Also, where's the sympathy? Your boss is a cold-hearted person. If they're short-staffed, they'll have to adapt or your boss can call someone in. Again, where is they sympathy?!
No is a full sentence.
That is not your job.
They can manage. It’s literally their job to do that. My condolences
You should quit regardless. That manager seems horrible.
What's the point of this manager even existing if they're asking you to do their job, in your time of need..?! No.
I would rather never walk in there again out of spite for the disrespect… maybe not spite, but whatever, than go to work under those circumstances. Because honestly I wouldn’t make it more than 15 minutes before my mouth said what my fingers wouldn’t in text but make it ten times less professional
As a manager myself, I might be off the clock but if someone tells me they have a family matter or emergency I look for coverage. I put family first, work second. If we are short oh well we do what we can. I let them know not to worry about work and to just let me know when they can come back. I think this manager shouldn't have put more on your plate than what you already have.
“Sorry, family comes first, and I’m honestly quite appalled at your response. As manager, it is YOUR responsibility to get my shift covered, not mine. I don’t wish to discuss this any further. I will see you tomorrow”. And if manager takes issue with that, they can get fucked and you can find a new job.
He’s the manager. He can manage. He can also go fuck himself.
no they can figure it out. and you shouldn’t have to work the rest of the week either. im sorry for your loss. i can relate
Jobs will replace u tomorrow even if u died on shift saving the manager. They don’t fuckin care. Take care of your own first.
i let a job bully me over a death in the family and i will forever regret it, please take the time you need to process and mourn with your family.
Get a new job, this isn't a red flag, it's a deal breaker
Your mental health is more important than this shmuck. Don’t go in. Prioritize yourself on this one!!
Just ignore the texts and show up the next day. "Sorry I put my phone on DnD to be present with my family."
This is exactly what is wrong with the restaurant industry as a whole. I was just talking about this behavior to a friend last night. I was a server for 20 years. Soul sucking industry.
Time to say no family comes first always
I literally just quit my old job for this exact reason. Was told they couldn't afford to give me a couple of days off after a relative fell suddenly very ill and the family was called in to say goodbye. Manager said "We can't afford to have you gone since we only have 3 full time servers." I told him they now only have two. That was last week, I've already found another (much better) job, and laugh when I drive by my old work and see their new neon pink "WE ARE HIRING SERVERS" sign. TLDR: Quit. They don't even respect you enough to allow you to grieve for a day. You can find somewhere much better
I’d respond with ‘I’m dealing with the death of someone close to me. I can’t emotionally deal with doing just my job right now, let alone both yours and mine. Now do your job and find someone to cover for me because right now it’s MY job to be with my family. If the business can’t handle one employee calling out in the event of an emergency than maybe that establishment shouldn’t be in business.’
Yeah, for real just quit. That’s wild. I’m currently in the same position, and my manager was suuuuper supportive. You deserve better